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Ako sa chrániť pred toxickými ľuďmi
Cítite sa preťažení svetom okolo vás? Trápite sa s požiadavkami iných a zažívate extrémnu úzkosť alebo stres v časoch konfliktov? Vplývajú na vás emócie iných ľudí? Vitajte vo svete empatov a vysoko citlivých ľudí, ktorým je prirodzené pomáhať druhým, a tak sa stávajú ľahkým terčom narcistov a sebavedomých jednotlivcov, ktorí sa snažia využívať ľudí pre svoj vlastný prospech. Ako sa však chrániť pred takýmito nezdravými vzťahmi?
Pomocou tejto knihy objavíte cielené tipy, ako si poradiť s piatimi hlavnými typmi toxických ľudí:
• Bežný typ narušiteľov hraníc
• Pobláznenci a lapači pozornosti
• Emocionálni upíri
• Narcisti
• Sociopati a psychopati
Ak ste pripravený postaviť sa toxickým ľuďom vo svojom živote, táto kniha má všetko, čo potrebujete na to, aby sa vám to podarilo.
Pomocou tejto knihy objavíte cielené tipy, ako si poradiť s piatimi hlavnými typmi toxických ľudí:
• Bežný typ narušiteľov hraníc
• Pobláznenci a lapači pozornosti
• Emocionálni upíri
• Narcisti
• Sociopati a psychopati
Ak ste pripravený postaviť sa toxickým ľuďom vo svojom živote, táto kniha má všetko, čo potrebujete na to, aby sa vám to podarilo.
240 pages, Paperback
First published October 1, 2020
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 373 reviews
June 30, 2023
Having to deal with toxic behavior of various kinds can be frustrating, especially when it comes to hypersensitive people.
The book explores themes of toxic behavior patterns, toxic personality types, and strategies one can use to effectively tackle manipulative people and counter abusive tactics.
The author describes such toxic personality types as narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths. Such people are usually good at draining our energy and making us feel guilty and worthless.
Interestingly, "narcissist" turns out to be an acronym that is meant to help us remember the characteristics of a narcissist. Here are those characteristics:
Never admits to being wrong
Avoids emotions and accountability
Rages if anyone challenges them
Childish when they don’t get their way
Instills doubt in their victims
Stonewalls during conflicts
Smears and slanders you
In denial and gaslights you
Subjects you to the silent treatment
Triangulates you and tears you down
Acronyms can be considered highlights of this book. Let me give you just one more example.
"Often" is an acronym that reminds you of your options to exit the situation when dealing with a narcissistic person.
Observe rather than accuse
Fade out
The handy excuse
Exit and make a safety plan
Notice rather than react
Discussing different types of toxic people, the author talks about emotional vampires as a separate category that displays toxic behavior. I thought that "emotional vampire" was a metaphor reserved for individuals who constantly annoy us. Arabi explains that she applies this label to people who are capable of empathy but drain our energy with their demands.
Many of the recommendations on how to avoid being manipulated and involved in toxic relationships proposed in this book are accessible. They include setting and exercising boundaries, saying "no" and being firm, acting confidently, and keeping interactions with toxic people as brief as possible.
However, I think those pieces of advice will work best when someone has only recently entered such relationships or when it is relatively easy to end them (an option that obviously is not always available).
One of the issues I had with this book concerns the employment of the terms. Although the book focuses on highly sensitive people, it does not define clearly what high sensitivity exactly means, particularly in the given context.
It turns out that it can, in some cases, be easier for empaths to identify toxic behavior in the early stages because of their sensitivity. In other words, being sensitive and intuitive may help avoid toxic relationships.
It is worth keeping in mind that narcissistic individuals can be charming when they want to or find it handy. There can be a wide gap between their charming facade and their harmful actions.
Another thing to keep in mind is that we should treasure healthy relationships and people who make us happier and full of life.
And last but not least. Spending time with friends, taking long walks, and exploring nature can be beneficial to highly sensitive people and people with normal sensitivity alike.
The book explores themes of toxic behavior patterns, toxic personality types, and strategies one can use to effectively tackle manipulative people and counter abusive tactics.
The author describes such toxic personality types as narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths. Such people are usually good at draining our energy and making us feel guilty and worthless.
Interestingly, "narcissist" turns out to be an acronym that is meant to help us remember the characteristics of a narcissist. Here are those characteristics:
Never admits to being wrong
Avoids emotions and accountability
Rages if anyone challenges them
Childish when they don’t get their way
Instills doubt in their victims
Stonewalls during conflicts
Smears and slanders you
In denial and gaslights you
Subjects you to the silent treatment
Triangulates you and tears you down
Acronyms can be considered highlights of this book. Let me give you just one more example.
"Often" is an acronym that reminds you of your options to exit the situation when dealing with a narcissistic person.
Observe rather than accuse
Fade out
The handy excuse
Exit and make a safety plan
Notice rather than react
Discussing different types of toxic people, the author talks about emotional vampires as a separate category that displays toxic behavior. I thought that "emotional vampire" was a metaphor reserved for individuals who constantly annoy us. Arabi explains that she applies this label to people who are capable of empathy but drain our energy with their demands.
Many of the recommendations on how to avoid being manipulated and involved in toxic relationships proposed in this book are accessible. They include setting and exercising boundaries, saying "no" and being firm, acting confidently, and keeping interactions with toxic people as brief as possible.
However, I think those pieces of advice will work best when someone has only recently entered such relationships or when it is relatively easy to end them (an option that obviously is not always available).
One of the issues I had with this book concerns the employment of the terms. Although the book focuses on highly sensitive people, it does not define clearly what high sensitivity exactly means, particularly in the given context.
It turns out that it can, in some cases, be easier for empaths to identify toxic behavior in the early stages because of their sensitivity. In other words, being sensitive and intuitive may help avoid toxic relationships.
It is worth keeping in mind that narcissistic individuals can be charming when they want to or find it handy. There can be a wide gap between their charming facade and their harmful actions.
Another thing to keep in mind is that we should treasure healthy relationships and people who make us happier and full of life.
And last but not least. Spending time with friends, taking long walks, and exploring nature can be beneficial to highly sensitive people and people with normal sensitivity alike.
July 21, 2020
The author begins by describing how a highly sensitive person, or empath, can often be victimized by narcissists and manipulators. She discusses benign and malignant toxic personalities; the former includes boundary steppers, attention seekers, and emotional vampires, while the latter includes psychopaths, sociopaths, and narcissists. Practical suggestions are offered, and anyone (not just a sensitive person) who is concerned about toxic relationships could benefit from reading this book. Thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for the ARC.
July 8, 2021
This book clearly outlines common patterns in abusive relationships, provides compassionate advice for people trapped in them, and includes solid information about how to handle different manipulation tactics. However, the author's idealization of highly sensitive people concerns me. She makes a persuasive argument for why highly sensitive people are especially vulnerable to toxic relationships, but most of this book's content applies regardless of the reader's temperament, and she never acknowledges the possibility that an HSP could also be an abuser. The emphasis on temperament seems like unhealthy idealization here, and this approach can enable readers to focus on their status as victims without also recognizing toxic traits that they might have.
Also, much of the information in this book is readily available on the Internet, and the short chapters reflect common advice that people have shared on blogs and psychology websites. Although this book collects and organizes important content for people who need it, if someone is already well-read on this subject, they may not find anything particularly new here. The explanations of narcissists and people with other personality disorders are also fairly surface-level, and I'm concerned that this book may encourage readers to make inappropriate diagnoses of other people without truly understanding their psychological states.
My most minor critique is that the author regularly presents life advice in acronym format, as if anyone is going to be able to remember what her "VIBRANT" acronym even applied to, let alone what word or phrase each of the letters began. I found the emphasis on acronyms distracting, and would encourage someone to take notes if they find any element particularly striking, since the author doesn't present her content in a way that makes it mentally "sticky" and inherently memorable.
This book includes a lot of good perspectives and advice, but it does not stand out in any way. Even though it claims a special audience by focusing on people with highly sensitive temperaments, none of the content here is unique enough to elevate this above other books that address how to deal with toxic people and abusive relationships. I would not particularly recommend this unless someone is very new to the subject, or unless it just happens to be the right, most accessible thing for them at the moment.
Also, much of the information in this book is readily available on the Internet, and the short chapters reflect common advice that people have shared on blogs and psychology websites. Although this book collects and organizes important content for people who need it, if someone is already well-read on this subject, they may not find anything particularly new here. The explanations of narcissists and people with other personality disorders are also fairly surface-level, and I'm concerned that this book may encourage readers to make inappropriate diagnoses of other people without truly understanding their psychological states.
My most minor critique is that the author regularly presents life advice in acronym format, as if anyone is going to be able to remember what her "VIBRANT" acronym even applied to, let alone what word or phrase each of the letters began. I found the emphasis on acronyms distracting, and would encourage someone to take notes if they find any element particularly striking, since the author doesn't present her content in a way that makes it mentally "sticky" and inherently memorable.
This book includes a lot of good perspectives and advice, but it does not stand out in any way. Even though it claims a special audience by focusing on people with highly sensitive temperaments, none of the content here is unique enough to elevate this above other books that address how to deal with toxic people and abusive relationships. I would not particularly recommend this unless someone is very new to the subject, or unless it just happens to be the right, most accessible thing for them at the moment.
October 30, 2020
I received an advance reader copy of this book to read in exchange for an honest review via netgalley and the publishers.
The Highly sensitive persons guide to dealing with toxic people is a fantastic book to help anyone with contact or a relationship with a narcissistic person, break free and learn to deal with and resolve issues too whether this person is a coworker, partner, parent or friend.
As a person who has suffered in a toxic relationship at the hands of a narcissist, this book made me understand and look at responses and resolvements differently. I really wish I'd have had this book years ago when I was in the place I was. Luckily I realised it wasn't me it was him and upon research his traits all led to narcissistic personality disorder.
This book teaches you how to manage, deal with, respond and escape a narcissist safely and helps you to put strategies and boundaries into place.
I loved the names given to the types of toxic personalities - from Garden Variety to Malignant which is where sociopath and psychopaths come in.
This book is jam packed with easy to read and understand knowledge, helpful strategies and advise and management ideas and I urge anyone who thinks they're in a toxic relationship, is in one or has left one to read this book!
The Highly sensitive persons guide to dealing with toxic people is a fantastic book to help anyone with contact or a relationship with a narcissistic person, break free and learn to deal with and resolve issues too whether this person is a coworker, partner, parent or friend.
As a person who has suffered in a toxic relationship at the hands of a narcissist, this book made me understand and look at responses and resolvements differently. I really wish I'd have had this book years ago when I was in the place I was. Luckily I realised it wasn't me it was him and upon research his traits all led to narcissistic personality disorder.
This book teaches you how to manage, deal with, respond and escape a narcissist safely and helps you to put strategies and boundaries into place.
I loved the names given to the types of toxic personalities - from Garden Variety to Malignant which is where sociopath and psychopaths come in.
This book is jam packed with easy to read and understand knowledge, helpful strategies and advise and management ideas and I urge anyone who thinks they're in a toxic relationship, is in one or has left one to read this book!
August 16, 2020
This book is excellent and packed full of information. My only criticism is so much of the focus is on narcissists and malignant individuals, that I felt they overshadowed the HSP discussion to some extent. Having said that, if you are a sensitive person who is healing from narcissist or toxic people abuse, this book is absolutely worth the read. There may be some eye- opening information here that causes a needed shift in thinking and behaviors that will allow you to unhook from toxic people without feeling guilty or insecure about not being able to “fix” the person or the relationship. It will help you identify tactics designed to play on your empathy and the sense of insecurity you may feel when things are not harmonious. It provides a great deal of social intelligence to balance out HSPs beautifully sensitive personality traits. HSPs will find the journaling exercises helpful and thought-provoking.
March 12, 2024
Якби мені ця книжка попалася років 10 назад, навіть 5, їй би не було ціни))
Сьогодні ж я можу проводити тренінги на цю тему)))
Час від часу усіх нас бомблять токсичні люди.
І часто не відразу ми їх розпізнаємо.
Чим далі заходить спілкування, тим важче подивитися на ситуацію обʼєктивно й тим більше вжити заходів.
Найкращий і найдієвіший - в рятувальну шлюпку й геть за обрій)))
Але часто це люди, з якими доводиться вчитися співіснувати - без втрат або хоча б з мінімальними.
✔️ Коли токсична людина не може вас контролювати, вона натомість часто контролює те, як вас сприймають інші, обмовляючи вас і зводячи наклепи.
✔️ Виховувати людей чи навчати їх елементарної людської порядності - не ваша робота й не ваша відповідальність. Ви їм не мама, не тато і не терапевт.
І золоте правило - вже моє, а не з книжки - коли борешся з монстрами, головне - самому не перетворитися на монстра 😉
#451deepreading
February 4, 2021
I picked this up because I wanted to learn more about dealing with everyday toxic people, but it was more focused on relationships with a significant other—which would have been incredibly useful to me 10 years ago, but is thankfully not relevant now.
This book helped me understand that being sensitive and empathic is not a bad thing, which is what I was raised to believe. It made me realize that I’m susceptible to certain types of toxic behavior, particularly by narcissists. I wish that I’d had this context a long time ago so that I didn’t waste so much of my life putting myself down when in reality some people are just assholes.
I can’t stress how important it is to read this if you’re an HSP of any age, but particularly if you’re a recent high school grad; it will save you a lot of second-guessing and help you to trust your intuition.
See more of my reviews: Instagram
This book helped me understand that being sensitive and empathic is not a bad thing, which is what I was raised to believe. It made me realize that I’m susceptible to certain types of toxic behavior, particularly by narcissists. I wish that I’d had this context a long time ago so that I didn’t waste so much of my life putting myself down when in reality some people are just assholes.
I can’t stress how important it is to read this if you’re an HSP of any age, but particularly if you’re a recent high school grad; it will save you a lot of second-guessing and help you to trust your intuition.
See more of my reviews: Instagram
July 12, 2025
više ćeš profitirati od ove knjige ukoliko se trenutno nalaziš u toksičnoj vezi ili pokušavaš izaći iz nje, nego ako ju čitaš čisto informativno. načitala sam se mnogih self help priručnika i rekla bih da je ovaj jedan od boljih: vrlo je pregledan, sistematičan, razumljiv i strukturiran i nudi konkretne i ostvarive načine samopomoći nakon (i za vrijeme) traume zlostavljanja.
osim što se bavi podrškom žrtvama, objašnjava i kako funkcioniraju um i emocije zlostavljača-manipulatora (="gadovi") i prilazi im bez mnogo razumijevanja... oni su više kao gamad iz čijih se pokvarenih pandža treba jednom zasvagda izvući, nego osobe prema kojima bismo trebali imati uvažavanje i suosjećanje, koje bismo trebali prosvijetliti i izvesti na put razuma, pravednosti i dobrote (što je često zamka u koju upadaju same žrtve). polazi od nulte tolerancije na nasilje (emocionalno, fizičko, psihičko...) i razvija strategije oporavka i osmišljavanja kvalitetnog života, daleko od opasnosti.
sve i da imaš sreće da ti knjiga te tematike ne treba u životu, savjetujem pročitati ju jer, eto, gadovi su posvuda oko nas i velika je vjerojatnost da će te koji od njih zakačiti kad-tad pa je poželjno biti naoružan do zuba.
osim što se bavi podrškom žrtvama, objašnjava i kako funkcioniraju um i emocije zlostavljača-manipulatora (="gadovi") i prilazi im bez mnogo razumijevanja... oni su više kao gamad iz čijih se pokvarenih pandža treba jednom zasvagda izvući, nego osobe prema kojima bismo trebali imati uvažavanje i suosjećanje, koje bismo trebali prosvijetliti i izvesti na put razuma, pravednosti i dobrote (što je često zamka u koju upadaju same žrtve). polazi od nulte tolerancije na nasilje (emocionalno, fizičko, psihičko...) i razvija strategije oporavka i osmišljavanja kvalitetnog života, daleko od opasnosti.
sve i da imaš sreće da ti knjiga te tematike ne treba u životu, savjetujem pročitati ju jer, eto, gadovi su posvuda oko nas i velika je vjerojatnost da će te koji od njih zakačiti kad-tad pa je poželjno biti naoružan do zuba.
August 5, 2023
I listened to the audiobook so it was kind of hard to keep track.
Also the irony of having to put this on hold because someone decided their needs are more existent than mine had me realize professional help would probably be best.
Also the irony of having to put this on hold because someone decided their needs are more existent than mine had me realize professional help would probably be best.
September 18, 2022
B.A.N.A.L.I.T.Y. = a Barrage of Acronyms does Not Ameliorate the Lack of Innovation in this Treatise, Yawn
April 20, 2023
Talk about a healing book! ❤️🔥
June 2, 2025
Непоганий нонфік — моя оцінка: 4⭐️
Книга добре структурована, все чітко, зрозуміло, багато корисного… але — для мене особисто не було прям нової інформації. Тому й тверда четвірка.
Рекомендую саме в паперовому форматі, особливо тим, хто реально стикався або зараз знаходиться у токсичних стосунках. Там є практичні завдання, і я реально вважаю, що вони можуть допомогти. (Я не робила, але вам раджу 😅)
Прослухавши, зрозуміла: або я нецікава токсичним людям, або їх просто немає в моєму житті. І добре, чесно кажучи 😌
Книга точно допоможе структурувати в голові все, що ви вже знали або підозрювали про токсичних людей. А якщо ви ще не заглиблювались у цю тему — тут класна базова інфа, без зайвої води.
Можливо, навіть всім варто її прочитати або прослухати, щоб переконатися: "фух, у мене все ок, токсиків поруч немає" 🙂
Книга добре структурована, все чітко, зрозуміло, багато корисного… але — для мене особисто не було прям нової інформації. Тому й тверда четвірка.
Рекомендую саме в паперовому форматі, особливо тим, хто реально стикався або зараз знаходиться у токсичних стосунках. Там є практичні завдання, і я реально вважаю, що вони можуть допомогти. (Я не робила, але вам раджу 😅)
Прослухавши, зрозуміла: або я нецікава токсичним людям, або їх просто немає в моєму житті. І добре, чесно кажучи 😌
Книга точно допоможе структурувати в голові все, що ви вже знали або підозрювали про токсичних людей. А якщо ви ще не заглиблювались у цю тему — тут класна базова інфа, без зайвої води.
Можливо, навіть всім варто її прочитати або прослухати, щоб переконатися: "фух, у мене все ок, токсиків поруч немає" 🙂
September 25, 2020
“Whether it’s an overbearing coworker who constantly criticizes you or an abusive partner who belittles you daily, toxic people can take a toll on the mind, body, and spirit. More ‘benign’ manipulators may cause inconvenience, stress, annoyance, and overall dissatisfaction, and they may occasionally use silencing tactics. More ‘malignant’ manipulators, however, such as narcissists who lack empathy, pose serious harm and risk to your health, well-being, and even your life....”*
This book tackles multiple varieties of toxic people from the annoying to the deadly and provides a path forward to exiting relationships with them and managing the relationships that are unavoidable. After a discussion of the dynamics of toxic relationships, the types of toxic individuals, and their methods of manipulation, the book provides action plans, along with case studies.
The five types of toxic personality types discussed range from the benign (Garden-Variety Boundary-Steppers, Crazy-Makers/Attention-Seekers, and Emotional Vampires) to the malignant (Narcissists and Psychopaths/Sociopaths.) The author uses helpful acronyms to identify the types as well as to help remember management techniques. For example, Traits of a psychopath may include: “Pathological liar: Superficially charming: Yearns for constant stimulation: Conscienceless and callous con artist: Hides double life: Overestimates self, grandiose: Parasitic lifestyle and promiscuity: Aggressive and impulsive: Taunts and traumatizes for fun: Hides in plain sight.”*
The chapter on countering manipulation tactics defines typical toxic tools and provides management techniques. For example, when gas lighting is used, documentation and input from a trusted third party are advised. A section on journal reflection is often included, inviting the reader to dig deep and create a robust plan. I found the section on intermittent reinforcement, which creates an addiction to randomly provided rewards which creating biochemical bonds, to be particularly interesting.
The bulk of the book focuses on when to seek professional help, breaking the cycle of addiction, creating boundaries, self-care strategies, reframing skills, refuge and recovery. There is plenty of useful information and advice packed inside.
I voluntarily read and reviewed an advanced copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.
Thanks to NetGalley and New Harbinger Publications, Inc. for providing an Advance Reader Copy.
*Please note that my review is based on uncorrected text.
This book tackles multiple varieties of toxic people from the annoying to the deadly and provides a path forward to exiting relationships with them and managing the relationships that are unavoidable. After a discussion of the dynamics of toxic relationships, the types of toxic individuals, and their methods of manipulation, the book provides action plans, along with case studies.
The five types of toxic personality types discussed range from the benign (Garden-Variety Boundary-Steppers, Crazy-Makers/Attention-Seekers, and Emotional Vampires) to the malignant (Narcissists and Psychopaths/Sociopaths.) The author uses helpful acronyms to identify the types as well as to help remember management techniques. For example, Traits of a psychopath may include: “Pathological liar: Superficially charming: Yearns for constant stimulation: Conscienceless and callous con artist: Hides double life: Overestimates self, grandiose: Parasitic lifestyle and promiscuity: Aggressive and impulsive: Taunts and traumatizes for fun: Hides in plain sight.”*
The chapter on countering manipulation tactics defines typical toxic tools and provides management techniques. For example, when gas lighting is used, documentation and input from a trusted third party are advised. A section on journal reflection is often included, inviting the reader to dig deep and create a robust plan. I found the section on intermittent reinforcement, which creates an addiction to randomly provided rewards which creating biochemical bonds, to be particularly interesting.
The bulk of the book focuses on when to seek professional help, breaking the cycle of addiction, creating boundaries, self-care strategies, reframing skills, refuge and recovery. There is plenty of useful information and advice packed inside.
I voluntarily read and reviewed an advanced copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.
Thanks to NetGalley and New Harbinger Publications, Inc. for providing an Advance Reader Copy.
*Please note that my review is based on uncorrected text.
November 1, 2020
Published by New Harbinger Publications on October 1, 2020
The author, Shahida Arabi
I was a little nervous about reviewing this because I come from a long line of toxic relationships and Ive read many books and many years of therapy to try to sort a lot of it out.. Ive spent a lot of time in support groups, where we rehash things to the reliving stage. So I was a little weary of starting this. Just being honest here.
About the book, the HSP was explained well and gave a lot of examples of what traits and methods came with it. I learned a lot from the check lists, journal reflections , and exercises. These caused me to reflect on my part while having meaningful and or toxic relationships.
Overall, I found this extremely helpful and I would highly recommend it to anyone wanting to learn more about this. I'm definitely going to purchase this to reference back to my blind spots when it comes to relationships. Lots of great advice and strategies for setting healthy boundaries.
Thank you Netgalley and the Publisher for this ARC, in exchange for my honest opinion.
The author, Shahida Arabi
I was a little nervous about reviewing this because I come from a long line of toxic relationships and Ive read many books and many years of therapy to try to sort a lot of it out.. Ive spent a lot of time in support groups, where we rehash things to the reliving stage. So I was a little weary of starting this. Just being honest here.
About the book, the HSP was explained well and gave a lot of examples of what traits and methods came with it. I learned a lot from the check lists, journal reflections , and exercises. These caused me to reflect on my part while having meaningful and or toxic relationships.
Overall, I found this extremely helpful and I would highly recommend it to anyone wanting to learn more about this. I'm definitely going to purchase this to reference back to my blind spots when it comes to relationships. Lots of great advice and strategies for setting healthy boundaries.
Thank you Netgalley and the Publisher for this ARC, in exchange for my honest opinion.
May 9, 2022
This book answered so many questions I had about myself and the relationships that I have and that I've had.
For all of the questions it answered I now have just as many more questions I need answered.
For all of the questions it answered I now have just as many more questions I need answered.
June 6, 2022
Really enjoyed this book in the, “Yikes, all of this resonates so much,” kinda way.
December 6, 2022
Essential!
The Highly Sensitive Person's Guide to Dealing with Toxic People describes relationships I've been in or have dealt with, romantically involved or not. I've become the 'bad guy' in many people's lives because of walking away or setting boundaries when my instincts told me that how a person was making me feel or treating me was not okay.
Highly sensitive persons (HSPs) are in a unique position to encounter a wide variety of toxic people, because manipulators look for people with empathy, conscientiousness, and emotional responsiveness to exploit.
The book describes the behaviors of toxic people, narcissists, manipulators, sociopaths, and psychopaths. The author highlights how HSPs can use their sensitivity to listen to their instincts about these con artists rather than continually betraying your inner voice. HSPs often suffer in silence before they learn to identify what they are experiencing. This is a common side effect of gaslighting, a tactic in toxic relationships where your perception and reality are constantly questioned and invalidated.
Magnets for Toxic People (HSPs)
You may have always felt different than others. You feel more, and you experience the world more vividly and more deeply, almost as if you're encountering the world on a higher volume. All of your senses [are] on high alert. All of your emotions are magnified. A sadness is a deep sorrow, and a joy is pure ecstasy. You also care beyond reason and empathize without limits.
Overview of the Dangerous Behaviors of Narcissistic Individuals
When you are highly empathic, you try to see the best in others and "help" those you think are hurting, especially if they use a pity ploy on you—any action that invites sympathy for the purpose of manipulation—to get you to see them as the victims when they are really the perpetrators.
Abuse victims try to prevent more abuse from happening by attempting to make the relationship work, but inevitably, this only results in more pain. The book importantly covers why people stay in abusive relationships. Understanding why we stay can help us shift away from self-blame and exit relationships that harm us. As victims, we perceive any kind of affectionate action or words after enduring agonizing abuse in a more amplified manner. Even a period of no abuse can count as 'affection" in our eyes because the absence of terror is perceived as a gift to those who are accustomed to a warzone.
In the twisted world of the narcissist's distorted insults, it is always "opposite day."
Narcissists preemptively blow anything they perceive as a threat to their superiority out of proportion.
The book gives exercises and helps you mentally translate what the narcissist says into what they really mean. If they belittle your success, for example, you might translate this to, "I am jealous of what you've accomplished. It threatens my sense of superiority. I have to make you feel small to feel better about myself."
It also gives advice on other ways you can overcome projection including collecting evidence that challenges projections. Remember the feedback you've received from other empathic people. Our brains tend to hang on to negativity more than positivity—they are accustomed to look for danger to combat threats in our environment to survive. And because we react more strongly to negativity, we are more deeply affected by it as a result.
I couldn't recommend this book more to anyone who has ever been the target of a narcissistic abuser. If you have ever been a victim of a toxic relationship, whether romantic, a 'friendship,' a family member, or in the workplace, then read this NOW.
The Highly Sensitive Person's Guide to Dealing with Toxic People describes relationships I've been in or have dealt with, romantically involved or not. I've become the 'bad guy' in many people's lives because of walking away or setting boundaries when my instincts told me that how a person was making me feel or treating me was not okay.
Highly sensitive persons (HSPs) are in a unique position to encounter a wide variety of toxic people, because manipulators look for people with empathy, conscientiousness, and emotional responsiveness to exploit.
The book describes the behaviors of toxic people, narcissists, manipulators, sociopaths, and psychopaths. The author highlights how HSPs can use their sensitivity to listen to their instincts about these con artists rather than continually betraying your inner voice. HSPs often suffer in silence before they learn to identify what they are experiencing. This is a common side effect of gaslighting, a tactic in toxic relationships where your perception and reality are constantly questioned and invalidated.
Magnets for Toxic People (HSPs)
You may have always felt different than others. You feel more, and you experience the world more vividly and more deeply, almost as if you're encountering the world on a higher volume. All of your senses [are] on high alert. All of your emotions are magnified. A sadness is a deep sorrow, and a joy is pure ecstasy. You also care beyond reason and empathize without limits.
Overview of the Dangerous Behaviors of Narcissistic Individuals
When you are highly empathic, you try to see the best in others and "help" those you think are hurting, especially if they use a pity ploy on you—any action that invites sympathy for the purpose of manipulation—to get you to see them as the victims when they are really the perpetrators.
Abuse victims try to prevent more abuse from happening by attempting to make the relationship work, but inevitably, this only results in more pain. The book importantly covers why people stay in abusive relationships. Understanding why we stay can help us shift away from self-blame and exit relationships that harm us. As victims, we perceive any kind of affectionate action or words after enduring agonizing abuse in a more amplified manner. Even a period of no abuse can count as 'affection" in our eyes because the absence of terror is perceived as a gift to those who are accustomed to a warzone.
In the twisted world of the narcissist's distorted insults, it is always "opposite day."
Narcissists preemptively blow anything they perceive as a threat to their superiority out of proportion.
The book gives exercises and helps you mentally translate what the narcissist says into what they really mean. If they belittle your success, for example, you might translate this to, "I am jealous of what you've accomplished. It threatens my sense of superiority. I have to make you feel small to feel better about myself."
It also gives advice on other ways you can overcome projection including collecting evidence that challenges projections. Remember the feedback you've received from other empathic people. Our brains tend to hang on to negativity more than positivity—they are accustomed to look for danger to combat threats in our environment to survive. And because we react more strongly to negativity, we are more deeply affected by it as a result.
I couldn't recommend this book more to anyone who has ever been the target of a narcissistic abuser. If you have ever been a victim of a toxic relationship, whether romantic, a 'friendship,' a family member, or in the workplace, then read this NOW.
October 1, 2021
The Highly Sensitive Peron's Guide to Dealing with Toxic People is a well written well researched gem of a book. Packed full of caring words that can help you realize that you deserve better than toxic people throw at you as well as practical advice on how to heal and how to handle numerous situations that may occur when breaking ties with the toxic people in your life. I really needed this book and I cannot recommend it enough. So many of us try to push through a life filled with one or sometimes several toxic people that hinder our happiness and growth. It's time to put an end to that so please read it and spread it around to everyone you know so we can all begin reclaiming the lives we deserve to live!
May 3, 2025
This was an unnecessary read
July 26, 2021
I struggle to know precisely how to rate this book. I see how it could be very helpful for someone who is just starting to look into the question of how to deal with toxic people. I found that it offered a helpful overview of some of the key issues that come up in toxic relationships, and I appreciated being able to put a term to the behaviours that I have seen crop up in toxic relationships in my own life. I also found that the suggested solutions were premised on key foundational principles, like recognizing your inability to - and the futility of trying to - change and reform the behaviours of toxic individuals in your life. These are not always intuitive ideas, and so it was encouraging to see them articulated so clearly and frequently throughout the book.
That said, I found the book as a whole to be very broad and not particularly in depth. While the language was very clear and easy to understand, there was a great deal of repetition. The book certainly follows the format of a guide, which will likely make it very practical for those wanting to implement the ideas and solutions proposed in the book. I think I was just expecting more detail and depth, which, to be fair, I suspect I could find by reviewing some of the research papers referenced in the book. In short, while I see how it could be a very helpful book for many people, I did not personally find it particularly helpful for me.
That said, I found the book as a whole to be very broad and not particularly in depth. While the language was very clear and easy to understand, there was a great deal of repetition. The book certainly follows the format of a guide, which will likely make it very practical for those wanting to implement the ideas and solutions proposed in the book. I think I was just expecting more detail and depth, which, to be fair, I suspect I could find by reviewing some of the research papers referenced in the book. In short, while I see how it could be a very helpful book for many people, I did not personally find it particularly helpful for me.
November 9, 2023
3.5 stars
There was a lot I appreciated about this book, particularly the chapters towards the end that gave some very clear ways to identify narcissists and how to exit relationships before you get to far into them. But in general I felt a little overwhelmed by all of the acronyms and explanations.
I was also very shocked by the first couple of chapters, in which the author shares several stories of narcissists leading double lives and murdering their wives to the shock of everyone they knew. As a highly sensitive person (as are many people who read this book I assume), I found the stories very unnerving and I was unable to even read this book at night because it heightened my anxiety. I think some of the details could have been diluted for the sake of the HSPs reading the book.
Read this review on Substack: https://momsmusings.substack.com/i/13...
There was a lot I appreciated about this book, particularly the chapters towards the end that gave some very clear ways to identify narcissists and how to exit relationships before you get to far into them. But in general I felt a little overwhelmed by all of the acronyms and explanations.
I was also very shocked by the first couple of chapters, in which the author shares several stories of narcissists leading double lives and murdering their wives to the shock of everyone they knew. As a highly sensitive person (as are many people who read this book I assume), I found the stories very unnerving and I was unable to even read this book at night because it heightened my anxiety. I think some of the details could have been diluted for the sake of the HSPs reading the book.
Read this review on Substack: https://momsmusings.substack.com/i/13...
August 12, 2021
The book itself is only 77% of its length.Most of the information in this book you can probably find on the internet.The author also tells you to get rid of toxic people in your life (including family members) both in person and on social media.But you can't stop people creating fake profiles to stalk you.If the toxic person is a family member you can't just blank them completely as you still see them at family occasions.
May 14, 2022
Didn't really teach me anything new.
DNF
Blog: http://literaturesandmovies.com
March 22, 2025
First, the narrator was good.
The book was sort of good for a person like me who hasn’t studied formal courses in psychology.
The two big problems with this book is it is way too short and, even though it explains conditions, there are so many and the author doesn’t explain many situations using stories, characters and examples from real lives for the very much more harmful types of people.
What I am meaning, for example, use real human stories to explain narcisistic behaviour of college boyfriends towards their girlfriends.
Women can supposedly be manipulators against male empaths. Wow, I am so curious, tell me what happens in such relationships. Sadly no.
I know toxic sociopathic people, but not in many of their real-life behaviours in many situations, let alone the different types of toxic people or tactics they could try, and this book is great, but it doesn’t take wider angles or give you ammunition to try be on your guard to try identify much trickier or more deceptive or difficult people or cases. Use real human stories and then try teach how we can use analytical tools and thinking not to be trapped by these people. That is why book too short. Please very interesting book, explain more everyday situations and case studies to help people and give people more ideas and tools to calculate how to evaluate and free themselves in average life.
Sadly no. This book is maybe more dry academic?
But that doesn’t mean it isn’t a really good read.
I would like to, and I have too little trust in my skills to not make mistakes here, but I want to read more books on such people and try find a, or some, really comprehensive and best ones.
But this is a worthwhile read.
Now our song.
https://youtu.be/9g_FeC66lfk?si=fsNup...
The book was sort of good for a person like me who hasn’t studied formal courses in psychology.
The two big problems with this book is it is way too short and, even though it explains conditions, there are so many and the author doesn’t explain many situations using stories, characters and examples from real lives for the very much more harmful types of people.
What I am meaning, for example, use real human stories to explain narcisistic behaviour of college boyfriends towards their girlfriends.
Women can supposedly be manipulators against male empaths. Wow, I am so curious, tell me what happens in such relationships. Sadly no.
I know toxic sociopathic people, but not in many of their real-life behaviours in many situations, let alone the different types of toxic people or tactics they could try, and this book is great, but it doesn’t take wider angles or give you ammunition to try be on your guard to try identify much trickier or more deceptive or difficult people or cases. Use real human stories and then try teach how we can use analytical tools and thinking not to be trapped by these people. That is why book too short. Please very interesting book, explain more everyday situations and case studies to help people and give people more ideas and tools to calculate how to evaluate and free themselves in average life.
Sadly no. This book is maybe more dry academic?
But that doesn’t mean it isn’t a really good read.
I would like to, and I have too little trust in my skills to not make mistakes here, but I want to read more books on such people and try find a, or some, really comprehensive and best ones.
But this is a worthwhile read.
Now our song.
https://youtu.be/9g_FeC66lfk?si=fsNup...
September 8, 2025
Not much new here if you’ve read other blogs or books on the topic. Still would be helpful to someone as a first intro maybe. I’m not sure yet whether or not the HSP fits me as a label, and the acronyms she makes up to help you remember different techniques would be helpful if they were all in a PDF somewhere, but I was listening on audio, so… oh, well.
August 31, 2024
Very informative, this was an eye opener.
Contains lots of acronyms, I love a good acronym, but there is just too many to remember.
Contains lots of acronyms, I love a good acronym, but there is just too many to remember.
March 31, 2025
Lots of food for thought.
September 12, 2025
If you must deal with a profoundly toxic person such a parent, a boss, an in-law or some other pivotal person you cannot completely walk away from, this book is an oasis.
Like other books of this ilk, there’s an overview of personality disorders because one must first understand what’s wrong before creating a plan of action. But this author also explains the dysfunctional tactics they use that are so exhausting to deal with - triangulation, smear campaigns, manipulation, projection, etc., - and how to respond effectively and protect yourself. The suggestions are specific and comprehensive. Additional healing modalities are listed to overcome the nightmare of dealing with someone incapable of introspection and empathy.
Like other books of this ilk, there’s an overview of personality disorders because one must first understand what’s wrong before creating a plan of action. But this author also explains the dysfunctional tactics they use that are so exhausting to deal with - triangulation, smear campaigns, manipulation, projection, etc., - and how to respond effectively and protect yourself. The suggestions are specific and comprehensive. Additional healing modalities are listed to overcome the nightmare of dealing with someone incapable of introspection and empathy.
June 11, 2023
This was a great read! Totally recommended.
August 25, 2020
This was incredibly insightful in examining the various behaviors of narcissists (both "garden variety" and malicious/sociopaths/psychopaths) and identifying ways to either react or disengage, depending on the person and the situation. I appreciated how the information was specifically tuned for highly sensitive people (or "empaths"), since I often feel that I am this way. The end of the book was dedicated to self-care ideas and techniques, which was a positive, helpful way to close the book.
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