Content Warnings: physical, sexual, and emotional/verbal abuse of a child/teen (the physical and sexual abuse happen off page and mentioned in the book), religious trauma and being pressured to forgive an abuser (which you NEVER have to do if you don’t want to!)
CAUTION: THERE ARE SOME SPOILERS TOWARDS THE END OF THIS REVIEW.
There is so much that I loved about this book. First off, let me say this is a very character driven book, so if you’re more of a plot-driven person, this might not work for you… though maybe it will. 🤷🏽♀️
I am typically a very plot-driven person and most character-driven stories don’t work for me, unless I really connect with the characters and care about their lives. This was that book for me. I cared about and loved several characters in this story and there are some characters that I really hated (which is a good thing—whether positive or negative, strong emotions for characters or the story is important). While plot-wise, not much happens in the book, it’s more about Eleanor’s internal struggles and her relationships with others, the characters themselves were compelling enough for me to want to keep turning the pages and find out more.
Mia was by far, my favorite character in the book. I knew from the beginning when we met Mia that there would be something between her and Eleanor, but I did not expect to get a love triangle in here with Virgil as well. Normally, I don’t like the love triangle trope, it very rarely works for me, however when it’s different and something I haven’t read before I can end up loving it.
While in the book, Eleanor is still figuring out who she is and discovering her sexuality, so it doesn’t explicitly say whether she’s gay or bi/pan I loved that we get to see a love triangle with both a male and female love interest. This is something I’ve actually been wanting to see in books that have love triangles as a trope (and it’s also something I’ve been writing in my own current WIP as well). I also love that the relationships/romance in here wasn’t full of angst like most YA novels are and they were more of a slow burn that started as friends and grew into more rather than the insta-love that plagues a lot of YA books. Again, this won’t work for everyone, but that’s definitely the kind of stories I love and write myself.
So speaking of love triangles, Team Virgil or Team Mia? I love Virgil as well and he’s really nice and sweet and a “great guy” as Mia often says, but Mia is my girl! I literally wrote that down on page 265—which I loved her way before that point—but when she says, “too many people in this country use Jesus to treat people like shit. That sucks. I’d like it so much better if everyone was atheist,” I highlighted that quote and wrote next to it, “Mia is my girl! Is she based on a real person? Cause I want to know her!” I really need a Mia in my life. I think we all do. So definitely team Mia all the way! 😂
As for Eleanor’s family. I loved her brother Josh and I loved their relationship and how protective of him Eleanor was. For most of the book, I couldn’t stand her parents and I don’t blame Eleanor one bit for feeling how she did about her dad. I actually connected with her on that cause I’ve been there myself and know the feeling. However, one thing I did like about her parents towards the end is they were becoming more aware of their mistakes and the harm they’ve done and were trying to change and be better parents. It would be interesting if one day, we got a side story from her parents POV and got to see what made them start to change. With her mom, I’m thinking it’s the fight they got into, but her dad started changing first, but we don’t know what exactly triggered it and it would be nice to find out.
As for Creep (the manifestations of Eleanor’s trauma), in the beginning, I thought he was annoying, but he had his funny moments as well. At first, I kind of thought of him as like another sibling—the annoying little brother that’s always bugging you, but has their good moments as well. My favorite part of his was when he rewrote the lyrics for the “Jesus loves me” song. That was hilarious and I liked his rewrite, I couldn’t stop laughing at that part. Also, some of his commentary in the beginning when they’re going to their new church for the first time was funny as well. However, as the story went on, Creep became less of an annoying sibling with funny moments and more of an abusive asshole.
One thing I loved about this book was the positive depiction of mental health therapy (especially since I used to be a counselor) and the emphasis on allowing abuse survivors to open up in their own time and not pushing them to talk about things before they’re ready. That’s so important when working with trauma survivors. I loved getting to see the journey Eleanor goes on to start to heal from her trauma.
Now onto my only slight disappointment with the story—which turned out to be a temporary disappointing moment—the ending. I wanted more from the ending. I know the ending is very realistic in terms of real life, we’re not always going to get the answers we want, we won’t always find closure. Some things will be left open for us to wonder about, but I’ve always been and still am the type of person that doesn’t like open, ambiguous endings. I don’t want to make up my own ending for the characters, if I did, I’d write the story myself. I don’t need every single question answered or wrapped up in a bow, but for the big questions, I’d just like to know what happens. What did Eleanor’s parents do when they found out about the abuse? What was their reaction and what happened to Ian? I especially wanted to know what would happen to Ian. Because we don’t get these answers, I was originally going to rate this 4.5 stars, BUT I found out that there will be a sequel and this is going to be a series, so that excitement got me to bump it back up to 5 stars. I really hope we get some of these answers in the sequels and I can’t wait to read it! 😁