You Don't Have to Carry It All: Ditch the Mom Guilt and Find a Better Way Forward

by Paula Faris

Award-winning journalist and mom-of-three Paula Faris gives insightful and practical steps for better working, momming, and living to millions of overwhelmed working moms.

Being a working mom should work. Instead, it is a thankless, incredibly difficult job, marked by impossible contradictions and unreachable expectations.

American moms are more burned out now than at any other time in history. We believed we could have it all— fulfilling work, and a healthy and happy family. We pick up responsibilities wherever we go— on the job, at home, in our communities. We try to carry it all—and we can. Because moms are superheroes with superpowers! But at some point, our shoulders grow tired tired from carrying around the expectations and the mental load, tired from juggling the constant conflict between working and momming, tired of how our work— whether at home or at the office—isn’t valued equally, and tired of workplaces that treat us like risks instead of assets. 

Paula Faris offers a declaration of hope to all working moms— things are going to get better! There is another way forward that frees us from the barbaric conflict of mom-guilt and the bone-weary exhaustion of carrying it all and feeling like we’re failing everywhere. Through the lens of her personal experience and interviews with working women, men, leaders, and experts across the country, Faris dismantles the cultural expectations and toxic traps that American moms experience. She also gathers insightful and actionable steps toward a better way of working, momming, and living.  The problems we have as a country and culture are not insurmountable.  Besides, we’ve got working moms on this job. And there are literally no hands more capable than ours!

Genres: Nonfiction, Parenting, Audiobook, Professional Development, Self Help

256 pages, Hardcover

Published March 7, 2023

Reviews

[Steph Montalvo · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars

This is a must-read for all mom's: whether you work, stay at home, or both. This book resonates with SO MANY of us, because we are all carrying this guilt - of doing too much, of not doing enough, of people pleasing and forgetting about ourselves! Being a mom of an almost 2-year old, I still consider myself a new mom. However, I also: work full-time (paralegal in a Law School), work part-time (dance teacher), go to school part-time (for my Master's degree)... It's a lot. And I struggle with guilt every day. And this book helped me realize that there's a better way. Paula includes history, facts/research, personal experiences, other mom personal experiences… this book has it all. And it allows us to be comfortable in feeling the feelings we feel! And accepting that this guilt, pressure, and judgment we feel is NOT okay. We need to be better, society as a whole needs to be better. And I am hopeful that this book shines some light on those mom’s who are struggling to find their way.

*My reasoning for 4.5 stars - if I’m being honest, I am not a religious person, nor am I knowledgeable about the Bible and its stories. There is a whole section referencing the Bible and women, and while it is definitely interesting, it’s not necessarily my cup of tea when it comes to reading. But guess what - I STILL LOVED THIS BOOK. Paula never once pushes her faith on her readers as an end all, be all. She even expresses some challenges regarding Christianity and the roles of women. With that being said, I was not deterred from this book.

There are so many important lessons - whether it be from actual data or personal experiences. There is even mention of a #momfail that is almost identical to mine - which made me feel a whole lot better about myself. All in all, I highly recommend this book. No matter where you are in motherhood, this is an important read. And I cannot express that enough.

Thank you, Paula ♥️ from one working mom to another 🫶🏼

[Benedicta Dzandu · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book's content and the idea of moms not having to carry it all appealed to me. This book is a call to mothers to free themselves of all of society's expectations. Faris deconstructs the societal expectations American parents face through the lens of her personal experience and interviews with working women, men, leaders, and experts from throughout the country.

One of the things I liked about this book is the number of actionable suggestions for a better way of working, mothering, and living. I found the narrative a bit jarring, alternating from research to history, interviews to experiences to opinions, etc., and the author’s constant reminder that this book is not anti-men. All in all, it was a good read.

Thank you at Net Galley for the Arc in exchange for an honest review.

[Cover Lover Book Review · Rating 3 out of 5]

You Don’t Have to Carry it All hit me in the heart with the first line of the introduction. The question, “What do you do” has always made me a bit uncomfortable. Especially when I was a stay-at-home mother. I want to say, “What DON’T I do?” But when I was working outside the home or when I wasn’t, I didn’t like the connotation that my value was based on “what I did.”

Anyway, back to the book—the author touches on many points of working moms in American history, the corporate world, and the numerous things moms carry through their working journey.

There were a few things that felt repetitive (equality, not anti-men, and such.) I also wish the book was structured a bit differently because it seemed to jump around from topic to topic at times.

I like the empowering messages this book conveys, and the short chapters are a plus (especially for busy moms!) but the organization felt a little bit all over the place. I appreciate each of the chapters conveying a “carry” topic, and how they investigate many challenges that moms face.

First Lines (Introduction): Someone in their 20s asked me recently, “What do you do?” Simple enough question, right?
Genre: Christian Self-Help, Motherhood
Author: Paula Faris
Page Count: 256

#CoverLoverBookReview received a complimentary copy of this book. Opinions are 100% mine.

[April · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked this book. Amazing facts about moms and how are brains grow smarter when we are prego! And how we absolutely could be and should be running things. I have mom guilt. Not for the reason she lists but for going out and doing too much: Bookclub or lunches or bike races. I feel like I should be with my girls. But they have way more fun with friends so I am just trying to find the balance. Who knows? Hopefully I’m not messing up my kids beyond repairs.

[Kelly Paradis · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm a little bit torn on this book. This is a subject I am hugely passionate about, but I had trouble getting into the narrative. I think the organization could be a little bit better, because it moves between memoir to history/religion lessons to interviews to research and back again. I also felt that there's too much emphasis on mothers having to fix the problems that society has created together. Multiple times the author states that this book is not anti-men, and that it's women that really need to step it up for change (but also make sure we aren't "mom-shaming"). Yes, we can't alienate men in the quest for equity, but the burden also needs to be on the group in power to help things move forward. In this sense, I felt it was a bit contradictory and maybe just another example of women trying to "carry it all".

Thank you to NetGalley and Worthy Publishing, Worthy Books for the opportunity to access this free e-arc in exchange for an honest review.

[Oona · Rating 3 out of 5]

Really enjoyed this read, although I felt myself being slightly distracted with it at times. For me, I think it could have been slightly shorter and still held the punch that I enjoyed about it. I really liked the statistics and the history aspects of it, the parts where I felt myself wandering were when she got into a lot of personal parenting ideals. I still think it's well worth a read, and a worthwhile topic.

[Katie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great read for moms who work in or out of the home! Paula's support of all mamas is such an encouragement. If you're overwhelmed and looking for help, this book is for you! Or, if you're wanting to support other moms, this book is for you. I especially appreciated the Biblical examples Paula gives of moms who were active in the marketplace/bringing in an income in the Bible. The stats given in this book are great tools to combat mom guilt, too.

[Kayla · Rating 3 out of 5]

You Don't Have to Carry it All is about finding a better way for working moms. It's a call to moms for changing your expectations. It's a call for friends and spouses to step up and offer support. It's a call to businesses to be better, to be forward thinking, and to build family friendly organizations. Paula Faris did a good job delivering this message. She brought in facts and statistics. She had real examples from real organizations on what does and doesn't work. And she brought humor and lightness to the crazy situations we face when raising children. There's nothing really new or profound here, so I didn't love the book, but it was a good read. Even better for a new mother who is just trying to find their way.

[Rhonda Lomazow · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an excellent book that I wish I had when my child was younger.Paula has great strategies and I enjoyed her personal stories which made me feel I was listening to a girlfriend with great advice.#netgalley #worthybooks.

[Staci Yontz · Rating 3 out of 5]

A refreshing and encouraging read for moms. We are riddled with guilt when we don’t do everything perfect but we don’t have to be. Who’s expectations are we trying to live up to. This book identifies the imbalances in our culture and tips for how we can better support other moms and women.

[Erin Gibson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I throughly enjoyed this. I thought Paula did a fantastic job presenting lots of info/food for thought! I wouldn’t say I agree on every piece but I did appreciate the overall message that resonated as a working mom & just a momma in general.

[Mary Jankowy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is empowering, validating, encouraging, and challenging! It needs to be in the hands of every mama, everywhere!

[Lindsey Carlin · Rating 2 out of 5]

Maybe a better read for someone in HR or in a hiring position, but it lacked practical advice for how to not carry it all in today’s climate. Also spouting feminist ideas while also screaming “but I’m not a feminist!” is a big pet peeve of mine and Faris does this a lot throughout the book.

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a book I wish I read years ago. Definitely a must for everyone, men and women!

[Julia O'Brien(Hardgrove) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thanks Paula, from one mom to a another.

I liked her emphasis on all moms being working moms no matter their profession. All the mom acronyms and phrases can be decisive. It’s all hard, it’s not a Martyrdom competition.

I also like the emphasis on paternity leave as a critical next strep to support families. Equal leave reduces female workplace discrimination for being a “liability “ that will be gone for months and maybe never come back. It allows the partner to take care of the house and baby while the mother recovers. hello, after childbirth there is a diner plate sized wound in the uterus from the a major organ (placenta) leaving the body, along with so many other physical body changes the mom needs time in bed to recover from. Finally dads deserve baby bonding time too, to support a lifetime relationship with their child!

The historical and worldviews she brings in from colonial, industrial, biblical and Scandinavian countries put 2022 US moms in context. I liked the biblical scriptures Paula draws from to show women in important roles of leaders and has expert discuss the context of the scriptures to discuss gender norms at the time. In some ways they were more inclusive then now. Women were great shop keepers and market traders, they had to be while their husbands were off at war.

I was sad reading there is a happiness gap between women with children and women without, along with the common phrases of “mom guilt” that just don’t exist in the same way in European countries.
Europe views raising children as a community effort with a community benefit, while america views raising kids as an individual effort with a community benefit.
Their infrastructure provides accessible and affordable childcare, caregiver leave and healthcare.
Paula emphasizes how we need adults feeling supported to have kids, to support our economy. As you grow older don’t you want kind and competent healthcare workers to take care of you, pay taxes, do admin for your social security checks, be farmers, builders, city planners etc.

I like the emphasis that the TV 50s housewife was never a reality. For a very small portion that had the closest resemblance to a “father knows best” tv family their was poverty, increased teen pregnancy, abstinence sexed, domestic violence and both parents feeling trapped behind the rigid roles of provider or caregiver. Please let’s stop asking to get back to a time, that didn’t really exist.

Paula shares her fact finding with us along with her personal stories aswell.
During her third miscarriage which started while out a restaurant, she brings her teenage daughter into the bathroom with her, to let her know that right now she was miscarrying. Her daughter offered compassion for her mother in the moment, and based on that experience will likely extend companions to others, knowing that miscarriages are a devastatingly common part of humanity.
Paula also emphasize how she aimes to raise her two sons as partners that know how to do housework. Paula recognizes her own bias she needs to be mindful of to prevent learned helplessness with her boys.

Overall this books says what had already been said by many.
Paula even mentions that after all the books and conferences on the topic and on the action items there is still a lot of progress to be made though everyday actions in our personal lives, workplace and politics.
Yes ma’am we need to continue our advocacy for parents and children, thanks for adding your voice and actions through this book and Carry media.

[Andrew · Rating 5 out of 5]

In You Don’t Have to Carry It All, Paula Faris explored how society is currently valuing motherhood and the implications moms are facing in the workplace. In the book, she shared how she was a journalist for over two decades. In 2020, she was lost her job and was not resigned to her network contact with ABC during COVID-19. She was a co-anchor on Good Morning America: Weekend Edition and a cohost on the View. This is what lead her to begin CARRY Media which focuses on women and their stories on being a mother and also balancing the workplace and their experiences. She shared how moms make 70% of what dads make in the workforce. There is a pay gap. Part of this could be due to the rising costs of daycare and how it's more expensive. She also explored the topic of mother’s guilt and how this is affecting women and leading to extreme burnout. She also looked at how some studies found that women are perceived as less capable if they stayed home with their children to raise them and this more than likely led to a resume gap. She looked at the dynamics of the history of women and how their roles changed throughout the different historical times.



In the book, she also discussed her treatment in the media field and how she was told she wouldn’t make it in TV until she showed her boobs more. She was told women couldn’t be in sports media. She explained how women anchors have to their outfit approved before you go on air but male anchors don’t have to go through the same experiences. She revealed how she was instructed to wear more makeup to hide her pregnancy mask.


One of the most shocking stories was of an Australian news anchor, Karl Stefanovic who secretly made a stance and chose to wear the same suit for a most of the year on air. He shared how women are more judged on their looks and he was more judged on his interviews. No one noticed that he wore the same suit and if a woman would have done that someone would have tweeted or made comments about how they looked.


I would recommend this awesome book about women and their role in society and all of the challenges that are facing currently. This book was very interesting in reading about everything that is happening in America and how women are viewed as qualified leaders. I immensely liked how she included a list on what companies can do to assist working moms and bring about changes in their organization. I also liked how she discussed paid paternity leave and how dads normally only take a few days when they have a new child and mostly the reason is that companies don’t offer it. There is tons of studies and data in this book to get the message across and it’s a very beneficial book.



"I received this book free from the publisher, Hachette Book Group/Faithwords for my honest review.”

[Kim Taylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

In this amazing book, Paula has carried us on a journey of why Moms do not have to carry everything on her shoulders. Listening to the audio book for me made this book even more spectacular because I can hear Paula’s emotions and enthusiasm in sharing her message. As a Mom who has experienced Mom guilt 3 times, hearing the positive encouragement from Paula has helped me realize that mistakes I’ve made are not ones that hold me back, but propel me to learning better and more creative ways of accomplishing goals. For me being organized varies more at home than work. At work I’m organized because it’s a must but when home I often Find myself still focusing on the everything has to be in the right place all the time. Paula has opened her heart and struggles and has encouraged everyone who reads this book that we are not alone in our struggles and that having Mom guilt is normal and we need not always try to be Wonder Woman. Her first book was amazing as well. This new book is for men as well. I’ve shared the audio with my daughter merely to encourage her when she starts her family that routines don’t have to be static and that every Mom is unique, special and relevant more than we think. Paula has given us the message to wake up to the hassles and struggles and not let it bog us down but encourages us to share openly our concerns. I highly recommend the audio book because of hearing Paula’s own words helped ingrain into my memory that I am a good Mom , maybe with flaws but it’s okay to be yourself and seek help. So many times we want to be Wonder Woman and we beat ourselves up, but we need to realize what’s most important is loving yourself, your family and working together to get things done. I’m blessed to have a supportive husband who does many things for me and did the same when our kids were babies. This book by Paula is a gem and a must read. Perfect gift as well. Please share and get this book! You will forever be grateful to Paula for opening up this conversation. As a working Mom, I feel as If I now can breathe a little better knowing all Moms have faced similar issues! A 10 star book all the way! ~DrK

[Amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Paula Faris' book, You Don't Have to Carry It All, is a revolutionary call to all members of society to make changes to benefit mothers and future generations, but especially to aid working mothers, who, so often, bear the brunt of trying, and failing, to do it all. Early on in the book, Faris writes about the mothers from whom she heard stories, telling us that "[w]e're all experiencing the same feelings of desperate burnout, the barbaric conflict of mom guilt, and bone-weary exhaustion of carrying it all. We're feeling like we're failing everywhere--at work and at home. And to add insult to injury, most of us are underpaid while we're doing it." Faris then backs these statements up with research and numbers, some of which I had hoped had changed in the fourteen years since I had birthed my child and returned to the work force. Sadly, I was disappointed. Faris writes, "being a mother in America limits you. It creates a ceiling you cannot schedule, manipulate, or power around. No matter how much money or influence you have, being a working mom doesn't work." I have felt this sentiment exactly. The good news is that Faris then includes chapters on how very powerful working mothers are, and how valuable they are to the workforce, and she makes suggestions, like how to ask for a raise and how to invite men into this important conversation, to improve the workforce not only for today's working mothers, but for future generations. Faris' advice and suggestions lead this book to be encouraging and uplifting, such that, at the very least, this working mother is ready for another day in the trenches.

[Tanya Vought · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is must-read for all mom's! It applies to those who stay home or work out of the home... it applies to every mom!

You Don't Have to Carry It All... is a perfect title for this incredible book. Paula Faris nails this book on Mom GUILT.. to a T, families, work force issues and many more areas we need to work on.

I've found so many podcasts to look up, businesses to support who support & care strongly about their female employees (and then those businesses who also will give men the ample time to be away and help take care of their children with their spouse) and then many more highlighted areas to look back on.
However, that being said, there's one message I need to remind myself that I LOVED from the book.
WE CAN NOT do it all. Ask for help! Drop the guilt and get your children, spouse, etc to help you... Esp your sons. They need to see that they, too can do the household chores.

Also, add more JOY into your day. Say YES to something that brings you happiness and leave the dishes.... for later. ;) (Well, if you can... heheh)

I loved every moment of this book. From history/facts to places, businesses that help/support women, to those that help men and care about them and paternity leave, podcasts to look at/into, quotes from various people.... just everything about this book I loved! Just perfection.

I highly recommend this book to all my mom friends!!!!

5 stars from me.

*Recv'd an ARC in exchange for an honest review. Thank you to NetGalley and Worthy Publishing, Worthy Books for a copy of this book.

[Julie · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a working mom with a blog about being a working mom and sharing tips for working moms -yes I mean I had to read this one right? I will tell you this book will take you through all sorts of angry moments learning about what we American working moms as a collective have all been through over time, and how it does not have to be this way. I will honestly say nothing in this book surprised me, we already know how freaking amazing we are. But the book backs that up with facts, reminding others that it is scientifically proven that when women become moms, our capacity grows, our empathy grows, and yes we become smarter. Boom. But again, working moms knew that already in our core.

What we really need is for all of Corporate America to read this book. YOU (yes I'm pointing fingers) need to understand how amazing working moms are, and that we deserve the recognition, and equal pay. YOU need to realize we can do everything we need to for our careers and be a great parent, but not at the exact same moment of the day. I'm pointing at you, corporate offices returning to the office for the "culture" - when working remotely gives working moms the space and time to do everything, and going back to the office undermines our abilities and takes away our time.

So moms, take this book as permission to drop the weight of the guilt, drop the burdens of trying to do it all at every second of every day, and allow yourself to find the harmony between work and parenting and life where and how it works for you.

[CindyGil · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book ran in circles first trying to set the premise that women have no way of measuring their efficiency or value as moms and or working moms. Then ending with yes, carry it all. I didn’t relate to the comparisons made in the book to social media or the author’s journey as a working mom.
This is coming from a working mom. I wish the author would have explored the experiences of working moms across social economic status, ethnicities and race in America.
It would have also been really cool to hear from moms across the globe. During my short traveling experiences to Mexico I was inspired and challenged by various examples of working moms there. One a hotel manager at the Hampton we stayed in at Mexico City. This lady was polished from head to toe, working, being a mom and rocking it. Another awesome example was a physician we visited when my little one caught a bug while traveling. She just had her little one and literally was watching her baby and doing her practice at the same time. Amazing! We spoke candidly about the challenge of managing both but also its benefits. Being a parent is magical, because our children are extraordinary. It’s also exhausting and hard but so worth it. I can go on. I’m sorry to say the book focused more on the financial and personal sacrifices made and less on the political systems which make being a working mom hard. Our laws and work policies do not embrace working moms or moms. Look at our infant and maternal mortality rates. That will tell you a lot. Wish the author would have provided a more examined look at these issues.

[Nikki Romig · Rating 4 out of 5]

"𝘞𝘦'𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘣𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘵, 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘳𝘣𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘤 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘧𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘰𝘮 𝘨𝘶𝘪𝘭𝘵, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘰𝘯𝘦-𝘸𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘺 𝘦𝘹𝘩𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘧 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘳𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘭. 𝘞𝘦'𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘧��𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘸𝘦'𝘳𝘦 𝘧𝘢𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 - 𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘦."

It was really hard for me to pick a quote to go with for this post (I highlighted so many throughout my reading)!

Also, this is going to be a very condensed review with a longer one coming soon because I have A LOT of thoughts.

Overall, I really enjoyed reading this! There were a ton of times where I was like YES - THANK YOU! There were other times that made me realize how lucky I am to have such a supportive and amazing boyfriend and father to our little man.

In open honesty, I only gave it 4.5 because it does take a slight turn into religion that I wasn't prepared for - its not bad (I used to practicality live at my church's youth group), I guess I just didn't personally feel like it "fit" in what I was reading. I get why it was there... just adding my two cents!

Thank you Paula, @worthypub and @netgalley for the advanced copy of this book in exchange for an honest review!
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#bookstagram #booksta #books #booksbooksbooks #avidreader #ilovereading #thetwistedlibrarian #professionalbookworm #whatsnikkireading #book14of2023 #youdonthavetocarryitall #paulafaris #selfhelp #parenting #family #mom #momguilt #workingmom #worthypublishing #netgalley #arc #advancedreadercopy #nonfiction

[Zibby Owens · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book finally gets to the truth as to why moms feel so overwhelmed in America and how we can change that. The author provides insight from her interviews with working moms, men, leaders, and experts. She discusses the cultural expectations and traps American moms are forced into. The author also gives practical and actionable steps on how we (as moms) can balance work, mommying, and living—without feeling guilty.

The book gets to the core of how our society scrutinizes and punishes moms, pushing us to work like we don't have kids and raise kids like we don't have to work. I liked reading about the interviews with historians and sociologists discussing "Why it is so hard to be a mom in America?" But I especially liked how the author gave us information on how to change the perceptions of moms at home—chapter eight talks about how we can talk with dads/husbands/partners about making changes. In addition to making societal and home-level changes, moms must stop putting unrealistic expectations on themselves and stop feeling guilty because we cannot be superheroes.

To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at:
https://www.momsdonthavetimetoreadboo...

[Lacey Swaim · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am part of the launch team so I received the audio version of this book back in February. I listened to it on my way to a technology conference on a Saturday morning. Yes, I was completing PD(Professional Development) on a Saturday after a very long week of teaching high school students. Am I crazy? Most likely but that is a different story. We do try to carry it all. I teach high school every day, tutor two days a week, work on a master's degree and care for my family, husband, two boys, dog, and cat. I am trying to carry it all.

I loved this book, Paula says in Chapter 10, "Ninety percent of working moms feel burned out and I'm one of them." I feel this every day. I love how relatable Paula is. Even though she reached the height of her career when she worked for GMA and The View, she is no different than us normal moms. Read this book if you feel this way. You will not regret it. I especially recommend the audiobook.

Paula goes through the history of women both at home and in the workforce. She gives us ways that we can support each other and ways that we can take care of ourselves. #YDHTCIA

[YF · Rating 5 out of 5]

I highly recommend this book. I cannot stress how much I need this book, but I needed to hear Paula's voice and message. So often, we moms can feel so alone and burdened to shoulder everything with a bright smile when we sometimes need to know someone else sees us and understands what we are going through. What's more, Paula's voice gives hope to what we can do and encourage others and inspires the young ladies in our lives (daughters, nieces, granddaughters, etc.) and young men (sons, nephews, grandsons, etc.) as they grow for our future. I also recommend this book to employers and human resource departments. What a great example of how to help the working parent give their best self and get their best in their organizations. This book had many great examples of how crucial work-life balance is for both parents. I loved this book so much that I have already bought extra copies for my girlfriends. Thank you, Paula, for giving us a voice and sharing much of your journey and research. This book was a true blessing to me and has opened many conversations for me.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nothing that new to note- but something to pay attention to. How we treat moms in society, in the workplace- really in America is good to reflect on and imagine if and how it could be different. I have said since Ellie was born that I hope she has it easier- having to decide if I wanted to keep working or stay at home- and battling guilt or uncertainty with that decision felt never ending. I pray for peace, and more advocating for the importance for women in the workplace. I will say reading this I felt very lucky for the wonderful men and women I have worked for- who helped make my life as a working mom easier. And for my wonderful husband and partner that has always supported me and been a true partner.

[Bridget Jones]

"Just because we can carry it all doesn't mean we should."

A great read for all mothers. As a working outside of the home mother it was exactly what I needed to hear. The title sums it up perfectly. You DONT have to carry it all. Mom guilt is real and this book reminds you you do not have to do it alone and in fact you should not do it alone. The book is packed with startling statistics and facts about disparities between the mothers and fathers in the workplace as well as at home. While most of these facts are well known, the book offers ways to advocate for change so that future generations of mothers don't feel like they have to carry it all.

Thank you netgalley for the ARC of the book!

[Janet Mylin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I listened to the audiobook (which was AMAZINGLY well-done) and kept saying, "Oh!" "Wow!" YESSSS!" the whole way through.

I particularly found two things valuable:
1. It wasn't a man-bashing book at all. Paula is a true-to-heart journalist and looks at the problems from all angles. She mentions repeatedly that this is a problem that is only truly solved when we all work together. I truly appreciated that.
2. Her section on discovering if our view of a woman's role is biblical or just cultural or a learned dysfunction was enlightening. I had several moments of bright clarity and promptings to evaluate my own mindsets.

Well done, Paula! Thank you for being so curious!

[Emily Widen anderson · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great reminder that the mental, emotional, and physical load of motherhood is enormous, and if you work on top of that…go easy on yourself! Included some great historical and biblical insights, plus a convincing case that the culture of the workplace in the US needs to change to support mothers. One of my favorite quotes from the book: “You’re GOING to drop balls every single day. Keep the glass balls in the air, and let the plastic ones fall.” Consider this your permission to drop something (perfectionism, constant mom guilt, expectations, embarrassment over your resume gap, anxiety about your overflowing inbox, etc.)!

[Ännä · Rating 4 out of 5]

You Don't Have to Carry it All is a read targeted at mothers struggling with the ubiquitous "mommy guilt." The concepts of mental load and the disparities between the roles of men and women in the family seems to be pushing its way into the public consciousness. I recommend this book to moms struggling with their sense of identity and self worth. It will provide a boost of encouragement. I hope one day, for my daughters, these archaic expectations and burdens will shift and books like this would not be necessary!

Thanks to Paula Faris, Worthy Publishing, and Netgalley for providing an ARC of this book in exchange for my honest review.