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What Looks Like Bravery: An Epic Journey Through Loss to Love
A true story about the ways loss can transform us into the people we want to become.
“What Looks Like Bravery is a gorgeous, tender, and beautiful book. I'm in tears with the happy-sad truth and beauty of it. Laurel is a magnificent writer.” —Cheryl Strayed, New York Times bestselling author of Wild
Laurel Braitman spent her childhood learning from her dad how to out-fish grown men, keep bees, and fix carburetors. Diagnosed young with terminal cancer, he raced against the clock to leave her the skills she’d need to survive without him. This was one legacy. Another was relentless perfectionism and the belief that bravery meant never acknowledging your own fear.
By her mid-thirties Laurel is a ship about to splinter on the rocks, having learned the hard way that no achievement can protect her from pain or remove the guilt and regret her dad’s death leaves her with. So, she determines to explore her troubled internal wilderness by way of some big exterior ones—Northern New Mexico, Western Alaska, her Tinder App. She finds help from a wise birder in the Bering Sea, a few dozen grieving kids, and a succession of smart teachers who convince her that you cannot be brave if you’re not scared. Along the way, she faces a wildfire that threatens everyone and everything she cares about and is forced by life to say another wrenching goodbye long before she wants to. This time she may not be ready, but she’s prepared. Joy in the wake of loss, she learns, isn’t possible despite the hardest things that happen to us, but because of the meaning we forge from them.
“What Looks Like Bravery is a gorgeous, tender, and beautiful book. I'm in tears with the happy-sad truth and beauty of it. Laurel is a magnificent writer.” —Cheryl Strayed, New York Times bestselling author of Wild
Laurel Braitman spent her childhood learning from her dad how to out-fish grown men, keep bees, and fix carburetors. Diagnosed young with terminal cancer, he raced against the clock to leave her the skills she’d need to survive without him. This was one legacy. Another was relentless perfectionism and the belief that bravery meant never acknowledging your own fear.
By her mid-thirties Laurel is a ship about to splinter on the rocks, having learned the hard way that no achievement can protect her from pain or remove the guilt and regret her dad’s death leaves her with. So, she determines to explore her troubled internal wilderness by way of some big exterior ones—Northern New Mexico, Western Alaska, her Tinder App. She finds help from a wise birder in the Bering Sea, a few dozen grieving kids, and a succession of smart teachers who convince her that you cannot be brave if you’re not scared. Along the way, she faces a wildfire that threatens everyone and everything she cares about and is forced by life to say another wrenching goodbye long before she wants to. This time she may not be ready, but she’s prepared. Joy in the wake of loss, she learns, isn’t possible despite the hardest things that happen to us, but because of the meaning we forge from them.
288 pages, Hardcover
Published March 14, 2023
86 people are currently reading
6971 people want to read
About the author
Laurel Braitman
7 books145 followersLaurel Braitman is the New York Times bestselling author of Animal Madness. She has a PhD from MIT in the history and anthropology of science and is the Director of Writing and Storytelling at the Stanford School of Medicine’s
Medicine & the Muse Program.
Medicine & the Muse Program.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 230 reviews
August 5, 2024
“…I took a long breath, summoning every bit of power I had, and shoved my fear and panic down as hard as I could – burying them so deeply that for the longest time I thought they were dead and gone. Only, you can’t kill feelings. Just like bad boyfriends or lost cats, they tend to come back when you least expect it.”
This is one woman’s journey through the heartache of living a life. And, how many of us tend to avoid it, hoping whatever hurt will just go away and leave us alone or we will forget it and grow through it and move on? In this high state of achievement?
Is this our way of handling grief?
In this case, life keeps happening, and no matter how much the author tried to escape it, work around it, it kept confronting her head on and demanding her attention.
But mostly it was learning about how to confront the upcoming death of her father, especially when thinking that it might come quickly when she was only high school age. And when it didn’t, she got him longer and learned how to savor life, when surrounded by death in what felt like at times a constant state of grief.
Her response, was to become a high-achiever in life. And, to keep pushing forward. Eventually to become a grief counselor to kids.
“Be not afraid.”
And, perhaps this is the lesson. Our opportunity, too. That life is always for the living. The good, bad and ugly. It all can be beautiful. The ability to overcome feelings of helplessness. When we can’t overcome our feelings of sadness. Because we learn and grow from our grief. All the people that embrace us. We gain from.
Such beautiful bravado. Humorous. Heart-felt. Captivating. Thoughtful. Love.
This may have been the author’s life, but we can relate, because it could have been our life, too. Or still is. And all we can do is say thank you for this book. Thank you, Laurel Braitman.
I would also like to thank my dear friend, Terry Eselun for donating this book so unselfishly to our Little Free Library Shed so that I not only could read it, but also that our neighborhood could experience it, as well! 🙏
This is one woman’s journey through the heartache of living a life. And, how many of us tend to avoid it, hoping whatever hurt will just go away and leave us alone or we will forget it and grow through it and move on? In this high state of achievement?
Is this our way of handling grief?
In this case, life keeps happening, and no matter how much the author tried to escape it, work around it, it kept confronting her head on and demanding her attention.
But mostly it was learning about how to confront the upcoming death of her father, especially when thinking that it might come quickly when she was only high school age. And when it didn’t, she got him longer and learned how to savor life, when surrounded by death in what felt like at times a constant state of grief.
Her response, was to become a high-achiever in life. And, to keep pushing forward. Eventually to become a grief counselor to kids.
“Be not afraid.”
And, perhaps this is the lesson. Our opportunity, too. That life is always for the living. The good, bad and ugly. It all can be beautiful. The ability to overcome feelings of helplessness. When we can’t overcome our feelings of sadness. Because we learn and grow from our grief. All the people that embrace us. We gain from.
Such beautiful bravado. Humorous. Heart-felt. Captivating. Thoughtful. Love.
This may have been the author’s life, but we can relate, because it could have been our life, too. Or still is. And all we can do is say thank you for this book. Thank you, Laurel Braitman.
I would also like to thank my dear friend, Terry Eselun for donating this book so unselfishly to our Little Free Library Shed so that I not only could read it, but also that our neighborhood could experience it, as well! 🙏
December 24, 2022
This book is definitely outside of my worldview - and included choices and actions I would not make. If you are a Christian, be aware that this author writes about abortion and spiritual practices that you will not agree with. I had to have a little chat with myself after the first hour of the book - and I decided to forge on.
That being said, I read this book and wanted to understand where Laurel Braitman was coming from. She comes from a place of great love for her family, and a great desire to understand herself and her place in a world that began with the loss of her father. No matter how hard she strived, achievements and accolades couldn’t fill the emptiness.
This book is her journey of understanding and discovery, and while it looks nothing like my own journey, it was interesting and well written. Yes, I want to tell her the answer to all of this is Jesus, but that’s not for a book review. 😉
I am glad I read this book and thankful to have this insight into an obviously caring and intelligent author.
That being said, I read this book and wanted to understand where Laurel Braitman was coming from. She comes from a place of great love for her family, and a great desire to understand herself and her place in a world that began with the loss of her father. No matter how hard she strived, achievements and accolades couldn’t fill the emptiness.
This book is her journey of understanding and discovery, and while it looks nothing like my own journey, it was interesting and well written. Yes, I want to tell her the answer to all of this is Jesus, but that’s not for a book review. 😉
I am glad I read this book and thankful to have this insight into an obviously caring and intelligent author.
December 19, 2022
I don’t have the words to describe how much I enjoyed this book. I read it in less than 48 hours, putting it down periodically only to be compelled to pick it up minutes later, eager to continue reading. The author’s writing was so engrossing, enchanting, and compelling. I almost wish I could read it all again for the first time. Fortunately many many people will have that opportunity.
April 30, 2025
RTC
I received a gifted copy.
I received a gifted copy.
December 15, 2024
If this isn't on your radar, it should be. Wow. Honestly this book broke me. I cried so many times reading it, I'd lost count. Laurels journey through loss and grief is raw, unfiltered devastation. Just thinking back on it is bringing tears to my eyes...again. She has such a tremendous capacity for love within her and the best part about her story is she reaches for it and takes it. She holds onto that love transforming it and herself. Im going to be thinking about this one for a long long time.
January 22, 2023
So good I didn’t want the story to end even as I raced to finish it. Beautifully written and unsparing. Dr. Braitman’s ability to make the reader feel like a close and trusted friend makes this book one you will recommend to all of your best friends.
April 8, 2025
An incredibly tender and well-written tale of personal love and loss.
December 30, 2024
I loved this book and the many parallels between the author's life and my own. She's honest, raw and vulnerable. I related so much to her big adventure stories - looking for...something. She says, "And, sometimes, what looks like bravery is just us being scared of something else even more." I think loss and the process of honoring a loved one can be tricky. We're driven by our grief and, if we're not careful, we can get swept up and forget about our own healing. For me, honoring my mother has led to my healing, but I know it looks different for everyone. Witnessing loss through someone else's perspective is necessary, I think. We are all grieving something.
"There is a world in which we are whole. And it runs parallel to ours. The people that we love exist there, and we can almost reach out and touch them if we just get quiet enough. They never leave us. We are together always. There, too, are the selves of ours that need healing. And all the things that we love and have lost."
"There is a world in which we are whole. And it runs parallel to ours. The people that we love exist there, and we can almost reach out and touch them if we just get quiet enough. They never leave us. We are together always. There, too, are the selves of ours that need healing. And all the things that we love and have lost."
April 6, 2023
I’m a sucker for good memoirs, so I’m not surprised I liked this, but wow, wow, wow. What a gift. This book has actually changed my life and how I think about life, death, nature, God, family. Laurel reads the audiobook version, and it was heartbreaking and meaningful to hear her tell her story. I had to buy the hardback so I can go back and revisit the parts that touched me most. This is a book I see myself revisiting many times.
June 12, 2023
I’ll have more words on this soon as I process it, but I will say this - Laurel Braitman has such a gift. There’s very little I’ve read about the specific pain of losing a parent that hit as succinctly as her words did. Excellently and heartbreakingly well done.
May 11, 2024
My family is far from perfect but one thing I have always been grateful for is the way my mom’s side of the family modeled grief. Laurel Braitman did not have such a model in her family. Her father was diagnosed with aggressive cancer when she was three and used his expertise and connections as a surgeon to keep beating the odds for 14 additional years, hiding as much of his treatment from Laurel and her brother as possible. This was in part because he did not want to face his own mortality. When he died, she was unmoored but followed the family path of suppressing her emotions. To the point where years later, her then-girlfriend asked her if she even knew what emotions she felt. She didn’t.
This led to finally beginning to mourn her loss. She signed up for a training at a child bereavement group when she was 36. While she’s there ostensibly to help the kids, she’s also learning about the ways her dad’s diagnosis and eventual death affected her and the limitations of her coping skills up to that point. It’s a different portrait of grief and such a necessary one. What further elevates this memoir from other accounts of grief is we eventually see Braitman put what she’s learned into practice, when her mother is eventually diagnosed with and dies from cancer herself. It’s gut-wrenching and I wouldn’t have wished it on anyone and yet there was such power in seeing how she mourned this time around.
In addition to being an interesting story in and of itself (the farm she grew up on! her work at Stanford! her various travels! where she met her eventual husband!), Braitman’s prose is gorgeous and luminous. Several passages stopped me in my tracks. This is worth reading just to experience the writing. I loved learning about her life, from her childhood to her relationships. Highly recommended.
Content notes: rape and reproductive assault (coerced and and rapist refused to use a condom even when asked), unplanned pregnancy and abortion, anxiety, death of father (diagnosed when she was 3 and died 14 years later), death of mother (pancreatic cancer and liver metastases), dad diagnosed with osteogenic sarcoma and lung and larynx metastases (amputation, chemotherapy, radiation, lung surgery), assisted suicide for terminally ill parents (dad’s friend got him the medication illegally, right-to-die medication for mom), TIA (mom), mom’s second husband died of small cell bladder cancer, past breast cancer and remission (boyfriend’s mom), ableism, fatshaming, fatphobia (overt and internalized), family-forced diet as a teen, vision fast as an adult (no food), bullying, past infidelity (she and boyfriend cheated on each other, she slept with guy who had a girlfriend), past divorce, death of pets (including dog who suffocated in a car after his head got stuck in a treat bag), vomit (chemotherapy), COVID-19, wildfires (childhood house burned down but mom and stepdad were able to get out), boat lost at sea (no survivors), STI shaming (countered), on page sex (not explicit), alcohol, inebriation, pipe (dad), gendered pejorative, ableist language, boyfriends/girlfriends compared to a drug
This led to finally beginning to mourn her loss. She signed up for a training at a child bereavement group when she was 36. While she’s there ostensibly to help the kids, she’s also learning about the ways her dad’s diagnosis and eventual death affected her and the limitations of her coping skills up to that point. It’s a different portrait of grief and such a necessary one. What further elevates this memoir from other accounts of grief is we eventually see Braitman put what she’s learned into practice, when her mother is eventually diagnosed with and dies from cancer herself. It’s gut-wrenching and I wouldn’t have wished it on anyone and yet there was such power in seeing how she mourned this time around.
In addition to being an interesting story in and of itself (the farm she grew up on! her work at Stanford! her various travels! where she met her eventual husband!), Braitman’s prose is gorgeous and luminous. Several passages stopped me in my tracks. This is worth reading just to experience the writing. I loved learning about her life, from her childhood to her relationships. Highly recommended.
Content notes: rape and reproductive assault (coerced and and rapist refused to use a condom even when asked), unplanned pregnancy and abortion, anxiety, death of father (diagnosed when she was 3 and died 14 years later), death of mother (pancreatic cancer and liver metastases), dad diagnosed with osteogenic sarcoma and lung and larynx metastases (amputation, chemotherapy, radiation, lung surgery), assisted suicide for terminally ill parents (dad’s friend got him the medication illegally, right-to-die medication for mom), TIA (mom), mom’s second husband died of small cell bladder cancer, past breast cancer and remission (boyfriend’s mom), ableism, fatshaming, fatphobia (overt and internalized), family-forced diet as a teen, vision fast as an adult (no food), bullying, past infidelity (she and boyfriend cheated on each other, she slept with guy who had a girlfriend), past divorce, death of pets (including dog who suffocated in a car after his head got stuck in a treat bag), vomit (chemotherapy), COVID-19, wildfires (childhood house burned down but mom and stepdad were able to get out), boat lost at sea (no survivors), STI shaming (countered), on page sex (not explicit), alcohol, inebriation, pipe (dad), gendered pejorative, ableist language, boyfriends/girlfriends compared to a drug
January 25, 2025
WHAT LOOKS LIKE BRAVERY by Laurel Braitman
Thank you @simonbooks for my #gifted copy
An Epic Journey Through Loss to Love
📖 What Looks Like Bravery is a heartfelt memoir about loss, resilience, and redefining courage. After losing her father to cancer as a child, Braitman grew up equating bravery with perfection and emotional suppression, a belief that followed her into adulthood. Through personal reflection and journeys to remote places, she learns that true bravery lies in embracing vulnerability and confronting fear.
💭 A gifted storyteller, Braitman’s writing is vulnerable and insightful, blending moments of humor, sadness, and hope. As a fellow card-carrying member of the Lost Father to Cancer as a Child Club, I found this memoir both relatable and empowering. Braitman encouraged me to reflect on my own processing of grief and the ways I've defined bravery in my own life.
What Looks Like Bravery is a poignant, inspiring exploration of finding strength and meaning in life’s hardest moments. I recommend it wholeheartedly!
📌 Available now!
Thank you @simonbooks for my #gifted copy
An Epic Journey Through Loss to Love
📖 What Looks Like Bravery is a heartfelt memoir about loss, resilience, and redefining courage. After losing her father to cancer as a child, Braitman grew up equating bravery with perfection and emotional suppression, a belief that followed her into adulthood. Through personal reflection and journeys to remote places, she learns that true bravery lies in embracing vulnerability and confronting fear.
💭 A gifted storyteller, Braitman’s writing is vulnerable and insightful, blending moments of humor, sadness, and hope. As a fellow card-carrying member of the Lost Father to Cancer as a Child Club, I found this memoir both relatable and empowering. Braitman encouraged me to reflect on my own processing of grief and the ways I've defined bravery in my own life.
What Looks Like Bravery is a poignant, inspiring exploration of finding strength and meaning in life’s hardest moments. I recommend it wholeheartedly!
📌 Available now!
January 28, 2025
Laurel Braitman's journey from the loss of her father to the rest of her life is rocky and every mile filled with well-earned experience. Another example of lives that fall apart require the same solution from everyone who survives them: to gather up the parts and rearrange them, amending the broken bits, replacing the missing ones, or just getting on without the rest.
While our choices will surely differ in some ways, this kind of bravery in the world makes us all better. Reading of the experiences of others provides one more resource for solutions, one more stone on which we can step up or out during our own hard times.
*A sincere thank you to Laurel Braitman, Simon & Schuster, and NetGalley for an ARC to read and review independently.*
While our choices will surely differ in some ways, this kind of bravery in the world makes us all better. Reading of the experiences of others provides one more resource for solutions, one more stone on which we can step up or out during our own hard times.
*A sincere thank you to Laurel Braitman, Simon & Schuster, and NetGalley for an ARC to read and review independently.*
April 28, 2023
As the subtitle states, this memoir is indeed about loss and love. It covers the author’s experience of her father’s years-long cancer battle; her coming to terms with that loss as an adult and finding her own lasting love; and her mom’s devastating health diagnosis during the early pandemic months. The theme of bravery—what Braitman witnesses in her loved ones and how she pursues her own life—is deeply considered and moving.
June 19, 2023
This memoir has the potential to help so many people who have lost loved ones to cancer, especially if they were children of a terminally ill parent.
Laurel Braitman’s life appears very adventurous in this book, but what I found most compelling were what some people might consider the slower parts of her story. Braitman herself seemed to be speeding (at times literally) away from these quiet moments of reflection on life after loss.
And while I couldn’t relate to all of her extreme impulses, I still saw aspects of my own grief journey reflected in hers. It’s strange and funny how grief can be both individual and universal in turns. Anyone who is willing to share this much on the page is brave in my book.
I received a digital advance reader copy from NetGalley and Simon & Schuster in exchange for an honest review.
Laurel Braitman’s life appears very adventurous in this book, but what I found most compelling were what some people might consider the slower parts of her story. Braitman herself seemed to be speeding (at times literally) away from these quiet moments of reflection on life after loss.
And while I couldn’t relate to all of her extreme impulses, I still saw aspects of my own grief journey reflected in hers. It’s strange and funny how grief can be both individual and universal in turns. Anyone who is willing to share this much on the page is brave in my book.
I received a digital advance reader copy from NetGalley and Simon & Schuster in exchange for an honest review.
April 28, 2023
I know I'm in the minority but I don't understand the high ratings at all. Since I try not to comment too much on memoirs- I'll just say 2 stars but this was not at all interesting to me.
May 23, 2023
Unforgettable, incredible
June 12, 2023
From coming of age to coping with loss, grief, losing and finding love, caretaking a parent, grief again mixed with joy, all while finding oneself and facing hard things—this story resonates on so many levels. Personally, the setting also captivated and connected with me, and I can attest that Laurel nails the descriptive writing of the places she calls home, because I too grew up where she grew up and went to her high school. This is a beautiful, brave work. I'm giving it to my daughter who's in her mid-20s because it's a powerful roadmap to life and love.
July 19, 2023
Until you have first hand experience with loss you can’t imagine what it’s like. Having been widowed young and currently watching my father die of cancer, I can totally relate to Laurel Braitman’s journey of loss. This is a powerful, captivating memoir filled with grief, pain and joy. Thank you @simonbooks #simonbooksbuddy #freebooks
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November 20, 2023I thought I'd care about this narrator and book more. I completed 45% of this, and you'd think at that point I'd have a sense of the "aboutness" of this book. I didn't get to that point, though if I had to guess, I'd say the overarching point is that losing a parent young Fs up the human organism. In that case, this is an addition to the find-myself-after-losing-a-parent-while-I'm-young genre, the second book in that genre I've listened to in as many months after finishing "Look for Me There."
July 7, 2024
This helped me work through my own losses and process some old grief with relatable lessons in healing.
March 12, 2023
What Looks Like Bravery is a poetic punch to the gut; I was captivated by this memoir. The first 100 or so pages dealing with Braitman’s early life on an avocado farm in Santa Paula, CA was my favorite part, partly because of my familiarity with the location, but mostly because it was so beautifully written. When Braitman gets to her father’s passing, her family and voice are already so well developed that the event is devastating; I had to take a break from the book at this point.
This was such a gorgeously composed memoir and especially when dealing with family events so intimately written, that I almost felt like I should be asking permission to read it further. This book will stick with me. Outstanding!
Thank you to NetGalley, the publisher, and Laurel Braitman the author, for the advanced copy to read in exchange for my honest review.
This was such a gorgeously composed memoir and especially when dealing with family events so intimately written, that I almost felt like I should be asking permission to read it further. This book will stick with me. Outstanding!
Thank you to NetGalley, the publisher, and Laurel Braitman the author, for the advanced copy to read in exchange for my honest review.
March 26, 2023
I forgot I was on Samin Nosrat’s (“salt, fat, acid, heat”) mailing list, but felt compelled to read her friend, Laurel Braitman’s, memoir as soon as I got the email. It’s amazing! Beautiful and real and tough and sad—and Laurel makes decisions and choices like the rest of us, and then burns with guilt and regret. And she notices what is happening around her, and what people say, and how they persevere, and it’s just so wonderful to read! I listened on Audible, memoirs are so compelling that way. Couldn’t put it down.
December 22, 2023
This ended up being a disappointment for me! I was expecting, I suppose, a more traditional memoir. To that end, I loved the first third of the book where author Laurel Braitman recounts her childhood and teenage years. But once the book jumped into Braitman’s adult life, it lost me a little.
I bought & read this book because of Braitman’s interview in the Culture Study newsletter. Her interview was fantastic, and the book had nothing but glowing reviews, and like I said, the first third of the book is great. Braitman’s father was something of a maverick, a cardiothoracic surgeon who lived with his family on an avocado and donkey ranch in Southern California. Braitman idolized her dad, a dad who spent years battling bone cancer. He died after outliving his prognosis multiple times over when Braitman was a senior in high school. But that never stopped him from doing anything, whether that was flying a plane, buying a family vacation cabin in Oregon, or encouraging Braitman to go to MIT.
I get why Braitman wanted to extend her memoir into her adult life. Her dad’s death left a huge hole in her life, a hole she was still processing into her late thirties. Part of the point of the memoir is to demonstrate how a death that occurred decades earlier can still haunt you. But I think more time needed to pass in order for Braitman to gain valuable perspective. The reason her childhood memories are so meaningfully recounted is because she gave herself the time and space to reflect on them. But something that happened only a few years ago? That’s not “personal history” yet.
As a result, I didn’t enjoy the last two-thirds of the book. Yes, Braitman engaged in psychotherapy, but she seemed to put equal stock into a session she had with a psychic. I know people heal in different ways but… I guess it was disappointing to see someone (especially someone so educated and privileged and with such naturally good writing talent!) engage in “West Coast Woo-Woo” and treat it like enlightenment. Also a bit odd to narrate your own sex scenes like a movie…. I kept admonishing myself for being prude, but I don’t know - there was just something odd about it, about the openness masquerading as profundity.
Anyway, I almost feel bad writing all of this, because 1) I have no doubt that Braitman is probably terrific and engaging in-person, and 2) she’s best friends with Samin Nosrat, whom I adore. I guess it’s kind of a case of don’t read your hero’s memoir?
I bought & read this book because of Braitman’s interview in the Culture Study newsletter. Her interview was fantastic, and the book had nothing but glowing reviews, and like I said, the first third of the book is great. Braitman’s father was something of a maverick, a cardiothoracic surgeon who lived with his family on an avocado and donkey ranch in Southern California. Braitman idolized her dad, a dad who spent years battling bone cancer. He died after outliving his prognosis multiple times over when Braitman was a senior in high school. But that never stopped him from doing anything, whether that was flying a plane, buying a family vacation cabin in Oregon, or encouraging Braitman to go to MIT.
I get why Braitman wanted to extend her memoir into her adult life. Her dad’s death left a huge hole in her life, a hole she was still processing into her late thirties. Part of the point of the memoir is to demonstrate how a death that occurred decades earlier can still haunt you. But I think more time needed to pass in order for Braitman to gain valuable perspective. The reason her childhood memories are so meaningfully recounted is because she gave herself the time and space to reflect on them. But something that happened only a few years ago? That’s not “personal history” yet.
As a result, I didn’t enjoy the last two-thirds of the book. Yes, Braitman engaged in psychotherapy, but she seemed to put equal stock into a session she had with a psychic. I know people heal in different ways but… I guess it was disappointing to see someone (especially someone so educated and privileged and with such naturally good writing talent!) engage in “West Coast Woo-Woo” and treat it like enlightenment. Also a bit odd to narrate your own sex scenes like a movie…. I kept admonishing myself for being prude, but I don’t know - there was just something odd about it, about the openness masquerading as profundity.
Anyway, I almost feel bad writing all of this, because 1) I have no doubt that Braitman is probably terrific and engaging in-person, and 2) she’s best friends with Samin Nosrat, whom I adore. I guess it’s kind of a case of don’t read your hero’s memoir?
June 15, 2023
My goodness, Laurel Braitman. What an absolutely powerful and incredible gift you have given to readers with this beautifully written memoir. Writing about grief is challenging and at times, it feels impossible to convey these kinds of emotions with words. But Braitman did it, and she did it incredibly well.
This memoir starts out being about the chronic illness and eventual death of Braitman's father, who was certainly quite the character. Then it becomes about Braitman's feelings of guilt and her perfectionism and, ultimately, her journey toward self-forgiveness and self-compassion. In many ways, it is a love story about family, about loving ourselves, and about loving other people. Braitman experiences "loss" and "love" in many ways throughout the book.
When I tell you that I finished the book amidst wracking sobs of grief, I am not exaggerating. Yet, the book is not sad. At times, it was very difficult to read. I had to put it down a few times and read something lighter. Even so, I found this memoir to be deeply cathartic, in the most bittersweet of ways.
From a writing perspective, I absolutely LOVED Braitman's incorporation of the natural world into her own grief and concepts of life, death, and the afterlife. Braitman is not religious, but she has a deeply spiritual relationship with nature that I understand -- especially during grief and mourning. I underlined many passages about where, how, and why we might see the ones we love in the natural world.
There are a few books that I have found over the last year-and-a-half since my mom died that have comforted me and made me feel less alone during difficult times. This is one of them, and it has a permanent place on my bookshelf. I will return to Braitman's memoir and re-read passages that were meaningful to me for years to come.
This memoir starts out being about the chronic illness and eventual death of Braitman's father, who was certainly quite the character. Then it becomes about Braitman's feelings of guilt and her perfectionism and, ultimately, her journey toward self-forgiveness and self-compassion. In many ways, it is a love story about family, about loving ourselves, and about loving other people. Braitman experiences "loss" and "love" in many ways throughout the book.
When I tell you that I finished the book amidst wracking sobs of grief, I am not exaggerating. Yet, the book is not sad. At times, it was very difficult to read. I had to put it down a few times and read something lighter. Even so, I found this memoir to be deeply cathartic, in the most bittersweet of ways.
From a writing perspective, I absolutely LOVED Braitman's incorporation of the natural world into her own grief and concepts of life, death, and the afterlife. Braitman is not religious, but she has a deeply spiritual relationship with nature that I understand -- especially during grief and mourning. I underlined many passages about where, how, and why we might see the ones we love in the natural world.
There are a few books that I have found over the last year-and-a-half since my mom died that have comforted me and made me feel less alone during difficult times. This is one of them, and it has a permanent place on my bookshelf. I will return to Braitman's memoir and re-read passages that were meaningful to me for years to come.
October 8, 2023
This is probably one of if not the most important books I’ve ever read. What I found myself thinking about a lot is how much hope it gave me in terms of healing. I often think of myself as incurably damaged from my dads death. It doesn’t feel like I’ve ever been able to have a ‘normal’ association to the real world again compared to other people. But this gave me hope. That I can still learn how to say goodbye and still do it better next time.
January 19, 2024
I’M AN ABSOLUTE MESS AFTER READING THIS. Literally cannot stop crying. ‘What Looks Like Bravery’ is an absolutely breathtaking memoir of a woman who overcame so much loss (death of family members, divorce, destruction from wildfires) by finally letting go of feelings of guilt, shame, and regret that she let fester inside of her for years. Her journey of letting go and finding peace after loss was so beautiful and I found myself relating to her in so many ways which is likely why I felt deeply connected to her life story. Highly recommend this one!
March 12, 2023
I wish I could say that I “loved” this book, but that is too trite. I felt shivers of recognition of the grief within the words, baited breath in her search for understanding, and joy in her finding a sense of peace. The writing is beautiful with swaths of her world springing to my mind’s eye as she led me through the beauty of her world and the all-too-familiar pain of loss. I think I held my breath for the final three chapters and only released it when I cried at the end.
April 21, 2023
I want to tell all my follow readers to read this book. And I want to thank the author for writing it! Beautifully written and no matter your background you will be able to find her story in yourself. I applaud her frank transparency and honesty. It takes so much courage and effort to give people a look inside their life. Thank you for sharing your story.
June 21, 2023
More like 3.5 stars. As her father held her in his arms, any misgivings he had had about being a father were uprooted. “We didn't know it yet, but we were each other’s becoming.”
An interesting meditation on loss. I… I don’t know what to think. I’m jealous of her experiences seeing her dead father and dog in their burned-out home, everything restored to how it was, whole and without pain. I may have read this book too early.
An interesting meditation on loss. I… I don’t know what to think. I’m jealous of her experiences seeing her dead father and dog in their burned-out home, everything restored to how it was, whole and without pain. I may have read this book too early.
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