Forever Is Now

by Mariama J. Lockington

A poignant and lyrical young adult novel-in-verse about a Black teen coming of age in an anxiety-inducing world, from the author of For Black Girls Like Me and In the Key of Us .

I'm safe here.

That's how Sadie feels, on a perfect summer day, wrapped in her girlfriend's arms. School is out, and even though she’s been struggling to manage her chronic anxiety, Sadie is hopeful better times are ahead. Or at least, she thought she was safe. When her girlfriend reveals some unexpected news and the two witness a violent incident of police brutality unfold before them, Sadie’s whole world is upended in an instant.

I'm not safe anywhere.

That's how Sadie feels every day after—vulnerable, uprooted. She retreats inside as the weeks slip by and relies on her phone to stay connected to the outside world. When Sadie’s therapist gives her a diagnosis for her debilitating panic—agoraphobia—she starts on a path of acceptance and healing. Meanwhile, Sadie's best friend, Evan, updates her on the protests taking place in their city. Sadie wants to be a part of it, to use her voice and affect change. But how do you show up for your community when you can’t even leave your house?

I can build a safe place inside myself.

That’s what Sadie learns over the course of one life-changing summer, with some help from her family, her best friend, an online platform for activists, and a magnetic crush she develops for the new boy next door.

From Stonewall Honor–winning author Mariama J. Lockington comes Forever is Now, a powerful young adult novel-in-verse about mental health, love, family, Black joy, and finding your voice and power in an unforgiving world.

Genres: Young Adult, Poetry, Mental Health, LGBT, Contemporary, Fiction, Queer

408 pages, Kindle Edition

First published May 23, 2023

About the author

Mariama J. Lockington is an adoptee, author, and educator. She has been telling stories and making her own books since the second grade, when she wore shortalls and flower leggings every day to school. Mariama’s middle-grade debut, For Black Girls Like Me, earned five starred reviews and was a Today Show Best Kids’ Book of 2019. Her sophomore middle-grade book, In The Key of Us, is a Stonewall Honor Award book and was featured in the New York Times. Her debut young adult novel, Forever is Now, is the 2024 winner of the Schneider Family Book Award. Mariama holds a Masters in Education from Lesley University and a Masters in Fine Arts in Poetry from San Francisco State University, she calls many places home, but currently lives in Kentucky with her wife, her sausage dog, Walter, and an abundance of plants. You can find her on X: @marilock and on Instagram/TikTok @forblackgirlslikeme.

Reviews

[Anniek · Rating 5 out of 5]

In one single afternoon, Sadie's girlfriend breaks up with her, and then they witness police brutality, when police violently arrest a Black college student after she saves a white woman's dog from drowning and the woman accuses her of stealing her dog.

Sadie, who already has anxiety and agoraphobia, starts to spiral more and more, and is barely able to go outside anymore. Still, she wants to contribute to activism, so she starts hosting lives from her bedroom where she talks about the case, her anxiety, and finding joy as an anxious Black girl in such an anxiety-inducing world.

As someone who also deals with anxiety and agoraphobia, this was one of the most relatable ways I've ever seen it portrayed. Even as a white person I don't understand how people are able to function in current society without debilitating anxiety (and I don't even live in the US), and I won't ever be able to imagine how the intersection of being Black adds to that.

This is a stunningly beautiful verse novel that will stay with me for a long long time. I adored Sadie, and I also particularly loved how fleshed out and flawed all the important characters were. They were all imperfect and so incredibly real.

I really want to get a physical copy soon so I can tab it and treasure it forever, and I can only urge you to pick it up.

[Shannon · Rating 5 out of 5]

I picked this up for the GORGEOUS floral cover but stuck around for the AMAZING mental health rep in this lyrical, moving YA novel-in-verse that follows bisexual, Black teen, Sadie as she goes through a break-up, witnesses an act of police brutality and becomes agoraphobic.

Sadie has always had a general anxiety disorder but things worsen after the episode with the police. I loved how therapy was a natural part of this book, Sadie regularly sees a therapist, uses different techniques to help work through anxious episodes and talks openly about her condition with her family, friends and online community.

This book tackles a lot but never felt like too much. Highly, highly recommended, especially for fans of books like Chaos theory by Nic Stone. Many thanks to @prhaudio for a complimentary ALC in exchange for my honest review!

[Mariella Taylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great representation of living with anxiety and how it harms both yourself and your relationships, but also about pushing up toward healing, even when we regress, and building freedom for ourselves in a world full of people who don't always understand what it is to live with anxiety disorders and panic attacks.

There was a lot of other things going on in this book too, including social and political commentary, that I don't feel knowledgeable enough to speak to. But it was very informative to get to see some of those things written about from the perspective of a person who experienced them.

A very memorable book with a lot of strong lines and references. I would definitely read this again.

[staykind · Rating 5 out of 5]

as someone who lives with anxiety & agoraphobia this book made me feel understood. a really good read.

[kate · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautiful and powerful read with one of the most relatable and honest depictions of anxiety and the effect it has on both the sufferer and their relationships with the world and people around them. There are passages in this book that were like a strangely cathartic sucker punch to the heart in the best kind of way. The therapy representation was also wonderful. Not only does this book tackle discussing mental health with nuance and compassion, it does so whilst superbly exploring the contradictions, stereotypes and expectations society places upon Black people dealing with their mental health. I have no doubt I will be rereading and tabbing/annotating this jn the near future because this book is something very special.

TW: panic attacks, anxiety, agoraphobia, police violence

[Candice Hale · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mariama J. Lockington’s 𝙁𝙤𝙧𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙄𝙨 𝙉𝙤𝙬 is a great YA contemporary for Black girls focusing on mental health, social activism, and poetry. The author is able to carefully showcase the main character Sadie and her diagnoses as an anxious Black girl as a normal occurrence and nothing to be embarrassed about even though she clearly is at the onset of the novel. 𝙁𝙤𝙧𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙄𝙨 𝙉𝙤𝙬 is paramount for any young person going through the struggles of trying to understand the mounting pressures of coping with stress, anxiety, and Blackness in America.

As an anxious Black woman, I enjoyed the mental health representation shown here for young Black girls experiencing anxiety and this feeling of not having "everything together." I learned from my reading that Sadie is a character that needs protection, support, and resources to help guide her through the disorders she is currently suffering with as a Black girl. The world doesn't give Black girls and women the space to simply be innocent, sweet, and young, but tells them instead that they must be strong enough to carry burdens and the world on their backs. Sadie, however, is allowed to BREAK and to be VULNERABLE even more so when she witnesses the trauma of Black pain at the park that triggers her anxiety.

Lockington does a great job throughout the novel by expressing the need for family, friends, and others to honor and support Sadie on her journey to healing over the summer. Anxiety and mental health disorders are not phases. They can be life-long disorders. They deserve patience, sympathy, and understanding from others--not shame, embarrassment, or resentment. As a society, I think we must do a better job to hone into the problems that are affecting our youth in our home and in our schools, especially with the high incident of suicides and bullying that occur today.

Below are some relevant themes I found in the novel:

* Mental Health
* Social Justice & Activism
* Self-Expression
* Sexual Expression
* Friendship
* Therapy
* Poetry & Writing Expression
* Family Support

Also, here are some definitions of medical terms and diagnoses that were mentioned in the novel as well:

* agoraphobia: a fear of being in situations where escape might be difficult or that help wouldn't be available if things go wrong

* generalized anxiety disorder: is a condition of excessive worry about everyday issues and situations

* anxiety: is a feeling of fear, dread, and uneasiness

* panic attacks: is a brief episode of intense anxiety, which causes the physical sensations of fear

Overall, I really enjoyed this book and would definitely recommend to any Black girl and/or woman suffering from anxiety or stress or a Black parent of a daughter because it can be extremely helpful and impactful to healing, recovery, and survival.

Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

[TL *Humaning the Best She Can* · Rating 5 out of 5]

*libby app*

Narration: 5 stars 🌟
----

Definitely want this for my collection in all forms:)

The anxiety rep was wonderful, it felt like some of my experiences and feelings were plopped out of my head onto the pages. It made me feel seen even more and gave me things to think about in a new way. Gonna work my way up to facing my fears like Sadie did:).

I was proud of Sadie, how she got herself through things, even when she was frustrated or things weren't going great. I saw both sides of what was going on in the family and it reminded me of some of my own experiences. She was very brave.

Just wanted to hug her so many times, cheered when she has breakthroughs and teared up with a few interactions.

Loved the people around her ❤️ they were supportive, occasionally frustrated but they never gave up on her.

Anxiety is an invisible and complicated beast.. it likes to sneak up on you in various ways and not always in the same way. It causes physical symptoms that can wreak havoc on your body. It can box you in sometimes, make everything smaller or bigger and scarier.

And it's not always easy to explain what is going on inside your head, even with those close to you.

It's not always easy to fight, which makes me glad for the people in my corner who do understand. It's a piece of me that's a bit frayed and stretched and sometimes I just want to escape from my brain 🧠 and not think... just float up and just be for awhile.

I have safe spaces and comforts that help me, and I'm grateful for that and my circle.

It's not always easy for me to get the courage to say things or be social but I'm getting better at it bit by bit.

I loved how therapy was portrayed here, gentle and not pushy but also firm.

It makes me hope everyone who seeks therapy finds one like Dr. Candice. (I wanted to call her up myself)

Sadie's poems and Lives were just wonderful, I kept playing them over in my mind.

Everyone's anger and frustration really touched me as well. I can't imagine living like that.. it makes me sad and angry this is happening in our country still.

This book does leave you with some hope, you won't want to leave these people.

Would highly recommend this, and I'm sending all my anxious people a big hug and love ❤️

[The Lesbian Library (Maddy) · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 rounded up for me 🥰 I loved this honestly and yes I did cry at the end and I bet you will too when you read it. If you’re new to poetry this is a great book as well :)

[Lila Planavsky · Rating 5 out of 5]

“… with every piece of me
that wants to be brave enough
to live in the moment, always.

With every piece of me that knows
forever is now.

Tomorrow
is never certain.”
P236

[Bailey · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love a good novel in verse, and this one was good. I loved all of the representation for mental health, sexuality, gender, family dynamics, and more. I'm not sure about the author's own relationship to anxiety/agoraphobia, but it felt authentic. The main character's use of social media as a way to regain some agency lost through an anxiety disorder was done so well. Social media is really tricky and has so much potential for harm, but it can be a really useful tool as well. I appreciated the presence of therapy throughout the story. The literary references were great. Overall, I'm impressed that the author was able to tell such an emotional, heightened story without ever *quite* becoming melodramatic. I'd recommend this to fans of Elizabeth Acevedo's "The Poet X" and Leah Johnson's "You Should See Me in a Crown."

[Quierra Chalar · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have to give a special thank you to this author for writing this book!

I have typed and deleted so many times because what I feel is hard to put into words.

I cried, I smiled, I felt anger, I felt fear, I felt the relation, but most of all, I felt seen. Sadie went through a lot and overcame even more. She is brave to have faced so much of the terribleness of the world and still want to continue to better herself and put herself out there for others that might be going through the same thing.

I will be buying copies of this book for friends and family that I know can related/benefit from reading something that they too will be seen in.

This is 100% a must read!

[PErvOL Books · Rating 5 out of 5]

People i think i have the best girlpower book in this year, when it comes to putting strength before intentions and giving vent to one's own strength and femininity...
It was very gorgeous and eloquent book, which shows perspective women and their sources of strength as something that flows differently in different circumstances, even when we feel and would like to sharpen our strength. Sharpen it so that it gives us relativity. Nevertheless, it is shown here that it is not only a process of leaving the comfort zone, courage, meticulousness and self-confidence and facing challenges and boundaries. That not only does it take place in various fields and that it is very complex and multi-tracked, but that, above all, the pretext and distribution of what we care about can be very difficult and can have different impacts and prepare our message and being part of ourselves. A part of ourselves that is not reflected in the mirror in different dimensions, with the attitude of our heart. And sometimes it has aspects that we would like to give us comfort, but we don't feel like we're a part of it and it doesn't have the same impact as we expected. And that the course of this is not in our hands.

It is equally important to show that it is sometimes difficult to come to terms with being pigeonholed and that even if we are in a certain target circle, it does not really reflect anything and it is difficult to think about it on our own terms and give it not only our own meaning and outlining, but above all, highlight it in your interior and belonging.

SOMETHING AMAZING, ONE OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL, PROGRESSIVE AND MOST IMPORTANT FEMINIST BOOKS FOR ME.AND IT MADE A REVOLUTION FOR ME AT THE LEVEL OF "LARK AND KASIM START A REVOLUTION" KACEN CALLENDER. ACTUALLY, BOTH BOOKS HAVE A LOT IN COMMON, WHICH IS A VERY EXPLICIT FEMINISM THAT IS IMPLICITLY IN THE LARK. THIS BOOK BLEW MY MIND AND IT TOTALLY CHARMED ME AND GAVE ME A SUBSTITUT OF UNDERSTANDING
THIS BOOK BLEW MY MIND AND READ THIS💜💜💜💜💃💃

[acorn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Important, raw, expressive 💖

Sadie is getting ready for a fun summer that includes an exciting writing internship and quality time with her girlfriend. One scary afternoon, everything she can count on is gone when she goes through a breakup and witnesses police brutality. The sudden event triggers her anxiety as she needs to find a way to feel safe again.

Lockington’s writing conveys so much emotion so I felt like I could truly understand Sadie and her life. This book talks about a variety of impactful topics in a beautiful and real way that I really enjoyed reading. The story is very focused on Sadie and her thoughts so it creates an intimate connection with the character. The world needs this book.

Also I love how there is a playlist and reading list at the back of this book! I’m excited to listen to the songs. 🥰

✨ Dear future me: I want to annotate + reread this.

[des · Rating 3 out of 5]

Evan truly goes into the history books as one of the worst characters ever, they fucking pissed me off and got away with everything.

Mental health rep was very good especially the agoraphobia like so relatable. Besides that this had it's problems but it also had its good things.

[Jade Driscoll · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 stars, rounded up!

Mariama J. Lockington's FOREVER IS NOW is a novel-in-verse, though it has more prose elements and extended scenes than other novels-in-verse I've read; instead of bursts of scene and description in dozens or hundreds of connected, single-page "poems," this book has pages of verse organized into chapters--more like an epic poem. Perhaps that's splitting hairs, but I just haven't seen a novel-in-verse like this before! I absolutely loved this format. It had all the strengths of "normal" verse (the line breaks and placement of the words on the page were especially engaging) while feeling significantly more cohesive and narrative-driven than a collection of poems--even a collection intended to tell one smooth story.

I've (thankfully) read many, many realistic yet sensitive depictions of anxiety and depression in YA, and I think Lockington has come closest to matching *my* thoughts. I don't have agoraphobia like Sadie does, nor do I experience racism and its inherent anxieties, but I'm a disabled queer woman like Sadie, and several of her thought-spirals and anxieties matched mine. It was occasionally hard to read some of my already-hard thoughts on the page like that, but it was also validating to know I'm not the only one whose brain scares them sometimes, because otherwise how would someone else write "my" thoughts like that? Some parts hit me harder than others, such as the depiction of what it's like trying to explain your anxiety and how your brain works to someone else, and no matter how hard you try, no piece of human language can truly convey what you experience, and it certainly can't evoke proportionate/deserved empathy, leading to constant degradation, misunderstanding, and further anxiety... I am also a tiiiiiiiny bit uncomfy with how much the mother/daughter relationship in this book resonated with me and my experiences after my hospitalization; Sadie's mother truly does love her and want what's best for her, but she legitimately does not understand what her daughter ACTUALLY needs or is going through. She honestly, lovingly thinks she is doing what is best for Sadie, even though that "help" sometimes does more harm than good, and Sadie has to reconcile her mother's intentions and actions. whew. I also loved Charlie's character; he's a realistic middle schooler, with moments of both maturity and childishness, compassion and selfishness. Charlie loves his family, but he's learning how to be his own person in life, too. While I'm sure I don't/can't fully understand it, there's also a nuanced discussion about being Black in a world systemically designed by white people to exclude you--and how, when it comes time for those systems to villainize and victimize you, they don't care whether you're loud or quiet, saints or sinners, loud protesters or quiet campaign donors. Lockington masterfully puts that pain side-by-side with unwavering happiness, resilience, and love. Additionally, this book shows how not all activism looks the same and how people can work toward the same causes or hold the same beliefs without sharing 100% of the same views, as well as how being marginalized in one way doesn't absolve you from harming other marginalized people(s). Perhaps most importantly, despite the primary foci on mental health / recovery and showing up in your own ways for the causes you believe in, which can be rater deep/heavy subjects, there is SO MUCH joy in this book!!

It's occasionally a liiiiiiiiittle too on the nose, but one of the smaller themes revolves around Sadie's interactions with someone with a different type of mental illness, as she has a hard time understanding/empathizing with their view of the world despite knowing how much it hurts to have your brain misunderstood. It's a GREAT way of showing how not all mental illnesses, nor experiences of the same diagnosis, are the same. I appreciated that the book never DIRECTLY had Sadie say "oh no, I'm misunderstanding people's brains the way they misunderstand mine! maybe I should be more patient with people who don't know what it's like to be me!" ... but boy howdy did it come dangerously close.

Finally, in order of appearance, I present the quotes from this book that meant the most to me / hit me the hardest / etc. (line breaks and stanzas denoted with slashes; placement on the page and italics ignored):
- "I love Evan for staying home with me / for hyping me up and agreeing to a friends night / for making me feel like I'm somebody. / But I feel a stab of guilt, knowing that if it wasn't for me / they'd probably be downtown right now / hanging out at a pop-up gallery walk / or attending a queer dance party / with their fake ID. // Don't get me wrong, / Evan loves a good documentary night / just as much as anything else. / In fact, most of the time they're the one / putting me up on new films. / But we used to do so much more together-- / and I miss that // even if it is my fault." (108-109)
- "This is what I can't explain / the endless cycle / the good day / rolled into the next bad one / the confidence / rolled into a doomed pattern of thought. // What I can't say to Mom or Dad / to Charlie or Evan // what I dare not say / even to myself sometimes // is: / What if I can't do this at all? / What if I'm not meant / to survive / this much pain? / How do I get through this thick, / dark water?" (170)
- "And if I doubted the connection between us / all becomes clear in an instant: // This is a moving thing-- / what Jackson and I have. / We don't have to be perfect, / we just have to be willing to hold on tight." (232)

[Emma Catalano · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an amazing book! I love reading books about representation and mental health issues, because I feel like we don't see enough of that in books. It's so often able-bodied, white bodies and this was a refreshing, beautiful and sensitive story. I loved all the characters and how Sadie was a boxer and that helped her punch out her emotions. I have generalized anxiety and definitely have intrusive thoughts, and this really shared a different perspective about agoraphobia. And the writing style was very different, but so enjoyable as well. Would highly recommend!

[Lavender · Rating 5 out of 5]

I want to start off by thanking my ex for this book. It may be the last book she ever gives me and considering my anxiety & MDD & how things ended in my heartbreak. This book has been on my list for a while and I'm glad to finally get it checked off my list. I see myself in many of the characters not just in our blackness queerness but in the shared trauma. I am glad there was some kind of happy ending & justice. I am not sure what my freedom looks like but I dont think love will be a factor. This is one of my favorite reads of 2023. Thank you mariama for this for seeing black people like me.

[ReadnliftwithShar · Rating 5 out of 5]

Forever is Now captured my attention from the first chapter. The main character, Sadie, witnessed an incident in which a black college student was a victim of police brutality. The incident happened during the summer and sparked a community demanding that justice prevails. The author addressed racial issues, mental health, adoption, and LGBTQ+ within the story. Sadie suffers from panic attacks, anxiety, and agoraphobia. The author outlines how Sadie overcomes these challenges. She found solace in boxing and creating an online community to connect with other individuals. I appreciated that the story addressed mental health’s impact on family members. I loved Sadie’s unexpected love interest; though they had different upbringings, they were both experiencing similar problems. I love when a story can bring out emotions I didn’t know I had. There was something about Sadie and Jackson that pulled on my heartstrings; I couldn’t stop reading.

I received an arc from netgalley and the publisher, all thoughts are mine.

[Glenda Nelms · Rating 5 out of 5]

Forever is now, a heartfelt and powerful novel in verse YA book. It follows a Black Queer girl named Sadie who is diagnosed with agoraphobia and anxiety, learning to manage her mental health. Sadie founds her place as an activist with an online community. Her anxiety become severe after witnessing police brutality against an innocent Black college student. The book addresses the impact of mental health on family members, being Black and LGBTQ+, and Black Lives Matter movement. Despite Sadie's anxiety, she has a passion in boxing, for Black People and Social justice. Sadie focuses on the joy life brings. I think everyone in the world should this stunning, moving and heartfelt book. Be sure to read the author's note at the end of the book.

Thanks to Turn the pages tours for the chance to feature and review this book.

[Denise Kollock · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars

Thank you NetGalley & Turn the Pages Tours for the copy of the book!

I enjoyed the book- a LOT. The way mental health is represented felt natural and shows the good & bad of it. I adored seeing flawed characters and them getting back on their feet. Lockington has a way with writing in verse that clicked with me heavily. This is one of my favorites that I intend on getting a physical copy of. I found Jackson and Sadie to be wholesome and they balance each other out well!

FULL REVIEW: https://missnisereads.wixsite.com/mis...

[Sioban Sedney · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow this was incredible. Such a heartbreaking and beautiful story about a queer black teenager who witnesses a horrible injustice and police brutality WHILE being broken up with. The novel in verse follows Sadie's journey as she struggles and learns to cope with her anxiety, find her own way to confront her disorder and diagnosis, and connect with others through social justice and joy. The relationships and characters are so real and raw, this was a beautiful book. Do yourself a favor and check this one out.

[Jordan Woods · Rating 4 out of 5]

Forever Is Now by Mariama J. Lockington is a powerful and introspective read. What stood out to me the most was how it emphasized the journey over the destination—every moment of growth, every setback, and every emotional breakthrough felt intentional and meaningful. The writing was beautiful, capturing the rawness of anxiety, activism, and love in a way that felt deeply personal. While some parts didn’t hit as hard for me, the overall message and character development made up for it. If you love stories that focus on self-discovery and resilience, this one is worth picking up!

[Alex Cabe · Rating 3 out of 5]

I feel like this could have used the verse form more. Verse is most useful to convey emotions, rather than events. The story had some twists and it was good that it was conveyed without breaking the flow too much. However, I've read and seen other works (e.g. Turtles All the Way Down and Inside Out 2) that give a better picture of what a panic attack feels like. It was unusual to see verse used in such a didactic book, as well.

There was a certain "fellow kids" factor where it was clear that the author was writing about a different generation and getting some things second hand.

I enjoyed how the story showed Sadie's family members coping with her anxiety. They all loved her, but had varying levels of maturity, understanding, and patience.

[kim child of the god of thunder · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you ever want to feel validated regarding your mental health, your ability to cope, or just for a sense of queer Black joy—read this immediately! And if you don’t even need any of that? Read it anyway.
Thanks Shaii for the rec; and thank you Mariama. I’ll never forget this book.

[Manoek (manoeksbooknook) · Rating 5 out of 5]

4,5

Review to come :)

[Mrs Heidrich · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow on so many levels! This is a book kids need and will connect with in so many different ways!!

[Paper Clippers]

2024 Schneider Family Book Award

[Victoria Wlosok]

i love novels-in-verse about anxious girls <3

[Kate · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a parent of a child with severe anxiety, this book helped me understand what they are experiencing. So powerful.

[Colleen Beatriz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful, heartbreaking, poetic, complex, and just all around amazing

Check CWs before reading 💞