Bones of Belonging: Finding Wholeness in a White World

by Annahid Dashtgard

Sharp, funny, and poignant stories of what it’s like to be a Brown woman working for change in a white world.

I take a deep breath, check my lipstick one last time on my phone camera, and turn on my mic. It’s about ten steps, two metres, and one lifetime to the front of the room. “Hello,” I repeat. “My name is Annahid ― pronounced Ah-nah-heed ― and shit’s about to get real!”

In a series of deft interlocking stories, Annahid Dashtgard shares her experiences searching for, and teaching about, belonging in our deeply divided world. A critically acclaimed, racialized immigrant writer and recognized inclusion leader, Dashtgard writes with wisdom, honesty, and a wry humour as she considers what it means to belong ― to a country, in a marriage, in our own skin ― and what it means when belonging is absent. Like the bones of the human body, these stories knit together a remarkable vision of what wholeness looks like as a racial outsider in a culture still dominated by whiteness.

Genres: Nonfiction, Essays, Audiobook, Race, Memoir, Biography, Biography Memoir

216 pages, Paperback

Published May 16, 2023

Reviews

[Maria · Rating 3 out of 5]

Important and essential reading for everyone.

Also this just left me desperate for a debut fiction novel from Annahid at some point in her writing career!

[Courtney]

I won’t be rating this one. But overall I believe this is an important read for all.

[Eric Nehrlich · Rating 4 out of 5]

Personal and touching essays on the experience of being an immigrant woman of color, constantly questioning whether one's experience would be different as a native with different skin. The cultural narrative becomes internalized, such that one rejects oneself, and doesn't even question the values and aesthetics that are being unthinkingly lived into and transmitted. Towards the end of the book, she shares stepping into her own power, and sharing who she is, rather than hold herself back for fear of being "too much". I appreciated this window into somebody else's mind.

[Susan Armstrong · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was recommended to me by a friend after I shared a new insight about why I felt so different in my body during a queer immersive experience. The necessary ingredients for that is safety, being seen and belonging. Reading this book did not deepen my insight into my experience, but it did deepen my awareness of the pervasiveness of racism in Canada, the injury of microaggressions and the constancy of them. I was shocked numerous times reading this book, and I realize that a Brown or Black reader wouldn’t be. I felt humbled by the vulnerability of the author in her writing, and by her commitment to dialogue and unlearning of racism.

[Felicia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m a Black 20something who’s been studying, working and living in the equity space for most of my life. One of my biggest frustrations in equity work has been and continues to be the lack of humanity afforded to marginalized folks even in liberal spaces. You’re so often spoken about as a theory or a thing to be poked and prodded at – rarely a person with individual thoughts and feelings and hopes and dreams and insecurities.

What I love about Bones of Belonging is how Annahid’s stories pull the reader into the experience of feeling marginalized because of one aspect of your identity without asking you to forget all the other parts of you (the inner child, the lover, the artist etc.) in service of the conversation. Bones of Belonging invites you to hold space for ALL of who you are – and as the title suggests – invites you into wholeness in a way that feels authentic, relatable and amusing. Definitely recommend the read!

[Emi Yoshida · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm impressed by this author's grasp of the complex issues of equity, diversity and inclusion, her devotion to the cause of educating on all that in a workplace setting through the consulting firm she runs with her husband Shakil. I felt that Bones of Belonging read very memoir-ish and so was surprised to learn she had published one already, Breaking the Ocean: A Memoir of Race, Rebellion, and Reconciliation, at the age of only 45, in 2019.

I like the readability of these short essay-like chapters, but I didn't get the not-quite-chronological order of them, if there was an explanation given for that it was lost on me. She includes a lot of frank and honest stories about her own insecurities and struggles, about parenting her little Brown kids Arion and Koda through the pandemic lockdown, and evidence that even stereotypically nice Canadians struggle with racist behavior.

I wish she had given examples of the kind of questions she asked white people that made them call her strange. I too have divorced parents of different races, and wanted very much to know more about why the author referenced her Iranian father so much more than her British mother, was it because he's of color and she's not? I find it so interesting that just like her parents the author also married someone from a different foreign country, wonder if she and her parents notice the parallels as well.

[Shadia · Rating 4 out of 5]

I resonated with so many of the experiences the author wrote about. Being a brown person in a world of whiteness, unfortunately I still get treated similarly to the author while at work, at stores, at restaurants, etc. To see someone doing such brave things as standing up for those who may not know how/be strong enough to, is admirable. Well written book. Personally, I didn't connect with the parts about when the author wrote about her children, but I liked everything else.

[Stephanie H · Rating 4 out of 5]

In a series of essay-like chapters, Annahid Dashtgard ponders her life as an Iranian immigrant to Canada and how her many identities and those around her have shaped her.

This is a beautiful book. It is powerful and inspiring. It is heart-breaking and thought-provoking. I am so glad I read it.

The cover art is also absolutely beautiful.

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Loving someone does not mean an equalizing of experience. Love merely offers a kind of courage to push open the door between worlds, so we are more likely to learn what lies on the other side...Fierce love means stretching into the places of difference rather than defaulting to the oppressive expectation of sameness."⁣
⁣
How is this book not everywhere?⁣
⁣
This memoir blew me away. The author documents experiences as an Iranian immigrant living in Canada. Being the only brown-skinned woman in many social and professional circles, she offers profound insight into the desire for belonging as an immigrant. The microaggressions she was on the receiving end of regularly shed light onto what each of us can do to become more humble, more inviting, more loving, and more educated.⁣
Given our current political climate, if more people picked up this book or other non-fiction perspectives on immigration, maybe we could feel a more collective sense of belonging to one another.⁣

𝐁𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐁𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠 addresses racism, diversity, mental health, immigration, and more with such power and grace.
⁣
I loved it. Thank you to the author and publisher for sending me this gifted copy.

[Sherilyn Okereke · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a mom of 2 young kids, a business owner, wife and end-of-school year busy-ness…this book grabbed and kept my attention for an entire Sunday afternoon. This is a rarity in my world and the highest compliment I can bestow upon a book when my attention span feels goldfish-like at best or my exhaustion levels are through the roof.

I loved the invitation to pick up the book and read it from wherever. This resonated with me as thoughts and events live in our bodies and minds not in a near chronological timeline but everything, all at once, on a loop of remembrance and anticipation.

The author describes an intimate conversation with her husband where he states that her soul meets the page as a writer and I found that a profound truth in the book.

The author weaves together a beautiful tapestry of words that caused many of my pages to be dog-eared. This was a phenomenal book and I connected to it as a daughter of immigrants, as a woman of colour, as a mom, as a professional, as a business owner, as a teacher, facilitator and inclusion professional and as someone who has struggled to fully accept all of me.

Thank you Annahid for your vulnerability, your talent and your voice.

[Lauren Simmons · Rating 5 out of 5]

What separates this from many other good memoirs of the last decade that have shed the light on the experience of racism, is Annahid’s unflinching ability to look directly in the eye of the reader and to not look away from telling us her truths.

[Amber · Rating 4 out of 5]

Drawing upon her experience immigrating to Canada as an Iranian woman and teaching about racism in majority white spaces, Dashtgard beautifully explores the themes of belonging, purpose, and community in this memoir/essay.

Organized in short passages not ordered chronologically, BELONGING is perfect for when you don’t have stretches of uninterrupted reading time. I enjoyed Dashtgard’s heartfelt writing and resonated deeply with her quest to foster a community without losing her own identity.

One aspect that particularly struck me was the exploration of anger and its purposeful use in addressing racism. Dashtgard’s mindful approach to utilizing rage in her line of work to educate people about racism is both inspiring and empowering.

Another passage that stood out to me was the survival strategies non-white immigrants adopt when moving to white-dominant countries. I deeply related to these patterns and reflected on how this survival mode has impacted various aspects of my life, including relationships and marriages. This passage was truly thought-provoking, introspective, and poignant.

BELONGING is a book that goes beyond the surface level of the pandemic anxiety and delves deeper into the themes of finding purpose & building community. I recommend this book to anyone seeking a meaningful exploration of identity, belonging, and the power of unity in a divided world.

Thank you to BiblioLifestyle & Dundurn Press for the gifted copy

[Risa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Bones of Belonging by Annahid Dashtgard 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

A collection of short stories I will be thinking about for a long time. As my own children grow up in a country where I did not always feel welcome or look like I belonged, how will their experience turn out? Will their being born *here* give them opportunities I did not have? Will their ability to potentially pass as white help them?

Or will they feel stuck in two cultures, as I did and continue to feel? Is my desire to provide them with a strong faith community going to be enough? Enough for them to *know* they belong if they may not look like it?

Annahid expertly articulates the immigrant experience and I especially resonated with her list of what it means to be ‘good’ immigrant. The snippets of racial injustice she shares makes me angry, frustrated & fed up with the there/not there social structures always giving one race an advantage.

‘Bones of Belonging’ has left me with many thoughts to ponder and hI am grateful for Annahid for the incredible work she is doing. And for giving voice to so many trapped emotions I didn’t know I’d been holding onto.

[Mitun Seguin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This collection of short stories from Annahid Dashtgard was a beautiful and touching account of her journey through life, lessons learned and general musings along the way. The stories were compelling and exposed nerve ending that I thought were long numbed in my own experiences as a child of immigrants growing up in a very white part of the Midwest during the 80s. Annahid also managed to weave a soothing blanket of acceptance and belonging with her words- she was able to put words to many of the things that I had felt growing up and had merely accepted. I didn’t realize WHY certain things bothered me or left me feeling “less than” and had chalked it up to being too emotional and making things into a bigger “deal” in my mind. It was comforting to hear her words in my head as validation for those experiences. A beautiful book of stories that will live with me going forward. Thank you to #netgalley and Dundurn Press for allowing me to preview this magic! #BonesOfBelonging

[Suzanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was drawn to the stunning cover. In a series of musings and personal essays, Annahid shares what it is like being visibly 'Other' in North America. Born in Iran and having to flee to Canada, it shaped her and her family.
The book spans in different periods and looks at her personal life and how she wove her personal and work life together speaking to groups about diversity.
If this book doesn't make you mad, it should. The amount of nonsense she had to deal with is saddening.
I think this is a great book for people trying to understand a refugee experience. Annahid is very open with the challenges she faces. I'm glad I read this book.

[libraryofhelixis · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wouldn’t normally pick up a nonfiction book because they scare me; I prefer reading diverse opinions and experiences cloaked in fantasy. But this series of essays of Annahid’s life experiences being an immigrant, being a brown person, being a mother and fighting for racial equality we’re eye opening, they provoked thoughts and feelings I don’t often get from fantasy.

I better understand the importance of reading the direct experiences of authors from different minority groups.
This is a short and easy place to start listening to different voices.

[Mara Grau · Rating 5 out of 5]

Marvelous marvelous marvelous

[Tara Houston · Rating 4 out of 5]

first off, thank you to the author and publisher for sending me a copy of this book!

bones of belonging by annahid dashtgard is a must read for everybody, but especially white people. annahid dashtgard is an iranian-british immigrant living in Canada after moving from Iran when she was younger. the book centers on her experiences as a brown woman in a white facilitated society and how her identity and society’s reactions to it culminated into who she is today. annahid is insightful, hilarious, and intelligent in the way she tells her story and navigated these struggles throughout her life. regardless if the stories were making me cry from laughter, sadness, or anger, i always felt annahid’s spirit coming through which i feel is becoming increasingly more rare.

as a white woman, i understand the privilege i have in being accepted into every space i enter because even though i am a woman, i’m still white. i will never know what it is like to experience a white world through a POC lens, which is why i think this book is so important for other white people to read. it’s easier for people to recognize blatant racism and it’s harm but most do not realize that micro-aggressions and slights cause just as much harm. there’s a difference in performative activism and being a true ally, and it comes with recognizing and accepting cultural differences. every culture is equally as beautiful and meaningful, and white society needs to learn and rectify this. bones of belonging does a fantastic job of illustrating these harsh realities of forced WASP society upon POC, and how we need to go about changing this.

my main issues with the book are the order in which the chapters are written and some redundancy. while i absolutely loved the small essay format this book was written in, it would have been a more enjoyable read if they were ordered by either theme, experience, or chronological order. i thought from the title it’d be structured like a skeleton with stories involving her mind coming first, then her shoulders, heart, so and so forth. i think had there been a bit more structure i would have definitely felt more connected to her story as a whole instead of feeling like jumping around. and with the redundancy, a lot of the same points of belonging and her streams of consciousness regarding that feeling are present so heavily in the book. it felt in some chapters like i was just rereading what another chapter had just said.

bones of belonging is a deeply impactful book about race and finding your place within in a white society. while i couldn’t resonate with her story, i found it deeply inspiring and pertinent to my own life. change starts with us and annahid exemplifies this.

tw: discussion of eating disorders (b*limia)

[Christina · Rating 4 out of 5]

Bones of belonging
⭐️⭐️⭐️💫 (3.5, rounded up to 4 on Goodreads)

Published 5/16/23
📱🎧Thank you to NetGalley for this ARC e-book in exchange for an honest review.

What I loved about this collection of mini essays and reflections:
- It was very helpful as an American to read about the racism immigrants have experienced living in Canada, very paralleled to the U.S.
- The MENA representation was so helpful for me to see the similarities both black and brown people experience in mostly white communities.
- Annahid is a mixed race Persian from Iran. Her mother is British and her father is Iranian and so she talks about how it’s difficult to belong when you a have multiple identities and cultural backgrounds.
- Her struggles with bulimia, migraines, and self-worth were authentic and raw. It makes me want to read her memoir, which was published a few years ago.
- The writing is highly prosy and metaphorical as each essay attempts to target a body part as a metaphor for what it looks like to heal emotionally and wrestle with belonging in a world that sees you as different.
- At the end she mentions getting diagnosed with ADHD in her 40’s. The neurodivergent representation and discussion of how that maybe made her even more sensitive to the cultural and racist rejection in Canada was fascinating.
- This was the first collection of essays on race I’ve read by a Persian author. It makes me realize how much more I have to learn and how valuable all perspectives are. I had no idea the extent of racism Persians experience and how similar it is to all minority populations. It makes me want to diversify my books to include all ethnic and racial representation.

The only thing I didn’t love was how the book was organized. It was incredibly slow getting through this book because each essay felt similar to each other and yet not connected in a cohesive flow. It read kind of like a memoir with little anecdotes and stories in each section, but it didn’t move forward in an engaging way. I’m so glad to have read it and learned so much, but the organization just wasn’t conducive to my brain’s logical thought patterns so it was hard for me to follow and stay focused. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Jane · Rating 1 out of 5]

My favourite chapter in this book was, "Dusty Road." I really related to the books she read and the feelings expressed in this chapter that she had as she was growing up, as I am close in age. I, too, dreamed of being loved fully and completely. Accepted for who I am, despite all of the things I know are not perfect in me. But it surprises me that somehow the author missed out on some of the most powerful books that I found after childhood, as I went to university in my twenties. Did she really miss out on reading Michael Ondaatje, Timothy Findley, Joy Kogawa, Neil Bissoondath, George Elliot Clarke, Thomas King, Sky Lee and others?

Reading "Skates" made me feel emotional. I have always known that I missed out on some of life's greatest joys by not getting to raise children. Shakil's idea to have his daughter get to right the wrongs of the past was a beautiful moment, captured by the author.

I admit I found it distressing to read that a person who works in the field of equity, diversity and inclusion does not, herself, see all people equally and judges people by the colour of their skin. I was always taught to treat others as I would have them treat me and I live by that. It feels upsetting to know that someone who knows so well how awful it feels to hear people make assumptions and generalize about a group does just that. Every person is an individual and every group has some jerks in it, but it is never okay to start stereotyping people or assuming they are a certain way because of an experience with another person who looks like them or has a similar background.

I like to think that in Canada we all came from somewhere else and that it is beautiful that we are all living here together peacefully.

I think the author's message is downgraded by how she does not see that two wrongs don't make a right. By that, I mean that if she did not like being treated a certain way because of skin colour, then passing that hurt along by doing the same to others helps no one.

I am also struck by the message at the end to love all experiences, including profound isolation. I don't think anyone can love profound isolation.

[Jasmine · Rating 5 out of 5]

First of all, this book is beautiful. The cover's colour and texture are inviting and --- as a bit of a bibliophile --- I really appreciated the illustrated section and chapter headings within the book's pages. I read Annahid Dashtgard's previous book in a digital format, so these details enhanced my reading experience beyond my enjoyment of her writing style.

I loved Breaking the Ocean so much, so I knew I could look forward to gorgeous prose and further examination of the author's formative experiences and deepest held beliefs in Bones of Belonging. Dashtgard is keenly perceptive and I found myself underlining so many passages that were intimately relatable and quietly illuminating. The stories shared had me viewing experiences in my life, and those of my loved ones, from a new perspective and ruminating on scenes and concepts that I know will stay with me long after I set this book on my shelf.

This latest work is more didactic; the lessons learned from reflecting upon past interactions are used to investigate the nature of belonging and provide a framework for a more expansive way of engaging as a one-time outsider in a predominantly white society. The introspective focus is also broadened to relate familial experiences of exclusion and belonging and provide a critique of the unspoken expectation that immigrants and people of colour must conceal or excise parts of themselves to fit into a "white world."

I delight in Annahid Dashtgard's artistry and sincerity, much like I've delighted in the storytelling of authors like Brene Brown, Cathy Park Hong, Jia Tolentino, Yrsa Daley-Ward, and Kiese Laymon. I highly recommend giving her a read.

[Mike · Rating 5 out of 5]

Honesty is a lost art. To take pen to parchment and to write what needs to be said is a profound achievement. So when I saw a book tour for this collection of essays, subtitled "Finding Wholeness in a White World," I jumped at the opportunity.

I expected I would enjoy the journey. But I was profoundly moved to the nth degree. I knew within half a second that Dashtgard is a brilliant writer with a visceral yet empathetic voice, the way that she could say what needs to be said, the clarion call to get real as an avenue for healing. The literal masks we lovingly endured through the years of the pandemic did not also have to be figurative.

I laughed, I cried. I was humbled.

The themes the author approaches here are multifaceted: public health, parenting, homeland, identity, racism, inequity, restoration, and even the simple joys of life, a necessary balm for perilous times. (I was taking quotes down wildly; swipe repeatedly to see a gorgeous panoply of lines.)

But, no, we cannot turn a blind eye and insulate ourselves in a cozy cocoon. This bubble must be punctured. And this is necessary work, like fertile soil that prepares the plow so it can embrace the harvest. Vulnerability is but a gateway to belonging, and any sinusoidal waves that wash over us truly are for the greater good.

Amidst Dashtgard's stunning collection of thought-provoking narratives, her husband interjects to make the most perfect comment: "You're a writer. When you write, it's like your soul comes to greet the paper."

Annahid Dashtgard, you are a profoundly talented writer. And we are better for it.

[♡Heather✩Brown♡ · Rating 4 out of 5]

✨B O O K • T O U R✨

Bones of Belonging

4/5⭐️ // May 16, 2023 Pub Day!

#ad I received a gifted copy of this book and leave this review of my own accord. Many thanks to @bibliolifestyle @dundurnpress @annahiddashtgard #partner

This is a beautifully written book filled with personal prose of what it’s like to navigate a world that doesn’t always see you for your worth. Being a woman and a woman of color, Annahid Dashtgard, takes us on a deeply personal journey and invites us to see the world through her eyes.

This is a book for everyone, and everyone should read this book. With laugh-out-loud moments to deeply saddening moments, this book has all the feels in it. The author gives us a sobering view into our world; she tackles topics such as identity, systemic racism, and the struggle for acceptance with both depth and humor. Through her personal stories, she highlights the daily microaggressions and larger systemic issues that perpetuate inequality and marginalization.

This book is a must-read for anyone interested in understanding the complexities of identity, belonging, and social change in our diverse world. I highly recommend.

#bonesofbelonging #annahiddashtgard #bibliolifestyle #bookstagram #booktok #bibliophile #bookish #bookworm #igbooks #igreads #bookstagram #bookblogger #bookobsessed #bookblog #booknerd #bookworm #reading #books #bookratings #bookish #bookreviewer #instabooks #bibliophile #readersofinsta #bookaddict #readingmatters #currentlyreading #readmore #5starreview #bookreview #reviewsbooks #booktok #writesreviews #bookreviews

[Hollay Ghadery · Rating 5 out of 5]

Bones of Belonging: Finding Wholeness in a White World by Annahid Dashtgaard was such a starkly moving read. I read her first memoir, Breaking the Ocean, and admired not only Annahid's writing but also, her willingness to tackle the tough stuff head-on. Even when it hurts. Especially when it hurts.

I'm also of the same racial background as Annahid (Iranian and white) and this certainly added a layer of resonance while reading this book, but so many of the experiences here can be shared among many marginalized people.

What I loved about this book: that the sections (as Annahid explains at the beginning) vary in length just like the bones of the human body. I loved that Annahid generously shares her family life with us. And I loved, loved, loved that--just as she points out moments of inequality in her own life--she calls herself out too. There is a story where she snaps at a salesperson in a store for getting too close to her when she was trying to shop and then learns as she's checking out that this individual is hard of hearing and needs to be closer to people to read their lips. It's a moment where she checks her own privilege, and like any good teacher or leader (Annahid is the CEO of Anima Leadership, a racial justice firm), assesses herself, freely admitting that she--like all of us--needs to keep learning to create a "future where belonging is taken for granted."

A world-expanding read. Recommend!

[Karen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very important book on the white supremacy that is North American culture. I will never understand it in the way that she can and her writing is vivid and gives me a glimpse.
There is also quite alot of assumption of what white people are thinking and that the thinking is racist and belittling of her.I imagine the assumptions are correct many times. Although she does mention an assumption one time that turned out to be instead an inability to hear properly on the part of someone else which she assumed to be an act of racial profiling. I was also a bit surprised to learn that she had a very good white friend. That didn't fit somehow
There is a lot of anger in this book as there should be. But for me who has struggled with my own anger, I at times found it difficult to read. My own anger often assigns blame on to others whether it should be or not. I am in no way saying that she hasn't a right to feel angry. Rage, dammit .It can be tough to read, anger, even and maybe especially when it is around issues that challengemy own way of thinking. But I need to be challenged.
I will be reading her memoir next

[Jane Mulkewich · Rating 5 out of 5]

I went back and re-read my review of Annahid Dashtgard's first book Breaking the Ocean in 2020, which ended with "I hope that she intends to do more writing", and here it is, the more writing! On the one hand, I am glad I read the first book before this one, but on the other hand, this book is written in such a way that you would not have to read the first book before reading this one. She says at one point that this book is written like the bones of the body... some chapters are long and some are short. Her writing is so brave on so many levels, being willing to be so vulnerable with her readers, but also she has done so much work to get to the depth of understanding she has, which makes her writing so powerful, as the truth resonates and just sings out "yes"! She writes about the trauma she has experienced as a racialized person and how that has played out in her body, and in her relationships, and as a professional working in the field of racial justice. This book should be read by everyone, whether you are racialized or white, or whatever you think you already know, there is more to learn here.

[Shana · Rating 5 out of 5]

***Thanks to NetGalley for this ARC in exchange for my honest review***

This collection was hopeful, heartbreaking, poignant, and motivating. Annelid Dashtgard's voice comes through so clearly in her writing that I felt immediately at ease while I read this. It was intimate, yet informative. I raged with her and my heart felt hope with her too. We need more voices like hers to be amplified!

[Shakil Choudhury · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is like the author's soul meets the paper. These stories are humourous, hopeful and touching stories of different lengths, like bones of the body, speaking profoundly to any of us who have ever struggled to belong, and to those wanting to learn more about the experience of racial exclusion. A must-read.

[Amanda · Rating 3 out of 5]

The author covers a wide range of topics with short, easy to follow essays. I wasn’t a fan of the (lack of) order but enjoyed reading and learned a lot nonetheless. Her experiences are both inspiring and heart breaking and a timely reminder of how far we still have to go as a society.

Received as an ARC from NetGalley.

[Meaghan Allen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I appreciate the courage this woman had to retell her story in a way that allowed me to see the world through her lens. Her writing portrays vulnerability and strength, and has caused me to step back and think about diversity, inclusion, and belonging.