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The Betrayal Bind: How to Heal When the Person You Love the Most Hurts You the Worst
What happens when your partner, your primary person, in an instant, becomes a source of danger and pain?The Betrayal Bind introduces new language, concepts, and imagery to explore the crucial relational dilemma that betrayed partners face when their significant other is unsafe to connect to, yet connection is the key to healing. Discovering a partner's sexual betrayal spins your world out of control. In a split second, your sense of safety is shattered, your trust is gone, and everything you thought you could count on is in question. Betrayed partners, whether dealing with typical infidelity or sexual addiction, need immediate support to navigate the new terrain of their relationship. They need a clear articulation of betrayal trauma, a thorough education about their normal attachment-based reactions, and a proven path to healing. The Betrayal Bind offers a new, game-changing exploration into an age-old problem and connects the dots from research to the lived experience of betrayed partners.
356 pages, Paperback
Published March 7, 2023
245 people are currently reading
558 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 72 reviews
March 2, 2023
This book is for guys, too.
Most men I know of who have discovered their partner cheating on them have simply kicked her to the curb and moved on. What you don’t hear about so much are the guys who have tried to stay and make things work. This book is a survival guide for working through betrayal, whether you decide to remain in the relationship or not. In either case, healing yourself enough to become a whole man again will benefit you and any future relationships.
My review is based upon my familiarity with Michelle’s program, and from reading a 37 page book summary I received from Michelle prior to the book’s release..
The Betrayal Bind offers a compassionate nuts-and-bolts analysis of the tsunami of emotions encountered when you discover that your wife or partner has betrayed you. It offers an explanation of the evolutionary reasons driving these feelings, and advice on both constructive and destructive ways of dealing with them. There is advice on empowerment, on recognizing your partner’s lies (spoiler alert-they always lie). The book is a roadmap for healing your shattered self and moving yourself in a better place. I’ve found that intellectualizing issues has generally allowed me to step in off the window ledge, keep breathing, and try to figure things out before doing something I regretted. Michelle points out that it’s important to realize is that you have choices, you have power, this isn’t your fault, and you will not be defined by this betrayal, whichever course you take afterward. Personally, I’d rather make big emotional and financial decisions while somewhat rational and after having all the facts. This book will help.
Most men I know of who have discovered their partner cheating on them have simply kicked her to the curb and moved on. What you don’t hear about so much are the guys who have tried to stay and make things work. This book is a survival guide for working through betrayal, whether you decide to remain in the relationship or not. In either case, healing yourself enough to become a whole man again will benefit you and any future relationships.
My review is based upon my familiarity with Michelle’s program, and from reading a 37 page book summary I received from Michelle prior to the book’s release..
The Betrayal Bind offers a compassionate nuts-and-bolts analysis of the tsunami of emotions encountered when you discover that your wife or partner has betrayed you. It offers an explanation of the evolutionary reasons driving these feelings, and advice on both constructive and destructive ways of dealing with them. There is advice on empowerment, on recognizing your partner’s lies (spoiler alert-they always lie). The book is a roadmap for healing your shattered self and moving yourself in a better place. I’ve found that intellectualizing issues has generally allowed me to step in off the window ledge, keep breathing, and try to figure things out before doing something I regretted. Michelle points out that it’s important to realize is that you have choices, you have power, this isn’t your fault, and you will not be defined by this betrayal, whichever course you take afterward. Personally, I’d rather make big emotional and financial decisions while somewhat rational and after having all the facts. This book will help.
March 9, 2023
Michelle has a way of articulating the experience of a betrayed partner in a way that is so real, validating and supportive it brought me to tears. She is wise, articulate, and compassionate. Her words feel like a warm blanket or a giant hug. Knowing that someone understands the feelings of pain, overwhelm and confusion and has developed a path for moving through it, is the greatest gift a betrayed partner can find at the darkest point in their lives. I am so grateful for every word in this book. Every word validates my experience and gives me hope of surviving this storm and thriving again someday.
March 9, 2023
With wisdom, understanding, and compassion, Michelle Mays has created the book every betrayed partner deserves to understand the impact of betrayal and unravel the complexities toward healing. Michelle’s insightful and revolutionary approach builds off the trauma model to explain, understand, and validate a betrayed partner’s experience through the lens of the attachment injuries caused by the betrayal.
As a betrayed partner, I recognized so much of my experience in this book. "The Betrayal Bind" creates the vocabulary to understand and describe the overwhelming trauma symptoms and dysregulating reactions that had left me isolated and a shell of my former self. Betrayal blindness - yep, attached shame - yep, battling for empathy – yep, and more – yep, yep, and yep.
By weaving in her own story, Michelle beautifully articulates the intense pain, anger, confusion, and longing caused by the betrayal, as well as the vulnerability, risk, and courage it takes to heal. Michelle’s attachment informed approach to healing outlines the six phases that move betrayed partners from despair and devastation to hope and flourishing.
I am incredibly grateful for Michelle’s work which has transformed my own healing journey. I’m finally finding myself again - the bubbly, passionate, adventurous and happy woman who had faded so gradually over the last 8 years. I still have work to do to let that woman truly shine through again – but for the first time in a long time, I believe she’ll be making a full comeback, stronger and more vibrant than ever.
As a betrayed partner, I recognized so much of my experience in this book. "The Betrayal Bind" creates the vocabulary to understand and describe the overwhelming trauma symptoms and dysregulating reactions that had left me isolated and a shell of my former self. Betrayal blindness - yep, attached shame - yep, battling for empathy – yep, and more – yep, yep, and yep.
By weaving in her own story, Michelle beautifully articulates the intense pain, anger, confusion, and longing caused by the betrayal, as well as the vulnerability, risk, and courage it takes to heal. Michelle’s attachment informed approach to healing outlines the six phases that move betrayed partners from despair and devastation to hope and flourishing.
I am incredibly grateful for Michelle’s work which has transformed my own healing journey. I’m finally finding myself again - the bubbly, passionate, adventurous and happy woman who had faded so gradually over the last 8 years. I still have work to do to let that woman truly shine through again – but for the first time in a long time, I believe she’ll be making a full comeback, stronger and more vibrant than ever.
March 8, 2023
If you could only choose one book to help you heal from betrayal look no further - The Betrayal Bind is a must-read. Michelle Mays meets betrayed partners where they are at - in the wreckage and pain of ground zero then guides them up and out along a healing path to becoming the hero in their own stories. Like all great sherpas, Michelle Mays walks beside the reader on the climb - one patient and compassionate step at a time. The Betrayal Bind validates and normalizes every betrayed partner's traumatic symptoms, empathetically providing the proper kind of support and care they need to heal.
Of all the resources on the market, The Betrayal Bind shines brightest. Michelle Mays' groundbreaking work on attachment theory and relational recovery helps individuals understand how fear, shame, and powerlessness drive attachment ambivalence, and then reveals how to make the shift to connection instead. For every person who has wondered how to navigate the treacherous road of betrayal, The Betrayal Bind gently guides each individual on a path of self-discovery - helping them brave hope, create safety, and recover a sense of connection with self, others, and God. Michelle Mays is a wise guru helping partners reclaim lives in the aftermath of betrayal.
Covering topics like how to heal from trauma, how to develop healthy coping strategies, how to implement tools that fortify the healing process, and how to step out of fear and shame - The Betrayal Bind helps provides practical help and guides individuals in reconnecting with their true authentic selves - setting the stage for post-traumatic growth. The best coaches help people reach their highest potential. Michelle Mays is that wise coach who helps partners reclaim their lives after betrayal, teaching them how to brave their stories well through living transformed lives.
Of all the resources on the market, The Betrayal Bind shines brightest. Michelle Mays' groundbreaking work on attachment theory and relational recovery helps individuals understand how fear, shame, and powerlessness drive attachment ambivalence, and then reveals how to make the shift to connection instead. For every person who has wondered how to navigate the treacherous road of betrayal, The Betrayal Bind gently guides each individual on a path of self-discovery - helping them brave hope, create safety, and recover a sense of connection with self, others, and God. Michelle Mays is a wise guru helping partners reclaim lives in the aftermath of betrayal.
Covering topics like how to heal from trauma, how to develop healthy coping strategies, how to implement tools that fortify the healing process, and how to step out of fear and shame - The Betrayal Bind helps provides practical help and guides individuals in reconnecting with their true authentic selves - setting the stage for post-traumatic growth. The best coaches help people reach their highest potential. Michelle Mays is that wise coach who helps partners reclaim their lives after betrayal, teaching them how to brave their stories well through living transformed lives.
August 20, 2024
The author has a very clear way of explaining a very murky subject. Well done.
December 26, 2025
found myself in the very unfortunate position where I even needed to read this book - it’s incredible and made me feel less insane. I hope I never have to recommend it to anyone but if I do, this will certainly help.
March 9, 2023
The quality and method in which Michelle May's has captured the message allows for the reader to easily follow. Regardless of whether betrayal truma is new, or an old hat, one will be able to find this relatable and beneficial.
March 9, 2023
This book does an amazing job at helping a betrayed spouse understand the chaotic and conflicting emotions swirling around them after the discovery of their spouse's betrayal, providing validation and comfort, and explaining why all of these feelings are absolutely normal and can be expected.
Michelle Mays looks at betrayal through the lens of attachment, as our attachment system is the very thing that connects us with anyone in our lives, and how betrayal causes a break in the attachment bond to the person we're closest with, shattering trust, and leaving a betrayed partner feeling unsafe and violated. It's that break in the relational bond that leads to those emotions that can make a betrayed partner feel crazy: "I want to be comforted by the person I'm closest to. But the person I'm closest to is unsafe and I need to get away from them!" This is what Mays calls attachment ambivalence, and her explanation and normalization of this part of healing from betrayal is so thoughtfully explained and helps comfort the reader. Reading about the entire attachment process in our lives, and how our attachments can be disrupted with betrayal, throwing us into the cycle of ambivalence, made so much sense to me, and helped me feel like I wasn't crazy.
The other part I found the most profound and helpful was her six phases of the Braving Hope process. Here she describes the six phases betrayed partners go through on the path to healing. Like anything else, it's not always linear for each person, but the descriptions and stated goals of each phase were distinct and I could identify my own timeline within many of those phases. (I'm definitely not at the last two phases yet myself.)
I also appreciated that this book is written for both those who choose to stay and rebuild their relationship, as well as those who choose to leave and heal on their own. There's no pressure in the book to choose one way or the other, and support is provided for either path, as well as for those who are just choosing to not make a choice for now. Too often books on betrayal tend to focus on just rebuilding the relationship or starting over. Both are acceptable choices here, and the focus of this book is primarily focused on healing yourself, regardless of which choice you make, because whether you stay or go, you will still have to go through the grief and healing regardless.
The Betrayal Bind provides a thoughtful analysis of the human attachment system and why betrayal hurts so much because of that system, and ends with a clear, detailed roadmap on the steps to move through the pain and trauma and find healing for yourself.
Michelle Mays looks at betrayal through the lens of attachment, as our attachment system is the very thing that connects us with anyone in our lives, and how betrayal causes a break in the attachment bond to the person we're closest with, shattering trust, and leaving a betrayed partner feeling unsafe and violated. It's that break in the relational bond that leads to those emotions that can make a betrayed partner feel crazy: "I want to be comforted by the person I'm closest to. But the person I'm closest to is unsafe and I need to get away from them!" This is what Mays calls attachment ambivalence, and her explanation and normalization of this part of healing from betrayal is so thoughtfully explained and helps comfort the reader. Reading about the entire attachment process in our lives, and how our attachments can be disrupted with betrayal, throwing us into the cycle of ambivalence, made so much sense to me, and helped me feel like I wasn't crazy.
The other part I found the most profound and helpful was her six phases of the Braving Hope process. Here she describes the six phases betrayed partners go through on the path to healing. Like anything else, it's not always linear for each person, but the descriptions and stated goals of each phase were distinct and I could identify my own timeline within many of those phases. (I'm definitely not at the last two phases yet myself.)
I also appreciated that this book is written for both those who choose to stay and rebuild their relationship, as well as those who choose to leave and heal on their own. There's no pressure in the book to choose one way or the other, and support is provided for either path, as well as for those who are just choosing to not make a choice for now. Too often books on betrayal tend to focus on just rebuilding the relationship or starting over. Both are acceptable choices here, and the focus of this book is primarily focused on healing yourself, regardless of which choice you make, because whether you stay or go, you will still have to go through the grief and healing regardless.
The Betrayal Bind provides a thoughtful analysis of the human attachment system and why betrayal hurts so much because of that system, and ends with a clear, detailed roadmap on the steps to move through the pain and trauma and find healing for yourself.
September 7, 2025
Can I throw it now?
I just didn't get that much out of it. It felt surface-level. I kept getting bored and annoyed. There was a lot on naming emotions, but not a lot on working through them, not a lot on how to actually heal. I don't remember there being a single practical exercise - and I JUST put the book down. I found myself rolling my eyes every time I came across a condescending "Are you still with me?". I did find the four pages on attachment styles interesting, but there needed to be more "meat" in the book. I would've preferred a shortened, more textbook-like version.
I was expecting deeper insights backed by statistics and resources. I got more out of Dr. Minwalla's (free) 33-page paper titled "The Secret Sexual Basement." I got much, much more from doing my own research and joining an online support group.
Before reading "The Betrayal Bind," I read "The Body Keeps the Score" and "Why Does He Do That?", which were both very informative and helpful and touched on some of the same topics. I have issues with how Michelle addressed some of the shared topics.
She disclosed that "one of the most common dynamics" she comes across is that of an abusive partner who uses manipulation tactics to coerce their partner into having sex with them. She doesn't call the partner a victim or suggest the abuse needs to be addressed by someone who specializes in abuse. She also writes the entire book mostly from the perspective of a partner who is staying in the relationship. While I understand some people choose to try and work through these issues (like she did), it really needs to be pointed out that most of these relationships are abusive and the partners are victims of an abusive relationship, which likely includes trauma bonding (which is not mentioned). The abuse is largely glossed over. She actually encourages having sex with the cheating partner to establish an emotional connection and "create sexual safety." This could encourage people to stay in relationships that are abusive by reinforcing trauma bonding.
Also, as someone who is dealing with a betrayal that included a hidden porn addiction, I did not find it appropriate or necessary for her to mention that some individuals may not consider porn cheating, which minimizes its damage.
I just didn't get that much out of it. It felt surface-level. I kept getting bored and annoyed. There was a lot on naming emotions, but not a lot on working through them, not a lot on how to actually heal. I don't remember there being a single practical exercise - and I JUST put the book down. I found myself rolling my eyes every time I came across a condescending "Are you still with me?". I did find the four pages on attachment styles interesting, but there needed to be more "meat" in the book. I would've preferred a shortened, more textbook-like version.
I was expecting deeper insights backed by statistics and resources. I got more out of Dr. Minwalla's (free) 33-page paper titled "The Secret Sexual Basement." I got much, much more from doing my own research and joining an online support group.
Before reading "The Betrayal Bind," I read "The Body Keeps the Score" and "Why Does He Do That?", which were both very informative and helpful and touched on some of the same topics. I have issues with how Michelle addressed some of the shared topics.
She disclosed that "one of the most common dynamics" she comes across is that of an abusive partner who uses manipulation tactics to coerce their partner into having sex with them. She doesn't call the partner a victim or suggest the abuse needs to be addressed by someone who specializes in abuse. She also writes the entire book mostly from the perspective of a partner who is staying in the relationship. While I understand some people choose to try and work through these issues (like she did), it really needs to be pointed out that most of these relationships are abusive and the partners are victims of an abusive relationship, which likely includes trauma bonding (which is not mentioned). The abuse is largely glossed over. She actually encourages having sex with the cheating partner to establish an emotional connection and "create sexual safety." This could encourage people to stay in relationships that are abusive by reinforcing trauma bonding.
Also, as someone who is dealing with a betrayal that included a hidden porn addiction, I did not find it appropriate or necessary for her to mention that some individuals may not consider porn cheating, which minimizes its damage.
March 13, 2023
Omg, where to even start??!! I don't care who you are, how old you are, what your gender or ethnicity is....
If you have ever been cheated on in any way... this book is a MUST have, period!!!! If you haven't been cheated on or don't think you have been cheated on...read it anyways. Even if your not dating or in a relationship, I promise you will learn a thing or 2 about yourself. Maybe even have an "ah ha" moment or 2.
My life was turned upside down and sideways. Completely blindsided by my husband's life long sex addiction...BUT, I luckily had Michelle Mays to help me work through this mess. Her incredible vast knowledge and many years of experience both personal and professional has created an invaluable resource for myself and for anyone who has experienced Betrayal Trauma. Her communication style is so very personalable, kind, caring, and honest. Its easy to understand the terms and definitions applied to what we are experiencing as the betrayed and the betrayer.
The most eye opening bit of information that I got was about my anxious attachment style and how my husband's avoidant attachment style effected our overall relationship and how his addiction came about from childhood trauma. Knowing that alone has changed my perspective on so many aspects of my life and my husbands. Incredible. Wish I knew this ages ago.
She has also shown me how to put me first and take care of myself while healing and moving forward in repairing my marriage in a mature, respectful, loving way.
Whether you decide to stay or go, Michelle is there to guide you. Absolutely love her! ❤️
*Michelle has youtube videos that go along with topics in her book and coaching programs...check um out!
*Great gift- Share with family, friends, and counselors!
If you have ever been cheated on in any way... this book is a MUST have, period!!!! If you haven't been cheated on or don't think you have been cheated on...read it anyways. Even if your not dating or in a relationship, I promise you will learn a thing or 2 about yourself. Maybe even have an "ah ha" moment or 2.
My life was turned upside down and sideways. Completely blindsided by my husband's life long sex addiction...BUT, I luckily had Michelle Mays to help me work through this mess. Her incredible vast knowledge and many years of experience both personal and professional has created an invaluable resource for myself and for anyone who has experienced Betrayal Trauma. Her communication style is so very personalable, kind, caring, and honest. Its easy to understand the terms and definitions applied to what we are experiencing as the betrayed and the betrayer.
The most eye opening bit of information that I got was about my anxious attachment style and how my husband's avoidant attachment style effected our overall relationship and how his addiction came about from childhood trauma. Knowing that alone has changed my perspective on so many aspects of my life and my husbands. Incredible. Wish I knew this ages ago.
She has also shown me how to put me first and take care of myself while healing and moving forward in repairing my marriage in a mature, respectful, loving way.
Whether you decide to stay or go, Michelle is there to guide you. Absolutely love her! ❤️
*Michelle has youtube videos that go along with topics in her book and coaching programs...check um out!
*Great gift- Share with family, friends, and counselors!
Currently reading
March 10, 2023The Betrayal Bind is the single most impactful book I've read on betrayal.
The information in The Betrayal Bind changed my life. Michelle's work on partner betrayal opened my eyes to a completely new dynamic of healing and recovery. Despite doing a good bit of therapy and reading countless books on betrayal, I was struggling to move forward and make sense of my story. When I started learning about Michelle's model, I saw the missing pieces that were essential to my healing journey finally being named and explained. It put words to my experience. It showed me what was beneath the behaviors and patterns I was trying so hard to change. Best of all, it gave me a way through them.
Michelle has taken the best of the research done in various fields (trauma, betrayal, attachment) and integrated them to help provide a more comprehensive, more cohesive approach to identifying and healing the injuries that take place in a betrayed partner.
This book is a must-read for anyone who has experienced betrayal. There's nothing out there like it. No one can do the hard work of healing for us, but Michelle has done the hard work to give her readers the tools to heal—to not only survive betrayal, but go on to build a life where you can flourish.
I so appreciate the fact that Michelle has walked through her own betrayal experience. The compassion and validation that she brings to the healing process is healing and hopeful for readers. I’m thankful for her extensive knowledge, her experience and her tenacious commitment to bring a new level of care and understanding in the treatment of partner betrayal. I cannot recommend this book highly enough!
The information in The Betrayal Bind changed my life. Michelle's work on partner betrayal opened my eyes to a completely new dynamic of healing and recovery. Despite doing a good bit of therapy and reading countless books on betrayal, I was struggling to move forward and make sense of my story. When I started learning about Michelle's model, I saw the missing pieces that were essential to my healing journey finally being named and explained. It put words to my experience. It showed me what was beneath the behaviors and patterns I was trying so hard to change. Best of all, it gave me a way through them.
Michelle has taken the best of the research done in various fields (trauma, betrayal, attachment) and integrated them to help provide a more comprehensive, more cohesive approach to identifying and healing the injuries that take place in a betrayed partner.
This book is a must-read for anyone who has experienced betrayal. There's nothing out there like it. No one can do the hard work of healing for us, but Michelle has done the hard work to give her readers the tools to heal—to not only survive betrayal, but go on to build a life where you can flourish.
I so appreciate the fact that Michelle has walked through her own betrayal experience. The compassion and validation that she brings to the healing process is healing and hopeful for readers. I’m thankful for her extensive knowledge, her experience and her tenacious commitment to bring a new level of care and understanding in the treatment of partner betrayal. I cannot recommend this book highly enough!
March 9, 2023
Another great book by Michelle Mays! If you have experienced betrayal and are suffering from those ever-daunting trauma symptoms, then this is a must-read for you. Having experienced betrayal herself, Michelle is a offering up her guidance and wisdom fed from her own personal journey and professional knowledge. When you go through betrayal, all you want to know is what now. This book helps with just that. It provides partners with a path forward. You will learn ways to regain your power and makes the best choices that are best for the most important person - you! You get to choose the best path forward and work toward healing from within.
Michelle goes into important topics that you want to know at this moment such as coping strategies and tools that will help move in a positive direction. She also goes into the topic areas of guilt and shame. All this will help you navigate the path of personal growth and discovery which will guide you on your way of braving hope.
This journey is not the end but the beginning. The beginning of a new, powerful you. Michelle helps teach you that there is hope. That everything you are feeling right in this moment is okay and normal. That there is a light at the end of the tunnel and you can get there.
If you have been through betrayal, this is a must-read for you. I am so grateful that Michelle shared her wisdom and hope in this book. It was exactly want I need to hear at this moment in my life. Knowing that someone has your back, knows how you feel, and shows you the way forward. Truly an astonishing and great resource. A must-have.
Michelle goes into important topics that you want to know at this moment such as coping strategies and tools that will help move in a positive direction. She also goes into the topic areas of guilt and shame. All this will help you navigate the path of personal growth and discovery which will guide you on your way of braving hope.
This journey is not the end but the beginning. The beginning of a new, powerful you. Michelle helps teach you that there is hope. That everything you are feeling right in this moment is okay and normal. That there is a light at the end of the tunnel and you can get there.
If you have been through betrayal, this is a must-read for you. I am so grateful that Michelle shared her wisdom and hope in this book. It was exactly want I need to hear at this moment in my life. Knowing that someone has your back, knows how you feel, and shows you the way forward. Truly an astonishing and great resource. A must-have.
March 10, 2023
It is unfortunate to find ourselves amongst the folks who have been betrayed by their partners, on whatever level. Most of us think we are the lucky ones, the people who have found true love and happiness. Many have been in this relationship long term-sometimes for decades, 42 years for me. Then, it all comes crashing down. There are lies, shocking revelations, and heartbreaking information that we want to know for safety, but dread. These things haunt us, disrupt our lives, affect our health, and often plunge us into PTSD.
There is incredible confusion in betrayal-everything we thought was true feels false. We do not know who our partners are, or who we are anymore. We start drowning in it all, gaslighting,dishonesty, fear, shame, anger, uncertainty, isolation, rock-bottom self esteem.
In the Betrayal Bind, the author throws us rope, helps us onto a raft, and gives us the tools to survive from that moment on.It takes time, but we find our way through by understanding what is happening. how to deal with it, and finding the path to healing. Whether the relationship survives or not, we are stronger in ourselves, we can sail our own course, run our own ship, and weather any storm.
I am grateful to this author, for the life line of this book, and cannot recommend it more highly.
There is incredible confusion in betrayal-everything we thought was true feels false. We do not know who our partners are, or who we are anymore. We start drowning in it all, gaslighting,dishonesty, fear, shame, anger, uncertainty, isolation, rock-bottom self esteem.
In the Betrayal Bind, the author throws us rope, helps us onto a raft, and gives us the tools to survive from that moment on.It takes time, but we find our way through by understanding what is happening. how to deal with it, and finding the path to healing. Whether the relationship survives or not, we are stronger in ourselves, we can sail our own course, run our own ship, and weather any storm.
I am grateful to this author, for the life line of this book, and cannot recommend it more highly.
October 5, 2025
Michelle Mays has written one of the most insightful books on betrayal and emotional trauma I’ve ever read. The Betrayal Bind doesn’t just describe pain — it explains it, with compassion and astonishing clarity.
She reveals how betrayal destroys the attachment bond — the very system that makes us feel safe with those we love. When that bond breaks, we find ourselves caught in a cruel paradox: longing for comfort from the same person who caused the wound. Mays names this impossible tension and gives it structure, helping readers realise they’re not broken or irrational — just human.
Her six-phase model for healing is both psychologically grounded and deeply humane. It’s not a quick fix, but a roadmap for understanding, rebuilding trust, and slowly coming home to oneself.
What stays with the reader is her empathy — the sense that she genuinely understands the loneliness, confusion, and yearning that follow betrayal. If anything, the book deserves a companion workbook, as its insights are rich enough to be lived, not just read.
The Betrayal Bind is a quietly transformative book — wise, tender, and profoundly honest. It restores faith not just in recovery, but in the power of understanding one’s own heart.
March 11, 2023
If your heart has been broken by the one you love the most through betrayal, Michelle May's, The Betrayal Bind, is a must read for you!
I immediately related to, and was drawn into the book as Michelle shared her heart with me like a dear friend over coffee, sharing her experience and pain. She didn't leave me there in the pain, but invited me to join her in her journey of being courageous; to be the hero of my own betrayal story.
As Michelle then described her Braving Hope Treatment Model and the attachment, emotional & psychological, and sexual injuries resulting from betrayal, I realized I wasn't crazy after all!! All of these wild emotions and triggers are normal from being betrayed. Michelle then wisely teaches tools and strategies to keep one from being stuck in fear, shame, and helplessness. She describes a clear path towards healing, and gives hope as one regains dignity, and a renewed sense of self.
I'm so thankful for Michelle, her wisdom, her wise counsel, and the many gifts I've received personally from reading, The Betrayal Bind, and from her program, Braving Hope!
I immediately related to, and was drawn into the book as Michelle shared her heart with me like a dear friend over coffee, sharing her experience and pain. She didn't leave me there in the pain, but invited me to join her in her journey of being courageous; to be the hero of my own betrayal story.
As Michelle then described her Braving Hope Treatment Model and the attachment, emotional & psychological, and sexual injuries resulting from betrayal, I realized I wasn't crazy after all!! All of these wild emotions and triggers are normal from being betrayed. Michelle then wisely teaches tools and strategies to keep one from being stuck in fear, shame, and helplessness. She describes a clear path towards healing, and gives hope as one regains dignity, and a renewed sense of self.
I'm so thankful for Michelle, her wisdom, her wise counsel, and the many gifts I've received personally from reading, The Betrayal Bind, and from her program, Braving Hope!
March 9, 2023
A MUST READ for betrayed partners and those who support them, both personally and professionally
As a therapist in the field of trauma for over 25 years, what I found myself experiencing after discovering my husband’s sex addiction felt hauntingly familiar. All my symptoms pointed to trauma, but I had not yet heard the term Betrayal Trauma. In the midst of my storm of pain and confusion, I discovered the work of Michelle Mays. She described what I was experiencing with steadying clarity and life-giving validation. I am thrilled that she has compiled her valuable work in this book, and I hope that many who find themselves in the midst of betrayal will also find hope in these pages. Mays’ approach to the trauma of betrayal is solidly grounded in attachment theory, describing the injuries caused by a partner’s betrayal of the primary adult attachment relationship. She also views betrayed partners through the lens of trauma, validating one’s symptoms as appropriate responses to a traumatic discovery. If you have found this review while in your own storm of betrayal, or that of someone you care about, this is absolutely the first book I would recommend you read. May you find healing and hope in these pages.
As a therapist in the field of trauma for over 25 years, what I found myself experiencing after discovering my husband’s sex addiction felt hauntingly familiar. All my symptoms pointed to trauma, but I had not yet heard the term Betrayal Trauma. In the midst of my storm of pain and confusion, I discovered the work of Michelle Mays. She described what I was experiencing with steadying clarity and life-giving validation. I am thrilled that she has compiled her valuable work in this book, and I hope that many who find themselves in the midst of betrayal will also find hope in these pages. Mays’ approach to the trauma of betrayal is solidly grounded in attachment theory, describing the injuries caused by a partner’s betrayal of the primary adult attachment relationship. She also views betrayed partners through the lens of trauma, validating one’s symptoms as appropriate responses to a traumatic discovery. If you have found this review while in your own storm of betrayal, or that of someone you care about, this is absolutely the first book I would recommend you read. May you find healing and hope in these pages.
June 2, 2024
Wow, this book is incredible!
A loved one recently found out about an affair that has been completely blindsiding and crushing and was recommended this book. A few days later, a dear friend who is a therapist mentioned this same book because of a client. I took that as a sign and inhaled this book on the plane ride home from our vacation last week.
I couldn’t help but think of my loved one AND about 5 other women all at once while listening to this audiobook. I’m so sad that I have so many friends who have been cheated on!
This book really is up to date on all the literature behind Attachment theory, trauma, complex ptsd, Polyvagal theory, mental health, the autonomic nervous system, etc and weaves this in the least “sciency” way throughout to get to the heart of what betrayal does to you.
If you’ve ever dealt with betrayal in a relationship, or if you want to help support someone dealing with betrayal, I highly recommend it.
A loved one recently found out about an affair that has been completely blindsiding and crushing and was recommended this book. A few days later, a dear friend who is a therapist mentioned this same book because of a client. I took that as a sign and inhaled this book on the plane ride home from our vacation last week.
I couldn’t help but think of my loved one AND about 5 other women all at once while listening to this audiobook. I’m so sad that I have so many friends who have been cheated on!
This book really is up to date on all the literature behind Attachment theory, trauma, complex ptsd, Polyvagal theory, mental health, the autonomic nervous system, etc and weaves this in the least “sciency” way throughout to get to the heart of what betrayal does to you.
If you’ve ever dealt with betrayal in a relationship, or if you want to help support someone dealing with betrayal, I highly recommend it.
June 27, 2024
This book has been the most helpful book I’ve read so far about infidelity. But I still felt it was lacking a lot.
The best part was the book covers the psychological experience of the betrayed partner, which felt very validating and made me realize my reactions are normal. I liked the part where she covered how natural reactions could be unhelpful for the relationship, like declawing the tiger and cycling.
My least favorite part was the treatment guide at the end. I wish instead of outlining the stages of healing that she went into more steps you can take by yourself to move through those stages.
Her therapy program isn’t accessible to everyone, and I thought this book would help me understand the steps to heal now. It gives some preliminary steps, but it felt like there could have been more guidance about how to decide what to do in your situation, setting boundaries and how to emotionally heal. 🤷🏼♀️
The best part was the book covers the psychological experience of the betrayed partner, which felt very validating and made me realize my reactions are normal. I liked the part where she covered how natural reactions could be unhelpful for the relationship, like declawing the tiger and cycling.
My least favorite part was the treatment guide at the end. I wish instead of outlining the stages of healing that she went into more steps you can take by yourself to move through those stages.
Her therapy program isn’t accessible to everyone, and I thought this book would help me understand the steps to heal now. It gives some preliminary steps, but it felt like there could have been more guidance about how to decide what to do in your situation, setting boundaries and how to emotionally heal. 🤷🏼♀️
March 8, 2023
Michelle Mays Books, Podcasts and YouTube Channel was a “Godsend”for my healing journey!!
After discovering my husband's affair, I was so devastated from the pain and had venomous hate towards him and his affair partner. I never thought at the time of discovery that I would even consider staying committed to our marriage. This book is helping me and my husband rebuild our relationship, improve our communication with each other, and regain trust.
The book provides steps (called milestones) to help you heal from the affair. I do not feel as though this book blames the betrayed for the affair. It does, however, stress the importance of gaining insight on what went wrong in the marriage and/or what led to the affair.
Surviving the pain of infidelity seemed impossible, but Michelle Mays book supported me by validating all the emotions that I was feeling. Knowing that my emotional rollercoaster was "normal" supported me in my grief. If you are looking for a concrete plan for healing and/or saving your marriage after an affair, I recommend that you read this book…along with these two other books below from Michelle Mays and her YouTube Channel, Podcasts and definitely subscribe to her website for amazing resources for your journey!!!
“When It All Breaks Bad: 10 Things To Do (And Not Do) After Betrayal”
“The Aftermath of Betrayal”
After discovering my husband's affair, I was so devastated from the pain and had venomous hate towards him and his affair partner. I never thought at the time of discovery that I would even consider staying committed to our marriage. This book is helping me and my husband rebuild our relationship, improve our communication with each other, and regain trust.
The book provides steps (called milestones) to help you heal from the affair. I do not feel as though this book blames the betrayed for the affair. It does, however, stress the importance of gaining insight on what went wrong in the marriage and/or what led to the affair.
Surviving the pain of infidelity seemed impossible, but Michelle Mays book supported me by validating all the emotions that I was feeling. Knowing that my emotional rollercoaster was "normal" supported me in my grief. If you are looking for a concrete plan for healing and/or saving your marriage after an affair, I recommend that you read this book…along with these two other books below from Michelle Mays and her YouTube Channel, Podcasts and definitely subscribe to her website for amazing resources for your journey!!!
“When It All Breaks Bad: 10 Things To Do (And Not Do) After Betrayal”
“The Aftermath of Betrayal”
March 9, 2023
This book will change your life. The pain of an intimate betrayal can shake up your world. The Braving Hope program is groundbreaking in its methods to bring a betrayed partner back to emotional regulation and firmly rooted in their power center. The Braving Hope program CREATES the silver lining in that storm cloud. It helps you heal your pain and transform from the experience - making you a better person, mother, spouse and friend. The Betrayal Bind shares the Braving Hope process with the reader. Michelle Mays is especially gifted in her ability to break this healing process down into manageable bit size chunks so that healing is sooo accessible to those in pain. If you are ready for a path forward led by a trusted guide, then Betrayal Bind is for you. You will love the ending in your story after you complete this journey following this guide. You will transform!
March 10, 2023
The Betrayal Bind: How to Heal When the Person You Love the Most Hurts You the Worst
This book is on the top of my list for understanding and working through the betrayal trauma partners face from infidelity and sexual betrayal.
I thought this was a journey I would have to take on my own, and found validation that I am not crazy and my symptoms are a part of the betrayal dilemma. Michelle Mays explains the binds that hold partners back from healing. I came to realize that I am not the blame for my partner’s betrayal. Although relationship trust was damaged, there are many paths to healing with and without my partner.
Michelle Mays explains how to work through the pain and come to the knowledge that each of us is a person of worth and value.
It is a wild ride for certain! Thank you for presenting these ideas in a way that makes sense!!
This book is on the top of my list for understanding and working through the betrayal trauma partners face from infidelity and sexual betrayal.
I thought this was a journey I would have to take on my own, and found validation that I am not crazy and my symptoms are a part of the betrayal dilemma. Michelle Mays explains the binds that hold partners back from healing. I came to realize that I am not the blame for my partner’s betrayal. Although relationship trust was damaged, there are many paths to healing with and without my partner.
Michelle Mays explains how to work through the pain and come to the knowledge that each of us is a person of worth and value.
It is a wild ride for certain! Thank you for presenting these ideas in a way that makes sense!!
March 9, 2023
When the coin dropped and all the mysteries and puzzle pieces started to make sense - it was a terrible and wonderful day.
I was not crazy. Something was going on. The fog from his gaslighting started to clear.
Now what?
The way forward was terrifying and lonely, even with the truth now in my backpack. It was Michelle Mays’ wisdom, care and practical help that saw me through to flourishing. In her new book she delivers insight and support that will guide the betrayed reader toward healing and wholeness. With evidence, science and a tender heart this book will be a lifeline for those who have been betrayed. If that is you - I am so sorry. Read this book, and know that there is light and life to come.
I was not crazy. Something was going on. The fog from his gaslighting started to clear.
Now what?
The way forward was terrifying and lonely, even with the truth now in my backpack. It was Michelle Mays’ wisdom, care and practical help that saw me through to flourishing. In her new book she delivers insight and support that will guide the betrayed reader toward healing and wholeness. With evidence, science and a tender heart this book will be a lifeline for those who have been betrayed. If that is you - I am so sorry. Read this book, and know that there is light and life to come.
March 11, 2023
Finally A Truly Helpful Resource When Navigating Betrayal
I am so thankful a book like this FINALLY exists! This resource offers a fresh perspective that gives hope and empowerment to betrayed partners. I’ve read many books in my betrayal journey that use a co-dependency model which were unhelpful and left me feeling frustrated and alone.
Michelle’s use of Attachment Theory is the tool necessary to find hope as you brave ahead!
I highly recommend this book to both those new to this journey and those who continue to find healing and wholeness years into their journey.
Michelle’s writing is both professional and personal, very easy to read, and her own stories of betrayal make the book so relatable!
I am so thankful a book like this FINALLY exists! This resource offers a fresh perspective that gives hope and empowerment to betrayed partners. I’ve read many books in my betrayal journey that use a co-dependency model which were unhelpful and left me feeling frustrated and alone.
Michelle’s use of Attachment Theory is the tool necessary to find hope as you brave ahead!
I highly recommend this book to both those new to this journey and those who continue to find healing and wholeness years into their journey.
Michelle’s writing is both professional and personal, very easy to read, and her own stories of betrayal make the book so relatable!
March 12, 2023
If you have experienced sexual betrayal, The Betrayal Bind is for you! You will feel known, heard and understood when you read this book. Through the lens of attachment theory, Michelle Mays clearly yet gently explains what is happening to you, your partner and your relationship. And the best part is she offers a clear path to help partners bravely move forward and heal from the confusion and devastation of betrayal. This book will help betrayed spouses come to grips with the impact of betrayal trauma and to become the hero of their betrayal story. I highly recommend this book and all of Michelle Mays’ resources, YouTube videos, books, etc.
August 5, 2024
I finally got around to finishing this book that I started over a year ago! I have a huge stack of therapy books to get through, but it seems that a new book becomes important when clients come in with a different challenge. I mention this because I don’t want potential readers to think this book isn’t engaging or relevant. It’s the best book on betrayal trauma I’ve read and I recommend it to anyone who has been betrayed in a relationship (as well as to those who did the betraying)! The author excellently details the factors of this unique trauma of broken trust, as well as concrete steps toward recovering and creating a better life going forward.
February 18, 2025
Insightful book re: why people cheat in relationships and how you can use your situation as the betrayed partner (whether you stay or leave) to GROW. Newsflash: Cheating rarely has anything to do with the betrayed partner, and is mostly due to the cheating partner’s emotional avoidance, need for escapism and stunted social-emotional development aka you’ll never change a cheater - porn/sex addictions, much like any other addiction, require therapeutic care to address deep-rooted emotional issues to help with recovery. Obvi extremely triggering topic. Proceed with caution. 😅
August 28, 2024
I never imagined I’d be needing a book like this, but it has been one of my greatest resources while going through this. There were so many passages that felt like Mays had read my diary and seen right to the heart of what I was going through. I’ll be reading and re-reading this one for a while, I’m sure. The validation, practical advice, and hope offered has already healed me more than I thought was possible.
January 14, 2025
This book was… fine. I think if you were new to the world of therapy, it would really be helpful, and she has a LOT of really solid ideas throughout.
My main issue was it felt a little “self promotional”, not in the fact that she’s telling her story and sharing her pain (all for this, I pray it helps other people heal) but in the “scan this QR code to take my course and learn more” at the end of every chapter.
Not my cup of tea, but probably someone’s, and that is good!!
My main issue was it felt a little “self promotional”, not in the fact that she’s telling her story and sharing her pain (all for this, I pray it helps other people heal) but in the “scan this QR code to take my course and learn more” at the end of every chapter.
Not my cup of tea, but probably someone’s, and that is good!!
July 20, 2025
This is probably an essential book for anyone who has been blind-sighted by someone they thought they could trust. Michelle Mays has not only lived through the trauma of having her primary attachment figure of many years betray her, but she has also studied it and now helps others process the pain of this unthinkable occurance. She is able to relate to the reader's profound pain and give wise and concrete information to navigate it.
March 9, 2023
Michelle brings her years of knowledge and experience to the world in her gift of this book. Speaking to the missing piece of attachment-based care, betrayed partners, the betraying partners, and therapists working with those experiencing the devastation of betrayal will all benefit from this treatment model. It walks one from devastation to hope, one step at a time. A must read!
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