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Cessation of Intercourse With the British Minister: Message From the President of the United States: Communicating Cessation of Intercourse With the ... and Minister Plenipotentiary of Great Britain
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86 pages, Paperback
First published May 22, 1856
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Franklin Pierce
82 books4 followersLibrarian Note: There is more than one author in the GoodReads database with this name. See this thread for more information.
Franklin Pierce was an American politician and lawyer elected as the 14th President of the United States on the Democratic Party ticket, serving from 1853 to 1857. Previously, he was appointed commander and colonel of the 9th Infantry Regiment in the Mexican–American War, and was quickly promoted to brigadier general.
Franklin Pierce was an American politician and lawyer elected as the 14th President of the United States on the Democratic Party ticket, serving from 1853 to 1857. Previously, he was appointed commander and colonel of the 9th Infantry Regiment in the Mexican–American War, and was quickly promoted to brigadier general.
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August 26, 2020Franklin Pierce is a great uncle, supposedly, though I've yet to verify that in three sources to make it official, but we're not exactly proud of him in the family. He's always in the bottom five of presidential rankings, and frequently in the bottom three. This applies only to rankings by people who actually know what they're talking about. It includes people who can not only name all 44 presidents, who are aware that 44 is merely a technicality since the job was officially held by 43 men, but who are also familiar with what occurred during their administrations and the after affects. It does not include lists by your run-of-the-mill internet blowhards who put Bush or Obama in the lead depending on what team they're on, all the while claiming to be objective. I give no credence to "best/worst of all time" lists that include H.W. Bush, Clinton, W. Bush, or Obama because not enough time has passed, and even including Carter or Reagan is pushing it. I don't think I've ever seen Franklin take the top slot (James Buchanan is pretty stiff competition after all), but he knocks on it hard.
So, how bad was he? Many argue that the Civil War was still avoidable on Franklin's watch, but not only did he not try to put out this slowly smoldering fire, he poured gas on it (see "Bleeding Kansas"), or perhaps "shoveled coal onto it" is a more appropriate metaphor. After that it was just a matter of time before everyone got in on the action. The Kansas thing even involved one of our shining moments in American history: The Sumner/Brooks beating on the floor of the Senate for which Brooks was never even admonished in any legal capacity. What I mean to say is that it isn't a crime if you don't get charged, and thanks to my college history professor for pointing that out.
This is how shit used to get done in the US Senate back in the day.
OK, so his domestic policy was a bust. What about his foreign policy? This amounted to him trying to start a war with Spain by telling them "Ay, give ush Cuba, or we... we... we'll fightsh ya. Put em up, put em uuuuuupppppp!" (He slurred his words because he was drunk most of the time. The Whigs often declared he was the hero of many a well-fought bottle during the Mexican War).
Nor could he win at home, but who could with a crazy woman like Jane Appleton Pierce for a wife? After the death of their son a couple of months before Pierce's inauguration, she simply put on a black dress, went to her room, and wrote letters to the dead kid for the entire presidency. It was their third kid, and the third to die, so we can forgive her for being a bit of a gloomy Gus. A devout Calvinist, she was sure it was God removing distractions from Frank's life so he could focus on doing a good job as president. (Talk about dropping the ball on something.) She hated politics, and once she found out that he had actively sought the nomination from his party, she refused to attend his inauguration and wouldn't let him wear the locket with their dead son's hair in it.
Nor was he any good at the local level. Back in the 1850s the President used to drive his own carriage, and Franklin was his own chauffeur though he really should've hired somebody. One night he ran down an old woman. A policeman came and nabbed him, but once it was discovered who he was he was released. (It's not only recently that simply being the president can put you above the law. Once again, it isn't a crime if you don't get charged).
Nor was his own party really thrilled with him from the start. The Democrats were having a bitch of a time deciding who to run for president in 1852, and he wasn't even put on the ballot until the 35th vote. Four years later he had done such a deplorable job that he wasn't renominated (a major kick in the teeth), and the major slogan at the convention that year was "Anybody but Pierce," which explains how they ended up with Buchanan. When he found out he didn't win a renomination, he was able to return to doing what he did best and expressed it by saying "There's nothing left to do but to get drunk," which he did posthaste and kept it up for the next 13 years until his death by cirrhosis of the liver, or a stomach explosion, or something.
Nor could he win in his home state of New Hampshire after he moved back there. He was anti-anti-slavery, pro-southern, despised Lincoln, and he let these things be known in no uncertain terms. After Lincoln was killed, he didn't put up a flag for mourning. An angry mob showed up in his front yard and threatened him with some meanness, but Pierce found a flag, waved it around a bit, did some fast talking, and everyone went home without lynching the ex-president. Still, 50 years would pass after Pierce's death before New Hampshire could be bothered to put up a statue of the man. I guess they figured he's probably the only president from their state they're ever going to have, but if they ever elect another, I'm sure they'll tear down the Franklin statue in favor of the noob.
So, did he have no redeeming qualities? Of course he did. Even the worst have a couple of tick marks in the pro column. He was the first president to have a Christmas tree in the White House!
And though it's really a matter of personal taste, he's often rated as our most handsome president. But we should heed Harry Truman's thoughts on the matter: "He's got the best picture in the White House, Franklin Pierce, but being president involves a little bit more than just winning a beauty contest."
Can I get a va-va-va-voom from the House of Reps?
And... Well, I'm afraid there isn't another "and." I even checked Bob Dole's book where he ranks the Presidents' senses of humor, and poor Uncle Frank is at the bottom of that list too in the "The Joke's on Them" chapter. In the bottom three at that! Oh well.
Dammit, there I go again. Let me get started on history, especially the presidents or Civil War, and I get a case of the on-and-ons. Please allow me to start over, and maybe I'll keep the rest of this essay on topic. I can't call it a review since I barely skimmed the book. Also, I'm afraid the rest of this will be an abuse of internet rule 34, so if that's not your thing, please stop reading now, though this next section will be much shorter than the preceding one.
AHEM!
Whoever coined the phrase "Don't judge a book by its cover," or it's title, wasn't just blowing smoke. Cessation of Intercourse with the British Minister is the short title of this dry roll in the hay, but the full title is even more misleading. Cessation of Intercourse with the Envoy Extraordinary and Minister Plenipotentiary of Great Britain evokes images of a ménage-a-trois gone awry, and I'm afraid it will leave you disappointed. The "Envoy Extraordinary and Minister Plenipotentiary" are one person, not two, so you're automatically down to a ménage-a-deux if you're including uncle Frank, and there's nothing kinky about that unless you're a practicing celibate. If you're not including Frank, then it simply means said minister, George Mifflin Dallas, simply stopped screwing himself.
Please believe me when I say there is nothing extraordinary about the envoy (at least not in the couple of pages I read), which might account for the desire for celibacy going forward. I mean, come on, with a name like "Mifflin," wouldn't you expect more? Is it unreasonable to expect extraordinary things from someone so monikered? And right there on page two we have Miffy telling the Secretary of State that he has sent his "number seven to Liverpool to go by the steamer Atlantic." Well, I was certainly hooked. What could a number seven be? It sure sounded exciting. Then there's a Lord Clarendon getting involved with the steamer Asia. Hoooo boy! And there's talk of a "public instrument!" Oh, glory!
Then our own minister to the UK who is none other than James Buchanan gets involved, and we realize we've made a grievous error. (The man just ruins everything, even this potential fuck-rag, and he deserves his place as worst president in my book). It turns out this is about President Pierce getting his panties in a wad over a war or something, and the intercourse referred to in the title is not coitus, but communication. Plain old simple verbal or written communication. There's no smut to be found here.
EPIC FAIL!!!
So, how bad was he? Many argue that the Civil War was still avoidable on Franklin's watch, but not only did he not try to put out this slowly smoldering fire, he poured gas on it (see "Bleeding Kansas"), or perhaps "shoveled coal onto it" is a more appropriate metaphor. After that it was just a matter of time before everyone got in on the action. The Kansas thing even involved one of our shining moments in American history: The Sumner/Brooks beating on the floor of the Senate for which Brooks was never even admonished in any legal capacity. What I mean to say is that it isn't a crime if you don't get charged, and thanks to my college history professor for pointing that out.
This is how shit used to get done in the US Senate back in the day.
OK, so his domestic policy was a bust. What about his foreign policy? This amounted to him trying to start a war with Spain by telling them "Ay, give ush Cuba, or we... we... we'll fightsh ya. Put em up, put em uuuuuupppppp!" (He slurred his words because he was drunk most of the time. The Whigs often declared he was the hero of many a well-fought bottle during the Mexican War).
Nor could he win at home, but who could with a crazy woman like Jane Appleton Pierce for a wife? After the death of their son a couple of months before Pierce's inauguration, she simply put on a black dress, went to her room, and wrote letters to the dead kid for the entire presidency. It was their third kid, and the third to die, so we can forgive her for being a bit of a gloomy Gus. A devout Calvinist, she was sure it was God removing distractions from Frank's life so he could focus on doing a good job as president. (Talk about dropping the ball on something.) She hated politics, and once she found out that he had actively sought the nomination from his party, she refused to attend his inauguration and wouldn't let him wear the locket with their dead son's hair in it.
Nor was he any good at the local level. Back in the 1850s the President used to drive his own carriage, and Franklin was his own chauffeur though he really should've hired somebody. One night he ran down an old woman. A policeman came and nabbed him, but once it was discovered who he was he was released. (It's not only recently that simply being the president can put you above the law. Once again, it isn't a crime if you don't get charged).
Nor was his own party really thrilled with him from the start. The Democrats were having a bitch of a time deciding who to run for president in 1852, and he wasn't even put on the ballot until the 35th vote. Four years later he had done such a deplorable job that he wasn't renominated (a major kick in the teeth), and the major slogan at the convention that year was "Anybody but Pierce," which explains how they ended up with Buchanan. When he found out he didn't win a renomination, he was able to return to doing what he did best and expressed it by saying "There's nothing left to do but to get drunk," which he did posthaste and kept it up for the next 13 years until his death by cirrhosis of the liver, or a stomach explosion, or something.
Nor could he win in his home state of New Hampshire after he moved back there. He was anti-anti-slavery, pro-southern, despised Lincoln, and he let these things be known in no uncertain terms. After Lincoln was killed, he didn't put up a flag for mourning. An angry mob showed up in his front yard and threatened him with some meanness, but Pierce found a flag, waved it around a bit, did some fast talking, and everyone went home without lynching the ex-president. Still, 50 years would pass after Pierce's death before New Hampshire could be bothered to put up a statue of the man. I guess they figured he's probably the only president from their state they're ever going to have, but if they ever elect another, I'm sure they'll tear down the Franklin statue in favor of the noob.
So, did he have no redeeming qualities? Of course he did. Even the worst have a couple of tick marks in the pro column. He was the first president to have a Christmas tree in the White House!
And though it's really a matter of personal taste, he's often rated as our most handsome president. But we should heed Harry Truman's thoughts on the matter: "He's got the best picture in the White House, Franklin Pierce, but being president involves a little bit more than just winning a beauty contest."
Can I get a va-va-va-voom from the House of Reps?
And... Well, I'm afraid there isn't another "and." I even checked Bob Dole's book where he ranks the Presidents' senses of humor, and poor Uncle Frank is at the bottom of that list too in the "The Joke's on Them" chapter. In the bottom three at that! Oh well.
Dammit, there I go again. Let me get started on history, especially the presidents or Civil War, and I get a case of the on-and-ons. Please allow me to start over, and maybe I'll keep the rest of this essay on topic. I can't call it a review since I barely skimmed the book. Also, I'm afraid the rest of this will be an abuse of internet rule 34, so if that's not your thing, please stop reading now, though this next section will be much shorter than the preceding one.
AHEM!
Whoever coined the phrase "Don't judge a book by its cover," or it's title, wasn't just blowing smoke. Cessation of Intercourse with the British Minister is the short title of this dry roll in the hay, but the full title is even more misleading. Cessation of Intercourse with the Envoy Extraordinary and Minister Plenipotentiary of Great Britain evokes images of a ménage-a-trois gone awry, and I'm afraid it will leave you disappointed. The "Envoy Extraordinary and Minister Plenipotentiary" are one person, not two, so you're automatically down to a ménage-a-deux if you're including uncle Frank, and there's nothing kinky about that unless you're a practicing celibate. If you're not including Frank, then it simply means said minister, George Mifflin Dallas, simply stopped screwing himself.
Please believe me when I say there is nothing extraordinary about the envoy (at least not in the couple of pages I read), which might account for the desire for celibacy going forward. I mean, come on, with a name like "Mifflin," wouldn't you expect more? Is it unreasonable to expect extraordinary things from someone so monikered? And right there on page two we have Miffy telling the Secretary of State that he has sent his "number seven to Liverpool to go by the steamer Atlantic." Well, I was certainly hooked. What could a number seven be? It sure sounded exciting. Then there's a Lord Clarendon getting involved with the steamer Asia. Hoooo boy! And there's talk of a "public instrument!" Oh, glory!
Then our own minister to the UK who is none other than James Buchanan gets involved, and we realize we've made a grievous error. (The man just ruins everything, even this potential fuck-rag, and he deserves his place as worst president in my book). It turns out this is about President Pierce getting his panties in a wad over a war or something, and the intercourse referred to in the title is not coitus, but communication. Plain old simple verbal or written communication. There's no smut to be found here.
EPIC FAIL!!!
July 4, 2013
Where is this book? I can't find it all..:(
Displaying 1 - 2 of 2 reviews