For Couples Only: Eyeopening Insights about How the Opposite Sex Thinks

by Shaunti Feldhahn, Jeff Feldhahn

Over Two Million Sold!

When For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men first burst onto the scene, it received rave reviews from women who were shocked but thrilled to discover how men really think. Soon For Men Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women provided an eyeopening counterpoint, with simple revelations for men
that explained the seemingly mysterious ways of the opposite sex.

Together at Last

Now these classics have been updated with insights from the latest brain research and with additional data. The new editions are brought together in the For Couples Only boxed set, providing the perfect resource to help you understand relationship-changing insights about the woman or man in your life.

Each volume is based on input from more than a thousand members of the opposite sex—including an unprecedented nationwide survey and hundreds of personal interviews. This innovative approach yields candid and surprising answers that reveal what you don’t “get” about your significant other—answers that person deeply wishes you knew. It also produces simple but groundbreaking awareness of how you can best love and support the one you care about most.

So whether you are newly dating or have been married fifty years, get ready to know each other in a whole new way. The adventure is just beginning!

Genres: Marriage, Relationships, Nonfiction, Christian, Self Help, Christianity, Christian Non Fiction

380 pages, Hardcover

First published January 13, 2009

About the author

Shaunti received her graduate degree from Harvard University and was an analyst on Wall Street before unexpectedly becoming a social researcher, best-selling author and popular speaker. Today, she applies her analytical skills to investigating eye-opening, life-changing truths about relationships, both at home and in the workplace. Her groundbreaking research-based books, such as For Women Only, have sold more than 2 million copies in 23 languages and are widely read in homes, counseling centers and corporations worldwide.

Her newest book, The Kindness Challenge, is catalyzing a movement of kindness across the country and beyond. Dozens of prominent organizations and leaders are coming together to do The 30-Day Kindness Challenge, and encourage their followers to do the same.

Shaunti’s findings are regularly featured in media as diverse as The Today Show and Focus on the Family, The New York Times and Cosmo. She (often with her husband, Jeff) speaks at 50 events a year around the world. Shaunti and her husband Jeff live in Atlanta with their teenage daughter and son, and two cats who think they are dogs.

Reviews

[Shannon · Rating 2 out of 5]

I am not really a big fan of self help books, however many members of my family are and I get them as gifts frequently. My husband and I received this (it's 2 books - one for the man and one for the woman) as a gift at our wedding last year. I decided to give it a try. I am not a fan, let me tell you why.

This book seems like it was written by and towards people of my parents age (50's-ish). The chapter on sex I read parts out loud to my husband and we were laughing so hard. It's just not written for my generation. Although, I am a part time photographer and painter, I am mostly a house wife. Which I enjoy. So when I tell you that this sounds like something written in the 1950's, it's bad. This book just sounded hokey to me and parts of it were mean. The men surveyed said all these things about their wives getting fat and wearing sweatpants and not wearing makeup, etc. If I want to wear yoga pants when I am at home, I am going to and I guarantee you my husband isn't going to find me less attractive or say anything about it. In fact, if you ask my husband, he will tell he would be thrilled if I wore yoga pants every day, which I already pretty much do. Not only does he love them, but he loves me in whatever I decide is comfortable to wear.

The other problem I had with this book, like I said is the chapter on sex. It basically says that women don't enjoy sex and when we say "no" it makes our husbands depressed. One, women enjoy sex just as much as men. Two, this book makes it sound like a woman's job as a wife is the make sure her husband has sex whenever he wants, whether or not she wants to. Also, there are plenty of times when a women wants to have sex and a man doesn't. The chapter said that when a wife says no, it causes her husband depression, hurts his self confidence, it will effect his work, etc. I find that a bit over dramatic. This book just reminded me of how I imagine men and women acted in marriages in the 1950's and I really don't think anyone my age would find it useful or helpful. Maybe this book just isn't right for me, as it does seem to have pretty high ratings.

[Wendi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Perfect for : Personal Use, For couples, for newly-weds, for engaged couples, for church bible-study class, engagement gift, wedding gift

In a nutshell: For Couples Only is actually a set of books: For Women Only and For Men Only, which have been designed to help you understand your partner better. The books were written and based on input that was gathered by the authors from over 1000 surveys (each). We tend to make assumptions, and sometimes what we believe is actually far from reality. These two books are meant to be read by each partner, and are written in an easy-to-read format with great insight throughout. I was simply amazed at some of the survey results - many of the answers were the opposite of what I would have thought, which has led me to have a better understanding of why my husband and I understand the same comment two different ways sometimes. I've been able to learn a lot more about my husband by reading For Women Only. Read this book and find out what you didn't know about your other half - you might be surprised!

Extended Review: One key note I learned by reading the front of For Men Only (Yes - I peeked!) is that Shaunti took the time to write women a quick note inside the men's book, and it basically shares that we process the information we are learning in different ways, and while many women will learn something and then talk to their spouse about it as a way to better-understand what they are reading, men do the opposite - they like to think about what they are reading until they understand it, and THEN they will talk about it. Knowing that made reading and discussing the book easier for me, because I didn't take my husband's quietness as non-interest.

Content: The books come in a nice case that includes a Couples Conversation Starter

Format: The information they are sharing is straight and to the point, with examples and graphs that show the survey results. The authors take the time to explain why the topic is important and how it affects our significant other.

Readability: Very easy to read and understand. Each topic/chapter is easy a quick and easy read, although I did find myself re-reading certain chapters for my own benefit.

Overall: I think these books are wonderful for anyone in a relationship. There is so much we don't understand (even if we think we do) about the opposite sex. Pick up a set for yourself, and don't be afraid to give a set to a new couple, or one who has been together for quite a while! Everyone can benefit from these books.

[Crystal · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read the girl version, my husband read the guys version.

We've had this conversation about it so far.

Me "So, what is the book telling you about me?"

Him "That you do a lot of crazy stuff. *pause* But you can't help it."

Fantastic.


I think I might be more confused now than before I read the book. It feels like a lot of the *issues* guys have are just the same as he described about women, crazy shit they can't help. I'm not sure if that makes me feel better or worse. It actually makes me feel bad that whatever guy I am with (friend, relative, coworker, bus driver...) at whatever point is recollecting various images of various women and sex from as far as decades past and they can't help it at all.

I might just be too self-conscious but really?!? Wow. Maybe I'm just really sensitive to that but holy cow. It makes me kinda uncomfortable. I kinda wish I can forget I read that.

Overall there were some interesting things, information that I didn't know before and at times the reminder to be patient, supportive and nurturing and WHY I need to do it were helpful. Though I felt in some parts that I got left a little short on advice, as though I was just about to hear that life changing suggestion that would forever change my marriage and life and was cut off before I got there. Dissatisfied.

One thing that was a little eye-rolling for me was that guys wouldn't care if the house was clean, the kids bathed, fed, etc. That there could be vermin running around and everyone running around in dirty, ripped clothes and as long as you were giving your guy "enough" sex, he'd be totally fine with that. Hell, he might even help out. That meeting "the only need" he has -which by the way, is Sex - that you don't actually have to do any other damn thing for him, your kids, your self or your house.

That is probably not what the author intended to say but that's what I got out of it. This is also a Christian based book so if your husband is interested in following what the Bible says (mine is whole heartedly not but there are few books out there people) then you're not going to have an easy time of some of the suggestions since the solution is Biblically based.

[Ben · Rating 4 out of 5]

My fiancée and I read these books as a way to prepare for marriage and better understand how each other thinks and feels. We each read our own book first (I read the book about men and she read the book about women) and we marked up each book with our comments and underlined certain things that really resonated with us. Then we swapped books and I read the book about women with her notes and she read the book on men with my notes.

The books were good and had a lot of helpful content, but didn’t feel very deep. Even though much of the book was based on surveys and research, it is obviously difficult to categorize all men as “this way” or all women as “that way” so the topics felt a bit generalized. I did like the book, though, and my fiancée and I both shared how helpful it was reading our own book and commented, “I thought I was the only person who felt this way! I’m glad to know other men/women struggle with this too!” Then, by reading the other book it allowed us to have good conversations about how we can best love and honor each other.

Overall, I would recommend it as an easy-to-read book series that helps men and women understand each other better. It’s not the best book on marriage or relationships I’ve ever read, but I appreciated it and found it mostly helpful and useful in or relationship.

[Elizabeth Drake · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent easy to read and extremely helpful

[Kim · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was very disappointed with this book. I was hoping for enlightenment and all I received was respect your husband and God.

I won this book from Goodreads Giveaways and I must say that was the best part of this book. The general idea in this book it that women should always respect, encouraging, support, never nag, and be courteous to their husbands, which I agree with to an extent, but not for the reasons the book gives. This book uses men’s egos and pride as the reasons to do these things, because they are easily hurt. Give me a break.

Perhaps I'm being a feminist, but as much as I agree with respecting and encouraging the man in my life, I refuse to baby him or his ego. If the sink needs to be fixed and he wants to fix it, and has not fixed it, you better believe I will tell him again to fix the sink. I will not stand by and try to find out what part of his pride is hurt that is preventing him from fixing the sink, as the book suggests. I can call a plumber instead.

Forgive me for being crass, but the book really rubbed me the wrong way. The only reason I gave it two stars is that I do agree with a lot of the ideas of how to treat your husband, but this should be how you treat everyone, respectful, supporting, courteous, and encouraging. The reasoning behind way you should treat your husband this way is what I strong disagree with and frustrated me.

On a side note, I do think this book would be very good for people who are religious and/or not as strong headed as me.

[Barb · Rating 5 out of 5]

In October of 2009 my husband and I will celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary. So, how much can we learn from a set of books called "For Couples Only"? Quite a bit, actually. Or, maybe, I should say, it was not so much learning something new, as it was being reminded of things we knew or should have remembered. We read the two books separately and then talked a bit about them. But, I know the first day I started reading, I was reminded of how easily a wife could hurt a husband's feelings by shaming him publicly. While out to dinner the prior weekend with my brother and his wife, I had teased my husband about his handyman skills. It shamed me to realize that this was probably the one thing my husband prides himself on the most. At dinner that night I apologized and he was obviously touched. I told him how proud I was of all he was truly able to do around the house and on our vehicles without us having to call in a professional. I also confessed the book had reminded me this could be a bad way to tease him. Both of us agreed - even for old married folks like us, there is something to learn or relearn in this material.

[Kate · Rating 3 out of 5]

My first Goodreads Giveaway win! I opened it up last night and read through it pretty fast. I do like the format: 2 little books, one for each partner to read that explains how the other one really thinks/feels. The books are pocket-sized and the whole idea is pretty cute. The info. is based on surveys, so it's not just some person telling you what THEY think the different sexes experience.

BUT it has a heavy Christian bias. Not being a Christian myself, I found this a tad annoying, but still got lots of good advice and info nonetheless. The other questionable thing is that many of the surveys were taken by church groups, so it's not a very wide subject sample.

I also found the language to be slightly awkward. In reading one passage out loud to Frank, he said, "I don't even know what that means." Now, that could have been a clever ploy on his part to get out of addressing the issue in the passage, but I think he was right. I found myself re-reading sentences too often. The style was very biblical, if that makes sense, the language being slightly sermon-like.

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

I won this book box set in a giveaway from Goodreads a couple of years ago. I didn't start reading it till a couple of weeks ago mainly because my marriage is in trouble.....boy do I wish that I had read it earlier....say when I received it in the mail. Maybe if I had my marriage wouldn't be so messed up like it is now. I've learned so much from this book it has really helped me understand what goes on in my husband's head. I like the fact that it has some Christian views in it but if you're not Christian don't worry because you will still learn a lot from this book.

[Stacey · Rating 3 out of 5]

Well written and accurate "his and her books" that talk about how the opposite sex responds, thinks, and acts. While some of the stereotypes did not fit our marriage--there was a lot that was true.

I am not sure how I missed reviewing this earlier, but I would recommend it especially for newly married couples who are still trying to understand each other.

* I received the book for free through Goodreads First Reads.

[Dianna Dray · Rating 1 out of 5]

i hate how these books stereotype men and women. This book blatantly says that women do not want to have sex as much as men. Fitting into how society sees women. Just a book perpetuating old ideas about the sexes and the roles they should play. Total waste of money and i wish i could have returned them.

[Jeanette · Rating 4 out of 5]

These books were an eye opener to me. I learned how to relate to the opposite sex according on their own terms. What's important to a woman is not so important to a man, and vice versa. Mutual respect between the two sexes can make for a very fulfilling relationship.

[Megan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Josh and I really enjoyed going through this pair of books together. There were many eye-opening moments!! I definitely recommend this to couples, or to people who want to learn more about what the opposite sex thinks. We found the advice and commentary very accurate!

[Beth · Rating 5 out of 5]

My small group read these for our last series. It led to great discussions in the group and at home. I highly recommend these to anyone who is married or is getting married. My caution is to read with an open-mind and lots of grace for your significant other.

[Aliesha · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very interesting book. I loved the way the topics were presented. Helped me better understand the way my husband acts and thinks.

[Jeffrey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Just notified that I won this book. This will be a wonderful read, I just know it.