I'd Rather Burn Than Bloom

by Shannon C.F. Rogers

Packed with voice, this is a powerful coming-of-age YA novel about a Filipina-American teen who tries to figure out who she really is in the wake of her mother's death.

Some girls call their mother their best friend. Marisol? She could never relate. She and her mom were forever locked in an argument with no beginning and no end.

But when her mother dies suddenly, Marisol is left with no one to fight against, haunted by all the things that she both said and didn’t say. And when Marisol sleeps with her best friend's boyfriend—and then punches said best friend in the face—she's left alone, with nothing but a burning anger.

And Marisol is determined to stay angry. After all, there’s a lot to be angry about. But as a new friendship begins to develop, Marisol reluctantly starts to open up to her, and to the possibility there’s something else on the other side of that anger—something more to who she is, and who she could be.

Genres: Young Adult, Contemporary, Fiction, Audiobook, Realistic Fiction, Grief, Teen

320 pages, Hardcover

First published July 11, 2023

About the author

Shannon C.F. Rogers is a multiracial American writer of Filipinx and European descent. Her debut novel, I'D RATHER BURN THAN BLOOM, received the 2024 APALA Asian/Pacific American Award for Young Adult Literature.

A former editor on Lunch Ticket, her work has appeared in Bodega Magazine and Newfound Journal as well as on stage with Tricklock Company, Lady Luck Productions, and the UNM Words Afire Festival of New Plays.

Shannon earned her B.A. in Creative Writing from the University of New Mexico and her MFA in Writing For Young People at Antioch University Los Angeles. She has served as an educator, after-school program director, and lost mitten finder at schools in Albuquerque, Chicago, and New York City. She lives in Brooklyn, NY.

Reviews

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’d Rather Burn than Bloom is an incredibly powerful debut that discusses grief, loss, and relationships. The complexity of each relationship is something I was blown away by. This book was extremely hard to put down, and get out of my head. I will be thinking of this book for a long time, and I will be suggesting it for students once it comes out.

[Yume Kitasei · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an amazing book! It's funny, it's sad, and the story draws you in and keeps you turning the pages. I'm cried several times reading it, and I'm still thinking about it months later (I thought I already did a review for this one, but apparently not).

When Mirasol's mother dies suddenly in a car accident, Mirasol is left to deal with guilt and grief, as well as the loss of the connection to her Filipino heritage (her mother is Filipina and her father is white). Her father struggles to keep the household going as a single father, while her younger bother has been disappearing and who knows what he's up to.

This a beautiful, perfect novel about loss and grief, teenage angst, and growing up biracial/cultural in America. The prose is exquisite, and the characters feel real. This is a stunning book. I've already recommended it to several people, and now I'm recommending it to you!

[elise · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars

Thank you to Colored Pages Tours, Fierce Reads, and Shannon C.F. Rogers for providing me with an e-ARC and finished copy in exchange for an honest review!

This debut will hold a special place in my heart. It centers around my favorite themes in contemporary YA, grief and anger, while also navigating the challenges of growing up biracial. From a personal standpoint, I loved reading about a half-White, half-Filipino protagonist; I can usually find biracial rep or Filipino rep, but it was nice to relate so directly to Marisol. (Hey, Marisol, I avoided driving too...uh, I'll get my license eventually.) The writing is bold and heavy, alternating between the past and present, which is reflective of Marisol's regrets and acceptance. As with any book about the death of a parent, this was far from an easy read but is an engaging one with a solid pace. Even the smallest details and incidents bloom with pain as Marisol comes to terms with her grief. If you've enjoyed titles such as Summer Bird Blue by Akemi Dawn Bowman and You Know I'm No Good by Jessie Ann Foley, you'll love I'd Rather Burn Than Bloom.

[Cassie Pinney · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'd Rather Burn Than Bloom tells the story of how Marisol Martin hit rock bottom after the loss of her mother. Shifting between "Then" and "Now," the reader sees how a tumultuous relationship with her mother leads to immense guilt after her death. Marisol tries to get her life back on track, but can't seem to keep the pieces from falling apart.

Although I am often drawn to YA books where a main character is coping with grief, this book was a particularly engaging and propulsive read. I was really hooked on Marisol's story. Her story is messy. Her family doesn't have it all together. All of that made me connect with her even more. The pace of this book was quick and the characters were well developed. The punk shows and record store made really fun settings for the story as well. For me, this book was both nostalgic and out of the ordinary.

I loved this book and can't wait to recommend it to young readers. I think Marisol and her family were wonderfully imperfect and relatable.

Thank you to NetGalley and Macmillan Children's Publishing Group for an eARC copy.

[Lee [Bibliophile Tings] · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thank you so much to Feiwel & Friends for sending me a copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

“I was always telling her, begging her, to just leave me alone.
And then she finally did.”

As a whole, I found I’d Rather Burn Than Bloom to be rather unsatisfying. There were so many unresolved issues in Marisol’s life: the lack of closure following the death of her mother, her school and driver’s classes troubles, her maybe-relationship with Joel.

I was hoping for clear endings to these problems or maybe steps toward a solution.

But the Fil-Am rep…that was everything.

“Am I even Filipino anymore, within them? Without Mom?”

Marisol’s relationship with her mother was relatable and raw. I saw myself in Marisol, especially when she questioned her identity following the passing of her mother. Those moments were profound and beautiful. Those moments were why I kept reading.

Bottom line: I picked this up purely for the Fil-Am rep.

──✒ pre review initial thoughts
I need a moment to process

⸻ᥫ᭡
my blog!

[Joce (squibblesreads) · Rating 3 out of 5]

this is probably an unfair rating bc i am being absolutely walloped by my own grief but i wanted to cry more and i did not

[Val · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5

this story explores coming-of-age while also navigating the immeasurable grief of losing a parent, biracial identity development, & just typical high school trauma. talk about a hard hitting book 😮‍💨

marisol got into fights with her mom all the time — what teenage girl doesn’t? but after one fight in particular, her mom tragically & suddenly passes away. marisol is left with so much anger & grief & the only escapes she finds are through drinking, skipping school, sleeping with her best friend’s boyfriend — needless to say, she is self-sabotaging to the max

her story showed how messy grief is & how much messier it gets when you’re dealing with teenagers who don’t know how to talk about or regulate their emotions, ask for help, or lean on others for support. working with middle schoolers & high schoolers, i found her to be such a realistic & empathetic character. her anger & inability to find healthy coping mechanisms broke my heart, but i just kept rooting for her because i know teenagers are so so resilient

there was so much packed into this story, between marisol’s (& her family’s) grief, grappling with her Filipino “half” with her only surviving parent being her white dad, losing & establishing friendships, & more. the prose was incredibly engaging & readable, perfectly accessible to ya audiences without being too out-of-touch for adults either

this was 4 stars for me personally, but i imagine it would be a STRONG 5 stars for the exact intended audience (teens coming of age while navigating grief of losing a parent) & i think that this specific representation is such a special, necessary addition to the apida & ya lit scenes

overall, i cried a lot & i really just want to find all of the marisols in the world to tell them they deserve love, they just have to let it in 🫂

[SJ Cooley · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a really beautiful book about grief and relationships. The story’s “then” and “now” timelines are a great choice and many elements of the story I was hoping to be explained eventually resolve by the end. The description of Albuquerque make me happy to call this beautiful city home. So many mentions of local eateries, streets, and sights made me smile.

[Aimee · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a beautiful, heartbreaking book and I am so glad I read it!

•YA
•Coming of age
•Filipina-American main character🇵🇭
•Navigating through grief and anger
•Complicated family dynamics
•New found friends

For such a serious topic, I was instantly hooked. The author has a way of pulling you in and makes you feel what Marisol, the main character is going through. You can't help but root for her! Everything felt so raw. I loved the back and forth between past and present. Love the friends around her that help pull her through. I also loved the representation of Filipino culture! It's books like these that really make me love YA! It is not an easy read by any means, but it's one of those books that will leave a mark. I highly reccomend 💕

[Emma Reid · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don't know how I wasn't expecting an emotional family drama, but here we are. I found the time skips really interesting, especially given their framing with grief. You can flash back at a moment's notice, just by seeing something that reminds you of your loved one. Marisol is coping with all of that, the implosion of her friend group, and the casual racism of daily high school life. It's a lot.

What I enjoyed most about this book was how Marisol grew. She went from floundering around and blaming herself for everything to acknowledging her role, but also being critical of the roles of those around her. The family and high school dynamics were so realistic, there were points where I was yelling at her dad too. I loved watching her discover the punk music scene and her own sense of autonomy amidst all of her crises. The voice was lyrical and the ending was perfection.

*Thank you to Feiwel & Friends and NetGalley for an ARC in exchange for my honest review and LibroFM for a gifted ALC*

[Beth · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars/ Reminded me of Saving Francesca which is some praise

[Brittany]

disclaimer if you’ve read other reviews by me and are noticing a pattern: You’re correct that I don’t really give starred reviews, I feel like a peasant and don’t like leaving them and most often, I will only leave them if I vehemently despised a book. Thus, no stars doesn’t indicate that the book wasn’t worthy of any starred system. It just means I enjoy most books for what they are, & I extract lessons from them all. Everyone’s reading experiences are subjective, so I hope my reviews provide enough information to let you know if a book is for you or not. Happy reading! Find me on Instagram: @bookish.millennial or tiktok: @bookishmillennial

Premise:
young adult coming of age fiction set in Albuquerque, New Mexico
Teenager Marisol Martin has just lost her mom after a car accident and is grappling with grief
Her brother is retreating into himself and her dad continues to close off his feelings (he was also like this before, when the topic of his own father who kicked him out came up)
In Marisol's grief, she sleeps with her best friend Yvonne's boyfriend (yikes) & they have a big falling out
Marisol makes new friends & begins to navigate her grief journey & her heritage of being half-Filipino
She was always bumping heads with her mom, due to generational and cultural differences
Then & Now chapters to see Marisol's mom through Marisol's memories
cw: car accident/hospital scene, underage drinking, slut-shaming, generational trauma, self-destructive behavior, animal/pet death

Thoughts:
Whew. I am approaching my 32nd year in life, and as I look back on the mother-daughter relationship I had at Marisol's age, it's really triggering. My mom is still alive and well, and I am usually a reader who says "you don't always need to self-insert" or "not everything is about you" haha. However, I couldn't help but contemplate how similar I would have felt to Marisol if my mom passed away during such a turbulent time in my life, which also affected our relationship and dynamic. During the moments when Marisol is frustrated or annoyed by her mom (I mean, she's *perpetually* annoyed by her mom but during the more tense moments), I felt myself getting fed up with Marisol's attitude. However, I have enough self-awareness to recognize that I am sometimes hardest on people for exuding qualities that I'm still working on.

I appreciated that we had such a messy main character in Marisol. She wasn't the perfect, innocent girl next door who could do no wrong. She participated in a lot of wrongdoing actually haha. I appreciated this nuance and the fleshing out of her character! She is only human! And beyond that, she just lost her mom, and she's enduring an existential crisis. She's left wondering if all the Filipino parts of her have left with her mom's passing. It's a devastating, heartbreaking examination of her identity. She begins to realize that so much of her Filipino culture was embedded in the interactions she had with her mom, and she tries to rediscover this part of herself.

I'm not biracial -- I am Chinese & Filipino; though there are differences, there are a lot of similarities in cultural attitudes and familial dynamics so I never felt like I was torn between two worlds when it came to the Chinese & Filipino sides of my families. I always felt torn between the diversity of my family and my elementary school friends (I was *never* the only AAPI young woman in the room there) and my high school and college environments. Those were the formative years where I learned what it meant to code switch and to make myself palatable for others. It hurts me that Marisol felt like an imposter once her mom died; as if the Filipino part of her was no longer valid.

Sometimes, I felt like the book dragged on a bit. However, I thoroughly enjoyed the ending, especially the phone call with her dad. It was so realistic -- both were struggling to communicate and fully empathize with the other, but they were both trying in their own ways.

I'd definitely read from this author again & I congratulate her on a great debut!

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

*Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing me with an e-ARC in exchange for an honest review*

Review: Shannon C.F. Rogers' debut is a beautifully devastating novel that demands to be read.

“I’d Rather Burn Than Bloom” follows Marisol Martin, a Filipina-American teen who tragically loses her mother to a car accident. Haunted by the an argument they had in their final moments together, Marisol clings to her anger to escape her sadness. She is determined to burn until the start of a new friendship convinces her otherwise.

This book really made me feel a wide spectrum of emotions, though I must confess that for the most part I was in a perpetual state of bawling my eyes out, which just goes to show how powerful this book is. Part of what makes it so powerful is the way the novel’s timeline is organized. Rogers alternates between the “then” and the “now,” dedicating whole chapters to Marisol’s memories of her mother. It was devastating to read about their tumultuous relationship in raw detail, but at the same time, I felt further connected to Marisol in learning about her past.

An aspect of the novel I appreciated is the ways in which Rogers familiarizes her readers with Filipino culture. She does this through religious customs, but also primarily through food. Rogers describes the preparation of specific dishes and the community that is established during this process at length when Marisol’s mother was alive. As a result, the absence of Filipino food and the reliance on microwave meals after the passing of Marisol’s mother is jarring, so much so that Marisol questions whether she has lost the Filipino part of her identity entirely in losing her mother.

Marisol’s story in “I’d Rather Burn Than Bloom” contributes to the conversation surrounding racial imposter syndrome in today’s society. Rogers did a fantastic job in shaping my understanding of this phenomenon— specifically who it impacts and what can be done about it. I highly recommend this book and intend to implement it in my classroom curriculum.

➤ 4.75 stars

Jess Approved?: ✓

Review cross-posted to: Book Blog | Bookstagram | Amazon

[Pamela Delupio · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a Filipino American whose mom also passed away when I was a teen, this book really hit all my feels. The expectation and guilt of wanting to be a better daughter and yet trying to carve out your own identity is so universal and yet so relevant to the diaspora. This story is so raw with emotions. And so real. Sometimes we make not so good decisions when we’re grieving. And yet those not so good decisions may be the key to moving on and finding ourselves too.

[Leah M · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to libro.fm for providing me with an ALC of this audiobook. I am offering my honest opinion voluntarily.

I was expecting to enjoy this book, but I honestly had no idea how much of an impact it would have, or how difficult it would be to stop listening to this audiobook. It's a coming of age story that focuses on grief and identity, and it's done so incredibly well.

Biracial Marisol has a contentious relationship with her mother - they don't seem to be able to communicate at all without it turning into a fight. But when her mother passes away suddenly, Marisol is left with her feelings of anger and grief, and no idea what to do with them.

The story jumps back and forth between the past and the present, but it is done really well. Each switch is clearly delineated, and it's easy to see the changes in Marisol from the early days after her mother's death to now. In addition, her father isn't coping with his own grief, and this makes it difficult for him to be present for his own children's grief, or even much of their needs.

Marisol quickly begins to seek out an escape from her grief, finding it in unhealthy outlets, which cause a number of consequences for her, including her progress in school and issues with her best friend, and echoing on even further down the line. Ultimately, it leaves Marisol completely socially isolated.

In addition to discussing important topics like grief and unhealthy coping skills, the book also talks about the search for self-identity for Marisol, as a biracial person. As someone who is half-Filipina and half-Caucasian, Marisol has visible Asian ancestry and an American last name. She talks about the struggle of wondering whether she can still identify as Filipina now that her mother has passed away, and wishing that she knew more about her culture, now that her strongest tie has been removed.

Overall, this was a fantastic read. It was powerful and moving, and I often found myself identifying with a lot of the story despite having a completely different life experience. This is well-written and easy to empathize with, and despite all of Marisol's flaws, she felt like a realistic person with a lot of room for growth throughout the story (both in the past and the present), but she demonstrated her ability to change.

[Ashley Lewis · Rating 4 out of 5]

So, I haven't quite typed out my review of this yet but here's some TW's that I noticed that you may want to be aware of and my take on the book's synopsis.

TW: car accident/hospital scene, underage drinking/alcoholism (?), slut-shaming (?), generational trauma, self-destructive behavior, animal/pet death

Marisol and her mother were about as far from mother and daughter as could be. With her Filipina mother wanting her to be the perfect daughter, Marisol felt that she was never good enough and constantly felt the need to defend herself from her mother’s criticisms. But, when her mother dies in a car accident, which Marisol believes was caused by their last argument, she finds herself on a downward spiral of self-destructive behavior, which ultimately culminates in her sleeping with said friends’ boyfriend—and then punching said friend in the face. But when seemingly perfect Elizabeth Parker enters the picture, Marisol discovers that there’s more to her story than meets the eye and a perspective that she was too angry to see.

[Victoria Wlosok]

it took me a while to finish this one just because i kept getting overwhelmed by miscellaneous Life Stuff but i finally committed to finishing it today and it was such a beautiful YA contemporary about grief, identity, and the struggles of being a teen <3 i loved it and i cannot wait to see what shannon rogers writes next!

[Brooke · Rating 4 out of 5]

Damn. That was good. A beautiful portrayal of the complexities of grief and growing up.

[christinac_reads · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'd Rather Burn Than Bloom by Shannon C.F. Rogers is a YA coming of age novel about Marisol, a Filipino American teenager who tries to figure out who she really is in the wake of her mother’s death. It is a story about how she tries to process not only the death of her mother but also the loss of the direct link she has to her Filipino cultural heritage

This is an incredibly raw, strong, and intensely compelling debut about grief and the cultural identity of a first generation Filipino and the struggle of finding her place in the world when suddenly one the pillars that held her up crumbles away.

“My mom had a lot of wishes for me. They felt like prayers, desperate pleas. For me to be some other way in the world as if the world would go easier on me if only I’d followed the script.”

The struggle she faced as a teenager with a mother that only wished the best for her but because of cultural differences she failed to understand and see that until it was too late. Their relationship was so rocky but so incredibly Filipino.

“A place that my mom carries around, heavy and guarded, like she’s waiting for someone to take it from her… or maybe to give it to me but she doesn’t know how.”

The novel is brimming with Filipino culture in this novel. A lot of the microaggressions that Filipino Americans face is also elegantly tackled. I’m reading my childhood in between the lines. There is a secondary character who is sapphic. She’s also so incredibly anxiety-ridden and filled with grief and guilt. The complexity of this flawed main character and relationships and the intensity of the writing took my breath away and had me crying multiple times.

If you like a book that feels like Aristotle and Dante but instead of queerness, the focus is cultural identity – you might enjoy this book as well. I really felt as if I was reading a book written to my younger self and I wish I had this growing up. I truly loved this and this is one of my favorite books that I have read this year and I cannot wait to read more from Shannon C.F. Rogers.

[Amanda at Bookish Brews · Rating 5 out of 5]

Losing what feels like your only connection to your heritage is something I know all too well and I cried this entire book. The entire thing. I love Marisol to pieces, she is me and I am her and we are both far too angry for our own good. I love her.

I'd Rather Burn Than Bloom touched my soul in places I didn't know needed healing. The angry teenager that I was in high school needed this book so much, and reading it now, as an adult, I realize how long it took me to heal without a story like this in my life. Family is and always will be so messy in ways that are impossible to understand, but it's also okay that our stories are messy.

Grieving a family member becomes so much harder when that emptiness also cuts you off from such a large piece of you. It isn't just a relationship you grieve, it's yourself that you grieve. The pieces of you that you could have had if life were just a little bit different. There is a particular grief in losing that connection that far transcends simple loss and gets tied up in all the complexities of immigration, yearning, and being a teenager.

This book owns my entire heart and I'm so honored that I was able to read it. Shannon CF Rogers has truly given a gift to young adult literature and I am forever grateful that she shared.

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[lady moon · Rating 5 out of 5]

“I don’t want to be the one who breaks the silence. Even though I want the silence to be broken. [...] I just don’t want to be the one to do it, for once. I’m clumsy with breaking silences. When I break them, even more gets broken, and I just keep on breaking and breaking and wrecking until it’s silent again.”

Rep: biracial Filipina-American MC, multiple Filipino-American scs, sapphic Mexican-American scs, multiple Mexican-American side characters

When I say I want angry and messy teenagers this is what I'm talking about! Holy shit, this book was amazing. It was better than I ever imagined and this title-

Honestly, I can confidently say the writing was amazing. I loved it and I have so many highlighted quotes actually. The whole book was dripping with emotion. I was at a chock hold so many times, desperate to read more, my eyes watering quite a few times and even crying at some. It was just- amazing. I'm not sure what else I can say about it other than that it's a gorgeous, emotional, considerate book. I devoured it. Like, I read it at two or three sittings, forcefully stopping my reading. If I was at home, I would have sat up and wouldn't have gotten up until I finish it.

[Marcy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Shannon C.F. Rogers has created a character in Marisol who is utterly believable. While Marisol is in the throes of grief and loss while also coming of age, Rogers keeps some humor intact and provides us with the lives of teenagers that resonate truthfully page after page. This is a moving story, and anyone interested in adolescent development and/or navigating parental loss will find it honest and compelling.

[Jasper Shifflett · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely DEVOURED this book. A heart-rending and honest portrayal of the grief that comes with losing a parent as a child or teenager. I lost my dad at 15, and am still processing his death and my impact on it 15 years later. A wonderful way to connect with readers experiencing death, and gives empathetic relief to survivors. We are not our actions in grief or in anger.

This book is a lovely reminder to honor the space that loss takes up in your life and in the lives of others.

[George · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’d Rather Burn Than Bloom is a masterfully conceived and executed portrait of adolescence and grief. Filled with joy, humor, pathos, and sorrow, the novel is sure to reach readers in ways that will resonate long after they finish the book. Rogers’ ability to unpack and explore complex webs of identity through her characters makes the story feel both timely and timeless. Enjoy!

[Rosie · Rating 5 out of 5]

this is a beautiful (and beautifully written) story - about grief, growing up, being biracial, friendships, family dynamics, and going to underground punk shows.

may make you cry but in the good way, when you feel cleaned out and clear afterwards. a gorgeous debut.

[Chelsea · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars

This novel perfectly encapsulates the messy, prolonged, and disordered processes of working through immense grief.

Marisol Martin, a Filipinx-American teenager, is spiraling out of control after the unexpected death of her mother in a car accident. The story flips between "Then" and "Now," illustrating Mari's past tumultuous relationship with her mother and current inability to cope with the unbearable guilt and depression that ensue after her mother's death. Her brother and father are also grappling with filling the space her mother once did, and we see a realistic depiction of how the loss of one family member can disorient and tear apart the rest.

This book was thoughtfully rendered and overall very well done, but what I particularly appreciated was that Rogers did a phenomenal job at depicting the mysteries and realities of what it feels like to be the biracial child of a woman of colour who has immigrated to a different country to marry a "local" (i.e., caucasian) man. This is my lived experience, so it is nice to read a book with some representation even though I am half Trinidadian, not Filipino. Still. Biracial people are underrepresented in literature and struggle with never feeling quite enough for either side, so thank you for making us feel seen and heard!

[Lulu · Rating 4 out of 5]

Marisol's mother died the day they had a terrible fight. Now, Marisol is drifting from her friends, drinking too much and struggling to keep herself together. It all comes to a head after she sleeps with her best friend's boyfriend, then punches her best friend the next day. But through a chance encounter at a suspension school, she meets a new friend and begins to open up again.

I grabbed this as an ebook from the library because of the title, with no knowledge of what I was getting into. It ended up being a really lovely book about grief and how messy it is. It's a little over-earnest at times, but that's not a bad thing; that's just me being a cynic. But it was great to watch the friendship blossom between Elizabeth and Marisol, and interesting to watch the ways that Marisol's family struggled to come together.

It's an impressive debut novel and I look forward to more by Rogers in the future.

[Rob · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rogers treats her characters with nuance and respect as she tells the story of a troubled Filipina-American teen spiraling after her mother's death. From the subtle humor, to the inner thoughts contradicting the outward actions, to each important person having depth and believability, I was on-board with Marisol and her problems the entire time.
If there were any flaws, it's that on audio the timeline can get a little confusing and there was a social issue at the end that left me with questions. I'd Rather Burn Than Bloom is the perfect title and summary of the turmoil Marisol is going through and the damage done along the way. If you like frighteningly real characters, as much laughter as loneliness and a little light at the end of the tunnel, I can't recommend this YA story of grief and recovery enough.

[Pauline · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars. Marisol had a complicated and often contentious relationship with her mother, as many teenage girls do. But when her mother dies unexpectedly, Marisol finds herself trying to navigate through all the resulting emotions and changes.

This was a brutally emotional read. Marisol is messy and destructive and it hurt to read what she was going through.There's anger, guilt, grief, loss, and on top of it all, she's so desperately alone because she can't express what she's going through. Even at the end, when there's a ray of hope for her, I felt so emotionally drained. It was a hard read, but a good one.

[Zana · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars rounded up.

Current grown-up me gave this 3 stars, but teen me would've loved it and given it 4 stars.

A lot of it feels like it's meandering, and I think other reviews mentioned that the ending was vague? But honestly, the vague ending was my favorite and was really bittersweet, yet hopeful.

I also loved how the FMC talks about her Filipino roots. And the regret she feels over not connecting with her mother before her death feels really realistic.

Her unhealthy coping mechanisms were also realistic. And the author (and audiobook narrator!) did really well with giving each character their own voice, so you can tell who's speaking.