BFF: A Memoir of Friendship Lost and Found

by Christie Tate

From the author of Group, a New York Times bestseller and Reese’s Book Club Pick, a poignant, funny, and emotionally satisfying memoir about Christie Tate’s lifelong struggle to sustain female friendship, and the extraordinary friend who changed everything.

After more than a decade of dead-end dates and dysfunctional relationships, Christie Tate has reclaimed her voice and settled down. Her days of agonizing in group therapy over guys who won’t commit are over, the grueling emotional work required to attach to another person tucked neatly into the past.

Or so she thought. Weeks after giddily sharing stories of her new boyfriend at Saturday morning recovery meetings, Christie receives a gift from a friend. Meredith, twenty years older and always impeccably accessorized, gives Christie a box of holiday-themed scarves as well as a gentle suggestion: maybe now is the perfect time to examine why friendships give her trouble. “The work never ends, right?” she says with a wink.

Christie isn’t so sure, but she soon realizes that the feeling of “apartness” that has plagued her since childhood isn’t magically going away now that she’s in a healthy romantic relationship. With Meredith by her side, she embarks on a brutally honest exploration of her friendships past and present, sorting through the ways that debilitating shame and jealousy have kept the lasting bonds she craves out of reach—and how she can overcome a history of letting go too soon.

BFF explores what happens when we finally break the habits that impair our ability to connect with others, and the ways that one life—however messy and imperfect—can change another.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Audiobook, Friendship, Biography Memoir, Biography, Adult

304 pages, Hardcover

First published February 7, 2023

Reviews

[Tess Pfeifle · Rating 3 out of 5]

Have you ever read a memoir by someone that was so radically different than you? And who you wouldn’t really want to spend time with? Christie Tate, in her upcoming book called BFF, describes her tumultuous experience of friendships with women. And, to be honest, reading it made me feel awful. Tate’s relationship with other women - her insecurity, her desire to be the only friend of importance in other’s lives, and her always feeling dissatisfied in friendships unless her social standing is equal or greater than those around her. This book was incredibly well written and I’m sure it is incredibly terrifying to share your worst secrets, inner thoughts, and shame…and Christie is brave for sharing in such a beautifully written way.

My heart breaks for Christie Tate, who experienced such a radically different world of women & their friendship. Women and their friendship is one of the gifts I’m so grateful for and something I cannot imagine living without, or having such a tragic relationship with.

My takeaway? Her biggest issue is that all of her conversations about friendship begin with “I.”

I hope by reading this, I become somehow more empathetic or better prepped to handle insecurities friends bring to me. Hopefully, I’m better able to support them and show them that truly being friends contains no ego, no comparisons, and no fear.

Christie, if you’re reading reviews — don’t (I don’t know you, but this seems like something you’d do)! You are a good writer. You are doing important things and it’s okay if not everyone loves this book, it doesn’t reflect poorly on you because it didn’t resonate with me. It will resonate with a lot of other women.

[Jessica Woodbury · Rating 4 out of 5]

I won't lie, a memoir about friendship sounds trite. It sounds like it's going to be all warmth and inspiration. It sounds like the kind of book I would walk right past. I say this even though friendship is something I'm spending a lot of time thinking about and working on. The difficulty of it, the messiness of it, these are often overlooked. Luckily I saw that this was from the author of Group, which dives head first into difficulty and messiness so I figured I was in good hands and I was right.

If you found Group too frustrating and over the top, you may like BFF a lot better. (While we do occasionally have a moment in the famous "group" of group therapy, it's quite limited and not much of a part of the story.) Here Tate's struggles are closer to average, her inability to keep friends long-term, her jealousies and resentments, her weaknesses and vulnerabilities. The story centers on her friendship with Meredith, twenty years her senior, who she meets through a twelve step group. The two of them gradually develop a friendship, and endeavor together to work on being a better friend. It's rewarding to see them grow together, to see this more unusual friendship blossom, and to see Tate get to step up and be there for the hard times through Meredith's death. (Not a spoiler, you find this out right at the beginning.)

Like Group, this is a book about change that really sees things through. Tate takes us through her friendships when she was young interspersed with her more recent struggles. We see where her insecurity comes from. We see her patterns. We see how her struggles with self-esteem lead her to walk away from people who care about her. And then we get to see her try to figure out how to stop. It is not a fast process, it is not immediately rewarding. It takes time, it has to happen at the right time, and this makes it all feel more true to life, more genuine.

My struggles aren't Tate's struggles, but the book helped me think about friendships, about how our own issues can become a barrier, about the difficulty of deciding to do the work even when it's hard. And once again I appreciated the way Tate has this almost inhuman level of vulnerability on the page, she can admit her deepest flaws and just give them to you as a reader. Even when she can't say any of them out loud to the people in her life at the time. I require a lot of reflection and understanding from a memoir and Tate doesn't disappoint.

While this is much less intense than Group, there's still a lot of discussion of eating disorders, though it's mostly general and not often on the page. Also brief mentions of suicidal thoughts and self-harm.

Full disclosure, Tate and I know each other from our blogging days (which get a short spotlight in this book, though I promise I am not in it).

[Basic B's Guide]

I’m going to leave a rating off this for now.

This is from the same author as Group, for which I really enjoyed. Christie bares all in this new memoir about friendship lost and found and I love her candidness and her ability to just be so real and open.

She’s a bit frustrating at times but some of her insecurities are relatable and great reminders about how to be a good friends.

The author narrates the audiobook and takes us from her childhood through adulthood.

If you’re looking for tips on adult friendships then might I suggest Share Your Stuff, I’ll Go First.

[Emma Deplores Goodreads Censorship · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars

I’m interested in people writing honestly about friendship and its challenges, and Tate is a good writer—this book is very quick and easy to read. It’s soul-baring, as the author confronts her failures as a friend from childhood through her 40s, but also generally hopeful, as she finds great friends and learns to do better. It would make a great choice as a jumping-off point for a reader or group who want to think and talk about their own friendships.

Of course, not everyone will share the author’s particular issues, namely envy of other women and dumping friends for boyfriends—especially in her younger and more messed-up years, when she based her entire self-worth on having a good man but struggled to find one. By the time she gets married she’s also a much more stable friend, though she still struggles with jealousy and fears that her friends like each other better than they like her. And she and almost all her friends are deeply immersed in the world of therapy and twelve-step recovery, which creates a somewhat different approach to relationships. In general they seem more deliberate and communicative than most people, though at times I thought Tate over-interpreted innocuous childhood circumstances (I suspect she feels like an inadequate outsider because she has a naturally neurotic, perfectionistic temperament, not because she shared a bathroom with her dad and brother growing up rather than her mom and sister), and that these people could be exhausting to spend time with! But I think plenty of readers will find something to relate to in her exploration of the nuances of friendship, especially as she learns to do better.

Tate structures this book about her friendship with one particular twelve-step friend, Meredith, who is about 20 years older. I think this is largely successful, and it’s a beautiful tribute to Meredith that will make readers love her too; she seems like a fascinating, complicated, messy person who suffered a lot in life but recovered and was able to help others too. That said, I couldn’t help suspecting the author chose her as a focal point simply because Meredith died of cancer (not a spoiler, that’s in the opening). The two agree to act as each other’s accountability buddy/coach/sounding board as they both work on their friendships, but I don’t think either would actually have called the other her best friend. By the time they decide their friendships need working on, they’re both in a pretty stable place with a lot of great friends and their nonsense mostly behind them. This mostly isn’t a problem for the book (though it’s a misleading title), but the whole last 40 pages, after Meredith’s death, are structured as letters to Meredith and I don’t think that really works—they read almost exactly like the regular text, just carrying on the author’s story with a “Dear Meredith” at the top.

Overall I found this to be quick, engaging and worthwhile reading—it feels almost gossipy, the author constantly dishing on herself, but I don’t think friendship is written about enough in comparison to its importance in people’s lives and wellbeing. So I appreciate a warts-and-all account like this. I would consider reading more from this author.

[Cat Sullivan · Rating 1 out of 5]

Similar feels to “Group”. The author is whiney and plays the victim card consistently. She complains of apartness and her inability to foster healthy female friendships but places blame on the most ridiculous things like the fact that she sat between her dad and brother at the dinner table growing up instead of sitting next to her mom and sisters. AND the fact that she used the bathroom closest to her bedroom growing up that she shared with her brother while her sister and mom used the one down the hall. What?

A true case of grasping for straws here.

[Jennifer Blankfein · Rating 4 out of 5]

Several years ago, Christie Tate published Group, a memoir about her therapist and support group … and she is back with B.F.F. a memoir of Friendship Lost and Found. A writer experienced in diving deep into messy situations, and growing up with a difficult family life and an eating disorder, Tate is open in sharing her struggles like jealousy and resentment surrounding making and keeping friends.

In this memoir Christie pieces together how to handle female relationships and she thinks she is over the hump when it comes to therapy and learning. That is when Meredith, a group therapy acquaintance close to 20 years older calls her out on mismanagement of friendships and together they go on the journey to navigate the developing of friendships with other women as well as with each other.

I enjoy Christie Tate’s telling of her experiences and insights she has along the way. By sharing her challenges it allows the reader to take note of their own actions and expectations. A lot of fodder for discussion makes this book a great book club choice.

[Zibby Owens · Rating 5 out of 5]

In this memoir, the author discusses how she lacked healthy and deep relationships. Until she met Meredith, Meredith was 20 years older and wanted to show the author what a true friendship could look like if she dealt with her issues. The book focuses on how that friendship helped her unpack all her past failed friendships and create new and deeper ones.

I loved the relationship with Meredith from the beginning when she gave the author a set of holiday scarves. The way she described her friend as someone plucked from the 1980s, a power suit-type-wearing woman, who I could vividly visualize. Over time, they ended up becoming hugely important to each other. Female friendships are not discussed in books enough - the complexity of creating friendships and nurturing them into long-lasting friendships takes a back seat to romantic relationships. The journey is immersed in the Recovery (12-step) world, which provides the reader with unexpected tools to navigate any relationships healthily.

To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at:
https://www.momsdonthavetimetoreadboo...

[Julietta · Rating 3 out of 5]

Here's another book that I picked up on a whim at my local library. Lately, that's what I've been doing in between trying to find books from my long TBR list.

All in all, I've given BFF a 3 because on the plus side: the events in the author's life are fascinating to me in and of themselves. However, the writing style seemed somehow flat and unengaged to me. There were a bunch of swearwords which doesn't usually bother me much, but the actions and activities would unfold without any particular reaction from the author until, BANG...she was suddenly cutting herself! This seemed to come out of nowhere. I feel there should have been some type of inkling that she was heading in that direction, but maybe that's the nature of how her mind was thinking at the time: cut off from her own feelings and needs. Anyhoooo, that's why I gave the book a 3. Good enough to finish, but not good enough to read another of hers, is my analysis.

BFF is divided into 3 parts. PART 1 is about Christie's early life and her bad patterns with female friendship which she destroys by comparing herself negatively to girlfriends and getting jealous, then cutting them off abruptly. The aforementioned habit began in her family of origin where she was made to feel inferior to her sister by the whole family. Following are a few evils of comparison quotes from the book:
"Compare and despair" (from 12 step programs?)
"Comparing yourself to others is an act of violence against your authentic self." by Iyanla Vanzant

PART 2 takes a nasty turn as Christie's friend (yes, she is finally able to make and keep a friend!), Meredith from her 12 step groups gets a cancer which soon spreads leading to the inevitable end of the friendship AND the friend. Following is part of the author's reaction to the news.

The thickness from my voice spread to my throat, chest, and stomach. Every part of me thick and heavy, ready to rain.

It reminds me of the Bruno Mars song "It Will Rain". Loss of love is certainly a type of grief.
She bursts into tear in Staples where she's having the funeral programs printed up. I can strongly relate to these messy and conspicuous grief waves.

Maybe it was the reality that grief is messy and unpredictable and impossible to control.

PART 3 is written in the form of a letter/diary to the deceased Meredith about what is currently happening as the pandemic locks everyone down. The previous 2 parts had occurred before this. Christie is able to little by little reconnect with friends first by Zoom and then in person. She does have quite a few slip ups along the way.

It was difficult for me to relate to the difficulty with female friendships. This could be because I always had an excellent friendship with my mother and didn't have any sisters to compete with me and be jealous of. Similarly, I've always felt pure love for my daughter with no undercurrents of jealousy. On the whole, BFF to me was more of an ethnographic study of what it would look like to have friendship problems. Worth reading, but not one of my all out faves.

[Laura Donovan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh how I love Christie Tate. Her first memoir “Group” pulled me out of a funk two years ago, and it’s good to see she still has the same amazing writing chops as before. The audiobook narration is perfect too, as she has a really friendly, accessible voice. Christie has clearly done a lot of therapy and analysis on every aspect of her life, and that shows in each anecdote she shares. She looks back on her past with new eyes and focuses on how she felt, whether or not someone intended to hurt her. That said, I think it would be exhausting to only hang out with people in group therapy, as all her therapy friends are so deep in their own thought processes and issues that every interaction is overthought and litigated. I wrote of her previous book that the group therapy Christie attended seemed too all-consuming for most people. It seems to me she built a community in group that she never felt in her family, where her little sister was the golden miracle, and Christie didn’t feel much warmth from her parents. Christie is a wonderful writer, and I admire the courage it takes to share all one’s insecurities, petty thoughts, and flaws in such a thoughtful way. I think the people criticizing Christie must struggle with admitting their own shortcomings. She’s comfortable sharing that she isn’t always perfect or rational. My heart breaks for Christie that she never really experienced positive female friendships until Meredith. My friends have gotten me through the worst times in my life, as I didn’t have siblings in the traditional sense and had to turn to my peers for help. Christie is an extraordinary writer and person, and I can’t wait for her next book.

[Lori Tatar · Rating 5 out of 5]

No hesitation in giving this five stars ⭐️

This is a beautiful book about being a woman, and female friendships, not in the mushy, sweet way, but in the messy, effed up way that many if not most of us are familiar with. What happens when it all falls apart? And more importantly, how do you heal move forward? Do you move forward?

B.F.F. explores womanhood, motherhood, sisterhood, friendship, love and grief like nothing else I have read. I absolutely loved this book.

[Maxine Springer · Rating 4 out of 5]

4 | I don’t think this will be a book for everyone, although I do think it’s a memoir that most women could relate to in some way. The narrator is certainly not always a likable one, which I think she would be the first to admit. I was fully absorbed in listening to her story and could personally connect to it in some ways, especially as someone who has attended 12-step meetings. I’ll be thinking about this one for a long time.

[Natalie Brandy · Rating 2 out of 5]

I kind of hated this book, and finished it out of spite. As someone who values friendship (especially female friendship) above most other relationships, it was very difficult to sympathize with the author. I do realize that its important to read materials that tell from a different perspective than one is used to, but also, I suspect the author may be a covert narcissist.

[Ruth · Rating 5 out of 5]

Christie Tate's first book "Group" was the story of her finding a therapy group and a therapist which changed the trajectory of her life. In this book, she approaches the topic of female friendship and how and why friendships go awry. She alternates between examining her issues with her sister and childhood friends, which set up patterns that continued into her adult friendships, with the friendship/mentorship of a wise woman many years older who would ultimately become sick and pass away, bringing with it new feelings and complications for Tate and the friends who admired her beloved mentor.

Excellent and wise illuminations of how we sabotage ourselves and write our own self-defeating scripts. The writing flows and I highly recommend this book to people who are wanting to explore their own approach to friendship.

[Vicky Griffith · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’ve so wanted a book that delves into the complications of friendships but this one came from such a perspective of inferiority I couldn’t relate. #25wordbookreviews

[Book.ishJulie · Rating 4 out of 5]

After reading Group: How One Therapist And A Circle Of Strangers Saved My Life by Christie Tate last year, I jumped at the chance to read her next book, B.F.F.: A Memoir Of Friendship Lost And Found. This memoir will stand out to me in a few ways.

First, Tate puts in the time with therapy and support groups, and as she processes one relationship, there is always another that needs to be worked on. Her words reminded me that the age old belief of how life will be better at the next milestone, just simply isn't true. It's sometimes hard to remember this as we look at others highlight reels, but we live in the real world, and not in a fairy tale, and the grass is not always greener on the other side. As a firm believer in therapy, I know there will always be work that needs to be done in all aspects of life.

Second, although Tate at times has an idealized view of friendships and a desire to save all her past relationships, I think it's also important to know that some friendships simply fade. Your interests change as you age, mature and grow, and the person you were in grade school is not the same person you are now. You can't expect every friendship to withstand the test of time. I don't think we should always feel the urge to bring back friendships that have reached their expiration date.

Lastly, as much as this memoir is about friendship, in particular just how hard female friendships are, this book was about grief to me. Grieving past lost friendships, grieving a friends passing, grieving who you were and who you thought you should be at this point in your life.

I really love Tate's approachable writing style. It is exactly what drew me in with Group, and I think this really is the biggest appeal for me in her work. I enjoy the swears, and the real-life way she writes. This lends me to believe this is the type of no-BS friend that Tate is, and the reason that her friendship with Meredith grew and evolved the way it did. Their friendship takes on an even deeper role, as Meredith is diagnosed with a terminal illness.

I could relate to this aspect of Tate's friendship with Meredith, as someone who has been that final phone call from a friend. Something that Tate's husband John said to her "It's also a privilege." struck me in the heart so deeply. It is beyond a privilege to sit at someones bedside, welcomed into being part of their last moments.

I will continue to read anything that Tate writes.

Thank you NetGalley and Simon & Schuster Canada for the complimentary copy to read and review.

[Heather · Rating 3 out of 5]

Despite every 30- to 40-something woman I know constantly lamenting how difficult it is to meet like-minded acquaintances, friendships are typically under-studied in my discipline (Communication Studies). I've been on a minor quest lately to find a good pseudo-scientific books about making and maintaining adult friendships (see also: MWF Seeking BFF ). This memoir is a bit lighter on the "research" than others, but way heavier on the therapy-speak. The author is/was in recovery for an eating disorder and is/was in Al-Anon, so she borrows generously from those groups' mantras, acronyms and ideologies. And I mean generously. Yes, many of the ideas are transferrable and this book wisely frames female friendships with a deeper gravity and respect than we're used to seeing, but reading endless conversations with her friend-sponsor in which she meticulously rehashes her childhood insecurities in order to analyze her current insecurities gets a bit old. At some point, you gotta grow up and move on, babe.

Plus, Tate seems like a whiny, self-indulgent pill, so it's sometimes hard to root for her. The last 1/3 of the book lives in the shadow of a dear friendship that eventually grew stagnant because Tate was rabidly jealous of the (creative, successful, generous) friend... and which then evolved into a downright hostile and borderline psychotic hatred because Tate couldn't stand the idea of a former friend who had "a better life" than her. When Tate finally ran into the woman years later, the former friend was kind and charming and effervescent because she had no idea that Tate had grown to absolutely hate her guts. Tate seemed surprised and confused that the friend hadn't also wasted years of her life engulfed in unprovoked jealousy. Cool way to be an adult, Tate.

In her defense, Tate readily and repeatedly admits that she has subterranean self-esteem and is almost functionally incapable of having a true friendship with an adult female. But, like... being upfront about it doesn't make it fun to read.

There are some good insights here, but they're buried under a lot of repetitive self-help proselytizing.

[Rebecca · Rating 5 out of 5]

What I loved about «Group», I love about «BFF»—Christie’s unflinching candor and ability to share her internal journeys and conflict. BFF is a beautiful homage to what it means to be a friend, to have a friend, and to allow yourself to be worthy of friendship. It is joyous laughter, ugly crying, and it settles right into your soul.

[Sarah Adamscheck · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received this book as an ARC in a Goodreads Giveaway. I absolutely loved Christie Rate’s vulnerability and self awareness in her first book “Group” and felt the same way reading this one. So emotional and compelling, I devoured this book and recommend it to anyone that wants to read about the fears and errors in friendships

[Brigitta · Rating 5 out of 5]

Christie Tate's first book, Group: How One Therapist and a Circle of Strangers Saved My Life is one of my favourite books of all time, and one that I think describes the group experience in the most raw and relatable way I have read.

I was really excited to find out about Christie's new book about friendship, which is a topic I have been recently pondering myself. B.F.F. is a story, a collection of moments and lessons in friendship, but also a guide and a bunch of tips on building better friendships, sorting through and maintaing the relationships in our lives.

I was deeply invested in Christie's struggles and life which she was so brave and candid about in Group: How One Therapist and a Circle of Strangers Saved My Life, so I was so happy to realize that, aside from diving deep into the topic of friendships, this book is also a continuation of the story in Group, a new chapter of it. However, in this book, we see a much more mature Christie, to whom I can still relate but also look up to. I like the book's rawness, sincerity and vulnerability, which is, I think, in part thanks to Christie's talent and in part thanks to the many many years of self-work she has completed.

[Debbie · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars.
It was good. A very deep dive into why friends drift away, why friends no longer fit in our lives, and how to handle the disappointments in many of our friendships. And holy cow, can we woman be immature sometimes. Come on ladies(me as well) get your shit together and grow up! Yes, I related to some behaviours. (Put embarrassed emoji face here) I was actually grateful to be not the only one who at times was too sensitive, made it “all about me” or carried a grudge for too long. We are all human and these things happen. Now what? Do you really have enough friends that you can let them just drop out of your life? Probably not.
But through Christie’s very personal self examination we learn that we can do better. And it’s worth is to do better. Friends do take time, emotional energy and attention. And a very good friend is worth all of that and more.

[Fiona Sheridan · Rating 3 out of 5]

This wasn’t my favorite style of writing but I did enjoy the ending. A story about the struggles of female friendships and the lessons learned from losing and struggling through working through them. Also discusses grief since there is a loss in the author’s life.

[Chelsea · Rating 2 out of 5]

It takes a lot of courage to admit your insecurities and jealousies, especially within friendships. Tate is candid about her selfish behavior and how it allowed many of her female friendships to fall apart. I found her desire to be the most prioritized friends relatable. However, this book could have benefitted from examination of the societal factors that caused her to devalue her friendships for her romantic relationships, to feel jealous of other women, and how her privilege as a white person affected her friend circle. I also felt deeply uninvested in her story. Her friendship with Meredith as well as the other women in the story were not portrayed in a particularly compelling manner. I think the author didn’t provide many specific details about conversations or events that happened (it was clear that the dialogue was not word-for-word).

Notes:

- prioritization of romantic over platonic relationships hurts her romantic relationship because she only has her boyfriend to dump her emotions on
- Loneliness causes Tate to drive away people
- Sense of intimidation and jealousy towards female friends, which ruins friendships
- Wants superiority over her friends
- Amatonormative desire to get a boyfriend to avoid dying alone
- Desire for a strong individual bff relationship rather than a friend group
- Desire for popularity overcomes Tate’s desire for true friendship
- Misogyny and early relationships w women are affect Tate’s female friendships
- Tate is the source of her own problems
- Eating disorder
- Hurt by being excluded by friends
- The urgency and attention given to friends was far below what Tate gave to her romantic partners
- Shame of having something your friends want
- Shame about going backwards in a recovery journey
- Meredith’s cancer made Tate lean on her more
- Loss of Meredith makes Tate reconnect and value her past and current friendships
- Positive friendship therapy representation!

[Izabel | izreadsthings · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received an advance reader copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

Ok wow. Such a good book. At first I was put off by the author’s neuroticism but her insights & self awareness are so interesting. Feels odd to say I love this book, given that so much of it is spent in Christie’s anxieties and a character’s untimely death.

Tate is so open about her anxieties, insecurities, resentments, and other factors that get in the way of her friendships. Despite these negative thoughts making up a significant portion of the book, it’s quite fascinating that she’s so self aware of these thoughts and how it’s impacted all of her relationships. I think she has a level of introspection & self awareness I may never reach 🤪

Regardless, this book isn’t just about her insecurities. Rather, it centres a relationship with a woman named Meredith, many years her senior, who she met in group therapy. Tate has troubled friendships (/relationships) with just about everyone except for Meredith. She really emulates all these good qualities in friendship - pushing you to be better, challenging you, commiserating, truly seeing you, even as your worst version of yourself. It’s a really beautiful memoir of how Meredith helps her get back to herself.

[Cat]

I don’t know how to review this without coming across as a bully. Memoirs are tricky in that way, this one more than most given it’s nature. This seems like the type of book I’d like and I’ve enjoyed similar memoirs where the author is inherently difficult and exhausting due to their addiction or mental illness, idk why this one hit different. I’ll save my harsher criticisms but it seems like this woman spent decades in therapy and recovery and hasn’t really learned much. Browsing some reviews for her previous book it makes it sound like her therapist sucks and she should get a new one.

I almost abandoned this tbh but I was really curious to know how that woman she had a one-sided feud with was going to respond when she learned about said feud, but no such luck. How are you going to deprive us of that after making it such a central part of the narrative?

Alright, I’ll keep the rest of my ungenerous takes to myself. Best of luck to her. Life is hard enough and I hope she finds a way to stop making it so much harder for herself.

[McKenzie Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

Christie Tate, telling “how one life can alter another.” Her books / life truly emphasize the power of vulnerability and community! I heavily related to some of her story, yet felt saddened by some of it too — I have such amazing female friendships. After a year of celebrating and being celebrated, this made me feel very mush & sentimental about my girlfriends 🥹

[Emma Klinger · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF - did not enjoy this one at all couldn’t get through it. It felt very monotonous and just kinda a bunch of the same little stories over and over again and I didn’t love the authors writing style and since it’s a memoir just couldn’t finish

[Molly Firth · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a good read (read most of it on a short flight). A lot of the challenges the author and her friends were facing rang familiar in some ways - friendships can be hard! But the author's seemed particularly hard? Good to have access to therapy and support groups to help work through life's challenges. (I ❤️ therapy!)

[Sadaf Dastan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Christie Tate does it again! I never wanted this book to end.

[Leslie · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5
For me, this book was entertaining, intense, raw, sad, emotional, amusing, a little heavy on the navel gazing, thought provoking, AND easy to give a high rating.
I also enjoyed the author’s first book #christytatefan

[Tanya · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received this ARC from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.

Christie Tate takes us through her life and shows us the struggles she experienced, first as a new big sister who realizes she is no longer in the spotlight of her parent's attention. In middle school, she wanted to be one of the popular girls and sacrifices her genuine identity to be who everyone else wants her to be. She abandoned true friendships for relationships with alcoholic men who never treated her well. She always feels a sense of detachment from her friends, whether its because they're married or starting families or have successful careers, she always feels that she is somehow missing something that allows her to find a true genuine deeply connected BFF. After years of struggling with an eating disorder, she goes to therapy and there she finds Meredith. Meredith is 20 years her senior. With years of experience behind her, Meredith helps Christie to realize the work she needs to put in to build a healthy foundation for a friendship to flourish. Then Meredith gets the diagnosis of metastatic breast cancer.
This is an astoundingly beautiful memoir about friendships. It shows us the good, the bad, and the embarrassing. Christie bares her soul to us. She allows herself to be completely vulnerable as she confesses her deepest regrets, thoughts and emotions. As I read, I found myself reflecting back to the times in my life when I've struggled to maintain certain friendships. Although my struggles were not as significant as what Christie experienced, it did force me to look more deeply at my friendships and recognize the ways that I could have done things differently. Overall, it made me so grateful for the friendships that I have and what I can do to deepen those connections.

This book does discuss eating disorders, alcoholism, cancer and death.