It Was an Ugly Couch Anyway: And Other Thoughts on Moving Forward

by Elizabeth Passarella

A collection of refreshingly honest and hilarious essays from Southern Living columnist Elizabeth Passarella about navigating change--whether emotional or logistical--and staying sane during life's unexpected twists and turns. After Elizabeth Passarella and her husband finally decided that it was time to sell their two-bedroom apartment in Manhattan, she found herself wondering, Is there a proper technique for skinning a couch? The couch in question was a beloved hand-me-down from her father--who had recently passed away--and she was surprisingly reluctant to let the nine-foot, plaid, velour-covered piece of furniture go. So, out came the scissors. She kept the fabric and tossed the couch. We've all had to make decisions in our lives about what to keep and what to toss--habits, attitudes, friends, even homes. In this new collection of essays, Elizabeth explores the ups and downs of moving forward--both emotionally and logistically--with her welcome candor and sense of humor that readers have come to love. She enters into a remarkable (and strange) relationship with an elderly neighbor whose apartment she hopes to buy, examines her own stubborn stances on motherhood and therapy, and tries to come to terms with a family health crisis that brings more questions than answers. Along the way Elizabeth reminds readers that when they feel stuck or their load feels heavy, there is always light breaking in somewhere. It Was an Ugly Couch Anyway will make readers laugh, cry, and feel a little less alone as they navigate their own lives that are filled with uncertainty, change, and things beyond their control.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Audiobook, Humor, Essays, Self Help, Biography

256 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2023

About the author

Elizabeth Passarella is the author of the essay collections It Was an Ugly Couch Anyway and Good Apple, which was named a Best Book of the Year 2021 by Real Simple. A former editor at Real Simple and Vogue, she has spent more than 20 years writing about food, travel, home design, and parenting in outlets including The New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Parents, Martha Stewart Weddings, Coastal Living, Apartment Therapy's The Kitchn, and Southern Living. Elizabeth grew up in Memphis, Tennessee and now lives in New York City with her family.

Reviews

[AnnieM · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was attracted to the premise of the book about letting go of our parents' things or our own. This is a series of essays and some were okay and some were a bit boring and were hard to stick with. I guess what caught me off guard was the religious undertone that emerged every now and again and I did not realize that this would be a lens through which she would write. It wasn't constant but there was enough that it turned me off. There were moments of interest in the book about being a parent but overall, it was only okay.

Thank you to Netgalley and Nelson Publishing for an ARC in exchange for my honest review.

[Maren’s Reads · Rating 5 out of 5]

Did I binge this in under a day? Yes. Do I want Elizabeth to be my new BFF? Yes! This collection of essays not only entertains, but also speaks to the struggles of motherhood, being a wife, a friend, a daughter, a neighbor and of course, that of obtaining a coveted NYC apartment. If you love Nora Ephron (which who doesn’t) you will love Elizabeth Passarella and this book.

Thank you {partners} TLC Book Tours, Thomas Nelson and Libro.FM and for the gifted copies in exchange for my honest review.

[Andrea · Rating 2 out of 5]

I expected so much more from a Goodreads Choice Award nominee (in Humor). It’s clear that this author can write well, but calling it “hilarious” is far from what I read.

[Cameron Lee · Rating 2 out of 5]

Maybe this just isn’t my genre, but this book did not do it for me. I found the author to be entitled, unrelatable, and constantly “humble bragging” about her life in NYC and how much money her family has. It mainly just felt like her telling random stories… I didn’t really get the part of “thoughts on moving forward.” 2.5 ⭐️

[Brandice · Rating 4 out of 5]

It Was An Ugly Couch Anyway is Elizabeth Passarella’s second book and after enjoying Good Apple last year, I wanted to read more from her.

In this essay collection, Passarella talks about living and raising a family in NYC, a theme familiar from her last book. In addition to family, topics include grief, accepting change, and a couch past its prime. I enjoyed hearing about her time working at Vogue and the ongoing “will they/ won’t they” pursuit of attempting to buy another apartment in their building.

I listened to the audiobook of It Was An Ugly Couch Anyway which Passarella narrates and enjoyed the listening experience.

[Amber · Rating 1 out of 5]

I wrote a long scathing review, but I feel mean so I deleted it.
Perhaps it’s just that the book is not for me. I enjoy unlikeable characters in my fiction, but this one taught me I prefer my memoirs and essays to be relatable, likeable, and/or humble.

Ok editing to add a month later: I am still annoyed that the author bragged about manipulating an elderly black widow out of a property her late husband left her for a “steal” (but the author wouldnt share numbers because we normal folks just “wouldn’t get it.”) I still think about it sometimes and get pissed off. I guess it’s ok though because she’s Christian and prayed about her preying?

Edit 2: yes, she did manipulate that elderly black widow for that property. That woman was reluctant to sell, and the author hounded her constantly, even after being asked repeatedly to stop, and used emotional manipulation. We read the same book but perhaps you empathized more with the white Christian woman than me so you gave her more benefit of the doubt. I’m literally editing my privacy settings now to avoid people commenting on this review defending this privileged woman’s actions cause I’m not interested.

[🩶 April • A.M. Flynn • 🩶 · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love quirky memoirs who also make your eyes wet.

[Belle · Rating 4 out of 5]

88% funny and relatable.
12% preachy.

Do with that what you wish.

[Melodi | booksandchicks · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to @libro.fm for this complimentary audiobook.

I was once again thoroughly entertained by Ms. Passarella and her wit and charm in her telling of basic stories of her life and its dramas! She has a way with words and humor that made the listening experience so easy to pay attention to and by the end I almost feel like we are friends!

This is a book full of short blips in time of her life as a Southern girl planted in NYC and embracing all of the life differences that are needed. I loved listening to her experience of them working so hard to find a larger condo to move their growing family into.

An easy one to recommend.

[Amy Sloan · Rating 2 out of 5]

I've waited several days to write my review of this book, as I am really conflicted about my experience with it. For the first probably 30% I was absolutely loving it, as I found her someone I really related to. However, that changed partway through. While aspects of her life and her stories continued to resonate, threads started to emerge that made me deeply uncomfortable, specifically how she discusses her mother-in-law and her children. If I were her family and read this book, I would be deeply hurt. She spends lots of time on the page explaining why they should not be hurt, but ultimately, she is narcissistically (her word) attached to her own ideas and perceptions at the expense of others in her own close circle, including her own children. I've deleted everything else I want to say about this book, as I recognize that I am discussing a real-life person and want to respect that.

[Kelly Hooker · Rating 5 out of 5]

What do a hoarder's apartment, the best technique for skinning a couch, and losing your child in NYC have in common? You’ll have to pick up IT WAS AN UGLY COUCH ANYWAY: And Other Thoughts on Moving Forward to find out!

Elizabeth Passarella uses a beloved couch long past its prime and an emotional roller coaster of a move into a former hoarder’s apartment as the foundation for this candid essay collection. I love the way she explores the nuances of motherhood, life in NYC and moving forward in the aftermath of grief and change.

Striking the perfect balance of humor and heart, Elizabeth’s words felt like grabbing coffee with a friend in the trenches who is also trying to survive and sometimes thrive too.

As with her debut, GOOD APPLE, Passarella’s words are a love letter to New York City. As someone who has never been (!!) I love the armchair travel and how she simultaneously captures the flaws and beauty of a community she loves.

You’ll laugh. You’ll Cry. You’ll wish you had more time spent in these pages. Good news! Join me on Friday May 12 at 12pm (EST) on IG Live for an author interview with Elizabeth to hear more about this 5 star read.

READ IF:
The big apple holds a special place in your heart
A hearty laugh or a good cry is in order
You find stories of imperfection and vulnerability relatable

[Jaclyn · Rating 3 out of 5]

Backstory: I am working on a little project right now that involves the idea of possessing things and being possessed and consumerism and letting go etc etc. So when I was at the library doing some light research—while keeping my toddler from grabbing every book within his chubby fingered reach—I found this slim little paperback.

I thought: I've never heard of it, but why not! It promised on the cover to be about letting go and moving forward. Admittedly, I did little research beyond the blurb and the title.

All of the essays (let me say it here, these essays feel more like diary entries than "essays" but thats what she's calling them) are connected to this idea of letting something go: whether it be a material possession—see the ugly couch—or a long held idea.

This book really was not what I was looking for, but ended up being a pretty good time. It reads disjointed and meanders into territories unexpected, but it manages to be loosely connected.
Passarella is a devout Christian, but you wouldn't know it till half way through the novel when her faith begins to take a more pronounced role in some of the stories. I almost felt like some of the stories should've been shuffled around. If her faith was going to take such a big role in the latter half of the collection, why not just incorporate that thread all the way through?

Passarella is funny, but in an abrasive way, which to be fair she describes herself this way. I genuinely laughed out loud a few times while reading this. She also vacillates between being relatable and being a little out of the middle class purview. In a way, this makes the story feel a little jarring tonally. It's difficult to go from relating to her struggles with letting go of her fathers couch and then read about them waiting to get their dream three bedroom apartment in NYC for over 500,000$. The price isn't the problem—they are rich by normal standards, as she frequently acknowledges. The problem is the waiting. At times she reads as really out of touch with the struggles of many Americans.

Theres a section about an unruly jack russell terrier that I could not both laugh at and want to cry, because if i didn't know any better I'd think she was talking about my little monster that I had for eight years before rehoming (she is happy and thriving now if you were wondering. Turns out all she needed was to be the center of attention of a family with enough money to have her in strict behavioral training, endurance competitions, and a huge yard in a rural area!)

I also could relate to her discussions about her husbands unexplainable random medical problems, as someone that unfortunately experienced very similar frustrating issues over the summer and into the fall. I skimmed these chapters, because I'm not ready to really be reminded of that time in my life yet.

I didn't like was how she talked about her children. I think that parents and mothers especially shouldn't be judged for their parenting styles as long as the children are happy and healthy, so I'm not going to harp on this. I genuinely didn't relate to her experience as a mother. I pretty much worship the ground my son walks on, and cannot imagine not loving every part of him, so to each their own, I suppose. There are some women that value their career over motherhood and I guess I just can't relate to that.

One of my favorite parts of this collection was her discussions about the COVID-19 pandemic in NYC. I would love to read more stories (fictional or based on lived experience) of peoples experiences during the pandemic in community. It was so nice to read about a community of people taking care of each other in small and big ways. If anyone has any recs send them my way please!

Overall I enjoyed reading this in the way one enjoys reading a magazine in a waiting room. Passarella is an interesting person. The collection was fine, enjoyable, and had nuggets of good anecdotes, but it could've benefited from a narrower focus.

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Full review coming.

Thank you LibroFM for a gifted ALC of this book in exchange for my honest review.

4⭐️.

[juli ☾ · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book to pieces

[Shannon (The Book Club Mom) · Rating 4 out of 5]

It Was an Ugly Couch Anyway by Elizabeth Passarella is a prime example of why I absolutely LOVE it when authors narrate their own memoirs. Listening to Passarella speak so candidly about life’s unexpected twists, turns, ups, and downs was truly a breath of fresh air. It was like sitting on a patio with a few yummy appetizers, alcoholic beverages, and catching up with an old friend. Motherhood, marriage, her husband’s illness, purchasing an apartment in New York City, losing a parent, and the grief that follows, are just a handful of the topics she discusses in her collection of extremely relatable essays. If you’re looking for a comical narrative on change, healing, and moving forward, then be sure to give this one a try. It Was an Ugly Couch Anyway is available now, and it gets 4/5 stars from me! Definitely go the audiobook route if you can! Trust me!

[AJ Jones · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF @ 57% meh. Liked the premise but didn’t enjoy the religion aspect and couldn’t get past the part where she felt bad for her friends that had a puppy. Not for me.

[Kristen Freiburger · Rating 3 out of 5]

The snark is no joke

[Carla · Rating 4 out of 5]

To be honest, I chose this book because of the title, but I really enjoyed this one. It is a series of essays by Elizabeth Passarella, a Southern Living columnist who I was not familiar with. I enjoyed the various essays with the one from the title the most. There are some dealing with health issues that are serious but could be funny after the fact. Throughout the book there are interactions (phone calls, cards and letters) with the widow of the doctor who owned an apartment in the building that he used as his office. They want to buy it as their place is too small for their growing family. That ongoing link to the various essays ties this book together and had me respecting her patience, I never would have been able to do what she did. She explores motherhood, friendships and more in this book and I found myself laughing often. I enjoyed this frank, but humorous look at life, changes and moving forward. I did a read/listen and enjoyed the audiobook narrated by the author. I do like when an author narrates their own books as they know where to emphasize things, as long as they have a good voice and in this case, she does, and it works. If you enjoy a light hearted look at life, then I recommend this one to you.

[Joana da Silva · Rating 2 out of 5]

Entertaining enough to listen while doing mundane tasks around the house. From the synopsis, I expected more depth in these essays but I'm ok with how it turned out.

[Eli Jones · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book solidified for me that I truly love when authors are from the deep south & perfectly capture the weirdness and beauty that comes with that. Shock alert coming: I’ll say it!!! I love being from MS!!!!

She made me laugh SO much

[Amy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Really torn on how to rate this one because there were essays that I loved and really related to, but then there were also moments where I kind of felt like reading about her life was a little, ahem, boring (and I'm saying that as someone who also leads a fairly boring life). I liked that there was a story that ran throughout the book in between the other essays and gave it some structure. However, I'm kind of sad that that story was more about buying another apartment in New York than the author's relationship with her dad and processing her grief after he died. (The title story about the ugly couch was about both of those things, so she really could have taken it either direction. Maybe some of her other books focus more on that relationship.)

I did find myself wanting to highlight many things, a few of which I'm including here for safekeeping:

I loved the part about therapy in the chapter with her unpopular opinions. As someone who has thought many times about going to therapy but then ultimately deciding against it, I found it very validating. I particularly loved this quote from Mychal Denzel Smith in a New York Times article: "Therapy can offer a pathway toward understanding [the self], but it can also overshadow the idea of healing in community."

In that same chapter, she confessed her dislike of open floor plans. I feel the same. I prefer to not have an open view of my kitchen from the front door.

Also, her painful admission about wanting to avoid joining various groups in the community hit a little too close for me: "My greatest fear was that someone would demand more of me than I was willing to give, emotionally or logistically." Hence why I've never joined the PTA.

She referenced "life-changing advice about mothers-in-law" from her friend's mom but then never said what that advice actually was, and I desperately want to know.

And finally, just loved this one: "When I see cracks or brittleness, where I used to complain or gloat, I now feel love. That's not my doing. That's a poultice of time and mercy. I am able to grieve what I wanted but didn't get and, well, move on."

[Lindsey Boyd · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved it!! A fun and easy read for my flights this weekend + it had me thinking about everyone I love. Her first book was one of my absolute favorites in 2021 and this one will probably be in my top 10 this year. I just love the honesty and relatability of her writing!

[Marjorie · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5

[Melody · Rating 1 out of 5]

Stealth evangelism. She’s a decent writer but I stopped caring once her god showed up.

[Crosby Cobb · Rating 4 out of 5]

The best way I know how to describe my experience reading this book is to compare it to the moments I’ve had at meals with women in my life whose children I babysit when the kids are occupied and so you get to sit and chat and learn while probably sipping a cocktail with someone you think is really incredible!

So enjoyable! And funny! And honest! And special!

That likely doesn’t make sense but even if it doesn’t you’ll likely still enjoy the book!

[Allison Wise · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 stars. This book made me laugh, cry, and long for my old childhood couch. I didn't know anything about this author or this book before I picked it up. My roommate recommended it to me, and I didn't have any expectations or frame of reference of what this book would be about. I don't even really know how to give a summary of it. Just read it. or listen to it. Elizabeth writes so beautifully and authentically that it felts so familiar and comforting.

[Melinda Jordan · Rating 2 out of 5]

In all fairness, I’m not a fan of the book of essays format. So maybe my strong dislike stems mostly from that fact about myself. There was something about structure that made me long for something that flowed and essays don’t have to do that.

But on the other hand, there’s an affluence that I can’t connect with and that gave me the feeling she wasn’t someone to take advice from. I wasn’t able to put my finger on what gave me the icks until she was writing about going to a dozen weddings in a year. She advises that even if it leaves you on the brink of not making ends meet, go to the wedding because being able to say “I was at your wedding” is fundamental. It’s “wisdom” that is so out of touch with reality for so many people. Maybe I’m just really cynical, but I can’t handle another wealthy person dishing out life advice that only works for the wealthy.

To be honest, I was judging her from the moment she said she kept all of the fabric from her dad’s couch rather than just a piece. It didn’t seem like a healthy example of moving on and change, so each chapter I thought “yeah, but this is from the woman who kept every scrap of fabric from a 1970s couch in a trash bag”.

[Jude (HeyJudeReads) Fricano · Rating 5 out of 5]

"You hang on to something small. You tuck a camel in a rolling cart, some fabric scarps in a garbage bag, and your promise to find a place for it. You keep what you can carry, and you make it enough."

Memories. Of the people who mean the most, of the places we've left behind. We carry with us a piece of what we've experienced - both beautiful and painful. And often we need to let go in order to move on.

This beautiful collection of stories begins with an ugly couch and ends by filling our hearts with reminders of the people and places that brought us joy. When we find that joy we what to hold it tightly so it doesn't escape - yet in the end each meeting, each memory, each experience are what fill our lives - piece by piece. These stories will make you laugh, and make you cry. The mile markers of a very good life! Thank you for this well-crafted, character-filled collection!

[Deece de Paor · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was really bad. I got a ARC from NetGalley and I liked the title. I figured it would be funny in the way Sloane Crosley is funny. It was not.
First of all I found the prologue, written by the actual actor, to be a horrible indication of what was to come. This is not well written; it’s like reading someone’s diary that is boring and self indulgent. Michael’s illness intrigued me- telling it through a religious lens did not. I found all the stories to be fairly dull.

[Tyler · Rating 1 out of 5]

The author begins the book with a story about a guy who swallowed his goldfish whole because he was moving and “didn’t know what to do with it”. This is barbaric and disgusting. Unfortunately, it never gets any better. This book promises to make you laugh, cry and feel a little less alone, none of which I did or felt. It was filled with stories which felt completely pointless in telling, often with no conclusion, narrated in the same monotone voice the entire time.