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False Icons #3
Halfhearted Hunter
Hell is where the heart is. For five years my life has been a living breathing hell--literally. Worst of all, I don't remember any of it. We're not talking some vague blackout here, no, this is full-on comic book levels of amnesia. But now I'm back, only to find the whole world managed to survive without me. Some hero I turned out to be. There's no time to wallow, though, not when I'm surrounded by pissed off dryads and vampires who've somehow figured out how to walk in the sunlight. I'll need to get my head back in the game before they do something stupid, like trigger Armageddon--again. Thankfully, I'm not alone. With an equally confused former vampire by my side, as well as a baby minotaur and my wizard ex-boyfriend, I'll have to contend with the forces of Hades that are hot on my tail. I've been given a second chance at life. Now to make sure I don't die before I can actually enjoy it.
Audio CD
First published July 29, 2021
27 people are currently reading
39 people want to read
About the author
Rick Gualtieri
89 books766 followersRick Gualtieri loves to write adventure, mayhem, and snarky dialogue. His bestselling Tome of Bill series combines all of this into a world of supernatural danger with hard-hitting action and plenty of sharp-tongued geeky humor.
Rick lives alone in a dark, evil place called New Jersey with only his wife, three kids, and countless pets to both keep him company and constantly plot against him. When he's not busy monkey-clicking out words, he can typically be found jealously guarding his collection of vintage Transformers from all who would seek to defile them.
Defilers beware!
Email: rickg.author@gmail.com
Facebook: facebook.com/RickGualtieriAuthor
Rick lives alone in a dark, evil place called New Jersey with only his wife, three kids, and countless pets to both keep him company and constantly plot against him. When he's not busy monkey-clicking out words, he can typically be found jealously guarding his collection of vintage Transformers from all who would seek to defile them.
Defilers beware!
Email: rickg.author@gmail.com
Facebook: facebook.com/RickGualtieriAuthor
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Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews
July 31, 2021
HALF-HEARTED HUNTER is the third installment of the False Icons series that is, itself, a spin off of the Tome of Bill franchise. It is a bit hard to get into onto its own and a lot of the in-jokes will fall flat if you're not a die-hard Rick Gualtieri fan but I find the series to be even more entertaining than the original one.
The premise is, simply put, Jessie Flores is the Chosen One and thoroughly screws it up to an almost titanic level. It might be literally titanic as she ends up working for Uranus halfway through. I feel the series has benefited from the aid of R.E. Carr and this helps provide a feminine perspective that some of his other books lack.
This book opens up with Jessie returning from the dead after things thoroughly went South during the first book. Part of what makes this story entertaining is that Jesse has really blundered her destiny and actually missed the apocalyptic confrontation between good and evil. You know, the one that was at the climax of the Bill books. However, she's gotten a second chance at life with her sorta-love interest Wyatt and comes back five years later to discover that her friend Gary has become King of the Wizards plus many other changes.
The best part of this book is definitely Jessie adjusting to losing so much of her past life. The Gary she left behind is no more and it's amusingly awkward to see her deal with the fact he's her equivalent of Uncle Ben or Gwen Stacy while no time at all has seemingly passed for herself. Her friends have mourned her and moved on so it's interesting to see how they react to her sudden and sometimes inconveinant resurrection.
There's also the authors' trademark ridiculousness with the fact that Jesse wields the minotaur battle-ax known as Moolnir and is now saddled with a baby minotaur ("minitaur") that thinks it's her mommy. It's such a ridiculous and humorous scenario that it is difficult to put into words. To contrast to the more traditional urban fantasy Tome of Bill, the False Icons series leans heavily on Greek Mythology with the gods of Olympus playing a big role in the story versus the relatively agnostic Bill stories. Well, more Roman mythology but you know what I'm saying.
I won't spoil the plot but Jessie's inability to abide by her oaths and the ridiculousness of the oaths in the first place continues to vex her. She's got numerous trials left to fulfill and the gods keep trying to apply more to her plate for the flimsiest of reasons. The fact she doesn't remember the past five years causes her to also frequently fall into further traps. You'll find yourself as confused as poor Jessie by the end of it.
I will say that it actually got a bit too wild there for me and I would have liked the authors to tone it down a bit in terms of craziness. I was more interested in, say, Jessie meeting with her father and telling him that she's alive than I was in resolving the bizarre switched heart story. I also wanted to hear more about how Jessie felt regarding Gary's transformation from zero to hero over the past five years too.
Still, I absolutely enjoyed this book and will continue reading it. Jessie remains a tremendously fun protagonist and her commitment to being a traditional hero makes her absolutely the worst person in the world to serve the Greek Gods. The action is good, Jessie's plans hilarious (like how to distract the Son of Zeus), and characters entertaining. I'd like to see her get one over the gods, though, because they're all jerks.
The premise is, simply put, Jessie Flores is the Chosen One and thoroughly screws it up to an almost titanic level. It might be literally titanic as she ends up working for Uranus halfway through. I feel the series has benefited from the aid of R.E. Carr and this helps provide a feminine perspective that some of his other books lack.
This book opens up with Jessie returning from the dead after things thoroughly went South during the first book. Part of what makes this story entertaining is that Jesse has really blundered her destiny and actually missed the apocalyptic confrontation between good and evil. You know, the one that was at the climax of the Bill books. However, she's gotten a second chance at life with her sorta-love interest Wyatt and comes back five years later to discover that her friend Gary has become King of the Wizards plus many other changes.
The best part of this book is definitely Jessie adjusting to losing so much of her past life. The Gary she left behind is no more and it's amusingly awkward to see her deal with the fact he's her equivalent of Uncle Ben or Gwen Stacy while no time at all has seemingly passed for herself. Her friends have mourned her and moved on so it's interesting to see how they react to her sudden and sometimes inconveinant resurrection.
There's also the authors' trademark ridiculousness with the fact that Jesse wields the minotaur battle-ax known as Moolnir and is now saddled with a baby minotaur ("minitaur") that thinks it's her mommy. It's such a ridiculous and humorous scenario that it is difficult to put into words. To contrast to the more traditional urban fantasy Tome of Bill, the False Icons series leans heavily on Greek Mythology with the gods of Olympus playing a big role in the story versus the relatively agnostic Bill stories. Well, more Roman mythology but you know what I'm saying.
I won't spoil the plot but Jessie's inability to abide by her oaths and the ridiculousness of the oaths in the first place continues to vex her. She's got numerous trials left to fulfill and the gods keep trying to apply more to her plate for the flimsiest of reasons. The fact she doesn't remember the past five years causes her to also frequently fall into further traps. You'll find yourself as confused as poor Jessie by the end of it.
I will say that it actually got a bit too wild there for me and I would have liked the authors to tone it down a bit in terms of craziness. I was more interested in, say, Jessie meeting with her father and telling him that she's alive than I was in resolving the bizarre switched heart story. I also wanted to hear more about how Jessie felt regarding Gary's transformation from zero to hero over the past five years too.
Still, I absolutely enjoyed this book and will continue reading it. Jessie remains a tremendously fun protagonist and her commitment to being a traditional hero makes her absolutely the worst person in the world to serve the Greek Gods. The action is good, Jessie's plans hilarious (like how to distract the Son of Zeus), and characters entertaining. I'd like to see her get one over the gods, though, because they're all jerks.
May 29, 2023
Hi. I’m Jessie Flores: False Icon, conqueror of Burp, and human otter…
Wowzers. Once again, a real triumph of just wackadoodle urban fantasy! I may seem to be repeating myself and maybe even repeating myself, too, but this chapter was very well-written and more than entertaining. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Rick Gualtieri remains a master at his craft and R.E.Carr has given us no reason to think she doesn't belong in the mix either! And whatever these two are/were/will be up to, the story-line just keeps getting more and more complex. I mean, just about the time I'm figuring out how the whole tethers thing works, something up and happens to them that throws the whole concept (at least in my head) out the proverbial dimensional window. I say that realizing what a great excuse tethers would be for any deity or even person ("I'm sorry honey: it wasn't me that forgot our anniversary, it was that useless tether of mine!").
I’d ended up five years into a future full of random insanity.
But it may be this complexity - and the whole "what happened in those missing five years" that we work through - that has me feeling that I'm very much I'm out of the whole Bill-verse … as well of course as the other realities in Mr. Gualtieri's catalogue. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying those books were by any stretch of the imagination simple or perhaps better said simplistic (please forward all other preferred synonyms to this address accordingly). But let's face it, you could pretty much keep up with Bill and crew without needing a guide along the way. With the "False Icon", I really regret not keeping a notebook off to the side from Day 1, Page 1, Book 1, Word 1, ad invomititum… as I can barely keep the Turdlings straight from the Plant People (exception: Mary Jane, giggle giggle pass out).
It was as if someone had replaced all my blood with pure cocaine, then shoved an electric wire up my behind.
Plus, the "he's your grandfather and also second cousin but maybe also your stepson" family situations are a little bit ouchie for the brain. Our definitely matured Gare-Bear - oops sorry, Prince Nerium (I need to double-check the spelling on that) - seems to have more connections throughout the realms than anyone! And goodness knows, there are more strange monster folks popping out of the woodwork (or sewers) than you can shake a variety of sharp yet magical weapons at (demigorgons? disco minotaurs? dumb frog fvcks who never forget?). Plus, I admit it: my Greek* (or Roman or Norse or…) mythology is very rusty… *noting Google keeps telling me these words that folks like Dis-One keep using with Jessie are in fact Icelandic… go figure and pass me another dollop of hákarl while you're at it (which apparently tastes the same way it sounds… háááááákarlllll oh gods I'm dying, hornk oh gods is that a fin?!?). So yeah, I think complex is a fair and rather accurate label for a series that still remains both fun to read and funny urban fantasy all at the same time! Um…
Well, well. I see the prodigal hero finally returns. It’s about damned time.
Having said all that - and basically also admitting to cutting WAAAAAY back on my alcohol consumption for the time-being which wasn't helping my concentration either - the "anything can happen and probably will" approach does have its moments for sure. The multitude of magnificent mysteries - none of which I intentionally will spoil here - drive the suspense out the roof, both figuratively and sometimes quite literally! Heck, even the presence of li'l Moe/James and Wyatt/not Wyatt/maybe Wyatt is just the strange blue-glowing icing on the pomegranate cake (how did the authors come up with that one, he smirked all smirky-like)! So absolutely, there just continues to be so much to love in this chapter. Heck, I never thought I'd enjoy having Aunt That's A Man's Name Dammit around so much but there I go! And cutting back on (but not eliminating he groaned) on both the "Holy Hannahs" (5) and "Holy ____ Batman!" (3) instances went a long way to placating some of my key annoyances from before! Note that I do not consider the "holy shit" (4) or even the c-word (didn't count 'em) mentions at all because, well, duh, that's how us normal folk talk!
At least we weren’t relaxing poolside at a luxury, multi-million-dollar mansion. Because what would be the fun in that?
So in conclusion which isn't since I still have the newly (+/-) Book 4 waiting on me, this is great reading! Yes, I do think folks like me that have just adored and worshipped the seriesesses that have come before (and will hopefully also have many more chapters to come he mumbled just loud enough to be heard throughout the auditorium) will be a bit stunned. But trust me (riiiiiight): if you just keep plugging along, you're gonna have fun and you're going to barely be able to wait to see what happens next, especially after those last few paragraphs or so. Will it be something you either expect or feel totally comfortable with? Doubtful. But I just can't wait to get off my Uranus and find out! See y'all soon!
Wowzers. Once again, a real triumph of just wackadoodle urban fantasy! I may seem to be repeating myself and maybe even repeating myself, too, but this chapter was very well-written and more than entertaining. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Rick Gualtieri remains a master at his craft and R.E.Carr has given us no reason to think she doesn't belong in the mix either! And whatever these two are/were/will be up to, the story-line just keeps getting more and more complex. I mean, just about the time I'm figuring out how the whole tethers thing works, something up and happens to them that throws the whole concept (at least in my head) out the proverbial dimensional window. I say that realizing what a great excuse tethers would be for any deity or even person ("I'm sorry honey: it wasn't me that forgot our anniversary, it was that useless tether of mine!").
I’d ended up five years into a future full of random insanity.
But it may be this complexity - and the whole "what happened in those missing five years" that we work through - that has me feeling that I'm very much I'm out of the whole Bill-verse … as well of course as the other realities in Mr. Gualtieri's catalogue. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying those books were by any stretch of the imagination simple or perhaps better said simplistic (please forward all other preferred synonyms to this address accordingly). But let's face it, you could pretty much keep up with Bill and crew without needing a guide along the way. With the "False Icon", I really regret not keeping a notebook off to the side from Day 1, Page 1, Book 1, Word 1, ad invomititum… as I can barely keep the Turdlings straight from the Plant People (exception: Mary Jane, giggle giggle pass out).
It was as if someone had replaced all my blood with pure cocaine, then shoved an electric wire up my behind.
Plus, the "he's your grandfather and also second cousin but maybe also your stepson" family situations are a little bit ouchie for the brain. Our definitely matured Gare-Bear - oops sorry, Prince Nerium (I need to double-check the spelling on that) - seems to have more connections throughout the realms than anyone! And goodness knows, there are more strange monster folks popping out of the woodwork (or sewers) than you can shake a variety of sharp yet magical weapons at (demigorgons? disco minotaurs? dumb frog fvcks who never forget?). Plus, I admit it: my Greek* (or Roman or Norse or…) mythology is very rusty… *noting Google keeps telling me these words that folks like Dis-One keep using with Jessie are in fact Icelandic… go figure and pass me another dollop of hákarl while you're at it (which apparently tastes the same way it sounds… háááááákarlllll oh gods I'm dying, hornk oh gods is that a fin?!?). So yeah, I think complex is a fair and rather accurate label for a series that still remains both fun to read and funny urban fantasy all at the same time! Um…
Well, well. I see the prodigal hero finally returns. It’s about damned time.
Having said all that - and basically also admitting to cutting WAAAAAY back on my alcohol consumption for the time-being which wasn't helping my concentration either - the "anything can happen and probably will" approach does have its moments for sure. The multitude of magnificent mysteries - none of which I intentionally will spoil here - drive the suspense out the roof, both figuratively and sometimes quite literally! Heck, even the presence of li'l Moe/James and Wyatt/not Wyatt/maybe Wyatt is just the strange blue-glowing icing on the pomegranate cake (how did the authors come up with that one, he smirked all smirky-like)! So absolutely, there just continues to be so much to love in this chapter. Heck, I never thought I'd enjoy having Aunt That's A Man's Name Dammit around so much but there I go! And cutting back on (but not eliminating he groaned) on both the "Holy Hannahs" (5) and "Holy ____ Batman!" (3) instances went a long way to placating some of my key annoyances from before! Note that I do not consider the "holy shit" (4) or even the c-word (didn't count 'em) mentions at all because, well, duh, that's how us normal folk talk!
At least we weren’t relaxing poolside at a luxury, multi-million-dollar mansion. Because what would be the fun in that?
So in conclusion which isn't since I still have the newly (+/-) Book 4 waiting on me, this is great reading! Yes, I do think folks like me that have just adored and worshipped the seriesesses that have come before (and will hopefully also have many more chapters to come he mumbled just loud enough to be heard throughout the auditorium) will be a bit stunned. But trust me (riiiiiight): if you just keep plugging along, you're gonna have fun and you're going to barely be able to wait to see what happens next, especially after those last few paragraphs or so. Will it be something you either expect or feel totally comfortable with? Doubtful. But I just can't wait to get off my Uranus and find out! See y'all soon!
September 27, 2021
More please!
How the authors manage to create such a huge and compelling cast of characters through the two series is impressive. I love Gary and Jesse and Wyatt. Just as much as I love Bill, Sally, and Ed. I can’t wait for the two series to meet up more often. Thank you for the laughs/groans, and adventure!
How the authors manage to create such a huge and compelling cast of characters through the two series is impressive. I love Gary and Jesse and Wyatt. Just as much as I love Bill, Sally, and Ed. I can’t wait for the two series to meet up more often. Thank you for the laughs/groans, and adventure!
June 12, 2023
R.E. Carr and that other guy do a great job weaving a tale that sucks you in and keeps you reading. One word of warning, make sure that you read their reading order at the start of the book so you aren't confused like I was. ;) This is an amazing read. Seeing the effects of the final actions from wannabe wizard and how they influence what's yet to come.
January 31, 2025
This is the 3rd book int he False Icons series, and I think it might have been my favorite so far (and I'm enjoying the series!). I do recommend the series. It SORT OF starts as YA, because she's in high school when it begins, but she's been aged up in this series and it's given it a more adult feel. I approve.
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews