Sons and Others: On Loving Male Survivors

404 Inklings #11

by Tanaka Mhishi

Men who experience sexual abuse are often dismissed, only brought up as the butt of a joke, an exception to the rule or, perhaps worst, to be used as a rhetorical tool against female victims. Sons and Others offers a new way of seeing these men in our lives, and asks how the violence they experience affects us all.

Genres: Nonfiction

112 pages, Paperback

First published September 29, 2022

Reviews

[Mark Rizk Farag · Rating 4 out of 5]

Trigger warning - sexual abuse/assault.














Whether you are aware of it or not, you probably know a man who has been a victim of some form of sexual abuse/assault. Despite this, the topic is not covered very often in literature, research or media.


This book provided an excellent and short primer on a very important and underdiscusded topic: male victims of sexual abuse/assault.

The topic is understandably underdiscussed. It is not only a stigmatised topic, but can be seen (or even used) by some to detract from experiences of other groups who are more at risk of sexual abuse/assault such as women and non binary individuals.

The topic is covered sensitively, empathetically and succinctly, with the author making use of his own experience, research and literature in the area.

That said there are critiques of traditional masculinity that are supported by very sparse evidence and I don't think this is necessarily helpful, given that many of the victims are likely to be traditionally masculine.

[Miles Edwin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Honest and raw, this is my third read from the Inklings series and they have yet to disappoint. Mhishi does an excellent job of balancing personal experience with data and statistics, and I really hope he continues to discuss this in his future work - it’s desperately needed.

[Robert Thorpe-Woods · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book shines a light on male sexual violence suvivors, it challenges misconceptions and is both courageous and vulnerable. Tanaka is a brilliant writer who is providing a voice for many who feel voiceless.

[Sam · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very informative with some wow moments — I'm literally about to write an essay on the idea that sexual assault is a gendered act so that was really fascinating to encounter. However that being said the writing style in general was just not that engaging which truth be told is really what stopped this from being more than just an interesting read and becoming something shattering which I feel it could have been.

[Eirwen Abberley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Eye-opening, shocking and deeply important - but not without hope

[Luc Forsyth · Rating 4 out of 5]

incredibly eloquent, thought-provoking and touching. it’s difficult to find the words to create an opinion for this sort of book - it’s not a story in the traditional sense; these individuals’ experiences are not being retold for any sort of entertainment.
instead, this book has taught me a lot. it’s made me reconsider the intricacies of the issue of sexual violence, and its interlinking with gender bias, from a completely different perspective.
definitely a book i’ll look back on again.

[J S · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is profound and transformative - beautifully written with insights and research weaving together to create a book that will be an important part of the change in conversation about sexual violence.

[Eliana Lazzara · Rating 4 out of 5]

A bit disjointed but incredibly valuable.

[Federica Di Gaetano · Rating 5 out of 5]

Il destino ha voluto che mi imbattessi in questo libro durante un viaggio a Londra.
Un pugno nello stomaco, tantissimo dolore ma anche tanta luce, nonostante tutto.

[Tom Ward · Rating 5 out of 5]

A fantastic essay on societies attitudes towards male survivors and how we interact or should interact, and love, them.

[Oliver Snowden · Rating 4 out of 5]

Raw and emotional and an important read

[Philtatos · Rating 4 out of 5]

An extremely important meditation and essay exploring the need to have discourse about male rape - largely ignored and unspoken about. I learnt a lot.

[Julia · Rating 5 out of 5]

a very important book!

[Kees Huisman · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.75

[Neeraj Mashru · Rating 5 out of 5]

Deeply honest and vulnerable and thought provoking

[Jack Birrell · Rating 5 out of 5]

“…and the taking care of each other is worth it.”