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Spiritual Diary
Who was Fr. Sergius Bulgakov, the pastor who stands behind the epochal theology of Eastern Orthodox sophiology? What better place to look than his own Spiritual Diary, which opens to us the mind and heart of this prolific and original theologian of the twentieth century? This volume, the first of his diaries to be published in English, depicts in illuminating detail Bulgakov's daily life as a priest ministering in exile, the exultations and desolations of his personal prayer life, and his confoundment and pain towards the fate of his homeland ruled by the aggressively atheist Soviet state. In these personal reflections we discover the pastoral matrix from which arose such distinctive features of Bulgakov's mature theology as his theology of Sophia, the Divine Wisdom, as God's mystical presence in creation. Beyond this, however, at its core the Diary is a work of spiritual edification and meditation meant to draw the reader into contemplation. Together with biographical and theological introductions provided by the translators, this volume will serve scholars of Bulgakov and Orthodox theology as well as Christians of all traditions who wish to unite their theology with prayer.
- GenresChristianity
238 pages, Paperback
Published June 15, 2022
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About the author
Sergius Bulgakov
54 books64 followersSergei Nikolaevich Bulgakov (/bʊlˈɡɑːkəf/;[1] Russian: Серге́й Никола́евич Булга́ков; 28 July [O.S. 16 July] 1871 – 13 July 1944) was a Russian Orthodox Christian theologian, philosopher, and economist.
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December 27, 2022
Fr. Sergei Bulgakov is widely regarded as one of the greatest theological minds of the twentieth century; but he was also—and perhaps primarily—a priest who was profoundly devoted to his vocation as a shepherd of souls; a calling he accepted upon his ordination in 1918, right in the midst of the Bolshevik Revolution that would soon compel him to spend the remainder of his life in exile. The Spiritual Diary offers an illuminating view into the tempestuous private mind of a religious genius during a singularly transformative moment in his life.
Bulgakov seems to have been a man who oscillated between wild grandiosity and excruciating self-reproach. During the period between his ordination and his expulsion from Russia in 1922, he fantasized of himself as a latter-day prophet, elected by God to herald a reunion of the Orthodox and Roman Catholic churches for the rejuvenation of both, empowering the Church to breathe through both of its “lungs,” and to address the moral and intellectual challenges of modernity. At the same time, he struggled with painful feelings of inadequacy, especially when he compared himself with contemporaries like Fr. Pavel Florensky—a polymath often lauded as the Russian Da Vinci—who Bulgakov practically worshipped, as demonstrated by an entry from an earlier diary written in 1922:
“[Florensky], of course, is one of a kind; he is a miracle of human thought and genius—he himself knows this about himself, and this, liberating him from every trifling and earthly thing, gives him the power and consciousness of superhuman freedom. He is in fact the Übermensch, but at the same time he is a Christian—a saint.”
Following his departure from Russia, first for Constantinople (Istanbul? Never heard of it) and then for Prague, Bulgakov was humbled by a series of personal trials that forced him to reassess his calling. Exiled from the nation of his birth, unsure of his prospects, disconnected from Florensky, and plagued by feelings of guilt for not being permitted to remain in Russia to suffer with his coreligionists under the new atheistic regime, Bulgakov’s idea of an East-West reunion was rejected by everyone with whom he shared it. The Orthodox of Constantinople rebuffed him and questioned his Orthodoxy, while the Catholics tried to convert him to Catholicism. Now entering his fifties, Bulgakov was desperate to leave his mark on the world and tormented by the thought that he could soon die without having discovered, let alone fulfilled, the purpose of his life. He expressed his agonizing uncertainty in another entry from an earlier journal from December 1923:
“Everything is hazy in my soul, and I can’t even understand myself anymore. The main thing is that I [previously] had the conviction that God had sent me. And, it turned out, that was a delusion, which I did not know how to discern. Or, perhaps the last word has not been spoken! It feels so heavy, and difficult, difficult, difficult!”
To make matters considerably worse, Bulgakov’s wife became seriously ill in late 1923 and early 1924; and Bulgakov became convinced not only that she would die, but that her suffering was divine retribution for her husband’s sinful arrogance. Thankfully, she recovered, and Bulgakov’s spirits recovered with her. Now relocated to Prague to take up a professorship at Charles University, a more humble Bulgakov began to discover the pastoral gifts that would be lauded even by his intellectual opponents. It was in this critical period, from early 1924 to just after his final relocation to Paris in 1925, that Bulgakov wrote the Spiritual Diary. With little in the way of personal pretention or high-flown theological speculation, the diary is the record of a parish priest getting back to basics. Most of the entries concern the struggles of Bulgakov’s prayer life, which often circled the drain of despondency, as well as accounts of such difficult pastoral tasks as ministering to the sick and dying, self-reassurances on the divine election of each person to the cruciform trials and triumphs of his own life, songs of praise for the grace of God, and lamentations over the state of affairs in Russia.
Bulgakov often chastises himself for spiritual laziness, as in this typical early entry:
His peals of exasperation over the evil forces descending on his homeland are, in a strange way, rather apposite for the Russia of our own time, in light of its terroristic war against Ukraine and the moral nihilism that makes it palatable for the Russian public and political establishment. Given his lifelong opposition to the “Eurasianism” of his own time and his tepid admiration for the United States, Bulgakov would probably not have thought well of the Stalin-revering Putin or Dugin, even if he would have regarded the indifference of the Russian public as a vice born of ignorance rather than malice, and hoped for their redemption:
No longer a self-appointed prophet, Bulgakov came to appreciate the cosmic significance of each life, no matter how seemingly prosaic, and the profound importance of accomplishing the providential work set before each of us by God:
This work includes all the people in our lives, regardless of their relationship to us, each of whom is given to us for the labors of love and prayer:
Now equipped with hard-earned wisdom on the Scylla and Charybdis of pride and despondency, Bulgakov reflects on the via media; a consciousness of sin that never loses sight of the fact that existence itself is a miracle, and that all things, including the whole of one’s life, are ultimately enveloped by mercy:
Bulgakov meditates on the meaning of the Cross, which is the appointed fate of every person:
He sings beautiful praises to the Mother of God, who intercedes with Christ on behalf of our fallen humanity, and as the perfection of His own:
On his fifty-fourth birthday, Bulgakov reflects on the crown of old age:
A fascinating glimpse into a passionate, conflicted, and ingenious mind.
Bulgakov seems to have been a man who oscillated between wild grandiosity and excruciating self-reproach. During the period between his ordination and his expulsion from Russia in 1922, he fantasized of himself as a latter-day prophet, elected by God to herald a reunion of the Orthodox and Roman Catholic churches for the rejuvenation of both, empowering the Church to breathe through both of its “lungs,” and to address the moral and intellectual challenges of modernity. At the same time, he struggled with painful feelings of inadequacy, especially when he compared himself with contemporaries like Fr. Pavel Florensky—a polymath often lauded as the Russian Da Vinci—who Bulgakov practically worshipped, as demonstrated by an entry from an earlier diary written in 1922:
“[Florensky], of course, is one of a kind; he is a miracle of human thought and genius—he himself knows this about himself, and this, liberating him from every trifling and earthly thing, gives him the power and consciousness of superhuman freedom. He is in fact the Übermensch, but at the same time he is a Christian—a saint.”
Following his departure from Russia, first for Constantinople (Istanbul? Never heard of it) and then for Prague, Bulgakov was humbled by a series of personal trials that forced him to reassess his calling. Exiled from the nation of his birth, unsure of his prospects, disconnected from Florensky, and plagued by feelings of guilt for not being permitted to remain in Russia to suffer with his coreligionists under the new atheistic regime, Bulgakov’s idea of an East-West reunion was rejected by everyone with whom he shared it. The Orthodox of Constantinople rebuffed him and questioned his Orthodoxy, while the Catholics tried to convert him to Catholicism. Now entering his fifties, Bulgakov was desperate to leave his mark on the world and tormented by the thought that he could soon die without having discovered, let alone fulfilled, the purpose of his life. He expressed his agonizing uncertainty in another entry from an earlier journal from December 1923:
“Everything is hazy in my soul, and I can’t even understand myself anymore. The main thing is that I [previously] had the conviction that God had sent me. And, it turned out, that was a delusion, which I did not know how to discern. Or, perhaps the last word has not been spoken! It feels so heavy, and difficult, difficult, difficult!”
To make matters considerably worse, Bulgakov’s wife became seriously ill in late 1923 and early 1924; and Bulgakov became convinced not only that she would die, but that her suffering was divine retribution for her husband’s sinful arrogance. Thankfully, she recovered, and Bulgakov’s spirits recovered with her. Now relocated to Prague to take up a professorship at Charles University, a more humble Bulgakov began to discover the pastoral gifts that would be lauded even by his intellectual opponents. It was in this critical period, from early 1924 to just after his final relocation to Paris in 1925, that Bulgakov wrote the Spiritual Diary. With little in the way of personal pretention or high-flown theological speculation, the diary is the record of a parish priest getting back to basics. Most of the entries concern the struggles of Bulgakov’s prayer life, which often circled the drain of despondency, as well as accounts of such difficult pastoral tasks as ministering to the sick and dying, self-reassurances on the divine election of each person to the cruciform trials and triumphs of his own life, songs of praise for the grace of God, and lamentations over the state of affairs in Russia.
Bulgakov often chastises himself for spiritual laziness, as in this typical early entry:
“The Lord has given us a spiritual sword—prayer; yet how difficult it is for us to wield it when our hearts grow lazy and cold. Man hurries to quickly bypass prayer and to undertake the day’s work, he hurries away from prayer. And only when he overcomes this laziness of his heart, when his heart is ignited by prayer, does he see that he is hurrying to nowhere and for nothing, that there is nothing on earth more needful and sweet than prayer.” - 12 / 25.III.1924
His peals of exasperation over the evil forces descending on his homeland are, in a strange way, rather apposite for the Russia of our own time, in light of its terroristic war against Ukraine and the moral nihilism that makes it palatable for the Russian public and political establishment. Given his lifelong opposition to the “Eurasianism” of his own time and his tepid admiration for the United States, Bulgakov would probably not have thought well of the Stalin-revering Putin or Dugin, even if he would have regarded the indifference of the Russian public as a vice born of ignorance rather than malice, and hoped for their redemption:
“What a scourge has befallen the Russian land, what depravity! The mind grows faint from trying to comprehend what is taking place; Satan, unbound, rages [Rev. 12:12]. But Lord, my Lord, You are just and just are Your ways [Rev. 15:3]. You know that they are not guilty, those who are imbibing along with their mother’s milk an education in sin, just as there is no merit in those who have lived in other, more Christian times.” - 5 / 18.VIII.1924
No longer a self-appointed prophet, Bulgakov came to appreciate the cosmic significance of each life, no matter how seemingly prosaic, and the profound importance of accomplishing the providential work set before each of us by God:
“Both think and feel as if the destinies of the world depend on you—on your activity or inactivity, however small or insignificant in its sphere—no less than they depend on all these grandiose but illusory events taking place on the stage of history. But do not think of averting your eyes, of drawing back, of pronouncing the real as nonexistent, of fleeing from your duty. Cursed be the lazy and wicked servant! [Matt. 25:26]. Be especially faithful to the human heart whose love and destiny the Lord entrusts to you. Attend to it as the most important thing, as the duty in your life for which you are most accountable, which holds significance for the entire world. Love, take risks, sacrifice, and the rest will be granted to you [Matt. 6:33].” - 7 / 20.VIII.1924
This work includes all the people in our lives, regardless of their relationship to us, each of whom is given to us for the labors of love and prayer:
“The Lord sends people. He disposes meetings, He indicates paths. There is nothing accidental in relationships between people; people were created for each other. Pray for those who love you and for your friends, pray for those who hate you [Matt. 5:44], pray for those who do not pray for themselves, the burdened and blinded. For all people need your prayer..." 8 / 21.VIII.1924
Now equipped with hard-earned wisdom on the Scylla and Charybdis of pride and despondency, Bulgakov reflects on the via media; a consciousness of sin that never loses sight of the fact that existence itself is a miracle, and that all things, including the whole of one’s life, are ultimately enveloped by mercy:
“Be not despondent, for there is no weakness or sin more deadly. Consider: the all-wise and all-marvelous God has, from the ages, elected you to exist. He has given you life, he has determined your destiny from your first day to your last. He elected for you a time, a land, a people, those near to you, family, friends. He has endowed you with the gifts you need and those you can handle, and He desires only one thing from you: to love Him, to trust Him like a son does a Father.
“But you, fearful and despairing, see not a Father but only an evil torturer in the heavens. You are ungrateful because you do not see and do not want to see blessings. You do not want to recognize that there is no blessing greater than life, the gift of the Giver of Life. You are blindsided by trials, sins, calamities, you grow faint from your filth and the limitations you constantly rediscover in yourself.
“But consider that God, more clearly than you do, sees your destiny, and He knows not only this instant, in which you are growing faint, but also the ages of ages. Renounce fear, which is the offspring of the devil, for the one who fears is not perfected in love [1 John 4:18]; cast away despondency, that death of the soul before death. Repent for your sins, but do not fear them, for boundless is the mercy of God. Fear the justice of God, but do not despair, for the scales of His justice also weigh all your creaturely weakness. Do not make peace with this sinful world, but know that it is upheld by God’s hand, just as you are. Without this very moment the world would not exist, and the world—despite all its sins—is upheld by the all-knowing and all-forgiving love of God. So how could you, how dare you, be despondent?" - 14 / 27.X.1924
Bulgakov meditates on the meaning of the Cross, which is the appointed fate of every person:
“The holy cross is the thrice-blessed wood of salvation, and it is the mystery of our personal fate. It is to the degree that we take up our cross that we also have within us the power of life for eternity. The cross is the sign of victory that has conquered the world, but it is also a weapon of battle, as well as the battleground itself, just like the cross’s own two axes: they oppose one another and yet are bound together. ‘If You are the Son of God, come down from the cross’ [Matt. 27:40]; thus they spoke to Him, and likewise the world cannot help but say the same to each of us. ‘Make peace with the world, put down the cross with its angles that divide so sharply, and you will be saved.’
“But this is deception, because these axes always cross in one’s personal destiny. The cross is given to each of us: we can only take it or not take it, we can only take action through the cross of Christ or not take action. Oh, how the heart shrinks at this thought, for even the Son of God prayed: ‘Let this cup pass from me’ [Matt. 26:39], and He had to prove victorious in the deadly struggle: ‘Thy will be done!’ [Matt. 26:42]. Therefore do not fear this exhaustion, O man, do not stumble at the thought of the agony of the cross, because this will pass and there will remain only the sign of victory... Collapse, fall, but get back up and follow after Him until the victorious end...” - 16 / 29.IX.1924
He sings beautiful praises to the Mother of God, who intercedes with Christ on behalf of our fallen humanity, and as the perfection of His own:
“Joy of Joys, Mother of God! You are light and delight and comfort. You are the salvation of the world, You are the soothing of the groaning creation [Rom 8:22], You are the Bearer of the Holy Spirit. You are the Holy Spirit Himself manifested as a human being. You are the Mother of our God and of the entire human race. You are the Unwedded Bride, wedded to the Heavenly Bridegroom and united to every Christian soul. It is by Your Love for Christ, Your Son, that every Christian soul loves: like a mother, it loves Christ like a son of its own bearing, and like a bride, it loves by rushing towards her bridegroom. The King’s Daughter is all glorious within [Ps. 45:13]: Your whole power creates the inner man [Eph. 3:16], You live with the world, You are our peace, You who abide in the heavens.
“It is by Your love that we are spared the just anger of God, and by Your prayers at the Dread Judgment of Your Son we are freed from just condemnation. You are a most radiant sun to the world, You are the Woman clothed with the sun [Rev. 12:1]. On Your account all speech falters, exhausting itself in loving You. At the hour of death You comfort us, You stand at the bedside of the dying. You give delight to Your elect, and by Your joyful countenance You bring joy. Even to us, sinful as we are, You have revealed Your countenance in Your holy icons and have helped us to honor You. You overshadow heaven and earth. You fill forest and field, water and dry land, and you prepare a new earth [cf. Rev. 21:1]. You grant comfort to all existence: for You flowers give off their sweet scent, for You the hues of this world become resplendent. Sounds of sweetness serenade you, mountains and lands praise You, All-Good Queen, the Most Holy Mistress of heaven and earth. Joy of Joys, our only Joy, our complete Joy.” - 26.IX / 9.X.1924
On his fifty-fourth birthday, Bulgakov reflects on the crown of old age:
"Approaching or even entering into old age conceals in itself its own precious possibilities: it is, or can be, the crowning of life. He who has reached old age is thereby freed from the passions of the flesh, and though he remains in the body, its passions are now alien to him; through the experience of a long life he has comprehended what was necessary for him in youth, and the closeness to God that is given to the one who stands at death’s threshold grants a special freshness to his spirit. Old age in God is humanity’s most precious inheritance, its spiritual remainder, a pure distillation. But old age is the crowning of the entirety of one’s life: as your life was, so shall your old age be. One must earn old age. People fear old age, they don’t want it, but one must love old age, must desire it as freedom in God. My youth shall be renewed like the eagle’s [Ps. 103:5 Douay-Rheims], and old age is this eternal youth of the spirit being renewed in God...” - 16 / 29.VII.1925
A fascinating glimpse into a passionate, conflicted, and ingenious mind.
April 1, 2023
Bulgakov might have been the greatest theological mind of the 20th century. Reading his three big works - The Lamb of God, The Comforter and The Bride of the Lamb - was a fascinating experience. Those books are challenging to the intellect, though also feed your soul. This one offers a window into his own soul. It is a compelling book.
Also, often Christian universalists are asked, “why be a Christian at all, if you believe all will be saved?” This book reveals the absurdity of that question as Bulgakov demonstrates a deep faith that exhibits love of God and others. Of course, I’d argue that only Christian universalism can truly lead to a love of others, but that’s another story…
Also, often Christian universalists are asked, “why be a Christian at all, if you believe all will be saved?” This book reveals the absurdity of that question as Bulgakov demonstrates a deep faith that exhibits love of God and others. Of course, I’d argue that only Christian universalism can truly lead to a love of others, but that’s another story…
October 1, 2022
I appreciated the candor of Fr. Sergius. There were numerous places in his diary that it seemed he had a very poor image of himself. However, he would later contrast the feeling of despondency over one's sinfulness vs. an honest humility before a holy God.
I actually found the last section of the book, "Remembering Fr. Sergius by Sr. Joanna Reitlinger," to shed some useful light on the person of Fr. Sergius. Especially in regard to these, as she referred to them, antinomies in his theology e.g. being sinful and yet reflecting the image of God.
I also appreciated the exhortation to live life with an awareness of its impermanence i.e. immanent death. I finished another book at the same time as this one, "Think Like a Monk" by Jay Shetty, that espoused the same perspective. Guess I shouldn't be surprised when a monk and a priest agree in their life view, but they are from two different faith traditions :-)
While I would not discourage anyone from reading this book, it would not make the top shelf in my bookcase of theological or philosophical works. In fact, I'm somewhat surprised by the comments made in praise of the book (inside it and on the back cover) by some of the scholars and theologians, particularly David Bentley Hart who encouraged readers of his blog site (I being a subscriber to it and fan of his) to read it.
I actually found the last section of the book, "Remembering Fr. Sergius by Sr. Joanna Reitlinger," to shed some useful light on the person of Fr. Sergius. Especially in regard to these, as she referred to them, antinomies in his theology e.g. being sinful and yet reflecting the image of God.
I also appreciated the exhortation to live life with an awareness of its impermanence i.e. immanent death. I finished another book at the same time as this one, "Think Like a Monk" by Jay Shetty, that espoused the same perspective. Guess I shouldn't be surprised when a monk and a priest agree in their life view, but they are from two different faith traditions :-)
While I would not discourage anyone from reading this book, it would not make the top shelf in my bookcase of theological or philosophical works. In fact, I'm somewhat surprised by the comments made in praise of the book (inside it and on the back cover) by some of the scholars and theologians, particularly David Bentley Hart who encouraged readers of his blog site (I being a subscriber to it and fan of his) to read it.
January 19, 2023
Beautiful reflections from a 20th century theologian. While one can find many issues with sophiology, it’s obvious that Fr Sergius was a genuine Christian.
Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews