What do you think?
Rate this book
How We Heal: Uncover Your Power and Set Yourself Free
Beloved wellness author and teacher Alexandra Elle shares this practical and empowering guide to self-healing.
In How We Heal, bestselling author Alexandra Elle offers a life-changing invitation to heal yourself and reclaim your peace. In these pages, readers will discover essential techniques for self-healing, including journaling rituals to cultivate innate strength, accessible tools for processing difficult emotions, and restorative meditations to ease the mind.
Alex Elle elegantly weaves together themes like self-healing, mindfulness, inner child work, and boundary setting and presents the reader with easy-to-follow practices that have changed her life and the lives of the thousands of people she has taught. Her 5-part framework for healing will appeal to anyone who wants a clear process, while the compelling personal stories leave the reader feeling connected and ready to begin again.
Complementing the practices are powerful insights from Alex Elle's own journey of self-discovery using writing to heal, plus remarkable stories of healing from a range of luminary voices, including Nedra Tawwab, Morgan Harper Nichols, Dr. Thema Bryant, Barb Schmidt, and many more.
Brimming with encouragement and delivered with Alex Elle's signature warmth and candor, How We Heal is a must-have companion for anyone that wants to unlock their inner wisdom and confidence to heal on their own.
Perfect for:
Anyone suffering from anxiety, stress or emotional overwhelm
Readers looking to deeply engage in a personal writing practice that supports healing and self-care, both individually and in community
Fans of Alex Elle and people who bought AFTER THE RAIN or IN COURAGE JOURNAL
BIPOC women looking for books that center BIPOC experiences in a category dominated by white voices
Fans of the Holistic Psychologist, Cleo Wade, Lalah Delia, or the Nap Ministry
In How We Heal, bestselling author Alexandra Elle offers a life-changing invitation to heal yourself and reclaim your peace. In these pages, readers will discover essential techniques for self-healing, including journaling rituals to cultivate innate strength, accessible tools for processing difficult emotions, and restorative meditations to ease the mind.
Alex Elle elegantly weaves together themes like self-healing, mindfulness, inner child work, and boundary setting and presents the reader with easy-to-follow practices that have changed her life and the lives of the thousands of people she has taught. Her 5-part framework for healing will appeal to anyone who wants a clear process, while the compelling personal stories leave the reader feeling connected and ready to begin again.
Complementing the practices are powerful insights from Alex Elle's own journey of self-discovery using writing to heal, plus remarkable stories of healing from a range of luminary voices, including Nedra Tawwab, Morgan Harper Nichols, Dr. Thema Bryant, Barb Schmidt, and many more.
Brimming with encouragement and delivered with Alex Elle's signature warmth and candor, How We Heal is a must-have companion for anyone that wants to unlock their inner wisdom and confidence to heal on their own.
Perfect for:
Anyone suffering from anxiety, stress or emotional overwhelm
Readers looking to deeply engage in a personal writing practice that supports healing and self-care, both individually and in community
Fans of Alex Elle and people who bought AFTER THE RAIN or IN COURAGE JOURNAL
BIPOC women looking for books that center BIPOC experiences in a category dominated by white voices
Fans of the Holistic Psychologist, Cleo Wade, Lalah Delia, or the Nap Ministry
206 pages, Kindle Edition
Published November 8, 2022
764 people are currently reading
7483 people want to read
About the author
Alexandra Elle
25 books1,023 followersAlexandra Elle is a writer and creative living in the Washington, DC metro area with her husband and daughter. In her pre-teen years, writing came into her life by way of therapy and the exploration of healing. Many years later, Alex's voice and words are being shared poetically in the form of self-love and self-care. Her passion for storytelling, poetry, and narrative writing are infused with life lessons, self-celebration, and building community through reading, writing, and language.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 109 reviews
December 31, 2022
I appreciated the interviews with different people…
Healing isn’t linear, and the concept of healing is very philosophical.
As someone who has had severe OCD for my most of my life, the advice of interrogating and diving into your anxiety/thoughts is not always helpful.
Sometimes, with a sticky brain, distracting myself from my thoughts IS actually healing.
Whereas for others, distracting themselves is self-destructive.
So it is important to remember that healing will look different for everyone.
Pacing, and healing techniques will look very different.
Glennon Doyle, for example, no longer believes that writing a book is keeping her grounded. She no longer feels that she wants to write about her family.
Whereas for me, sometimes writing a book (in progress) is the only thing that grounds me. Sometimes all I want to do is write about my family.
Healing isn’t linear, and the concept of healing is very philosophical.
As someone who has had severe OCD for my most of my life, the advice of interrogating and diving into your anxiety/thoughts is not always helpful.
Sometimes, with a sticky brain, distracting myself from my thoughts IS actually healing.
Whereas for others, distracting themselves is self-destructive.
So it is important to remember that healing will look different for everyone.
Pacing, and healing techniques will look very different.
Glennon Doyle, for example, no longer believes that writing a book is keeping her grounded. She no longer feels that she wants to write about her family.
Whereas for me, sometimes writing a book (in progress) is the only thing that grounds me. Sometimes all I want to do is write about my family.
October 31, 2022
I have always loved and followed Alexandra Elle so getting this book was a dream. come true. It was a relatable book on healing and the beauty about this book was that it was a book that connected with parts of me that needed to heal. Whether you are healing from grief, trauma ,job loss or divorce then this book is for you, The book also was interactive and it activated my love of journaling, Another thing that made me love the book was that it showed that healing is linear through contributions by Morgan harper Nichols, Tabitha Brown and Nedra , I highly recommend this gem .
I received a complimentary copy from the publisher and all opinions expressed are entirely my own
I received a complimentary copy from the publisher and all opinions expressed are entirely my own
September 9, 2023
Excellent and heavily highlighted. I am still working through the journal prompts and will be for a while. I will be revisiting this book.
April 10, 2023
Unless you are from a first-world country, (US, Canada, Northern and Central Europe, Japan, Australia, New Zealand, South Africa), this book will most likely disappoint you as you know first hand what hard times are like and you're clearly not on the same page with the author; Unfortunately, not everyone has the privilege (or/and the finances) to take some time for themselves, to check themselves into a clinic in Italy for sometime, to sit around and reflect upon themselves, to afford counseling (in some countries this doesn't even exist). Using manifesting to describe previledge is something that I really hate and this is what the one star is for. Before you come at me, let me tell you I've also been struggling with E.D., multiple chronic health conditions and I'm a single mom without a partner involved, I've therefore, been there. Bringing excuses and blaming people for causing an eating disorder (Spoiler - a close relative who is struggling with drug addiction, a random person who commented on weight fluctuations) is, in my humble opinion, one of the least efficient ways to approach this problem. Moreover, I feel that "trauma" as a term, was abused in this book. Some people just need to have thicker skin, to realize that not the entire world is after them.
.
Quotes; "healing is slow", "we heal to redefine ourselves and our narratives", "take actions, set boundaries", "create new possibilities and move forward". This would've been inspirational and revolutionary in a book published in the 90's, 00's, 2010's. A decade later, these ideas can be found in most self-help, self-care, self-awareness books and everywhere on instagram. This is no longer original, the terms are so general that I felt this book didn't add any value to the world, didn't tell us stuff we hadn't heard.
.
Finally, I felt like the writer wanted to share her story more as a public diary to gain recognition, that she wasn't here to inspire and build and impact (which is something she is beyond capable of doing as she is a well known influencer, posting content that will move you on Instagram -- the information there comes effortlessly, itcomes from the heart). I'm, by no means, telling you not to read this book, this is only my opinion as a reader, a global citizen and a mom.
.
Quotes; "healing is slow", "we heal to redefine ourselves and our narratives", "take actions, set boundaries", "create new possibilities and move forward". This would've been inspirational and revolutionary in a book published in the 90's, 00's, 2010's. A decade later, these ideas can be found in most self-help, self-care, self-awareness books and everywhere on instagram. This is no longer original, the terms are so general that I felt this book didn't add any value to the world, didn't tell us stuff we hadn't heard.
.
Finally, I felt like the writer wanted to share her story more as a public diary to gain recognition, that she wasn't here to inspire and build and impact (which is something she is beyond capable of doing as she is a well known influencer, posting content that will move you on Instagram -- the information there comes effortlessly, itcomes from the heart). I'm, by no means, telling you not to read this book, this is only my opinion as a reader, a global citizen and a mom.
December 31, 2024
Journal prompts for a year of healing. Unfortunately healing isn’t linear, but this was a very helpful project after my divorce was finalized last year.
May 29, 2023
This was a pick from a member of my book club and I felt obligated to give it a chance and finish it. The book was visually appealing and beautiful to hold. I like Alex Elle as an Instagram wellness influencer however, this book was just not it for me. There wasn’t anything new or profound in this book that resonated with me. It was a collection of quotes and stories from other Instagram wellness influencers answering the same set of Qs about who they are, what influenced their healing journey, and how they heal currently - it felt repetitive. The journal exercises felt basic. If I considered it from the lens of being a therapist I could see how these stories and exercises could be helpful for clients who are at the beginning of their healing journey and looking for ideas of what to journal about or where to start. I wouldn’t recommend the book to anyone as there are other self-help/journal prompt type books that are more impactful than this one. Maybe at another point in life I might feel differently about this book - at this point in my life and in my healing journey I felt like I could have done without reading it.
April 20, 2023
Learn strategies to heal, foster self-love, and uncover your own inner power.
As Alexandra Elle sat down to write her book, her pulse quickened and her palms started to sweat. Anxiety started to take over as negativity and self-doubt slowly crept in. “Why is this happening?” she asked herself.
After all, she’d taught thousands of people how to incorporate writing into their self-healing practice, led countless self-care workshops, and helped clients from all walks of life begin their healing journeys. She was certainly qualified, so why did she suddenly feel like an imposter?
At that moment she discovered a very important truth – the stories we tell ourselves are powerful enough to control who we believe we are.
Healing is about releasing these false narratives and letting go of what no longer serves you. It allows you to finally show up for yourself and get in touch with who you are meant to be. The process isn’t always easy, but it will set you free.
In this book by Alexandra Elle’s How We Heal you’ll discover the most important messages from Elle’s four-step framework, access strategies to help you on your journey of self-healing, and learn how to incorporate them into your own healing practice. We’ll end each section with a journaling exercise that’ll help you expand on these ideas.
By the time you’re finished, you’ll be equipped with a new set of tools and the right mindset to cultivate self-love, heal your wounded inner child, and rediscover your own inner power. So let’s get started.
---
Step one: conquer your self-doubt and learn to start over.
In the wellness community, healing is often described as the end goal. We’re made to believe that if we can just discover what’s causing us pain and deal with it, everything will be fine.
The truth is that healing is a journey that never really ends. There may be times when you think you’ve made monumental progress, only to have a trigger send you right back to square one. Sometimes you have to start from scratch – and that’s okay.
Having to start a healing journey over doesn’t make you weak – it just means that you’re a human being who’s in touch with your own emotional well-being. In situations where you feel like you’re backtracking, it takes immense courage, commitment, and passion to keep going.
The great thing about starting over is that you get to keep the lessons you’ve learned along the way – that is, if you pay attention to them. When you acknowledge the work you’ve already done, you can use these skills to come back even better than you were before.
When trying to heal, there’ll be many moments when self-doubt and fear will threaten the progress you’ve made. But running from what scares you won’t make it go away. You have to be brave enough to face your issues head-on and come out stronger on the other side.
One of the most important elements required for true healing is self-forgiveness. Hating yourself isn’t going to get you anywhere. You need to be able to forgive yourself for what’s happened in the past, as you face the present and look toward a brighter future.
Unfortunately, forgiving yourself isn’t always easy. It’s a truly complicated process – especially when you feel that you’ve hurt people or let them down. What you need to understand is that human beings are inherently flawed. As you unpack trauma from your past, you should avoid blaming yourself for things you can’t change.
When you stop avoiding the issues that feel too difficult to face, you can begin to show up in new ways and start building the life that you truly want. Forgiving yourself creates the space to expand emotionally and become a compassionate person who can heal your past, present, and future.
For the first journaling exercise, you're going to write a letter to yourself. Think back over any moments in your life when you’ve felt embarrassed, ashamed, or inadequate.
Maybe you made a mistake or chose poorly. Maybe you were the victim of mistreatment and blame yourself for the abuse. Dig deep and be vulnerable. Don’t try to escape any feelings that rise to the surface – let them come.
Once you’ve put these thoughts down on paper, give yourself the grace and understanding that you deserve. Forgive yourself for what you believe you’ve done wrong and give yourself permission to let it go. Finish the letter by promising to forgive and love every part of yourself – no matter what.
---
Step two: befriend fear and acknowledge your pain.
As you continue on into the deeper layers of our self-healing, it becomes increasingly important to learn how to reframe thoughts surrounding fear and pain. Everyone gets so caught up in the things they’re afraid to face that they often forget to exercise self-compassion and understanding.
To move forward, you have to face your fear, sadness, and pain without judgment. It’s entirely possible to hold yourself accountable without allowing feelings of contempt to cloud the process.
The first step is to identify what you’re truly afraid of. Then you can learn to befriend those fears so they’re no longer in control. This may be an uncomfortable path full of trial and error, but it’s the only way to truly embrace transformation and find freedom in your self-healing.
Healing isn’t the same for everyone, so don’t get caught up in doing things “the right way.” Society likes to present the idea that everyone should know who they are and where their life is going at all times. This can lead people to feel lost and disoriented if they haven’t dealt with what's really bothering them.
Some people may even find that healing their trauma is more painful than the events that caused it. It may seem easier to just ignore the broken parts, but this won’t do any good in the long run. When you commit to your healing journey, you agree to push through the hard things so that you can someday find peace.
You also need to be able to balance this process with positive self-talk. Speaking positively to yourself is crucial for cultivating patience and creating positive changes in your behavior. Remember, the most important time to be kind to yourself is when you’re at your lowest.
Positive affirmations can also be a helpful tool throughout this journey. Self-affirmation invites you to look inward and reclaim your voice. But it’s important to remember that speaking affirmations is only the first part of bringing them to life. Without action, they’re only words.
As you move toward more positive ways of thinking, remember that you’ll also need to put in the work to see your manifestations through. Affirmations combined with action can change your life in amazing ways and put you on the right path.
For the next writing exercise, we’re going to create what Elle calls “Self-Love Stepping Stones.” These are small actions you can take to become the best version of yourself throughout the process of healing.
Put the phrase “Stepping Stones'' in the center of a blank page and surround it with a circle. Fill in the points along the circle with the steps you want to take to create love and understanding for yourself. Some examples could be “honoring personal boundaries” or “forgiving past mistakes.”
If at any time during your healing you find yourself struggling, come back to these steps and take a moment to remember why they’re so important to you.
---
Step three: rewrite your story and reclaim your power.
When it comes to healing, we’re often taught to look outside of ourselves for solutions to our problems. Whether it’s religion, therapy, or even meditation, it’s suggested that we look anywhere but inward for all the answers.
The truth is that while external support is important, it’s only one piece of the puzzle. Ultimately, the only person who can heal you is you. You have to be the one to set yourself free. After you’ve learned to face your fears and forgive yourself, the next step is to reclaim your power by rewriting your own story.
To uncover your true voice, you need to find the internal answers to all of your what, why, and how questions. In other words, ask yourself what’s hurting you, why it’s hurting you, and how you want these feelings to change.
Examining your story can sometimes be difficult and messy, but it’s essential for true healing. Again, you have to let go of what you don’t need in order to move forward. One of the most important aspects of this practice is creating a dialogue to nurture your wounded inner child.
Many of the harmful behaviors that cause adults pain are the result of what we learned as children. We’re often conditioned early to carry the burdens of the people around us. Creating a safe space to connect with our inner child allows us to sort out the emotions that belong to us and those that don’t.
While it can sometimes be hard to communicate positively with yourself as an adult, you might find it easier to speak kindly to your younger self. You may even be able to act as a mentor or guardian for them.
Imagine all of the things that you truly needed as a child and finally give them to yourself. Let your inner child feel all of the emotions they’ve been holding onto and help them process these feelings in a healthy way. Engaging with your inner child is a great way to help you regain your power and find your voice as an adult.
You may feel some degree of separation from the child inside you at first. But as you begin to show love, comfort, and care for them, you’ll realize that your younger self is part of your story. You’re one and the same.
Now It’s time to use your journal to rediscover your own story. This writing exercise is designed to help you to better understand your emotional wants and needs as a child. At the top of a blank page, write the phrase “My Younger Self.” Next, make a t-chart with the words “Wanted” and “Needed” on either side.
Alternating between sections, write down all the words that come to mind. Once you have your list of words, set a timer for two minutes and write freely about anything that comes to the surface. Write whatever calls to you – there’s no right or wrong way to put these feelings down on paper.
---
Step four: embrace gratitude and welcome joy.
During deep, emotional healing work you need to come up for air and rest. People who’re working through trauma are often so eager to escape their pain that they want to speed through the process. This may be easier in the short term, but it’s not sustainable.
Rest gives you a much-needed opportunity to recharge so that you have the strength to keep going. If you break a bone or cut yourself, you have to rest physically to allow the body time to heal itself. The same goes for your mental health and emotional well-being.
A very common misconception is that if someone is in the process of healing, they must be hurt, sad, or suffering in some way. The truth is that healing is never linear. It’s complicated and fluid – ebbing and flowing at different points in everyone’s own individual journey.
Experiencing joy while you heal isn’t only possible, it’s vital to success. As you do your emotional work, give yourself permission to move toward the light and put down the heavy weight you’ve been carrying for so long.
One of the easiest ways to create joy in your life is to practice embracing gratitude. Each time we express gratitude for your life – especially in times of suffering – you discover how to handle the bad days a little bit better.
It might seem strange to be thankful for your struggles, but without them, you wouldn’t be able to recognize joy. As is taught in Buddhism, there’s no joy without pain. The trials and tribulations of life are the very things that teach you how to become a resilient, well-rounded human being.
Before you can begin to truly embrace gratitude, it’s important to understand what this really means. Being grateful doesn’t just involve making a list of the good things in your life. Instead, it’s about making space in your heart and mind to appreciate the mundane.
When you feel you’re at your lowest, remind yourself to be grateful for the little things. Did you have the energy to get out of bed this morning? Were you able to take a walk in the fresh air or eat a meal that nourished your body? Yes, it sounds corny, but every breath you take is a gift.
For your last writing practice, you’re going to be celebrating joy itself. In your journal, write down three memories that bring you feelings of joy and happiness. As you write, try to be as detailed as you can. Who were you with? What were you doing? What did this moment feel like? What could you do to recapture that feeling today?
You can return to this practice any time you need to. When things get difficult, pull out your journal and relive these moments. Even if you feel hopeless, remember that it’s always possible to feel joyful again. Allow this happiness to fill you up and give you the little push you need to keep going.
---
Healing is a journey that never truly ends. Though the process is unique, complex, and a bit messy, it’s the only way to become the person you are meant to be.
There may be times when self-doubt and fear will make you feel like you have to start over from scratch and that’s perfectly fine. As long as you learn to face your challenges and befriend your fears, you can take your power back.
By rewriting your own story, you can heal both the person you once were and the person you’ve become. Along the way, it’s important to make space for joy and express gratitude for the life you’ve been given.
Remember, you’re not alone – everyone is a work in progress. The journey of self-healing will have its ups and downs, but you absolutely can heal and become whole again. Just take it day by day, be patient, and always be kind to yourself.
As Alexandra Elle sat down to write her book, her pulse quickened and her palms started to sweat. Anxiety started to take over as negativity and self-doubt slowly crept in. “Why is this happening?” she asked herself.
After all, she’d taught thousands of people how to incorporate writing into their self-healing practice, led countless self-care workshops, and helped clients from all walks of life begin their healing journeys. She was certainly qualified, so why did she suddenly feel like an imposter?
At that moment she discovered a very important truth – the stories we tell ourselves are powerful enough to control who we believe we are.
Healing is about releasing these false narratives and letting go of what no longer serves you. It allows you to finally show up for yourself and get in touch with who you are meant to be. The process isn’t always easy, but it will set you free.
In this book by Alexandra Elle’s How We Heal you’ll discover the most important messages from Elle’s four-step framework, access strategies to help you on your journey of self-healing, and learn how to incorporate them into your own healing practice. We’ll end each section with a journaling exercise that’ll help you expand on these ideas.
By the time you’re finished, you’ll be equipped with a new set of tools and the right mindset to cultivate self-love, heal your wounded inner child, and rediscover your own inner power. So let’s get started.
---
Step one: conquer your self-doubt and learn to start over.
In the wellness community, healing is often described as the end goal. We’re made to believe that if we can just discover what’s causing us pain and deal with it, everything will be fine.
The truth is that healing is a journey that never really ends. There may be times when you think you’ve made monumental progress, only to have a trigger send you right back to square one. Sometimes you have to start from scratch – and that’s okay.
Having to start a healing journey over doesn’t make you weak – it just means that you’re a human being who’s in touch with your own emotional well-being. In situations where you feel like you’re backtracking, it takes immense courage, commitment, and passion to keep going.
The great thing about starting over is that you get to keep the lessons you’ve learned along the way – that is, if you pay attention to them. When you acknowledge the work you’ve already done, you can use these skills to come back even better than you were before.
When trying to heal, there’ll be many moments when self-doubt and fear will threaten the progress you’ve made. But running from what scares you won’t make it go away. You have to be brave enough to face your issues head-on and come out stronger on the other side.
One of the most important elements required for true healing is self-forgiveness. Hating yourself isn’t going to get you anywhere. You need to be able to forgive yourself for what’s happened in the past, as you face the present and look toward a brighter future.
Unfortunately, forgiving yourself isn’t always easy. It’s a truly complicated process – especially when you feel that you’ve hurt people or let them down. What you need to understand is that human beings are inherently flawed. As you unpack trauma from your past, you should avoid blaming yourself for things you can’t change.
When you stop avoiding the issues that feel too difficult to face, you can begin to show up in new ways and start building the life that you truly want. Forgiving yourself creates the space to expand emotionally and become a compassionate person who can heal your past, present, and future.
For the first journaling exercise, you're going to write a letter to yourself. Think back over any moments in your life when you’ve felt embarrassed, ashamed, or inadequate.
Maybe you made a mistake or chose poorly. Maybe you were the victim of mistreatment and blame yourself for the abuse. Dig deep and be vulnerable. Don’t try to escape any feelings that rise to the surface – let them come.
Once you’ve put these thoughts down on paper, give yourself the grace and understanding that you deserve. Forgive yourself for what you believe you’ve done wrong and give yourself permission to let it go. Finish the letter by promising to forgive and love every part of yourself – no matter what.
---
Step two: befriend fear and acknowledge your pain.
As you continue on into the deeper layers of our self-healing, it becomes increasingly important to learn how to reframe thoughts surrounding fear and pain. Everyone gets so caught up in the things they’re afraid to face that they often forget to exercise self-compassion and understanding.
To move forward, you have to face your fear, sadness, and pain without judgment. It’s entirely possible to hold yourself accountable without allowing feelings of contempt to cloud the process.
The first step is to identify what you’re truly afraid of. Then you can learn to befriend those fears so they’re no longer in control. This may be an uncomfortable path full of trial and error, but it’s the only way to truly embrace transformation and find freedom in your self-healing.
Healing isn’t the same for everyone, so don’t get caught up in doing things “the right way.” Society likes to present the idea that everyone should know who they are and where their life is going at all times. This can lead people to feel lost and disoriented if they haven’t dealt with what's really bothering them.
Some people may even find that healing their trauma is more painful than the events that caused it. It may seem easier to just ignore the broken parts, but this won’t do any good in the long run. When you commit to your healing journey, you agree to push through the hard things so that you can someday find peace.
You also need to be able to balance this process with positive self-talk. Speaking positively to yourself is crucial for cultivating patience and creating positive changes in your behavior. Remember, the most important time to be kind to yourself is when you’re at your lowest.
Positive affirmations can also be a helpful tool throughout this journey. Self-affirmation invites you to look inward and reclaim your voice. But it’s important to remember that speaking affirmations is only the first part of bringing them to life. Without action, they’re only words.
As you move toward more positive ways of thinking, remember that you’ll also need to put in the work to see your manifestations through. Affirmations combined with action can change your life in amazing ways and put you on the right path.
For the next writing exercise, we’re going to create what Elle calls “Self-Love Stepping Stones.” These are small actions you can take to become the best version of yourself throughout the process of healing.
Put the phrase “Stepping Stones'' in the center of a blank page and surround it with a circle. Fill in the points along the circle with the steps you want to take to create love and understanding for yourself. Some examples could be “honoring personal boundaries” or “forgiving past mistakes.”
If at any time during your healing you find yourself struggling, come back to these steps and take a moment to remember why they’re so important to you.
---
Step three: rewrite your story and reclaim your power.
When it comes to healing, we’re often taught to look outside of ourselves for solutions to our problems. Whether it’s religion, therapy, or even meditation, it’s suggested that we look anywhere but inward for all the answers.
The truth is that while external support is important, it’s only one piece of the puzzle. Ultimately, the only person who can heal you is you. You have to be the one to set yourself free. After you’ve learned to face your fears and forgive yourself, the next step is to reclaim your power by rewriting your own story.
To uncover your true voice, you need to find the internal answers to all of your what, why, and how questions. In other words, ask yourself what’s hurting you, why it’s hurting you, and how you want these feelings to change.
Examining your story can sometimes be difficult and messy, but it’s essential for true healing. Again, you have to let go of what you don’t need in order to move forward. One of the most important aspects of this practice is creating a dialogue to nurture your wounded inner child.
Many of the harmful behaviors that cause adults pain are the result of what we learned as children. We’re often conditioned early to carry the burdens of the people around us. Creating a safe space to connect with our inner child allows us to sort out the emotions that belong to us and those that don’t.
While it can sometimes be hard to communicate positively with yourself as an adult, you might find it easier to speak kindly to your younger self. You may even be able to act as a mentor or guardian for them.
Imagine all of the things that you truly needed as a child and finally give them to yourself. Let your inner child feel all of the emotions they’ve been holding onto and help them process these feelings in a healthy way. Engaging with your inner child is a great way to help you regain your power and find your voice as an adult.
You may feel some degree of separation from the child inside you at first. But as you begin to show love, comfort, and care for them, you’ll realize that your younger self is part of your story. You’re one and the same.
Now It’s time to use your journal to rediscover your own story. This writing exercise is designed to help you to better understand your emotional wants and needs as a child. At the top of a blank page, write the phrase “My Younger Self.” Next, make a t-chart with the words “Wanted” and “Needed” on either side.
Alternating between sections, write down all the words that come to mind. Once you have your list of words, set a timer for two minutes and write freely about anything that comes to the surface. Write whatever calls to you – there’s no right or wrong way to put these feelings down on paper.
---
Step four: embrace gratitude and welcome joy.
During deep, emotional healing work you need to come up for air and rest. People who’re working through trauma are often so eager to escape their pain that they want to speed through the process. This may be easier in the short term, but it’s not sustainable.
Rest gives you a much-needed opportunity to recharge so that you have the strength to keep going. If you break a bone or cut yourself, you have to rest physically to allow the body time to heal itself. The same goes for your mental health and emotional well-being.
A very common misconception is that if someone is in the process of healing, they must be hurt, sad, or suffering in some way. The truth is that healing is never linear. It’s complicated and fluid – ebbing and flowing at different points in everyone’s own individual journey.
Experiencing joy while you heal isn’t only possible, it’s vital to success. As you do your emotional work, give yourself permission to move toward the light and put down the heavy weight you’ve been carrying for so long.
One of the easiest ways to create joy in your life is to practice embracing gratitude. Each time we express gratitude for your life – especially in times of suffering – you discover how to handle the bad days a little bit better.
It might seem strange to be thankful for your struggles, but without them, you wouldn’t be able to recognize joy. As is taught in Buddhism, there’s no joy without pain. The trials and tribulations of life are the very things that teach you how to become a resilient, well-rounded human being.
Before you can begin to truly embrace gratitude, it’s important to understand what this really means. Being grateful doesn’t just involve making a list of the good things in your life. Instead, it’s about making space in your heart and mind to appreciate the mundane.
When you feel you’re at your lowest, remind yourself to be grateful for the little things. Did you have the energy to get out of bed this morning? Were you able to take a walk in the fresh air or eat a meal that nourished your body? Yes, it sounds corny, but every breath you take is a gift.
For your last writing practice, you’re going to be celebrating joy itself. In your journal, write down three memories that bring you feelings of joy and happiness. As you write, try to be as detailed as you can. Who were you with? What were you doing? What did this moment feel like? What could you do to recapture that feeling today?
You can return to this practice any time you need to. When things get difficult, pull out your journal and relive these moments. Even if you feel hopeless, remember that it’s always possible to feel joyful again. Allow this happiness to fill you up and give you the little push you need to keep going.
---
Healing is a journey that never truly ends. Though the process is unique, complex, and a bit messy, it’s the only way to become the person you are meant to be.
There may be times when self-doubt and fear will make you feel like you have to start over from scratch and that’s perfectly fine. As long as you learn to face your challenges and befriend your fears, you can take your power back.
By rewriting your own story, you can heal both the person you once were and the person you’ve become. Along the way, it’s important to make space for joy and express gratitude for the life you’ve been given.
Remember, you’re not alone – everyone is a work in progress. The journey of self-healing will have its ups and downs, but you absolutely can heal and become whole again. Just take it day by day, be patient, and always be kind to yourself.
March 1, 2023
Alexandra Elle is a renowned author, poet, and wellness consultant. Her book, "How We Heal," is a heartfelt and inspiring work that offers readers a profound insight into the process of healing.
Throughout the book, Elle shares her personal experiences with trauma and her journey towards healing. She writes with honesty and vulnerability, making the reader feel as though they are having a conversation with a close friend. The book is divided into short chapters, each containing a different lesson or insight, making it an easy and enjoyable read.
One of the strengths of "How We Heal" is that it is not prescriptive. Elle does not offer a one-size-fits-all solution to healing, but rather encourages readers to find what works for them. She shares different tools and techniques that have helped her along the way, such as therapy, meditation, and mindfulness practices.
Elle's writing is both poetic and practical, making it accessible to a wide audience. Her words are empowering and offer a sense of hope to those who may be struggling with their own healing journey.
In conclusion, "How We Heal" is a remarkable book that will resonate with anyone who has experienced trauma and is looking for guidance on their healing journey. Alexandra Elle's writing is both powerful and compassionate, making this book a must-read for anyone interested in personal growth and wellness.
Thanks to netgalley for the ARC!
Throughout the book, Elle shares her personal experiences with trauma and her journey towards healing. She writes with honesty and vulnerability, making the reader feel as though they are having a conversation with a close friend. The book is divided into short chapters, each containing a different lesson or insight, making it an easy and enjoyable read.
One of the strengths of "How We Heal" is that it is not prescriptive. Elle does not offer a one-size-fits-all solution to healing, but rather encourages readers to find what works for them. She shares different tools and techniques that have helped her along the way, such as therapy, meditation, and mindfulness practices.
Elle's writing is both poetic and practical, making it accessible to a wide audience. Her words are empowering and offer a sense of hope to those who may be struggling with their own healing journey.
In conclusion, "How We Heal" is a remarkable book that will resonate with anyone who has experienced trauma and is looking for guidance on their healing journey. Alexandra Elle's writing is both powerful and compassionate, making this book a must-read for anyone interested in personal growth and wellness.
Thanks to netgalley for the ARC!
September 23, 2022
Self book bothers me a lot but standing on despair I would forcibly make myself read one and so I chose this.This did not disappoint me at all.Specially how it explained having triggers on page 23 mesmerised me.But at the middle I kind of found the book advising in an typical manner not like the way it started with grace. For some people like me, it kind of triggers and so I think a little different narration would be comfortable but again it's fine as everyone has a different healing style.I appreciate this book bringing me comfort.Thanks author.
June 7, 2023
I had high hopes for this book because I loved her first one and love her work… but then for some reason it didn’t quite hit for me. I would still recommend it and there are so many powerful exercises, prompts, practices, meditations. Love the inclusion of lots of different voices. I think in conclusion I’d say this is a great starting point for someone on a healing journey or wonderful basics to go back to if you’re struggling. For me as someone that reads a ton of therapy books it wasn’t as impactful/not what I needed at the moment.
July 10, 2024
I can see how this would be helpful to some but I've done a lot of work on self development and healing and I didn't get anything new from this. It's a mix of the authors anecdotes, journal prompts, meditations, and interviews and essays from other people. Because there is so much other stuff, I thin it actually takes away from the message and process. The writinf prompts were a good start but if you're someone that doesn't want to turn to writing, this will not be a good resource for you at all. I could almost see this working better as an online class or Workbook.
January 19, 2023
It is more of a workbook than I like. I heard the author on an interview and got excited, but it didn't work out for me.
June 21, 2022
This was a lovely, much needed read and handbook/guide on self-care and healing. Alexandra Elle infuses compassion, empathy, grace and hope into each of the sections of the book, while inviting readers to take the baby steps needed in order to heal.
Between chapters, you're given an interview with magical humans like Nedra Glover Tawwab (therapist, author, relationship expert), Nneka Julia (writer, photographer, podcast host), Chrishelle Lim (fashion stylist, lifestyle & beauty blogger, digital entrepreneur), Tabitha Brown (actress & social media personality), Dr. Yaba Blay (professor, scholar-activist, public speaker, cultural worker & consultant), and more! Alexandra asks them about their pillars of healing and self-care, and it's refreshing to read that though they are all such accomplished, admirable women, they may be going through similar internal struggles as us! They don't give watered down, overarching advice of "drink more water" or "treat yourself". It's not condescending or trivializing; it's empathetic and authentic.
In each chapter, Alexandra Elle poses activities through (a) journaling (b) breathwork (c) meditation. I noted each of these in my own notebook so I could revisit them. Some of them may be activities you have tried before if you're a seasoned "self-care researcher" like I am (not academically, but I am constantly looking for this type of information -- through articles, books, podcasts, movies, I'm overly committed to healing my inner child & unlearning the internalized misogyny/racism/general meanness to myself). However, I am excited to try the new ones and I am so appreciative of Alexandra providing these tools for us.
Even if you don't "believe" you need "healing" at this moment in time, I think this book is for you. If you're already a healing/self-love expert, it's a good reminder. If this is your first step in your healing journey, then it is PERFECT! Sending you love & light in the days ahead & I'm ever so grateful to NetGalley for providing the ARC & to Alexandra Elle for writing such a beautiful book.
Between chapters, you're given an interview with magical humans like Nedra Glover Tawwab (therapist, author, relationship expert), Nneka Julia (writer, photographer, podcast host), Chrishelle Lim (fashion stylist, lifestyle & beauty blogger, digital entrepreneur), Tabitha Brown (actress & social media personality), Dr. Yaba Blay (professor, scholar-activist, public speaker, cultural worker & consultant), and more! Alexandra asks them about their pillars of healing and self-care, and it's refreshing to read that though they are all such accomplished, admirable women, they may be going through similar internal struggles as us! They don't give watered down, overarching advice of "drink more water" or "treat yourself". It's not condescending or trivializing; it's empathetic and authentic.
In each chapter, Alexandra Elle poses activities through (a) journaling (b) breathwork (c) meditation. I noted each of these in my own notebook so I could revisit them. Some of them may be activities you have tried before if you're a seasoned "self-care researcher" like I am (not academically, but I am constantly looking for this type of information -- through articles, books, podcasts, movies, I'm overly committed to healing my inner child & unlearning the internalized misogyny/racism/general meanness to myself). However, I am excited to try the new ones and I am so appreciative of Alexandra providing these tools for us.
Even if you don't "believe" you need "healing" at this moment in time, I think this book is for you. If you're already a healing/self-love expert, it's a good reminder. If this is your first step in your healing journey, then it is PERFECT! Sending you love & light in the days ahead & I'm ever so grateful to NetGalley for providing the ARC & to Alexandra Elle for writing such a beautiful book.
January 2, 2026
This book is designed as an accessible guide for anyone feeling "broken" or stuck in negative self-narratives. It is a shift from the "gentle reminders" of her previous work to a more structured, practical framework for self-healing.
The book follows a clear process to help readers navigate their own emotional recovery: Starting from Scratch, Befriending Your Fear, Reclaiming Your Power, Healing Your Heart. Starting from Scratch helps to acknowledge where you are and giving yourself permission to begin without having all the answers. Befriending Your Fear helps to build a relationship with the anxieties that usually stop progress. Reclaiming Your Power helps to identify how to rewrite your internal stories so they no longer "cage" you. Healing Your Heart is a final step toward self-appreciation and trusting your intuition.
In this book, Elle emphasizes journaling rituals not just to process trauma, but to actively tap into joy and name what you truly need. It includes interviews with luminary voices, reinforcing that healing is a communal act. The "Active Choice" as a central theme is a reminder that healing is not a finite destination but an ongoing choice made daily, often in the trenches of difficult moments. This book encourages me to become my own truth tellers by asking hard questions about my safety, support, and desires. Healing can be messy and difficult, particularly for those breaking generational cycles. It is highly recommended for those who found After the Rain helpful but are now looking for a more hands-on approach.
The book follows a clear process to help readers navigate their own emotional recovery: Starting from Scratch, Befriending Your Fear, Reclaiming Your Power, Healing Your Heart. Starting from Scratch helps to acknowledge where you are and giving yourself permission to begin without having all the answers. Befriending Your Fear helps to build a relationship with the anxieties that usually stop progress. Reclaiming Your Power helps to identify how to rewrite your internal stories so they no longer "cage" you. Healing Your Heart is a final step toward self-appreciation and trusting your intuition.
In this book, Elle emphasizes journaling rituals not just to process trauma, but to actively tap into joy and name what you truly need. It includes interviews with luminary voices, reinforcing that healing is a communal act. The "Active Choice" as a central theme is a reminder that healing is not a finite destination but an ongoing choice made daily, often in the trenches of difficult moments. This book encourages me to become my own truth tellers by asking hard questions about my safety, support, and desires. Healing can be messy and difficult, particularly for those breaking generational cycles. It is highly recommended for those who found After the Rain helpful but are now looking for a more hands-on approach.
March 4, 2024
This was an affirming read. Reading Alex Elle's "How We Heal" felt like being in warm company with someone who understands what it means to carry the weight of existence and knows how complex and nonlinear of a journey it can be to release that weight.
There were a lot of thoughtful gems I took from this book, such as 1) forgiveness can serve as a radical act of self-care by not letting what has happened take anymore of my happiness, 2) the importance of living a life of gratefulness so gratitude may serve as a compass to my joy, and 3) that not everyone will understand me or can even walk alongside me on my own journey of self discovery.
I recommend this book to anyone looking for guidance and support on how to engage with yourself (and experiences) in constructive ways so you can reflect more intentionally on your healing journey.
There were a lot of thoughtful gems I took from this book, such as 1) forgiveness can serve as a radical act of self-care by not letting what has happened take anymore of my happiness, 2) the importance of living a life of gratefulness so gratitude may serve as a compass to my joy, and 3) that not everyone will understand me or can even walk alongside me on my own journey of self discovery.
I recommend this book to anyone looking for guidance and support on how to engage with yourself (and experiences) in constructive ways so you can reflect more intentionally on your healing journey.
June 16, 2025
How We Heal is a transformative experience if you actually read with intention and put in the work. I appreciated the conversations with Alex Elle with people all over the world to show that healing is a process what we all go through at various times in our lives. I did feel seen in this book. I highly recommend this read as it will help you on your journey, whatever that may be. If you listen to the audiobook, you will be instantly relaxed with Alex herself reading it. I appreciated the meditations and journal prompts. Please check this book out, you won’t be disappointed.
January 31, 2023
Beautiful book with lots of raw interviews journaling prompts . I’m not a big self help book kind of person. But this one was different . I can’t say I read every page because I didn’t lol but I’ve loved Alex Elle books the poetry books she wrote and to see a little more about her and healing etc it was nice
January 21, 2024
Alex Elle is a beautiful soul. A book like this is something you have to revisit. In my own healing journey, it was imperative to read that something doesn’t have to happen to you in order to heal. Life by lifin’ and sometimes we just need to heal from that. It our healing is our responsibility and we need to make sure we allow ourselves grace to do it, but also find the helpful tools for us to do the work.
March 4, 2024
I've been listening to this audiobook to lift my spirits and can confidently vouch for its usefulness in promoting mental well-being. It provides insightful guidance similar to a therapist but more profound.
February 22, 2025
3.5 <3 this is a more of a workbook than just a regular nonfiction book. i found a lot of the information very important but also somewhat repetitive. i feel like with all of the self books i have read this one didn’t necessarily stand out to me. it was comforting and has good prompts though
May 12, 2024
loved!! very well written and was very insightful and calming 🤍
October 15, 2023
I was quite excited to start the book. But for some reason, it was kind of difficult for me to continue reading after going through a few interviews. It just feels like different person parroting the same thing in different words (it was a bit too much repetition for me). And also I'm not sure how I feel about some of the interviewees being social influencers. I mean, even the author is. Maybe I just cannot relate to them in a way or I just think that the book is just a collection of things people say on social media that it has become so stale to me.
Some exercises are good to go through, but some just does not make sense/sounds silly/difficult for me. This is my personal experience. Main point, I need to find my own way of dealing with my healing.
Some exercises are good to go through, but some just does not make sense/sounds silly/difficult for me. This is my personal experience. Main point, I need to find my own way of dealing with my healing.
April 30, 2023
I’ve been working my way slowly through this book. It was so so powerful and a great place to start a journaling practice. I’ve had journals on and off over the years but quite honestly I have a hard time prioritizing them and often don’t even know what to write about. But this was helpful in organizing my thoughts and Alexandra chose mindful journal topics to get me going. It was full of practical and helpful tips for using journaling, meditation, and healthy habits for your well-being. Loved it!
January 5, 2025
I was able to tell Alexandra that this book helped heal meeeee 🥰!!! I will never forget that moment!!!
The title isn’t just there to just to be there!!! You really get to dive into becoming the best version of SELF!!!
I was able to pace myself w/ this one!!! I loved the journal entries so much as well as the interviews w other healers!!!
If I could give this book 10 stars I would!!!
Loved this book downnnnnn 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽!!!
The title isn’t just there to just to be there!!! You really get to dive into becoming the best version of SELF!!!
I was able to pace myself w/ this one!!! I loved the journal entries so much as well as the interviews w other healers!!!
If I could give this book 10 stars I would!!!
Loved this book downnnnnn 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽!!!
October 24, 2023
I'm a fan of all things Alex Elle and was part of her inaugural Healing Together group.
Alex Elle's book, "How We Heal," is a profound journey into the depths of self-healing and personal transformation. Elle's personal experiences and insights testify to the power of storytelling and self-compassion.
The book delves into the heart of healing, emphasizing the importance of confronting our inner demons and rewriting our own narratives. It reveals that healing is not a one-time destination but an ongoing journey, often requiring us to start over and face our deepest fears.
One of the book's key strengths is its focus on self-forgiveness. Elle emphasizes that hating oneself is counterproductive, and instead, we must learn to forgive our past mistakes and accept our inherent human imperfections. This notion resonated deeply with me. Too much of the world encourages self-blame; if we are to truly heal, we MUST release this.
Elle's approach to healing involves befriending fear, acknowledging pain, and reframing our relationship with both. She emphasizes the importance of facing our fears and pain without judgment, allowing us to move forward and create positive life changes.
"How We Heal" encourages a delicate balance between self-accountability and self-kindness, making it a practical guide for anyone on their healing journey.
A unique aspect of "How We Heal" is its focus on rediscovering the inner child. Elle discusses how childhood experiences can shape adult lives, often leading to unresolved trauma. By nurturing our wounded inner child, we can heal past wounds and regain our power as adults.
The book also underlines the importance of gratitude and joy in the healing process. It reminds readers that healing doesn't always have to be painful and somber and that finding joy along the way is essential for success. Elle's emphasis on gratitude as a tool for resilience and positive change is particularly inspiring.
Throughout "How We Heal," Elle guides readers through a series of journaling exercises that allow them to delve into their own healing processes. These exercises help individuals unpack their emotions, confront their fears, and nurture self-compassion. I agree that the exercises are basic, if this work is not new to you, but they're still a good reminder.
"How We Heal" is a powerful and practical guide for anyone seeking to embark on a journey of self-healing and self-discovery. Alex Elle's personal anecdotes, combined with her insightful guidance, create a book that is informative and deeply relatable. It serves as a reminder that healing is a complex, ongoing process and offers valuable tools and perspectives to support this journey.
Alex Elle's book, "How We Heal," is a profound journey into the depths of self-healing and personal transformation. Elle's personal experiences and insights testify to the power of storytelling and self-compassion.
The book delves into the heart of healing, emphasizing the importance of confronting our inner demons and rewriting our own narratives. It reveals that healing is not a one-time destination but an ongoing journey, often requiring us to start over and face our deepest fears.
One of the book's key strengths is its focus on self-forgiveness. Elle emphasizes that hating oneself is counterproductive, and instead, we must learn to forgive our past mistakes and accept our inherent human imperfections. This notion resonated deeply with me. Too much of the world encourages self-blame; if we are to truly heal, we MUST release this.
Elle's approach to healing involves befriending fear, acknowledging pain, and reframing our relationship with both. She emphasizes the importance of facing our fears and pain without judgment, allowing us to move forward and create positive life changes.
"How We Heal" encourages a delicate balance between self-accountability and self-kindness, making it a practical guide for anyone on their healing journey.
A unique aspect of "How We Heal" is its focus on rediscovering the inner child. Elle discusses how childhood experiences can shape adult lives, often leading to unresolved trauma. By nurturing our wounded inner child, we can heal past wounds and regain our power as adults.
The book also underlines the importance of gratitude and joy in the healing process. It reminds readers that healing doesn't always have to be painful and somber and that finding joy along the way is essential for success. Elle's emphasis on gratitude as a tool for resilience and positive change is particularly inspiring.
Throughout "How We Heal," Elle guides readers through a series of journaling exercises that allow them to delve into their own healing processes. These exercises help individuals unpack their emotions, confront their fears, and nurture self-compassion. I agree that the exercises are basic, if this work is not new to you, but they're still a good reminder.
"How We Heal" is a powerful and practical guide for anyone seeking to embark on a journey of self-healing and self-discovery. Alex Elle's personal anecdotes, combined with her insightful guidance, create a book that is informative and deeply relatable. It serves as a reminder that healing is a complex, ongoing process and offers valuable tools and perspectives to support this journey.
June 11, 2023
In How We Heal, Alex Elle presents transformative strategies for self-healing through guided reflections, meditations/breathwork, and interviews with visionaries like Glennon Doyle, and Morgan Harper Nichols, who have illuminating insights to share about their healing journeys.
This is not a book to rush through, but one you can continuously come back to when you need it. It took me a while to get through this book because healing is heavy work. I found it helpful to read it in spurts given how emotionally taxing self-reflection can be.
My main takeaways -
- Healing is an act of lineage restoration. We are healing the trauma that has been passed down through generations. When you choose to heal yourself, you actively choose to heal the generations after you.
- Rest is essential to the healing journey. It is okay to step away from healing. Trust yourself that you will come back to it.
- It can be isolating when those around you don’t understand or refuse to do the hard work of healing, but inner peace starts when you stop trying to change people who do not want to change. Your healing and their healing are not synonymous.
- What we lacked emotionally and tangibly growing up doesn’t mean we didn’t deserve it or that we were worthy of the suffering we endured. We can make up for what we lacked in childhood by showing up for ourselves now.
- Healing is a continuous, life-long journey, and it is okay to fuck up on your journey
- When we begin to dismantle the control our past has over us, we can make peace with ourselves. Our past is not our enemy; it is our teacher. We must be open to the guidance it can offer (This is similar to Jay Shetty's advice to listen to the karmic lesson).
- Forgiveness is not a gift for another person. Forgiveness is something that you do for yourself so that the past no longer has control over you.
- We connect to our power by tapping into self-trust releasing self-doubt
This is not a book to rush through, but one you can continuously come back to when you need it. It took me a while to get through this book because healing is heavy work. I found it helpful to read it in spurts given how emotionally taxing self-reflection can be.
My main takeaways -
- Healing is an act of lineage restoration. We are healing the trauma that has been passed down through generations. When you choose to heal yourself, you actively choose to heal the generations after you.
- Rest is essential to the healing journey. It is okay to step away from healing. Trust yourself that you will come back to it.
- It can be isolating when those around you don’t understand or refuse to do the hard work of healing, but inner peace starts when you stop trying to change people who do not want to change. Your healing and their healing are not synonymous.
- What we lacked emotionally and tangibly growing up doesn’t mean we didn’t deserve it or that we were worthy of the suffering we endured. We can make up for what we lacked in childhood by showing up for ourselves now.
- Healing is a continuous, life-long journey, and it is okay to fuck up on your journey
- When we begin to dismantle the control our past has over us, we can make peace with ourselves. Our past is not our enemy; it is our teacher. We must be open to the guidance it can offer (This is similar to Jay Shetty's advice to listen to the karmic lesson).
- Forgiveness is not a gift for another person. Forgiveness is something that you do for yourself so that the past no longer has control over you.
- We connect to our power by tapping into self-trust releasing self-doubt
March 29, 2024
Alexandra Elle came to my attention when I was driving one day and heard her being interviewed on NPR. You know when you hear something like that and can't turn off the radio even once you've reached your destination? That's how what she was saying hit me. Her book, "How We Heal: Uncover Your Power and Set Yourself Free," held meaning for me--but it's also something that, frankly, could be beneficial to anyone--at least, to anyone who has ever struggled with self-doubt, questions about how their personal pasts have shaped and/or continue to shape their presents and futures and where to look to find the confidence to move forward as their best selves. Elle suggests that writing (basically, exploring certain questions via personal journaling) can be an excellent pathway toward addressing some of those questions and "healing your heart," and she may not be wrong. Even if, as a reader, you choose not to follow through on all of Elle's suggestions (I didn't--or at least, haven't to date), you are likely to find some of the questions and ideas she poses to be useful and helpful. For example, giving yourself "permission slips" to heal, rest, create and find joy is one tangible idea; asking yourself "what's my story?" and figuring out which parts of that you want to hang onto and which parts you want to release; knowing you're not responsible for other people's healing processes, or their reluctance or refusal to heal; writing a letter of forgiveness to yourself for your past mistakes and poor choices so you can release those and move on; affirming your inner child; and asking yourself what you need to stop talking yourself out of. I found all of this useful and affirming. Maybe you will, too. But--that's up to you.
August 16, 2025
Alexandra Elle’s How We Heal offers a compassionate, multi-layered guide to emotional restoration, weaving her own wisdom with contributions from other writers, therapists, and healers. The book’s brilliance lies in its collaborative spirit—readers are introduced to diverse voices and perspectives through meditations, storytelling, and personal reflections. Each contributor enriches the healing conversation, showing that recovery is not a solitary process but one deeply rooted in shared humanity and connection.
Elle’s approach is highly practical yet deeply nurturing. She integrates journaling prompts, breath work exercises, and mindfulness practices in a way that feels accessible and flexible, encouraging readers to engage at their own pace. Rather than framing healing as a rigid step-by-step process, she offers tools that can be revisited in cycles, allowing for ebb and flow in one’s emotional journey. This balance of structure and softness makes the work approachable, especially for those who may feel overwhelmed by their own pain.
Throughout, Elle gently dismantles the idea of healing as a “project” with a fixed endpoint. She reminds readers that healing is ongoing, often messy, and rarely linear—but also profoundly worth the effort. By normalizing setbacks and emotional complexity, she fosters a mindset of self-compassion and patience. The book leaves readers with a renewed sense of agency, anchored in the belief that while wounds may not vanish, tending to them can cultivate resilience, self-trust, and a deeper capacity for joy.
Elle’s approach is highly practical yet deeply nurturing. She integrates journaling prompts, breath work exercises, and mindfulness practices in a way that feels accessible and flexible, encouraging readers to engage at their own pace. Rather than framing healing as a rigid step-by-step process, she offers tools that can be revisited in cycles, allowing for ebb and flow in one’s emotional journey. This balance of structure and softness makes the work approachable, especially for those who may feel overwhelmed by their own pain.
Throughout, Elle gently dismantles the idea of healing as a “project” with a fixed endpoint. She reminds readers that healing is ongoing, often messy, and rarely linear—but also profoundly worth the effort. By normalizing setbacks and emotional complexity, she fosters a mindset of self-compassion and patience. The book leaves readers with a renewed sense of agency, anchored in the belief that while wounds may not vanish, tending to them can cultivate resilience, self-trust, and a deeper capacity for joy.
December 13, 2023
10/10 recommend. Sit. Heal. Give yourself the time to do the hard work. Here are my crumbs:
“Hating yourself is not fertile ground for your healing.”
“Our culture praises knowing what we’re doing, and where we’re going. A lot of us feel lost and disoriented because of this conditioning. Trying to heal as fast as we can, and without emotional breaks, is destructive. Many of us are not healing, because we refuse to slow down and sit with the hurt, confusion, and turmoil that we’re carrying.”
“When you choose to heal yourself, you actively choose to heal the generations after you”
“Our past is not our enemy. It is our teacher. Be open to the guidance it can offer.”
“I’ll never stop healing. I’ll be healing until the day I leave here. It’s my obligation to remain in a healing space.”👏🏻
“Emotional rest is learning to look at what is yours and what is not. When we hold on to things that don’t belong to us, it can disrupt our rest, physically and emotionally.”
“Gratitude isn’t about taking inventory of the good things. It’s about making space in your heart, mind, and body to experience the mundane.”
“Hating yourself is not fertile ground for your healing.”
“Our culture praises knowing what we’re doing, and where we’re going. A lot of us feel lost and disoriented because of this conditioning. Trying to heal as fast as we can, and without emotional breaks, is destructive. Many of us are not healing, because we refuse to slow down and sit with the hurt, confusion, and turmoil that we’re carrying.”
“When you choose to heal yourself, you actively choose to heal the generations after you”
“Our past is not our enemy. It is our teacher. Be open to the guidance it can offer.”
“I’ll never stop healing. I’ll be healing until the day I leave here. It’s my obligation to remain in a healing space.”👏🏻
“Emotional rest is learning to look at what is yours and what is not. When we hold on to things that don’t belong to us, it can disrupt our rest, physically and emotionally.”
“Gratitude isn’t about taking inventory of the good things. It’s about making space in your heart, mind, and body to experience the mundane.”
February 23, 2025
I read How We Heal along with a bibliotherapy group this month, and it was exactly the kind of reflective, nourishing read I needed. Alexandra Elle guides readers through the complexities of healing with journal prompts, meditations, and conversation starters that invite deep self-exploration.
What I appreciated most was the book’s gentle but firm reminder that healing is not linear, which is something I’ve personally struggled with. Elle encourages grace, patience, and finding joy in the present moment, all while creating space for the deeper work of self-discovery. Her words felt like an invitation rather than a directive, making the process feel accessible and compassionate.
This is the second book of hers I’ve read in the last few months, and I continue to be drawn to her wisdom and the way she fosters self-reflection. Highly recommend for anyone looking to approach healing with intention and kindness.
What I appreciated most was the book’s gentle but firm reminder that healing is not linear, which is something I’ve personally struggled with. Elle encourages grace, patience, and finding joy in the present moment, all while creating space for the deeper work of self-discovery. Her words felt like an invitation rather than a directive, making the process feel accessible and compassionate.
This is the second book of hers I’ve read in the last few months, and I continue to be drawn to her wisdom and the way she fosters self-reflection. Highly recommend for anyone looking to approach healing with intention and kindness.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 109 reviews