There seemed to be a million and one devotionals for motherhood, but not a single one for lack of motherhood. I scoured the internet and came up short. It felt like yet another slap in the face, another visible-only-to-me “not welcome here” sign in church, another exclusion to female space. All the other women in church are given praise for their sacrifices. All the other women in church can openly share their prayer requests for sleep training and potty training and going back to work and staying at home and finding and losing their sense of self. All the church events are created by mothers and for mothers. And now here, seeking solace in quiet time, I find there is still no room for me in even the publishing world of devotionals. Praise be to God that this book was published the very month I hit my lowest low. I purchased it immediately when I saw the chapter titles: “Why Her and Not Me?” “Outside the Mommy Club.” “Friends Again.” “Praise Him Anyway.”
Ouch. Right to the heart of it.
It took me much longer than 31 days to get through these 31 devotionals. It’s not fun to cry and I cried over about a fourth of the chapters. Sometimes I cried in deep grief, other times I cried in joyous prayer. The chapters are tender and compassionate in the beginning, dealing with *all* the hard feelings of infertility, like grief, jealousy, loneliness, exclusion. They grow in depth over the pages, challenging the reader to turn inward and upward and outward, to acknowledge the pain, to cling to hope, and to make daily choices to show the love of Jesus not in spite of her situation, but because of her situation. My faith has deepened over this journey. I’ve had more spiritual conversations in one season than I have had perhaps in my entire walk. I also learned I still have serious spiritual work to do in forgiveness of rejection and exclusion, and in uprooting the bitterness that follows an unforgiving heart (see the first paragraph: it’s an honest look at my perspective. I confess it is not holy.).
What would have brought this up to five stars: a third perspective of an author who never conceived. The two authors of this book are doing the Lord’s work, sharing the wisdom that comes with distance from a painful season to the women walking right in the midst of it. They are following their call and should be honored for it! I certainly learned a lot from them and they do include snippets from women in their community who have never had biological children, but I also would have appreciated a third voice of another woman who never birthed biological children woven throughout the entirety of the book.
I would also love a companion devotional for the husband. This was the only female devotional I could find regarding infertility. I could not find *any at all* for men.
Overall, a must-read for any woman going through infertility. Even if you think you’re “fine” (ie: me every other day), I promise you you’ll benefit from at least one chapter of this book. My favorite quote:
“Once God saw the universe he made, with man and woman as the crowning glory of his creation, he called it ‘very good.’ Notice that he said this before Eve got pregnant. In God’s eyes, a husband and a wife are a family whether or not they have children.”
Genesis was once flippantly thrown around to me as a command to have children (“be fruitful and multiply”) and it stabbed my heart even when I knew it wasn’t theologically sound. Kelley and Jenn, thank you so much for your beautiful words to finally help soothe that deep wound. Thank you for reminding me that God sees beauty in my family of two. Thank you for your ministry. I loved this book and hope it is the first of many more books in the Christian publishing world to grow people’s faith while they walk through infertility.