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Sudden Loss Slow Grieving
A heartbreaking grief memoir, One Thousand Days and One Cup of Tea uncovers the process of healing from a personal and psychological view, written by a bereaved clinical psychologist
Vanessa's husband Paul died suddenly and tragically on their regular Sunday morning swim. This is a raw narrative of how she found a way to move forward for her teenage children, their dilapidated home and the patients who all need her. Beautifully written and honestly relayed, the book dives into the aftermath of death, the painful reminders, the heartwarming moments and how to endure the pain of loss.
" This book is about a period of great loss in my life, a time when the tables were completely turned on me. I was a qualified therapist who suddenly found myself needing psychological therapy. I was a trained researcher who became my own research subject, as I tried to make sense of what was happening to me. I was an experienced manager who now struggled to manage the events taking place in my own life. Yet, throughout all this turmoil, my patients were always there, in the background, reminding me that there are many different ways to deal with loss and trauma and search for a way forwards. " Vanessa Moore
Vanessa's husband Paul died suddenly and tragically on their regular Sunday morning swim. This is a raw narrative of how she found a way to move forward for her teenage children, their dilapidated home and the patients who all need her. Beautifully written and honestly relayed, the book dives into the aftermath of death, the painful reminders, the heartwarming moments and how to endure the pain of loss.
" This book is about a period of great loss in my life, a time when the tables were completely turned on me. I was a qualified therapist who suddenly found myself needing psychological therapy. I was a trained researcher who became my own research subject, as I tried to make sense of what was happening to me. I was an experienced manager who now struggled to manage the events taking place in my own life. Yet, throughout all this turmoil, my patients were always there, in the background, reminding me that there are many different ways to deal with loss and trauma and search for a way forwards. " Vanessa Moore
304 pages, Paperback
Published November 21, 2023
6 people are currently reading
105 people want to read
About the author
Vanessa Moore
1 book2 followersI am a clinical psychologist who has worked in the NHS for over forty years, mainly with disabled children and their families. My first book, 'One Thousand Days and One Cup of Tea' is a grief memoir prompted by the sudden and premature death on my husband.
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Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews
March 13, 2021
At the start of the book we learn of how the unthinkable can happen to any of us at any point. We take for granted just how unpredictable life can be, on what can initially seem like a normal day. Reading of Vanessa's initial reaction to the events of her husband, Paul, passing away really struck me. It made me reflect on all the times that grief can unexpectedly take over a whole state on what we might expect to be an ordinary day. The detail in which the author writes about her experiences really gave me a sense of connection with her, and I consider that many readers will likely find some element of shared experience within this memoir.
What was most interesting about the way this book is written, is that Vanessa introduces her career as a Clinical Psychologist quite modestly, and uses her professional understanding to make sense of what was happening. However, she also makes a brilliant point of breaking down the stigma of changing roles to being the client in times of need. Complexities of therapy are discussed, and hearing first hand the importance of a therapeutic relationship, and various ruptures with her own therapists really captured my interest. I think this book would definitely appeal to readers within caring or therapeutic professions to help see that beneath our job roles, we are still individual beings with our own emotions and reactions to significant life events, including grief.
At some points, I almost forgot that this book had been written by a psychologist, because the way in which she reflected on her own experiences of grief were so personal. This makes One Thousand Days And One Cup Of Tea an extremely accessible read as it isn't heavily dabbled with psychological jargon, but instead reduces the experiences to that which can be relatable by most readers.
A stand out chapter for me was how the author tried to make sense of finding feathers and linking this to scientific approaches to research. It was a brilliant example of how despite any training or knowledge that we hold may explain the world, when we embody a particular emotion or state in our personal lives, we can still hold our own perceptions and meaning making of our own life events.
The memoir follows Vanessa throughout the timeline of her coming to terms with the bereavement of her husband. By exploring the initial reaction, but also recognising the impact that grief has over time, her story is one which feel comforting to others. Addressing conflicts and the moral dilemma of 'moving on' whilst balancing responsibilities such as raising children, and making plans for the future. I found myself reflecting a lot on people in my life whom have been grieving in recent years, and it helped me to see how their response to their loss may continue to fluctuate over time, and more importantly, perhaps what I can do to be there with them.
This was exactly the book that I needed to read. As individuals I think we all have such different perspectives of grief. Mine is one of fear. But after having read this, I felt comforted, and in a strange way.. slightly more prepared for when that day comes. I would definitely recommend this book to others who perhaps have a similar worry, or have found themselves in similar circumstances of having lost a loved one. I gave it a five star review on Goodreads.
What was most interesting about the way this book is written, is that Vanessa introduces her career as a Clinical Psychologist quite modestly, and uses her professional understanding to make sense of what was happening. However, she also makes a brilliant point of breaking down the stigma of changing roles to being the client in times of need. Complexities of therapy are discussed, and hearing first hand the importance of a therapeutic relationship, and various ruptures with her own therapists really captured my interest. I think this book would definitely appeal to readers within caring or therapeutic professions to help see that beneath our job roles, we are still individual beings with our own emotions and reactions to significant life events, including grief.
At some points, I almost forgot that this book had been written by a psychologist, because the way in which she reflected on her own experiences of grief were so personal. This makes One Thousand Days And One Cup Of Tea an extremely accessible read as it isn't heavily dabbled with psychological jargon, but instead reduces the experiences to that which can be relatable by most readers.
A stand out chapter for me was how the author tried to make sense of finding feathers and linking this to scientific approaches to research. It was a brilliant example of how despite any training or knowledge that we hold may explain the world, when we embody a particular emotion or state in our personal lives, we can still hold our own perceptions and meaning making of our own life events.
The memoir follows Vanessa throughout the timeline of her coming to terms with the bereavement of her husband. By exploring the initial reaction, but also recognising the impact that grief has over time, her story is one which feel comforting to others. Addressing conflicts and the moral dilemma of 'moving on' whilst balancing responsibilities such as raising children, and making plans for the future. I found myself reflecting a lot on people in my life whom have been grieving in recent years, and it helped me to see how their response to their loss may continue to fluctuate over time, and more importantly, perhaps what I can do to be there with them.
This was exactly the book that I needed to read. As individuals I think we all have such different perspectives of grief. Mine is one of fear. But after having read this, I felt comforted, and in a strange way.. slightly more prepared for when that day comes. I would definitely recommend this book to others who perhaps have a similar worry, or have found themselves in similar circumstances of having lost a loved one. I gave it a five star review on Goodreads.
March 12, 2021
First, I want to thank Vanessa Moore, Octopus Publishing, Kyle Books and Random Things Tours for providing me with this book so I may bring you this review.
Vanessa Moore and her patients are very brave in opening up and sharing their very personal experiences with her readers in One Thousand Days and One Cup of Tea. The stories shared in this book were very heartbreaking, eye opening and very powerful. Many experiences shared I could relate to on some wavelength and others pulled on my heartstrings big time.
One thing that was very unique about this book was Vanessa explained to her readers how to use this Ebook. Never have I come across this as a book reviewer. For those who are new to Ebooks this explanation is extremely helpful and educational too.
Vanessa’s preface was very beautifully written and straight from her heart to her readers.
In each chapter Vanessa used a quote from someone well known that was relevant to the topic in that chapter.
Vanessa’s book addresses a lot of very important topics such as untimely death, loss of a parent and a spouse, dealing with grief, Autism, attachment disorder, depression, terminal lung cancer, alcoholism, etc.
The first chapter Tsunami pulled hardcore on my heartstrings as I felt all the feelings Vanessa was feeling! I was fuming at the medical staff and the reception how they were handling the situation as well. This chapter was very written with a lot of emotion and intensity behind it. My heart broke for Vanessa who lost her husband Paul! I can’t imagine the pain that it caused her. I am hoping by writing this book it was therapeutic for her and possibly help others that went through similar situations.
Vanessa does educate us with some facts and statistics on spousal death.
I smiled when I read that Vanessa would get white feathers when she thought of Paul. It was a sign from him. For me Butterflies are my symbol of rebirth. Whenever I think of my late Gram who is my guardian angel I see a Butterfly.
Vanessa’s sister had such a beautiful and unique name I had never seen before-Bryony.
I can totally relate to Vanessa’s experiences on online dating! So many pictures of guys on the dating sites are so unflattering! Then you have the other’s that just want a sexual hookup! She had some very interesting dates! I don’t blame her for getting off the dating websites as I did as well.
I loved how Vanessa ran a support group for parents of preschool children who were newly diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. Her experience running this group and the patients she had were very interesting to read. She had empathy and compassion for these children. I have worked with children in the past with this diagnosis and know first hand how sweet, adorable and smart they are.
Vanessa Moore and her patients are very brave in opening up and sharing their very personal experiences with her readers in One Thousand Days and One Cup of Tea. The stories shared in this book were very heartbreaking, eye opening and very powerful. Many experiences shared I could relate to on some wavelength and others pulled on my heartstrings big time.
One thing that was very unique about this book was Vanessa explained to her readers how to use this Ebook. Never have I come across this as a book reviewer. For those who are new to Ebooks this explanation is extremely helpful and educational too.
Vanessa’s preface was very beautifully written and straight from her heart to her readers.
In each chapter Vanessa used a quote from someone well known that was relevant to the topic in that chapter.
Vanessa’s book addresses a lot of very important topics such as untimely death, loss of a parent and a spouse, dealing with grief, Autism, attachment disorder, depression, terminal lung cancer, alcoholism, etc.
The first chapter Tsunami pulled hardcore on my heartstrings as I felt all the feelings Vanessa was feeling! I was fuming at the medical staff and the reception how they were handling the situation as well. This chapter was very written with a lot of emotion and intensity behind it. My heart broke for Vanessa who lost her husband Paul! I can’t imagine the pain that it caused her. I am hoping by writing this book it was therapeutic for her and possibly help others that went through similar situations.
Vanessa does educate us with some facts and statistics on spousal death.
I smiled when I read that Vanessa would get white feathers when she thought of Paul. It was a sign from him. For me Butterflies are my symbol of rebirth. Whenever I think of my late Gram who is my guardian angel I see a Butterfly.
Vanessa’s sister had such a beautiful and unique name I had never seen before-Bryony.
I can totally relate to Vanessa’s experiences on online dating! So many pictures of guys on the dating sites are so unflattering! Then you have the other’s that just want a sexual hookup! She had some very interesting dates! I don’t blame her for getting off the dating websites as I did as well.
I loved how Vanessa ran a support group for parents of preschool children who were newly diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. Her experience running this group and the patients she had were very interesting to read. She had empathy and compassion for these children. I have worked with children in the past with this diagnosis and know first hand how sweet, adorable and smart they are.
March 11, 2025
Vanessa Moore's account of the grief she has experienced, in the aftermath of losing her husband, is frank, honest and heartfelt. It is a clear picture, that showcases that grief is unique for each individual and that there is real value to following your own instinct- it is also ok if this sometimes leads to 'missteps' along the way.
I found this a really touching account from Moore. There is a blend of research and personal experience which provides a really holistic account of grief. I particularly enjoyed the author's investigation around other's experiences of a phenomenon she found very impactful after her loss. She is clearly a real asset to the world of clinical psychology and it feels this book very much has a place in the market memoir and will have something to give to many readers.
The interwoven narrative of Moore's experiences engaging with therapists provides a realistic view of this process (I am a therapist myself) and holds the important message about finding someone who is the right fit; the importance of different aspects of the work and how levels of engagement and commitment may feel varying over time. Moore writes about her relationships really well and has a skill for capturing the people who populate her life. Quick to own her own view perspective being unique to her, she also builds a full picture for us of the people who were important on this journey. From her own patients, to those who supported her along the way.
A touching account. This leaves room for people to live their own experience, but also provides a sense of unity in the great losses that we can experience within life and how sudden, or expected, these can be flooring.
It feels uniquely placed as a blend of experiences of a professional and personal nature and stood out for me amongst many similar books I have read. Thank you Vanessa Moore for allowing readers into your space and showcasing some of the realities of living with loss.
I found this a really touching account from Moore. There is a blend of research and personal experience which provides a really holistic account of grief. I particularly enjoyed the author's investigation around other's experiences of a phenomenon she found very impactful after her loss. She is clearly a real asset to the world of clinical psychology and it feels this book very much has a place in the market memoir and will have something to give to many readers.
The interwoven narrative of Moore's experiences engaging with therapists provides a realistic view of this process (I am a therapist myself) and holds the important message about finding someone who is the right fit; the importance of different aspects of the work and how levels of engagement and commitment may feel varying over time. Moore writes about her relationships really well and has a skill for capturing the people who populate her life. Quick to own her own view perspective being unique to her, she also builds a full picture for us of the people who were important on this journey. From her own patients, to those who supported her along the way.
A touching account. This leaves room for people to live their own experience, but also provides a sense of unity in the great losses that we can experience within life and how sudden, or expected, these can be flooring.
It feels uniquely placed as a blend of experiences of a professional and personal nature and stood out for me amongst many similar books I have read. Thank you Vanessa Moore for allowing readers into your space and showcasing some of the realities of living with loss.
March 20, 2021
Vanessa Moore is a trained clinical psychologist. As a professional she helps many of her patients deal with varying life events. When Vanessa has to deal with the sudden tragic loss of her husband, Paul, she has to navigate her own journey to process her own grief and find a way forward towards hope and an unexpected future alone.
💭 This is a deeply personal and honest account of Vanessa’s journey managing loss and grief, all the emotions that accompany it. There’s almost an assumption that someone who is a trained psychologist can better process grief and manage loss. But this memoir highlights that this is not true. Grief hits us in unimaginable ways, you have no idea how you will cope and if you have the tools to be able to do so, and as Vanessa highlights, it is a deeply personal journey shaped by everyone’s own personal history.
While this book is shaped by Vanessa’s loss of her husband, this book reaches out to anyone who has dealt with loss and grief, which is unfortunately part and parcel of life. The search for meaning and comfort in what Vanessa terms sensory threads i.e. finding a sign that someone or something you have lost is still present, strongly resonates.
What I find really interesting in this written account is the discussion of finding a suitable therapist, and how not every therapist is necessarily compatible with your needs. I’ve seen a couple of therapists before to deal with loss and anxiety and Vanessa’s experience of disappointment, frustration and abandonment is deeply relatable. I also like how seeking therapy is normalised, and if you are struggling mentally, therapy treatment is a great source of support and guidance.
⚖️ An engaging and illuminating memoir which will help others dealing with own experiences of loss and trauma. Filled with facts and experiences but easy to read.
💭 This is a deeply personal and honest account of Vanessa’s journey managing loss and grief, all the emotions that accompany it. There’s almost an assumption that someone who is a trained psychologist can better process grief and manage loss. But this memoir highlights that this is not true. Grief hits us in unimaginable ways, you have no idea how you will cope and if you have the tools to be able to do so, and as Vanessa highlights, it is a deeply personal journey shaped by everyone’s own personal history.
While this book is shaped by Vanessa’s loss of her husband, this book reaches out to anyone who has dealt with loss and grief, which is unfortunately part and parcel of life. The search for meaning and comfort in what Vanessa terms sensory threads i.e. finding a sign that someone or something you have lost is still present, strongly resonates.
What I find really interesting in this written account is the discussion of finding a suitable therapist, and how not every therapist is necessarily compatible with your needs. I’ve seen a couple of therapists before to deal with loss and anxiety and Vanessa’s experience of disappointment, frustration and abandonment is deeply relatable. I also like how seeking therapy is normalised, and if you are struggling mentally, therapy treatment is a great source of support and guidance.
⚖️ An engaging and illuminating memoir which will help others dealing with own experiences of loss and trauma. Filled with facts and experiences but easy to read.
Read
January 16, 2022Vanessa Moore as a clinical psychiatrist is used to providing therapy and guidance for her patients. But when after a regular Sunday morning swim her husband Paul dies suddenly, she is left sitting on the other side of the table.
This is a warm, honest and frank memoir in which Vanessa takes us on a journey of recovery. We are invited in as she seeks to find the right therapy to help her heal and understand the trauma that has derailed her life whilst reflecting upon her life thus far. This was both eye opening and empowering to witness.
We walk alongside her during often amusing attempts to start dating again and she begins to move forward with her life.
Vanessa also interweaves into her own narrative of this time a fascinating exploration of her patients and the lessons that their stories of resilience and bravery taught her to enable her to process her own personal loss.
This was beautifully written and by the end I felt I was listening to a friend over a cup of tea. There are some inspiring lessons to be learnt about grief, loss and the human resilience to survive mixed in with Vanessa’s heartwarming and very funny observations.
One of the most poignant sections for me personally was Vanessa’s reflection of her childhood and relationship with family and the impact which this had on her ability to cope with grief. This section was incredibly thought provoking and insightful. It made me appraise my own experiences providing clarity to my own process of abandonment and grief.
This is a warm, honest and frank memoir in which Vanessa takes us on a journey of recovery. We are invited in as she seeks to find the right therapy to help her heal and understand the trauma that has derailed her life whilst reflecting upon her life thus far. This was both eye opening and empowering to witness.
We walk alongside her during often amusing attempts to start dating again and she begins to move forward with her life.
Vanessa also interweaves into her own narrative of this time a fascinating exploration of her patients and the lessons that their stories of resilience and bravery taught her to enable her to process her own personal loss.
This was beautifully written and by the end I felt I was listening to a friend over a cup of tea. There are some inspiring lessons to be learnt about grief, loss and the human resilience to survive mixed in with Vanessa’s heartwarming and very funny observations.
One of the most poignant sections for me personally was Vanessa’s reflection of her childhood and relationship with family and the impact which this had on her ability to cope with grief. This section was incredibly thought provoking and insightful. It made me appraise my own experiences providing clarity to my own process of abandonment and grief.
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews