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The Marriage-Go-Round: The State of Marriage and the Family in America Today
From one of the nation’s leading experts on the American family, a book that explores the state of marriage in America today; its evolution culturally; and with regard to religion and the law, how and why the present state of marriage—a merry-go-round of partnerships—developed, and the implications for parents and children.
During Andrew J. Cherlin’s three decades of study and analysis of family life, he came to see that marriage in the United States was different than in other Western countries—Western Europe, Canada, Australia, and New Zealand—in a way that no one was writing about. He realized that marriage in America, unlike in other countries in the world, was seen as a cultural idael, and the U.S. government was spending money to promote its continuation. The institution of marriage had become a social and political battlefield.
Cherlin writes that Americans marry more repeatedly and have more live-in partners; that marriage and remarriage, frequent divorce, and short-term cohabiting relationships have resulted in a core upheaval in American family life; and that American children have been left to cope with the frequent and disruptive comings and goings of parents.
He writes that Americans have come to embrace two contradictory models of personal and family marriage, a formal commitment to share one’s life with another; and individualism, which emphasizes personal growth and development. The former promotes a lasting relationship; the latter encourages one to move on. Each model is culturally reinforced by two basic, powerful religion and law.
Cherlin writes about the inconsistency of American religion and law with regard to family life. He argues that contemporary religion, although supportive of marriage, embraces the quest for self-development. And he makes clear that family law, which used to be centered on marriage, is today focused on the individual and his or her obligations to children.
He discusses the movement and civil struggle for same-sex marriage in America as opposed to in many European countries, where marriage is seen by gay couples as an oppressive heterosexual institution.
A fascinating book that illuminates the shifting nature of America’s oldest and most cherished social institution, the subject of intense and ever-increasing national debate.
During Andrew J. Cherlin’s three decades of study and analysis of family life, he came to see that marriage in the United States was different than in other Western countries—Western Europe, Canada, Australia, and New Zealand—in a way that no one was writing about. He realized that marriage in America, unlike in other countries in the world, was seen as a cultural idael, and the U.S. government was spending money to promote its continuation. The institution of marriage had become a social and political battlefield.
Cherlin writes that Americans marry more repeatedly and have more live-in partners; that marriage and remarriage, frequent divorce, and short-term cohabiting relationships have resulted in a core upheaval in American family life; and that American children have been left to cope with the frequent and disruptive comings and goings of parents.
He writes that Americans have come to embrace two contradictory models of personal and family marriage, a formal commitment to share one’s life with another; and individualism, which emphasizes personal growth and development. The former promotes a lasting relationship; the latter encourages one to move on. Each model is culturally reinforced by two basic, powerful religion and law.
Cherlin writes about the inconsistency of American religion and law with regard to family life. He argues that contemporary religion, although supportive of marriage, embraces the quest for self-development. And he makes clear that family law, which used to be centered on marriage, is today focused on the individual and his or her obligations to children.
He discusses the movement and civil struggle for same-sex marriage in America as opposed to in many European countries, where marriage is seen by gay couples as an oppressive heterosexual institution.
A fascinating book that illuminates the shifting nature of America’s oldest and most cherished social institution, the subject of intense and ever-increasing national debate.
288 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2009
37 people are currently reading
640 people want to read
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June 22, 2014
Recently I had occasion to be in a county tax office and observed several couples there to obtain marriage licenses. After having just finished this book, seeing different couples at different points in their lives caused me to reflect on the researched perspectives on marriage that are discussed in this book. It hasn't been that long since I was in the same position myself, contemplating marriage at a relatively young age to a relatively young bride (relative to current American trends). I believe marriage is a vitally important institution, and so for me spending some time in studying trends and research on the institution of marriage was a valuable activity.
This 2010 book examines "the state of marriage and the family in America today" from a slew of angles, including history, religion, law, race, economics, sociology, education, nationality, mobility, and technology. It is not a same-sex marriage debate, though it touches on that in terms of legal and social changes (up to it's publish date).
Here are some snippets from the book that particularly intrigued me or caught my attention:
"Marriage and cohabiting relationships in the United States are far more fragile than elsewhere."
"Because of these fragile relationships, American children born to married or cohabiting parents are more likely to see their parents' partnership break up than are children in most other countries."
"Children who experience a series of transitions [in parental partnerships] appear to have more difficulties than children raised in stable two-parent families and perhaps even more than children raised in stable lone-parent families. ... Still, we cannot be sure that experiencing parents and partners moving in and out of the house actually causes the difficulties researchers have found in children."
"...the contradictory emphases on marriage and individualism found only in the United States...Americans can draw upon both a cultural model of marriage and a cultural model of individualism."
"Everyone, of course, is aware that these days marriages often end in separation or divorce. Yet most people still think that marriage should last forever and that divorce should be avoided."
"...marriage continues to be the most desired and most prestigious way to have a family."
"I would suggest that the American cultural model of marriage contains the following elements today:
-Marriage is the best way to live one's family life.
-A marriage should be a permanent, loving relationship
-A marriage should be a sexually exclusive relationship
-Divorce should be a last resort"
"Concerning family life, then, the cultural model of individualism in the United States today emphasizes these elements:
-One's primary obligation is to oneself rather than to one's partner and children
-Individuals must make choices over the life course about the kinds of intimate lives they wish to lead
-A variety of living arrangements are acceptable.
-People who are personally dissatisfied with marriages and other intimate partnerships are justified in ending them."
"During the latter half of the twentieth century, the legal status of marriage eroded substantially."
"...family law was transformed in the last third of the twentieth [century] in ways that lessened the legal significance of marriage...and strengthened individual rights."
"If strict religious doctrine encourages "traditional" behavior, Catholics should have a low divorce rate, conservative Protestants should have a moderately low rate, and mainline Protestants should have a substantially higher rate. In fact, the differences in divorce rates among these three groups are minimal. Only Mormon couples have a markedly lower risk of divorce."
"What does make a difference is having any religious affiliation at all...having a religion--any religion--is associated with a lower risk of divorce."
"From an international perspective, however, even Americans who say religion is "very important" have a high divorce rate."
"By the turn of the twenty-first century, then, both family law and religion were more individualistic in nature than they had been a half century earlier."
"...it's also clear that the meaning of marriage has changed. The relationship-based, self-oriented meaning...has become the predominant sentiment."
"Why, then, is marriage still so prevalent? The answer, I suggest, is that although the practical importance of marriage has declined, the symbolic importance has increased...Whereas marriage used to be the foundation of adult family life, now it is often the capstone."
"Marriage, in sum, has not faded away; rather, it has been redefined. It has become the ultimate merit badge--the marriage badge. It shows you have acquired the resources necessary for wedded life: a decent job, a good education, and the ability to attract a partner who is likely to treat you fairly, be loyal, and stay with you indefinitely. But to earn a merit badge, a Boy Scout must show he has gained a practical skill. It's not clear that the marriage badge reflects anything that helps you survive in the woods of adulthood. After all, nearly half of all marriages end in divorce. It's almost as though obtaining the marriage badge has become an end itself. An observer sometimes gets the sense that what matters to some young adults is not so much being married as getting married--that the exercise is more about status than survival. Some people act as though once they can display the badge, they have accomplished their goal. The focus on the wedding is so complete that they sometimes seem unprepared for how to live their married lives after the celebration is over."
"...cultural lag says that people are marrying because they are still following the cultural practices of their parents and grandparents, even though there's no longer a good reason to follow those practices. They don't fully grasp that, because of technological changes such as the birth control pill and legal changes such as the extension of benefits to cohabiting partners, they can obtain most of the benefits previously reserved for married people merely by cohabiting, of even by having children as a single parent."
"But what about divorce? Do areas with lots of new residents have higher rates?...Sure enough...wherever the percentage of new residents was high, so were the number of divorced men...There was one exception...it was Utah. Its counties showed fewer movers, fewer suicides, and fewer divorced men than in all its neighboring states."
"Divorce rates are lower among Mormons than among any other Christian or Jewish religious group."
"The general point is that the movement of unmarried young adults out of the family home--a phenomenon that barely existed a half century ago--may be leading them to form partnerships that have a higher risk of breaking up."
"Living together seems to be emerging as the lifestyle choice for couples in which the men are doing well enough that they can envision marrying someday but not so well that they feel they can marry now."
"Only a minority of cohabiting relationships last long enough to provide a child with a stable home environment until adolescence."
"Among the college-educated, we see a more orderly, predictable sequence of events, one that has fewer changes of partners...It's waiting until they are married to have children that most distinguishes the transition to adulthood for the college-educated...Marriages are much more stable among the college-educated than among the less-educated."
"In addition, children and adolescents must deal with the changes their parents decide to make. Those who experience a series of parental partnerships seem to be more likely to act out, be delinquent, or have a baby."
"The result is that we have sped up the hands on the relationship clock. We have more turbulence in our family lives, more changes of partners and parents, than any other nation. This unprecedented rapidity reflects a cultural contradiction between marriage and individualism that most Americans carry around in their heads. It is as if we each use two lenses to view family life and shift between them unaware, like an automatic camera effortlessly adjusting its focus from close-up to panoramic views of the same scene. One view emphasizes the desirability of marriage and, by extension, stable long-term relationships. The other emphasizes self-development and causes people to end relationships that no longer provide the benefits they think they need. The cycling back and forth we do between these two views whirls the American merry-go-round of partnership after partnership faster than anywhere else in the Western world."
This 2010 book examines "the state of marriage and the family in America today" from a slew of angles, including history, religion, law, race, economics, sociology, education, nationality, mobility, and technology. It is not a same-sex marriage debate, though it touches on that in terms of legal and social changes (up to it's publish date).
Here are some snippets from the book that particularly intrigued me or caught my attention:
"Marriage and cohabiting relationships in the United States are far more fragile than elsewhere."
"Because of these fragile relationships, American children born to married or cohabiting parents are more likely to see their parents' partnership break up than are children in most other countries."
"Children who experience a series of transitions [in parental partnerships] appear to have more difficulties than children raised in stable two-parent families and perhaps even more than children raised in stable lone-parent families. ... Still, we cannot be sure that experiencing parents and partners moving in and out of the house actually causes the difficulties researchers have found in children."
"...the contradictory emphases on marriage and individualism found only in the United States...Americans can draw upon both a cultural model of marriage and a cultural model of individualism."
"Everyone, of course, is aware that these days marriages often end in separation or divorce. Yet most people still think that marriage should last forever and that divorce should be avoided."
"...marriage continues to be the most desired and most prestigious way to have a family."
"I would suggest that the American cultural model of marriage contains the following elements today:
-Marriage is the best way to live one's family life.
-A marriage should be a permanent, loving relationship
-A marriage should be a sexually exclusive relationship
-Divorce should be a last resort"
"Concerning family life, then, the cultural model of individualism in the United States today emphasizes these elements:
-One's primary obligation is to oneself rather than to one's partner and children
-Individuals must make choices over the life course about the kinds of intimate lives they wish to lead
-A variety of living arrangements are acceptable.
-People who are personally dissatisfied with marriages and other intimate partnerships are justified in ending them."
"During the latter half of the twentieth century, the legal status of marriage eroded substantially."
"...family law was transformed in the last third of the twentieth [century] in ways that lessened the legal significance of marriage...and strengthened individual rights."
"If strict religious doctrine encourages "traditional" behavior, Catholics should have a low divorce rate, conservative Protestants should have a moderately low rate, and mainline Protestants should have a substantially higher rate. In fact, the differences in divorce rates among these three groups are minimal. Only Mormon couples have a markedly lower risk of divorce."
"What does make a difference is having any religious affiliation at all...having a religion--any religion--is associated with a lower risk of divorce."
"From an international perspective, however, even Americans who say religion is "very important" have a high divorce rate."
"By the turn of the twenty-first century, then, both family law and religion were more individualistic in nature than they had been a half century earlier."
"...it's also clear that the meaning of marriage has changed. The relationship-based, self-oriented meaning...has become the predominant sentiment."
"Why, then, is marriage still so prevalent? The answer, I suggest, is that although the practical importance of marriage has declined, the symbolic importance has increased...Whereas marriage used to be the foundation of adult family life, now it is often the capstone."
"Marriage, in sum, has not faded away; rather, it has been redefined. It has become the ultimate merit badge--the marriage badge. It shows you have acquired the resources necessary for wedded life: a decent job, a good education, and the ability to attract a partner who is likely to treat you fairly, be loyal, and stay with you indefinitely. But to earn a merit badge, a Boy Scout must show he has gained a practical skill. It's not clear that the marriage badge reflects anything that helps you survive in the woods of adulthood. After all, nearly half of all marriages end in divorce. It's almost as though obtaining the marriage badge has become an end itself. An observer sometimes gets the sense that what matters to some young adults is not so much being married as getting married--that the exercise is more about status than survival. Some people act as though once they can display the badge, they have accomplished their goal. The focus on the wedding is so complete that they sometimes seem unprepared for how to live their married lives after the celebration is over."
"...cultural lag says that people are marrying because they are still following the cultural practices of their parents and grandparents, even though there's no longer a good reason to follow those practices. They don't fully grasp that, because of technological changes such as the birth control pill and legal changes such as the extension of benefits to cohabiting partners, they can obtain most of the benefits previously reserved for married people merely by cohabiting, of even by having children as a single parent."
"But what about divorce? Do areas with lots of new residents have higher rates?...Sure enough...wherever the percentage of new residents was high, so were the number of divorced men...There was one exception...it was Utah. Its counties showed fewer movers, fewer suicides, and fewer divorced men than in all its neighboring states."
"Divorce rates are lower among Mormons than among any other Christian or Jewish religious group."
"The general point is that the movement of unmarried young adults out of the family home--a phenomenon that barely existed a half century ago--may be leading them to form partnerships that have a higher risk of breaking up."
"Living together seems to be emerging as the lifestyle choice for couples in which the men are doing well enough that they can envision marrying someday but not so well that they feel they can marry now."
"Only a minority of cohabiting relationships last long enough to provide a child with a stable home environment until adolescence."
"Among the college-educated, we see a more orderly, predictable sequence of events, one that has fewer changes of partners...It's waiting until they are married to have children that most distinguishes the transition to adulthood for the college-educated...Marriages are much more stable among the college-educated than among the less-educated."
"In addition, children and adolescents must deal with the changes their parents decide to make. Those who experience a series of parental partnerships seem to be more likely to act out, be delinquent, or have a baby."
"The result is that we have sped up the hands on the relationship clock. We have more turbulence in our family lives, more changes of partners and parents, than any other nation. This unprecedented rapidity reflects a cultural contradiction between marriage and individualism that most Americans carry around in their heads. It is as if we each use two lenses to view family life and shift between them unaware, like an automatic camera effortlessly adjusting its focus from close-up to panoramic views of the same scene. One view emphasizes the desirability of marriage and, by extension, stable long-term relationships. The other emphasizes self-development and causes people to end relationships that no longer provide the benefits they think they need. The cycling back and forth we do between these two views whirls the American merry-go-round of partnership after partnership faster than anywhere else in the Western world."
April 29, 2019
A basic overview of American marriage and its current-day contradictions. Nothing groundbreaking or mind-shattering, particularly not for anyone who's grown up in the U.S.
March 17, 2024
don’t know if I would have picked this up if it weren’t for a class but I ended up really enjoying this and finding a lot of truth and interesting observations in this book.
If you want to understand the way family life in America has changed and how it is expected to change this is a great book for that
there are many interesting concepts discussed like:
- does cohabitation before marriage lead to inevitable divorce?
- how has family structure and dynamics changed as women have entered the workforce?
- are women still working the Second shift or are men helping more than ever before?
If you want to understand the way family life in America has changed and how it is expected to change this is a great book for that
there are many interesting concepts discussed like:
- does cohabitation before marriage lead to inevitable divorce?
- how has family structure and dynamics changed as women have entered the workforce?
- are women still working the Second shift or are men helping more than ever before?
June 6, 2012
In this work Andrew Cherlin, a sociologist at Johns Hopkins University, offers an overview of the state of marriage in contemporary American society. He argues that Americans hold two rather unique convictions regarding marriage: 1) they value the institution of marriage and believe it to be an important component of a healthy society and 2) they simultaneously desire autonomy and free choice.
Cherlin believes these two seemingly contradictory convictions account for the fact that Americans enter into marriages and dissolve marriages more frequently than citizens in other developed nations. To support his thesis, he surveys the history of marriage in this country, from the time of the Puritans to today.
While I disagreed with a few of his conclusions at the end, I believe Cherlin's book is a very insightful read. Highly recommended!
Cherlin believes these two seemingly contradictory convictions account for the fact that Americans enter into marriages and dissolve marriages more frequently than citizens in other developed nations. To support his thesis, he surveys the history of marriage in this country, from the time of the Puritans to today.
While I disagreed with a few of his conclusions at the end, I believe Cherlin's book is a very insightful read. Highly recommended!
November 16, 2022
Fair warning that this book is dated in that it doesn’t reflect the SCOTUS ruling that legalized same sex marriages, which shifts some of the discourse here about how those marriages perform without social and legal recognition.
Aide from this, I was fascinated by this book. In my extensive review of Betty Freidan I could never understand why the 1950s were idolized for marital bliss and family cohesion. But Cherlin paints a clear historical account of marriages dating back to 1650 and how America was set apart globally (mostly France and England are compared) for rates of marriage, divorce, and religion. What’s fascinating is the tie between individualism in American’s religiosity and their willingness to move into companionate marriages (my spouse is my lover and friend and soulmate and furthers me as an individual) and away from head of household we’re married to raise kids and pay the bills.
Why is this so important? Well for starters, the feminist movement consistent takes the heat for the “breakdown” of the American family when, it’s evident that history tells a very different story. While male-headed households certainly relied on women to homemake and caretake the children without working outside the home, those marriages were heavily inter-reliant to work. It was only when the emphasis was on self-exploration and personal happiness (for both spouses) did that evolve into both partner’s with enough financial to peace out to their parents if they wanted.
There are racial as well as socioeconomic trends in divorce, and lessened marriages, that are not surprising considering globalization and automation that have far less to do with feminism and a lack of religiosity too, that are fascinating, as well. This book needs an update of the last ten years, but it’s a fantastic historical perspective on some oft repeated (read to say: wrong) facts about marriage, family life, and to whom we can point the blame for both’s decline.
Aide from this, I was fascinated by this book. In my extensive review of Betty Freidan I could never understand why the 1950s were idolized for marital bliss and family cohesion. But Cherlin paints a clear historical account of marriages dating back to 1650 and how America was set apart globally (mostly France and England are compared) for rates of marriage, divorce, and religion. What’s fascinating is the tie between individualism in American’s religiosity and their willingness to move into companionate marriages (my spouse is my lover and friend and soulmate and furthers me as an individual) and away from head of household we’re married to raise kids and pay the bills.
Why is this so important? Well for starters, the feminist movement consistent takes the heat for the “breakdown” of the American family when, it’s evident that history tells a very different story. While male-headed households certainly relied on women to homemake and caretake the children without working outside the home, those marriages were heavily inter-reliant to work. It was only when the emphasis was on self-exploration and personal happiness (for both spouses) did that evolve into both partner’s with enough financial to peace out to their parents if they wanted.
There are racial as well as socioeconomic trends in divorce, and lessened marriages, that are not surprising considering globalization and automation that have far less to do with feminism and a lack of religiosity too, that are fascinating, as well. This book needs an update of the last ten years, but it’s a fantastic historical perspective on some oft repeated (read to say: wrong) facts about marriage, family life, and to whom we can point the blame for both’s decline.
November 21, 2019
The book that I been reading is called “The Marriage-Go-Round” by Andrew J. Cherlin, he explains the differences from marriage and relationship with other countries and compares it to a Western country. Like there are half of first marriage occurred by 21 years old in the Unites States. That is compared to an age of 29 in Italy and France. However, I did find this book very valuable and enjoyable. There has been good topics I can use towards my future career. It has shown very interesting main point, and it give statics towards how many there are parents that been divorce and how the differences of a relationship we have in the society. The strengths of this book give the reader to understand and believe what the author is saying because he provides evidence towards his main argument. Like an example, a father claiming their kids to be his towards an unmarry women. Cherlin provides more example and talk more about it in debate. I’m trying to say that this book gives really good background, and evidence towards the main point that Cherlin wants to provide. The weakness of this book is that sometimes he talks about the difference generation towards the culture and change the setting in a way. Like in one chapter he can talk about 1960 to 2000. So, we can have a better understanding how the world has changed. I personally don’t like that. I do recommend this book to anyone that is majoring in Sociology or marriage and families. I would say any relates subject that goes with this major. I did enjoy it and It made me to want to read more.
April 13, 2020
作者认为文化包括物质文化和symbolic文化，美国的符号文化中有两个显著特征：婚姻文化和个人主义文化。
婚姻文化表现为美国人的结婚率、离婚率、再婚率等都高于其他西方发达国家，意味着美国人经历的亲密关系更多，这对于成年人而言可能是有益的，但是对需要不断适应新的家庭的孩子而言可能坏处高于稳定的单亲家庭。个人主义作者借用了罗伯特·贝拉的分类，认为旧式的个人主义文化是utilitarian个人主义，即奋发向上，努力追求物质成功，也有点类似马克斯·韦伯在《新教伦理》所说的激发资本主义繁荣的努力工作的新教精神；逐渐地，美国人发展出expressive 个人主义，即在意终身的自我发展sense和情感满足，亲密关系不再完全以孩子福祉为中心，而是关注成年人自己在其中得到的reward，问题是当代的邻里和社区纽带弱化，人们nurture这种自我发展和情感的主要场所就是伴侣关系，而现阶段伴侣关系一旦不能满足，人们可能选择结束，并寻求新的伴侣关系。
矛盾的是，调查结果显示美国比其他西欧国家更religious，信教、参与教会活动的美国人比其他欧洲国家更多，为什么religious的美国反而高结婚率、高离婚率？作者认为除了个人主义文化，美国的宗教和法律本身也鼓励了这种婚姻文化。许多欧洲国家有官方的宗教，而美国宗教则是百花齐放，百家争鸣，竞争使得各宗教与时俱进吸引信徒，加上美国的许多教派源自欧洲宗教改革时期支持信教的流亡者，他们主张个人与上帝的直接对话，虽然不鼓励离婚，但是传递的思想是上帝是宽恕仁爱的，离婚后教会会提供帮助，所以离婚不算什么；但是宗教鼓励结婚的思想也让离异者尽快步入下一段婚姻。
美国的家庭法律从一开始也比欧洲的更加宽松，离婚更容易。但是美国人并非传统，而是保守，比如同性恋婚姻在政治议题争斗中占据了很长时间，而欧洲因为生育率下降更关注的怎么给同性恋家庭孩子抚养提供支持的问题，并不是像美国这样长久争论同性恋结婚的合理性问题。
美国的婚姻、家庭变迁在底层更显著，反而是受过高等教育的中产阶层近几十年变动没有那么大，他们仍然更可能先结婚后生孩子，婚姻相对更稳定，当然比欧洲同等群体经历的伴侣关系还是要更多。
最后，作者认为要想对孩子好，鼓励成年人结婚的信号不是最适合的，尤其是经济条件不好的阶层，应当slow down，慢慢寻找下一段伴侣关系，而为了给与他们支持，应当多给单亲家庭更多的支持。
婚姻文化表现为美国人的结婚率、离婚率、再婚率等都高于其他西方发达国家，意味着美国人经历的亲密关系更多，这对于成年人而言可能是有益的，但是对需要不断适应新的家庭的孩子而言可能坏处高于稳定的单亲家庭。个人主义作者借用了罗伯特·贝拉的分类，认为旧式的个人主义文化是utilitarian个人主义，即奋发向上，努力追求物质成功，也有点类似马克斯·韦伯在《新教伦理》所说的激发资本主义繁荣的努力工作的新教精神；逐渐地，美国人发展出expressive 个人主义，即在意终身的自我发展sense和情感满足，亲密关系不再完全以孩子福祉为中心，而是关注成年人自己在其中得到的reward，问题是当代的邻里和社区纽带弱化，人们nurture这种自我发展和情感的主要场所就是伴侣关系，而现阶段伴侣关系一旦不能满足，人们可能选择结束，并寻求新的伴侣关系。
矛盾的是，调查结果显示美国比其他西欧国家更religious，信教、参与教会活动的美国人比其他欧洲国家更多，为什么religious的美国反而高结婚率、高离婚率？作者认为除了个人主义文化，美国的宗教和法律本身也鼓励了这种婚姻文化。许多欧洲国家有官方的宗教，而美国宗教则是百花齐放，百家争鸣，竞争使得各宗教与时俱进吸引信徒，加上美国的许多教派源自欧洲宗教改革时期支持信教的流亡者，他们主张个人与上帝的直接对话，虽然不鼓励离婚，但是传递的思想是上帝是宽恕仁爱的，离婚后教会会提供帮助，所以离婚不算什么；但是宗教鼓励结婚的思想也让离异者尽快步入下一段婚姻。
美国的家庭法律从一开始也比欧洲的更加宽松，离婚更容易。但是美国人并非传统，而是保守，比如同性恋婚姻在政治议题争斗中占据了很长时间，而欧洲因为生育率下降更关注的怎么给同性恋家庭孩子抚养提供支持的问题，并不是像美国这样长久争论同性恋结婚的合理性问题。
美国的婚姻、家庭变迁在底层更显著，反而是受过高等教育的中产阶层近几十年变动没有那么大，他们仍然更可能先结婚后生孩子，婚姻相对更稳定，当然比欧洲同等群体经历的伴侣关系还是要更多。
最后，作者认为要想对孩子好，鼓励成年人结婚的信号不是最适合的，尤其是经济条件不好的阶层，应当slow down，慢慢寻找下一段伴侣关系，而为了给与他们支持，应当多给单亲家庭更多的支持。
March 29, 2023
My second time reading through this book, and it didn’t leave me extremely moved. But the information seems a bit easier to grasp than when I read it in college.
The topic of marriage continues to change, even in the short time since Cherlin wrote the book, so for that it seems almost mundane. I did enjoy the history of marriage since that information can’t change, but it still influences marriage all around the world and the US
My biggest takeaway is not the politics or the sociology but the anthropology. As the US grew and diversified its population the comparing marriage philosophies diverges further.
The topic of marriage continues to change, even in the short time since Cherlin wrote the book, so for that it seems almost mundane. I did enjoy the history of marriage since that information can’t change, but it still influences marriage all around the world and the US
My biggest takeaway is not the politics or the sociology but the anthropology. As the US grew and diversified its population the comparing marriage philosophies diverges further.
December 4, 2017
Book used in my Sociology of the Family class. Kept a neutral perspective as it discussed why marriage is considered so important in the United States despite the contradictory social support of divorce and religion. Much better than a textbook.
March 22, 2022
Fascinating look into American marriage, divorce, and relationships. He helps explain the steep rise in cohabitation and divorce, as well as some of the consequences. I’m curious to see where the research sits now, 13 years after this book was published.
October 31, 2018
Tough read because it was light on narrative and heavy on descriptive statistics. Fair conclusions that agree with my experience as an American.
August 4, 2019
I read this as part of a Marriage and Family course I took at BYU. Great book. As marriage is less and less valued in our society, it makes a strong case for why marriage is good for society.
January 15, 2021
Hopeful!
April 1, 2023
so boring. legit every single chapter made the same points. i cant believe i have to read so many damn books about marriage this semester
February 12, 2024
Had to read for class 😅
March 11, 2024
Now I’m even more scared of marriage lol
March 16, 2013
Anyhow, I am on page 129. He just described how in europe governments
and people are skittish about giving gay and lesbian couples
reproductive rights (artificial incemination, surrogacy) while
americans are being rather liberal on that account. In
Britain/France/Norway/Switcerland there are laws against assisting gay
or even umarried women with artificial incemination. This kind of
refreshing with us constantly talking about americans being socially
backward and reactionary.
Then, Churlin talks about British (the closest to the US european
state with respect to family policy) politicians debating measures of
keeping the children's parents together for the children's
wellbeing. Which sounds somewhat constructive compared to, Bush's
Healthy Marriage Initiative.
I picked him up again. On page 157. Chapter 6 is on relation of the
movement of the population and divorce rates. Interesting stats and
explanation. Counties with higher percentage of people that move
in (Florida and Western States sans Mormon-Utah) have higher the
divorce and suicide rates: people have weaker community ties. Emile
Durkheim is invoked. He then goes for about 10 pages about the "go
west, young man" american migration mentality. The discussion goes
nowhere.
Okay, I could not sleep so I finished Churlin. The penultimate chapter
- class analysis is the most interesting. Churlin apologizes for half
a page that he had to consider class. Most probably because it
undermines his whole thesis. The marriage behavior varies
significantly by income level (he uses college education instead) and
recent changes in marriages and cohabitation are explained well by
people's economic circumstance. Decline in blue-collar work led to the
rise in co-habitation and fragility of marriages while promoting
having a baby as the only reward and fulfillment available to
uneducated women.
Some of the figures he provides. The number of women who become single
mothers during their mid-twenties to mid-thirties did not change for
college educated whites since 1965 and for college educated blacks
since 1980 (where it probably became a guarantee of stable income)
while it more than doubled for women with high-school diploma or
less. The probability that the first marriage ends in divorce for a
woman without high school diploma and with college degree is 34% and
13% respectively.
33% of people without high-school diploma will divorce or separate
within five years. 60% will eventually do so.
Race is a stand-in for economy. Only two out of three black women will
marry and 70% of their marriages will end in divorce or separation
(47% among whites)
divorce rate among the college educated actually declined since
1990ies.
The last chapter is mostly the Venkatesh-like repetition of the rest
of the book. Occasional silliness is mixed in. Churlin demonstrates
the failure of government and societal policies of pressuring people
to marry. He suggestion changing the slogan to "slow down" and take
your time selecting the partner. So, one failed idealistic policy
should be changed to another.
and people are skittish about giving gay and lesbian couples
reproductive rights (artificial incemination, surrogacy) while
americans are being rather liberal on that account. In
Britain/France/Norway/Switcerland there are laws against assisting gay
or even umarried women with artificial incemination. This kind of
refreshing with us constantly talking about americans being socially
backward and reactionary.
Then, Churlin talks about British (the closest to the US european
state with respect to family policy) politicians debating measures of
keeping the children's parents together for the children's
wellbeing. Which sounds somewhat constructive compared to, Bush's
Healthy Marriage Initiative.
I picked him up again. On page 157. Chapter 6 is on relation of the
movement of the population and divorce rates. Interesting stats and
explanation. Counties with higher percentage of people that move
in (Florida and Western States sans Mormon-Utah) have higher the
divorce and suicide rates: people have weaker community ties. Emile
Durkheim is invoked. He then goes for about 10 pages about the "go
west, young man" american migration mentality. The discussion goes
nowhere.
Okay, I could not sleep so I finished Churlin. The penultimate chapter
- class analysis is the most interesting. Churlin apologizes for half
a page that he had to consider class. Most probably because it
undermines his whole thesis. The marriage behavior varies
significantly by income level (he uses college education instead) and
recent changes in marriages and cohabitation are explained well by
people's economic circumstance. Decline in blue-collar work led to the
rise in co-habitation and fragility of marriages while promoting
having a baby as the only reward and fulfillment available to
uneducated women.
Some of the figures he provides. The number of women who become single
mothers during their mid-twenties to mid-thirties did not change for
college educated whites since 1965 and for college educated blacks
since 1980 (where it probably became a guarantee of stable income)
while it more than doubled for women with high-school diploma or
less. The probability that the first marriage ends in divorce for a
woman without high school diploma and with college degree is 34% and
13% respectively.
33% of people without high-school diploma will divorce or separate
within five years. 60% will eventually do so.
Race is a stand-in for economy. Only two out of three black women will
marry and 70% of their marriages will end in divorce or separation
(47% among whites)
divorce rate among the college educated actually declined since
1990ies.
The last chapter is mostly the Venkatesh-like repetition of the rest
of the book. Occasional silliness is mixed in. Churlin demonstrates
the failure of government and societal policies of pressuring people
to marry. He suggestion changing the slogan to "slow down" and take
your time selecting the partner. So, one failed idealistic policy
should be changed to another.
October 2, 2013
After reading Premarital Sex in America I see that Cherlin only showed us the tip of the iceburg as to the real WHY of Americans marrying too much. I feel he was too quick to lay all the blame of cohabitation, multiple partners, marriage, divorce and re-marriage on women. As if men have no choice but to move in with the marriage-resistant woman. The best chapter is the last one-SLOW DOWN-the only sane words of medicine for our sick patient.
I'm a never married woman. I have no kids. I did more than choose Cherlin's SLOW DOWN option, I committed the social suicide sin of chosing ABSTINANCE! As punisment, I realize I condemned myself to over fifteen years of navigating the lonley life in the frustrating single's scene, but that's a sight better than subjecting my future kids to the abuse and trauma that a cohabitating relationship might bring. I don't want to sound concieted but if more Americans followed my example, perhaps a book like this would be questioning the WHY of celibate America.
The reason I'm not married is because the market of marriageable men is more than just bad, it's a major epidemic that no one wants to talk about. Andrew Cherlin comes close in his book and I appreciated that but I wish he'd had the wisdom to address the real WHY America will never return to the Pax Americana of Breadwinner/Homemaker marriages. Women cohabitate because men aren't following the old life-script anymore: dating > courtship > marriage and if you think American women aren't YEARNING for a return to that old, outdated life-script, just remember the Twilight phenomenon!
Perhaps Cherlin will address these issues in a future book The Changing Life-Script of America: the absence of patriarchy and the state of the American woman
I'm a never married woman. I have no kids. I did more than choose Cherlin's SLOW DOWN option, I committed the social suicide sin of chosing ABSTINANCE! As punisment, I realize I condemned myself to over fifteen years of navigating the lonley life in the frustrating single's scene, but that's a sight better than subjecting my future kids to the abuse and trauma that a cohabitating relationship might bring. I don't want to sound concieted but if more Americans followed my example, perhaps a book like this would be questioning the WHY of celibate America.
The reason I'm not married is because the market of marriageable men is more than just bad, it's a major epidemic that no one wants to talk about. Andrew Cherlin comes close in his book and I appreciated that but I wish he'd had the wisdom to address the real WHY America will never return to the Pax Americana of Breadwinner/Homemaker marriages. Women cohabitate because men aren't following the old life-script anymore: dating > courtship > marriage and if you think American women aren't YEARNING for a return to that old, outdated life-script, just remember the Twilight phenomenon!
Perhaps Cherlin will address these issues in a future book The Changing Life-Script of America: the absence of patriarchy and the state of the American woman
July 16, 2009
Researcher and sociologist Cherlin has discovered that Americans marry and divorce at higher rates than anywhere else. Likewide, no country promotes marriage like the U.S., nor is same-sex marriage as much of a political powderkeg as here. Contributing to marital instability is the fact that cohabitation rates in the U.S. are shorter than elsewhere.
Cherlin traces the history of marriage in America, showing the unique forces that have led to today's dilemma: a free-market approach to life that has resulted in a belief that fulfilling personal desires are the most important thing in life. Individualism trumps spirituality for many people. The 1950s were the golden age for marriage, as couples sought stability after the Great Depression and World War II. Cohabitation became a force in the 1970s that only increases today.
The book contains interesting stories. For instance, Margaret Sanger advocated the legalization of the birth control pill to benefit married partners, but in reality it gave license to unmarried people to have sex. Cherlin also raises interesting questions. Is the mobility of Americans a contributing factor to divorce?
Still, 90 percent of Americans get married at some point. Those most likely to stay married are those with a college education.
Cherlin traces the history of marriage in America, showing the unique forces that have led to today's dilemma: a free-market approach to life that has resulted in a belief that fulfilling personal desires are the most important thing in life. Individualism trumps spirituality for many people. The 1950s were the golden age for marriage, as couples sought stability after the Great Depression and World War II. Cohabitation became a force in the 1970s that only increases today.
The book contains interesting stories. For instance, Margaret Sanger advocated the legalization of the birth control pill to benefit married partners, but in reality it gave license to unmarried people to have sex. Cherlin also raises interesting questions. Is the mobility of Americans a contributing factor to divorce?
Still, 90 percent of Americans get married at some point. Those most likely to stay married are those with a college education.
December 19, 2009
This was a very interesting study on marriage in the U.S. historically and today. The author makes comparisons with European countries. Americans seem to hold two somewhat contradictory values very dear, often not realizing how they can conflict. One is the importance of marriage. The other is the importance of independence and self-fulfillment. As family and institutional supports for marriage have fallen away and people are more mobile, they tend to leave marriages if they feel personally unsatisfied in some way. But because marriage is such a high value, people seek new relationships much more quickly than in other countries. A significant problem is the upheaval children encounter. The research the author cites says stability is often more important in children's development than family makeup. Mormons are mentioned several times as being outliers, having fewer divorces. Being a Mormon I conjecture that our higher value on family togetherness + extensive preparation both boys/men and girls/women engage in on how to achieve family happiness while still allowing for individual development might account for that.
July 13, 2013
The biggest idea I took from this book is that Americans tend to rush into relationships--cohabiting and marriage--more quickly than people in other developed nations. They also rush out of them quickly when things don't seem to be working out, and all this churn is bad for kids. The author suggests that we slow down, and that a stable single parent household will be better for kids in the long run than one where the parent has a series of partners that rotate in and out, disrupting family routines and pulling the parent's attention from the kids.
This isn't the usual advice I've heard for single parents, but it certainly sounds sensible to take your time and make sure a relationship is going to be lasting before you take big steps with regards to your kids.
This isn't the usual advice I've heard for single parents, but it certainly sounds sensible to take your time and make sure a relationship is going to be lasting before you take big steps with regards to your kids.
November 18, 2009
Cherlin says there are far more marriages and divorces in the U.S. than in the rest of the developed world. He attributes this to two conflicting ideas in American thought: the importance/desirability of marriage, and its seeming opposite, individualism. He says Americans aren't even divided into two camps -- it's more that the same conflicting ideas coexist in each of our brains. It's too late at night for me to make much sense, so I'll just say that if you're interested in sociology and marriage/family issues, this is a good read. It's more of a thoughtful investigation and analysis of WHY things are the way they are; it's not so much a screed or diatribe about how things SHOULD be.
July 4, 2012
An interesting look at the great contradictions that have been prevalent throughout all of America's history between the cultural models of marriage and individualism, and how these contradictory views keep the "marriage-go-round" turning. It got me thinking about a lot of things I wouldn't have previously as deeply considered, though I do wish there was more of a "call to action" at the book's conclusion; it largely leaves it up to the reader what is best (the closest thing would be the suggestion slow down, which I absolutely agree with). Worth a read if you're curious about some of the things that sets our nation apart in the realm of relationships.
February 18, 2013
I technically read this book for my Sociology of the Family class, but it was definitely a book I would have read without the class. I liked it a fair amount. I thought it was a compelling argument for the state of marriage in the United States as it oddly intersects with our crazy religious but high divorcing culture. Also it refrained from doing what a lot of other books on the subject do, which is primarily blame women for wanting to be full partners in a marriage and have access to reliable birth control. Especially compelling was his argument that the 1950s family comes out of a very specific set of social circumstances, which we are not likely to come across again.
September 21, 2009
I think it's really 3 1/2 stars. It was interesting up until the last chapter, after which reading I felt like the author had been exploiting me to make a buck- he was trying to write something that would be popular and so he saved all the stuff that would make me realize that there wasn't much to learn for the last chapter. Blah. But all the things he did talk about have really changed the way that I see marriage around me, so I guess it must have been a pretty engaging book. I have recommended it to other people, so I'm recommending it here.
January 7, 2014
Thoroughly researched, well reasoned and very readable. Discusses the somewhat contradictory beliefs in the importance of both marriage and self-determination/independence held by many Americans. Examines historical and current influences on marriage.
Surprised to see that NZ has a higher rate than the US of kids experiencing the break-up of their parents' relationship. 42%! I know hardly any NZ parents my own age who are divorced - just a handful of folks in their fifties and sixties. Possibly because at least half the parents I know would be Catholic?
Surprised to see that NZ has a higher rate than the US of kids experiencing the break-up of their parents' relationship. 42%! I know hardly any NZ parents my own age who are divorced - just a handful of folks in their fifties and sixties. Possibly because at least half the parents I know would be Catholic?
August 8, 2009
This book provides a good overview of the history of marriage, statistics about marriage and divorce, and the impact of family instability on children. Most interesting was the difference between marriage in the United States and other countries. I appreciated that the author based his writing on statistics and hard evidence and the information he provides is sometimes surprising and always enlightening.
November 20, 2011
A fascinating social history of marriage (and divorce) in the United State written by the head of the Sociology Department at Johns Hopkins University. Filled with counter-intuitive facts, the book takes the reader on a fascinating journey through the various historical "meanings" of marriage. In the end the book will make you question what exactly marriage means to you as an individual. I highly recommend.
April 21, 2013
I thought this was terrific. I'm not going to bother to summarize Cherlin's thesis, but I thought he was very successful at integrating and explaining a lot of information. He also did a very admirable job of starting with the data and following where it pointed instead of trying to shape the data to fit a predetermined end. No matter what your expectations and beliefs about marriage, you will learn something from this book and you will be surprised about what our behaviors actually reveal.
June 1, 2011
It was very interesting to read about how other countries view marriage differently. I'd wondered about how other countries passed civil partnership laws, and it's because their views about marriage are so different. We are the only country that pushes marriage. Other countries are mostly concerned with how parent partnerships affect children.
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