Moving Foreword: Real Introductions to Totally Made-Up Books

by Jon Chattman

A great foreword is more than just a few pages of self-indulgent frippery that comes before a book. A great foreword adds zest. It sets the stage for the page turner you’re about to open, and perhaps even puts you in the locked room where a mystery happens or in the high-button shoes of a year gone by.

A great foreword—sometimes—is even better than the book it precedes.

So why not skip the boring actual-book part?

Moving Foreword is a collection of introductions to imaginary books, written by real celebrities, comedians, musicians, and other writers with something to say. With a real foreword by Rainn Wilson, this book offers a no-holds-barred cacophony of laugh-out-loud funny, poignant, and thought-provoking writing that tackles everything from politics to pop culture, true crime to trout fishing, and Star Wars to skin flicks.

Highlights include:

Bustin' Through: Confessions of the Kool-Aid Man
Foreword by “Pop Candy” columnist Whitney Matheson

Sock Puppet Mozart: The Life and Gruesome Death of Randy Masterson
Foreword by actor Thomas Lennon

Stephen Hawking's Why We Keep Making the Same Mistakes
Foreword by recording artist Moby

The Lure of the Flies: On the Art of Fly Fishing
Foreword by Adam West, the late, the great, the Batman

Keep Your Gaze on Me: The Murder of Persia Sadsashay
Foreword by Shirley Manson, lead vocalist of Garbage

I'll Be There for You: The True Story of the Central Perk Murders
Foreword by Simeon Goodson, Brooklyn-bred stand-up comedian

Pizzaz: The Life and Death of Darrell Hammond
Foreword by Saturday Night Live alumnus Darrell Hammond

Blank Pages
Foreword by rock and roll hall of famer John Oates

Nip-Slips: An Illustrated History
Fore(skin)word by Mr. Skin

Everything You Need to Know About Massachusetts Fish and Wildlife Regulations
Foreword by New Kids on the Block member Jonathan Knight

Fly Ball: How the New York Yankees Have Changed Lives
Foreword by talk show host Jerry Springer

Terrible Band Names: A Chronology
Foreword by John Ondrasik, also known as Five for Fighting

. . . any many more!

Genres: Humor, Books About Books, Fiction, Short Stories

1 pages, Audio CD

First published April 23, 2019

Reviews

[Jim]

Fake forewords for fake books is on my 'sort of nonfiction' shelf because it leverages real people for some short pieces full of humor. It really helps if you know the people involved & there I was at a distinct disadvantage. I'm not familiar with J. Aaron Sanders, but his piece, "Foreword to Newt Gingrich’s Poststructuralism for Republicans: Truth in the Trump Era by “US secretary of education Betsy deVos” does require knowing those two. I got that one.

In some cases, it's best not to know as I found out when I searched for "Samwell’s What What (In the Butt)". I somehow managed to escape knowing anything about this until now. Damn. Ignorance was bliss. Be careful what you search for.

As the foreword says, this can be read straight through, but I had to try it in short doses. I need to let my sense of humor reset after a few. Well narrated, but I just didn't know enough about most of the people, so I wound up abandoning it. I'm not going to give it a star rating because I think that's on me & the rock I live under. I'll provide the ToC & recommend it to anyone who knows enough of the folks named in it. It might be better in print where it's easy to pick & choose, not possible in the audio edition.

Foreword by Rainn Wilson
Introduction
Chapter 1: Biography, Autobiography, and Memoir: Writing with the Stars
Foreword to Kool-Aid Man’s Bustin’ Through: Confessions of a Kool-Aid Man by
Whitney Matheson
Foreword to Samwell’s What What (In the Butt): The Man Behind the Booty by “Testas
Sterone” (Kersi Asare)
Foreword to Bill Pullman’s I Wasn’t in Twister: A Memoir by Dante Mercadante
Foreword to Walter Isaacson’s Pizzazz: The Life and Genius of Darrell Hammond by the
Essence of Darrell Hammond
Foreword to Earl Pittman, Jr.’s Vance DeGeneris: An Unauthorized Biography by Vance
DeGeneres
Foreword to Chewbacca’s I, Wookiee: A Memoir by “Joe Weaver” (Jon Chattman)
Chapter 2: Politics, Religion, and Social Commentary: In God, We Trust
Foreword to Newt Gingrich’s Poststructuralism for Republicans: Truth in the Trump Era
by “US secretary of education Betsy deVos” (J. Aaron Sanders)
Foreword to It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time: A Tedious Brief History of
Compassion in the GOP from Unnamed Sources within the White House, by Michael
Cerveris
Foreword to Vicki Mulholland’s Is Big Pharma “Big Brother”? by Gregory Jbara
Foreword to Blank Pages by John Oates
Foreword to Stephen Hawking’s Why We Keep Making the Same Mistakes by Moby
Foreword to Camila Camarena’s A Land without Mirrors by Ann Mahoney
Foreword to Christopher Hitchens’s Champagne, Lobster, Anal Sex, and Picnics: An
Unabridged Anthology of Essays Lost and Found by “Lady Ann Somnia” (Mary
Birdsong)
Foreword to God’s Wow, You’re All Fucking This Up Big Time by Mary Lambert
Foreword to the Straight Edge E-kewl-menical Council’s New Bible for Teenz – Bible is
Goalz! edition by Etan Cohen
Chapter 3: Music: Opening Acts to Performances You’ll Never Hear
Foreword to Phil Rosenthal’s Who’s the Boss?: My Unlikely Rise to Rock Stardom by
“Bruce Springsteen” (Phil Rosenthal)
Foreword to Terry Liscomb’s Bitter Emotion: My Years with Aerosmith by “Steven Tyler
and Joe Perry” (Keith Murray and Chris Cain)
Foreword to Lionel Richie’s 1-28-85 by Claude Kelly
Foreword to Garth Brooks’s Chris Gaines at Paisley Park: The Secret Diaries by Alan
Light
Foreword to Carly Rae Jepsen’s On Call Waiting by Carly Jibson
Foreword to Ken Casey’s The Lucky Lefty: My Dropkick Journey by Joe Gittleman
Foreword to Hoobastank’s Terrible Band Names: A Rock Chronology by John
Ondrasik, AKA Five for Fighting
Chapter 4: True Crime: Take a Bite Out of It
Foreword to Eric Schlosser’s I’ll Be There for You: The True Story of the Central Perk
Murders by Simeon Goodson
Foreword to Vincent Bugliosi’s Sock Puppet Mozart: The Life and Gruesome Death of
Randy Masterson by Thomas Lennon
Foreword to Bart Haskins’s The Troubador Murders: Homicide, Justice, and One
Family’s Fight to Pick up the Pieces by Stephen Kellogg
Foreword to A Tramp’s Tales from Lucky Tam, by Matthew P. Mayo
Foreword to Barbara Lewis Beauregard’s The Killens by John Paul White
Foreword to Alanna Trask’s Keep Your Gaze on Me: A True Story of Social Media,
Obsession, and Murder by Shirley Manson
Chapter 5: Pop Culture and Fandom: Come Out and CosPlay
Foreword to Bethany Snow’s Remembering Comic Books: The Neverending Story
Concludes by George Gene Gustines
Foreword to Clark Kent’s Behind the Iron Curtain: The True Story of Tony Stark by
Jayson Stark
Foreword to How the New York Yankees Have Changed Lives: A Compilation by Jerry
Springer
Foreword to Tom Smith’s Walkers, Survivors, and Aiming for the Head in Our Modern-
Day Zombie Apocalypse by Kerry Cahill
Foreword to Wink Martindale’s High Rollers: In the Spotlight and Behind the Scenes
during the Golden Age of Game Shows by Dan Epstein
Foreword to Sheila Ruminard’s I Did Not Realize That Constituted Stalking: Fandom for
a New Millennium by Billy Yost
Foreword to Sir Anthony Hopkins’s The Real Housewives: A Definitive History by “Sir
Ian McKellen” (Jordan Fazio)
Foreword to Simon Phillips’s The Wind Beneath My Wings by Al Snow
Chapter 6: Love and Sex: Yes, Please
Foreword to Richard Hurt’s The Old High Hard One by Bronson Arroyo
Foreword to Aurora Charming’s The Birds and the Bees: When Prince Charming
Discovered Cinderella’s Clitoris, Not Her Slipper by Inara George
Foreword to Loosen Mirespect’s Final Penetration by Jeffrey Reddick
Foreword to Professor Boobsen Plainview’s Nip-Slips: An Illustrated History by Jim
McBride, AKA Mr. Skin
Foreword to Sarah Linanman’s Where In the World Do I Find Love? by James Adam
Shelley
Chapter 7: Science and Nature: Enjoy Them Before They’re Gone
Foreword to The Lure of the Flies by Adam West
Foreword to Will D. Beest’s Everything You Need to Know about Massachusetts Fish
and Wildlife Regulations by Jonathan Knight
Foreword to the Daughters of the American Chicken Revolution’s Psychology of
Chickens by Laurie Berkner
Foreword to P. Forsythe Wellington’s A Brief History of the Chewing Patterns of the
Reticulated Giraffe by Steve Hofstetter
Foreword to Dr. Robert Mochahu’s Boogers That Taste Like Cheese by Jeff Pearlman
Foreword to Adelicia Wolfe’s The Life and Love of Doctor Viktor Wolfe: Innovator,
Activist, Husband, Father, Mother by Lera Lynn
Foreword to Sheila Van Hooven’s Driven: One Man’s Quest to Perfect the Flying Car by
by Jeremy Kaplan
Foreword to Vida Blue Azul’s Losing Paluto by Bill Lee
Chapter 8: Self Help and Good Advice: Because You Need Somebody
Foreword to Grandma’s I’m Dying over Here & It’s Hilarious: How to Put the FUN in
Funerals by Regina DeCicco
Foreword to Brittany Brave’s Too Fake to Fail—The Brave Method: How to Use Improv
to Win at Life, Love, and Work by “Jane Smith” (Brittany Brave)
Foreword to Daffy Duck’s How to Win Influence and Friend People by Ali Spagnola
Foreword to Henry Eisenstein’s Obvious Investing by Kay Hanley
Foreword to Ronald Bartel’s The Bachelor’s DIY Guide to Lightning Rod Assembly by
“Ronald Bartel” (David Bason)
Foreword to Jadree Ivancovich’s Digging Mommyhood by “Sarah Schist, PhD” (Hannah
Lindoff)
Foreword to Edward Schwartz’s Find Your True Voice: Lessons Learned in the Life of a
Working Microphone by Cat Zambito
Foreword to Yaswei Kahn’s Con Yourself into Confidence by Samantha Ruddy
Afterword by Chazz and Gianna Palminteri
Foreword to Jon Chattman’s Acknowledgements by Denis Hurley
Acknowledgements, Thank Yous, and the Like

[Linda · Rating 4 out of 5]

I had a lot of fun reading it (other than the booger one--ew), and I wish some of these books were real.

[Nathan · Rating 3 out of 5]

A fantastic premise—a collection of fake forewords for fake books. Simple, yet unique and fertile ground for creativity.

The topics range across a great amount of popular genres (true crime, science, biographies, sports) and the contributors writing in as either themselves or in character. It’s not a long read, and none of the foreheads really drift into long-winded territory, checking that box in terms of keeping attention. Introductory pieces by the arranger/author help things to spark and do a neat job of ushering in sections, truthfully being funnier than a great number of the forewords meant to have a comedic tone.

Speaking of tone, take care to notice that, while this book features a boatload of comedians and approaches meant to take the air out of some of the more heady and self-important titles/subjects out there, that there are some entries that don’t fall within that category. You’ll be mightily confused if you scroll across some of these thinking you’re in for a laugh. The book titles and author bios assist greatly in calibrating you.

Chattman amassed one incredible group of writers across a wide spectrum of celebrity and craft. The cover naturally needs to divulge a few to get you on board, but discovering them as I come upon their submissions was a treat unto itself.

As a side note, the foreward by James Adam Shelley could be a super-duper indie dramedy.

It’s a 3.5 star recommendation, really, because, while I’d be impressed at who was writing, a lot of these were admittedly kind of “meh”. Didn’t hurt to read them, but weren’t a shot in the arm or sensational, either.

If you are enticed, give it a read.

Many thanks to NetGalley and BenBella Books for the advance read.

[BookTrib.com]

A great foreword adds zest. It sets the stage for the page-turner that’s almost sure to follow.

A great foreword – sometimes – is even better than the book it precedes. So why not skip the actual book altogether?

That’s the premise behind the incredibly innovative Moving Foreword: Real Introductions to Totally Made-Up Books (BenBella Books), a collection of introductions to imaginary books written by real celebrities, comedians, musicians and other writers with something to say. This book, compiled and edited by Jon Chattman, offers a no-holds-barred cacophony of funny, poignant and even thought-provoking writing that tackles everything from politics to pop culture, true crime to trout fishing, and Star Wars to skin flicks.

“The best parts of books are often the parts before the books themselves,” says Chattman. “Think of this as licking the icing of a whole pack of Oreos without having to bother about the soggy cookie part.”

The book includes more than 60 forewords, from pop celebrities to TV and film stars, to singer-songwriters to journalists and more. “Their entries are surprising, funny, spine-tingling and intentionally confusing,” says Chattman.

The rest of the review: https://booktrib.com/2019/08/jon-chat...

[Kris · Rating 4 out of 5]

The main reason I picked up this book is because Chris Cain and Keith Murray (from one of my favourite bands, We Are Scientists, and coincidentally some of my favourite people in the world) wrote one of the forewords in this book.

This book was definitely a particular sort of satire, which I appreciate. It is highly sarcastic, but in an American way rather than a British way. There is a distinct difference, even if by the life of me I cannot explain what it is!

Instead of these fictitious forewords actually reading like actual forewords, they are either a caricature of a foreword or they mock the idea of a foreword. Either is fine with me. It is an interesting concept and there were quite a few that worked really well.

I am pretty on the fence mentally on this anthology overall. It is not quite as funny as I wanted it to be, but it was fun, if that makes sense. There were a few scribbles I really hated, but overall, most of them caused a bit of a lipcurl of amusement, which is all I ask for.

I reckon this anthology would be a great toilet book, a foreword at the time, if you are so inclined. I am not.

[Baroness Ekat · Rating 4 out of 5]

More of 3.5 but good enough to round up.

This book was downright hysterical. It takes a look at a part of books that is oft-times overlooked, skipped and otherwise ignored... the Foreword. So rather than to continue to let this bit of literary monotony linger in obscurity, the editor Jon Chattman has chosen to elevate it and make it the star is should have been all along.

This book is exactly what the title says... Real Introductions to Totally Made-Up Books. Chattman recruited famous and not so famous people to write forewords to imaginary books and have them be either from themselves or a fictitious person. I was howling with laughter in the first chapter to the Foreward to the Autobiography of the Kool-Aid Man. There's the book by Newt Gingrich written on behalf of Besty DeVos. The secret gay lover writes opens the Memoirs of Chewbacca.

There are some that did not hold my attention, but in general I would totally recommend this collection for anyone who loves a good laugh and books.

[Marvin Fender · Rating 1 out of 5]

I received this book from the Goodreads Giveaway program. My normal treatment of "Forewords" and "Introductions" is to ignore them and move on to the story. Why I bid on this book to review I'll never understand. My experience with these elements of books is generally disappointing many times pointless and often reveal key parts of the story spoiling the narrative. Well, this book did not fail to disappoint. Even though the books were fictional and some of these forewords were clever and well written, I still felt a waste of time and pointlessness. I would not and in good conscience could not recommend this book.

[Sydney S · Rating 2 out of 5]

Interesting concept, but I just couldn't stay interested to save my life. There were some really good shorts here, I just couldn't help feeling like I was reading something I should skip to get to the actual book (which might be the point?). There were also some not so good ones, but that's to be expected with any collection. My attention span is just way too short for books like this. I bet there are a lot of people who would really enjoy it, so if it sounds like your thing, go for it.

[Erin · Rating 3 out of 5]

First, I want to start by saying this was a unique idea and takes real talent to write a fake foreward to a book that you also had to make up (I'm ready with my 90 Day Fiancee Travel Guide Foreward if needed).
There were a couple great forewards in this book, some sad, some gross... but unfortunately most of them just came across as boring.

Also, I graciously received a free copy through first reads.

[RebeccaReviewedIt · Rating 3 out of 5]

Are you wanting a book about nonsense? Need a book that you can pick up when you only have a few minutes and still feel like you finished a whole story? Then this is the book for you. Moving Foreward is a book of forewards. Yes, you read that correctly. The whole book is just forewards to totally made up books. What I really enjoyed about the book was that I felt completely guilt-free about skipping the forewards I wasn’t super into. I just kept #movingforeward! #RebeccaReviewedIt

[Kathleen · Rating 3 out of 5]

I received a free review copy of this book.
Very inventive, and generally both amusing and engaging! A worthy entertainment while travelling. It didn't hold my attention as well as I wanted it to, unfortunately, possibly due to the wide variety of authors and topics included: a piece I loved was sure to be followed by one not quite as appealing to me.

[Sydni Clendenin · Rating 4 out of 5]

*Goodreads Giveaways Win*

This was such a fun read! I would definitely read some of the fake books. I’m hoping for a second book!

[M. · Rating 5 out of 5]

It was a good read.

[Olivia Ambrose · Rating 2 out of 5]

There were a few that were interesting (my favorite was the Friends one), but I was very much skimming about halfway through. Interesting idea, but I'm not sure it panned out how they wanted it to.

[Allison · Rating 2 out of 5]

Cute idea, some fun but mostly boring executions. DNF

[Annarella · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was an engaging and entertaining book, I loved the humour and the style of writing.
Recommend!
Many thanks to the publisher and Netgalley for this ARC, all opinions are mine

[Alex Sarll · Rating 2 out of 5]

The notion of forewords to books which don't exist is an appealing one – equal parts Borges and Nate Crowley. But this is the second time I've been massively underwhelmed by a collection of them. Stanislaw Lem's attempt was too dry and abstruse even for my tastes, while this one is just painfully unfunny. Time after time, ideas are mooted which you can see might work as a sketch, but which fall leaden to the page; as a leaf's skeletal imprint to a leaf, so these to jokes, the structure without the life. Some of them aren't even that, coming across more like ribbing of a mate of the author than anything the rest of us need to read. A few even try to be serious, and those are possibly the most pointless of the lot (barring one gently eerie attempt by, of all people, one of Hall & Oates, which is by some measure the best thing here). Possibly I should have paid more attention to the list of contributors, which mixes comedians, writers and musicians, but on reflection doesn't feature that many acts I particularly like. And of those it does, I've already forgotten We Are Scientists' contribution, although Shirley Manson's is by far the highlight of a crime section which otherwise largely proposes books functionally indistinguishable from dozens which already exist, when surely the point of a project like this is to hint at those which could not. Elsewhere, a history of the end of comics squanders a strong notion by a complete failure to note that the major superhero companies already do belong to enormous multimedia empires, and more than one contributor thinks 'writer of foreword admits not having read the book' is sufficient. Very poor.

(Netgalley ARC)