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I’m Sorry You Feel That Way
From the author of the Waterstones Book of the Month Our Fathers comes a compelling domestic comedy about complex family dynamics, mental health and the intricacies of sibling relationships.
For Alice and Hanna, saint and sinner, growing up is a trial. There is their mother, who takes a divide and conquer approach to child-rearing, and their father, who takes an absent one. There is their older brother Michael, whose disapproval is a force to be reckoned with. There is the catastrophe that is never spoken of, but which has shaped everything.
As adults, Alice and Hanna must deal with disappointments in work and in love as well as increasingly complicated family tensions, and lives that look dismayingly dissimilar to what they'd intended. They must look for a way to repair their own fractured relationship, and they must finally choose their own approach to their dominant mother: submit or burn the house down. And they must decide at last whether life is really anything more than (as Hanna would have it) a tragedy with a few hilarious moments.
For Alice and Hanna, saint and sinner, growing up is a trial. There is their mother, who takes a divide and conquer approach to child-rearing, and their father, who takes an absent one. There is their older brother Michael, whose disapproval is a force to be reckoned with. There is the catastrophe that is never spoken of, but which has shaped everything.
As adults, Alice and Hanna must deal with disappointments in work and in love as well as increasingly complicated family tensions, and lives that look dismayingly dissimilar to what they'd intended. They must look for a way to repair their own fractured relationship, and they must finally choose their own approach to their dominant mother: submit or burn the house down. And they must decide at last whether life is really anything more than (as Hanna would have it) a tragedy with a few hilarious moments.
371 pages, Kindle Edition
First published July 7, 2022
390 people are currently reading
17038 people want to read
About the author
Rebecca Wait
6 books305 followersRebecca Wait is the author of five novels, most recently Havoc.
I’m Sorry You Feel That Way was a book of the year for The Times, Guardian, Express, Good Housekeeping and BBC Culture, and was shortlisted for the Nota Bene Prize.
Our Fathers, received widespread acclaim and was a Guardian book of the year and a thriller of the month for Waterstones.
I’m Sorry You Feel That Way was a book of the year for The Times, Guardian, Express, Good Housekeeping and BBC Culture, and was shortlisted for the Nota Bene Prize.
Our Fathers, received widespread acclaim and was a Guardian book of the year and a thriller of the month for Waterstones.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 849 reviews
February 3, 2023
THE D WORD
Did you read any novels recently about a functional family? No, you didn’t, who would write about such an unnatural thing, the very idea. What are the only type of families we hear about these days? Altogether now! Yes, that’s right, DYSfunctional families! Thanks everyone. Oh what a tired clapped out phrase that is, it should be painlessly euthanized. If you disagree, try this drinking game – read all the reviews of this book on GR and drink a shot every time the D word is mentioned. You’ll be dead within the hour.
EVERYBODY’S A POP PSYCHOLOGIST
There’s a mum and a dad and their children who are a boy and two girl twins, non-identical. They grow up and they love and loathe each other to one degree or another as they have their difficulties in life, such as going to Cambridge University or Edinburgh University (yes, this is somewhat of a middleclass story) and severe mental illness.
This is a story made out of pop-psychological types and my fellow reviewers like to name them – the narcissist, the people pleaser, the emotionally absent father, the withholding mother, in this novel they all get shaken out of the packet and stirred together in a bowl and left to set for 30 minutes. The great subject of contemporary novels seems to be psychological case studies – Normal People by Sally Rooney and Eleanor Oliphant is Perfectly All Right As Far as I Know by Gail Honeyman spring to mind.
Later on Hanna will learn to divide people into two groups based on their understanding of others. First there are the people with no particular agenda, who will take their cue from you, who will wait quietly to learn who you are. Then there is the other group, the people who will not wait, but who conjure up a personality for you out of odds and ends of their own: some bits of you, certainly, but mixed liberally with scraps of their own needs and prejudices.
Hmmm… is this really true, that people can be so divided? And what does learning who you are mean? It all sounds plausible but I dunno. Maybe it’s just pop psychobabble.
EVERYBODY’S A COMEDIAN
This is not quite a comedy but it’s stuffed full of the kind of wry eyebrow-raised observations about the minutiae of interpersonal relations that forever balance on the edge of comedy without quite becoming a stand up routine. There are a couple of outright sketches in here, such as the house party where a ferret gets let loose – Rebecca beats us over the head with this ribtickling mammal for way too many pages – and the boss who thinks one character is fascinated by Germany when she isn’t, this wears out its welcome too. I’m sorry I feel this way, Rebecca.
I ENJOYED IT WHILE I WAS READING IT BUT
That doesn’t make it good. 2.5 stars rounded up to 3 because, heck, I enjoyed it while I was reading it.
Did you read any novels recently about a functional family? No, you didn’t, who would write about such an unnatural thing, the very idea. What are the only type of families we hear about these days? Altogether now! Yes, that’s right, DYSfunctional families! Thanks everyone. Oh what a tired clapped out phrase that is, it should be painlessly euthanized. If you disagree, try this drinking game – read all the reviews of this book on GR and drink a shot every time the D word is mentioned. You’ll be dead within the hour.
EVERYBODY’S A POP PSYCHOLOGIST
There’s a mum and a dad and their children who are a boy and two girl twins, non-identical. They grow up and they love and loathe each other to one degree or another as they have their difficulties in life, such as going to Cambridge University or Edinburgh University (yes, this is somewhat of a middleclass story) and severe mental illness.
This is a story made out of pop-psychological types and my fellow reviewers like to name them – the narcissist, the people pleaser, the emotionally absent father, the withholding mother, in this novel they all get shaken out of the packet and stirred together in a bowl and left to set for 30 minutes. The great subject of contemporary novels seems to be psychological case studies – Normal People by Sally Rooney and Eleanor Oliphant is Perfectly All Right As Far as I Know by Gail Honeyman spring to mind.
Later on Hanna will learn to divide people into two groups based on their understanding of others. First there are the people with no particular agenda, who will take their cue from you, who will wait quietly to learn who you are. Then there is the other group, the people who will not wait, but who conjure up a personality for you out of odds and ends of their own: some bits of you, certainly, but mixed liberally with scraps of their own needs and prejudices.
Hmmm… is this really true, that people can be so divided? And what does learning who you are mean? It all sounds plausible but I dunno. Maybe it’s just pop psychobabble.
EVERYBODY’S A COMEDIAN
This is not quite a comedy but it’s stuffed full of the kind of wry eyebrow-raised observations about the minutiae of interpersonal relations that forever balance on the edge of comedy without quite becoming a stand up routine. There are a couple of outright sketches in here, such as the house party where a ferret gets let loose – Rebecca beats us over the head with this ribtickling mammal for way too many pages – and the boss who thinks one character is fascinated by Germany when she isn’t, this wears out its welcome too. I’m sorry I feel this way, Rebecca.
I ENJOYED IT WHILE I WAS READING IT BUT
That doesn’t make it good. 2.5 stars rounded up to 3 because, heck, I enjoyed it while I was reading it.
April 30, 2023
Once I got used to Rebecca Wait’s over-commitment to adverbs, I became obsessed with this book. Literary fiction about dysfunctional family dynamics has proven itself to be a genre that keeps on giving, because humans are endlessly messed up and interesting.
If you’re into family psychology and mental health like me then this book will really do it for you. Yes, there are moments of humour and the writing style is light and compelling, but the story is one of so much toxicity. Celia especially has resurfaced my terror of motherhood and strengthened my conviction that people should be highly encouraged to do therapy before having kids (and beyond) because she clearly needed help. It was interesting to see her own childhood and witness the development (or rather malformation) of her personality, followed by the subtle and more obvious effects of her parenting on all three of her children in different ways.
I personally didn't love when the narrator seemed to interject with their own opinions on a few occasions, but that's just a tiny personal thing. I also preferred the sections set in the past to the modern party scenes which were a little slapstick, although those were enjoyable too - it's so true to life that during a house party you get the frivolous conversations layered up with deeper significant and even transformative ones, and it's fun to see characters interacting with each other after you've gotten to know them separately on a deeper level.
I’m sorry you feel that way is character-driven gem that I couldn’t put down. It explores loneliness, psychosis, sibling dynamics, personality disorders, miscommunications and why we are attracted to and choose certain romantic partners. I took a lot from it and feel bereft now I've finished.
If you’re into family psychology and mental health like me then this book will really do it for you. Yes, there are moments of humour and the writing style is light and compelling, but the story is one of so much toxicity. Celia especially has resurfaced my terror of motherhood and strengthened my conviction that people should be highly encouraged to do therapy before having kids (and beyond) because she clearly needed help. It was interesting to see her own childhood and witness the development (or rather malformation) of her personality, followed by the subtle and more obvious effects of her parenting on all three of her children in different ways.
I personally didn't love when the narrator seemed to interject with their own opinions on a few occasions, but that's just a tiny personal thing. I also preferred the sections set in the past to the modern party scenes which were a little slapstick, although those were enjoyable too - it's so true to life that during a house party you get the frivolous conversations layered up with deeper significant and even transformative ones, and it's fun to see characters interacting with each other after you've gotten to know them separately on a deeper level.
I’m sorry you feel that way is character-driven gem that I couldn’t put down. It explores loneliness, psychosis, sibling dynamics, personality disorders, miscommunications and why we are attracted to and choose certain romantic partners. I took a lot from it and feel bereft now I've finished.
July 11, 2022
Well, this is a gem. A gorgeous story about a dysfunctional family and the thread of mental illness running through it, this book is warm, funny and unflinching.
Celia has three children, Alice who lacks self-confidence but is ceaselessly kind and wants to do right by everyone, her twin Hanna who is strong-willed and fiercely bright, and their older brother Michael who is fixated on owning property and disapproves of the girls failing to get their shit together, for want of a better expression 🙃. Celia is a piece of work - neurotic, uptight, painfully socially awkward and a victim of her own upbringing.
The book explores the fractured relationships between the family and how they go about trying to repair them, the impact mental illness has on the whole family, and the way in which the baggage of a difficult childhood stays with you for life.
I loved this one. A really well-written story that I wanted to return to, characters that were so well-drawn and leapt off the page, and dialogue that made me laugh throughout (Hanna is a brilliant character).
It’s a moving one too and the comparisons to Sorrow and Bliss are fully justified. Fans of Meg Mason will enjoy it. A big thumbs up from me - I’m off to find Wait’s three earlier novels to add them to my TBR. A lovely 4/5⭐️. Recommended.
Celia has three children, Alice who lacks self-confidence but is ceaselessly kind and wants to do right by everyone, her twin Hanna who is strong-willed and fiercely bright, and their older brother Michael who is fixated on owning property and disapproves of the girls failing to get their shit together, for want of a better expression 🙃. Celia is a piece of work - neurotic, uptight, painfully socially awkward and a victim of her own upbringing.
The book explores the fractured relationships between the family and how they go about trying to repair them, the impact mental illness has on the whole family, and the way in which the baggage of a difficult childhood stays with you for life.
I loved this one. A really well-written story that I wanted to return to, characters that were so well-drawn and leapt off the page, and dialogue that made me laugh throughout (Hanna is a brilliant character).
It’s a moving one too and the comparisons to Sorrow and Bliss are fully justified. Fans of Meg Mason will enjoy it. A big thumbs up from me - I’m off to find Wait’s three earlier novels to add them to my TBR. A lovely 4/5⭐️. Recommended.
August 23, 2022
Told from multiple viewpoints this story gave me the fear - as a mother to an 18 month old, reading Celia's parts (the mother) and her relationship with her three children made me feel so strongly about not ending up parenting my child the same way she does. An interesting read about the family dynamics and impact of mental health on the relationships I thought it was very well written. I felt the party scene with the ferret was completely unnecessary and seemed to add some slapstick comedy that was not required and also not very funny (but that's just me).
I received a free review copy from the publisher in exchange for my honest unedited feedback.
Thank you to Netgalley, Quercus Books and the author.
I received a free review copy from the publisher in exchange for my honest unedited feedback.
Thank you to Netgalley, Quercus Books and the author.
March 31, 2025
In Rebecca Waite's novel, an ordinary divided family conventionally reunites at the funeral of an aunt, mother's sister. Everyone knows that funerals often become an arena of mutual discontent and conflict, but this sad event, in fact, brings together Celia's three children, even Hannah arrives from Kuala Lumpur, where she has been working for several years, cutting off ties with relatives before leaving. In truth, Aunt Katie's death was not a tragedy, her life was a drama: a bright mother's sister, a favorite of parents who admired her eccentricity and considered wild antics to be manifestations of artistry - Katie lived with a diagnosis of schizophrenia, which did not add joy to either the patient or her neighbors.
"I'm sorry you feel that way" in the title, I suspect that it is translated exactly like that, to enhance the intrigue: "so that everyone asks" - from Russian into understandable. In terms of meaning, it's more like "I'm sorry that you're hurting so much," but it hurts about everyone and most of the time, although the only minor character openly admits to the pain. The most amazing thing is that the series of traumatic and depressive incidents that the characters go through makes the reader/listener laugh every now and then. My absolute favorite is the scene of Aunt Katie's visit to her sister's house, where at that time there was only a teenager Alice - you realize that a psychiatric diagnosis is not a reason to laugh, but you can't do anything about yourself.
I mentioned the opportunity to listen, and yes, it's there now, and Maria Orlova reads beautifully. The light of this story is stronger than the circumstances that intend to make everyone unhappy. They don't revel in suffering (well, mostly), but get up and walk on, sometimes limping. And they're cool, you even love Celia by the end.
Кукольные домики
Живет семья, обычная семья:
Лошадь, крыса и Змея.
В романе Ребекки Уэйт обычная разобщенная семья условно воссоединяется на похоронах тети, маминой сестры. Всякий знает, что похороны чаще становятся ареной взаимного недовольства и конфликтов, но это печальное событие, в самом деле, собирает вместе троих детей Селии, даже Ханна прилетает из Куала-Лумпура, где уже несколько лет работала, оборвав перед отъездом связи с родней. По правде, смерть тети Кэти трагедией не была, драмой была ее жизнь: яркая мамина сестра, любимица родителей, которые восторгались ее эксцентричность и считали проявлениями артистизма дикие выходки - Кэти жила с диагнозом "шизофрения", ни больному, ни ближним радости не добавлявшим.
Пришибленная сестриным заболеванием, неуверенная в себе и собственной привлекательности, Селия выросла, вышла замуж за Пола, стала мамой Майкла и близняшек Ханны и Элис, но внутри она та же девочка, обделенная вниманием. Охотясь за крохами любви, отношения с окружающими строит по принципу Цезаря "разделяй и властвуй": кого-то превозносит, кого-то назначает всюду виноватым, кого-то душит гиперопекой, надолго и с чувством обижается по любому поводу, заставляя всех чувствовать себя виноватыми.
Зато, если мерить уровень детского счастья количеством игрушек, у ее детей самое счастливое. Пол менеджер по закупке детских товаров для игр и развития, у Майкла и девочек все модные новинки появлялись первыми и по всему, им бы быть королями школы. Но стала только Ханна, прирожденный лидер и папина любимица, хорошенькая, как Кэти в детстве, бесстрашная, умеющая любого отбрить. Любым чаще всего бывала тихоня Элис, которая сестру обожала и хотела дружить с ней, да куда там. Хотя от мерзкой девицы, которая принялась травить ее в старших классах, Ханна таки защитила. И, вот же чудо, отродясь не уделявшая внимания учебе, сумела поступить в Кембридж. Только потом...
"Сочувствую, что вы так чувствуете" в заглавии, подозреваю, что переведено именно так, для усиления интриги: "чтобы все спрашивали" - с русского на понятный. По смыслу, это скорее "мне жаль, что тебе так больно", а больно примерно всем и большую часть времени, хотя открыто признается в боли единственный второстепенный персонаж. Самое удивительное, что череда травмирующих и депрессивных происшествий, через которые проходят герои, то и дело заставляет читателя/слушателя смеяться. Мой абсолютный фаворит сцена визита тети Кэти в дом сестры, где в это время была только подросток Элис - понимаешь, что психиатрический диагноз не повод для смеха, а поделать ничего с собой не можешь.
Я сказала о возможности послушать, и да, она теперь есть, а читает Мария Орлова прекрасно. Свет этой истории сильнее обстоятельств, намеренных сделать всех несчастными. Они не упиваются страданиями (ну, в основном), а поднимаются и идут дальше, порой прихрамывая. И они классные, к финалу любишь даже Селию.
"I'm sorry you feel that way" in the title, I suspect that it is translated exactly like that, to enhance the intrigue: "so that everyone asks" - from Russian into understandable. In terms of meaning, it's more like "I'm sorry that you're hurting so much," but it hurts about everyone and most of the time, although the only minor character openly admits to the pain. The most amazing thing is that the series of traumatic and depressive incidents that the characters go through makes the reader/listener laugh every now and then. My absolute favorite is the scene of Aunt Katie's visit to her sister's house, where at that time there was only a teenager Alice - you realize that a psychiatric diagnosis is not a reason to laugh, but you can't do anything about yourself.
I mentioned the opportunity to listen, and yes, it's there now, and Maria Orlova reads beautifully. The light of this story is stronger than the circumstances that intend to make everyone unhappy. They don't revel in suffering (well, mostly), but get up and walk on, sometimes limping. And they're cool, you even love Celia by the end.
Кукольные домики
Живет семья, обычная семья:
Лошадь, крыса и Змея.
В романе Ребекки Уэйт обычная разобщенная семья условно воссоединяется на похоронах тети, маминой сестры. Всякий знает, что похороны чаще становятся ареной взаимного недовольства и конфликтов, но это печальное событие, в самом деле, собирает вместе троих детей Селии, даже Ханна прилетает из Куала-Лумпура, где уже несколько лет работала, оборвав перед отъездом связи с родней. По правде, смерть тети Кэти трагедией не была, драмой была ее жизнь: яркая мамина сестра, любимица родителей, которые восторгались ее эксцентричность и считали проявлениями артистизма дикие выходки - Кэти жила с диагнозом "шизофрения", ни больному, ни ближним радости не добавлявшим.
Пришибленная сестриным заболеванием, неуверенная в себе и собственной привлекательности, Селия выросла, вышла замуж за Пола, стала мамой Майкла и близняшек Ханны и Элис, но внутри она та же девочка, обделенная вниманием. Охотясь за крохами любви, отношения с окружающими строит по принципу Цезаря "разделяй и властвуй": кого-то превозносит, кого-то назначает всюду виноватым, кого-то душит гиперопекой, надолго и с чувством обижается по любому поводу, заставляя всех чувствовать себя виноватыми.
Зато, если мерить уровень детского счастья количеством игрушек, у ее детей самое счастливое. Пол менеджер по закупке детских товаров для игр и развития, у Майкла и девочек все модные новинки появлялись первыми и по всему, им бы быть королями школы. Но стала только Ханна, прирожденный лидер и папина любимица, хорошенькая, как Кэти в детстве, бесстрашная, умеющая любого отбрить. Любым чаще всего бывала тихоня Элис, которая сестру обожала и хотела дружить с ней, да куда там. Хотя от мерзкой девицы, которая принялась травить ее в старших классах, Ханна таки защитила. И, вот же чудо, отродясь не уделявшая внимания учебе, сумела поступить в Кембридж. Только потом...
"Сочувствую, что вы так чувствуете" в заглавии, подозреваю, что переведено именно так, для усиления интриги: "чтобы все спрашивали" - с русского на понятный. По смыслу, это скорее "мне жаль, что тебе так больно", а больно примерно всем и большую часть времени, хотя открыто признается в боли единственный второстепенный персонаж. Самое удивительное, что череда травмирующих и депрессивных происшествий, через которые проходят герои, то и дело заставляет читателя/слушателя смеяться. Мой абсолютный фаворит сцена визита тети Кэти в дом сестры, где в это время была только подросток Элис - понимаешь, что психиатрический диагноз не повод для смеха, а поделать ничего с собой не можешь.
Я сказала о возможности послушать, и да, она теперь есть, а читает Мария Орлова прекрасно. Свет этой истории сильнее обстоятельств, намеренных сделать всех несчастными. Они не упиваются страданиями (ну, в основном), а поднимаются и идут дальше, порой прихрамывая. И они классные, к финалу любишь даже Селию.
dnf-dnr
November 6, 2024DNF@ 27%
Fuck it, life's too short and I don't want to spend my limited mental energy on stuff that feels like a chore. This feels way too middle class and lacking in heart for me - who knows later on? But I can't bear reading people being snippy and shitty with each other for 300 more pages.
Fuck it, life's too short and I don't want to spend my limited mental energy on stuff that feels like a chore. This feels way too middle class and lacking in heart for me - who knows later on? But I can't bear reading people being snippy and shitty with each other for 300 more pages.
November 22, 2022
not going to lie, this disappointed me a tad. after seeing so many people compare it to sorrow and bliss, i was very excited to read it. but i felt that it lacked emotion and heart, and the whole time it felt like all of the events were just being described, rather than actually happening if that makes any sense?
June 1, 2023
Alice, Hanna and Michael. Siblings and acquaintances. Brought up under the watchful eye of their narcissistic mother Celia and ignored by their mostly absent father Paul. Celia does not encourage a bond between them, but rather discourages it, choosing to play favourites and doing her utmost to ensure that she is the priority. It doesn’t help that Alice and Hanna’s personalities are so different; despite them being twins; Alice is sensitive and awkward, Hanna is dramatic and bold. Alice would love them to be closer, but Hanna isn’t interested and Alice too meek to force the issue. With their mother at the helm, wreaking havoc, is there any hope for these young women to ever become friends?
Oh my! This is one hell of a f***ed up family! You will want to shake each and every one of the main characters, they are all so unbelievably irritating at times. But isn’t that like all families? No one is perfect and this book really does show all if the flaws. It’s one of the most fascinating depictions of a family that I’ve read in a long time. I loved every single page. It made me mad, it made me laugh, it made me cry, it made me smile and it gave me hope.
Spotted this being lauded on Instagram so grabbed it from the library. Read in 24 hours as I couldn’t put it down. Utterly spellbinding.
Oh my! This is one hell of a f***ed up family! You will want to shake each and every one of the main characters, they are all so unbelievably irritating at times. But isn’t that like all families? No one is perfect and this book really does show all if the flaws. It’s one of the most fascinating depictions of a family that I’ve read in a long time. I loved every single page. It made me mad, it made me laugh, it made me cry, it made me smile and it gave me hope.
Spotted this being lauded on Instagram so grabbed it from the library. Read in 24 hours as I couldn’t put it down. Utterly spellbinding.
January 17, 2023
Despite being of a generally good quality, the book's title is, without a doubt, the best thing about it.
Rebecca Wait's novel follows in the footsteps of a great many books which try to focus on modern day, affluent middle class life. In this case, the family unit is explored, sibling and parental relationships coming to the forefront. One of my issues with this type of fiction is that the characters are just shallow enough that most readers will be able to imprint themselves upon them. Wait does a good job of making the characters well rounded, but the book tends towards commonality than originality. There is the fop, the rebel, the nice one and the narcissist. People do not fall into video game archetypes in real life, and the portrayal of such typical troupes here bothers me more than it should.
It bothers me because the book is very nearly great. Wait has a phenomenal amount of skill in invoking empathy between the reader and the subject. Despite the characters having generic, boring and self made issues, I still found myself caring about what happened to them. Despite not having anything but superficial politics or genuine imagination, the characters actions were still interesting to me. But after finishing it I can't help but wonder if that was a result of nothing more than a gossipy interest? Rather than seeing the characters as genuine people, some of the intrigue invoked by Wait has a lot more in common with reality television. Watching a family unit go through trials and tribulations is a successful model. This book just has lower stakes than the one's with streaming shows.
That feels a little dismissive. The book is good. Rather than prod the reasons, the fact is I did care about what happened to the characters. Some interesting situations arise, and there's some stuff working under the surface that never really took off. Structurally, Wait has done a fantastic job. A small, worn technique makes the narrative much more engaging than it would otherwise be. As a reader, you get the impression that Wait has purposefully chosen to lean away from the bite and towards empathy.
If slice of life, low stakes, middle class drama is your cup of tea, this is a good example of it. Wait is a good writer and I'll be looking forward to whatever they choose to write next.
Rebecca Wait's novel follows in the footsteps of a great many books which try to focus on modern day, affluent middle class life. In this case, the family unit is explored, sibling and parental relationships coming to the forefront. One of my issues with this type of fiction is that the characters are just shallow enough that most readers will be able to imprint themselves upon them. Wait does a good job of making the characters well rounded, but the book tends towards commonality than originality. There is the fop, the rebel, the nice one and the narcissist. People do not fall into video game archetypes in real life, and the portrayal of such typical troupes here bothers me more than it should.
It bothers me because the book is very nearly great. Wait has a phenomenal amount of skill in invoking empathy between the reader and the subject. Despite the characters having generic, boring and self made issues, I still found myself caring about what happened to them. Despite not having anything but superficial politics or genuine imagination, the characters actions were still interesting to me. But after finishing it I can't help but wonder if that was a result of nothing more than a gossipy interest? Rather than seeing the characters as genuine people, some of the intrigue invoked by Wait has a lot more in common with reality television. Watching a family unit go through trials and tribulations is a successful model. This book just has lower stakes than the one's with streaming shows.
That feels a little dismissive. The book is good. Rather than prod the reasons, the fact is I did care about what happened to the characters. Some interesting situations arise, and there's some stuff working under the surface that never really took off. Structurally, Wait has done a fantastic job. A small, worn technique makes the narrative much more engaging than it would otherwise be. As a reader, you get the impression that Wait has purposefully chosen to lean away from the bite and towards empathy.
If slice of life, low stakes, middle class drama is your cup of tea, this is a good example of it. Wait is a good writer and I'll be looking forward to whatever they choose to write next.
May 6, 2022
"Here she is, eight years old again. Unloved, unlovely."
I'm Sorry You Feel That Way follows the lives of Celia and her three children - Michael, Hanna and Alice. It's an extremely captivating exploration of dysfunctional family dynamics and how our childhoods shape our ability to form meaningful connections in later life.
I really enjoyed reading the story from multiple points of view, as it gave me a chance to sympathise with each character and better understand why they behaved the way they did, without having a single person be the designated "bad guy". The characters themselves were very well-rounded and despite each of them being flawed and often unlikable it was easy to find little glimpses in each of them to relate to.
Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC.
I'm Sorry You Feel That Way follows the lives of Celia and her three children - Michael, Hanna and Alice. It's an extremely captivating exploration of dysfunctional family dynamics and how our childhoods shape our ability to form meaningful connections in later life.
I really enjoyed reading the story from multiple points of view, as it gave me a chance to sympathise with each character and better understand why they behaved the way they did, without having a single person be the designated "bad guy". The characters themselves were very well-rounded and despite each of them being flawed and often unlikable it was easy to find little glimpses in each of them to relate to.
Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC.
March 6, 2023
I devoured this book and don’t think there has been one page that didn’t give me some sort of feeling and even when I was annoyed with Alice, or shocked by Hanna’s cold behaviour, I was not for a second considering putting it down. Hanna and Alice and their brother Michael are brought up by a seriously unhinged mother, which undeniably sets them up for their own issues later on in life.
This sounds sad maybe, but the book is clever, at times downright hilarious, laugh out loud hilarious even, and so well written. Gradually the reader, having formed some ideas about the characters, is filled in on their history - a clever way to keep needing to adjust judgement - as such drawing the reader in on the inner lives and motives of the various character.
Ugh - this review doesn’t quite reflect how amazed I was by this book and how I loved it, and why.
This sounds sad maybe, but the book is clever, at times downright hilarious, laugh out loud hilarious even, and so well written. Gradually the reader, having formed some ideas about the characters, is filled in on their history - a clever way to keep needing to adjust judgement - as such drawing the reader in on the inner lives and motives of the various character.
Ugh - this review doesn’t quite reflect how amazed I was by this book and how I loved it, and why.
February 5, 2022
What a rollercoaster ride of a novel! This is an absolutely marvellous read that transports us through the highs and lows of a somewhat ordinary yet at the same time somewhat dysfunctional, fractured family. Eminently relatable (not personally, you understand, but as an observation of society as a whole).
The characters are quirky and often lost, hopeless, directionless, yet brave, enthusiastic, passionate, and charismatic. At times I couldn’t help but draw comparisons to Fleabag if she’d got married and had kids.
The peaks were hilarious and should come with a government health warning not to read this book in public nor attempt to eat or drink while doing so. Seriously laugh-out-loud funny. At times I had tears rolling down my cheeks.
The troughs were dark and brought a sharp worldly focus to the story, frequently bringing us back down to earth with a dash of harsh realism. At times I had tears rolling down my cheeks.
This young author is exceptionally talented. She expertly delivers beautiful prose that combines dry, acerbic wit with an acute observational study of human nature, complete with all its foibles and eccentricities.
I would recommend this without hesitation to my fellow book club members but would probably stop short of adding it to the set reading list of my Upper 6th since some of the issues may be a tad too close to home.
My thanks to NetGalley and Quercus Books for granting this e-ARC in exchange for an honest review.
The characters are quirky and often lost, hopeless, directionless, yet brave, enthusiastic, passionate, and charismatic. At times I couldn’t help but draw comparisons to Fleabag if she’d got married and had kids.
The peaks were hilarious and should come with a government health warning not to read this book in public nor attempt to eat or drink while doing so. Seriously laugh-out-loud funny. At times I had tears rolling down my cheeks.
The troughs were dark and brought a sharp worldly focus to the story, frequently bringing us back down to earth with a dash of harsh realism. At times I had tears rolling down my cheeks.
This young author is exceptionally talented. She expertly delivers beautiful prose that combines dry, acerbic wit with an acute observational study of human nature, complete with all its foibles and eccentricities.
I would recommend this without hesitation to my fellow book club members but would probably stop short of adding it to the set reading list of my Upper 6th since some of the issues may be a tad too close to home.
My thanks to NetGalley and Quercus Books for granting this e-ARC in exchange for an honest review.
April 14, 2023
Character development at its finest!!! Brb whilst I add all Rebecca Wait’s books to my tbr
July 18, 2024
Families are easily my favorite to read because of all the different relationships in life, and they’re the only ones you don’t choose, making them some of the hardest. I don’t know if a functional family exists. The more I read, I don’t think they do, which is why reading about the family in Rebecca Wait’s ‘Im Sorry You Feel That Way’ despite all their conflicts, clashes in personalities, and pain they’ve inflicted on each other, I view them as another family, failing and trying over and over again to salvage their unit the best they know how.
The story starts in the present day, in 2018, at their aunt’s funeral. Funerals are implicitly difficult, but this one is uniquely so since we learn this is the first time the family has reunited in a few years and, specifically, the first time in four years that twin sisters Alice and Hanna have spoken. We then flip to the past and present while switching POVs between the mother, twin sisters, and eldest brother to understand their rift and perspectives growing up, which led them to the adults they are today.
I get very excited when parts of the plot are intentionally [and temporarily] withheld from the reader. Even though this is hands-down a character-driven story, there were several reveals to look forward to.
What I loved most about this story was the writing. For how much this family goes through, it could make for a sad read, but the dry humor and chaotic scenes made me laugh so much.
The weight labels carry stood out to me. From the roles you have in your families and relationships to also the labels around mental illness. Alice and Hanna have been coined saint and sinner respectively, which caused a lot of strife in their relationship. As we read, I found it eye-opening to see how the difference in the perspectives of the people we believe we know the most and their inner dialogue often leads to misunderstandings and conflicts.
The mom was undoubtedly tough and toxic, as we see her inflict and be the root of many conflicts. But I still can't deny the benefit and clarity of knowing her upbringing provides in understanding her character. Rebecca portrayed both sides of the spectrum of family moments, from the intense and damaging moments to the light-hearted sibling teasing and instances when you have each other's backs.
How you feel about the ending will depend on how you handle relationships with difficult family members. I appreciated it and found it a bit emotional how it spoke to how sometimes we make peace with our family's flaws and limitations and find small wins to maintain a connection.
Overall, if you enjoy reading about dysfunctional families and mental illness, I recommend. Perfect for fans of ‘Sorrow and Bliss’ by Meg Mason and Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine.
-----
“There are two types of people in the world: those who view life as a comedy with a few tragic moments, and those who view it as a tragedy with a few funny moments.”
“Hearing Hanna apologize is shockingly rare. Just as rare, in fact, as hearing their mother apologize. Generally, Alice thinks, neither one of them ever does apologize. The closest they will come is to say something like, ‘I’m sorry you can’t see when people are acting in your best interest' [their mother to Hanna] or ‘I’m sorry you feel I’m such a burden’ [their mother to Alice] or ‘I’m sorry I’m not perfect, like Saint Alice’ [Hanna to their mother]. Or, their mother’s favorite of all: simply, coldly, ‘I’m sorry you feel that way.’ Some of these statements might briefly sound like an apology, but they are of course Trojan Horses, non-apologies in the guise of almost-apologies”.
The story starts in the present day, in 2018, at their aunt’s funeral. Funerals are implicitly difficult, but this one is uniquely so since we learn this is the first time the family has reunited in a few years and, specifically, the first time in four years that twin sisters Alice and Hanna have spoken. We then flip to the past and present while switching POVs between the mother, twin sisters, and eldest brother to understand their rift and perspectives growing up, which led them to the adults they are today.
I get very excited when parts of the plot are intentionally [and temporarily] withheld from the reader. Even though this is hands-down a character-driven story, there were several reveals to look forward to.
What I loved most about this story was the writing. For how much this family goes through, it could make for a sad read, but the dry humor and chaotic scenes made me laugh so much.
The weight labels carry stood out to me. From the roles you have in your families and relationships to also the labels around mental illness. Alice and Hanna have been coined saint and sinner respectively, which caused a lot of strife in their relationship. As we read, I found it eye-opening to see how the difference in the perspectives of the people we believe we know the most and their inner dialogue often leads to misunderstandings and conflicts.
The mom was undoubtedly tough and toxic, as we see her inflict and be the root of many conflicts. But I still can't deny the benefit and clarity of knowing her upbringing provides in understanding her character. Rebecca portrayed both sides of the spectrum of family moments, from the intense and damaging moments to the light-hearted sibling teasing and instances when you have each other's backs.
How you feel about the ending will depend on how you handle relationships with difficult family members. I appreciated it and found it a bit emotional how it spoke to how sometimes we make peace with our family's flaws and limitations and find small wins to maintain a connection.
Overall, if you enjoy reading about dysfunctional families and mental illness, I recommend. Perfect for fans of ‘Sorrow and Bliss’ by Meg Mason and Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine.
-----
“There are two types of people in the world: those who view life as a comedy with a few tragic moments, and those who view it as a tragedy with a few funny moments.”
“Hearing Hanna apologize is shockingly rare. Just as rare, in fact, as hearing their mother apologize. Generally, Alice thinks, neither one of them ever does apologize. The closest they will come is to say something like, ‘I’m sorry you can’t see when people are acting in your best interest' [their mother to Hanna] or ‘I’m sorry you feel I’m such a burden’ [their mother to Alice] or ‘I’m sorry I’m not perfect, like Saint Alice’ [Hanna to their mother]. Or, their mother’s favorite of all: simply, coldly, ‘I’m sorry you feel that way.’ Some of these statements might briefly sound like an apology, but they are of course Trojan Horses, non-apologies in the guise of almost-apologies”.
August 9, 2022
4.5 estranged family members, rounded up to 5.
This, to me, is a story in two parts, firstly, a funeral - Aunt Katy - with all the bits that go along with that, then - a longer section- families.
Alice is a Good Girl, reliable, possibly boring, takes the safe route. Her twin, Hanna is the opposite, and their mostly disapproving elder brother, Michael looms over them. Add into this Celia, their mother, who is brought up in the shadow of her sister Katy’s mental illness, and somewhat left behind.
This heartwarming but occasionally amusing novel dealing with the ramifications of parenting (honestly, we’re doing the best we can!) throughout the generations is an absolute nailed-it type read.
Celia’s parents are distant and disinterested, and as soon as she can leave, she does, to her own marriage; and becomes a distant and disinterested mother herself, to Michael, Alice and Hanna.
Following these main characters, plus a few others, friends, ex-husband, co-workers, flatmates, this melodically woven story traverses generations, and shows us the inner workings of the parent/child and sibling/sibling relationships, giving cause to reflect upon our own upbringing/parenting. (Spoiler alert - while I still think of my brother as an annoying 18 year old, he is, in fact, a married father of 2 in his early 50s, and our weekly or so messenger updates, after obligatory child boast and picture of Bob the sheep, soon descend into gifs of the ‘you’re dumb’ type. But that’s our thing, and we cling to it until the next time). What would Rebecca Wait make of that?
Highly recommend this story of motherhood, mental health, and siblinghood.
This, to me, is a story in two parts, firstly, a funeral - Aunt Katy - with all the bits that go along with that, then - a longer section- families.
Alice is a Good Girl, reliable, possibly boring, takes the safe route. Her twin, Hanna is the opposite, and their mostly disapproving elder brother, Michael looms over them. Add into this Celia, their mother, who is brought up in the shadow of her sister Katy’s mental illness, and somewhat left behind.
This heartwarming but occasionally amusing novel dealing with the ramifications of parenting (honestly, we’re doing the best we can!) throughout the generations is an absolute nailed-it type read.
Celia’s parents are distant and disinterested, and as soon as she can leave, she does, to her own marriage; and becomes a distant and disinterested mother herself, to Michael, Alice and Hanna.
Following these main characters, plus a few others, friends, ex-husband, co-workers, flatmates, this melodically woven story traverses generations, and shows us the inner workings of the parent/child and sibling/sibling relationships, giving cause to reflect upon our own upbringing/parenting. (Spoiler alert - while I still think of my brother as an annoying 18 year old, he is, in fact, a married father of 2 in his early 50s, and our weekly or so messenger updates, after obligatory child boast and picture of Bob the sheep, soon descend into gifs of the ‘you’re dumb’ type. But that’s our thing, and we cling to it until the next time). What would Rebecca Wait make of that?
Highly recommend this story of motherhood, mental health, and siblinghood.
July 2, 2023
Every character in this was all kinds of hateful though Alice’s passivity proved to be the most irritating trait. In other news, Celia officially joins my unhinged queens of 2023 list.
April 16, 2023
My first read (well, listen) from Rebecca Wait and I was actually really impressed. (3 stars is a good rating if you look at the descriptions for ratings!).
Reading through other reviews, there are definitely some really obvious tropes going on, particularly in the characterisation. We have: a people pleaser daughter, an emotionally absent father, a staid mother, a narcissist. Or, let me introduce you to the family: Celia has three children and herself painfully socially awkward, neurotic and anxious; eldest child Michael who is obsessed with money and success, failing to understand why his sisters can't behave the same way as him; unfailingly generous Alice who lacks emotional awareness and any kind of self-confidence; and her feisty twin Hanna, incredibly academically gifted but emotionally unstable.
But these bunch of characters into any situation, shake them around a bit, and you're going to have a compelling story! It's a very light read despite the various mental breakdowns and toxic relationships. This type of read seems quite popular at the moment, and lots of people who've read this have likened it to Sorrow and Bliss by Meg Mason - incidentally on my TBR at some point list.
It was good, I enjoyed reading it, but I wonder whether this style of book is becoming a bit formulaic...
Reading through other reviews, there are definitely some really obvious tropes going on, particularly in the characterisation. We have: a people pleaser daughter, an emotionally absent father, a staid mother, a narcissist. Or, let me introduce you to the family: Celia has three children and herself painfully socially awkward, neurotic and anxious; eldest child Michael who is obsessed with money and success, failing to understand why his sisters can't behave the same way as him; unfailingly generous Alice who lacks emotional awareness and any kind of self-confidence; and her feisty twin Hanna, incredibly academically gifted but emotionally unstable.
But these bunch of characters into any situation, shake them around a bit, and you're going to have a compelling story! It's a very light read despite the various mental breakdowns and toxic relationships. This type of read seems quite popular at the moment, and lots of people who've read this have likened it to Sorrow and Bliss by Meg Mason - incidentally on my TBR at some point list.
It was good, I enjoyed reading it, but I wonder whether this style of book is becoming a bit formulaic...
July 8, 2022
I often struggle with books about mothers, sisters and daughter because of my own personal; relationships, so when one comes along that is realistic, honest and raw like this, it is lie therapy for me. Estrangement and dysfunction are key in this book, with a dusting of humour, sarcasm and wit for good measure (enjoy the Shakespeare at the wake!). Rebecca Wait walks you through the emotional journey of each character; you are with them at every step of the way. Alice, Hanna and Michael. Michael is the favourite, and disapproves of Alice and Hanna’s life choices. Their mother, Celia, had clear favourites and made no attempt raise them as siblings, more like enemies or acquaintances. Their father was not really there, even before he left. Then there is the event that really made it all worse. It is the death of Aunty Kay that brings them in proximity to one another, and is the catalyst for Alice and Hanna specifically to deal with their mother. Each chapter follows a different character; a different perspective. Each chapter gives a little more to what is really happening and what it is all coming to. There are no distinct agendas or leanings towards one point of view over another, and this really does help to understand perspective. How twin sisters could be so different. How and why their brother felt so important and superior. Why Celia, their mother was the way she was. And Aunty Kay, oh Aunty Kay. The way in which mental health and wellbeing was canvassed and portrayed in this book was touching, sensitive and done with love. We are exposed to how mental illness affects a range of characters, and we see it through their eyes over time. The book’s title is apt: empathy and sincerity can be hard to give and receive. The movement between time and characters does not deflect from the witty and bittersweet emotion that so many dysfunctional families experience. Such a great character driven book, grab yourself a copy of this book!
July 7, 2022
This is one of those novels that is entirely driven by character. The plot is the family and where they are and how they got there. We begin at a funeral, a darkly comedic affair that immediately sets the tone of the novel. I loved it and was instantly hooked. From there, we move back and forth, and between the perspectives of each family member, each chapter forming a crucial piece within the story of this dysfunctional family. I adored the alternating perspectives, the author cleverly showing us how one person’s truth can be wildly coloured by another’s own experiences and interpretations.
I veered throughout between liking and loathing each character for varied reasons, but overall, I came to understand them all, and consequently, form an attachment to them all. I particularly loved Alice and Hanna, their relationship as twins not your regular sort, in fact, almost with a divide between them that seemed exacerbated by being twins rather than enhanced by it. The mother force within this novel was quite tangible and toxic, and I appreciated so much how the author showed the way in which a lack of nurturing can have inter-generational consequences. There was much to ponder on whilst reading this one.
Essentially, the novel orbits around mental illness within families and there’s a precision to the way in which the author weaves this into the very fabric of each family member’s psyche. It’s a story about impact and reverberation, misplaced intentions, and the many things we repress, hide, and refuse to see until they implode. Fresh and unique, I highly recommend this one.
Thanks to the publisher for the review copy.
I veered throughout between liking and loathing each character for varied reasons, but overall, I came to understand them all, and consequently, form an attachment to them all. I particularly loved Alice and Hanna, their relationship as twins not your regular sort, in fact, almost with a divide between them that seemed exacerbated by being twins rather than enhanced by it. The mother force within this novel was quite tangible and toxic, and I appreciated so much how the author showed the way in which a lack of nurturing can have inter-generational consequences. There was much to ponder on whilst reading this one.
Essentially, the novel orbits around mental illness within families and there’s a precision to the way in which the author weaves this into the very fabric of each family member’s psyche. It’s a story about impact and reverberation, misplaced intentions, and the many things we repress, hide, and refuse to see until they implode. Fresh and unique, I highly recommend this one.
Thanks to the publisher for the review copy.
February 21, 2022
Absorbing, well written story about human behavior in a somewhat dysfunctional family dealing. The story was told in dual timelines and from the perspectives of the various family members, so the reader gets to see the many perspectives and a well-rounded, fuller picture. Overall I really enjoyed this one; Rebecca Wait is a great storyteller and her often flawed characters were intriguing and relationships well developed and stayed with me the last few days. I was gifted an advance copy of this book by NetGalley and Quercus Books and was under no obligation to provide a review.
July 17, 2023
I am not sure why the reviews said this was a funny book. It is an honest portrayal of family complications but talk of mental health being funny didn’t add up here. I was ready to give it one star but added another one for the ending.
April 6, 2025
This was a sharp, emotionally intelligent novel that dives deep into the tangled web of family dynamics with wit, honesty, and a biting sense of humour.
Wait centres her story on an upper-middle class family (through two generations) with a particular focus on Alice, Hanna under the shadow of their distant mother. Michael and an absentee father round off Wait's main cast of characters. Wait offers a realistic, often painfully relatable depiction of how family shapes us in ways both visible and deeply buried.
Personally, I found the strength of the novel lies in its nuanced portrayal of sibling relationships and the long-term impact of emotional neglect. Alice and Hanna struggle in themseleves in greatly different ways owing to a strained relationship with their mother. Wait is nuaced in her approach, though, by writing in multiple POVs (very seamlessly, I might add) to afford a voice for each character's internal struggles. This means the reader is afforded an insight into Celia, who believes herself a good mother.
The dialogue feels authentic, and the internal struggles of the characters are layered and subtle. Wait doesn't shy away from the messy contradictions that define real families—loyalty and resentment, love and guilt, connection, and isolation often coexist in the same scene.
I do feel the narrative was somewhat rushed towards the end as we find out what leads to the fricition between Alice and Hanna. In this, I think we lose the poignancy of the sisters reconnecting and reconcilling from past events - it felt too brief and shallow given the complexities of their relationship. Michael also felt like an underdeveloped character used by Wait to play into the golden boy cliche and mother's and their sons. There's so much more that could have been done with this, in my opinion.
Overall, "I'm Sorry You Feel That Way" is a compelling and thoughtful read, especially for those who like character studies over plot. It’s a very raw narrative that shows the realities of family dynamics in a way where most of us will resonate with it.
Wait centres her story on an upper-middle class family (through two generations) with a particular focus on Alice, Hanna under the shadow of their distant mother. Michael and an absentee father round off Wait's main cast of characters. Wait offers a realistic, often painfully relatable depiction of how family shapes us in ways both visible and deeply buried.
Personally, I found the strength of the novel lies in its nuanced portrayal of sibling relationships and the long-term impact of emotional neglect. Alice and Hanna struggle in themseleves in greatly different ways owing to a strained relationship with their mother. Wait is nuaced in her approach, though, by writing in multiple POVs (very seamlessly, I might add) to afford a voice for each character's internal struggles. This means the reader is afforded an insight into Celia, who believes herself a good mother.
The dialogue feels authentic, and the internal struggles of the characters are layered and subtle. Wait doesn't shy away from the messy contradictions that define real families—loyalty and resentment, love and guilt, connection, and isolation often coexist in the same scene.
I do feel the narrative was somewhat rushed towards the end as we find out what leads to the fricition between Alice and Hanna. In this, I think we lose the poignancy of the sisters reconnecting and reconcilling from past events - it felt too brief and shallow given the complexities of their relationship. Michael also felt like an underdeveloped character used by Wait to play into the golden boy cliche and mother's and their sons. There's so much more that could have been done with this, in my opinion.
Overall, "I'm Sorry You Feel That Way" is a compelling and thoughtful read, especially for those who like character studies over plot. It’s a very raw narrative that shows the realities of family dynamics in a way where most of us will resonate with it.
June 17, 2025
4.5⭐
Обожаю ничего не знать о книге! На самом деле довольно тяжёлая история о семье где не все гладко. Меня тронуло невероятно, тем много, раскрыто все тоже отлично, за тревожность пожалуй небольшой минус. Разговаривайте чаще пожалуйста, жить так и правда легче
Обожаю ничего не знать о книге! На самом деле довольно тяжёлая история о семье где не все гладко. Меня тронуло невероятно, тем много, раскрыто все тоже отлично, за тревожность пожалуй небольшой минус. Разговаривайте чаще пожалуйста, жить так и правда легче
July 1, 2022
Rebecca Wait's second novel is a really carefully crafted and thought provoking story all about family dynamics - seen, unseen, assumed. It goes backwards in time and forwards to the present moment.
There's non-identical twins, Hanna and Alice, and their brother Michael. Michael is emotionally evasive, Hanna is a runaway and rebellious girl who faces bad mental health in her late teens. Alice is seen as 'noble' within her family unit. Both sisters find it hard to make friends at school all the way through to university. They miss the normal social cues.
Their mother Celia is a real conundrum. She's petty, needy, emotionally retarded, sad and feels 'abandoned' and ultimately 'unloved and unlovely'. She is one of those parents who 'think their children will be theirs forever'. There's a purely nasty streak to Celia - she breaks up her friend Anne's engagement to Paul, stealing him off her randomly when she goes to help him with ring shopping.
Paul is a pretty pathetic and absent father and husband to them all. He's blinkered by his mediocre toy selling job and leaves his family for another woman, making them fend for themselves in deeper and darker ways emotionally.
We also span back to Celia's childhood with her peculiar sister, Katy, who is later diagnosed as schizophrenic. There seems to be a theme of denial running through their parents, which Celia takes forward to her adulthood and parenting.
There are some really comical moments in the book which made me laugh out loud. Watch out for the pain au raisin debacle in the cafe, the ferret at the party and even Paul's accidental death (to a certain point).
Alice witnesses something which has devastating consequences on Hanna's life and leaves her in a difficult position as to how to respond. The scene between the sisters when Alice updates Hanna is brilliantly shocking in the betrayal, anger and hurt felt by Hanna.
The writing style is understated, not overdone and brilliantly observational. It's quietly strong.. And there are glimmers of tenderness and normality between Celia and her children. One instance is in the hospital at the end of the story, where Celia and her daughters reminisce about childhood food. There's also a sense of reconciliation and love (to a certain degree) between them.
I'm Sorry You Feel That Way is a deeply interesting exploration of family dynamics - what behaviour is inherited from one generation to the next and makes you ask why exactly? People can buck bad habits if they are aware and if they wish. Some of these characters just don't have that in them - they and those around them pay high emotional prices along the way.
There's non-identical twins, Hanna and Alice, and their brother Michael. Michael is emotionally evasive, Hanna is a runaway and rebellious girl who faces bad mental health in her late teens. Alice is seen as 'noble' within her family unit. Both sisters find it hard to make friends at school all the way through to university. They miss the normal social cues.
Their mother Celia is a real conundrum. She's petty, needy, emotionally retarded, sad and feels 'abandoned' and ultimately 'unloved and unlovely'. She is one of those parents who 'think their children will be theirs forever'. There's a purely nasty streak to Celia - she breaks up her friend Anne's engagement to Paul, stealing him off her randomly when she goes to help him with ring shopping.
Paul is a pretty pathetic and absent father and husband to them all. He's blinkered by his mediocre toy selling job and leaves his family for another woman, making them fend for themselves in deeper and darker ways emotionally.
We also span back to Celia's childhood with her peculiar sister, Katy, who is later diagnosed as schizophrenic. There seems to be a theme of denial running through their parents, which Celia takes forward to her adulthood and parenting.
There are some really comical moments in the book which made me laugh out loud. Watch out for the pain au raisin debacle in the cafe, the ferret at the party and even Paul's accidental death (to a certain point).
Alice witnesses something which has devastating consequences on Hanna's life and leaves her in a difficult position as to how to respond. The scene between the sisters when Alice updates Hanna is brilliantly shocking in the betrayal, anger and hurt felt by Hanna.
The writing style is understated, not overdone and brilliantly observational. It's quietly strong.. And there are glimmers of tenderness and normality between Celia and her children. One instance is in the hospital at the end of the story, where Celia and her daughters reminisce about childhood food. There's also a sense of reconciliation and love (to a certain degree) between them.
I'm Sorry You Feel That Way is a deeply interesting exploration of family dynamics - what behaviour is inherited from one generation to the next and makes you ask why exactly? People can buck bad habits if they are aware and if they wish. Some of these characters just don't have that in them - they and those around them pay high emotional prices along the way.
July 7, 2023
3.5 stars
A novel about relationships within a dysfunctional family pertaining to how childhood upbringing affects life into adulthood, and its ramifications on future generations (i.e. parents —> child)
I found this book got more interesting halfway through. The first half wasn’t boring, but there were long stretches of writing on internal monologue without an interesting event to accompany them. I found myself craving more ‘spirited’ (as Celia would put it) character dialogues like Hanna’s with some dark humor or witty remarks which Alice or Celias characters lack, which can get boring as the reader, although this may have been the intended effect for these characters.
Nevertheless, I found the second half more enjoyable where Hanna took more Center stage both in POV’s and plot, where her relationship with Alice was more explored. I also enjoyed Celias POV more where she focused on how she feels about the girls which helped combat her annoying overbearing / slighting behaviour as seen through the sisters eyes.
Michael wasn’t memorable in my opinion; the women in the family took more center stage. I didn’t really mind this though, as he didn’t have much of an ‘interesting’ personality and fell flat for me.
Overall, don’t regret reading this book. I picked it up as I’m really enjoying the ‘books like fleabag’ or ‘women that need therapy’ sub genre at the moment. However, I would recommend the ‘The Bell Jar’, ‘Bunny’ or ‘My Year of Rest and Relaxation’ over this, as they have more interesting plot events and more compelling characters in my opinion.
A novel about relationships within a dysfunctional family pertaining to how childhood upbringing affects life into adulthood, and its ramifications on future generations (i.e. parents —> child)
I found this book got more interesting halfway through. The first half wasn’t boring, but there were long stretches of writing on internal monologue without an interesting event to accompany them. I found myself craving more ‘spirited’ (as Celia would put it) character dialogues like Hanna’s with some dark humor or witty remarks which Alice or Celias characters lack, which can get boring as the reader, although this may have been the intended effect for these characters.
Nevertheless, I found the second half more enjoyable where Hanna took more Center stage both in POV’s and plot, where her relationship with Alice was more explored. I also enjoyed Celias POV more where she focused on how she feels about the girls which helped combat her annoying overbearing / slighting behaviour as seen through the sisters eyes.
Michael wasn’t memorable in my opinion; the women in the family took more center stage. I didn’t really mind this though, as he didn’t have much of an ‘interesting’ personality and fell flat for me.
Overall, don’t regret reading this book. I picked it up as I’m really enjoying the ‘books like fleabag’ or ‘women that need therapy’ sub genre at the moment. However, I would recommend the ‘The Bell Jar’, ‘Bunny’ or ‘My Year of Rest and Relaxation’ over this, as they have more interesting plot events and more compelling characters in my opinion.
September 21, 2023
Loved this read. Reminded me a lot of another favourite Meg Mason’s Sorrow and Bliss. Alice, the people pleasing neurotically anxious, Hanna the child with predetermined character traits, and Michael, his fathers mirror. Great insight into dysfunctional families, mothers with mental health issues, and the trauma that it inflicts upon her children, reverberating out in their adult personalities and actions. Terribly sad but with moments of joy and hope which allude to the possibility of some form of relationship in adulthood despite childhood trauma. It was a frustrating read at times where you just wanted the characters all to go to therapy and learn how to be happy post trauma.
August 25, 2024
A beautiful story based in reality. How your relationships with your parents and siblings shapes your future ability to create relationships. Generational trauma, mental health issues, strained family relationships are all covered, without feeling heavy or too much. Funny and emotional.
I loved this book to put it simply.
"Imagine not having to take your mother's every remark and hold it up to the light to detect the sharp edge".
I loved this book to put it simply.
"Imagine not having to take your mother's every remark and hold it up to the light to detect the sharp edge".
December 9, 2022
I guess like a more comic Sally Rooney - the minutiae of family interaction and trauma. Very readable. Really good.
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July 3, 2023lets get this out of the way: i bought this book purely because of the cover.
but: the cover... is really, really misleading. i wouldve bought this either way, but it couldve set the right expectations. i hope they update it with something better, because a lot of people will miss out and i agree with whats on the front cover: this comparison with sorrow and bliss is appropriate.
this was really, really good. the main conclusion is that we cant escape our parents, eh?
highly recommend, if you care about my recommendations, that is.
i did have to create the 'best of 2023' shelf for this, so.
but: the cover... is really, really misleading. i wouldve bought this either way, but it couldve set the right expectations. i hope they update it with something better, because a lot of people will miss out and i agree with whats on the front cover: this comparison with sorrow and bliss is appropriate.
this was really, really good. the main conclusion is that we cant escape our parents, eh?
highly recommend, if you care about my recommendations, that is.
i did have to create the 'best of 2023' shelf for this, so.
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