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Give a F*ck, Actually: Reclaim Yourself with the 5 Steps of Radical Emotional Acceptance
The Wall Street Journal bestseller!
Stop battling your emotions and engage them to live a better life.
You’ve been told that it’s a subtle art to not give a f*ck, to only live, laugh, and love, and to f*ck your feelings. That’s impossible and unhealthy. What if you could stop trying to fix your emotions and work with them instead of against them—even the “bad” ones?
Give a F*ck, Actually is the self-help guidebook to doing that with Radical Emotional Acceptance, a simple five-step process for having a healthy relationship with your emotions in real time. Developed by psychiatrist Dr. Alex Wills through over 15,000 hours with patients, REA stops the fight against your own feelings and allows you to acknowledge, accept, interpret, and act on emotions—even the painful ones that you are told to suppress—before they become a problem. Rather than pretending you don’t give a f*ck, REA helps you embrace your f*cks and learn from them emotional data to live a fuller life.
Give a F*ck, Actually integrates teaching with anecdotes, historical lessons, and narrative encounters with patients to demonstrate REA in action. The result is an unforgettable how-to guide for emotions that will change your life.
Stop battling your emotions and engage them to live a better life.
You’ve been told that it’s a subtle art to not give a f*ck, to only live, laugh, and love, and to f*ck your feelings. That’s impossible and unhealthy. What if you could stop trying to fix your emotions and work with them instead of against them—even the “bad” ones?
Give a F*ck, Actually is the self-help guidebook to doing that with Radical Emotional Acceptance, a simple five-step process for having a healthy relationship with your emotions in real time. Developed by psychiatrist Dr. Alex Wills through over 15,000 hours with patients, REA stops the fight against your own feelings and allows you to acknowledge, accept, interpret, and act on emotions—even the painful ones that you are told to suppress—before they become a problem. Rather than pretending you don’t give a f*ck, REA helps you embrace your f*cks and learn from them emotional data to live a fuller life.
Give a F*ck, Actually integrates teaching with anecdotes, historical lessons, and narrative encounters with patients to demonstrate REA in action. The result is an unforgettable how-to guide for emotions that will change your life.
- GenresPsychologySelf Help
144 pages, Hardcover
Published January 17, 2023
13 people are currently reading
121 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews
July 31, 2024
I was provided a free copy of this book in exchange for a review in the Idaho Press. My full column is below:
At one point or another, we've all probably looked at ourselves and wondered why we did something.
That can go for any number of actions or emotions, either good or bad. Sometimes our outbursts of rage might seem bewildering to look back on or our intense and sudden disappointment when someone cancels plans might seem overblown. Even our positive emotions, like pursuing someone romantically or what gives us a sense of accomplishment at work or at the gym can stem from somewhere deeper and untapped.
Boise-based therapist Alex Wills book "Give a F*ck, Actually: Reclaim Yourself with the 5 Steps of Radical Emotional Acceptance is a short, but thoughtful read for anyone looking for a book to help you embrace well, your f*cks. In his cutesy parlance relying heavily on the four-letter word, Wills walks readers through a strategy for seeing your most powerful emotions as useful emotional data to understand yourself and those around you better. Instead of asking yourself to push away things you care about, like jealousy, abandonment or even joy, this strategy encourages readers to see their experience their strongest emotions.
The book uses several previous clients, whose names have been changed or are composites of several people, to walk through the ways our deepest emotions can control us or lead to do unexpected this. This includes a woman who pushes Wills to his limits when she is simply seeking therapy for Adderall instead of treating her work addiction or a woman who eventually realizes she needs to leave her narcissistic husband. The writing and recounting of these therapeutic conversations is simplistic, but illuminating, particularly for those who haven't framed their emotions this way before.
We all experience motions, but many people struggle to realize there is almost always a deeper well of feelings below what we experience on the surface. Often anger might be covering up fear, as is the case for one of Wills patients in this book. Jealousy can lurk beneath pettiness or an impulse to shun others. Even a lackadaisical attitude toward everything (I don't give a f*ck) can be a defense mechanism for someone who cares about something far more than they should.
In this book, Wills makes a clear case for looking beyond those "shield emotions" as he calls them and seeing what is driving those feelings. And instead of letting what's on the surface drive our behavior, it gives you the tools to examine what you're really feeling and let that drive you to better results. It asks you to feel your emotions and then let them go, instead of forcing and changing them into small boxes where they might not fit.
I found the over-reliance on profanity here slightly tiresome, especially given the recent trend with self help books similarly relying on the f-word to attract readers to their place on the shelf. And if you've already gone through a lot of therapy and are introspective, some of these concepts in this short book might seem overly simplistic. But, if you or someone you know is flummoxed and overwhelmed by their emotions and looking for an entryway into thinking about them differently, this is a short guide to keep on yourself to refer back to in difficult times.
I've always been a proponent of therapy for anyone, even if you think you're not struggling. Books like this can also be a great way to learn more about what might be lurking beneath the surface of your feelings.
At one point or another, we've all probably looked at ourselves and wondered why we did something.
That can go for any number of actions or emotions, either good or bad. Sometimes our outbursts of rage might seem bewildering to look back on or our intense and sudden disappointment when someone cancels plans might seem overblown. Even our positive emotions, like pursuing someone romantically or what gives us a sense of accomplishment at work or at the gym can stem from somewhere deeper and untapped.
Boise-based therapist Alex Wills book "Give a F*ck, Actually: Reclaim Yourself with the 5 Steps of Radical Emotional Acceptance is a short, but thoughtful read for anyone looking for a book to help you embrace well, your f*cks. In his cutesy parlance relying heavily on the four-letter word, Wills walks readers through a strategy for seeing your most powerful emotions as useful emotional data to understand yourself and those around you better. Instead of asking yourself to push away things you care about, like jealousy, abandonment or even joy, this strategy encourages readers to see their experience their strongest emotions.
The book uses several previous clients, whose names have been changed or are composites of several people, to walk through the ways our deepest emotions can control us or lead to do unexpected this. This includes a woman who pushes Wills to his limits when she is simply seeking therapy for Adderall instead of treating her work addiction or a woman who eventually realizes she needs to leave her narcissistic husband. The writing and recounting of these therapeutic conversations is simplistic, but illuminating, particularly for those who haven't framed their emotions this way before.
We all experience motions, but many people struggle to realize there is almost always a deeper well of feelings below what we experience on the surface. Often anger might be covering up fear, as is the case for one of Wills patients in this book. Jealousy can lurk beneath pettiness or an impulse to shun others. Even a lackadaisical attitude toward everything (I don't give a f*ck) can be a defense mechanism for someone who cares about something far more than they should.
In this book, Wills makes a clear case for looking beyond those "shield emotions" as he calls them and seeing what is driving those feelings. And instead of letting what's on the surface drive our behavior, it gives you the tools to examine what you're really feeling and let that drive you to better results. It asks you to feel your emotions and then let them go, instead of forcing and changing them into small boxes where they might not fit.
I found the over-reliance on profanity here slightly tiresome, especially given the recent trend with self help books similarly relying on the f-word to attract readers to their place on the shelf. And if you've already gone through a lot of therapy and are introspective, some of these concepts in this short book might seem overly simplistic. But, if you or someone you know is flummoxed and overwhelmed by their emotions and looking for an entryway into thinking about them differently, this is a short guide to keep on yourself to refer back to in difficult times.
I've always been a proponent of therapy for anyone, even if you think you're not struggling. Books like this can also be a great way to learn more about what might be lurking beneath the surface of your feelings.
March 5, 2024
This was a great read for better understanding radical emotional acceptance and illustrated with engaging real life stories. The five steps simplify working through radical emotional acceptance and conceptualizing it towards applying it to everyday life. An important reminder of acknowledging and working through our emotions in order to cope with them in healthy ways and that our emotions are tools that can be used towards better understanding and changing our behaviors. This is an important idea and read in an age where emotions are often considered weak and it is a norm to numb one's self to them or hide them with anger.
October 15, 2023
Life changing book
I've read lots of self help books, but this one is different. It makes sense at a deep emotional level. It guides us through an easy to understand emotional transformation process Radical Emotional Acceptance (REA).
This book was easy to read, with clarifying stories that keep our interest. There is humor and joy to go along with the pain and sorrow of the real people described in the stories.
I've referenced this book many times when I needed guidance. It shows the way to unconditional self love and how to reduce suffering.
I've read lots of self help books, but this one is different. It makes sense at a deep emotional level. It guides us through an easy to understand emotional transformation process Radical Emotional Acceptance (REA).
This book was easy to read, with clarifying stories that keep our interest. There is humor and joy to go along with the pain and sorrow of the real people described in the stories.
I've referenced this book many times when I needed guidance. It shows the way to unconditional self love and how to reduce suffering.
February 2, 2025
as a therapist, I LOVE this book. Yes pretty vulgar BUT so many good nuggets of wisdom and therapy practice. Such a good quick light read on really complex topics. The author does a great job of incorporating client stories in profound, moving ways. Def recommend for anyone doing some healing work. which is all of us :)
February 5, 2023
Most timely two hours of reading I’ve ever spent
I recommend this book to anyone who feels lost and confused by the relationship they’re in, whether its a partner, parent or child. I feel hopeful!
I recommend this book to anyone who feels lost and confused by the relationship they’re in, whether its a partner, parent or child. I feel hopeful!
July 27, 2023
Great quick read about Radical Acceptance Theory.
October 2, 2025
This author was just arrested for sexually assaulting a patient. Do not buy or support in any way.
Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews