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256 pages, Pocket Book
First published January 1, 2020
One afternoon, on my return from school, I saw my father at the kitchen door. He told me that he was going out on an errand, unhurriedly collected his wallet and the picture of his favourite horse, and walked out without looking back. He never returned. Except for his passport, nothing was gone from his drawers. His clothes, pale and discoloured, seemed to have retained only vague and contrasting memories of their owner – just like I had. When Mother understood, on the following day at around midnight, that he would probably not be coming home for dinner, she turned the house upside down. I thought she suspected him of being there, hidden somewhere between the fridge and the stove. Hysterical, and emboldened by her anguish, she shunted all the large furniture from one place to another. I felt I had to how some solidarity and started inspecting small appliances and the tableware. I lifted the teapot, turned back the bed sheets and rugs. I even checked the keyholes, plugholes and flower pots, always coming to the same worrying conclusion. Father was not in the toolbox, nor was he in the laundry basket!
From the marketplace to the corner shop, from the river to the betting shop where she went looking for my father, she would stroll about as round as a barrel, carrying a tiny resident who was completely unaware of the kind of chaos it would be born into. And, in due course, a child fell from their crooked tree.
This drama hammered home just how useless my existence was. So there was nothing to live for, not even my sweet little face and curly hair? I was nothing but a burden? From that point, what makes you carry on is not really any form of desire, but a more basic instinct for life in its humblest sense.
From time to time, I left Salazie to go to Saint-André, or Saint Denis, or more rarely Saint-Paul. But never to Saint-Benoît. It's almost as if the smaller the island is, the more sedentary you become – like Bouchot mussels.