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Ace Voices: What it Means to Be Asexual, Aromantic, Demi or Grey-Ace
How do we experience attraction?
What does love mean to us?
When did you realise you were ace?
This is the ace community in their own words.
Drawing upon interviews with a wide range of people across the asexual spectrum, Eris Young is here to take you on an empowering, enriching journey through the rich multitudes of asexual life.
With chapters spanning everything from dating, relationships and sex, to mental and emotional health, family, community and joy, the inspirational stories and personal experiences within these pages speak to aces living and loving in unique ways. Find support amongst the diverse narratives of aces sex-repulsed and sex-favourable, alongside voices exploring what it means to be black and ace, to be queer and ace, or ace and multi-partnered - and use it as a springboard for your own ace growth.
Do you see a story like your own?
What does love mean to us?
When did you realise you were ace?
This is the ace community in their own words.
Drawing upon interviews with a wide range of people across the asexual spectrum, Eris Young is here to take you on an empowering, enriching journey through the rich multitudes of asexual life.
With chapters spanning everything from dating, relationships and sex, to mental and emotional health, family, community and joy, the inspirational stories and personal experiences within these pages speak to aces living and loving in unique ways. Find support amongst the diverse narratives of aces sex-repulsed and sex-favourable, alongside voices exploring what it means to be black and ace, to be queer and ace, or ace and multi-partnered - and use it as a springboard for your own ace growth.
Do you see a story like your own?
288 pages, Paperback
First published December 21, 2022
124 people are currently reading
3811 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 209 reviews
November 6, 2023
TW//
It kills me to have to give a book about asexuality such a low star rating. I’m asexual, so I understand how important books about asexuality can be. However, I found that Ace Voices didn’t work for me at all and I unfortunately hated every moment I spent with this book.
The biggest issue is that this book reads like an academic essay or a scientific paper. It doesn’t even read like a well-written one. It relies heavily on the results of surveys, but the inclusion of these survey results was very disjointed. There would be strings of one quote following another in a way that was jarring and made me feel disconnected from the book. The choice to include survey results from specific people also didn’t work well because I felt that using initials like “RR” instead of a person’s name made these people’s stories feel like they were being reported for a science study as opposed to sharing what was supposed to be intimate details about real people’s lives. Everything about the inclusion of survey results made this book extremely boring and honestly slightly inaccessible. If you’re not super familiar with reading complex academic articles, you may struggle with understanding and getting through this book.
I think there was three ways that this book could’ve worked better:
1. If the author chose to write about their personal experience with asexuality. It would read more like a memoir, but I think it would be meaningful for Eris Young’s unique life experiences to be shared in detail with readers.
2. If each chapter had been an essay written by the survey respondents. Honestly me (and a lot of other people) assumed that that’s what this book would be. If the survey respondents were given time to share their experiences with asexuality without the disjointed quote formatting, it would’ve been a lot more powerful and impactful.
3. If this book had stuck solely to facts with no personal experiences so people could learn ace and aro terms. This was not what Eris was intending with their book though since they constantly question the need for labels and strict defintions in their book.
It’s also worth noting that this book is called “Ace Voices” yet it discusses aromanticism in detail. The title is very misleading because asexuality and aromanticism are two very different identities. “Aro and Ace Voices” or “Results from Aro and Ace Surveys” would be more fitting titles for this book.
There are a couple good things this book did, but these elements were not huge parts of the book. There was a good discussion of how asexuality intersects with race (though this had less to do with what the author wrote and more to do with the different people that Eris was quoting). There was also really useful comprehensive trigger warnings at the start of the book and before any chapters that contained triggering content. More books need to use clear trigger warnings so that readers are prepared for what they’re about to read.
I feel bad for being so harsh on this book, but I feel that a lot of people will struggle to finish this book so readers should opt instead to read an asexuality book that is easier to get through. I Am Ace: Advice on Living Your Best Asexual Life by Cody Daigle-Orians is my current go-to recommendation. It teaches asexuality for people who want to learn more about it and it also gives advice to asexual people who are learning to navigate the dating world whilst being asexual.
I received a copy of this book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
It kills me to have to give a book about asexuality such a low star rating. I’m asexual, so I understand how important books about asexuality can be. However, I found that Ace Voices didn’t work for me at all and I unfortunately hated every moment I spent with this book.
The biggest issue is that this book reads like an academic essay or a scientific paper. It doesn’t even read like a well-written one. It relies heavily on the results of surveys, but the inclusion of these survey results was very disjointed. There would be strings of one quote following another in a way that was jarring and made me feel disconnected from the book. The choice to include survey results from specific people also didn’t work well because I felt that using initials like “RR” instead of a person’s name made these people’s stories feel like they were being reported for a science study as opposed to sharing what was supposed to be intimate details about real people’s lives. Everything about the inclusion of survey results made this book extremely boring and honestly slightly inaccessible. If you’re not super familiar with reading complex academic articles, you may struggle with understanding and getting through this book.
I think there was three ways that this book could’ve worked better:
1. If the author chose to write about their personal experience with asexuality. It would read more like a memoir, but I think it would be meaningful for Eris Young’s unique life experiences to be shared in detail with readers.
2. If each chapter had been an essay written by the survey respondents. Honestly me (and a lot of other people) assumed that that’s what this book would be. If the survey respondents were given time to share their experiences with asexuality without the disjointed quote formatting, it would’ve been a lot more powerful and impactful.
3. If this book had stuck solely to facts with no personal experiences so people could learn ace and aro terms. This was not what Eris was intending with their book though since they constantly question the need for labels and strict defintions in their book.
It’s also worth noting that this book is called “Ace Voices” yet it discusses aromanticism in detail. The title is very misleading because asexuality and aromanticism are two very different identities. “Aro and Ace Voices” or “Results from Aro and Ace Surveys” would be more fitting titles for this book.
There are a couple good things this book did, but these elements were not huge parts of the book. There was a good discussion of how asexuality intersects with race (though this had less to do with what the author wrote and more to do with the different people that Eris was quoting). There was also really useful comprehensive trigger warnings at the start of the book and before any chapters that contained triggering content. More books need to use clear trigger warnings so that readers are prepared for what they’re about to read.
I feel bad for being so harsh on this book, but I feel that a lot of people will struggle to finish this book so readers should opt instead to read an asexuality book that is easier to get through. I Am Ace: Advice on Living Your Best Asexual Life by Cody Daigle-Orians is my current go-to recommendation. It teaches asexuality for people who want to learn more about it and it also gives advice to asexual people who are learning to navigate the dating world whilst being asexual.
I received a copy of this book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
October 10, 2022
I requested the book as soon as I saw the title on NetGalley and I immediately regretted it. Not necessarily because I didn’t want to read it, but I wondered what the contribution of this book would be. It seemed similar to Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex by Angela Chen and I worried it would be either similar to it or just a long Wiki-like explanation about what asexuality is. In a way, there are definitions and there are conversations that you can find in Angela Chen’s book (and Refusing Compulsory Sexuality: A Black Asexual Lens on Our Sex-Obsessed Culture by Sherronda J. Brown), but I am happy to say this was worth the read. At some point, Young mentions they wrote the book to be active participants in the ace discussion, and they not only did this but also included the many interviewees in it as well.
I really enjoyed the interviews and loved the portions highlighted by the author. I feel a big part of the asexual movement is just us fighting for visibility [[and Young makes a great point that we need to start emphasizing our singularities rather than how much like everyone we’re like]], and the interviews were such a good addition to make this happen.
The book dwells in the ace definitions and the ongoing debates on ace and gender, and ace and sex; I think the addition of talking about the micro-labels was really good, I am used to only seeing people talk about the main labels (aro, ace, gray, etc.) and learning about cupiosexuals and so for was nice.
Other conversations I liked were the ones about asexuals and religion (especially with the Catholic church that glorifies celibacy) and asexuals in relation to the LGBTQA+ community. Knowing that most ace peeps think of themselves as LGBTQ but are rejected by the community, was quite interesting; it’s something that I know quite well, but it’s ironically interesting to see that none of us see asexuality as outside of LGBTQ.
The book also adds discussion questions and an occasional trigger warning, which were both great additions.
My only criticism is that I would have liked to see a bit of discussion about, not only ethnic minorities, internet access, and gender, but also people who do not speak English at all. How do they access ace language? Has it transferred to other languages already?
Anyways, loved that I read this!
*ARC received via NetGalley, this has not impacted my rating whatsoever.
I really enjoyed the interviews and loved the portions highlighted by the author. I feel a big part of the asexual movement is just us fighting for visibility [[and Young makes a great point that we need to start emphasizing our singularities rather than how much like everyone we’re like]], and the interviews were such a good addition to make this happen.
The book dwells in the ace definitions and the ongoing debates on ace and gender, and ace and sex; I think the addition of talking about the micro-labels was really good, I am used to only seeing people talk about the main labels (aro, ace, gray, etc.) and learning about cupiosexuals and so for was nice.
Other conversations I liked were the ones about asexuals and religion (especially with the Catholic church that glorifies celibacy) and asexuals in relation to the LGBTQA+ community. Knowing that most ace peeps think of themselves as LGBTQ but are rejected by the community, was quite interesting; it’s something that I know quite well, but it’s ironically interesting to see that none of us see asexuality as outside of LGBTQ.
The book also adds discussion questions and an occasional trigger warning, which were both great additions.
My only criticism is that I would have liked to see a bit of discussion about, not only ethnic minorities, internet access, and gender, but also people who do not speak English at all. How do they access ace language? Has it transferred to other languages already?
Anyways, loved that I read this!
*ARC received via NetGalley, this has not impacted my rating whatsoever.
July 21, 2022
I'm having such a hard time rating this book. When I requested the ARC, I thought it would be lots of different people telling stories about what being A-spec means to them. I thought, like the title suggests, that there would be a lot of different voices featured. I guess I thought it would be different chapters featuring different people's stories. Instead it's the author using quotes from various people to sort of back up the various points they are making. Which is fine, I just never really got a sense of what any of those other people were like, I didn't feel like I knew their stories.
The writing style here wasn't a great match for me as a reader. It felt very academic in tone and really dragged for me in parts. I found the discussion questions (and occasional "homework") at the end of each chapter sort of odd? I'm just not sure who the book is aimed at in terms of the tone and format. I do think the author offered up a lot of their own experiences, which I appreciate, but it still didn't have the personal tone that I think I might have connected with better? I just so wanted it to be more in depth about a range of people's experiences. And the short quotes interspersed throughout didn't do that for me.
There were also some blanket statements that caught me a bit off guard. When discussing the difficulties of being asexual and navigating dealing with medical professionals, the author writes "Never is it accepted that we might just be the way we are." And while I completely see that medical professionals are very often not helpful and indeed harmful when it comes to understanding asexuality, saying it is never accepted feels untrue and depressing AF. Later on, the author says "while people who don't feel sexual attraction or who don't fall in romantic love are perceived/seen/framed as fundamentally "other", inherently different from "normal people", I don't think that's true." I appreciate the sentiment, I don't think it's true either, but this had me feeling like they are always perceived that way, which I also don't think is true or a helpful way to frame it. The word "sometimes" could do some important work there. And maybe I'm being unfair and picky, but I do think that while there were definitely ways this book made me feel much less alone in some things, and gave me some really important ideas to mull over, in some ways it made me feel even more like being asexual is othering. Maybe that's just because I'm still new to learning about all of this and I avoid people whenever possible, especially online, so most of what I know about being A-spec is from books, which maybe have given me a more positive (and unrealistic) view of things than I'd have if I were engaging with other people on the topic more.
Those qualms aside, there was a lot of helpful information here. I absolutely learned some new things and gained some new perspectives. There were plenty of sections I highlighted to read when I need a reminder that I'm not alone in how I feel or that there's nothing wrong with being the way I am. There was a quote from an ace woman in 1981 about the way asexuality "is seen as a negativity, a lack" and that's one of the things that was explored in the book, but that I would have loved to see explored in more depth from a range of voices. I guess because for me personally it's one of the things I really struggle with. It so often feels like I'm not built the way other people are, there are so many things other people enjoy that I just don't. It can make me feel like I'm lacking this ability for enjoyment that other people have and it's so hard to get past feeling like I wish I were different and get to a place where I'm accepting of who I actually am.
I did really love the chapter titled "Joy" and did feel like the book tried very hard to be positive while also being realistic about challenges. I also found the list of resources at the end helpful, though the fictional media section felt chaotic and needed to be organized better. Overall I'd say this book is important and useful, it just didn't have the tone or style that I'd hoped and because the writing style wasn't really my jam I found it hard to connect with a lot of the time.
The writing style here wasn't a great match for me as a reader. It felt very academic in tone and really dragged for me in parts. I found the discussion questions (and occasional "homework") at the end of each chapter sort of odd? I'm just not sure who the book is aimed at in terms of the tone and format. I do think the author offered up a lot of their own experiences, which I appreciate, but it still didn't have the personal tone that I think I might have connected with better? I just so wanted it to be more in depth about a range of people's experiences. And the short quotes interspersed throughout didn't do that for me.
There were also some blanket statements that caught me a bit off guard. When discussing the difficulties of being asexual and navigating dealing with medical professionals, the author writes "Never is it accepted that we might just be the way we are." And while I completely see that medical professionals are very often not helpful and indeed harmful when it comes to understanding asexuality, saying it is never accepted feels untrue and depressing AF. Later on, the author says "while people who don't feel sexual attraction or who don't fall in romantic love are perceived/seen/framed as fundamentally "other", inherently different from "normal people", I don't think that's true." I appreciate the sentiment, I don't think it's true either, but this had me feeling like they are always perceived that way, which I also don't think is true or a helpful way to frame it. The word "sometimes" could do some important work there. And maybe I'm being unfair and picky, but I do think that while there were definitely ways this book made me feel much less alone in some things, and gave me some really important ideas to mull over, in some ways it made me feel even more like being asexual is othering. Maybe that's just because I'm still new to learning about all of this and I avoid people whenever possible, especially online, so most of what I know about being A-spec is from books, which maybe have given me a more positive (and unrealistic) view of things than I'd have if I were engaging with other people on the topic more.
Those qualms aside, there was a lot of helpful information here. I absolutely learned some new things and gained some new perspectives. There were plenty of sections I highlighted to read when I need a reminder that I'm not alone in how I feel or that there's nothing wrong with being the way I am. There was a quote from an ace woman in 1981 about the way asexuality "is seen as a negativity, a lack" and that's one of the things that was explored in the book, but that I would have loved to see explored in more depth from a range of voices. I guess because for me personally it's one of the things I really struggle with. It so often feels like I'm not built the way other people are, there are so many things other people enjoy that I just don't. It can make me feel like I'm lacking this ability for enjoyment that other people have and it's so hard to get past feeling like I wish I were different and get to a place where I'm accepting of who I actually am.
I did really love the chapter titled "Joy" and did feel like the book tried very hard to be positive while also being realistic about challenges. I also found the list of resources at the end helpful, though the fictional media section felt chaotic and needed to be organized better. Overall I'd say this book is important and useful, it just didn't have the tone or style that I'd hoped and because the writing style wasn't really my jam I found it hard to connect with a lot of the time.
August 10, 2022
Any book about asexuality makes me emotional but I ofcourse can’t resist reading because where else will I be able to get to know more about the kind of feelings and experiences that might feel similar to mine. This was definitely a very good one where the author gave a lot of their thoughts as well as comments from other a-spec people who were part of this project - talking about their fluid identities, what asexuality means to them, how they view relationships and what kind do they want to have, their dynamic with sex and how much it is/was influenced by societal conditioning that sex and amatonormativity is a universal experience and anyone outside of these norms are missing out, and more.
There was a lot to absorb in this book and I feel like it’ll be something I’ll go back to again and again, especially when I need some affirmations. As someone who can’t really be out as ace irl and has certain expectations which I can’t avoid, I definitely need books like this to help me reassure myself that I’m not built wrong and my feelings and identity are valid. There is so much I could say because I’m having too many feelings, but I just don’t wanna go on a personal tangent in this review. Definitely recommend if you are an a-spec person or is trying to figure out if you fall somewhere on the spectrum.
There was a lot to absorb in this book and I feel like it’ll be something I’ll go back to again and again, especially when I need some affirmations. As someone who can’t really be out as ace irl and has certain expectations which I can’t avoid, I definitely need books like this to help me reassure myself that I’m not built wrong and my feelings and identity are valid. There is so much I could say because I’m having too many feelings, but I just don’t wanna go on a personal tangent in this review. Definitely recommend if you are an a-spec person or is trying to figure out if you fall somewhere on the spectrum.
June 1, 2023
I feel so torn about how to rate this!! I was really excited to read this book but found it dry and kind of hard to get into. The author reported on their own research, and so it read more as an unusually interesting research paper than as a nonfiction book. The author included lots of quotes, which I loved, and also ended every chapter with discussion questions. I'm not 100% sure what the intended audience was - I would have preferred if this was more focused on the participants and included longer interviews with them or was more of a facts-only book.
I wanted to love this, but didn't totally. I would recommend Angela Chen's book Ace for someone looking for more of an academic read and Rebecca Burgess's book How to Be Ace for a more informal read. This book seemed to be trying to be both and never really achieved either.
All in all - this is an important topic and I learned a lot. I just think the execution could have used some refinement and clarification on audience.
Thanks so much to Eris Young and Jessica Kingsley Publishers for this ARC through NetGalley! Ace Voices is available now!
I wanted to love this, but didn't totally. I would recommend Angela Chen's book Ace for someone looking for more of an academic read and Rebecca Burgess's book How to Be Ace for a more informal read. This book seemed to be trying to be both and never really achieved either.
All in all - this is an important topic and I learned a lot. I just think the execution could have used some refinement and clarification on audience.
Thanks so much to Eris Young and Jessica Kingsley Publishers for this ARC through NetGalley! Ace Voices is available now!
January 7, 2023
Thank you to Netgalley for an eARC in exchange for an honest opinion. All opinions are my own.
3.5 rounded up.
Ace Voices is non-fiction about various terms and intersections present in the aspec community. This book very much highlights both asexual and aromantic voices, and the author is both, so seeing this only titled Ace is very misleading and feels a little like aro erasure. Yes people can be both things at once, but they can also only be asexual or only aromantic. In the beginning the author also mentions an argument they were going to make that will convince people that aromanticism and asexuality are the same, but I still very much disagree. Ultimately I didn't even really see an argument about them being the same thing in this text, but even if it was there I don't agree.
Besides that point, I highly enjoyed this book. It was interesting that it had discussion questions at the end of each chapter. I feel like these can be geared towards allo allies, aspec people beginning to question or even aspec people wanting to explore how new terms could represent how they experience attraction. I don't know if I really learned anything new, but as I'm someone who's very plugged into the aroace community, this doesn't surprise me.
I most enjoyed seeing how other aspec people related and hearing personal anecdotes. I do kind of wish we got longer snippets from the interviews or even got to have these people write whole essays like in Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex. Overall, decent non-fiction aspec text.
3.5 rounded up.
Ace Voices is non-fiction about various terms and intersections present in the aspec community. This book very much highlights both asexual and aromantic voices, and the author is both, so seeing this only titled Ace is very misleading and feels a little like aro erasure. Yes people can be both things at once, but they can also only be asexual or only aromantic. In the beginning the author also mentions an argument they were going to make that will convince people that aromanticism and asexuality are the same, but I still very much disagree. Ultimately I didn't even really see an argument about them being the same thing in this text, but even if it was there I don't agree.
Besides that point, I highly enjoyed this book. It was interesting that it had discussion questions at the end of each chapter. I feel like these can be geared towards allo allies, aspec people beginning to question or even aspec people wanting to explore how new terms could represent how they experience attraction. I don't know if I really learned anything new, but as I'm someone who's very plugged into the aroace community, this doesn't surprise me.
I most enjoyed seeing how other aspec people related and hearing personal anecdotes. I do kind of wish we got longer snippets from the interviews or even got to have these people write whole essays like in Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex. Overall, decent non-fiction aspec text.
October 21, 2022
5/5 stars
Another non-fiction ace book for the year, but every time I take something new out of it, and this time, I realised this is a workbook! It has questions to make you think about everything that is being explained, and that might be super helpful, especially for baby aces or people who are just grasping the concepts of asexuality and aromanticism. Also, the mistake of calling "Ace Voices" a book that also deals with aromanticism, even though it is not a sexual orientation or necessarily related to asexuality has been addressed by the author themselves in a very satisfying way.
Furthermore, the amount of people who were interviewed for this or spoken to was quite big, making the demographic extremely diverse and wonderfully spread around experiences and identities on the spectrum.
Another non-fiction ace book for the year, but every time I take something new out of it, and this time, I realised this is a workbook! It has questions to make you think about everything that is being explained, and that might be super helpful, especially for baby aces or people who are just grasping the concepts of asexuality and aromanticism. Also, the mistake of calling "Ace Voices" a book that also deals with aromanticism, even though it is not a sexual orientation or necessarily related to asexuality has been addressed by the author themselves in a very satisfying way.
Furthermore, the amount of people who were interviewed for this or spoken to was quite big, making the demographic extremely diverse and wonderfully spread around experiences and identities on the spectrum.
August 9, 2022
A spiritual sequel to Angela Chen's Ace.
The writing was vulnerable, warm, and relatable. I appreciated the author going into topics such as the importance of online friendships, how COVID-19 affected the Ace community, deconstructing the relationship hierarchy, queerplatonic relationships, kink and polyamory as they relate to the Ace community.
Many books I've read on Asexuality focus heavily on defining and explaining terms; so it was nice seeing topics relating to the day to day lives of Aces folks included.
I will be recommending this book to many of my Cake loving friends!
***I received an ARC of this book from Netgalley and Jessica Kingsley Publishers in exchange for my review. ***
The writing was vulnerable, warm, and relatable. I appreciated the author going into topics such as the importance of online friendships, how COVID-19 affected the Ace community, deconstructing the relationship hierarchy, queerplatonic relationships, kink and polyamory as they relate to the Ace community.
Many books I've read on Asexuality focus heavily on defining and explaining terms; so it was nice seeing topics relating to the day to day lives of Aces folks included.
I will be recommending this book to many of my Cake loving friends!
***I received an ARC of this book from Netgalley and Jessica Kingsley Publishers in exchange for my review. ***
August 14, 2022
**I received an e-arc from NetGalley**
As someone who identifies as asexual, I'm always looking for more literature about asexuality/a-spec identities, but I'm honestly not totally sure how I feel about this one. From the start, I think my expectations were wrong, which threw me off a bit. I was expecting it to be essays or stories from many different a-spec people, which is not what this book is. And that's totally fine, but I was a tad disappointed by this. The author includes a decent amount of quotes from the people they interviewed for the book, which is great, but I also found it to be overwhelming at times because of the sheer amount of people being referenced. And if they were referenced again at another section in the book, I usually couldn't remember what had been shared by this person in previous chapters. I would have loved to have whole chapters dedicated to these interviewees so I could learn more about them as individuals and get a better picture of who they are and what their stories/experiences are as a-spec people.
I don't know who exactly this book is being marketed towards; it feels like it is supposed to be marketed towards a-spec individuals, but the discussion questions at the end of the chapters felt like they were for non-a-spec people, or for people who are maybe in the early questioning stages. It was also just very dense and at times I found myself feeling a bit bored and struggling to get through the chapters. Nonfiction isn't a genre I normally read, but I have read multiple nonfiction books that I have flown through so maybe it was the writing style or format of this one that just didn't work for me. All this to say, this is in no way a bad book. I just don't think it was the right book for me.
As someone who identifies as asexual, I'm always looking for more literature about asexuality/a-spec identities, but I'm honestly not totally sure how I feel about this one. From the start, I think my expectations were wrong, which threw me off a bit. I was expecting it to be essays or stories from many different a-spec people, which is not what this book is. And that's totally fine, but I was a tad disappointed by this. The author includes a decent amount of quotes from the people they interviewed for the book, which is great, but I also found it to be overwhelming at times because of the sheer amount of people being referenced. And if they were referenced again at another section in the book, I usually couldn't remember what had been shared by this person in previous chapters. I would have loved to have whole chapters dedicated to these interviewees so I could learn more about them as individuals and get a better picture of who they are and what their stories/experiences are as a-spec people.
I don't know who exactly this book is being marketed towards; it feels like it is supposed to be marketed towards a-spec individuals, but the discussion questions at the end of the chapters felt like they were for non-a-spec people, or for people who are maybe in the early questioning stages. It was also just very dense and at times I found myself feeling a bit bored and struggling to get through the chapters. Nonfiction isn't a genre I normally read, but I have read multiple nonfiction books that I have flown through so maybe it was the writing style or format of this one that just didn't work for me. All this to say, this is in no way a bad book. I just don't think it was the right book for me.
February 4, 2023
This was a wonderful non-fiction read that I think many people will enjoy and get a lot out of!
I think what makes Ace Voices so special is all of the, well, ace voices! It was really interesting, engaging, and unique to have all of these snippets from real people with varied experiences, talking about their relationships and identities, in their own words. I loved how unique the voices were and how distinct the personalities and stories were; in particular I really enjoyed how the author would share one comment from a respondent and immediately contrast it with someone who had a completely different point of view. In doing so, I think the author did a really good job of providing a better understanding of all of the nuance and complexity of a-spec identity and community. Even though I already knew a lot of the basics and had heard about many of the concepts before, I still learned a lot and was introduced to various ideas that complicated or elaborated upon what I was already familiar with.
All in all, a solid read that I would highly recommend! My biggest complaint is not about the book itself but the format in which it was downloaded into my NetGalley app as a pdf file, which meant I couldn’t adjust the text and had to read every page on my screen in its entirety, so it wasn’t exactly an enjoyable reading experience for my eyes!
I think what makes Ace Voices so special is all of the, well, ace voices! It was really interesting, engaging, and unique to have all of these snippets from real people with varied experiences, talking about their relationships and identities, in their own words. I loved how unique the voices were and how distinct the personalities and stories were; in particular I really enjoyed how the author would share one comment from a respondent and immediately contrast it with someone who had a completely different point of view. In doing so, I think the author did a really good job of providing a better understanding of all of the nuance and complexity of a-spec identity and community. Even though I already knew a lot of the basics and had heard about many of the concepts before, I still learned a lot and was introduced to various ideas that complicated or elaborated upon what I was already familiar with.
All in all, a solid read that I would highly recommend! My biggest complaint is not about the book itself but the format in which it was downloaded into my NetGalley app as a pdf file, which meant I couldn’t adjust the text and had to read every page on my screen in its entirety, so it wasn’t exactly an enjoyable reading experience for my eyes!
September 1, 2023
2.5/2.75*
So, I have quite a few things to say about this book (as an aroace person).
First and most important: if you have little to no knowledge of the aroace identities or amatonormativity (which is most allo people) or you're new and/or questioning a-spec that is still unsure about a lot of aroace stuff, this book would be very informative for you. However, if you don't fall in either of these two categories... this book is basically pointless for you.
I won't discuss every chapter, as I don't have much to say about some but for a few chapters... I do have opinions. And I very much want to talk about the aromanticism in this book.
Some positives:
- I do liked the chapter "A-spec and the LGBTQ+ Community" as a whole. It affirmed so well why aroace-specs are part of the queer community (why is this still a debate??) and addressed so well the treatment we sometimes get from the rest of the queer community. I thought the author may not want to get into this subject but they did and they did it well
- I also liked quite a lot how the book constantly acknowledged there is a culture nuance, that what they're talking about is at least in the West and how they tried to include non-white people and cultures. Maybe I'm so used to Amricans talking about their experiences like they're universal when in reality the experiences are just American/Western but I'm glad to see here it was acknowledged it's talked about the Western perspective and not the whole world.
Now... some negatives. I'll talk about them chapter by chapter because I want to be clear as possible.
Chapter "Who Are We?"
Ever since I saw the title of the book, I had an issue with it... "Ace Voices: What it Means to Be Asexual, Aromantic, Demi or Grey-Ace". It makes aromantic seems like it falls under the ace umbrella when it very much doesn't.
Now, consider how surprised I was when I saw this quote that acknowledged exactly what I was concerned with:
Very early in the process of writing this book, I received an anonymous response to my Google contact form from an aromantic person. They said that the early version of my “pitch” [...] “the experiences of asexual people” made them uncomfortable, because I was (to quote them) “referring to this as a book about asexuality and then including aromanticism as if it’s under the umbrella term of asexual”. They went on to say:
"Aromanticism is so pushed aside and forgotten about already, even more so than asexuality is, and I feel like constantly as someone who’s aro and ace spec, people are just like ah an ace."
I was shocked [...] that my usage of the word “asexual” as an umbrella term – a usage that I had encountered in both scholarship on and writing from within the a-spec community – could spark such a visceral reaction in someone. It had not been my intention to exclude or diminish any part of my community, so receiving this response felt as if the rug had been pulled out from under me.
[...] I had decided early on that this book would be useless if it wasn’t as inclusive as possible, so I settled on “a-spec” – the word I use to refer to my community as a whole – throughout the book
Like??? I'm so confused? If this has been pointed out to the author, why is the title of the book "Ace Voices"? What's going on here?
As someone who is fed up with aromanticism being swept under the rug of asexuality I am kind of pissed with how this whole issue is handled.
Chapter "What Is Love?"
I'm incredibly disappointed with this chapter. I don't understand how the author openly said they want to knock of sex off its pedestal, yet don't do the same for romance? More accurately: don't do the same for love. Why the idea of love, the very concept for love wasn't questioned? The book talked so much about the difference views on relationships, about relationship anarchy and yet? It missed the core that should be actually questioned under all of this - love itself. The author mentioned how "this book would be useless if it wasn’t as inclusive as possible" and yet it completely leaves non-partnering aros and loveless aros out of the conversation. I hated that.
"[...] is that romantic love carries as much preconception and social baggage around it as sex does" - remove 'romantic' from 'love' and a whole new door would be open for a discussion and exploration. Instead, it's the plain old "every type of love is important and valid". So disappointing.
Chapter "Sex"
First and foremost, there's misusing of language here. Which is quite ironic, considering how much emphasis of languages the author put on a few times through the book.
Actually, it was quite confusing to me because in the chapter "Intersectionality" it IS said "sex positivity – an attitude that embraces human sexuality, taking it as fact that women are equally (and universally) possessed of sexual drive as men" - it is implied this is a philosophy and a world-view. Then why in this chapter this term is used so out of place?
There is this quote from one of the interviewees:
Some of us are sex positive [...] Some of us are sex neutral [...] Some of us are sex repulsed or sex averse [...]
I find it irritating that not only this misleading wording isn't explained but it's loudly affirmed later on. Because these terms does NOT fall on the same category as each other opposites:
- The 'opposite' of sex positive is sex negative - this has nothing to do with your personal sexuality or libido or sex-life. Sex positivity is believing that everyone are allowed to engage in consensual sex. Sex negativity is believing that sex is dirty and how dare you have sex before marriage. The between is sex neutral.
- The 'opposite' of sex repulsed is sex favorable. I truly do not understand why 'sex favorable' is never used in this book. Being sex repulsed (or averse) means you individually to not want sex or to be put off by it. Being sex favorable means you enjoy sex and are open to it. The betwen is sex-indifferent.
I felt this whole thing wasn't even clear to the author themself, let alone in their book.
Another thing that I personally was bothered by in this chapter is the extreme emphasis on how it's basically untrue trauma causes asexuality (or aromanticism for that matter but aromanticism gradually was decentralized and never mentioned here anyway so).
Which, yes, I get what the author is trying to do. It's wrong to assume someone is ace because they're traumatized and yes, it is a dangerous assumption that allos absolutely shouldn't have. Especially considering the history of asexuality being labeled as illness. All of that is true and I agree with.
However... There ARE people who identify as ace or aro because of their trauma. There is a microlabel regarding that - caedosexual. It's true that it absolutely shouldn't be assumed one's ace because of trauma or illness that can be 'fixed'. But then again, such people actually exist. Once again, a portion of the community is isolated.
Chapter "The Future of Relationships"
I'm adding this chapter to the list only because I want to talk about QPR that were discussed. First, I want to point out this quote:
Despite the fact that the term [queerplatonic] was officially coined over ten years ago, I had never encountered it until I started writing this book and getting more involved with the a-spec community.
When I first read it I was slightly alarmed. The book was published 2022, the author mentioned it took them two years to write... I questioned whether it's right a person who came across the term so recently to talk so in depth about it? I couldn't answer this question to myself.
I'm gonna be transparent here: even as a realized aroace for a couple of years now I can't fully grasp what QPR is. I always look for possible explanations or stories that portraits it that can maybe make it more clear to me. Because I kind of don't accept the 'something betwen friendship and romance' as good enough. Call me picky but I prefer the term to be explained without additional terms.
Another thing... the author didn't acknowledge the QPR within the community properly in my opinion. They did it only in one perspective. I was disappointed but not surprised, as it's the meme. I personally find QPR as an alternate form of bond to be a beautiful thing about our community. However, more often than most of us wants to admit QPR had been put on the same pedestal romance once was. Nothing has changed about the system of the hierarchy of relationships - there's this one golden type of bond on the top that everyone desrires and seek. The internalized a(ro)phobia and the hierarchy of relationships are not overcome at all - just better at being hidden from us.
It's not something that is commonly talked about at all and the aro community would need A LOT more visibility for this issue to be noticed by more people. And this is not happening any time soon.
Aromanticism in the book
This is not a chapter but I very much want to discuss it.
In the beginning the author does acknowledge this the area where they're more unsure of: "The boundaries around the category of “aromantic” didn’t seem as clear, and (at the time) I didn’t think I had any personal experience with it." I do not want to pick apart the author's experience with their own identity or to ""criticize"" them for being at whatever point of their journey. That being said... I have to say it's painfully obvious they're more familiar with asexuality than aromanticism. At least for me. I don't know if it's the people around them, the community, the online spaces or their own relationship with their aroace-ness - and it doesn't matter either way, as it's no one's business but their own. But I hate to admit this has affected the book.
In the beginning, it was taken care aromanticism to be included along asexuality. I liked that a lot and I was glad because I added the book to my TBR mainly because of the word 'aromantic' in the title and nothing else. However, gradually the focus was shifted to asexuality (mostly). The two became to casually blend together and even the the chapter "What is Love?" (because it wasn't disappointing enough) that should be concerned with aros the most barely seemed to have an aro focus.
Even the last chapter "Joy" that seemed to try to center author's own experience with being greyro and ace as a whole, without using either label, failed when the interviewees's quotes started to came in. For me personally it was a little disheartening how only the asexual/ace and aroace words were used and never aromantic/aro.
___
Overall the whole book is... fine. Mostly. It'd be a good one for newbies into the whole aro/ace business but that's it. If you're aroace that isn't freshly realized as one (or one that haven't been in the a-spec community), this book has little to nothing to offer to you.
So, I have quite a few things to say about this book (as an aroace person).
First and most important: if you have little to no knowledge of the aroace identities or amatonormativity (which is most allo people) or you're new and/or questioning a-spec that is still unsure about a lot of aroace stuff, this book would be very informative for you. However, if you don't fall in either of these two categories... this book is basically pointless for you.
I won't discuss every chapter, as I don't have much to say about some but for a few chapters... I do have opinions. And I very much want to talk about the aromanticism in this book.
Some positives:
- I do liked the chapter "A-spec and the LGBTQ+ Community" as a whole. It affirmed so well why aroace-specs are part of the queer community (why is this still a debate??) and addressed so well the treatment we sometimes get from the rest of the queer community. I thought the author may not want to get into this subject but they did and they did it well
- I also liked quite a lot how the book constantly acknowledged there is a culture nuance, that what they're talking about is at least in the West and how they tried to include non-white people and cultures. Maybe I'm so used to Amricans talking about their experiences like they're universal when in reality the experiences are just American/Western but I'm glad to see here it was acknowledged it's talked about the Western perspective and not the whole world.
Now... some negatives. I'll talk about them chapter by chapter because I want to be clear as possible.
Chapter "Who Are We?"
Ever since I saw the title of the book, I had an issue with it... "Ace Voices: What it Means to Be Asexual, Aromantic, Demi or Grey-Ace". It makes aromantic seems like it falls under the ace umbrella when it very much doesn't.
Now, consider how surprised I was when I saw this quote that acknowledged exactly what I was concerned with:
Very early in the process of writing this book, I received an anonymous response to my Google contact form from an aromantic person. They said that the early version of my “pitch” [...] “the experiences of asexual people” made them uncomfortable, because I was (to quote them) “referring to this as a book about asexuality and then including aromanticism as if it’s under the umbrella term of asexual”. They went on to say:
"Aromanticism is so pushed aside and forgotten about already, even more so than asexuality is, and I feel like constantly as someone who’s aro and ace spec, people are just like ah an ace."
I was shocked [...] that my usage of the word “asexual” as an umbrella term – a usage that I had encountered in both scholarship on and writing from within the a-spec community – could spark such a visceral reaction in someone. It had not been my intention to exclude or diminish any part of my community, so receiving this response felt as if the rug had been pulled out from under me.
[...] I had decided early on that this book would be useless if it wasn’t as inclusive as possible, so I settled on “a-spec” – the word I use to refer to my community as a whole – throughout the book
Like??? I'm so confused? If this has been pointed out to the author, why is the title of the book "Ace Voices"? What's going on here?
As someone who is fed up with aromanticism being swept under the rug of asexuality I am kind of pissed with how this whole issue is handled.
Chapter "What Is Love?"
I'm incredibly disappointed with this chapter. I don't understand how the author openly said they want to knock of sex off its pedestal, yet don't do the same for romance? More accurately: don't do the same for love. Why the idea of love, the very concept for love wasn't questioned? The book talked so much about the difference views on relationships, about relationship anarchy and yet? It missed the core that should be actually questioned under all of this - love itself. The author mentioned how "this book would be useless if it wasn’t as inclusive as possible" and yet it completely leaves non-partnering aros and loveless aros out of the conversation. I hated that.
"[...] is that romantic love carries as much preconception and social baggage around it as sex does" - remove 'romantic' from 'love' and a whole new door would be open for a discussion and exploration. Instead, it's the plain old "every type of love is important and valid". So disappointing.
Chapter "Sex"
First and foremost, there's misusing of language here. Which is quite ironic, considering how much emphasis of languages the author put on a few times through the book.
Actually, it was quite confusing to me because in the chapter "Intersectionality" it IS said "sex positivity – an attitude that embraces human sexuality, taking it as fact that women are equally (and universally) possessed of sexual drive as men" - it is implied this is a philosophy and a world-view. Then why in this chapter this term is used so out of place?
There is this quote from one of the interviewees:
Some of us are sex positive [...] Some of us are sex neutral [...] Some of us are sex repulsed or sex averse [...]
I find it irritating that not only this misleading wording isn't explained but it's loudly affirmed later on. Because these terms does NOT fall on the same category as each other opposites:
- The 'opposite' of sex positive is sex negative - this has nothing to do with your personal sexuality or libido or sex-life. Sex positivity is believing that everyone are allowed to engage in consensual sex. Sex negativity is believing that sex is dirty and how dare you have sex before marriage. The between is sex neutral.
- The 'opposite' of sex repulsed is sex favorable. I truly do not understand why 'sex favorable' is never used in this book. Being sex repulsed (or averse) means you individually to not want sex or to be put off by it. Being sex favorable means you enjoy sex and are open to it. The betwen is sex-indifferent.
I felt this whole thing wasn't even clear to the author themself, let alone in their book.
Another thing that I personally was bothered by in this chapter is the extreme emphasis on how it's basically untrue trauma causes asexuality (or aromanticism for that matter but aromanticism gradually was decentralized and never mentioned here anyway so).
Which, yes, I get what the author is trying to do. It's wrong to assume someone is ace because they're traumatized and yes, it is a dangerous assumption that allos absolutely shouldn't have. Especially considering the history of asexuality being labeled as illness. All of that is true and I agree with.
However... There ARE people who identify as ace or aro because of their trauma. There is a microlabel regarding that - caedosexual. It's true that it absolutely shouldn't be assumed one's ace because of trauma or illness that can be 'fixed'. But then again, such people actually exist. Once again, a portion of the community is isolated.
Chapter "The Future of Relationships"
I'm adding this chapter to the list only because I want to talk about QPR that were discussed. First, I want to point out this quote:
Despite the fact that the term [queerplatonic] was officially coined over ten years ago, I had never encountered it until I started writing this book and getting more involved with the a-spec community.
When I first read it I was slightly alarmed. The book was published 2022, the author mentioned it took them two years to write... I questioned whether it's right a person who came across the term so recently to talk so in depth about it? I couldn't answer this question to myself.
I'm gonna be transparent here: even as a realized aroace for a couple of years now I can't fully grasp what QPR is. I always look for possible explanations or stories that portraits it that can maybe make it more clear to me. Because I kind of don't accept the 'something betwen friendship and romance' as good enough. Call me picky but I prefer the term to be explained without additional terms.
Another thing... the author didn't acknowledge the QPR within the community properly in my opinion. They did it only in one perspective. I was disappointed but not surprised, as it's the meme. I personally find QPR as an alternate form of bond to be a beautiful thing about our community. However, more often than most of us wants to admit QPR had been put on the same pedestal romance once was. Nothing has changed about the system of the hierarchy of relationships - there's this one golden type of bond on the top that everyone desrires and seek. The internalized a(ro)phobia and the hierarchy of relationships are not overcome at all - just better at being hidden from us.
It's not something that is commonly talked about at all and the aro community would need A LOT more visibility for this issue to be noticed by more people. And this is not happening any time soon.
Aromanticism in the book
This is not a chapter but I very much want to discuss it.
In the beginning the author does acknowledge this the area where they're more unsure of: "The boundaries around the category of “aromantic” didn’t seem as clear, and (at the time) I didn’t think I had any personal experience with it." I do not want to pick apart the author's experience with their own identity or to ""criticize"" them for being at whatever point of their journey. That being said... I have to say it's painfully obvious they're more familiar with asexuality than aromanticism. At least for me. I don't know if it's the people around them, the community, the online spaces or their own relationship with their aroace-ness - and it doesn't matter either way, as it's no one's business but their own. But I hate to admit this has affected the book.
In the beginning, it was taken care aromanticism to be included along asexuality. I liked that a lot and I was glad because I added the book to my TBR mainly because of the word 'aromantic' in the title and nothing else. However, gradually the focus was shifted to asexuality (mostly). The two became to casually blend together and even the the chapter "What is Love?" (because it wasn't disappointing enough) that should be concerned with aros the most barely seemed to have an aro focus.
Even the last chapter "Joy" that seemed to try to center author's own experience with being greyro and ace as a whole, without using either label, failed when the interviewees's quotes started to came in. For me personally it was a little disheartening how only the asexual/ace and aroace words were used and never aromantic/aro.
___
Overall the whole book is... fine. Mostly. It'd be a good one for newbies into the whole aro/ace business but that's it. If you're aroace that isn't freshly realized as one (or one that haven't been in the a-spec community), this book has little to nothing to offer to you.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 8, 2023
As I’ve noted in other reviews, perhaps most recently
Refusing Compulsory Sexuality
, being ace (asexual) in our society is no picnic. While I won’t deny there are benefits to opting out of the compulsory sexuality of our society, the fact that we must, indeed, opt out is problematic. In particular, I think that many a-spec people have a hard time figuring out their labels—partly because asexuality encompasses a lot of overlapping identities, but also because, as a phenomenon, it remains either erased/ignored or misrepresented/misunderstood. With Ace Voices: What it Means to Be Asexual, Aromantic, Demi or Grey-Ace, Eris Young seeks to change that. Thank you to Jessica Kingsley Publishers and NetGalley for the eARC in exchange for a review!
Young examines their understanding of their own asexuality (and how it intersects with other aspects of their identity, such as being transgender). Along the way, they cover some basic definitions (ever wondered what the difference is between being demisexual versus grey-asexual?) and include excerpts from interviews and surveys, both ones they conducted personally and others conducted through organizations like AVEN. The result is a book that is at times personal but overall attempts to affirm that there is no one right way to be asexual.
This in and of itself is crucial, for one of our major struggles within and outside of queer spaces is being misunderstood. Sometimes it’s a conflation of asexuality with celibacy or prudery. Sometimes we do it ourselves in a rush to explain that “don’t worry, ace people still have sex/‘normal’ romantic feelings!” to make aces seem less Other. Whatever the case, asexuality is as vulnerable to gatekeeping and misunderstanding as any other umbrella identity within the larger queer tent.
Let’s get the critiques out of the way first. Young’s writing style, and perhaps more importantly, their organizational style, doesn’t entirely work for me. The book kind of jumps around from topic to topic without a clear through line. This might just be a personal hang-up when it comes to non-fiction, but I actually like a narrative. I like chapters with framing stories and inciting incidents. This book is more of a collection of essays and ideas, and while that isn’t bad, it also hasn’t done more for me than inform me.
That being said, I appreciate how this book tries to cover a lot of ground. Young’s voice is passionate, knowledgeable, but also humble. They make it clear that they are not trying to be the authority—or even an authority—on asexuality. This humility makes the book more approachable and accessible.
Indeed, I think there are two good audiences for this book. First, young ace or a-spec-questioning people who want to learn more about asexuality without diving too far an academic rabbit hole. Ace Voices definitely checks that “overview/introductory text” box. The second audience, in contrast, would be allosexual/alloromantic people.
See, even as publishing opens up its doors to more diverse books, I think we still face a problem of siloing. This is true for fiction—Black authors, for example, are regularly told their books don’t have “crossover appeal,” whereas apparently white authors’ books just appeal to everyone naturally? It’s true for non-fiction too. Memoirs and other books that foreground queer experiences become marketed to queer people—especially young queer people, as inspiration fodder. There is nothing wrong with that in and of itself. However, I want to challenge non-queer people to seek out books about queerness. I want to challenge allosexual or alloromantic people to learn more about asexuality and aromanticism—and this book would be a good place for you to start.
I’m reminded of a similar book about trans people that I read in 2017. The author was cis, and you can imagine how bad it was at covering the subject as a result and accurately representing trans people’s voices (I am not even going to link to it in this review, it was so bad). Young’s authenticity in this space, the way they share their experience while also making room for experiences that are different, is so important. Overall, Ace Voices didn’t jump out at me as something spectacular. But it’s very solid, and it’s exciting to see books like this published, finally.
Originally posted on Kara.Reviews, where you can easily browse all my reviews and subscribe to my newsletter.
Young examines their understanding of their own asexuality (and how it intersects with other aspects of their identity, such as being transgender). Along the way, they cover some basic definitions (ever wondered what the difference is between being demisexual versus grey-asexual?) and include excerpts from interviews and surveys, both ones they conducted personally and others conducted through organizations like AVEN. The result is a book that is at times personal but overall attempts to affirm that there is no one right way to be asexual.
This in and of itself is crucial, for one of our major struggles within and outside of queer spaces is being misunderstood. Sometimes it’s a conflation of asexuality with celibacy or prudery. Sometimes we do it ourselves in a rush to explain that “don’t worry, ace people still have sex/‘normal’ romantic feelings!” to make aces seem less Other. Whatever the case, asexuality is as vulnerable to gatekeeping and misunderstanding as any other umbrella identity within the larger queer tent.
Let’s get the critiques out of the way first. Young’s writing style, and perhaps more importantly, their organizational style, doesn’t entirely work for me. The book kind of jumps around from topic to topic without a clear through line. This might just be a personal hang-up when it comes to non-fiction, but I actually like a narrative. I like chapters with framing stories and inciting incidents. This book is more of a collection of essays and ideas, and while that isn’t bad, it also hasn’t done more for me than inform me.
That being said, I appreciate how this book tries to cover a lot of ground. Young’s voice is passionate, knowledgeable, but also humble. They make it clear that they are not trying to be the authority—or even an authority—on asexuality. This humility makes the book more approachable and accessible.
Indeed, I think there are two good audiences for this book. First, young ace or a-spec-questioning people who want to learn more about asexuality without diving too far an academic rabbit hole. Ace Voices definitely checks that “overview/introductory text” box. The second audience, in contrast, would be allosexual/alloromantic people.
See, even as publishing opens up its doors to more diverse books, I think we still face a problem of siloing. This is true for fiction—Black authors, for example, are regularly told their books don’t have “crossover appeal,” whereas apparently white authors’ books just appeal to everyone naturally? It’s true for non-fiction too. Memoirs and other books that foreground queer experiences become marketed to queer people—especially young queer people, as inspiration fodder. There is nothing wrong with that in and of itself. However, I want to challenge non-queer people to seek out books about queerness. I want to challenge allosexual or alloromantic people to learn more about asexuality and aromanticism—and this book would be a good place for you to start.
I’m reminded of a similar book about trans people that I read in 2017. The author was cis, and you can imagine how bad it was at covering the subject as a result and accurately representing trans people’s voices (I am not even going to link to it in this review, it was so bad). Young’s authenticity in this space, the way they share their experience while also making room for experiences that are different, is so important. Overall, Ace Voices didn’t jump out at me as something spectacular. But it’s very solid, and it’s exciting to see books like this published, finally.
Originally posted on Kara.Reviews, where you can easily browse all my reviews and subscribe to my newsletter.
July 28, 2022
Review via a free ARC from Netgalley - thanks, lads!
I've been actively trying to read more about a-spec identities lately, as I feel like ace and a-spec people are generally very underrepresented and poorly understood. This one immediately jumped out as the one to read, promising, as it did, a wealth of a-spec experiences.
The good:
- this is a clear and concise book. At no point was anything confusing; all arguments and facts are conveyed with excellent clarity. No term is used without being first explained. Even the terms 'ace' and 'a-spec', which feature on the front cover, are explained in great detail for the less initiated reader. I found that really rather helpful, as I've always used ace and a-spec interchangeably, but now know that there are in fact subtle differences (ace referring solely to the spectrum of asexuality, and a-spec encompassing aromanticism as well) which I'm glad to have been informed about.
- the sheer amount of research that was put into this book is very impressive. Eris Young has an academic background, and they use it to excellent advantage here. Everything is backed up with citations, and the structure of the book is flawless. It's easy to navigate, the chapters are consistent, it's clearly written, and there's a wealth of sources at the back, including a list of media with ace representation. I really can't stress enough what a well considered book this is.
- the depth of ace and a-spec experience represented is, again, impressive. There are voices here from people across the spectrum, from cisgender heteroromantic asexual people to 'gender punk' quoiromantics, and I really appreciated that. It felt very authentic and hammered home the point that the stereotypical image of an ace person is just that: a stereotype. There's as much variety amongst a-spec people as any other community.
- the fact that it's written by an a-spec person makes it a much more sensitive and well informed book. I don't think an allo person would have written a book even half as thoughtful and nuanced as this.
The bad:
- I feel that the title is a little misleading. A book titled 'Ace Voices', in my opinion, suggests an anthology of essays by ace and a-spec people, which this isn't. It's a very interesting and well researched book, but it isn't entirely what the title implies.
- due to the author's decision to use acronyms for the survey respondents (e.g. SS, LH), some readers may find it difficult working out who was speaking and when, as these acronyms often got subsumed by the text. I also found that a couple of people were quoted much more frequently than others, which suggested a bit of a bias on the part of the author as to whose responses were considered worthy of lengthy inclusion.
- there are a few blanket statements in here which I think needed more nuance; there are assertions, for example, that ace people are 'never' listened to by their doctors when they say that they can't be pregnant. I have to say that I don't think this is necessarily an ace issue. I think anyone who presents as female or is AFAB can relate to this. There was also a lot of emphasis on polyamory at the end and it felt very much like this was presented as being a real pro to being ace (i.e. if you're not romantically or sexually attached, then you're more free to engage in polyamory as you're not as likely to get jealous) which doesn't really work when you consider that not all ace people are poly, and that monogamy isn't just the purview of the envious.
The ugly:
- not much! I did find it a bit problematic that, when asked for some of the best things about being ace, one of the survey respondents replied that they felt much healthier for 'not being exposed to STDs'. That seemed like a bizarrely judgemental comment about allo people. However, this was a genuine survey response to the question, and I suppose it can't be helped that this respondent has unpleasant views about people who have sex.
Overall, a very useful book for people who are curious about asexuality and aromanticism, and a very validating book for those who identify with those terms. I'm excited about the influx of books about a-spec identities coming out soon - JKP has a few others slated for release - and I hope it heralds an age of greater understanding.
I've been actively trying to read more about a-spec identities lately, as I feel like ace and a-spec people are generally very underrepresented and poorly understood. This one immediately jumped out as the one to read, promising, as it did, a wealth of a-spec experiences.
The good:
- this is a clear and concise book. At no point was anything confusing; all arguments and facts are conveyed with excellent clarity. No term is used without being first explained. Even the terms 'ace' and 'a-spec', which feature on the front cover, are explained in great detail for the less initiated reader. I found that really rather helpful, as I've always used ace and a-spec interchangeably, but now know that there are in fact subtle differences (ace referring solely to the spectrum of asexuality, and a-spec encompassing aromanticism as well) which I'm glad to have been informed about.
- the sheer amount of research that was put into this book is very impressive. Eris Young has an academic background, and they use it to excellent advantage here. Everything is backed up with citations, and the structure of the book is flawless. It's easy to navigate, the chapters are consistent, it's clearly written, and there's a wealth of sources at the back, including a list of media with ace representation. I really can't stress enough what a well considered book this is.
- the depth of ace and a-spec experience represented is, again, impressive. There are voices here from people across the spectrum, from cisgender heteroromantic asexual people to 'gender punk' quoiromantics, and I really appreciated that. It felt very authentic and hammered home the point that the stereotypical image of an ace person is just that: a stereotype. There's as much variety amongst a-spec people as any other community.
- the fact that it's written by an a-spec person makes it a much more sensitive and well informed book. I don't think an allo person would have written a book even half as thoughtful and nuanced as this.
The bad:
- I feel that the title is a little misleading. A book titled 'Ace Voices', in my opinion, suggests an anthology of essays by ace and a-spec people, which this isn't. It's a very interesting and well researched book, but it isn't entirely what the title implies.
- due to the author's decision to use acronyms for the survey respondents (e.g. SS, LH), some readers may find it difficult working out who was speaking and when, as these acronyms often got subsumed by the text. I also found that a couple of people were quoted much more frequently than others, which suggested a bit of a bias on the part of the author as to whose responses were considered worthy of lengthy inclusion.
- there are a few blanket statements in here which I think needed more nuance; there are assertions, for example, that ace people are 'never' listened to by their doctors when they say that they can't be pregnant. I have to say that I don't think this is necessarily an ace issue. I think anyone who presents as female or is AFAB can relate to this. There was also a lot of emphasis on polyamory at the end and it felt very much like this was presented as being a real pro to being ace (i.e. if you're not romantically or sexually attached, then you're more free to engage in polyamory as you're not as likely to get jealous) which doesn't really work when you consider that not all ace people are poly, and that monogamy isn't just the purview of the envious.
The ugly:
- not much! I did find it a bit problematic that, when asked for some of the best things about being ace, one of the survey respondents replied that they felt much healthier for 'not being exposed to STDs'. That seemed like a bizarrely judgemental comment about allo people. However, this was a genuine survey response to the question, and I suppose it can't be helped that this respondent has unpleasant views about people who have sex.
Overall, a very useful book for people who are curious about asexuality and aromanticism, and a very validating book for those who identify with those terms. I'm excited about the influx of books about a-spec identities coming out soon - JKP has a few others slated for release - and I hope it heralds an age of greater understanding.
January 12, 2024
There's so much information in Eris Young’s Ace Voices, it's taken me quite a while to work my way through and digest it all.
I was expecting the author’s story about their personal journey, and Ace Voices is not that. Young’s book is a combination of interviews and the results of surveys they had conducted. It is mostly expository, and I found the snippets from the interviews to be most interesting and enlightening.
The subject matter is fascinating because it is constantly changing, and I’ll say bravo to Young for getting this book out there. By continuing the conversation, and shedding some light on the multitude of the continually evolving definitions of the human experience.
an arc of Ace Voices was provided by Jessica Kingsley Publishers, via NetGalley for the purpose of my honest review, all opinions are my own
I was expecting the author’s story about their personal journey, and Ace Voices is not that. Young’s book is a combination of interviews and the results of surveys they had conducted. It is mostly expository, and I found the snippets from the interviews to be most interesting and enlightening.
The subject matter is fascinating because it is constantly changing, and I’ll say bravo to Young for getting this book out there. By continuing the conversation, and shedding some light on the multitude of the continually evolving definitions of the human experience.
an arc of Ace Voices was provided by Jessica Kingsley Publishers, via NetGalley for the purpose of my honest review, all opinions are my own
November 28, 2025
„Perhaps ironically, realising I’m not alone has made me more comfortable with being on my own. Now that I know I can be ace and still have love, companionship, family and community, I also know I can stand on my own two feet. I don’t need anyone else just because society tells me I do, and I’m more determined than ever to live life on my own terms.“
Hat sich stellenweise etwas gezogen und mich nicht auf dem gleichen Level abgeholt wie „ACE“ von Angela Chen, aber trotzdem gab es viele Momente, die ich sehr berührend und nachvollziehbar fand. Außerdem ist das Buch gut recherchiert!
Hat sich stellenweise etwas gezogen und mich nicht auf dem gleichen Level abgeholt wie „ACE“ von Angela Chen, aber trotzdem gab es viele Momente, die ich sehr berührend und nachvollziehbar fand. Außerdem ist das Buch gut recherchiert!
January 23, 2023
An interesting and insightful book exploring the live of a-spec people and how we interact with the world.
This is a book that would be ideal for someone who is new to a-spec communities or is questioning, or for allo allies who know the basics and want to learn more. I will say, however, that for people who already have an awareness of the a-spec community or have read other non-fiction books about asexuality there's little new ground covered here (it did in places feel like reading stuff I'd previously read).
I really liked the inclusion of interviews with various a-spec people that gave an insight into our wide array of experiences. However, at time they did feel a little all randomly sliced in. It was also nearly impossible to remember who was who and if we had heard from a person before.
Overall, this was still an great and informative read and I am very glad this book - and its positive attitude towards being ace and aro - exists.
This is a book that would be ideal for someone who is new to a-spec communities or is questioning, or for allo allies who know the basics and want to learn more. I will say, however, that for people who already have an awareness of the a-spec community or have read other non-fiction books about asexuality there's little new ground covered here (it did in places feel like reading stuff I'd previously read).
I really liked the inclusion of interviews with various a-spec people that gave an insight into our wide array of experiences. However, at time they did feel a little all randomly sliced in. It was also nearly impossible to remember who was who and if we had heard from a person before.
Overall, this was still an great and informative read and I am very glad this book - and its positive attitude towards being ace and aro - exists.
December 22, 2022
Thank you to Jessica Kingsley Publishers and Net Galley for access to an arc of this book in exchange for an honest review.
Ace Voices is a brilliant exploration of the ace experience through the own voices of the community. As one of the most misunderstood and unknown parts of the LGBTQIA+ community, it’s so refreshing to see people get to tell their own experiences and meanings - especially to see how fluid these terms are, how they mean different things to different people, and how ultimately these labels are more about how they make you feel, and what they mean to you, than about labelling yourself for understanding by society.
As someone who read this while coming to terms with their own asexuality and aromanticism, I can say this book is absolutely vital to learning to understand yourself and the terminology at your disposal as an ace spectrum individual.
Ace Voices is a brilliant exploration of the ace experience through the own voices of the community. As one of the most misunderstood and unknown parts of the LGBTQIA+ community, it’s so refreshing to see people get to tell their own experiences and meanings - especially to see how fluid these terms are, how they mean different things to different people, and how ultimately these labels are more about how they make you feel, and what they mean to you, than about labelling yourself for understanding by society.
As someone who read this while coming to terms with their own asexuality and aromanticism, I can say this book is absolutely vital to learning to understand yourself and the terminology at your disposal as an ace spectrum individual.
August 10, 2022
As a new member to the a-spec community, I haven’t had many opportunities to read ace-centered books. And I am thrilled that this was the first ace non-fiction book I was able to read. There was an abundance of positivity and self-acceptance, but it was also full of knowledge and history I wasn’t previously aware of. Undoubtedly, this book will be another important addition to the a-spec space.
This book took me longer to get through than I anticipated, but that is largely due to my reading habits. I don't normally pick up nonfiction books; but when I do, I try to make it one that will help me learn more about myself. In this case, this book served as a great resource to learn more about asexuality. However, the writing style did take some time for me to adjust to. I do think that was derived from the dry, academic tone the book carried at times.
Much like the asexual and aromatic spectrums, this book, too, is fluid in its genre expression. I found the book to be a mix of academic research, an essay, and a memoir, all in one go. I’m not quite sure the book pulled off that amalgamation of genres, but better formatting may be the fix to that (more on that later).
The title was a bit misleading—it gives the impression that this book would be a collection of essays from the a-spec community—but there is no denying the helpful information this book does have. Despite a few questionable comments (such as medical professionals always wanting to diagnose asexuality as being something else), I could feel the sense of community and care the author put into this book.
Acknowledging the fact that this was an ARC copy and did not present the final formatting of the content, I do have a few comments about the formatting. First, I hope the final copy has tables to provide other visual means of displaying the author’s research. I wished for tables to break up the chunks of text detailing the statistics Eris Young received from their research. Additionally, I would have liked to see more subsections for each chapter. While it was easy to infer where the text was shifting from introduction to CEA (claim, evidence, analysis) to the conclusion, subsection headers would have further broke up the content and/or given the reader content benchmarks.
At times, the letters being used to represent participants anonymously were difficult to keep track of at time. I do think I would have been more invested in the individual stories and journeys of the a-spec community if fake names were used instead. It was difficult to keep track of participants identities via letters and not names.
To wrap up this review, I do want to pass along a giant thank you to Eris Young for dedicating time, energy, and resources into researching and writing this book. There is no doubt this will be another great asexual resource for many people who are learning about their sexuality or want to be a better ally to others.
Thank you to Jessica Kingsley Publishers and NetGalley for providing me with an ARC of this book.
This book took me longer to get through than I anticipated, but that is largely due to my reading habits. I don't normally pick up nonfiction books; but when I do, I try to make it one that will help me learn more about myself. In this case, this book served as a great resource to learn more about asexuality. However, the writing style did take some time for me to adjust to. I do think that was derived from the dry, academic tone the book carried at times.
Much like the asexual and aromatic spectrums, this book, too, is fluid in its genre expression. I found the book to be a mix of academic research, an essay, and a memoir, all in one go. I’m not quite sure the book pulled off that amalgamation of genres, but better formatting may be the fix to that (more on that later).
The title was a bit misleading—it gives the impression that this book would be a collection of essays from the a-spec community—but there is no denying the helpful information this book does have. Despite a few questionable comments (such as medical professionals always wanting to diagnose asexuality as being something else), I could feel the sense of community and care the author put into this book.
Acknowledging the fact that this was an ARC copy and did not present the final formatting of the content, I do have a few comments about the formatting. First, I hope the final copy has tables to provide other visual means of displaying the author’s research. I wished for tables to break up the chunks of text detailing the statistics Eris Young received from their research. Additionally, I would have liked to see more subsections for each chapter. While it was easy to infer where the text was shifting from introduction to CEA (claim, evidence, analysis) to the conclusion, subsection headers would have further broke up the content and/or given the reader content benchmarks.
At times, the letters being used to represent participants anonymously were difficult to keep track of at time. I do think I would have been more invested in the individual stories and journeys of the a-spec community if fake names were used instead. It was difficult to keep track of participants identities via letters and not names.
To wrap up this review, I do want to pass along a giant thank you to Eris Young for dedicating time, energy, and resources into researching and writing this book. There is no doubt this will be another great asexual resource for many people who are learning about their sexuality or want to be a better ally to others.
Thank you to Jessica Kingsley Publishers and NetGalley for providing me with an ARC of this book.
Read
August 20, 2022I'm a bit on the fence about this one. First of all, every aspec book is a huge milestone so I'm really glad it exists. There is a lot of amazing content inside and valuable insights. However, I also had quite a few issues.
(firstly: I'm a white cis aroace person which I believe is very relevant to my reading/review)
My first and main issue is with the title - why does it say "Ace" voices and mention aromantic just underneath? "Ace" is short for asexual and doesn't include "aromantic", it's a separate umbrella. The author promises in the beginning to explain that but then they consequently use "aspec" thorought the book and even go as far as to say "my decision to use 'a-spec' instead of just 'ace' as an umbrella term." If the author clearly is aware that "a-spec" is the preferred term of talking about both ace-specs and aro-specs, why does it say Ace in bold letters on the cover, once again erasing aros? Was it the publisher's decision? It's very peculiar and it almost put me off from picking up this one. (And when I celebrated getting this eARC on Bookstagram, a lot of people messaged me with??? so clearly I'm not alone in this one)
Speaking of the title, I expected to hear the stories of other aspecs but the book is largely the personal journey of the author, which would be fine if it was advertised as such (I'd love to read an aspec memoir!)...and if it wasn't intertwined with academic-like writing and inserted quotes from the interviews with other aspecs. It felt a bit messy and I wish it was either one thing or another (or, you know, two books, why not, we need all the aspec content).
I am also confused about who the target audience of this book is. Sometimes it felt like it was an introduction to the aspec community for the allos, sometimes questioning people, sometimes the community itself. My feelings were additionally muddled by the questions/homework at the end of the chapter - some of the questions seemed to be targetted at allos but many more at aspecs.
Mostly, I struggled getting through it. I've been reading it on and off for two months and while I usually devour aspec books and bask in the validation they gave me, I didn't take it out of this one and it saddened me. It might be more of a question of timing or "it's not you, it's me" but the struggle was real.
My favourite part was definitely the chapter about gender. It resonates with many conversations I've been having with other aspecs about how much of our (Western) understanding of gender is tired to cisheteropatriarchal society and especially the sort of relationships we form. It's a brilliant chapter with lots of valuable insights and I'm glad it's there.
While I definitely had issues with it, I don't want to scare anyone, aspec or allo, from getting this one. It's a great book that raises a lot of questions and challanges a lot of persistent structures. I'm glad it exists.
*Thanks NetGalley for the eARC!*
(firstly: I'm a white cis aroace person which I believe is very relevant to my reading/review)
My first and main issue is with the title - why does it say "Ace" voices and mention aromantic just underneath? "Ace" is short for asexual and doesn't include "aromantic", it's a separate umbrella. The author promises in the beginning to explain that but then they consequently use "aspec" thorought the book and even go as far as to say "my decision to use 'a-spec' instead of just 'ace' as an umbrella term." If the author clearly is aware that "a-spec" is the preferred term of talking about both ace-specs and aro-specs, why does it say Ace in bold letters on the cover, once again erasing aros? Was it the publisher's decision? It's very peculiar and it almost put me off from picking up this one. (And when I celebrated getting this eARC on Bookstagram, a lot of people messaged me with??? so clearly I'm not alone in this one)
Speaking of the title, I expected to hear the stories of other aspecs but the book is largely the personal journey of the author, which would be fine if it was advertised as such (I'd love to read an aspec memoir!)...and if it wasn't intertwined with academic-like writing and inserted quotes from the interviews with other aspecs. It felt a bit messy and I wish it was either one thing or another (or, you know, two books, why not, we need all the aspec content).
I am also confused about who the target audience of this book is. Sometimes it felt like it was an introduction to the aspec community for the allos, sometimes questioning people, sometimes the community itself. My feelings were additionally muddled by the questions/homework at the end of the chapter - some of the questions seemed to be targetted at allos but many more at aspecs.
Mostly, I struggled getting through it. I've been reading it on and off for two months and while I usually devour aspec books and bask in the validation they gave me, I didn't take it out of this one and it saddened me. It might be more of a question of timing or "it's not you, it's me" but the struggle was real.
My favourite part was definitely the chapter about gender. It resonates with many conversations I've been having with other aspecs about how much of our (Western) understanding of gender is tired to cisheteropatriarchal society and especially the sort of relationships we form. It's a brilliant chapter with lots of valuable insights and I'm glad it's there.
While I definitely had issues with it, I don't want to scare anyone, aspec or allo, from getting this one. It's a great book that raises a lot of questions and challanges a lot of persistent structures. I'm glad it exists.
*Thanks NetGalley for the eARC!*
October 17, 2022
If you identify as part of the Aspec community or if you are questioning whether or not you might be on the asexuality spectrum you might find this book useful. If you feel like you lack community as a neurodivergent aspec this book will probably feel like you're meeting a friend and I think it's that particular aspect of the book that makes it valuable
I was especially fond of the section on queerplatonic relationships and polyamory, the author did a phenomenal job of explaining how asexual people actually have no shortage of healthy options if they wish to enter romantic relationships without erasing the aroace part of the community.
There's some talk about the impact of the Covid-19 pandemic on the ace community in there which is something I think we will have to consider a lot more in the next several years along with the impact of the pandemic on neurodivergent people, it was nice to see it make its way outside of the TikTok sphere of discussion at last.
There's a rather long section filled with other resources at the end of the book to further add to your reading list, always a nice bonus. This book is also very forthright in the recognition of its own shortcomings which was very refreshing.
I wasn't a fan of the structure for the micro-labels section which felt kind of hazy to me.
There's a couple interviewees whose initials were shown as ND and NT in a book where neurodivergences are discussed it was a little confusing to see people referred to as ND and NT considering that in most online spaces about neurodivergences these are shorthand for NeuroDivergent and NeuroTypical.
I received an ARC of this book from Netgalley and Jessica Kingsley Publishers in exchange for an honest review, some of the issues I have with it might therefore not be present in the final published version of this book.
I was especially fond of the section on queerplatonic relationships and polyamory, the author did a phenomenal job of explaining how asexual people actually have no shortage of healthy options if they wish to enter romantic relationships without erasing the aroace part of the community.
There's some talk about the impact of the Covid-19 pandemic on the ace community in there which is something I think we will have to consider a lot more in the next several years along with the impact of the pandemic on neurodivergent people, it was nice to see it make its way outside of the TikTok sphere of discussion at last.
There's a rather long section filled with other resources at the end of the book to further add to your reading list, always a nice bonus. This book is also very forthright in the recognition of its own shortcomings which was very refreshing.
I wasn't a fan of the structure for the micro-labels section which felt kind of hazy to me.
There's a couple interviewees whose initials were shown as ND and NT in a book where neurodivergences are discussed it was a little confusing to see people referred to as ND and NT considering that in most online spaces about neurodivergences these are shorthand for NeuroDivergent and NeuroTypical.
I received an ARC of this book from Netgalley and Jessica Kingsley Publishers in exchange for an honest review, some of the issues I have with it might therefore not be present in the final published version of this book.
February 24, 2023
I so often give five-stars for books that I think everyone should read and learn something from, especially non-fiction. They tend to be well-crafted, original, and, well, just objectively good.
This is five stars, though, for me. Maybe just for me, in full subjective selfishness. But I hope to hell anyone else who would react the same way finds their way to this book. It’s so incredibly lonely at times to face yourself in a vacuum and try to put words to your thoughts and hopes and dreams. To wonder if you’re doing something right or actually belong. And here this is, being so tremendously validating—shattering every lonesome thought with a reassuring, “it’s not only you” and throwing open the door and inviting in enthusiastically.
I had the same experience, over and over, of reading exactly my thoughts written out before me in black and white. Thoughts that were fleeting and simply sketched were now crystallized and real. “Yes! This is what has been difficult! This is what I’ve been trying to say! This is everything!”
People who read Goodreads reviews are familiar with the unbridled joy of reading a book and seeing beyond whatever veil has been obfuscating the world. It’s rare, but when it happens, it can be life-affirming.
I haven’t felt such confidence in my own self-assessments for a while, and I’m terribly grateful to run into this book at this time in this state of being and feel that ever elusive feel of stepping into the light.
This is five stars, though, for me. Maybe just for me, in full subjective selfishness. But I hope to hell anyone else who would react the same way finds their way to this book. It’s so incredibly lonely at times to face yourself in a vacuum and try to put words to your thoughts and hopes and dreams. To wonder if you’re doing something right or actually belong. And here this is, being so tremendously validating—shattering every lonesome thought with a reassuring, “it’s not only you” and throwing open the door and inviting in enthusiastically.
I had the same experience, over and over, of reading exactly my thoughts written out before me in black and white. Thoughts that were fleeting and simply sketched were now crystallized and real. “Yes! This is what has been difficult! This is what I’ve been trying to say! This is everything!”
People who read Goodreads reviews are familiar with the unbridled joy of reading a book and seeing beyond whatever veil has been obfuscating the world. It’s rare, but when it happens, it can be life-affirming.
I haven’t felt such confidence in my own self-assessments for a while, and I’m terribly grateful to run into this book at this time in this state of being and feel that ever elusive feel of stepping into the light.
September 28, 2022
I was hoping that this would be a book that could help non-ace people understand what it is like to be ace. And to some extent it can be used that way. But it doesn't really feel like it's for the uninitiated. You have to have some concept of the terms before going in as the author doesn't do a very good job of explaining what the terms mean. Even for someone like me who is Ace, and has explored more of the community than most non-ace people, it got very confusing. I was losing track of what terms meant and how they were used seemed to be fluid. The author does explain why defining terms is difficult and often unhelpful, but the frequency with which these undefined terms are used makes the text feel inaccessible at times.
Having said that, this was a fantastic look at the issues that Ace people face when considering gender fluidity, race, social status, the difficulty in finding a place/acceptance in the LGBT community.. etc. There were topics I hadn't even thought to consider about the struggles of an Ace individual and the different sub-labels.
Very thought provoking, and validating. Would absolutely recommend to someone who is Ace and trying to understand what that might mean for them.
Having said that, this was a fantastic look at the issues that Ace people face when considering gender fluidity, race, social status, the difficulty in finding a place/acceptance in the LGBT community.. etc. There were topics I hadn't even thought to consider about the struggles of an Ace individual and the different sub-labels.
Very thought provoking, and validating. Would absolutely recommend to someone who is Ace and trying to understand what that might mean for them.
December 14, 2022
I am sad to say I am DNFing this book. I made it to 20% and am really struggling balancing my expectations with the reality of the book. I was SO excited to hear from so many different voices of A-spec people, but this book was just the author's voice with many quotes from the interviews they conducted. It was hard to keep track of anyone because the quotes were blended into the author's points, and the people were referenced by initials which made it hard to remember who was who. I didn't feel as though these quotes were representing anyone's voices. They were simply being used to confirm the author's perspectives. While I think this book is still important, as it is valid to hear one person's perspective, I wish it had been given a different title. I will still recommend it to someone wanting to read an informational, if fairly clinical, book about the ACE spectrum. I just wanted it to be more anecdotal, which I assumed it would be based on the title. I hope someone will write the book I imagined this one to be, because I am very much wanting to read a book with personal essays about some of the many different ways being ACE can look.
March 26, 2023
This was just quite good. Not brilliant but not bad either. A bit meh? There were a few interesting ideas discussed, a few insightful points made and some relatable experiences raised that I didn't realise were actually a common thing. So on the whole I think it was worth reading. The section on gender in particular I thought was quite illuminating, especially the discussion about the prevalence of "gender ambivalence" among a-specs, and the parallels between discomfort around being sexualised and gender dysphoria. This section I think gained a lot from the author's perspective as a non-binary person. I also enjoyed the chapter on the future of relationships.
I feel like I should preface my criticisms with a little disclaimer that this book was actually very readable Because I have a lot of criticisms. So I think this review may end up weighted more towards the negative than is actually reflected in my feelings about it.
First, where was the structure? I have a major pet peeve about nonfiction seeming to be exempt from any expectation to be enjoyable, gripping or have a narrative-flow-like structure. It needs to be going somewhere! I don't care if it's supposed to be a bitty book about various different aspects of the ace community, you can still have a common thread that's leading up to some kind of conclusion. This wasn't even just a problem between chapters; within chapters it was just jumping about all over the place. I listened to the episode of the Sounds Fake but Okay podcast where they interviewed Young and I can't remember the exact phrase they used but essentially they described the process of putting it all together as a haphazard mess or something like that. And I thought WE CAN TELL! Think about what you want to say and how the ideas fit together, plan out the structure and then write it. Honestly.
Secondly, who the hell was the target audience for this? If it was a-spec people who are already familiar with the common terms and concepts, then er I think there's way too much waffling about stuff they'll already know. I was bored a lot of the time and at some points a bit incredulous at some of the things Young mentioned never having come across before starting to write the book. On the other hand, if the target audience was people who aren't familiar with any of that stuff then this was terrible! The chapter called 'Who Are We?' which explained the basic terminology was by far the worst chapter in the whole book. It was vague and confusing as Young tied themself up in knots trying not to say anything definitive at all in order to avoid excluding people who use certain terms slightly differently or who think that such and such is actually the same as such and such etc. etc. The definition of asexuality was given in a single sentence that was absolutely terribly constructed - I went back and found it before writing this review and I was genuinely confused by it. So if you don't already know what asexuality is before reading it, god help you. This is a pretty bloody major problem for a book subtitled "What it means to be Asexual, Aromantic, Demi or Grey-Ace"!!!! I'd have thought that chapter would be a fairly critical one to get clear and understandable, and there must be a way to do that that's still inclusive.
Third problem: although I liked having lots of direct quotes from interviewees etc. and enjoyed all the different perspectives, I really really would have liked to be able to keep track of who was who. The system using initials really didn't lend itself to that and I just think that was a big opportunity missed to make links between individuals' answers on different topics. It was kind of like "I interviewed 40 a-spec people about gender and here's what they said" then "I interviewed 40 a-spec people about relationships and here's what they said" and very little attempt to capitalise on the fact that they were the same 40 people and to draw out links between their answers to different questions. It just upsets me to have so much data like that and not be making full use of it.
All that said, I do think this book is worth reading and it's a step in the right direction in terms of adding to the books out there about a-specs beyond basic introductions and myth debunking. However, if it's unknown territory I'd strongly suggest starting at the back of this book where there's a long list of online resources, all of which explain the basics 100x better than this book does. Have a read of those and then have a go at this.
2.5 stars rounded to 3.
I feel like I should preface my criticisms with a little disclaimer that this book was actually very readable Because I have a lot of criticisms. So I think this review may end up weighted more towards the negative than is actually reflected in my feelings about it.
First, where was the structure? I have a major pet peeve about nonfiction seeming to be exempt from any expectation to be enjoyable, gripping or have a narrative-flow-like structure. It needs to be going somewhere! I don't care if it's supposed to be a bitty book about various different aspects of the ace community, you can still have a common thread that's leading up to some kind of conclusion. This wasn't even just a problem between chapters; within chapters it was just jumping about all over the place. I listened to the episode of the Sounds Fake but Okay podcast where they interviewed Young and I can't remember the exact phrase they used but essentially they described the process of putting it all together as a haphazard mess or something like that. And I thought WE CAN TELL! Think about what you want to say and how the ideas fit together, plan out the structure and then write it. Honestly.
Secondly, who the hell was the target audience for this? If it was a-spec people who are already familiar with the common terms and concepts, then er I think there's way too much waffling about stuff they'll already know. I was bored a lot of the time and at some points a bit incredulous at some of the things Young mentioned never having come across before starting to write the book. On the other hand, if the target audience was people who aren't familiar with any of that stuff then this was terrible! The chapter called 'Who Are We?' which explained the basic terminology was by far the worst chapter in the whole book. It was vague and confusing as Young tied themself up in knots trying not to say anything definitive at all in order to avoid excluding people who use certain terms slightly differently or who think that such and such is actually the same as such and such etc. etc. The definition of asexuality was given in a single sentence that was absolutely terribly constructed - I went back and found it before writing this review and I was genuinely confused by it. So if you don't already know what asexuality is before reading it, god help you. This is a pretty bloody major problem for a book subtitled "What it means to be Asexual, Aromantic, Demi or Grey-Ace"!!!! I'd have thought that chapter would be a fairly critical one to get clear and understandable, and there must be a way to do that that's still inclusive.
Third problem: although I liked having lots of direct quotes from interviewees etc. and enjoyed all the different perspectives, I really really would have liked to be able to keep track of who was who. The system using initials really didn't lend itself to that and I just think that was a big opportunity missed to make links between individuals' answers on different topics. It was kind of like "I interviewed 40 a-spec people about gender and here's what they said" then "I interviewed 40 a-spec people about relationships and here's what they said" and very little attempt to capitalise on the fact that they were the same 40 people and to draw out links between their answers to different questions. It just upsets me to have so much data like that and not be making full use of it.
All that said, I do think this book is worth reading and it's a step in the right direction in terms of adding to the books out there about a-specs beyond basic introductions and myth debunking. However, if it's unknown territory I'd strongly suggest starting at the back of this book where there's a long list of online resources, all of which explain the basics 100x better than this book does. Have a read of those and then have a go at this.
2.5 stars rounded to 3.
October 3, 2023
Amigas puntuo los libros dependiendo de cuanto hable de ellos al terminarlos, de este libro ya hablaba antes de que me lo regalase mi hermana. Todo el verano leyendolo y apelando a sus testimonios!!! Leer este libro ha sido súper gustoso 100 estrellas 💫💫💫
July 22, 2022
I thought this book was interesting, but a lot dryer than I wanted. Eris Young does a great job pulling apart the complexities of asexuality and its relation to the LGBTQ community, to gender, to family, to sex, and much more. It gives a great overview of the community and the diversity of viewpoints within it. But the book's method makes it a little more academic rather than a comfortable hang with ace friends. Young collects interviews they did with members of the community and organizes them into various topics, adding in mentions of academic studies, popular culture, and societal perceptions to give a wide overview of each topic the book tackles. As a member of the asexual community myself, the book did a great job of making me feel less alone and even if members of the ace community vary in the specifics, there are a lot of commonalities among us. I do recommend this book to members of the asexual community who want to learn more about themselves, or allosexuals who want to get insight on what it means to be asexual in the modern era.
Thank you to NetGalley and Jessica Kingsley Publishers for a copy of the book in exchange for an honest review.
Thank you to NetGalley and Jessica Kingsley Publishers for a copy of the book in exchange for an honest review.
March 4, 2023
4.25⭐️
A non-fiction novel aiming to amplify aro/ace voices, raise awareness of the LGBTQIA+'s less well known identities, and validate individual experiences.
I'm not even going to lie; I've been reading this book for literal months. It took me a long time to read this because it felt too real. I had an inkling that I was on the spectrum for a very long time, but reading this book was a reality-check for me. I'm still not quite certain of my identity, and although this book definitely brought on the identity-crisis, I'm happy that it did. Because now, I'm on the right track to find myself. Thank you.
Seriously speaking: I'm not an avid reader of non-fiction, but I found that this book was A, very well researched, B, very well structured, and C, balanced the personal nature of the topic with the societal research and evidence with finesse. This is one of the best non-fiction books I've ever read and it truly made me understand so much more about the aro/ace-spectrum, about being aro/ace, and about other people's and my own identity.
A non-fiction novel aiming to amplify aro/ace voices, raise awareness of the LGBTQIA+'s less well known identities, and validate individual experiences.
I'm not even going to lie; I've been reading this book for literal months. It took me a long time to read this because it felt too real. I had an inkling that I was on the spectrum for a very long time, but reading this book was a reality-check for me. I'm still not quite certain of my identity, and although this book definitely brought on the identity-crisis, I'm happy that it did. Because now, I'm on the right track to find myself. Thank you.
Seriously speaking: I'm not an avid reader of non-fiction, but I found that this book was A, very well researched, B, very well structured, and C, balanced the personal nature of the topic with the societal research and evidence with finesse. This is one of the best non-fiction books I've ever read and it truly made me understand so much more about the aro/ace-spectrum, about being aro/ace, and about other people's and my own identity.
December 21, 2023
Not me tearing up while in a public cafe after finishing this book *looks away*
L i s t e n, I felt like this author still has more to say but the editor advised them to reign it in for the book to be more cohesive.
I'm not complaining but I would not mind moreeee
I really admire that the prose is both informative AND personal. It's definitely a book for those who identify and those who are open to understand the ace spectrum.
As someone who've read many theses, journal articles, or any other academic text about Queer Theory and Gender Studies, it is so easy to drown in concepts and framework that only a few wants to absorb the material's purpose.
(Not gonna lie, I really teared up on the chapters, "Friends and Family" and "Joy")
I also appreciate the Intersectionality chapter, wherein quotations from Filipino a-spec were included.
I can go on and on how this book means so much for me both academically and personally.
Thank you thank you~
L i s t e n, I felt like this author still has more to say but the editor advised them to reign it in for the book to be more cohesive.
I'm not complaining but I would not mind moreeee
I really admire that the prose is both informative AND personal. It's definitely a book for those who identify and those who are open to understand the ace spectrum.
As someone who've read many theses, journal articles, or any other academic text about Queer Theory and Gender Studies, it is so easy to drown in concepts and framework that only a few wants to absorb the material's purpose.
(Not gonna lie, I really teared up on the chapters, "Friends and Family" and "Joy")
I also appreciate the Intersectionality chapter, wherein quotations from Filipino a-spec were included.
I can go on and on how this book means so much for me both academically and personally.
Thank you thank you~
March 3, 2023
4.5☆
Thank you to netgalley for this ARC
So I would like to start with a fact that I do not read lot of non-fiction (none at all) so this was bit of a challenging read as I am not native english speaker.
As a asexual person I found this book very informative but also i related and understood some of the situations and it made me feel incredibly valid.
It disscused important topics and they were explained very well and were very understandably written. I loved that there were chapters focusing on many different areas and that we got to see lot of people with different backrounds talk about their experiences and opinions.
I would recomend this book to anybody who wants to learn about a-spec experiences and be more educated. It was brilliant, loved it.
Thank you to netgalley for this ARC
So I would like to start with a fact that I do not read lot of non-fiction (none at all) so this was bit of a challenging read as I am not native english speaker.
As a asexual person I found this book very informative but also i related and understood some of the situations and it made me feel incredibly valid.
It disscused important topics and they were explained very well and were very understandably written. I loved that there were chapters focusing on many different areas and that we got to see lot of people with different backrounds talk about their experiences and opinions.
I would recomend this book to anybody who wants to learn about a-spec experiences and be more educated. It was brilliant, loved it.
January 20, 2023
This book was such a good non-fiction resource for aspec people and people who want to learn more about our community. the back of the book having lots of aspec creators and representations in media was really cool because it is very hard to find on your own. i do believe this book was a little dense/word-heavy at times but it’s still very important information. might get a physical copy in the future to make it more accessible so i can mark it up.
thank you netgalley for the arc!
thank you netgalley for the arc!
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