Running Free: My Battle with Anorexia

by Rebecca Quinlan

From Olympic hopeful to hours away from death, a harrowing yet inspirational true story of suffering and recovery from severe anorexia nervosa.

Running Free is a ground-breaking memoir of suffering and ongoing recovery providing hope and inspiration to the many sufferers, carers, and families of this chronic disease showing that recovery is always possible.

From being a top ranking athlete to repeated and lengthy hospital admissions, Rebecca has been at rock bottom and only a few hours between life and death. Now in recovery, Rebecca is using her experience to bring awareness to not just anorexia, but to the suffering of being controlled by it, what motivated her to keep going, and also to highlight the dangers of eating disorders in sport.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction

278 pages, Kindle Edition

First published August 9, 2022

Reviews

[Peach ghost · Rating 1 out of 5]

I'm sorry, this review might come off as rude maybe so yeah.

I feel a little weird about the rating in this book, for one side this book is awesome at understanding medical negligence, and seeing how a chronically ill patient
could find themselves at the hands of ill equipped doctors and nurses, how they feel, the horrible
inhumane conditions these patients might find themselves in, overall on that part is awesome, good for
understanding how a bad approach to something so delicate as anorexia can have terrible consequences.
I even dare to say the way she was treated is similar to how some senior citizens are; thoroughly abused when
hospitalized, on retirement homes or even when settled with a particular nurse, treated like nothing, verbally and mentally abused.

HOWEVER, on the other side of the coin, Rebecca Quinlan is the most INSUFFERABLE individual ever, this is coming from an anorexic who is on the verge of being diagnosed as chronic or SEED, this girl is so deep into the victim mentality it's almost like a joke, sorry I might come across rude but holy fricking God, this book was just... I don't even know how to define it, this girl for real.

If she is not treated with the utmost care and love she starts to victimize herself and starts a very stupid self destructive military degree operation, being fully aware of it too and then gets mad and moans and cries because *nobody* saw this coming?

A full grown adult being manipulative with her health (mind you she confirms this over and over and over, she might add word vomit and glitter to say it less factually), I dare to even blame the parents for being so damn soft with her, I'm all for gentle parenting, but
her parents fucked her up by treating her like a baby, the moment this girl gained an once of autonomy over herself all she could do was f*ck herself up in hopes that someone could take the responsibility of herself out of her hands (mainly her mother, gosh the weird fixation this girl had over her mother is driving me NUTS, she is so damn dependant on her mother that at some point this lad would start hurting herself at the ward because she "missed her mother" and would not stop until she could attach to her mother again like a damn emotional leech, mind you, the mother was on another city and had to be contacted at like 3 am).

this is literally what her illness is about, being so damn entitled and helpless to the point that every time she takes a step close to being an adult she throws it out of the window and shoves it down every one's faces so they can baby her again!!

There's no "straw that broke the camel's back" for me on this one because EVERY SINGLE PARAGRAPH is a new straw added.

All she does is cry and cry about how everyone treats her so badddd. One paragraph is her taking a little bit of accountability about her actions and the rest of the chapter is just her justifying how "hopeless" she is under anorexia, about how everything and everyone is at fault of her condition, she is unable to understand that it's her life and she HAS to take matters into her hands.

The only times IP worked for her was when someone "took the responsibility out of her hands".

The way she tries to put blame on absolutely everyone and everything on a poetic and cutesy way BAFLES ME, she is basically saying: how dare her parents work like crazy to support a useless daughter who cannot comply with anything at all and not pay close attention to her to see if she was actually eating or not?? Her mother working 12 hours and ignoring her... How come!

How dare the IP care not micromanage her and realize she's just a baby that is not eating nuh nuh! Omg, she was put on a one-to-one watch and yet she was IGNORED! OMG, poor poor becca :((

I'm so so sorry but I even had to put the book down and let my mind rest for days because holy frick, this read is so damn heavy, her victim mentality oozes and drips out of this damn book it's making the floor wet. It's so difficult to read for real, one moment she is ready to recover and ready to give her all, the next she is refusing treatment and then... oh look! she is crying and wailing and blaming everyone else because now she will be sectioned.... Really??? This lady acts like everyone exists just to victimize her one way or another,

I am not mad about her explaining her IP experience, these things are always good to tell, my IP experiences have been something else for real, but for her to explain her "traumatizing" experience as... being ignored...?? Yeah, her third admission was very traumatizing but this was something she bring up to herself.

The moment people stops paying attention to her, babying her, taking one thousand considerations to her, is over, she is on a MISSION to get worst.

This book is so frustrating, Rebecca herself is a frustrating individual, entitled, spoiled, her parents (mainly her mother) indulged her so much this girl was unable to actually mature and be an adult, anorexia has a lot of root causes, we usually fight to break the stereotype of the entitled white rich teen who starves herself... Rebecca is basically that, an entitled, spoiled, nasty young adult and then full grown adult who has the full support of her parents, maybe not rich but definitely on a cozy economic situation who is adamant on throwing everything into the thrash for absolutely no reason at all.

You can see how her mother enables her behavior and illness every singe time, Rebecca is uncomfy? Super Mom is going to fight like crazy so she knows no pain! Rebecca ran away from the first Impatient Unit? Holy cow, the mother is going to go crazy over her poor kid, she is 20 years old but she knows no better! These evil people! They don't listen to her boohoo!

Every single thing Rebecca does that is absolutely wrong can never be traced back at her, this woman is about to be 34 years and she cannot, for the life of her, do something about her situation, it's everyone's fault but herself.

If someone of you my folks with eds are looking for a book to trigger yourself (as I was trying to do here, guilty as charged) I recommend looking at the author on social media, this is the mediocre life anorexia will bring upon you if you keep going, AN is not a choice but let's be honest here, it's an addiction and we can fight against it, do not be fooled by the way this woman soothes herself and tries to bring the reader to understand, justify and sympathize with her, what she is doing cannot be hang over nobodies heads but hers alone, not the IP stay, not the nurse, not college, not her major, absolutely nothing, maybe her parents but even then, she was not a fricking baby when she actively choose to engage in disordered behavior after the first IP Unit.

There's no way to justify and empathize with someone who wants help and is dying quite literally for help and it's throwing the potatoes they served at the ward to the wall at 22 years old because "they're too big" and she was "not ready for it"....???

Sister in Christ do you want the fricking help or not???

Again, I know what this mental illness does to you and how it makes you act, but honey I am not going to sit here and read the mental gymnastics you are doing just to justify your stupid behavior.


The worst tips so far in this book are the ones that explain how to put blame on everyone else but the individual, that is the actual dangerous part, thank you.

Man, I can rant and rant and rant about this stupid book, I'm nowhere near done with what I want to say but I'm going to stop here because this might be bad for my already effed up cortisol.

Do I recommend this read? Actually yes, if you have an ED I dare you to read this book, to look at her on social media just so you can be faced with the reality of an ed, how spoiled and dumb we act sometimes, how our victim mentality pushes us to act like this woman right here. Every time I read a little bit of it I get back on track to recovery because I cannot stand the idea of being this insufferable, not even on my mind.

[Kathleen Garber · Rating 5 out of 5]

I always feel weird saying it was a good book when it’s about something so not good. The book was well written, engaging and helpful to those already in recovery from eating disorders.

I do not recommend it to those who are just figuring out that they have an eating disorder. The book talks about all the little tricks she used to fool people into thinking she was eating more than she was. She gives a few notes to say she does NOT recommend doing these but to someone new to anorexia, it could be introducing them to tricks. However I do recommend it to those on the road to recovery who feel like it’s not possible or maybe even that they don’t want to recover because they don’t see what’s wrong with it.

I read the book in just a few days because it was so gripping. I would also recommend the book to those who KNOW someone who struggles with anorexia. Reading this could help them understand how they think. Even the author had to challenge her thoughts about what anorexia was before she could realize she was struggling with it.

I received a copy of this in exchange for an honest review

[Jo S · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book had a lot of promise, unfortunately it's a bit of a slog to read. Rebecca doesn't manage to connect many emotions to her behaviours throughout the book nor provide much insight into some of the anorexic behaviours- to the point where it is unclear if she even understands them herself. Eating disorders function as a way to not have to deal with difficult feelings. A major part of ED memoirs is usually about the author understanding and expressing these whilst also describing the journey they went through behaviour-wise. However, Rebecca seems to prefer to stick to the latter. Lots of long passages explaining her specific weight in kilos and the practicalities. Not particularly interesting reading.
Her blog posts included in the book are probably the best writing in the book. Perhaps her blog is better than this writing. It does feel like someone has told her to write a memoir but she's really not connected to how she felt when sick- as such, it really doesn't work.
There is quite a lot of victim mentality within the book. To be expected of a person with an eating disorder. As is the clear enmeshment with her mother. What would have been good would have been to provide insight on these issues for those who don't understand that. Without it, the character she paints is one who is irritating, whiny and unpleasant. Which, if you don't understand anorexia, she could have been seen to be at the time.

The problem is, this book is supposed to be for people to learn about the illness- Rebecca doesn't help with that in any real way- just describes in detail how she got to a very low weight and found all but one hospital unhelpful or mean- again- a critique of ED care in the UK would have been excellent here- instead this book just feels like a big lot of nothing.

Read Nancy Tucker's "The Time In Between" for a more interesting and insightful read.

[Tina · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a harrowing book to read. I read a lot of books on eating disorders, as I have one myself and this book is, without a doubt, one of the hardest reads on the subject.

Rebecca was very brave to write her story and I give her full points for that. Having an eating disorder is a constant, daily reminder and not listening to that eating disorder voice is something I practice every day - some days are not easy.

The American Medical Association has, for some time, deemed anorexia and bulimia as highly severe mental diseases while only recognizing binge eating, in the last decade or so. ALL eating disorders are dangerous, scary and take a lot of work towards lowering the volume on the screaming voices and find a way that = a good life, regardless of the disorder.

I have been told, by the people in my life (medical and 12 steps) that you are not responsible for having an eating disorder, but you are responsible for what you do with it.

This is the part of the story that made me anxious. While Rebecca never asked for an eating disorder, she also does zero to help herself. In fact, while she mentions several times that "this is not her fault" and she even goes as far as to say that an eating disorder clinic accused her of manipulation she often came came across as almost proud of her disease. I know that this is her ED talking and I would have liked to hear more about how she finally accepts her situation and takes an active role in getting better.

The writing was on point and engrossing.

I do wish Rebecca continued serenity, one day at a time.

[Diane Billas · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to SRL Publishing for an ARC copy for an honest review. This book was heartbreaking to read, to hear how much the author went through with anorexia. It was also difficult to hear how poorly she was treated at a few of the hospitals that she was in. The book was well-written and I couldn't put it down. I applaud the author for all her accomplishments and for running free. I highly recommend this book.

[Kristie · Rating 4 out of 5]

refreshing to read

Felt connected to the author. I felt like I was reading a book about myself. I’m glad I read this. I would recommend it.