Wanting: Women Writing About Desire

by Margot Kahn (Editor), Kelly McMasters (Editor)

An intimate and empowering anthology of essays that explore the changing face of female desire in whip-smart, sensuous prose, with pieces by Tara Conklin, Camille Dungy, Melissa Febos, Lisa Taddeo, and others

What is desire? And what are its rules? In this daring collection, award-winning and emerging female writers share their innermost longings, in turn dismantling both personal and political constructs of what desire is or can be.

In the opening essay, Larissa Pham unearths the ache beneath all her wants: time. Rena Priest’s desire for a pair of five-hundred-dollar cowboy boots spurs a reckoning with her childhood on the rez and the fraught history of her hometown. Other pieces in the collection turn cultural tropes around dating, sex, and romance on their heads—Angela Cardinale tries dating as a divorced mother of two in the California suburbs only to discover sweet solace in being alone; Keyanah B. Nurse finds power in polyamory; and when Joanna Rakoff spots a former lover at a bar, the heat between them unravels her family as she is pulled into his orbit—an undoing, she decides, that’s worth everything.

Including pieces by Tara Conklin, Torrey Peters, Camille Dungy, Melissa Febos, Lisa Taddeo, and so many others, these candid and insightful essays tackle the complicated knot of women’s desire.

Featuring essays by Elisa Albert, Kristen Arnett, Molly McCully Brown, Angela Cardinale, Tara Conklin, Sonia Maria David, Jennifer De Leon, Camille T. Dungy, Melissa Febos, Amber Flame, Amy Gall, Aracelis Girmay, Sonora Jha, Nicole Hardy, Laura Joyce-Hubbard, TaraShea Nesbit, Keyanah B. Nurse, Torrey Peters, Amanda Petrusich, Larissa Pham, Rena Priest, Joanna Rakoff, Karen Russell, Domenica Ruta, Susan Shapiro, Terese Svoboda, Lisa Taddeo, Ann Tashi Slater, Abigail Thomas, Merritt Tierce, Michelle Wildgen, Jane Wong, and Teresa Wong

Genres: Essays, Nonfiction, Feminism, Queer, Sexuality, Memoir, Psychology

352 pages, Paperback

First published February 14, 2023

Reviews

[Char · Rating 5 out of 5]

After each essay in this collection I ended each with the thought: "I love women."

Simply put: all women are exceedingly intelligent. I am so at awe of the talent these authors held in reclaiming strength in the most tumultuous state of vulnerability a woman can be in: yearning. The topic of desire is seen as taboo, dirty, embarrassing, easily written off as the tie to sexuality and thus synonymous to shame. That connotative misunderstanding was touched upon in ways of intersectionality and privilege that certainly opened my eyes.

This collection is formatted as several back to back essays (and one lovely comic) from women of diverse identities, of different bodies and minds and senses. Yet all tied through the tangled rope that is unadulterated wanting. Touched upon were themes of food, addiction, sex, SA (unfortunately, seeing that so many of the authors experienced SA made me feel so hopeless of the world but it was with very beautiful writing), relationships, pleasure, family. As a reader I felt as if I was a trusted confidante. Such intimacy between pen and paper is so powerful. I was as humbled as I was empowered.

There's too many essays in this book to fully encompass in a review. I must just say that I really loved it. It was an unadulterated want to consume every single sentence, to feel, to laugh, to hurt with each woman's words. It was emotional liberation.

I do hope to add this book to my personal collection. The cover just leaves something to be desired. (Whoa.)

There are a multitude of quotable lines in this collection that I wish I could more easily share! For now here are a few.

"How are you?" I asked, with a shrug. His full mouth grew slack with pain.
"I'm not good, Jo," he said. "I can live without you. But I can't be happy without you." - Joanna Rakoff

Joanna Rakoff's essay was about a lover who she loved so intensely that she couldn't function in doing anything else but love him, so she had to cut him off. They then miraculously bumped into each other in a club after ten years. It was pretty crazy.

"These women are not victims. ... They are agents of their own passion. Sometimes they fall on the sword of that passion, but where there is deep passion, there is a profundity of pain, at least across the many hundreds of people whom i spoke." - Lisa Taddeo

"Ugh, so annoying, that reflexive, automatic want! Fuck off! I wanted to stamp it out, extinguish it. It caused me nothing but pain. Enough! No more! I was a prisoner of want, and I wanted to be free. Do you see my quandary? Wanting was everywhere." - Elisa Albert

"Anyway, anyway: I wanted a(nother) baby. And when the (other) baby declined to appear, I felt cursed and punished and blighted and tragic and enraged and impotent. I screamed into the void. I told God to eat shit and die. And I found out some interesting things about myself. Such as: I am in conversation with God!" - Elisa Albert

Elisa Albert's essay had some millennial wording tendencies but some parts did actually invoke a chuckle!

"For every sorrow I write, also I press my forehead to the ground.
Also I wash the feet of our beloveds, if only in my mind, in the waters of the petals of the flowers.
I cross my arms and bow to you.
I cross my arms in armor wishing you protection." - Aracelis Girmay

[Kate · Rating 5 out of 5]

|| WANTING ||
#gifted/@catapult
•
A stunning, thought provoking anthology exploring the complexities of female desire.
✍🏻
This collection absolutely floored me! Filled with diverse perspectives and voices it is the best non-fiction on female desire I have ever read! The subjects of desire range so wonderfully, I was in awe and empowered while reading these essays. Deeply personal stories offer much to think about, consider and relate to. This was one of thoes books you hold tight after reading it. I loved discovering new to me authors too. Highly reccomend checking this one out!
•
Favorites: (although the whole thing is 🔥)
Sex In The Suburbs By Angela Cardinale

Last Supper By Torrey Peters

There Is A Name For This By Joanna Rakoff

Allergic By Tara Conklin

Splitting The World Open By Lisa Taddeo

Notes Towards A History Of Desire
By Merritt Tierce

For more of my book content check out instagram.com/bookalong

[gabi · Rating 3 out of 5]

i will always be skeptical about a feminist anthology edited by white women.

the gems that stood out in this collection were those written by BIPOC, queer people, and folks with disabilities. the rest was. very. bland.

[Jacqueline Nyathi · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5

https://shonareads.wordpress.com/2023...

“What do women want?”

If you’ve been lying awake, cracking your head over this, or if you weren’t entirely convinced by the 2000 Mel Gibson movie, this is the book for you.

In truth, answers are as varied as women are, and the list of possible desires at least as long as the list of people you ask. This collection of 33 essays includes the following: dreamed-of lives, pleasure, food, sex, babies, cars, time, respectful gardening, partners (singular and plural), places, exes, personal acknowledgement, solitude, craft and lost loved ones, kleptomania, control, drugs, religious experiences—in short, the whole gamut of human experience; or, at least, as much as can be fit into 330 pages.

Some of these essays are light; a few are unmemorable. Most are powerful and deeply personal. Many are searing, and will cause you to put the book down for a while (—trigger warnings for rape, childhood sexual abuse, and similar themes). Some go back and forth on their subject, clarity waxing and waning as desire does in life. All are astonishingly brave in their frankness.

My favourite essay isn’t about a woman at all: Amanda Petrusich‘s incisive How I Got Over, on the life of poet and Trappist monk Thomas Merton, who was split in two by his opposing desires, is a fascinating and profound read.

An excellent exploration of women’s lives and interiority, Wanting features a range of diverse voices. The people in these essays are broken, irrational, gloriously and heartbreakingly human, their stories wild, messy, unresolved. The sum of the parts is a thoughtful and nuanced view of the world. You may see yourself in Wanting. You may feel affirmed. You may walk in someone else’s shoes for a time. What is likely is that you will have your view of the world adjusted just that tiny fraction.

Read with: The Sex Lives of African Women by Nana Darkoa Sekyiamah, also an excellent anthology of diverse women’s voices.

Thank you to Catapult for this excellent ARC!

What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life? The world would split open. —Muriel Rukeyser

[Rhonda Lomazow · Rating 5 out of 5]

A fascinating collection of essay.Open honest intimate each essay each voice drew me in and kept me reading lots to think about.Will be recommending #netgalley#wanting

[Rebecca · Rating 3 out of 5]

Definitely closer to a 3.5/3.75 - I am obsessed with the idea behind this book, as well as the diversity in the voices of the essays. I enjoyed a majority of this book and felt incredibly seen as a woman surrounding the topic of desire (not just sexual - btw!)

But some of the writings felt disjointed, or took a long time for me to digest and dive into - which left an overall dull veneer on the entirety of the collection (again with a few exceptions!)

Super interested in the other anthology collections of essays!

[Luise · Rating 3 out of 5]

standouts
- sex in the suburbs
- pleasure archive
- see what you do to me
- desire in the city of subdued excitement
- the thief
- from woe to wonder

???
- how i got over: now why would anyone write a detailed biographical account of a man’s life to answer a prompt asking about women’s relationship to desire…
- on not getting what i wanted: obnoxious narrative voice and painfully millenial
- notes toward a history of desire: ms merritt tierce you don’t have to live like this pls seek therapy or have one conversation with a queer woman
coming to be: unhinged

[Yasmine · Rating 4 out of 5]

Several essays stood out to me, while others I read rather quickly because I wasn't feeling it. Interesting to see such a broad exploration of the topic.

[Char · Rating 5 out of 5]

still love this book sm

[Ana Hein · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.25 Stars

This is such an Ana book it's a little unreal. While I do deeply admire and respect the aim of the book to bring more attention to women's desire and its many facets--not all of them sexual--I hate to say it, but this one fell a little flat for me. Some of these essays I will most certainly be returning to--Melissa Febos hits, as always, with "Song of Songs" and Tarashea Nesbit recounts childhood grooming in the most heartbreaking, powerful way in "See What You Do to Me"--but so many of these just didn't land for me. There's a lot of telling, many of the emotions explored feel undeveloped or over-explained or are otherwise linguistically not executed as tightly as they could be. Many of them felt like being talked to rather than being shown a story. Some of my faves from the collection, besides those aforementioned, were "Pleasure Archive: Notes on Polyamory, History, and Desire" by Keyanah B. Nurse, Phd, "There is a Name for This" by Joanna Rakoff, "Splitting the World Open" by Lisa Taddeo, "The Thief," by Jane Wong, "Where it Starts, Where it Ends" by Terese Svoboda, and "Manifest" by Camille T. Dungy.

[Zibby Owens · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book of essays explores the changing face of female desire in whip-smart, luscious prose, with intimate pieces by different authors like Tara Conklin, Camille Dungy, Melissa Febos, and Lisa Taddeo. The contributors were so honest and vulnerable that it felt like they left their hearts on the page.

There were so many great lines to read. One was, "Enjoying the food was almost beside the point. I made some version of it for years into college until it started to seem a little dated. Besides, by then, there were so many other things I had to eat. I had to know about foie gras and why drinking late-harvest wine with it made for an entirely different taste. I had to try sweetbreads and chanterelles and fresh wasabi root, which for some reason, I ordered off the nascent internet. Did I know what to do with fresh wasabi root besides grate it? I did not, but I thought it might be interesting. I had to stand on the street corner outside Murray's Cheese shop on Bleecker and eat a few ounces of chili Alsatian Munster cheese all by itself. A heel of baguette might have been nice. And in truth, I wasn't hungry for Munster right then, but I was visiting New York, and the cheese I'd always heard was so much better than its bland American sandwich slice was right there in front of me, so I stood there on the cobblestones and ate cold cheese. And I did it all because I could not refuse the opportunity."

To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at:
https://www.momsdonthavetimetoreadboo...

[Sarah Beam · Rating 5 out of 5]

at times this was a really challenging book and at other times i felt more seen than i ever have by a piece of literature.
i recommend this book to all women and any person who has been socialized as a woman in adolescence or beyond. I specifically recommend this book to queer people of all types and those who sometimes think that they “think too much” or even are “too theoretical” when it comes to themselves and their relation to the world and societies we live in. no you’re not and this book lets you explore lots of things with other people who are out there asking the questions you may be asking. i recommend this book to anyone battling w/ identity politics and/or the need to define themselves or be a certain way in order to not be a certain way. i recommend it to anyone who respects the experiences of women and wants to learn more about the intricacies of those experiences even if they are unfamiliar.

[Danielle Woolard · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is an excellent collection of deeply personal stories written by women, and I loved reading every single one of them. I'm currently in my early 30s and I'm already looking forward to future reads throughout the years, how the wisdom for me will change.

You know how some books stimulate your brain, some tickle our funny bones, some books make a place for themselves in our hearts. This is the first book I've ever read that I could feel in my core, vibrating my solar and sacral plexuses. Interesting and delicious.

(A very sincere thank you to the authors, editors, publishers, and Goodreads for my giveaway copy)

[Joy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Exceptional. This is truly excellent. Like with all collections, some are better than others. There are some essays in here that I can take or leave, but the good ones are GOOD. There were 6 essays that blew me away, and one I’d put on the short list of the best essays I’ve ever read.
The 6 I loved the most were:
1. Sex in the Suburbs (Angela Cardinale)
2. *Desire in the City of Subdued Excitement* (Rena Priest)
3. The Broken Country (Molly McCully Brown)
4. Allergic (Tara Conklin)
5. On Not Getting What I Wanted (Elisa Albert)
6. Notes Toward a History of Desire (Merritt Tierce)

[Natalie · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5. this premise is exactly what i would enjoy (though i was pretty put off by this horrendous cover, and continue to find it appalling), but the actual collection fell short for me. the quality in writing of each essay just varied so much, and most i did not enjoy, hence why it took me 1.5 years to actually finish this. there are only three essays that i bookmarked: appetite by michelle wildgen, halls of air by laura joyce-hubbard, control freak by domenica ruta. i also really could have used some trigger warnings before some of these essays, since the subject matter also varied widely.

[Tristan Timbrook · Rating 4 out of 5]

I picked this up after reading a column from one of the essays writers. Had curiosity and interest in understanding various facets of human yearning from perspectives distinctly different from my own. Addiction, consumerism, having children, unrequited love, physical desires from unique perspectives (person with physical disabilities, assigned male at birth person coming out as trans to then female partner). It was enlightening to step into different shoes, often heart wrenching.

[Vaishali · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm glad I enjoyed reading this as much as I hoped I would. The diversity of voices and themes covered through each essay made it a touching, even surprising, occasionally very angry and almost everywhere, a validating read. This is not to say I read it ear to ear, I did skip a few essays that I didn't find myself glued to. But the ones I read more than delivered their punches. It's so special to read when women decide to write with honesty and just go and speak their truths. Even, and especially, the embarrassing or 'shameful' or frustrating ones. 💕

[Whitney Ellison · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some of the essays were captivating and others were written well, but a bit dull and slow to finish.

[Alexa]

I read this over the course of the whole year I think

[Lauren Fanella · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5⭐️

[Mary · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a fascinating book compiling the voices of many authors. I found some chapters upsetting with topics varying from rape to child abuse. My favorite chapters were: Control Freak, Splitting the World Wide Open, and There is a Name for This.

[Sunny C · Rating 3 out of 5]

the prose on sex, desire, and heartache was extremely overwhelming in some parts. Tough read in various aspects.

[Paula · Rating 1 out of 5]

Really disappointed in this current effort, I so enjoyed the anthology “Women Writing about Home.”

[Georgie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Was really excited to get my hands on this collection! I appreciate the vulnerability these writers show in writing about very intimate subjects. There is also diversity in writer perspectives and how each interpreted the larger theme of "desire." As with any essay collection, there were some hits and some that didn't resonate. I don't think there is any one essay that will stick with me for an extended amount of time, but these were my standouts:

-When I Imagine the Life I Want, Larissa Pham
-Being a Dad Means Respecting the Yard, Kristen Arnett
-See What You Do to Me, Tarashea Nesbit
-The Good Girl, Sonora Jha
-There Is a Name for This, Joanna Rakoff
-The Broken Country, Molly McNully Brown
-Notes Toward a History of Desire, Merritt Tierce

[S. · Rating 4 out of 5]

This one was interesting! "Desire" may bring a few specific scenarios to mind, but I was impressed at the wide variety of contexts represented and explored in the anthology.

All of the stories had decent prose, IMO, but several of them had a beautiful style that had me tabbing passages. Some had me feeling sentimental, but others were downright chilling or unsettling; definitely check the tw's if you're sensitive to anything specific.

I'd say this was one of those unusual cases where midway I thought "I really like this", yet I also wished it to be over. The book was difficult to binge-read because its topics (and sometimes styles) were so different between chapters, and a few were quite heavy. That said, I did feel it was worth reading.

[Tamara · Rating 2 out of 5]

Read an excerpt of one of these essays online and liked it so much that I went ahead and got the whole book. I really did appreciate the diversity of female voices in this anthology. That said, I'd have enjoyed a more restrictive definition of "desire" as the common thread through this collection. Some personal essays were raw and magical in their honesty and captured the very best and worst of what it means to be human and to contend with desire as a woman (so many of us never really do). Others detracted from this - I found some essays more clinical and didactic than literary, which personally made my reading of them less enjoyable.

[Livia Monica · Rating 5 out of 5]

4,5 stars actually 一 ANYWAYS!!

This book is raw. Women’s desires written as they are. Some stories make me ache, some make me feel validated and seen, all of them make me feel like I am finally understandable.

Motherhood, sexuality, sexual desires (even in adulthood—which is something not often discussed in my environment), addiction, parenting, racism, socioeconomic, etc.

I need to take a break from some of them that include SA一my prayers go with them and I hope they’re at peace now, with both of their circumstances and their bodies.

Not sure if I will reread this but I am so blessed that I have ever read this.

[E. · Rating 3 out of 5]

An interesting reading experience since this is the first essay collection I’ve read (that I remember at least) centered around one theme and I think that these kind of collections just aren’t for me. I got so bored reading about the same theme even though the interpretations of said theme were different (although not as vastly as I would have preferred). Standouts for me were Appetite, How I Got Over, Last Supper, and Teach Me How to Want to Live, with special mentions to The Good Girl, Approximations, and The Thief.

[Kira · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really jumped around and didn’t read all the essays. But I enjoyed several of the ones I did read, especially Amy Gall’s. So much richness in writing on desire. And this collection includes one of my favorite essays of all time, Camille Dungy’s Manifest, which I read during my first year of college and then printed out to have nearby anytime I wanted to read it. One of the pieces that keeps me writing, seeking that kind of truth and beauty.

[Msaletti · Rating 4 out of 5]

A powerful anthology that taps into questions I’ve been grappling with a lot lately; how would female desire look like in a world free from gender-based violence, sexual assault, systemic racism, colonisation and poverty? How would our (sexual and not)self determination look like? What would it feel like?

I feel grateful to these writers for being so vulnerable and for laying down a foundation for this vital work of undoing.