Pretty Baby

by Chris Belcher

A queer teen rebel escapes small-town Appalachia and becomes Los Angeles’s Renowned Lesbian Dominatrix in this searing and darkly funny memoir that upends our understanding of sexuality, class, and power.

“The dominatrix is the id of American femininity,” writes Chris Belcher. “She says the words that we wish we could say when we find ourselves frozen. No is principal among them.”

From an early age, Belcher appeared destined for a life of conventional femininity. At all of eighteen months old, she took first place in an infant beauty contest, a minor glory that tends to follow you around a working-class town of 1,600 people in rural Appalachia. As a high school freshman, she goes along with what’s expected of joining the cheerleaders and winning over the boys. Girls who cater to male desire are admired. But admiration is fleeting, double standards are enraging, and Belcher is restless for a chance to act on her own desires. When she falls in love with another girl and shares the secret of her queerness, the conservative community that had once celebrated its prettiest baby swiftly turns on her.

A decade later and two thousand miles away, living in Los Angeles and trying to stay afloat in the early years of a PhD program, Belcher plunges into the work of a pro-domme. Branding herself as LA’s Renowned Lesbian Dominatrix, she specializes in male clients who want a woman to make them feel worthless, shameful, and weak—all the abuse regularly heaped upon women for free. A queer woman whom men can trust with the unorthodox side of their sexualities, Chris is paid to be the keeper of the fantasies that they can’t enact in their everyday relationships. But moonlighting as a sex worker also carries risks, like the not-so-submissive who tries to turn the tables and the jealous client who seeks revenge through blackmail. Belcher refuses to feel shame about the work she does, but fear that her doctorate program won’t approve—even in the field of gender and sexuality studies—burdens her with a double life. Pretty Baby is her second coming out.

As Lisa Taddeo’s New York Times bestseller Three Women gave us a revelatory look inside female desire, this sharp and discerning memoir dissects male desire—its harm, its greed, and its secrets—and examines how queerness could hold the answers to subverting it.

Genres: Memoir, Queer, Nonfiction, LGBT, Audiobook, Biography, Sex Work

270 pages, Kindle Edition

First published July 12, 2022

About the author

Chris Belcher is a writer, professor, and former sex worker. She completed a PhD in English at the University of Southern California, where she is now Assistant Professor (Teaching) of Writing and teaches in the Department of Gender and Sexuality Studies. Under her working name, Natalie West, she edited the acclaimed anthology We Too: Essays on Sex Work and Survival. Born and raised in West Virginia, she now lives in Los Angeles with her partner and two orange cats.

Reviews

[CaseyTheCanadianLesbrarian]

I am not into the tone of this book. I'm having a similar reaction to how I felt reading the first bit of Maggie Nelson's The Argonauts, like the author is trying to scandalize, shock, and titillate me with the sexual content. That is just not something I'm interested in as a reader and it's not a reason why I read. Perhaps it's something that was done by an editor with the intention of marketability?

Belcher's writing is very propulsive and readable, and she knows how to set a scene. So if "scandalous" content about 12-year-olds wanting to lose their virginity and details about being a pro dominatrix are up your alley, this might be the book for you. To be clear: it's not this content that I'm not interested in, it's the way it's being presented and the reaction it feels like its purpose is to evoke.

I'd be interested to read reviews by sex workers about this book, because it feels to me very much like it's written for a non-sex worker audience, which would explain the tone but that's just a hunch I have as a non-sex worker. For memoirs that cover a queer coming of age and sex work, I prefer Amber Dawn and Melissa Febos's work.

[Erik · Rating 3 out of 5]

Pretty Baby is Chris Belcher's reflection on growing up queer in Appalachia and coming of age as a dominatrix-academic in L.A.

From puberty, Chris was fascinated by sex and sexuality and spent much of her teenage years trying and failing to explore it - first with boys and then with girls. But being queer in coal country is never easy, and Chris struggled to find her place as a masculine, visibly queer girl in West Virginia. When she found herself in L.A. - pursuing a PhD in English but without the finances to survive - she also found herself dating one of the most prolific dominatrixes in the city. This woman - Catherine - would teach Chris everything she needed to know: how to do high-femme drag, how to travel safely, how to whip, cane, and spank. Chris became the embodiment of a shift in power balances: a woman who is paid to have power over men.

The first half of Pretty Baby is thoroughly enjoyable to read as Belcher's childhood story is unique, and she tells this story with such a vivid voice. But the books feels a bit disjointed to me: the first half acts as a thorough retelling of her childhood while the second half is a sporadic collection of certain sex-work experiences she has had and her thoughts on sexuality and domination that are spawned by them. This in and of itself could have been a great book of essays on its own but in the context of this memoir felt out-of-place. I wanted to learn more about Chris Belcher the dominatrix, sex worker but felt I learned more about theories of domination, sexuality, and gender. Nonetheless, Pretty Baby is an enjoyable read that will open your eyes and minds to sex, sex work, and their possibilities.

[Gabriella · Rating 3 out of 5]

So...I didn't hate it, but I thought this would be less boring and more insightful!! The author had a very binary understanding of the gender dynamics at play in her profession, which surprised me a bit because of her role as a "renowned lesbian dominatrix."

I did enjoy reading about her primary relationship in the book. This relationship is with her girlfriend and sometimes coworker, Catherine, who is the person who teaches her about being a domme. One warning: parts of their relationship reminded me of a book I love, In the Dream House by Carmen Maria Machado. There are nowhere near enough memoirs about lesbian relationships in general, and so the few that are honest about their unique (and often unsettling) exchanges of power feel particularly useful to me. However, in the case of both memoirs, I would not recommend them if you don't want to read about emotional abuse, sexual harassment and assault, and other very difficult relationship topics.

Final verdict: there's some useful stuff here, and of course the sex scenes are interesting. But, I imagine that you could find a similar book with more substance.

[Aimee · Rating 3 out of 5]

I love reading about people leading double lives. And man some of these “interactions” are wild. I’m not sure if I’ll view Saran Wrap in the same way ever again.
Also why am I not surprised this stuff is going on in freaking disney land?! 🫢
She explains how dominatrixs rank in the sex work hierarchy and her place as a lesbian in the industry while subsequently juggling life as a phd educator.

I thought this was such an educated and real book on dom work without the shame that envelopes most pieces of literature. It was interesting to see it approached without a layer of repentance. Though a substantial part of this book delves into the author's life before turning 18. Focusing on her memories of sexual repression and the subsequent backlash of her identity.
Her journey to erase her virginity as a means of seeking validation is a crucial aspect of the story, and it mirrors the experiences of many LGBTQIA youth.
However, it could have been cut by at least 20%. Diving into all of those teen relationships came across as YA and I just wanted to flip forward. But once I got past the slow start, it was like a whooollee different book and I couldn’t put it down!
3.5

[Miles Madonna · Rating 5 out of 5]

this was fantastic i love lesbians

[Margaret Gipson · Rating 3 out of 5]

I didn't find this book "darkly funny," or funny in any way. I did find it pretty arresting and honest in some unexpected ways. I expected it to be explicit (which is is, very) but I was surprised by Belcher's honesty about her motives (money, power), and interested to hear how she harnessed aspects of traditional femininity that felt inauthentic to her in order to achieve these ends. She admits that ultimately sex work still is based entirely on male desire, and I question how liberating any of it is. If you get to abuse or wield power over men but that's what they are asking for, are you subverting male control in any real way? I don't think so, and I don't think Belcher thinks so either.
3.5 stars

[George Ilsley · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a difficult book to summarize or describe. I learned a great deal about the many ways men enjoy being humiliated. It is interesting to think of humiliation as a consumer good, and this memoirist describes dishing it out in large juicy dollops.

Belcher had a split life during much of this memoir: working as a "lesbian dominatrix" and studying/teaching English and writing.

There is much going on here, including some philosophizing and personal stories of intimate relationships outside of work.

The writing is lean, evocative, and polished. The details are restrained, yet over-the-top. Permit me to circle back to the beginning: this memoir is a challenge to describe. I read it, I liked it, it make me uncomfortable and I could not put it down. It provided a voyeuristic glimpse into lives and experiences which was eye-opening.

[Paige Vossen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved hearing about Chris’s experience as a professional dominatrix!!! She found so much power in herself from taking on this persona and that’s a wonderful accomplishment. Sex work is work wether you’re doing it full time or just on the side REMEMBER THAT!!!!! Also this also just makes you think about peoples lives in an interesting way because Chris has a full on PhD and wears tweed jackets to work and then was changing into black latex suits and humiliating men for money. Like helloooooo you are awesome girl???!! this kept me so intrigued and hooked the entire time!!!

[Bridgo · Rating 5 out of 5]

memoir that captures the intersections of queerness, class, gender, sex work, academia, rural communities and relationships in a compelling picture. great to have read alongside kitten, good girl, and dykette in the past year. thank u soph for ordering from unity lol

[Alyssa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great memoir, fun to read and fast paced. This captures what (can) lead up to becoming a sex worker -surprise!! sometimes not trauma- and what sex work can look like. I loved the author's voice, dryly funny and clearly intelligent. Her story was laced with just the right amount of "elder millennial" nostalgia to make her story feel familiar but not pandering. Chris Belcher can weave me a tale any day and it very much felt like catching up with a friend over late night drinks, trading outrageous tales of sex, money, and power. Loved this book and read it quickly! I can imagine a sensitive reader might find it to have a high ick factor, it didn't bug me at all. Who am I to yuck someone else's consenting yum?

**Thanks to Net Galley and Avid Reader Press for the ARC!**

[Kyler · Rating 4 out of 5]

All I’ve gotta say is that this woman just really, at her core, finds all men to be the ugliest things to ever walk this Earth and I love her for it

[Jane Fleetwood · Rating 5 out of 5]

Memoir about a lesbian dominatrix living in LA that sucked me in from the prologue. I loved her recollection of being a young queer, and the various queers she collected along the way. She lets you in on the mental space of what it takes to be a dominatrix, and a lesbian one at that. She writes of specific sessions and relationships centered around topics of power, sexuality, jealousy, sexism, mercy, boundaries, respect, money, academia. Loved it loved it loved it.

[Danielle ♡ Tivoli · Rating 4 out of 5]

This one was a bit of a journey 🙃 The amazing parts were AMAZING, and some bits… not so much. Overall, kept me intrigued and emotionally invested.

[Simran Kaur · Rating 5 out of 5]

quick easy read! i really need to read more queer authors. first half ish more of a memoir of her childhood and life pre-dominatrix. i felt like i could cry and was also in the biggest hug the entire time. call it validation of queer experiences idk. hit a soft spot in ways i don’t even know how to explain. second half, life as a dominatrix was more raw than sexual. well-written, incredibly intimate while embodying how impersonal the work is

[Danielle | Dogmombookworm · Rating 4 out of 5]

PRETTY BABY |

Is probably not going to be for everyone. There are some parts towards the beginning that deal with

Throughout Belcher is confronted over and over with consent. It's a hairy line in relation to sex. Sometimes it's clear cut. Sometimes it's not. And sometimes it started off clear cut, but gets hazy. For those reasons, this book will not be for everyone. Check the trigger warnings if you think this may be you.

But this book also explores how Belcher attempts or tries to create a temporal space and atmosphere where she can reclaim power over those who enter, by dictating what are the boundaries, how she'll be in control and what will happen as she dictates the actions that transpire in the assigned hour or so.

But even still it can sometimes gets hazy as we see with one of her clients, Jenny. As it relates to sex. Because boundaries and words, while seemingly direct, can be pushed and made to obfuscate other meanings, allowing a grey area to be exposed.

Ultimately though if you strip money out of it, the need for someone to make a living by playing into this type of power, both inside the dungeon as the domme and outside in the world, as men do in the performance that is their life, how would each of us choose to act?

[pau · Rating 4 out of 5]

me gusto pero sigo teniendo Mixed Opinions™ about sex work y no creo que nunca vaya a fully agree with it but it was cool to read the perspective of an actual sex worker en vez de solo lo q dice la gente and i liked her writing style 👍👍

[Juliet · Rating 5 out of 5]

Part coming of age story, part musings on the power dynamics between sex workers, Pretty Baby is a searingly honest memoir about growing up queer in a small town and finding yourself through sexuality.
We follow Chris as she grows up a rebellious and sexually curious kid in rural Appalachia. She finds out that she is a lesbian as a teenager, and rejects the role of "pretty baby" that was pushed onto her by her conservative family.
In college, she is introduced to sex work by her partners, and ends up working as a dominatrix in Los Angeles to help finance her life while working in her PhD program. We follow Belcher along as she lives her double life in academia and in the BDSM community.

I love the commentary that this book offers on gender, sexuality, and power. One of my favorite conversations in the book is about the "whore heirarchy" where dommes face less stigma than escorts because they don't have sex with clients. We learn that even within the world of sex work, sex is stigmatized. Belcher takes this a step further to point out her privilege as a PhD student, and how this gives her more social capital than her partner, who does not have a career outside of sex work.

This is such an interesting and illuminating memoir. I felt like I learned a lot from this book and I can't recommend it enough. Please check trigger warnings before reading.

Thank you so much to Caroline and Avid Reader Press for sending me an ARC to review!!

Pretty Baby comes out on July 12th.

[Sandie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this memoir because the author, Chris, ran a book club that I attended about a decade ago, and I’m always interested in reading and supporting writers I’ve met in the local literary community. Those books, however, can be hit or miss. This one was definitely a hit.

While I agree with other reviewers that the second half of the book gets a little overly academic, the writing is excellent, Chris’s experiences are fascinating, and her vulnerability and bravery are so admirable.

[Eric · Rating 1 out of 5]

A somewhat inane, truly tasteless, bit of feminism that holds up for scrutiny the life of a dominatrix as worthy of consideration - don't.

[Leah Tyler]

"The dominatrix is the id of American femininity. She says the words that we all wish we could say when we find ourselves frozen in the presence of men. 'No' is principal among them."

How do I convey everything this powerhouse of a woman, a lesbian dominatrix PhD who teaches gender studies at USC, taught me about my own womanhood?

"To use the word 'no' is to disrupt femininity itself. Women are supposed to be nice, pleasing, compliant, available. No is the utterance that disrupts all of that. It is the failure of femininity to do what it's told."

I knew I would enjoy listening to Belcher tell me about how she was paid to abuse and insult twisted men. And I did. Immensely.

"Years later he called me, a self-identified lesbian dominatrix, and paid me to kick him in the balls. Was I the safety valve our culture required, protecting other women from homophobic attacks?"

But maybe domination isn't as liberating as I assumed? Because the grapple between sex, power, and desire is wildly complex and ultimately quite dangerous. And Belcher is absolutely the person to dissect it.

"That thing that I had taken that didn't belong to me, it was myself."

Belcher starts with her childhood in Appalachia--the porn and punk rock that shaped her formative years, the queer shaming she experienced in school that hardened her sexual perceptions, her struggle to find meaningful relationships in adulthood. The time she spends as a dominatrix in Los Angeles is juicy and riveting and educational and liberating and raw and honest in alternating waves.

"Domination is one of the only professions in which femininity is worth more than masculinity."

But, after all she taught me, I have to ask, is it really?

[Sadie McGuire · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think I liked this book more as a memoir about growing up queer in Appalachia than I did about being an LA dominatrix. It’s easy to forget how far we’ve come in such a short amount of time. Where now it seems like every gen z’er is somewhere on the queer spectrum, but being a teen lesbian in the late 90s / early 2000s was a terrifying thing to be, and I’m sure still is in many parts of the country. I say this all as a hetero cis woman who had never had to deal with any of this kind of bullying directly.

Belcher’s childhood takes up a good chunk of the book, and the foray into sex work is teased for a while before we actually get there. And then when we do, it all happens so fast. In the few chapters (maybe 5-6 of a 22 chapter book) that explicitly tell about our narrator’s experience with kinky John’s, she seamlessly weaves in the gender & sexuality theoretical frameworks she is clearly well versed in, to examine the various power dynamics at play in her sessions: domme & sub; male & female; gay & straight.

It’s a critique I almost never have but I wish this was 50 pages longer! I wish we got to explore the dominatrix years more, and more interestingly hear how she got out of this work. The book ends on a full circle note of one of Belcher’s students writing about paying for college via sex work, like Belcher did herself. But that transition from student / sex worker to teacher is only given a paragraph at most.

There is more to explore here, but I like where we were going. Definitely keeping my eye on other works from this author.

[amanda macchiarola · Rating 5 out of 5]

such a gritty, graphic, and entrancing read. i’ve never read anything like this. chris’ life is unpredictable and like nothing i’ve ever heard of before. she has wise input about the juxtaposition of womanhood and sex work, academia and sex work, and lesbianism and sex work. it’s very bleak to realize that despite how privileged chris is in the sense that she is qualified and has a college degree (or two), she is still turned away from opportunities, still not making enough money to live via teaching, and still racked with student debt. even though sex work is deemed as a last resort and for the uneducated, i think chris learned just as much from it as she did in her ph.d program. my only nitpick is i wanted more about her personal life outside of the dungeon, however that was not the goal of the book, so i definitely would love more work from chris in the future if she ever writes anything else!

[Hanna Anderson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Well, this was definitely not what I was expecting. Started off the first few chapters wanting so badly to quit reading, but stuck it out.

I think the writing style is really good- Belcher has a way with drawing readers in. I thought this would be more of an account of the struggle of wanting to make ends meet through her side job. I wish there had been more discussion around the academia portion of her life.

Honestly, it was just too graphic for me. I was not expecting fully disclosed descriptions of Belcher’s client sessions. This is obviously a personal opinion though, so I’m still giving 3 stars. The book did touch beautifully on topics such as power and family relations, I just wish that supporting anecdotes were less sexual.


*This book was given to me free in exchange for an honest review.*

[Becky C · Rating 4 out of 5]

Perfect if you love outlandish, dramatic, too-wild-to-be-true memoirs. From a coming-of-age through a turbulent childhood in rural Virginia as a queer teen trying to find herself, Chris ends up navigating the difficulties of her double life in LA as an underpaid professor / grad student whilst secretly working as a professional dominatrix to make ends meet. A career I never knew much about, it was fascinating to learn some of the hilarious, shocking and disturbing stories from all aspects of her work, as well as her life lessons learned on power, gender and identity, and how she changed as a person as a result of her experiences. Be sure to check trigger warnings before reading since parts can be graphic, though ultimately an engrossing read that kept me hooked throughout.

[Venus · Rating 5 out of 5]

The best memoir I’ve read!! First half is mostly about her queer upbringing, full of relatable moments and comments that made me feel connected to my fellow lesbian. I love her writing style, it feels like listening to a good friend over drinks when the conversation start to get more and more interesting. Even if you’re not a lesbian, the pointed comments about being a woman had me underlining and annotating “wow!” “So true!” all over this book. The first half brings a enriched context to her future life as a homosexual dominatrix, and has given me a greater brevity about lesbians, sex workers, and the functions of a woman. Seriously addicting read, I finished it quickly. I highly recommend this memoir!!

[Courtney Rodgers · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed the recounts of memories in this book. Her own journey through internalised homophobia and finding her feet in the industry. She speaks a lot on shame, her own but also shame in a form of judgement towards sw’rs who aren’t in her direct field. I would like to say that she came across as supportive of sex work as a whole, but I don’t necessarily believe that to be true.. The undercurrents of this book still holding tension towards the others in the industry. When raised in a society surrounded by people telling you what’s wrong and what’s right, how much do we actually let go of and how much do we still subconsciously believe to be true?

[Paul · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was a combination memoir of growing up queer in a small town and experiences in sex work. I’ve read many coming-of-age memoirs about the queer experience and this one is particularly good.

I think it was smart to combine both ideas into 1 book - the author did a good job interweaving the ideas, and at 250 pages both topics kept the story interesting / neither part dragged.

I’m looking forward to the author’s future work

[Zoo Wee Mama]

Sex work is real work.

I’ve seen plenty of documentaries on all types of sex work and what pushes you to join and what makes you leave. I hadn’t thought about learning about it in book form until my library loan came through. This is a fantastic read about queerness and how it relates to sex work. I highly recommend to further push your feminism.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

A fascinating account from a woman who finds herself taking up sex work as a dominatrix, interestingly with mostly male clients (she’s queer). Chris is a great writer, and this both taught me something about a world that I only understood at the surface, but also had some really great insight into power dynamics, imbalance between the sexes, and the bizarre internalized hierarchy sex workers measure themselves against.

I also found the first half of the book centered on her early exploration of sexuality really moving.

[holly · Rating 5 out of 5]

this was insane. could not put down SO good