Please, Sorry, Thanks: The Three Words That Change Everything

by Mark Batterson

ECPA BESTSELLER • Strengthen your spiritual, mental, and emotional health and reach your most audacious goals with three simple but power-packed words—from the New York Times bestselling author of Win the Day.

“A practical framework to be the kind of thoughtful, helpful force for good you always wanted to be.”—Carey Nieuwhof, founder of the Art of Leadership Academy

The best predictor of success in life, in love, and in leadership is your proficiency at please, sorry, and thanks . Those three words are the foundation of all healthy relationships and successful careers. Those three words are the only ceiling on achieving your dreams. Those three words will determine how happy you are.

With his trademark blend of personal stories, scientific and historical references, and biblical insight, Pastor Mark Batterson shows how you can change your world with your

• A timely please can help you unlock the rule of reciprocity for greater results, discover the power of “we is greater than me,” and honor others above yourself.
• A sincere sorry can lead you to mend broken relationships, strengthen connections through being radically vulnerable, and better understand the degrees of forgiveness.
• A heartfelt thanks paves the way toward a resilient mindset of gratitude and an expectancy to see God move on your behalf.

Whether you’re launching out into a new phase of life or navigating long-established complexities, it's time to harness the power of those three transformative words and let them propel you wherever God leads you to go.

Genres: Christian, Nonfiction, Self Help, Christian Living, Leadership, Faith, Audiobook

192 pages, Hardcover

Published April 4, 2023

About the author

Mark Batterson is the lead pastor of National Community Church in Washington, DC. One church in seven locations, NCC owns and operates Ebenezers Coffeehouse, The Miracle Theatre, and the DC Dream Center. NCC is currently developing a city block into The Capital Turnaround. This 100,000-square-foot space will include an event venue, child development center, mixed-use marketplace, and co-working space. Mark holds a Doctor of Ministry degree from Regent University and is the New York Times best-selling author of seventeen books, including The Circle Maker, In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day, Wild Goose Chase, Play the Man, Whisper, and, most recently, Double Blessing. Mark and his wife, Lora, live on Capitol Hill with their three children: Parker, Summer, and Josiah.

Reviews

[Bethel Grove · Rating 5 out of 5]

In his book, Please Sorry Thanks, bestselling author Mark Batterson explains the life-giving and life-changing qualities of these words and the far-reaching implications of choosing to adapt them to our lives and relationships. Breaking down each of these words into three parts of the book, Batterson explores each of them in a way that connects with his readers. We learn in the “Psychology of Please” how our willingness to be polite and humble can open hearts, minds, and even opportunities. Through the “Science of Sorry”, we learn that willingly admitting when you do wrong or expressing compassion for someone who’s struggling can restore broken relationships. In the “Theology of Thanks”, we discover how learning to have a spirit of gratitude and thankfulness can change the way we see the people and world around us. Through all this, we are reminded that choosing to put the power of all three of these common words together can change our hearts and relationships more than we can imagine. Batterson does all of this in his unique style of writing, full of fun and relatable stories and illustrations, that makes you feel you are speaking with a friend. This book is a creative and inspiring approach to common words that we can tend to take for granted. It’s one that every Christian should read. Get your copy today!

* I received an advanced copy of this book from the publisher for the purpose of this review

[Kristine · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a member of National Community Church (NCC), Mark Batterson gifted the congregation this book when kicking off his series of, "Words Create Worlds - If you want to change your life, change your words!" This series and book could not have come at a more opportune time as I am working in the space of creating a safe/healthy culture. These three simple words, and yet so powerful in practice.

Nothing Opens Doors like PLEASE.
Nothing Mends Fences like SORRY.
Nothing Builds Bridges like THANKS.

It's a short, simple read with a power message for ALL. I recommend not only the read, but also following along with Dr. Mark Batterson's sermon series on NCC YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZI_Lz...

[ArynTheLibraryan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book dives deep into the psychology of please, the science of sorry and the theology of thanks. I have 84 highlighted passages from my first reading. I can guarantee you that I will be reading it again.

There's way more to Please than I realized! I'm absolutely fascinated by how much is communicated when you put in the effort to say please and mean it. You're putting yourself and your desires in someone else's hands. Not assuming what you want is yours by rights. It gives them the freedom and ability to grant or deny. It's a big deal.

Sorry is a complex thing, expressing both empathy and vulnerability. Empathy when you take the time to notice and enquire about other people's problems and pain. Vulnerability when you admit that you were wrong or wronged.

Hurt people hurt people... Forgiven people forgive people. A specific and sincere apology goes a long way. Sorry is asking forgiveness from God and others, and also forgiving yourself. Hadn't really thought about that last one.

Thanks is perpetual wonder and appreciation for the many gifts and miracles that fill your life. It's probably the one topic in the book we're most comfortable with talking about, whether or not we do gratitude well. But there's still a ton of truth and wisdom to be had in this book.

I highly recommend it to anyone and everyone!

I received a copy of the book from net galley and chose to review it here. All thoughts are my own.

[Kevin Parkinson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Meh. It's a series of banal platitudes. Some of it is good advice, drawn from personal anecdotes, theology, a few scientific studies, and general self-help guru type stuff (think Stephen Covey), but it's meandering, repetitive, and at times flat out wrong. He also tried too hard to force his theories into the "please, sorry, thanks" framework. His broader point is that we should be humble, which is hard to argue with, but also not at all an original thought. I'd be interested in an actual deep dive into the three words, especially in a secular sense, and not what this dude does, which is to Trojan horse his own random ideas into the "please, sorry, thanks" framework, even though it's not really about "please, sorry, thanks." It's not a bad book but honestly you can find better ones out there.

[Cassidy Sullivan · Rating 4 out of 5]

There’s so much good stuff in this! I listened to this one via audiobook, but I will definitely be purchasing a hard copy for the long haul.

I was very impressed by how humbly Batterson approached the importance of these three words in our daily lives. There’s definitely no shortage of cliches, but I left with a greater appreciation for these simple words that pack a punch when said with some heart.

[Mike Drinkard · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent gems of advice from an author I’ve come to admire.

[Ada · Rating 5 out of 5]

"If you want to change your life, you have to change your words."

I love that this book is more than just a self help book, it's also a guide to how to communicate with God. It gets into the details of how to become a better friend and communicator, and how to "win friends and influence people," but it also gets into the gospel teachings of Christ.

[Jenna Metres · Rating 4 out of 5]

Words create worlds and I’m working on building a new world in my head with the words I speak to myself. The word that resonated with me most and drew me closer to God was ‘thanks.’

[Adam Bixby · Rating 3 out of 5]

Three phrases that make all the difference! Great read

[Marty Raines · Rating 5 out of 5]

Pastor Mark has yet again written a book that gives us a new way to look at what many of us have taken for granted for so long. This book has so many gold nuggets of wisdom that it will keep you thinking back on it long after you read it.

[Mark Wurtz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Simple ways to live an intentional life

I appreciate all the insights, personal stories, and random science facts that Mark Batterson includes in his books. I have read many titles from him and feel that this one can have the greatest impact. These are three actions that humans desperately need to practice. As he says on his last page “A pretty please opens hearts and minds and doors. A simple sorry can mend broken relationships. A heartfelt thanks is the flywheel of gratitude. Get good at them, and life becomes a choreographed dance filled with love and joy and peace.”

[Kevin Luu · Rating 3 out of 5]

I picked up this book because I liked the cover, but didn’t realize this book leaned heavily into Christianity. It’s not preachy or trying to convert you, but the religious anecdotes pile up, and by halfway through, I was feeling a bit jaded and skimming those parts.

Overall a nice, quick read if you’re looking to level up your relationships, empathy, or mindset. My main critique is the structure feels quite jumbled. Jumping from concrete ideas, religious anecdotes, stories, then scientific research all in one page? It was a very bumpy ride.

Please fosters humility, respect, and collaboration.
Sorry fosters compassion, empathy, and shared humanity.
Thanks fosters an abundance mindset, positivity, emotional resilience, and also talks about the ripple effect (how we feel will be projected into our surroundings).

[Michelle♥ · Rating 2 out of 5]

I go into a lot of books blind, meaning I don’t normally read the summary about it.

I was trying to find an audiobook to listen to while rage cleaning my house. I find that I process audiobook best when they are nonfiction books. I can’t audiobook a fiction book for some reason. My brain short circuits.

I chose this one because the three words stopped me from scrolling. They are pretty powerful words.

I did not know this would be a Christian hype book with lots of biblical references. I’m not knocking it but this is not what I wanted to listen to. However the author’s voice and passion was intriguing. I did listen to the whole book at 2x the speed in a matter of hours.

[Pete Karjanis · Rating 5 out of 5]

As with all of Dr. Batterson's books they are an adventurous blend of scripture, history, anecdotes and just old-fashioned loving people enough to speak truth into them. I read an advance copy on NetGalley which is great, but I always highlight, underline, circle and make notes in my books and I found myself wanting to do this as I read "Please, Sorry and Thanks".

Dozens of things resonated with me and a few stood out as new habits to develop and then habit-stack them. For example, taking gratitude to entirely new level by living each day as an encore! BRILLIANT!! This sis summed up by the quote by Heraclitus, "No man steps into the same river twice." Neither the river nor the man are the same and so it is with each day. God promises new mercies each day but he wraps it in countless miracles throughout each day from breathing life into us to the sky with its everchanging colors and cloud shapes.

I loved learning about Tesla giving God standing ovations during thunderstorms. Wow! I have felt the same just listening and hearing the rumble across the Western skies. All of creation knows who it is and the reverence we should have as we are privileged to be part of these miracles.

This is just a small part of Thanks but as Mark says Please, Sorry Thanks are a three-part harmony. They are critical path to living a life that is truly loving God and others the way Jesus told us. Not from a personal agenda - manipulation perspective but from a place of pure love. It is exciting to see what miracles God WILL DO with these three words. We already know what he has done and continues to do with the four words, Let there be light."

This book will open doors to hearts, mend other hearts and show gratitude for the hearts that have shared Kairos moments with us!!

[Joan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Words are important, Batterson reminds us. Words have power. Our words reveal our heart. Changing the words we use changes life.

He concentrates on three words.
Please opens doors like nothing else. It's personal and requires humility. Whether we use the word or not is revealing. “How you treat others is a function of how you feel about yourself.” (555/2375)
Sorry mends fences like nothing else. We find out the power of apology, the kind of character it takes, the courage required, forgiveness and the danger of bitterness.
Thanks build bridges like nothing else. We are reminded of the general benefit of an attitude of gratitude, its relationship to worship and believing in God's faithfulness, cultivating a life of giving.

There is good teaching on relationships in general included in each of the sections. Batterson's writing style is informative and inspiring. He is widely read and includes a wealth of examples and evidence for his teaching. It's a good book. I recommend reading it along with then making these words evidence of a way of life.

I received a complimentary egalley of this book from the publisher. My comments are an independent and honest review.

[Tom Burkholder · Rating 5 out of 5]

In the book Please, Sorry, Thanks, author and pastor Mark Batterson, writes about using these simple words – Please, Sorry, Thanks to change our lives and impact out world. He writes: “Your words are Occam’s razor—simple words can solve seemingly impossible problems. Your words are Archimedes’s lever—small words can make a world of difference.”
Why is our response to others so important? Batterson writes: “Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about. When someone says something or does something that hurts me, I try to remember that. Hurt people hurt people. That doesn’t excuse bad behavior, but it does put it in perspective. And it helps me respond the same way Jesus did: "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do."”
This was a great read with lots of challenging thoughts about how we live our lives and about how we treat others around us! I would highly recommend this book. I received a copy of this e-book from the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

[Nyla Kay · Rating 5 out of 5]

Please, Sorry, Thanks by best selling author Mark Batterson is a contemporary Christian book that gives readers a fresh perspective on communicating well. This is a much needed message for our world that has forgotten respect and empathy. Mr. Batterson writes a book that is meant to show readers how important good communication really is.

I enjoy his no nonsense writing style. It is easy to understand and edifying. He has done research from ancient writings to bring back to mind things society seemed to have forgotten. The stories he incorporated were enlightening from his research. He emphasizes the psychology of please, the science of sorry, and even the theology of thanks.

I highly recommend this book. Anyone that wants to communicate better, write better, and talk better will glean much needed information from this beautiful book. It earns a 5 star rating from this reader. A copy was provided by NetGalley, but all opinions are my own.

[Tamara · Rating 5 out of 5]

Title: Please, Sorry, Thanks
Author: Mark Batterson
Genre: Christian
Rating: 5 out of 5

I loved this! The concept is simple: use please, sorry, and thanks frequently—words we all learn as toddlers—to make our relationships and interactions with others more positive and uplifting. Period. As I read, I thought about how seemingly little things in my own life made such a huge difference to me—even something as simple as the older gentleman sitting in front of me at church telling me, with a smile, “It’s so nice to hear someone enjoy singing so much.” My singing is, at best, indifferent, but that compliment made me smile. It took two seconds of his time, but it brightened my day. How many times every single day do I have that same opportunity to show love to other people with three simple words?

(Galley courtesy of WaterBrook & Multnomah in exchange for an honest review.)

[Kenny Schwarz · Rating 5 out of 5]

FULL DISCLOSURE: The author, Mark Batterson has been my pastor for nearly 18 years, and I consider him a friend. That being said, in that time I’ve been the beneficiary of several books that Mark and Lora gift to the congregation and can say with certainty that Please Sorry Thanks is one of his better ones and that this five star rating is well-earned.

In this book the prevailing theme is that the words please, sorry, and thanks are words that in and of themselves get us to think outside the high esteem we hold ourselves and think differently, both spiritually in the way we approach our relationship with God, and socially in the way we interact with our fellow man.

Most importantly, in realizing that we are fallible beings and that our blessings and positions stem from Him, incorporating please, sorry, thank you into our regular prayers (a principle my FIL Rev. Glenn Gunderson of Purpose Church, Pomona CA also regularly reinforces in his sermons) we strengthen our dependence on God, recognize his movement in our lives and bring ourselves ever closer to a strong relationship with Him.

Thank you, Mark for an excellent book!

[Jim B · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed reading this book. As someone who also enjoys history, one of the things I enjoy about Mark Batterson is he always finds a way to incorporate it into his books. This story was a nice refresher as sometimes I do get selfish in my opinions and actions. This book shouldn't be taken as the only three words to live by, however it is a great starting point. I recommend reading this book at least once as it will be a good way to grade how you are doing and where are some areas you may be able to improve. This could also give insights to why people are responding to you in certain ways and how you are being received when you speak. I was honored to get a ARC copy and all opinions are my own.

[David Pfanschmidt · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Please, Sorry, Thanks" is another Mark Batterson winner. As only Pastor Mark can do, he weaves threads of truth with gold nugget facts and comes up with a very readable tapestry. He takes three seemingly everyday words and presents them through the fresh lens of God. Each of the words (please, sorry, and thanks) packs the power to build, grow, empower, shrink, crush, or destroy all who come in their path.
James, Jesus' half brother, speaks of the power of the tongue. Mark Batterson expands on this theme with everyday facts, poignant stories, and Biblical truths to make his audience take a look at the power of their words. Pastor Batterson's latest offering is a solid five stars.

[Chad · Rating 5 out of 5]

Having attended National Community Church for going on four years now, I would say this book felt a lot like a greatest hits album.

Each chapter acts as a succinct deep dive into areas of spiritual discipline of gratitude and grace.

There were several gut checks in the book surrounding forgiveness, self-righteousness and gratitude that I appreciated.

Pastor Mark always speaks of keeping a gratitude journal, which I always get down on myself that I haven’t started yet. But like everything else this spiritual journey is personal pursuit, and this book was a good encouragement in this direction.

[Bruce Dinsman · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the latest from Mark Batterson and it caught my attention because I was raised to be polite and helpful and used those three words a lot. I appreciated his insights, scriptural and academic references as well as a clear heart for God and his church. I learned a lot from this book and am encouraged as well as challenged and that is entirely in line with a good sermon or Bible Study.
I learned from Wikipedia that the National Community Church is affiliated with the Assemblies of God organization and that he identifies as a Pentecostal preacher (the Pentecostal handshake was a tipoff)

[Grace Olivia · Rating 2 out of 5]

Mark Batterson has some solid ideas, that can really get you thinking! But the whole layout and writing of the book feels stagnant. It felt as though he was trying to find a ton of mix and match ideas to file into his thesis surrounding “Please, Sorry, Thanks” rather than constructing his theme around the ideas. Some chapters felt disengaging, while his writing style is built to sound like a conversation. I enjoyed his integration of theology, however I wish he would have dived deeper into each concept, rather than rushing through a paragraph to say a “hard-hitting” line. Overall was a very quick read, but would not pick up again.

[Erin Dixon · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars

This book is a dive into how using those three words - please, sorry, and thanks - can be used to change your outlook on life and how people react to you. There are some nuggets in the book, for sure. There is no doubt those outlooks change your worldview. The book, however, does get repetitive. This is one of those "could have been a blog post" books, where the really good content is smothered in excessive examples to stretch it to book length. It is worth at least a skim though, because the message is worthwhile. And it is short, so it doesn't take much time to actually read it through, much less skim the high points.

[Mhughessc · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mark Batterson is a pastor and best-selling author of many Bible studies, including his newest book, "Please, Sorry, Thanks: The Three Words That Change Everything." Batterson begins with an explanation on the importance of language, then continues with the psychology of the words "please", "sorry", and "thanks." According to the author, "A pretty please opens hearts and minds and doors. A simple sorry can mend broken relationships. A heartfelt thanks is the flywheel of gratitude."

Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC. All opinions are my own.

[Michael · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just finished this new book by Mark Batterson. As in previous book, Mark is very good at taking subjects and applying the truth of God’s word to it.

In this book, he discusses how our words create worlds. This is for good or bad. He highlights struggles we might have but also gives Biblical advice on how to change the narrative.. I highly recommend this book if you are struggling with words tearing down worlds or want to be encouraged to continue using your words to build worlds up. It’s a book for all!!!

[Kelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book to be a very good reminder of why manners matter. Mark Batterson provides practical and Biblical reasons for using these 3 words in your everyday life. How it can improve your life, your relationships, and yourself.

The chapters are short and could easily be used as a daily devotional study.

I found a lot to highlight. There were many quotable parts, lots of data and studies to back up Batterson's claims, and stories to drive his points home.

So, please, take the time to read the book for yourself. You won't be sorry that you did. Thanks for considering it!

[Blake Williams]

Mark Batterson is one of my absolute favorite authors. He is inspirational, thought provoking, and also practical. This book explores the psychology of please, science of sorry, and theology of thanks. These words are seemingly simple and have been pounded into us since we were young but the importance can’t be overstated. Most have heard the saying that “hurt people hurt people” but he makes another observation that should be very true in the Christian world, “forgiven people forgive people.” As believers in Jesus we should be the best at forgiving in the world!

[Tara Beck · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great book with many examples of why our words matter. They matter when we speak them over others, as well as when we speak them over ourselves. I liked that he didn't just talk about the words directly, but everything that comes with them. It wasn't just "say sorry", but also to show empathy and understanding, and the actions and feelings that can accompany those words and get the message across. I would definitely recommend the book. The world could learn to use these words more often and more sincerely.