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Living An Orgasmic Life: Heal Yourself and Awaken Your Pleasure
Overcome your Living an Orgasmic Life is written for anyone who finds sex challenging or feels uncomfortable with their sex life. Women who are alienated from their erotic side due to sexual abuse or trauma will find healing balm here. Women who can't surrender into pleasure, can't sustain intimacy, or want to reclaim and feel empowered in their sexuality will greatly benefit from this book.
Awaken your Challenges with sexuality are all too common in our society and not frequently discussed in an open and thoughtful manner. In Living an Orgasmic Life , Xanet Pailet explores the many reasons that cause women to disconnect from their sexuality shame, body image issues, sexual abuse and trauma, physical wounding, and fears of intimacy. She teaches practical advice and tools to help women awaken to their sexuality in a healthy way and reclaim their libido.
Add sex back into your The number of reported sexless marriages has quadrupled in the last twenty years. Living an Orgasmic Life is filled with lessons and practical exercises that can take your sex life from non-existent or mediocre to fulfilling on every level.
Awaken your Challenges with sexuality are all too common in our society and not frequently discussed in an open and thoughtful manner. In Living an Orgasmic Life , Xanet Pailet explores the many reasons that cause women to disconnect from their sexuality shame, body image issues, sexual abuse and trauma, physical wounding, and fears of intimacy. She teaches practical advice and tools to help women awaken to their sexuality in a healthy way and reclaim their libido.
Add sex back into your The number of reported sexless marriages has quadrupled in the last twenty years. Living an Orgasmic Life is filled with lessons and practical exercises that can take your sex life from non-existent or mediocre to fulfilling on every level.
- GenresNonfictionSexuality
1 pages, Audio CD
Published March 1, 2021
91 people are currently reading
205 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews
October 25, 2018
Xanet Pailet is a woman with a cause. She wants everyone to begin Living an Orgasmic Life, and her book offers plenty of ideas and information. Her subtitle, Heal Yourself and Awaken Your Pleasure also gives you some clues about where she’s going with this.
Fundamentally, this is a book about personal growth and transformation of a very specific type. Pailet starts her conversation about adult sexuality with some of her own story, including many years in a sexless marriage. But this isn’t a memoir. She also includes lots of real-life stories from her coaching practice. They make the book’s concepts feel more relatable and realistic. It’s important to be prepared for language that runs the gamut from anatomical to slang, all describing body parts and sexual activities. I wouldn’t leave this book where a ten-year-old could find it!
Speaking of anatomy, Pailet teaches her readers about crucial body-specific factors in sexual activity. For example, why certain body parts work the way they do, and how our knowledge can make life better. She also covers the physiological aspects of sex—why those anatomical parts work together the way they do. But don’t think this is all charts and boring schoolmarm stuff. Far from it!
Another aspect to Pailet’s book is how previous events in people’s lives can affect their current sexual activities. She discusses how overcoming trauma, abuse, and shame is a vital step towards living an orgasmic life. Our emotions around these experiences greatly affect our ability to achieve emotional intimacy. Pailet is sensitive and caring, as well as knowledgeable about this aspect of relationships.
My conclusions
Pailet teaches by telling stories, her own and her clients. So nearly every suggestion has a real-life illustration. It makes for a conversational book, which is appropriate given the subject matter. She also suggests many exercises to complete outside the book—from journaling to work with a partner. An example is her “timeline exercise” where a woman lists any and all physical wounds—from infections to childbirth to surgeries. Pailet explains that these events affect our ability to fully engage in sexual activity.
Having just read Rebecca Traister’s recent book discussing the #metoo movement in some detail, I struggled with some parts of Pailet’s book. Her perspective on women’s most common fantasy scenario is hard for me to stomach, even if it’s based in statistical reality. I’m just not sure yet how to reconcile my resurfaced #metoo feelings with Pailet’s perspective.
On the other hand, Pailet’s discussion of the ways masculine and feminine energies have changed our sex lives in the last 40-50 years is logical. She touches on social commentary without leaving the world of practical advice.
I also think it makes a lot of sense to connect sexual energy with both creativity and overall life energy. Given this connection, it’s even more beneficial to implement her strategies.
Pailet pulls everything together, and makes this book applicable to every phase of adult life. She has states that the book is meant to be inclusive. But honestly, the pronouns are binary. Plus, the wording and client stories are mostly hetero and cis gendered. However, a few of the web sites she refers readers to are much more inclusive.
You may blush your way through the beginning of the book, but when you settle into the rhythm and language, I’ll bet you find some ideas to incorporate in your own life.
Acknowledgements
Many thanks to the author for giving me an advanced reader’s copy of the book in exchange for this honest review.
Originally published on my book blog, TheBibliophage.com.
Fundamentally, this is a book about personal growth and transformation of a very specific type. Pailet starts her conversation about adult sexuality with some of her own story, including many years in a sexless marriage. But this isn’t a memoir. She also includes lots of real-life stories from her coaching practice. They make the book’s concepts feel more relatable and realistic. It’s important to be prepared for language that runs the gamut from anatomical to slang, all describing body parts and sexual activities. I wouldn’t leave this book where a ten-year-old could find it!
Speaking of anatomy, Pailet teaches her readers about crucial body-specific factors in sexual activity. For example, why certain body parts work the way they do, and how our knowledge can make life better. She also covers the physiological aspects of sex—why those anatomical parts work together the way they do. But don’t think this is all charts and boring schoolmarm stuff. Far from it!
Another aspect to Pailet’s book is how previous events in people’s lives can affect their current sexual activities. She discusses how overcoming trauma, abuse, and shame is a vital step towards living an orgasmic life. Our emotions around these experiences greatly affect our ability to achieve emotional intimacy. Pailet is sensitive and caring, as well as knowledgeable about this aspect of relationships.
My conclusions
Pailet teaches by telling stories, her own and her clients. So nearly every suggestion has a real-life illustration. It makes for a conversational book, which is appropriate given the subject matter. She also suggests many exercises to complete outside the book—from journaling to work with a partner. An example is her “timeline exercise” where a woman lists any and all physical wounds—from infections to childbirth to surgeries. Pailet explains that these events affect our ability to fully engage in sexual activity.
Having just read Rebecca Traister’s recent book discussing the #metoo movement in some detail, I struggled with some parts of Pailet’s book. Her perspective on women’s most common fantasy scenario is hard for me to stomach, even if it’s based in statistical reality. I’m just not sure yet how to reconcile my resurfaced #metoo feelings with Pailet’s perspective.
On the other hand, Pailet’s discussion of the ways masculine and feminine energies have changed our sex lives in the last 40-50 years is logical. She touches on social commentary without leaving the world of practical advice.
I also think it makes a lot of sense to connect sexual energy with both creativity and overall life energy. Given this connection, it’s even more beneficial to implement her strategies.
Pailet pulls everything together, and makes this book applicable to every phase of adult life. She has states that the book is meant to be inclusive. But honestly, the pronouns are binary. Plus, the wording and client stories are mostly hetero and cis gendered. However, a few of the web sites she refers readers to are much more inclusive.
You may blush your way through the beginning of the book, but when you settle into the rhythm and language, I’ll bet you find some ideas to incorporate in your own life.
Acknowledgements
Many thanks to the author for giving me an advanced reader’s copy of the book in exchange for this honest review.
Originally published on my book blog, TheBibliophage.com.
June 22, 2019
I am so fucking sick of pro-rape apologetics that seem to revel in women's supposed "natural" desire to have men disrespect and abuse them. I cannot believe this book was written with trauma survivors in mind. I would never recommend this piece of misogynistic garbage to women who have been abused, or any other women for that matter.
May 30, 2020
This book went some strange ways, but by the time Xanet began telling rape victims things like “oh that’s where your sexuality comes from” i was totally done. It seemed very masturbatory— not in a pleasant way— and she patted herself on the back constantly.
November 18, 2019
Xanet Pailet's Living an Orgasmic Life covers a lot of ground. It is a book for healing from sexual trama, which is not new, but it is a book that makes enjoying sex and orgasms as women are meant to do, part and parcel with the healing process.
It covers the physical and the emotional and goes into quite a bit of detail about how our bodies rewact physically to stimulation as well as how we react emotionally, and how those reactions might be differeent when earlier abuse is a factor.
Not everyone will like the aknowledgement that erotic power exchange exists at all, that being a woman and submitting sexually to a man can be a turn on, but that is one of the things that abuse can steal from a woman. The pleasure of submission to a dominent is stolen when the ability to trust is gone.
That is not to say that every woman is turned on by submission, or even wants to be. But some are and if you are one, that is ok and terribly hard to get back to when abuse is in your past.
I think it is a good book and well worth reading.
It covers the physical and the emotional and goes into quite a bit of detail about how our bodies rewact physically to stimulation as well as how we react emotionally, and how those reactions might be differeent when earlier abuse is a factor.
Not everyone will like the aknowledgement that erotic power exchange exists at all, that being a woman and submitting sexually to a man can be a turn on, but that is one of the things that abuse can steal from a woman. The pleasure of submission to a dominent is stolen when the ability to trust is gone.
That is not to say that every woman is turned on by submission, or even wants to be. But some are and if you are one, that is ok and terribly hard to get back to when abuse is in your past.
I think it is a good book and well worth reading.
November 7, 2025
I really, really wanted to like this book. It's the first I did not finish, after about 85% of the book I was done. This should have been a memoir, instead, it gets into generalizations because of personal experiences
- Victim blaming: I understand it was probably not what she meant but the formulation should have been revised!
- Culture appropriating, nonstop...
- Bad poly ideas based on !? and preconceived ideas
- Calling the vulva "vagina" over and over despite explaining what it is... I know many people do it, but it's a book about it, let's use the appropriate terms.
- Victim blaming: I understand it was probably not what she meant but the formulation should have been revised!
- Culture appropriating, nonstop...
- Bad poly ideas based on !? and preconceived ideas
- Calling the vulva "vagina" over and over despite explaining what it is... I know many people do it, but it's a book about it, let's use the appropriate terms.
August 16, 2018
Every man should read this book. Why?
Xanet teaches both men and women to get in touch with their feelings. This is what an orgasmic life is all about.Xanet’s stories make the reader think about the perils in their own relationships. The insights are very powerful.
Her description of fear, anxiety and most importantly, shame is powerful and is a good learning lesson for men and women about sexual desire and arousal. Shame impacts both men and women and learning how to accept it is an important lesson. Xanet gives powerful examples in her book on shame and how to deal with it.
The final chapter on the power of living an orgasmic life with the examples and the literature cited provide a powerful driving force on why an orgasmic life is so crucial to the maximization of life. Xanet’s book brings it all together. While the focus is on the female, every male interested in pleasing his female partner needs to read this book. And the link between sexuality in an orgasmic life and the resulting power of intuition should not be overlooked by anyone.
Xanet teaches both men and women to get in touch with their feelings. This is what an orgasmic life is all about.Xanet’s stories make the reader think about the perils in their own relationships. The insights are very powerful.
Her description of fear, anxiety and most importantly, shame is powerful and is a good learning lesson for men and women about sexual desire and arousal. Shame impacts both men and women and learning how to accept it is an important lesson. Xanet gives powerful examples in her book on shame and how to deal with it.
The final chapter on the power of living an orgasmic life with the examples and the literature cited provide a powerful driving force on why an orgasmic life is so crucial to the maximization of life. Xanet’s book brings it all together. While the focus is on the female, every male interested in pleasing his female partner needs to read this book. And the link between sexuality in an orgasmic life and the resulting power of intuition should not be overlooked by anyone.
September 19, 2025
I really need to start reading the summary b4 starting got a book. I really thought that this was about having an amazing life. I often describe good things (like foods, dri.ks, etc) and experiences as orgasmic if they are incredibly good.So, I thought this book was about all aspects of life, not only the sexual part.
Unfortunately, for me, that isn't the case here, and she goes about helping women get in touch with their inner goddess, overcoming trauma, and more, in order to have amazing sexual experiences in life.
The authors personal journey was also inspiring, especially as she is a mature woman. So, what I'm trying to say is that the book is really good and will definitely help some people.
It was just not for me.
Unfortunately, for me, that isn't the case here, and she goes about helping women get in touch with their inner goddess, overcoming trauma, and more, in order to have amazing sexual experiences in life.
The authors personal journey was also inspiring, especially as she is a mature woman. So, what I'm trying to say is that the book is really good and will definitely help some people.
It was just not for me.
November 19, 2023
This book is along the veins of self help, woven with woo woo tantric theory. It's definitely an interesting read, especially if you are like me, and completely unfamiliar with the world of Somatic and Tantric therapy.
February 8, 2023
Deep at first, and then got alittle less meaningful, but good overall.
January 6, 2019
Sex is problematic for many women, not just those who are survivors of abuse and sexual trauma. We are conditioned from a very young age to be ashamed of our own desires and pleasures, to be full of anxiety around our sexuality and to feel disconnected from our bodies.
The author of Living an Orgasmic Life was living in a sexless marriage for 12 years before realizing she needed to heal sexually and discover her own sexual pleasure. This book tells of of her own life experience and goes on from there to help all women (and men as well) to allow themselves to get out of their heads, relax, and truly enjoy sex.
The author of Living an Orgasmic Life was living in a sexless marriage for 12 years before realizing she needed to heal sexually and discover her own sexual pleasure. This book tells of of her own life experience and goes on from there to help all women (and men as well) to allow themselves to get out of their heads, relax, and truly enjoy sex.
April 18, 2019
Though the author comes from a very different framework from myself, I found this to be extremely helpful in eliminating the shame that I’ve had concerning my own sexuality. The book is catered to woman for sure but she doesn’t leave men out and there is much insight that I garnered from it. If you read this, approach it with an open mind and don’t feel the need to agree with the author’s beliefs or practices. Take what is helpful and if something is uncomfortable or triggers you—use it as an opportunity for introspection. You may still disagree with the thing that triggered you in the end but maybe it will help you uproot some shame you weren’t completely conscious of.
Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews