Ready For Absolutely Nothing

by Susannah Constantine

'A rollicking ride . . . What a life' SUNDAY TIMES

Essential reading for anyone who secretly just wants the naughty bits . . .

Susannah Constantine is famous as the noughties style guru on What Not To Wear, but this is the least interesting thing about her.

Hers is a life filled to the brim with 70s glitz, 80s glamour and above all else an enlightening 50 years of f**k-ups, crisis and chaos.

There's dating cricket royalty not to mention real life royalty, as well as lavatory dramas with Princess Margaret. Add in weekends at Balmoral witnessing Thatcher and the Queen battle for power, plus time for falling in love, Strictly dancing debuts and a spot of wild swimming. Juicy, hilarious, sometimes heart-breaking, and crammed with moments where life goes completely wrong, Ready for Absolutely Nothing is full of absolutely everything.

'Wonderfully written, very funny, but more than anything completely genuine' LADY ANNE GLENCONNER, author of Lady in Waiting

'A trooper with a filthy sense of humour' THE TIMES

'A treasure trove of untold stories . . . riveting' GOOD HOUSEKEEPING

'Sparkling' DAILY MAIL

Genres: Nonfiction, Biography, Memoir, Autobiography, Audiobook, Fashion, British Literature

348 pages, Kindle Edition

Published September 29, 2022

About the author

English fashion journalist, advisor, television presenter, author and designer.

Reviews

[*TUDOR^QUEEN* · Rating 3 out of 5]

I knew zilch about this person, but after reading that she had dated Princess Margaret's son David for years I picked up this memoir. I love to read anything about the British Royals. While not royal herself, Susannah came from a wealthy family and moved in royal circles and with famous people such as Elton John and Imran Khan. She became a successful TV fashion guru and wrote a noteworthy book called "What Not to Wear". She used to make regular appearances on "The Oprah Winfrey Show" as a style advisor.

Her perspective was utterly forthright as she depicted a lifestyle lived between the city of London and the more meaningful existence of country life. Her family lived near a Duchess where she was best friends with their daughter. Susannah explains the structure of "the help", and also the fine lines between being welcomed into the fold of royal homes from a moneyed family, but as a non-royal. She was born in the sixties and raised in a culture directing that the future hinged on making a good marriage, not to excel at an education or work for a living.

Susannah is very blunt and had some really out there stories to tell that might make one cringe. I won't spill the beans here, but they involve gastrointestinal functions, a public bathroom, and in one case- Princess Margaret. This was a fun, casual, easy read.

Thank you to my free public library for ordering this at my request.

[Nicola Wyllie · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. An absorbing memoir of a really fascinating life, yes one of great privilege, (which gives great anecdotes), but also one with many challenges. Susannah comes across as a resilient, funny and reflective woman who isn’t afraid to lay out her faults and also laugh at herself.

It is a really entertaining read, but this was a book of two halves for me. The first half was a brilliant, brutally honest and fast paced read, covering her childhood through to her relationship with David Armstrong-Jones. I was totally fascinated by her world and what is was like to grow up in upper class Britain in the 60s/70s, being educated to be a society wife. I felt totally transported.
The second half of the book I found less absorbing, mainly because the timeline was chopped up so much, and interspersed with anecdotes that whilst funny or salacious didn’t really add to the picture of the woman for me. Whilst honest about her problems with alcohol they aren’t put in context. It was more a series of recollections.
Also what is missing for me is the development of her career into TV, as this is where I knew her from. I think this is because she doesn’t cover her relationship with Trinny, which I totally respect, but she mentions becoming an independent woman within her marriage and personally would have liked to know more about that part of her career. Maybe it was too difficult to disentangle from the partnership.

Having said all that overall it is a good read, and I have come away with a great deal of respect and admiration for Susannah.

[Jane Gregg · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 juicy stars for Susannah’s galloping good memoir (she of Trinny & … fame). Well told and well crafted, SC uses a combination of her outside voice, with a nuance of chagrin to reflect on a life spent getting out from under the strictures of her class (high) and education (rather less high) and the expectations placed upon her by both (‘marry so you don’t have to work’). The result is a rather excellent insight into a time/place in culture that continues to hold endless fascination. Can honestly say I adored it and could barely put it down.

[Linda · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting memoir of a upper class English party girl who moved in lofty circles. The first half was zany, fun and interesting, but the second half tapered into a more predictable autobiography with lots of self examination and adult behavior. Just like growing up.
3 stars

[Marina · Rating 3 out of 5]

Constantine and I were both youths in the 80s but our lives couldn’t have been more different. After an expensive education, she frequented society nightclubs and socialised with Princess Margaret, Elton John and ( raising my forearms in a cross in front of me) Margaret Thatcher. It was an interesting look at ‘how the other half lives.’

This is not really an autobiography, definitely memoirs, with a surprising amount of her anecdotes featuring poo.

Rather than being chronological, it seemed to jump all over the place and the strangest thing is that a big chunk of her life – when she made her name in What Not To Wear – seems to be missing. She goes from her early career as a fashion designer’s gofer/ house model, straight to her ‘celebrity’ appearances on Strictly etc. This is particularly weird when you consider that her book is titled ‘Ready for Absolutely Nothing’ because her education and upbringing were merely preparation for her becoming a society wife.

Where did the career come from? I’d like to know. Is a chunk of my copy missing?

[Liz · Rating 4 out of 5]

One of the best memoirs I’ve ever read.
Yes, she name drops like mad but that is the life she lived, where you do go on holiday with Elton John every year for 20 years. And if you dated the late Queen’s nephew for six years (six years!) then of course you know a lot of aristocrats. Plus she dated Imran Khan for 18 months, lucky girl! He always reminds me of Fry’s Turkish Delight: full of eastern promise…
I loved almost every story on it, except for the poo ones. She is so honest about her life and her problems E.g. an alcoholic, bipolar mother. So well done for overcoming her own alcoholism too.
Hopefully there’ll be another book when she does discuss the Trina and Susannah years.

[Kate Smith · Rating 3 out of 5]

It’s a rollicking good read and completely written in Susannah’s voice. Being a contemporary of Susannah’s, albeit one moving in different circles, much of it felt familiar to me. I appreciated her honesty especially about her alcoholism - I am also in recovery. I found the structure a bit random and some of the anecdotes felt as if they were there mainly for shock value. I’d like to have known more about Susannah’s partnership with Trinny, the breakup and her career since. Overall I found it an entertaining but somewhat uneven and dissatisfying read.

[Jo_Scho_Reads · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 stars. I love Susannah Constantine. I follow her on Instagram and she’s a breath of fresh air. She’s funny and frank so I knew her biography would be fascinating.

And it certainly was. This is a VERY honest account of her life. Both into wealth, her childhood was the likes of something I’d read about in books, but the glossy version. Susannah reveals the warts and all version; from riding ponies through the village to refusing to acknowledge her mother’s drinking problem. I loved hearing how the other half live and this book told me everything.

I wanted more. There are parts of her life that are missed out; there’s absolutely nothing on Trinny and their tv shows, which I was a little disappointed by. I bet there were plenty of tales Susannah could tell about those days. But it was still a gloriously entertaining and very honest memoir which I absolutely loved.

[Carole · Rating 3 out of 5]

I only knew of the author prior to reading this from watching What Not to Wear (quite some time ago now!), so I was surprised to read about her connections with the likes of Princess Margaret and Elton John. Always witty and entertaining, this was also quite sad given her relationships with her parents and isolated childhood. Definitely a glimpse into how the 'other half' live - the grass is not always greener, but having plenty of money and the right connections does open up certain opportunities. Quick to read and enjoyable. Some sections are quite memorable (and also slightly disturbing!) but I won't add any spoilers :)

[Claire O'Brien · Rating 3 out of 5]

A mostly fun read about her privileged life as a member of the English upper class. The first two sections that trace her life up to her marriage are fascinating as she moved in circles I know nothing about. Her reflections on the different classes and the role of women in the upper classes in the 1960s and 70s was particularly insightful. I enjoyed the later sections of the book less as she jumped around more and told weird and wonderful tales of various events in her life, which seemed mostly to be for shock value, and just didn't give the same insight into her life as the earlier sections had. She deals very frankly with her own alcoholism, but it was still a bit disjointed from the rest of her life.

[Ellie (bookmadbarlow) · Rating 3 out of 5]

An interesting account of Susannahs life, from childhood to nearly present day. Split into 3 parts we see how as a child she was groomed mainly to get a rich husband and to not work and from there we see her association with the Royals as well as her battle with alcoholism.
This is a frank, but mainly amusing memoir and there were many laugh out loud sections or bits where I found myself thinking, 'what did she just say' and for the most part it was enjoyable.
I found the middle and latter part most enjoyable as she grew into her own and made a name for herself.

[Debbi Barton · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a good egg Susannah is, self-depracating. Despite coming from a very wealthy family, they found it hard to be demonstrative when it came to their feelings. Susannah wrote very candidly of her alcoholism and I most admire her for that. If you are hoping for lots of escapades with Trinny you will be disappointed, there is so much more to Susannah than What Not To Wear. Wishing her continued sobriety.

[Judith m ryan · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not worth eleven quid

Interesting but more interested in reading about WNTW and Trinny - did not feature so very disappointing. Too much introspection.

[Rachel · Rating 2 out of 5]

This felt like it needed a good edit. It was meandering and huge parts of her life such as the TV career weren’t even referred to. Some interesting sections but all over the place. Disappointed

[AF · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars - fun to read but almost nothing about Trinny and Susannah days which helped propel her into independence after growing up the way she did. The book was missing this in a big way.

[AngelaC · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you're hoping for all the goss on What Not To Wear, you'll be disappointed. Neither the programme nor Susannah's close friend Trinny are given much space in this book. Instead, it is a fascinating, detailed insight into the everyday lives of the wealthy and aristocratic.
The title says it all really. Girls in the upper echelons of British society were not particularly well educated since their sole aim in life would be to find a wealthy husband and bow to his every whim while looking stylish and immaculate at all times. We are not talking Victorian times here. This book relates to the 1970s, 80s and 90s. Princess Diana was a prime example of this.
Susannah Constantine has dealt with a number of demons in her life and makes no attempt to hide her shortcomings here. She was in her late 20s before she discovered the world of work and found that she had more than a modicum of intelligence and capability. Until then, her father and his accounts with Harrod's etc. provided her with all the income she needed and a 6-year relationship with Princess Margaret's son, Viscount Linley, took her into the hedonistic spheres of the leading aristocracy.
This is an interesting, well-written look at a lifestyle that goes beyond what most of us would suspect and, because of its vacuity, would probably not dream of.

[Sarah Graham · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wasn’t sure what to expect with this book but enjoyed it way more than I thought I would, Susannah has had an interesting life and I had forgotten she went out with David Linley princess Margaret’s son and the interesting parallels of the media intrusion she felt then to some royals now. I knew she was posh but didn’t realise how privileged she is and I only knew her from ‘Trinny & Susannah - what not to wear’ I wanted to here more about her career and how that developed (they were very successful in the early 2000s) rather than her overwhelming desire to get married. Jake Shears and Strictly get way more time than Trinny! I like her vulnerability in relation the her alcoholism - she had an amazing career and did have an impact on a lot of women and their confidence and would have wanted to hear more about that.

[Robin · Rating 3 out of 5]

The first half of this memoir covering her upbringing and love affair with Princess Margaret's son (and also becoming friends with the princess) was fairly interesting but the second half was a little scattered and uneven. I knew nothing about her TV show so the omission of that part of her life didn't mean much to me and some of the "British-isms" went over my head, but she was candid in most of her musings although there were times I rolled my eyes at her self-admitted sense of self-importance and naivety in real people struggles. However, all in all, this was an entertaining read, especially for those who like a little "dirt" with their memoirs -- and I admit I am one of those readers.

Readers who liked Anne Glenconner's "Lady in Waiting" will relish more about life on the fringe of royalty and Anne and her spouse, Colin Tennant, are mentioned when Constantine talks about the history of Mustique.

[Pippa Richardson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Honest, frank, funny.and heartfelt.
An interesting deep dive into her life and an 'upper class' lifestyle. Also, interesting accounts of socialising with Princess Margaret.

[Lisa of Hopewell · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5

[Jess Bozzer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Unexpectedly interesting beyond what I’d known of her through her tv career. Well written and engaging

[Claire P · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a s a charmer of a book, written by someone who has had a bit of a charmed life - although leavened with those unhappy events to which we are all heir. If you ever watched “What Not To Wear” and wanted to be best friends with Trinny & Susannah, this is the book for you.

[Annette · Rating 5 out of 5]

Other people have done far greater justice to this book than I can but it is an extremely good read from a woman born into a wealthy family at a time when a woman’s role was simply to marry into a good family and not be expected to amount to a great deal.

The fact that Susannah is most famous for the programme “What not to wear” with Trinny and yet this chapter of her life is rarely mentioned means that what is mentioned was fodder for the tabloids at the time, such as her long relationship with David Linley, Princess Margaret’s son, which meant that Susannah says she has been in practically every stately home in the UK.

Also, she saw Princess Margaret as a mother figure and was very fond of the Queen Mother but Margaret Thatcher was more standoffish and that she had a positive crush on Jake Spears of the Scissor Sisters which has endured into a long friendship. If you fancy a extremely good book with loads of gossip then read this. It is really, really very good

[Lisa Edwards · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved the stories of aristocratic life but I so so wanted this to include her friendship and career with Trinny. I waited and waited for that chapter to appear but it didn’t. Such a shame, and such an odd choice to leave out what might be the most well-known 14 years of your life.

[Jacqui O'Brien · Rating 3 out of 5]

A fascinating look into how the rich live, and treat their childen. A very entertaining book, but it was a very odd decision to not include anything about her time working with Trinny, since that is what she is best known for. Perhaps she is keeping us dangling for volume 2?

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ready for Absolutely Nothing is an honest and funny memoir of Susannah Constantine’s life. Extraordinary in many ways, not least because of her privileged upbringing. She shows how rarefied life was for her, living in massive houses that she considered modest. Her boyfriends included David Linley, then sixth in line to the throne, and Imran Khan. Her friends include Elton John, and Kate Bush was one of the early readers of this book. She describes the interior of Royal Lodge, Tramps and Annabel’s nightclubs, and Concorde. She has had several bizarre poo related incidents in her life which she describes in detail. Overall I had the impression of an intelligent, warm, and self reflective person, who isn’t afraid to laugh at herself; the sort of person you could have dinner with and enjoy her company.

[Macy Mckay · Rating 3 out of 5]

Such a long way from your standard celebrity memoir! But a book of two halves. Ms Constantine has sensibly avoided writing in detail about the living and her friends. So whilst there are astounding stories about Princess Margaret and her parents, there is nothing on celebrity friends other than a couple of photos and references. This makes the book uneven. Written basically in short episodes, the second half, covering her post "Trinny and Susannah" years is sketchy at best, and feels like page filler - why do we have to hear about her crush on Jake Shears for page after page, but nothing about post celebrity life? Nothing about ageing in the public gaze? Nothing about her writing career?
Half an astonishing book, half an annoying work in progress. Did enjoy it though

[Aimee · Rating 3 out of 5]

A strong first half, followed by a more lackluster second. The interplay of her childhood surrounded by wealth, vibrant characters, and loneliness made for quite compelling reading. I was surprised too by the obvious introspection and examination of privilege she’s clearly thought about since. That same introspection was absent however regarding her time (and legacy of damaging people’s self image) on ‘What Not To Wear,’ which is actually scarcely mentioned at all. I appreciate perhaps not wanting to tart out her friendship with Trinny for the book, but this area could certainly have been mentioned more. Overall, a very interesting and readable memoir that was slightly let down in the second half.

[Katy Wheatley · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is wonderful.

Constantine writes like a dream. She has had, it could be argued, the perfect life for a memoir. Raised with wealth and connections, having a relationship with Princess Margaret's son for some years and then finding herself first in the world of fashion and then in the world of television, there is a lot of meat on the bones of this book.

And that's before you get to the addiction issues.

Constantine does a great job of writing in an accessible, open and generous way and of remaining likeable when she could have come across as an unbearable snob. It made me want to go out for a bun with her. What more of an accolade could you want?

[Belinda · Rating 4 out of 5]

Enjoyable but act 3 was bit incongruous with the scissor sister angle. If you didn't know who she was you might be baffled as it skipped over the whole T&S tv part but if you do then it's fine. The honest insights into 1980s Royal peripheral life were interesting. Otherwise it's kind of funny how boring celebrity name dropping is from anyone. Personally could've done without the toilet stories but maybe that's my lower class coming out, ha ha. A good social history of what it was like to be a Sloane Ranger. (It's read out by herself on audible which was good.)