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Different, Not Less: A neurodivergent's guide to embracing your true self and finding your happily ever after
An empowering lived-experience guide to celebrating and supporting neurodivergence from 24-year-old actor, social media star and advocate Chloé Hayden.
Growing up, Chloé Hayden felt like she'd crash-landed on an alien planet where nothing made sense. Eye contact? Small talk? And WHY are you people so touch oriented? She moved between 10 schools in 8 years, struggling to become a person she believed society would accept, and was eventually diagnosed with autism and ADHD. It was only after a life-changing group of allies showed her that different did not mean less that she learned to celebrate her true voice and find her happily ever after.
Different, Not Less is a moving, at times funny story of how it feels to be neurodivergent as well as a practical guide, with insights on how autism and ADHD present differently in females, advice for living with meltdowns and shutdowns, tips for finding supportive relationships, communities and workplaces and much more.
Whether you're neurodivergent or supporting those who are, Different, Not Less will inspire you to create a more inclusive world where everyone feels like they belong.
Growing up, Chloé Hayden felt like she'd crash-landed on an alien planet where nothing made sense. Eye contact? Small talk? And WHY are you people so touch oriented? She moved between 10 schools in 8 years, struggling to become a person she believed society would accept, and was eventually diagnosed with autism and ADHD. It was only after a life-changing group of allies showed her that different did not mean less that she learned to celebrate her true voice and find her happily ever after.
Different, Not Less is a moving, at times funny story of how it feels to be neurodivergent as well as a practical guide, with insights on how autism and ADHD present differently in females, advice for living with meltdowns and shutdowns, tips for finding supportive relationships, communities and workplaces and much more.
Whether you're neurodivergent or supporting those who are, Different, Not Less will inspire you to create a more inclusive world where everyone feels like they belong.
278 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2022
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 777 reviews
August 30, 2023
Some parts were extremely relatable to me, but others were incredibly alienating. It was clear to me throughout the entire book that Hayden comes from a background of immense privilege - she has always had access to people who support her and to the financial resources necessary to access supports and opportunities (a large supportive family, a full suite of medical testing, horse riding, surfing, overseas travel, private schools and home schooling, etc.). This made a lot of her advice and suggestions utterly useless to me, as they were mostly based on having supportive people around you or the money to be able to get to support groups and participate in hobby groups. Her unrelenting positivity regarding the future felt a bit like being kicked while you're down when she failed to acknowledge how her privileges have made her success possible/accessible in the first place.
September 8, 2022
Growing up neurodivergent (diagnosed with autism at 3 and ADHD at 15), I was constantly searching for books about people like me in the hopes of grasping some sort of idea as to what was going on inside my little brain. Unfortunately the only books I could find were either overly complicated scientific books, written by people who were neurotypical and had little to no interactions with people who lived with the so called diseased they depicted in their books, or books that were about long gone geniuses who historians think might have had autism. These books told me that my symptoms weren't "right" due to me being biologically female, leading me to constantly feel like an outcast, and an alien.
Reading Different, Not Less brought me a sense of reassurance that there was a place for me in this world, that I would find my happily ever after. Whilst I was not able to relate to every single experience of Chloé, I was able to see myself in her, a little girl afraid to tell people who she was in fear that they would reject me, seeing me only for my diagnosis.
This book highlights both the ups and downs of being neurodivergent whilst providing evidence and resources for both neurodivergent and neurotypical individuals to try and make living in this ever expanding universe a little easier.
Whether you or someone you know is neurodivergent, or neither and you simply want to better yourself by being educated by someone who ACTUALLY has firsthand experience with being neurodivergent, this is the book for you.
Please for the love of all things, good and holy, read this book.
Reading Different, Not Less brought me a sense of reassurance that there was a place for me in this world, that I would find my happily ever after. Whilst I was not able to relate to every single experience of Chloé, I was able to see myself in her, a little girl afraid to tell people who she was in fear that they would reject me, seeing me only for my diagnosis.
This book highlights both the ups and downs of being neurodivergent whilst providing evidence and resources for both neurodivergent and neurotypical individuals to try and make living in this ever expanding universe a little easier.
Whether you or someone you know is neurodivergent, or neither and you simply want to better yourself by being educated by someone who ACTUALLY has firsthand experience with being neurodivergent, this is the book for you.
Please for the love of all things, good and holy, read this book.
December 20, 2022
A lot of interesting information, I definitely learned something new. I just found it slightly repetitive.
September 4, 2022
This is a memoir about growing up with autism and ADHD and is a first hand insight into what it means to be neurodivergent (having a brain that isn’t typical). There are plenty of books about autism but very few actually written by neurodivergent folk.
It had me laughing, and almost crying in parts. I wanted to give Chloe the biggest hug because so many of the experiences she had were ones I could relate to. I’m 25 years old and am only now discovering that I may be neurodivergent. But you don’t need to be, to enjoy this. If you want to read about what it is like to be disabled in a world full of ableism then please do yourself a favour and pick this up.
The chapters are short and full of references to Disney movies and things like finding your ‘eye sparkle’.
Chloe highlights some of the positives of being different and conveys that it isn’t a bad thing.
January 27, 2023
I just finished listening to this and, whilst it was an enjoyable enough listen - this might be the most Gen-Z book I've ever engaged with.
Whilst a lot of the content was applicable to any neurodivergent person, or those wanting to support the neurodivergent people in their lives - most of it was very specifically written by someone in their early 20's for others of a similar age or somewhat younger. I felt that way, anyway. As someone navigating parenting as a neurodivergent adult in her mid 30s for example, I found that there was a lot in here that just didn't work for me, and that's OK, because I wouldn't want someone over a decade younger than me with no children giving me parenting advice. I realised whilst listening to this that I need books about being neurodivergent and old.
The areas of life in which I have the highest support needs - parenting and "running a home" (whatever that means) - aren't mentioned. Alas, I have many a podcast presented by neurodivergent millennials to fall back on here.
Also, I'm not a Disney person. Not like, in a big way, like some people are Disney people. This book is written by a Disney person and for me, the constant references to Disney characters as a tool for illustrating points about neurodivergent experience - was beyond jarring. That's not me shaming anyone for what they love - I just *don't* relate to the genie from Aladdin in a very significant way, nor do I necessarily agree that Rafiki in The Lion King is coded as having ADHD.
The book does tend to focus more on ASD than other forms of neurodivergence. As someone with ADHD, a lot seemed relevant to me (and the author is diagnosed with both ASD and ADHD) but I'm not sure how relatable a majority of this would be to, say, someone with a personality disorder, or a dyslexic person.
I wouldn't recommend this to neurodivergent friends my own age *but*, if there were a neurodivergent teen or younger person in my life who loved books, I'd happily gift them this - especially an autistic young woman - I found the mentions of menstruation and hormones and how these effect autistic people to be really interesting.
Whilst a lot of the content was applicable to any neurodivergent person, or those wanting to support the neurodivergent people in their lives - most of it was very specifically written by someone in their early 20's for others of a similar age or somewhat younger. I felt that way, anyway. As someone navigating parenting as a neurodivergent adult in her mid 30s for example, I found that there was a lot in here that just didn't work for me, and that's OK, because I wouldn't want someone over a decade younger than me with no children giving me parenting advice. I realised whilst listening to this that I need books about being neurodivergent and old.
The areas of life in which I have the highest support needs - parenting and "running a home" (whatever that means) - aren't mentioned. Alas, I have many a podcast presented by neurodivergent millennials to fall back on here.
Also, I'm not a Disney person. Not like, in a big way, like some people are Disney people. This book is written by a Disney person and for me, the constant references to Disney characters as a tool for illustrating points about neurodivergent experience - was beyond jarring. That's not me shaming anyone for what they love - I just *don't* relate to the genie from Aladdin in a very significant way, nor do I necessarily agree that Rafiki in The Lion King is coded as having ADHD.
The book does tend to focus more on ASD than other forms of neurodivergence. As someone with ADHD, a lot seemed relevant to me (and the author is diagnosed with both ASD and ADHD) but I'm not sure how relatable a majority of this would be to, say, someone with a personality disorder, or a dyslexic person.
I wouldn't recommend this to neurodivergent friends my own age *but*, if there were a neurodivergent teen or younger person in my life who loved books, I'd happily gift them this - especially an autistic young woman - I found the mentions of menstruation and hormones and how these effect autistic people to be really interesting.
September 8, 2022
This book had me crying, laughing, and staring at the wall for hours. This is a book to change lives, to inspire and has completely altered the way I see myself and my neurodivergence.
By writing this book, by sharing her story, Chloé has helped me to accept myself as I am, and to realise that my neurodivergence doesn't make me unworthy of a happily ever after. It's just who I am, and it's beautiful.
And I am so, so grateful for that.
By writing this book, by sharing her story, Chloé has helped me to accept myself as I am, and to realise that my neurodivergence doesn't make me unworthy of a happily ever after. It's just who I am, and it's beautiful.
And I am so, so grateful for that.
January 5, 2023
Listen, I almost made it through this entire book without getting emotional. Talk of discrimination, feeling isolated and like you don't belong on this planet, bullying, sexual abuse & PTSD, eating disorders, I made it though all of this with the kind of cold realism and acceptance that this is just what life is for people like us.
Chloe's sense of optimism combined with her no-nonsense ability to call out people, companies, or the world itself for being unjust is undeniably infectious. When I first got diagnosed, I found her YouTube channel and I thought "FINALLY, someone who is autistic in the same way I am autistic" and it made me much more comfortable accepting my diagnosis. I've even had friends of mine watch her videos and TikToks of her openly stimming while seeing sharks and say things like "I'm not saying that you two are the same person, I'm just saying we haven't ever seen the two of you in the same room."
So it surprised me more than anything, despite how gifted a writer Chloe is, when the thing that finally got me while reading this book wasn't even something Chloe herself wrote, it was the short page-and-a-half insert written by her then partner, now fiance (congratulations to them) explaining what it's like being a neurotypical person dating a neurodivergent one and all the reasons he loved her. That's truly what got me because it reminded me that somewhere out there are people who WILL meet you where you are, who WILL do the research to understand you, and who WILL love you, not in spite of some of these traits, but BECAUSE of them. Reading that small, blink-and-you'll-miss-it excerpt gave me a quite frankly dangerous amount of hope.
In the same way that I found Chloe's channel when I needed it most, my greatest hope is that someone will find this book at any stage in their diagnostic journey, and feel the same sense of acceptance and relief I did. Or, that someone like me, who has already been diagnosed, will pick up this book and find all the reminders they need to navigate the world with their head held high: you are different, and you have the right to demand and expect more instead of settling for less.
Chloe's sense of optimism combined with her no-nonsense ability to call out people, companies, or the world itself for being unjust is undeniably infectious. When I first got diagnosed, I found her YouTube channel and I thought "FINALLY, someone who is autistic in the same way I am autistic" and it made me much more comfortable accepting my diagnosis. I've even had friends of mine watch her videos and TikToks of her openly stimming while seeing sharks and say things like "I'm not saying that you two are the same person, I'm just saying we haven't ever seen the two of you in the same room."
So it surprised me more than anything, despite how gifted a writer Chloe is, when the thing that finally got me while reading this book wasn't even something Chloe herself wrote, it was the short page-and-a-half insert written by her then partner, now fiance (congratulations to them) explaining what it's like being a neurotypical person dating a neurodivergent one and all the reasons he loved her. That's truly what got me because it reminded me that somewhere out there are people who WILL meet you where you are, who WILL do the research to understand you, and who WILL love you, not in spite of some of these traits, but BECAUSE of them. Reading that small, blink-and-you'll-miss-it excerpt gave me a quite frankly dangerous amount of hope.
In the same way that I found Chloe's channel when I needed it most, my greatest hope is that someone will find this book at any stage in their diagnostic journey, and feel the same sense of acceptance and relief I did. Or, that someone like me, who has already been diagnosed, will pick up this book and find all the reminders they need to navigate the world with their head held high: you are different, and you have the right to demand and expect more instead of settling for less.
March 29, 2024
i need to preface this entire review by saying i love chloe hayden!!! ive been following her online since 2020, and i adore what shes done for the autistic community & in general her attitude to life!!! i also need to note that i am also autistic, so my experience reading this book may be vastly different to someone neurotypical reading this book, but obv i don't speak for other autistics' opinion on this book.
now, i wish i could say i liked this more.
2 stars seems incredibly harsh but it feels a bit wrong for me to bump it up a star as i didn't enjoy reading this if im honest, it began to feel like a chore. and i think that might be due to the fact im autistic.
i found this book to be quite educational, and honestly, this is my bad but i thought this was moreso a memoir rather than a self-help book, so my expectations were shot going into this ill admit. but i don't know hearing about how shit my life and the lives of other autistics' are was upsetting! i don't say this as a bad thing, i say this purely to explain my rating.
i think this was a beautiful book and honestly i would recommend this to everyone i know ever. but, for me it was not a good fit, a) because i know a lot about autism simply because psychology is my special interest, and b) it made me feel bad for myself? i don't doubt this was NOT hayden's intention, but seeing her succeed in life kinda idk.... made me sad i didn't get any support for my autism as a kid! sure maybe i masked too much so i fell through the cracks, but i kind of felt like "oh, this is what my life could've been like if i got support! yeah sure i'd still be autistic but hey at least i would be able to cope better and idk experience more of life" whilst reading this. i wouldn't even call it jealousy or envy, i would say it was eye-opening in ways i wish it wasn't.
this review is nothing negative on hayden's book. i love chloe and she could do (almost) no wrong in my eyes. she is my aspiration in life. but i don't know this book put a lot in perspective for me that kind of made me depressed.
also, this is solely because im a dumbass, but i went in expecting more memoir aspects, and i was disappointed it was more a self-help book. like when chloe was talking about her experience at the titanic museums i was enjoying it quite a lot! i think the self-help aspect caused a lot of introspection i wasn't ready and looking for, which i think is the whole reason my enjoyment level was so low.
yet again i do like this book i just didn't have a good time 💔
chloe hayden if you somehow see this i did love this book i am so sorry
now, i wish i could say i liked this more.
2 stars seems incredibly harsh but it feels a bit wrong for me to bump it up a star as i didn't enjoy reading this if im honest, it began to feel like a chore. and i think that might be due to the fact im autistic.
i found this book to be quite educational, and honestly, this is my bad but i thought this was moreso a memoir rather than a self-help book, so my expectations were shot going into this ill admit. but i don't know hearing about how shit my life and the lives of other autistics' are was upsetting! i don't say this as a bad thing, i say this purely to explain my rating.
i think this was a beautiful book and honestly i would recommend this to everyone i know ever. but, for me it was not a good fit, a) because i know a lot about autism simply because psychology is my special interest, and b) it made me feel bad for myself? i don't doubt this was NOT hayden's intention, but seeing her succeed in life kinda idk.... made me sad i didn't get any support for my autism as a kid! sure maybe i masked too much so i fell through the cracks, but i kind of felt like "oh, this is what my life could've been like if i got support! yeah sure i'd still be autistic but hey at least i would be able to cope better and idk experience more of life" whilst reading this. i wouldn't even call it jealousy or envy, i would say it was eye-opening in ways i wish it wasn't.
this review is nothing negative on hayden's book. i love chloe and she could do (almost) no wrong in my eyes. she is my aspiration in life. but i don't know this book put a lot in perspective for me that kind of made me depressed.
also, this is solely because im a dumbass, but i went in expecting more memoir aspects, and i was disappointed it was more a self-help book. like when chloe was talking about her experience at the titanic museums i was enjoying it quite a lot! i think the self-help aspect caused a lot of introspection i wasn't ready and looking for, which i think is the whole reason my enjoyment level was so low.
yet again i do like this book i just didn't have a good time 💔
chloe hayden if you somehow see this i did love this book i am so sorry
February 21, 2023
I love how enthusiastic and heartfelt Chloé is and I did enjoy reading the book. However it did feel more like an autobiography.
As a self help/discovery kind of book it is definitely too positive for me as it portrays things that are sometimes not attainable in the world as we know it at this time. And it feels a bit like this book is a speech asking for change and man, I fully agree but I already knew this.
Mainly just different expectations from the book than what it was. I can imagine this book being amazing for teens or people completely new to the topic but it feels slightly problematic from perspective of people that are oppressed by the system and cannot advocate their way out or create their own jobs etc
As a self help/discovery kind of book it is definitely too positive for me as it portrays things that are sometimes not attainable in the world as we know it at this time. And it feels a bit like this book is a speech asking for change and man, I fully agree but I already knew this.
Mainly just different expectations from the book than what it was. I can imagine this book being amazing for teens or people completely new to the topic but it feels slightly problematic from perspective of people that are oppressed by the system and cannot advocate their way out or create their own jobs etc
January 19, 2023
absolutely exquisite autism memoir by an actually autistic stunning writer
i am absolutely in awe of this beautiful audiobook which is memoir / non-fiction and read by the author, chloe hayden, an actually autistic accomplished, knowledgeable, educated young adult sharing her lived experience as an audhd musician, writer, actor, artist, performer, entrepreneur (amongst many other things) in a world that is designed for allistic people. it is such a beautiful listen and read, that covers a variety of neurodivergent identities but obviously centered around chloe’s personal experiences and studies into autism, adhd, and depression from a young age through now, weaving in writings from the time certain events happened in her life as well as hindsight understanding and interpretation. the book also includes chapters about burn out, work, creativity, friendships, sexual assault, bullying, family dynamics, relationships, and more—also including a beautiful passage written by her then partner, now fiancé, on their experience as an allistic person in a romantic partnership with an autistic person; which i found so loving, tender, stunning, and just a beautiful inclusion on love, communication, trust and vulnerability in partnership. highly recommend to all people, but especially to anyone who is on the spectrum themselves, loves and cares for anyone on the spectrum, or just wants to educate themselves better on autistic people. love chloe hayden so much and hope she continues to write because i am absolutely in love with her mind and how she writes and expresses herself and the enthusiasm, joy, and beauty she brings into the world. this book existing is such a gift and makes me so happy to be alive in a time where i have the honor and opportunity to read it. 5 stars all around!
the e-book and audiobook read by non other than the absolutely fabulous author chloe hayden herself are both out now, and the physical paperback edition is out on 4 april 2023 <333333 literally cannot wait to get my hands on a physical copy so i can annotate every single page 🥰✨ but in the meanwhile i HIGHLY recommend the audiobook and also stream the heartbreak high reboot season 1 starring chloe on netflix 🫡 support actually autistic artists and creators <333333333333333333
i am absolutely in awe of this beautiful audiobook which is memoir / non-fiction and read by the author, chloe hayden, an actually autistic accomplished, knowledgeable, educated young adult sharing her lived experience as an audhd musician, writer, actor, artist, performer, entrepreneur (amongst many other things) in a world that is designed for allistic people. it is such a beautiful listen and read, that covers a variety of neurodivergent identities but obviously centered around chloe’s personal experiences and studies into autism, adhd, and depression from a young age through now, weaving in writings from the time certain events happened in her life as well as hindsight understanding and interpretation. the book also includes chapters about burn out, work, creativity, friendships, sexual assault, bullying, family dynamics, relationships, and more—also including a beautiful passage written by her then partner, now fiancé, on their experience as an allistic person in a romantic partnership with an autistic person; which i found so loving, tender, stunning, and just a beautiful inclusion on love, communication, trust and vulnerability in partnership. highly recommend to all people, but especially to anyone who is on the spectrum themselves, loves and cares for anyone on the spectrum, or just wants to educate themselves better on autistic people. love chloe hayden so much and hope she continues to write because i am absolutely in love with her mind and how she writes and expresses herself and the enthusiasm, joy, and beauty she brings into the world. this book existing is such a gift and makes me so happy to be alive in a time where i have the honor and opportunity to read it. 5 stars all around!
the e-book and audiobook read by non other than the absolutely fabulous author chloe hayden herself are both out now, and the physical paperback edition is out on 4 april 2023 <333333 literally cannot wait to get my hands on a physical copy so i can annotate every single page 🥰✨ but in the meanwhile i HIGHLY recommend the audiobook and also stream the heartbreak high reboot season 1 starring chloe on netflix 🫡 support actually autistic artists and creators <333333333333333333
November 19, 2023
While I really enjoyed Chloé Hayden’s story I just couldn’t get over how all over the place “Different Not Less” felt to me.
The book consists of autobiographical parts while it simultaneously tries to be a guide to autistic people. This doesn’t have to be a contradiction but in “Different Not Less” these two genres feel so isolated and don’t play well together.
This is also reflected in the missing part of “neurodivergence”. The title and the word “neurodivergent” suggests that this book is about different conditions that fall under the umbrella term, but it is mainly about Hayden’s own experiences with her being autistic. Even though she mentions that she also has ADHD there is rarely any mention of other neurodivergencies and I feel like we’re washing away the meaning of the word Neurodivergence by over-using it instead of stating the exact condition we’re talking about (here: autism).
(Neurodivergence also includes: OCD, BPD, Bipolar Disorder, CPTSD, Dyslexia, Dyspracia, Dyscalculia, Shizophrenia, Epilepsy, Tourettes and more)
Additionally I noticed that Hayden tries to use Disney fairytales as an analogy and stylistic device throughout the book but she’s not very consistent with it.
I feel like this book is for other autistic people, whether you learn something new about (your) autism or just want to hear another story that might be similar to yours, “Different Not Less” is an interesting read, but I personally wouldn’t recommend it to my friends and family to be honest, because it’s just not coherent enough.
The book consists of autobiographical parts while it simultaneously tries to be a guide to autistic people. This doesn’t have to be a contradiction but in “Different Not Less” these two genres feel so isolated and don’t play well together.
This is also reflected in the missing part of “neurodivergence”. The title and the word “neurodivergent” suggests that this book is about different conditions that fall under the umbrella term, but it is mainly about Hayden’s own experiences with her being autistic. Even though she mentions that she also has ADHD there is rarely any mention of other neurodivergencies and I feel like we’re washing away the meaning of the word Neurodivergence by over-using it instead of stating the exact condition we’re talking about (here: autism).
(Neurodivergence also includes: OCD, BPD, Bipolar Disorder, CPTSD, Dyslexia, Dyspracia, Dyscalculia, Shizophrenia, Epilepsy, Tourettes and more)
Additionally I noticed that Hayden tries to use Disney fairytales as an analogy and stylistic device throughout the book but she’s not very consistent with it.
I feel like this book is for other autistic people, whether you learn something new about (your) autism or just want to hear another story that might be similar to yours, “Different Not Less” is an interesting read, but I personally wouldn’t recommend it to my friends and family to be honest, because it’s just not coherent enough.
April 30, 2023
My absolute FAVORITE #AutismAcceptanceMonth read this April!!! An incredible #ownvoices memoir/advice book that was fantastic on audio narrated by the author. She deep dives into her painful childhood journey finding a diagnosis, tackles the changing landscape of autism labels and really focuses on the extreme mental health tendencies neurodivergent people are prone to (approx. 75% suffer mental health issues).
She herself suffered from suicidal ideation, depression, an eating disorder and feelings of self-loathing. This book truly made me appreciate just how brave memoirists have to be to share their personal journeys in order to help others heal and grow. Eye-opening and very heartfelt, this was a great listen that I highly recommend to anyone wanting to better understand the diversity of neurodivergent minds/experiences!
(It also has great POTS rep too and makes an excellent case for why we really need to abandon the previously popular 'Asperger's' label with the connections to its Nazi namesake and his involvement with exterminating so many neurodivergent people during WWII (and beyond?)!)
She herself suffered from suicidal ideation, depression, an eating disorder and feelings of self-loathing. This book truly made me appreciate just how brave memoirists have to be to share their personal journeys in order to help others heal and grow. Eye-opening and very heartfelt, this was a great listen that I highly recommend to anyone wanting to better understand the diversity of neurodivergent minds/experiences!
(It also has great POTS rep too and makes an excellent case for why we really need to abandon the previously popular 'Asperger's' label with the connections to its Nazi namesake and his involvement with exterminating so many neurodivergent people during WWII (and beyond?)!)
January 15, 2023
i think this is the first book about being neurodivergent i’ve read that was written by a neurodivergent person. insightful and affirming <3
March 4, 2025
The tooth-aching sweetness and constant pink positivity definitely got under my skin a lot. Although some parts of the book were helpful and provided good advice, most of the stuff was very cliche and on the beaten path, naive, and proclaiming magic and beauty in every aspect of life, which made me cringe regularly. Basically:
"Let's create a new and beautiful and equal society. All you need is just courage!"
Girl. It is cute but very unrealistic and unhelpful.
Often, this book also felt more like an autobiography of how difficult it was for Chloe herself, and less like a helpful book providing support, knowledge, and (realistic) tools for living on the spectrum. It's okay to write an autobiography describing how horrible it can be for an autistic child to grow up in an unsupportive environment. But then, sell and actually write it as an autobiography, not as a disguised "guide" for neurodivergent people to live by.
I guess im just disappointed I haven't learned anything new at all from this book, and spent 80% of time thinking "No shit, Sherlock."
DNF at 63%
"Let's create a new and beautiful and equal society. All you need is just courage!"
Girl. It is cute but very unrealistic and unhelpful.
Often, this book also felt more like an autobiography of how difficult it was for Chloe herself, and less like a helpful book providing support, knowledge, and (realistic) tools for living on the spectrum. It's okay to write an autobiography describing how horrible it can be for an autistic child to grow up in an unsupportive environment. But then, sell and actually write it as an autobiography, not as a disguised "guide" for neurodivergent people to live by.
I guess im just disappointed I haven't learned anything new at all from this book, and spent 80% of time thinking "No shit, Sherlock."
DNF at 63%
May 16, 2023
every person, both neurodivergent and neurotypical, needs to read this <3
May 30, 2023
This book is a wonderful read if like me, you are a young neurodivergent person that is trying to be more gentle with yourself and better understand your own limits.
It was a highly relatable book and that made it very easy to read.
It was a highly relatable book and that made it very easy to read.
July 6, 2024
2.5 stars
Whilst it is important that more books for ND people by ND people exist, several things made this book difficult for me to enjoy.
Firstly, throughout it was clear that Hayden's lived experiences are of someone who, whilst undoubtedly experiencing challenges, has immense privilege and is still very young. Maybe book deals shouldn't just be given to people because of recent celebrity status 🤔
The text flitted between several intended audiences - from ND people, to parents or carers of ND people, to those interested in Chloé Hayden's introspection - which made it feel somewhat incongruous. It also was pretty unbalanced on types of neurodiversity discussed - heavily focussed on Autism.
Hayden relentlessly refers to Disney and fairytales, something that really did not resonate with me.
The ongoing references to fairytales (eg. 'i thought my fairytale had failed,' 'I wanted to burn chapters from my fairytale', 'sidekick characters' 'dragon fighting Adventure stage' etc) were very repetitive and CRINGEY, not to mention written very awkwardly. It also left me wondering... Has she heard of an archetype before? Disney didn't invent them... Hans Christian Andersen didn't even invent archetypes.
Finally, in spite of Hayden's diagnosis being sparked by a concerned teacher speaking with her parents, teachers are spoken about negatively throughout, being included in the category of 'internalised-ableists' who want to make autistic students conform, according to Hayden... It feels like she has not let go of personal experience of the schooling system, which she was removed from at quite a young age. Her perspective seemed incredibly ignorant of the education of teachers, not to mention pretty inconsiderate of how many teachers are ND themselves. Teachers regularly advocate for access to intervention, diagnoses, special provisions and other support for their Neurodiverse students... Please don't bash a profession that's already immensely difficult that you clearly have no up to date knowledge of!
Whilst it is important that more books for ND people by ND people exist, several things made this book difficult for me to enjoy.
Firstly, throughout it was clear that Hayden's lived experiences are of someone who, whilst undoubtedly experiencing challenges, has immense privilege and is still very young. Maybe book deals shouldn't just be given to people because of recent celebrity status 🤔
The text flitted between several intended audiences - from ND people, to parents or carers of ND people, to those interested in Chloé Hayden's introspection - which made it feel somewhat incongruous. It also was pretty unbalanced on types of neurodiversity discussed - heavily focussed on Autism.
Hayden relentlessly refers to Disney and fairytales, something that really did not resonate with me.
The ongoing references to fairytales (eg. 'i thought my fairytale had failed,' 'I wanted to burn chapters from my fairytale', 'sidekick characters' 'dragon fighting Adventure stage' etc) were very repetitive and CRINGEY, not to mention written very awkwardly. It also left me wondering... Has she heard of an archetype before? Disney didn't invent them... Hans Christian Andersen didn't even invent archetypes.
Finally, in spite of Hayden's diagnosis being sparked by a concerned teacher speaking with her parents, teachers are spoken about negatively throughout, being included in the category of 'internalised-ableists' who want to make autistic students conform, according to Hayden... It feels like she has not let go of personal experience of the schooling system, which she was removed from at quite a young age. Her perspective seemed incredibly ignorant of the education of teachers, not to mention pretty inconsiderate of how many teachers are ND themselves. Teachers regularly advocate for access to intervention, diagnoses, special provisions and other support for their Neurodiverse students... Please don't bash a profession that's already immensely difficult that you clearly have no up to date knowledge of!
December 22, 2023
Dnf at chapter 7 of 9. The author states in this chapter “in the United Kingdom, if you’re autistic or have other neurological or learning disorders and contract Covid 19, you will automatically, non-consensually, be put on a do not resuscitate (DNR) order.” There’re no references or citations in the book so I couldn’t check the source used. And when I googled it (there were about 10 illegal cases of this early in the pandemic), the nhs website states that this is not the case. Which sort of discredited the book for me.
A lot of the book content is readily available in more depth via social media. I can appreciate the sharing of the authors experiences though and the increasing of awareness.
A lot of the book content is readily available in more depth via social media. I can appreciate the sharing of the authors experiences though and the increasing of awareness.
February 20, 2023
DNF, 75%
I'm glad so many people loved this book but it's not for me. There were a few parts that turned me off as it came across a bit 'my experience is the only one'. I think there's a way to write this story, make it clear there are some really outdated terrible ideas/behaviours that need to go, and not paint everyone with same brush or that everyone is the problem, or to acknowledge there are people doing great things, and point listeners that way instead of pointing out the problem and leaving it at that.
I'm glad so many people loved this book but it's not for me. There were a few parts that turned me off as it came across a bit 'my experience is the only one'. I think there's a way to write this story, make it clear there are some really outdated terrible ideas/behaviours that need to go, and not paint everyone with same brush or that everyone is the problem, or to acknowledge there are people doing great things, and point listeners that way instead of pointing out the problem and leaving it at that.
October 11, 2023
Very interesting to read something that was less academic focused and more about lived experience. I did find it a little bit frustrating when collective nouns were used to describe experiences when a key point of the book is that neurodivergence is different for everyone.
January 18, 2026
My mom picked this book up to read after I received my autism diagnosis, and after reading it myself, I think it is a really good introduction to neurodiversity for people who are unfamiliar with the idea of neurodivergence. For me, it didn't contain much new information, but it was still a good read, and could be beneficial to those receiving an unexpected ADHD or autism diagnosis. And of course, the memoir parts of this book (because it does seem half memoir and half self-help book) are really important- it was impactful to read about Chloé's experiences (and funny to see how much we have in common!)
June 27, 2023
i wish i had this book growing up instead of wanting to off myself for how my brain works and thinking i was just broken and wired wrong. this book is so so important.
only missing a star bc i usually don’t enjoy self help-ish books and they’re not as easy to get into as fiction
only missing a star bc i usually don’t enjoy self help-ish books and they’re not as easy to get into as fiction
October 26, 2024
A beautiful book. I loved how Chloé’s journey shows us that education and learning can happen away from the education system, and school is not right for everyone. A reminder that all autistic people deserve the right support to thrive and of what can happen when they do.
November 16, 2022
Great book, had to take breaks every so often but totally worth a read. As a neurodivergent person, hearing a story with similarities to mine felt so comforting to know I'm not alone
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January 24, 2023This is a Chloé Hayden Stan account
December 13, 2024
I am autistic and I wanted this to be a book to help me accept more of the hard parts of autism -- telling me that I'm different, not less. But this is more of a book telling neurotypical people that we are different, not less... And strongly implying we are actually better. That's not equality, that's superiority and I don't like it. I'm not arguing that I am worthy with anyone, I'm just trying to find my own place and my own identity in this diagnosis. There's lots of ranting. Angry ranting. There is also a LOT about the author and her life. The helpful tidbits (riddled with angry ranting and "correcting") isn't until the 2nd half. The first half was just about how horrible her life was. I feel for her, if what she says is true this was a very hard life, but I also felt like it drug on with many points mentioned twice or even 3 times throughout the book. While there were a few helpful tidbits overall I was disappointed and had trouble finishing it. I don't feel like I walked away with anything I didn't already have after having read other books on Autism beforehand.
June 14, 2024
This book took forever… and it was just fine. Cute. Sweet. Nothing I didn’t already know but it was presented in very easy to digest and understand language.
It was mostly personal anecdotes followed by lists of facts. It was pretty repetitive (understandably so) and didn’t feel like a guide for those who already know they’re neurodivergent but for those who don’t, aren’t, or are just finding out.
I did very much appreciate that it was told explicitly through Chloé’s autistic lens so we see the way she saw the world throughout her experiences as a child and teen and how that shaped her.
It was mostly personal anecdotes followed by lists of facts. It was pretty repetitive (understandably so) and didn’t feel like a guide for those who already know they’re neurodivergent but for those who don’t, aren’t, or are just finding out.
I did very much appreciate that it was told explicitly through Chloé’s autistic lens so we see the way she saw the world throughout her experiences as a child and teen and how that shaped her.
June 28, 2023
This book is incredible. Like so so incredible.
Very informative, engaging, relatable, heartbreaking, funny, and just so good.
Definite must read for anyone neurodivergent or anyone with ND loved ones or anyone who wants to be an ally or really just anyone.
Very informative, engaging, relatable, heartbreaking, funny, and just so good.
Definite must read for anyone neurodivergent or anyone with ND loved ones or anyone who wants to be an ally or really just anyone.
June 27, 2023
4.75* Yes that's a very odd number, mind your own business. I loved it!!!
August 15, 2024
“Embrace who you are. You are exactly who you’re supposed to be”.
I really loved this book. Chloe Hayden is a very engaging writer, and it can be difficult to share personal experiences, but Hayden does it beautifully, linking it to her own ‘eye sparkles’ (that’s what I’m going to start calling my hyper-fixations now!). The Disney references weren’t for me, but it is obviously so much a part of Hayden’s story that it made complete sense and didn’t take away from her story in the slightest.
I had never considered that ADHD might be a part of me as well but reading that section I was surprised at how many of those criteria I actually fall under. I could have written large parts of this book myself it felt like, as so much of it was me. The book highlights the different ways that things like autism and ADHD might appear in men and women, and how women are better at masking things, which can be more damaging to them, and make it harder to diagnose.
The book was clearly structured and set out and I know I will go back to it time and time again to look things up and reassure myself that things can get better. There were sections which were upsetting, things in this book that parents should never do when it comes to their autistic children, but which I have experienced, and it hugely damaged me. It was also difficult to read Hayden’s story, as it must have been incredibly difficult for her to write. This book isn’t just for autistic and neurodivergent individuals to read, but their families and support networks, to help them better understand and support people who are neurodivergent.
Hayden’s experiences show that these things don’t have to be the end and that you can overcome and grow. I have an excellent support network around me in terms of friends and that has been a massive help. The last few years in particular have been a lot of me discovering who I am, and not being ashamed of being neurodivergent.
This is a much-needed book to tell one story of being neurodivergent from someone’s perspective who has and is living it. Not everyone’s experiences are the same, and there are a lot of differences in how people experience being neurodivergent depending on who is around them and how much support they have, as well as school and work environments. But the more people who open up about their experiences, the more understanding there will hopefully be, and the more society can change.
I really loved this book. Chloe Hayden is a very engaging writer, and it can be difficult to share personal experiences, but Hayden does it beautifully, linking it to her own ‘eye sparkles’ (that’s what I’m going to start calling my hyper-fixations now!). The Disney references weren’t for me, but it is obviously so much a part of Hayden’s story that it made complete sense and didn’t take away from her story in the slightest.
I had never considered that ADHD might be a part of me as well but reading that section I was surprised at how many of those criteria I actually fall under. I could have written large parts of this book myself it felt like, as so much of it was me. The book highlights the different ways that things like autism and ADHD might appear in men and women, and how women are better at masking things, which can be more damaging to them, and make it harder to diagnose.
The book was clearly structured and set out and I know I will go back to it time and time again to look things up and reassure myself that things can get better. There were sections which were upsetting, things in this book that parents should never do when it comes to their autistic children, but which I have experienced, and it hugely damaged me. It was also difficult to read Hayden’s story, as it must have been incredibly difficult for her to write. This book isn’t just for autistic and neurodivergent individuals to read, but their families and support networks, to help them better understand and support people who are neurodivergent.
Hayden’s experiences show that these things don’t have to be the end and that you can overcome and grow. I have an excellent support network around me in terms of friends and that has been a massive help. The last few years in particular have been a lot of me discovering who I am, and not being ashamed of being neurodivergent.
This is a much-needed book to tell one story of being neurodivergent from someone’s perspective who has and is living it. Not everyone’s experiences are the same, and there are a lot of differences in how people experience being neurodivergent depending on who is around them and how much support they have, as well as school and work environments. But the more people who open up about their experiences, the more understanding there will hopefully be, and the more society can change.
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