Heartbreaking.
A story of love, loss, grief. Of blame. Of punishment. Of keeping a memory alive. Of fearing letting that memory go.
We meet Janet on what would have been the 18th birthday of her daughter, Claire, who died in a tragic car accident 11 years earlier. Janet blames herself and so does her husband, Colin.
That night, Janet joins her colleagues for a leaving party & returns home to find Colin has done the unthinkable: burned some of Claire’s belongings to punish her for going out. Janet has a break: she forces her way through their overgrown garden onto the train tracks. She falls when she dodges an oncoming train, incurring a head injury. In her precarious mental state and desperation to get away, she follows the tracks until she meets the scene of a train accident. With Claire on her mind, she is caught on camera screaming about how there’s a little girl that needs help; a little girl that she has given CPR too.
As she’s recovering in hospital, unable to remember the events of the night, that video is released and a search for the woman who saved a little girl, Lizzie, gets underway. Lizzie is the daughter of a famous TV chef, Robbie, and his model wife, Mia.
Swept along in the media storm, as Janet’s memories come back, she realises that she didn’t save Lizzie. However, by this point, she’s in too deep and doesn’t know how to get out.
As all this unfolds, we find out what happened the night Claire died, that Janet was leaving Colin because of his abusive controlling behaviour. She’s subjected herself to this for 11 years as punishment for killing their daughter.
When a message from beyond the grave tell’s Janet to be brave, will she come clean and will she finally be able to move on with her life?
This is a fast paced story, for the most part. It meandered a little in the beginning, dragging out scenes with Robbie, Mia and Lizzie with guilt-filled angst that got a little repetitive but was important to understand Janet and her situation. I wanted to shake Janet, scream at her to ditch Colin. That she didn’t deserve all the self-hate, the abuse she put up with. That is wasn’t her fault.
As the book came to a close, I found myself on the verge of tears. Any book that evokes that depth of feeling has to be a 5⭐️ read.