Raised by Wolves

by Jess Ho

Growing up Cantonese in the racist outer suburbs was hard enough for Jess Ho, but add in a dysfunctional family who only made peace over food, and it was clear that a normal life was never on the menu. Jess emerged from childhood with a major psychological complex and a kick-arse palate, traits that would help them fit right in to the messy world of Melbourne’s food scene.

In hospitality, Jess found a new family of outsiders who shared their lust for life and appetite for destruction. As the Australian food scene exploded, fuelled by the kinds of ‘exotic’ foods Jess had grown up on, they became one of the most influential voices in Australia’s bar and restaurant scene. But the industry Jess loved had its own dysfunctions: greed, ego, sexual harassment, exploitation and a never-ending fetishisation of Asian food culture. And Jess wasn’t one to hold their tongue.

Raised by Wolves is a fierce, funny and razor-sharp coming of age story from a savage new voice.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Biography, Audiobook, Australia, Race, Food

Paperback

First published July 12, 2022

About the author

Jess Ho is a freelance writer, journalist and critic. They were previously the food and drink editor of Time Out Melbourne. They have also been published in Gourmet Traveller, Eater, The Guardian, The Age Spectrum,the Financial Review, Good Weekend, frankie and The Big Issue, among many others, as well as a number of cookbooks and guides on Melbourne. They are the host and producer of the SBS podcast Bad Taste. Their first book, Raised by Wolves, was published in 2022.

Reviews

[Jess Lomas · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this memoir uneven, it was incredibly strong when Jess wrote about their family, coming of age moments, and in particular the final chapter about their friend Mike, but the chapters that delved into detail about restaurant work and drinking culture gave me a 'you had to be there' feeling and I found some of the dialogue a bit clunky. Overall a powerful story, engaging, well written and thought provoking.

[Kiv · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found it difficult to understand what motivated Jess to write this memoir. They don't seem to be someone who likes to share much of themselves (fair enough but why write a memoir), they haven't named names (for fear of being sued - no idea who they were talking about) and there doesn't appear to be a lot of self-reflection. It is mostly a description of a life of working in hospitality interspersed with judgement heaped upon those with different food preferences to them. There was one poignant section about the death of a close friend giving a glimpse of something personal, but otherwise they comes across as self-contained and abrasive. Maybe you'd like this if you live in Melbourne and are heavily interested in the food scene?

[Sam C · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5. powerful, honest story about melbourne’s hospitality industry + a side of trauma, but writing and dialogue felt clunky.

was a bit too honest when she went on a pick me, woman hating rant just about makeup 🤢

[Danny Chen · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a writer, Jess Ho is brutally honestly and direct - what they lack in elegance or sophistication in prose (say compared to a professional author), they more than make up for with an ability to entice the reader with visceral retellings of their growth from a naive, budding hospitality worker to a seasoned veteran of the industry with a deep-seated and unshakeable sense of disillusionment. As someone of Taiwanese descent, I share some similar sentiments on the cultural destruction of foods in the name of 'Asian' fusion or whitewashing - namely, the neglect of complex cultures and histories and the bastardisation of generational family recipes to appease the Western palate.

Much of the memoir is Jess airing out their grievances about a myriad of issues - family, food, friendship, the toxicity of the hospitality industry and society as a whole. At certain moments I find the writing grating, abrasive and less palateable (although I'm sure this is part of the author's intent, and simply how they are as a person). However, for me Jess is at their best, their most beautiful and devastatingly powerful when writing about the positive and fulfilling connections (and subsequent tragedy) in their life - in particular, Mike. There is a genuine, tangible depth of love and emotion expressed in their companionship (and beyond) for me that truly distinguishes itself from the rest of the memoir. Despite all the suffering and hardship Jess has experienced, all their misgivings and deservedly jaded view towards the world, the moments of tenderness and inimitable connection shared with another are what truly elevate this memoir to something I deeply empathised and connected with.

I couldn't say that we nursed each other out of addictions. I couldn't say that we argued like siblings and would only hold ceasefires to laugh at other peoples' misfortunes. I couldn't say that I can't enjoy the rain without him. I couldn't say that I can't have a single thought without telling him about it. I couldn't say that I was completely lost without him. Most of all, I couldn't say that I understand why he chose to leave.

The conclusion is one filled with mixed emotions - nostalgia, a sense of peace, and one that brings closure - through all the vicissitudes of their life, food is the constant above it all - and I am glad it is what brings Jess comfort, familiarity, and finally to feel a sense of home and belonging.

[Giovanna Walker · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very open and honest memoir. I wasn't familiar with Ho & their work beforehand. They pack punches, and is searingly honest. They certainly provide a very interesting insight into the hospo industry here in Melbourne and the zeitgeist that surrounds it. The 'instagrammable' moments, the xenophobia, sexism - you name it, it's human behaviour at its worst, but also it's best. I am glad they found their 'tribe', we all need that, and unlike what society 'expects' that doesn't have to be our nearest & dearest. And that you don't have to 'fit in' to that mould to find your tribe is a good message for all of us.
I was bemused by another reviewer saying 'too much about hospo eat repeat etc'. Hello? She worked in the industry, what do you expect?

[Christie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Smart, cynical people make excellent storytellers, and this is a book that is made to be inhaled like a knock of drink after a Saturday night service.

I always love reading about my home town & industry, seeing if it looks any different through the eyes of another & I loved seeing Melbourne though Jess’s eyes. Part love letter, part cautionary tale, this book (like it’s author), is many things & it’s certainly hard to put down.

Jess, thanks for sharing more than you planned.

[Helen · Rating 4 out of 5]

So many shared experiences here, and so much intel on what really went on behind the TV Show That Shall Not Be Named. Thank you Jess for sharing your trauma with such sardonic humour and ongoing resilience.

[Elena Rabin · Rating 5 out of 5]

unputdownable - for lack of a better word. i cried, laughed, and my stomach growled.

[Chee Chee · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. Reading this book was like seeing all my family eating traditions brought to life in words. It was wonderful! I also enjoyed the author’s unique perspective on the food and drink scene in my home town. I only wish there was a bit more of their childhood experiences in the book (although I can see that is not an easy thing to do).

[Sophia · Rating 2 out of 5]

About their (her) life with family, especially mother, experience in hospitality industry and herself.
I do not enjoy her style of writing and the storyline was personal but mostly general so it did not engage me.
I read about 1/3 and flipped through the rest.

[Christine Yunn-Yu Sun · Rating 5 out of 5]

The subtitle of Jess Ho’s Raised by Wolves is “a memoir with bite”. Whoever chose the phrase is a genius, as it perfectly reflects the author’s writing style – honest, forthright, occasionally cynical, very funny, highly empathetic, and absolutely fierce.

To feel the impact of the sassy writing full-on, it is best to read it without any pre-research of the author’s background. Neither should you be alienated by the blurb on the back cover, which begins with “growing up Cantonese in the racist outer suburbs”. Truth be told, the book is nothing like your stereotypical “diverse” writing.

Ho has been working in hospitality since the age of `15., and is presently “one of the most influential voices in Australia’s bar and restaurant scene”. We soon learn the “scene” in Melbourne is far from what is promoted as our “food culture”, epitomised by popular cooking shows and glamorous chefs and restauranteurs.

Instead, Ho shows us the hospitality industry is full of greed, ego, sexual harassment, exploitation, and a never-ending fetishisation of anything and everything “exotic”, including foods, fashions and females. Many of our diners and drinkers are abusive and predatory, as they believe those paying are entitled to treating others like slaves.

Worse, our food culture is characterised by idolising trendy brands and big names, diluting other cuisines by “elevating” and “reinventing” them to suit our poorly informed palates, turning “authenticity” into “appropriation” while assuming “experience” means “entertainment”, and priding ourselves on “censoring parts of someone else’s culture and selling the easily digestible bits to a rich, white audience”.

In Ho’s words: “I should have known. My parents didn’t teach me much, but they taught me how to eat. The number-one rule of going to a restaurant serving ethnic food is that the majority of people eating in the restaurant have to be from the cuisine’s cultural background.” Indeed, if you want authentic and quality food, just observe whether your fellow eaters truly appreciate the cooking and serving staff.

All this is conveyed through charm and humour, as first-hand insight from someone who has done the hard work inside and out, every step of the way. Each cautionary tale is built upon shared triumph and frustration among front- and back-of-the-house workers. Behind each smile and display of sophisticated knowledge and skills is an accumulation of years of trial and error through tears and sweat.

And the public prestige is interwoven with private pain, as Ho details how family can make or break you, how the loss of a beloved friend can shatter your heart, and how the right food prepared and presented in the right way can make you feel right at home. In the author’s words:

“I don’t need flashy service in architectural rooms, a view, or carefully curated playlists. I don’t need perfectly temperature-controlled spaces, open kitchens, or toilets with designer soaps. I don’t need a reinvention, reinterpretation, refining or deconstruction of a dish that is perfect enough as it is. I just want some really f*cking good food.”

Note: This book review was published under the title “A memoir with bite” by Ranges Traders Star Mail, July 25, 2023, P.14.

[Jackie McMillan · Rating 2 out of 5]

(2.5 stars)
"I don’t need a reinvention, reinterpretation, refining or deconstruction of a dish that is perfect enough as it is." On this Jess Ho and I concur: I just ate a terrible deconstructed baklava that made me pine for a sticky slice of the original. Like Jess, I'm also food-focused in terms of being more than willing to eat in less salubrious places if the food is good: "I don’t need the smoke and mirrors. In fact, I don’t want them. I don’t need flashy service in architectural rooms, a view, or carefully curated playlists." However I don't think we need to write off fine diners where service is an art-form, architecture is beautiful, and dishes are innovative and well-considered. There's a place for both, so I found the book unnecessarily oppositional.

Mostly Jess Ho feels like she is trying desperately to be Kitchen Confidential: Adventures in the Culinary Underbelly but lacks Antony Bourdain's charm. This is something she recognises in herself I suppose: "I lacked the empathy required to keep an animal alive and I didn’t have the emotional range to make meaningful relationships with other people." However it's hard to read someone who doesn't connect with others. For example, in advice she gives to future restaurateurs: "I also told them that if their dream was to quit their job and open a cafe, they should find a new dream because it would be more efficient to withdraw their life savings in cash, put it in a barrel and light it on fire."

All the nuts and bolts of a commercial cooking memoir are there: the drugs, the effects of shift work and constant late nights, the struggles with mental health and suicide, the masculine culture of commercial kitchens: "An unfortunate side-effect of working in hospitality for so long is being friends with people who don’t know how to stop drinking and taking drugs like they’re still twenty." However for me, the writing, self-reflection and analysis in this book lags behind forerunners in the genre who wrote it first and better, so I found myself only tolerating it in small doses.

[Peter Stuart · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hospo. Melbourne, Australia.

The years on the edge of the arrival of Netflix, Airbnb, social media as we know it now. From the authors legal age of working we are allowed into, shown elements, of the journey through the hospitality industry in Melbourne.

Hospo, those who manage, run and work in the side of Melbourne many of us who live here cherish, are grateful for and see as a huge asset to our town. Yet, what do we know, understand or are conscious of, of those who work or have careers in it?

Anthony Bourdain wrote a poignant autobiographical account of the New York food industry - Kitchen Confidential Kitchen Confidential: Adventures in the Culinary Underbelly, first published in the year 2000. It seems from our author’s experiences, many of the exploitational and unsavory aspects of the industry remain alive and unfortunately well in Melbourne of the 2010's and today.

To the author (who will in all very, very likelihood never read my words), Thank You for sharing with us, your readers, a part of You. The story of your upbringing, of the challenges shared that you had/have and your openness and honesty are really appreciated. Thank You

Everyone is looking for something. Everyone seeks. Everyone does it in their own way. The author gives the overall impression that their journey continues, but that Jess is now on a more self-determined and conscious path. This reader wishes you continued success with your journey.

4.5 stars.

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

if every memoir could be written with Jess’ brutal honesty, openness, and non-people pleasingness, there would be better memoirs out there!

bloody loved this book, it was an absolute page turner which caught me by surprise. if you are interested in the Australian hospitality industry (in particular problematic restaurants that advertise as cool Asian neon sign fun feed me menu vibes but only show white faces front of house e.g. Golden Boy in Adelaide :))))) / feminism/ mental health in Australia, grief, life, absolutely anything and everything, please read this!! I genuinely think it is an important read for all Australians.

my favourite quotes:
‘this was coming from a woman who told me if I quit the piano at 10 years old, I would become a prostitute’

‘I grew up not understanding when my body was telling me something was wrong, to the point where what was wrong felt normal’

‘There are only two acceptable body shapes for Asians: skinny-fat and fat. Skinny-fat is the untoned size zero that Chinese people consider ‘hot’, and being fat means you’re rich because you can afford to eat that much and not give a shit. I was too far to be skinny-fat and not fat enough to be rich-fat. I was also not rich, so I couldn’t let myself get fat. What was worse, I was putting on muscle. In Asian circles, that meant I was too masculine for my sex.’

[lyny · Rating 4 out of 5]

Jess Ho is an angry Chinese Australian, prone to depression, lesbian, and one who has been somewhat successful in the hospitality industry and also as writer about that and this is their memoir. In some ways the story they tell feels like one that would have had more impact a decade or so ago – by now we have had numerous first person and fictional accounts of the difficulties of being a young Asian Australian dealing with formidable dominating parents; and much valorizing of cheap and authentic ethnic restaurants as compared with the flashier big name and more expensive ones. So in parts I found this slightly boring – stories I felt I had read often before. But what lifts this is the real bitterness and no holding back of the criticism of everyone, especially the people who will be reading the book. And then the shock of her friend’s suicide, which I did not see coming. Ho brings home the realities of working in hospitality and the alcoholism and exhaustion and depression it generates in a way that makes Bourdain’s boyo accounts seem overly glamourized.

[Minh · Rating 4 out of 5]

Experimenting with audio books this year and this was my second! I'm enjoying the new medium for auto biographies, somehow lets me focus in a little more.

Brutally straightforward and honest in her memoir, Raised by Wolves is an often uncomfortable memoir of growing up in the 90s in Australia as a child of immigrant parents. Ho tells a series of interconnected stories, of their upbringing, working in hospitality and the lessons it teaches.

Sometimes I felt so in tune with what Ho was writing about and others like I was treading foreign territory. Food writing is where they shone most for me and the short snippets diving into the delights of Korean, vietnamese, cantonese and all varieties of food suddenly made me homesick for Australia and the sheer depths of its food.

[Anastasya Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

How do you review someone's life, especially one full of so much hurt and trauma?

As a written piece, it's amazing. Crushing. A journey and then some. Would read anything this author writes. Inhaled it in two days, and only because I needed to sleep in between.

Pros: No fluff. To the point. Crystal clear writing. Honest and cynical. I've never read anything that covers the racism, sexism and patriarchy of the culinary arts and general hospitality industry. It made me appreciate "other" foods so much more and finally receive affirmation that the trendy or reimagined foods aren't all that.

Cons: Found a single spelling error? Wasn't long enough? The painful parts hurt?

TW: suicide, DV, self-harm, sexual assault, racism, misogyny,

[Meg · Rating 4 out of 5]

I bought this after reading an interview with Jess Ho in the Financial Review. The book was written in a more personal style than I expected, and was in fact nothing like what I expected. Even at the end, I still didn’t feel that I knew much more about Jess Ho than before I started. (I had never seen the non-mentioned TV reality cooking show.) I would not recommend this book to anyone because of the language, but I would be ok with someone wanting to read it. The writing is also not so polished. Nevertheless, I’m not sorry that I read it (And paid for it).

[Amy Isham · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you want a side of trauma with your food and alcohol descriptions you need this book. I didn’t know Jess Ho as a name except through a friend but enjoyed this memoir, turns out Jess has been all over Melbourne food in restaurants, tv and Melbourne food reviews for years.I love Melbourne, i love food and I’m also interested in trauma and the way it shapes us. This book will make you feel, sadness, empathy, hunger - for both food and connection. I’m not Asian but Scottish people know the same ‘food as love’ formation. I really want snow crab now, or a hot spicy soup.

[Judith · Rating 4 out of 5]

Unbelievably direct and honest unpacking of the hospital industry in Melbourne. Jess spares nothing and no one in this autobiography. What is also clear is they have enormous strength and love and that they are a survivor. A brutal childhood means that independence comes ridiculously early. Their life is never short on achievements but they are also both hard won and tragic. I loved the insight it provided but I’m tremendously sad about the pain working in the industry caused

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a bombshell - a deep dive into the struggles of the hospitality industry, Australia's relationship with food, racism, misogyny and mental health. Jess' voice is rings clearly, sometimes in anger, sarcasm or grief, but always with a clear, no-holds-bared honesty. Such a worthwhile and eye-opening book.

[Barbara Burstall · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved it on so many levels. Definitely a “memoir with bite” as described by the subtitle. It is both hilarious and scary, both her Chinese childhood with her insane violent mother and her description of working in hospitality in various roles and restaurants until she eventually has an office on. Fascinating and insightful memoir.

[Alice · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this book. It made me cackle every few pages I enjoyed the story arc of this memoir and the many many ideas about racism, surviving childhood abuse and hospo in Melbourne. Well written like a better Aussie version of kitchen confidential. Thanks for telling me what a bartenders handshake is…explains why in mid2010s every share house suddenly had a bottle.

[Kat · Rating 5 out of 5]

Must read for any food lovers and ex or current hospo workers - Jess reveals so much about the industry and I loved reading about her upbringing in a strict Cantonese household. A few parts brought on a few tears which I did not expect. Her writing style is direct yet eloquent (especially when describing food!) and I laughed out loud more than a few times!.

[Erin · Rating 4 out of 5]

A fierce, take no prisoners, pack all the punches peek into hospo life in Melbourne.

Inhaled this in a day and found myself remembering fondly (and not so fondly) the hard times, the even harder times and the special family of misfits I chose during my time in service.

Raw and true. A heavy delight.

[Tasha · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was completely along for the ride. The anger, depression, abuse, the joy, the grief, contentment.

Beautifully written. With so much permission granted to being your full human self. Absolutely loved every word on every page.

Thank you for sharing your life, your world, your vulnerabilities, your success with us.

[Emma · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely loved this page turner charting the highs of lows of the Melbourne hospitality scene, through the eyes of the sharp, hilarious & touching Ho. A rollicking read with many poignant moments. Get it!

[Christine · Rating 5 out of 5]

4 1/2 stars round up. This was a book club read that I never would have picked up otherwise. I’m not a foodie, but Jess Ho is a talented writer. This was an entertaining and moving memoir. I was totally in their corner.

[Zara · Rating 3 out of 5]

Told in a raw and direct way (swearily authentic to the hospitality workplaces where it's set), this memoir made me reflect on what, where and how I eat, outside of my home. It was also a testament to a special bond between the author and their friend Mike.

[Katherine Cummings · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredible memoir that does not pull punches much like I'd imagine the author would in real life. I could have kept reading more and more stories. Jess has incredible writing skills and they know how to write an ending.

Refreshing feminist take of the food industry, I'd highly recommend.