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Blackthorn Elite #4
Regretting You
I'd never regretted meeting anyone quiet like I regretted meeting Kennedy Meyers.
Once upon a time she was my and my sister's best friend.
I'd always loved her, and wanted her to be mine, that is until the night everything changed and my love morphed into pure hatred.
Now I'm a vile bastard with a chip on his shoulder. Cruel black hate is all I know. My only focus *ucking my way through Blackthorn’s elite women and partying.
Then she shows up. She’s different now, shy, quiet, but just as beautiful as she was the day she disappeared.
One look and my focus changes. I decide then that my time for revenge is now. No way does she get to enjoy herself. No, I’m going to make her life hell. Destroy her from the inside out.
I’m going to make her regret ever walking my way, because if it wasn’t for her…my sister would still be alive.
**This is a standalone DARK bully romance. This book contains scenes that may be triggering to some readers. This is not a YA romance novel and should be read by those only 18+ or older. **
Once upon a time she was my and my sister's best friend.
I'd always loved her, and wanted her to be mine, that is until the night everything changed and my love morphed into pure hatred.
Now I'm a vile bastard with a chip on his shoulder. Cruel black hate is all I know. My only focus *ucking my way through Blackthorn’s elite women and partying.
Then she shows up. She’s different now, shy, quiet, but just as beautiful as she was the day she disappeared.
One look and my focus changes. I decide then that my time for revenge is now. No way does she get to enjoy herself. No, I’m going to make her life hell. Destroy her from the inside out.
I’m going to make her regret ever walking my way, because if it wasn’t for her…my sister would still be alive.
**This is a standalone DARK bully romance. This book contains scenes that may be triggering to some readers. This is not a YA romance novel and should be read by those only 18+ or older. **
242 pages, Hardcover
Published February 22, 2022
704 people are currently reading
2002 people want to read
About the author
J.L. Beck
233 books7,199 followersJ.L. Beck is the USA Today Best Selling author of unapologetic romance. She lives in WI with her husband, two kids, and four dogs. She enjoys writing and recently starting a literary agency to help represent authors in the industry.
To learn more about her books or interact with her go here: https://linktr.ee/jlbeckbooks
J.L. Beck xoxoxo
To learn more about her books or interact with her go here: https://linktr.ee/jlbeckbooks
J.L. Beck xoxoxo
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 311 reviews
May 26, 2020
THIS IS NOT A ROMANCE
~Jackson is a piece of shit, a coward, an abusive and also a rapist
~Kennedy is a weak, pathetic woman
Kennedy, Jackson and his twin sister are best friends but Kendall and Jackson like each other but are not 100% aware that their feelings are reciprocated. **So obviously, Kennedy is a virgin waiting for Jackson to take her v card but Jackson has no problems about fucking others girls.
Jackson likes her but is too much of a coward to make a move using the excuse of being afraid he is gonna cause damage to Kennedy friendship with his sister. COWARD
** Later when he is assaulting her he says that she always wanted him so looks like she was not aware but he was
Kennedy and the twin go to a party while Jackson is out on a date fucking a girl he doesn’t even care about. They are drunk and called him to pick them up but he said he is right there but he is not there soon enough so they decided to leave. Kennedy was driving and there is a car accident they killed the twin.
Obs:
- Jackson told Kennedy he is not going because he has a date but she can call if she needs anything and he will be there
- He also told her his best friend Tylor is going to be at the party and he said he is going to watch the girls for him
- During this party Tylor assaulted Kennedy. He forced her to suck him off and that is the reason why she left drunk.
Two years go by and now they are 19/20 years old
During these years:
•Jackson is suffering so he deals with it focusing on momentary please. He becomes a whore and enjoys illegal fighting.
•Kennedy is depressed without no friends, she moved out of state, her fathers blames her, she can’t drive and is afraid of being on a car and feels uncomfortable around guys. She also cuts herself
They met again at college by coincidence
- Jackson starts bullying her and he also follows her around
Assaults:
1. Jackson manhandled her and grabs her by the throat thinking about killing her
2. He goes to her apartment taking her make up saying she wouldn’t cover the scar on her face caused by the accident so everybody can see what she has done
3. He is hard so he shoves his pants and underwear down demanding her to go down on him. She freaks out and panicked which confuses him because he doesn’t understand why she has such a big reaction (yeah I can’t believe that shit either) so he gives up and leave her
3.1 He goes to her apartamento again with the intention of making her suck him off, but he looks at a picture of her and his twin and goes crazy breaking things.
“Don’t you dare ever put up a picture of her again. You don’t deserve to see her smiling face. You deserve death. It should’ve been you. It should’ve been you!”
4. She went to one of his fights because she is afraid he is gonna her hurt (pathetic). He saw her there and that fuels him so yey he wins the fight and also $25k. He grabs her by to take her to his car but the doesn’t want to enter so he tells her to “get the fuck in, or I’ll put you in. I don’t care if you want to ride in a car with me. Your fears are not my fucking problem.” Then he pulls her inside the car in while she struggles
5. (Losing her virginity) He drives her to his house and says to her “You’re coming inside with me,” I tell her. She’s coming inside willingly, or I’m forcing her
- When they arrived at his apt “I’m gonna take a shower, and when I come back, you’ll be on your knees ready to suck me off–” “No! I won’t. Either we have sex, or I’m walking home.” In my opinion she suggested sex because she is freaking out and a decent human being would take her home. Instead, he bends her on the couch, asks her if she is on the pill and she is, the fucks her hard from behind pushing her head to a pillow.
During that freak show that happens:
“I hate you,” Jackson growls, releasing my hips, and moving a hand into my hair. He grabs a fistful of hair and tugs my head back, making my neck ache with the angle. My scalp burns, and for a moment, I am catapulted back to that night, the feeling too familiar.
No, no… I don’t want to think about that. Not now, not ever. This is Jackson, not him… I wanted this, asked for it. I force the ugly memories away and concentrate on the here and now. On Jackson. I can smell him all around me, his citrus scent. I am here. Not there.
***Saying that she wanted that shit to happens is ridiculous, a girl with issues who is mentally unstable being treated like shit by someone she grown up loving in order to avoid going down on him is rape
Her reaction after the “sex”: “tears start to form in my eyes, and bile rises up in my throat. I need to get out of here, leave, run away as far as I can, and never look back.”
His reaction:
“Fucking Christ, were you a virgin?” (...)She’s looked thoroughly fucked and sedated. If it wasn’t for the fucking tears in her eyes, I would say she looks pretty happy about it too. “Does it matter?” (...)
“Yes, it mattered. If I had known, I would have turned you around, so I could see the pain in your face when I took this part from you.” For the first time since we started this game of hate and revenge, I see something that looks a little like anger in her hazel eyes. “Fuck you, Jackson,” she grits through her teeth. Gesturing to my cock, I snicker. “Looks like you were the one that got fucked, so get your shit and get the fuck out.” Tugging my shorts back up, I watch as she winces when she moves.
6. During a dinner with their parents he is mad because his mother is nice to her so he drags to a corner, grands her tights hard because according to him he can cause her pain if there he also cause pleasure. But then he felt his scars since she cuts herself there, she freaks out and defending herself she hurt **
7. The second time he raped her: “Take your clothes off. I want to fuck you again.” Her mouth falls open in shock as if she can’t believe what I just said. What did she think I showed up here for in the middle of the night? “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” She can’t be serious, can she? Us fucking is always a good idea. It’s the only good thing between us. It’s either we fuck, or I’m hurting her or she’s hurting me. There are no other options. “I didn’t ask you what you thought. I told you to take off your clothes.” Folding my arms over my chest, I scowl down at her. “Tick tock. I don’t have all night. Do it, or I do it for you.” I watch her closely as she bites her bottom lip. Nervously, she looks around the room as if she is thinking about how to get out of this. (...) “I want you on your hands and knees. No fucking talking. I don’t want to hear a whimper or cry. I just want to fuck you. You owe me that much for making me bleed the other day.” **
8. His dearest friend Tylor arrives to a surprise visit and notices Kennedy. He tells Jackson that the reason she left the party drunk is because he wanted him to fuck her so Jackson would notice her and be jealous. Jackson doesn’t even contemplate asking her if this is true, he just goes after her, grabs her by her backpack shoving her hard into a wall. Kennedy hits her head and he says she deserved to suffer and suffocate on her own pain and misery. He tells her to kill herself. “Cut yourself a little deeper next time.”
Grovelling & Reconciliation
First of all there is no fucking redemption for this asshole, he doesn’t deserve her forgiveness and she should have ended up with another guy. He should have ended up living a miserable life because grief doesn’t excuse his behavior.
> Jackson is angry so he goes fighting to release tension but the other guy doesn’t show up so Tylor says he can fight Jackson because he wants the money. During the fight, Tylor tells the truth about assaulting Kennedy so Jackson beats the shit out of him.
> After the fight and almost killing Tylor he goes after Kennedy who is lying without conscience at the bathtub after cutting herself and losing a lot of blond
> Kennedy wakes up at the hospital mad at Jackson who refuses to leave her side saying he owns her that.
> She threw at his face about him telling her to lull herself and also says she hates him.
> He says he is sorry and that he loves her (incredible way of showing) so when she goes home and needs someone to be with her bc se can’t be left alone according to the doctor he moves in with her even though she is constantly telling him to leave.
> Kennedy is thinking about cutting herself again when Jackson arrives asking what she is doing. She is at the bathroom naked looking at her tights trying to inflict pain by pressing her cuts. Then, she opens the door to him saying she wants him to fuck her like he did the first time so he asks if she wants him to hurt her (see how that first time is an abuse) and the answer is yes. He is so freaking cute that he takes her to the bed but tell her he is never again hurting her so he will make her forget everything by making her feel good.
- he fucks her slow (true love here) after the sex she starts crying saying she loves him but doesn’t trust him about not leaving and also that she can’t forget what he said. He tells her he loves her, he also regrets his words and he not leaving.
One year goes by and now she is read to “finally” forgives him. But don’t fool yourself, we are told that during the whole year he worked very hard proving his love while they were living together and having sex. Yeah he worked so fucking hard for her, such a big redemption
This shouldn’t be sold as a romance, instead the author should have warn people that this about a toxic relationship .
~Jackson is a piece of shit, a coward, an abusive and also a rapist
~Kennedy is a weak, pathetic woman
Kennedy, Jackson and his twin sister are best friends but Kendall and Jackson like each other but are not 100% aware that their feelings are reciprocated. **So obviously, Kennedy is a virgin waiting for Jackson to take her v card but Jackson has no problems about fucking others girls.
Jackson likes her but is too much of a coward to make a move using the excuse of being afraid he is gonna cause damage to Kennedy friendship with his sister. COWARD
** Later when he is assaulting her he says that she always wanted him so looks like she was not aware but he was
Kennedy and the twin go to a party while Jackson is out on a date fucking a girl he doesn’t even care about. They are drunk and called him to pick them up but he said he is right there but he is not there soon enough so they decided to leave. Kennedy was driving and there is a car accident they killed the twin.
Obs:
- Jackson told Kennedy he is not going because he has a date but she can call if she needs anything and he will be there
- He also told her his best friend Tylor is going to be at the party and he said he is going to watch the girls for him
- During this party Tylor assaulted Kennedy. He forced her to suck him off and that is the reason why she left drunk.
Two years go by and now they are 19/20 years old
During these years:
•Jackson is suffering so he deals with it focusing on momentary please. He becomes a whore and enjoys illegal fighting.
•Kennedy is depressed without no friends, she moved out of state, her fathers blames her, she can’t drive and is afraid of being on a car and feels uncomfortable around guys. She also cuts herself
They met again at college by coincidence
- Jackson starts bullying her and he also follows her around
Assaults:
1. Jackson manhandled her and grabs her by the throat thinking about killing her
2. He goes to her apartment taking her make up saying she wouldn’t cover the scar on her face caused by the accident so everybody can see what she has done
3. He is hard so he shoves his pants and underwear down demanding her to go down on him. She freaks out and panicked which confuses him because he doesn’t understand why she has such a big reaction (yeah I can’t believe that shit either) so he gives up and leave her
3.1 He goes to her apartamento again with the intention of making her suck him off, but he looks at a picture of her and his twin and goes crazy breaking things.
“Don’t you dare ever put up a picture of her again. You don’t deserve to see her smiling face. You deserve death. It should’ve been you. It should’ve been you!”
4. She went to one of his fights because she is afraid he is gonna her hurt (pathetic). He saw her there and that fuels him so yey he wins the fight and also $25k. He grabs her by to take her to his car but the doesn’t want to enter so he tells her to “get the fuck in, or I’ll put you in. I don’t care if you want to ride in a car with me. Your fears are not my fucking problem.” Then he pulls her inside the car in while she struggles
5. (Losing her virginity) He drives her to his house and says to her “You’re coming inside with me,” I tell her. She’s coming inside willingly, or I’m forcing her
- When they arrived at his apt “I’m gonna take a shower, and when I come back, you’ll be on your knees ready to suck me off–” “No! I won’t. Either we have sex, or I’m walking home.” In my opinion she suggested sex because she is freaking out and a decent human being would take her home. Instead, he bends her on the couch, asks her if she is on the pill and she is, the fucks her hard from behind pushing her head to a pillow.
During that freak show that happens:
“I hate you,” Jackson growls, releasing my hips, and moving a hand into my hair. He grabs a fistful of hair and tugs my head back, making my neck ache with the angle. My scalp burns, and for a moment, I am catapulted back to that night, the feeling too familiar.
No, no… I don’t want to think about that. Not now, not ever. This is Jackson, not him… I wanted this, asked for it. I force the ugly memories away and concentrate on the here and now. On Jackson. I can smell him all around me, his citrus scent. I am here. Not there.
***Saying that she wanted that shit to happens is ridiculous, a girl with issues who is mentally unstable being treated like shit by someone she grown up loving in order to avoid going down on him is rape
Her reaction after the “sex”: “tears start to form in my eyes, and bile rises up in my throat. I need to get out of here, leave, run away as far as I can, and never look back.”
His reaction:
“Fucking Christ, were you a virgin?” (...)She’s looked thoroughly fucked and sedated. If it wasn’t for the fucking tears in her eyes, I would say she looks pretty happy about it too. “Does it matter?” (...)
“Yes, it mattered. If I had known, I would have turned you around, so I could see the pain in your face when I took this part from you.” For the first time since we started this game of hate and revenge, I see something that looks a little like anger in her hazel eyes. “Fuck you, Jackson,” she grits through her teeth. Gesturing to my cock, I snicker. “Looks like you were the one that got fucked, so get your shit and get the fuck out.” Tugging my shorts back up, I watch as she winces when she moves.
6. During a dinner with their parents he is mad because his mother is nice to her so he drags to a corner, grands her tights hard because according to him he can cause her pain if there he also cause pleasure. But then he felt his scars since she cuts herself there, she freaks out and defending herself she hurt **
7. The second time he raped her: “Take your clothes off. I want to fuck you again.” Her mouth falls open in shock as if she can’t believe what I just said. What did she think I showed up here for in the middle of the night? “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” She can’t be serious, can she? Us fucking is always a good idea. It’s the only good thing between us. It’s either we fuck, or I’m hurting her or she’s hurting me. There are no other options. “I didn’t ask you what you thought. I told you to take off your clothes.” Folding my arms over my chest, I scowl down at her. “Tick tock. I don’t have all night. Do it, or I do it for you.” I watch her closely as she bites her bottom lip. Nervously, she looks around the room as if she is thinking about how to get out of this. (...) “I want you on your hands and knees. No fucking talking. I don’t want to hear a whimper or cry. I just want to fuck you. You owe me that much for making me bleed the other day.” **
8. His dearest friend Tylor arrives to a surprise visit and notices Kennedy. He tells Jackson that the reason she left the party drunk is because he wanted him to fuck her so Jackson would notice her and be jealous. Jackson doesn’t even contemplate asking her if this is true, he just goes after her, grabs her by her backpack shoving her hard into a wall. Kennedy hits her head and he says she deserved to suffer and suffocate on her own pain and misery. He tells her to kill herself. “Cut yourself a little deeper next time.”
Grovelling & Reconciliation
First of all there is no fucking redemption for this asshole, he doesn’t deserve her forgiveness and she should have ended up with another guy. He should have ended up living a miserable life because grief doesn’t excuse his behavior.
> Jackson is angry so he goes fighting to release tension but the other guy doesn’t show up so Tylor says he can fight Jackson because he wants the money. During the fight, Tylor tells the truth about assaulting Kennedy so Jackson beats the shit out of him.
> After the fight and almost killing Tylor he goes after Kennedy who is lying without conscience at the bathtub after cutting herself and losing a lot of blond
> Kennedy wakes up at the hospital mad at Jackson who refuses to leave her side saying he owns her that.
> She threw at his face about him telling her to lull herself and also says she hates him.
> He says he is sorry and that he loves her (incredible way of showing) so when she goes home and needs someone to be with her bc se can’t be left alone according to the doctor he moves in with her even though she is constantly telling him to leave.
> Kennedy is thinking about cutting herself again when Jackson arrives asking what she is doing. She is at the bathroom naked looking at her tights trying to inflict pain by pressing her cuts. Then, she opens the door to him saying she wants him to fuck her like he did the first time so he asks if she wants him to hurt her (see how that first time is an abuse) and the answer is yes. He is so freaking cute that he takes her to the bed but tell her he is never again hurting her so he will make her forget everything by making her feel good.
- he fucks her slow (true love here) after the sex she starts crying saying she loves him but doesn’t trust him about not leaving and also that she can’t forget what he said. He tells her he loves her, he also regrets his words and he not leaving.
One year goes by and now she is read to “finally” forgives him. But don’t fool yourself, we are told that during the whole year he worked very hard proving his love while they were living together and having sex. Yeah he worked so fucking hard for her, such a big redemption
This shouldn’t be sold as a romance, instead the author should have warn people that this about a toxic relationship .
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 28, 2020
It was a good read but also quite uncomfortable to read. I can’t help but blame Jackson for not being there that night and his reason for not was awful. The fact that he had feelings for heroine and still do what he did that night felt like such a betrayal and made his reason even more despicable to me. Kennedy was a more forgiving person than I would have been after everything he did and said that’s for sure!
I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.
I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
April 10, 2020
FIVE HEARTBREAKING STARS for Kennedy and Jackson 💛💛💛!!!
🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
"Regretting You" is a college bully romance that will break your heart in a thousand pieces and then put it together.
Kennedy and Jackson's relationship is anything but full of butterflies and happiness.
They are two broken souls who need to find out how to continue living after the tragedy with grief.
If you're love reading J.L. Beck and C. Hallman's books, then this is the book for you!
🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
"Regretting You" is a college bully romance that will break your heart in a thousand pieces and then put it together.
Kennedy and Jackson's relationship is anything but full of butterflies and happiness.
They are two broken souls who need to find out how to continue living after the tragedy with grief.
If you're love reading J.L. Beck and C. Hallman's books, then this is the book for you!
March 30, 2020
God what a book! It really packed a punch and nearly destroyed my poor heart. From the opening scene, it kicks you in the feels. It's full of so much angst and pain. This book hooked me from the start and still hasn't let me go. I'm in its clutches, wrecked in the best possible way by a story that is so emotionally explosive.
My heart absolutely broke for Kennedy. Not only did she lose her best friend and have to deal with that pain all alone, but then Jackson (her bestie's bro) decides that she's to blame and treats her so horribly. I hated him for most of this book, and Kennedy... I just wanted to reach through the pages and hug her tight. The pain and guilt that they felt was just eating them up inside, but they both dealt with it in all the wrong ways. It was absolutely heart-wrenching.
All in all, I enjoyed this book immensely. It is hands down my favorite book in the series. As I was reading this book I felt so many emotions. It was brilliantly mind-numbing, gripping and dark. If that sounds like something that you are looking for, then you have found a treasure. It's definitely something that I would pick up and reread. I loved it!
My heart absolutely broke for Kennedy. Not only did she lose her best friend and have to deal with that pain all alone, but then Jackson (her bestie's bro) decides that she's to blame and treats her so horribly. I hated him for most of this book, and Kennedy... I just wanted to reach through the pages and hug her tight. The pain and guilt that they felt was just eating them up inside, but they both dealt with it in all the wrong ways. It was absolutely heart-wrenching.
All in all, I enjoyed this book immensely. It is hands down my favorite book in the series. As I was reading this book I felt so many emotions. It was brilliantly mind-numbing, gripping and dark. If that sounds like something that you are looking for, then you have found a treasure. It's definitely something that I would pick up and reread. I loved it!
June 9, 2023
A FULL disclaimer should have been included, informing not forced on…unsuspecting readers.
This book contains objectionable and offensive material to some readers such as violent acts of sexual assault, explicit sex, verbal abuse, graphic depictions of self-inflicted harm and death. Bullying in this book includes the use of force, threatening, coercion, intimidating and aggressively dominating the central female character.
This was well-written, however, the subject matter, romanticises self-mutilation and bullying. Jackson was a psychopath and Kennedy had mental issues, including symptoms of Stockholm syndrome.
Jackson was a jacka**. In my opinion he had no redeemable qualities, he taunts her and calls her ‘Killer’. If he’s like this in Uni...can’t wait until he’s in the real world.
“Her name is Kennedy. She killed my sister.”
“Wait… What? She killed your sister? How is she walking free? Shouldn’t she be in jail?”
“She should be, but the judge thought otherwise. She got off with a slap on the wrist if you ask me,” I sneer, doing my best not to remember that day in court. How distraught and heartbroken she looked.
“She went to a party with my sister. Both of them were drunk. They called me to pick them up. I was with a girl. I told them I would be there soon, but Kennedy didn’t want to wait. They left, she drove the car and wrecked it halfway home. My sister was ejected. She died instantly. I was busy f@#$ing some chick that didn’t mean anything to me. I didn’t even talk to Nicole afterward. I should’ve been there that night, but I was thinking with my d*ck”.
Kennedy was Jillian’s best friend. Jackson and Jillian were twins until a night of bad decision making ends in tragedy with Kennedy being the catalyst and Jillian the victim.
What if she cuts herself too deep? I can’t have her death on my conscience, and I can’t lose her. I don’t know if I’m ready to forgive her or if I ever fully can, but I don’t want to lose her.
“This is nice… I mean, sex with you is great, fantastic even, but that’s all it can ever be.”
“I know,” I whisper, leaning back against the headboard. I can still feel his release against my thighs.
“Good. Maybe we’re not enemies anymore, but we aren’t friends either. I don’t know what the hell we are or even what we’re doing, but it can’t ever be more than sex, Kennedy. Okay?”
“I understand,” I tell him, hiding the emotions from my voice. All I’ll ever be to him is someone to get off with. Someone he can use for pleasure and discard afterward. Nothing more, nothing less.
Kennedy is psychologically unstable, in her mind his deplorable treatment of her translates to forgiveness or acceptance.
Jackson is twisted and they both need therapy. His friend Ty convinces him to keep his hatred fresh by claiming she came on to him, the night of the fatal accident. So he does what he does best, he doles out more verbal assault on a fragile individual.
“Did you think you could use me? That you could play me?” What is he talking about? I shake my head, trying to tell him that I don’t understand, but he only shoves me against the wall again. My head bounces off the brick, and I welcome the pain. It’s better than the fear, better than the throbbing ache in my chest.
“You’re a selfish b*tch and I can’t believe that I fell for your act, that I even considered forgiving you.”
“What?”
“Come on, killer, you didn’t think I wasn’t going to tell him, did you?” Tylor’s voice is like acid touching my skin, and when he touches his crotch, bile rises in my throat. Jackson’s entire body trembles with indescribable rage, and I flinch, afraid that he may actually hurt me. I’ve never seen him so angry, seen him so close to the edge (she is misguided, if she doesn’t recognise his Psychopathic tendencies).
“I thought if I showed you that I cared, we could both heal, but I realized today that you don’t deserve to heal. You deserve to suffocate, to drown in your own pain and misery.” Then he leans into me, his lip curled—I turn away, afraid of what may happen if I look him in the eyes—as he whispers, “Cut yourself a little deeper next time.”
Deep down, I knew I shouldn’t have trusted him. I ate out of his open palm, letting him feed me lies, and make me believe something that was far too good to be true. Between Jackson’s anger and Tylor’s presence, I’m in my own personal hell.
“I hate you, and I regret ever meeting you. I regret touching you. I regret everything between us,” he spits the words at me before turning around and walking away. Tylor stands there for another second, a wide smile spread across his face. I don’t even have to ask because I already know that he did this. He told Jackson a lie, and of course, he believed his friend over me. He didn’t even consider that Tylor was lying. He is convinced that I did whatever it is Tylor told him about me.
On autopilot, I walk into my bathroom and strip out of my pants, remembering his words… “Cut yourself a little deeper next time.” With shaking hands, I open the medicine cabinet and find the razor blades in their usual spot. Maybe part of me expected this to happen since I never threw them out. I step into the bathtub and sit down. This will be easier to clean up. It’s been a long time since I had a healing scab. Not having cut myself in days has left me without any fresh wounds. I take my legs in one last time, knowing that I’ll probably never see them like this again. My heart pounds against my ribcage as I find a smooth spot on my thigh and bring the blade to my skin. With one flick of my wrist, the sharp razor slices through my skin like a hot knife through butter I close my eyes and let my head fall back against the edge of the tub. The cut burns, but my mind relaxes, a calm washing over me in an instant. Guilt, sadness, and hopelessness return to me all too soon. He despises me. He hates me while I can’t stop loving him. Does he know I love him? He probably wouldn’t care either way. His face enters my mind, and I can’t shake how he looked at me with so much disgust and hate. He doesn’t love me, and he wouldn’t care if I died. No one would care if I wasn’t here. Not him, not my parents… no one. No one would care. Finding another spot, I make another cut. Slicing so deep, that blood trickles down both sides of my thigh. Another wave of serenity washes over me, drowning my mind into silence. My eyes roll back, and my head lulls to the side. I feel sated, calm, and satisfied, but I know the feeling won’t last long. I want it to last forever. Each slice is like another hit, another pulse-pounding euphoria. With my eyes shut and my head leaning back, I bring the blade back to my skin without looking or thinking, slicing again before the bad thoughts and feelings can return. I don’t want to let those demons back in, it’s too much to take. I continue cutting myself, never even opening my eyes to see what I’m doing. I just keep cutting, banishing everything ugly away and welcoming the peace and quiet I desperately long for. I slice and slice until the blade slips from my fingers, and my hands slide off my leg. My body is useless, just like my existence. No one wants me. No one needs me. Everybody will be better off when I’m gone.
Tylor
“I don’t even know what you like about her, she can’t even suck a d*ck right. Terrible gag reflex.”
“I know what I’m saying, a**hole! I said Kennedy can’t suck a d*ck. I had to hold her down and show her how to do it right that night at the party.” Did he just say what I think he said? He did what to Kennedy?
“You know she turned me down because of you?” He chuckles, and the puzzle pieces lock together. He… he hurt her.
This whole time she’s been hurting, and for a multitude of reasons, not just because of Jillian’s death but because of the events of that night.
Jackson
‘Cut yourself a little deeper next time’.
I want to rip my own tongue out for saying something so disgusting, so cruel, so horrendous. I knew she was suffering, but my own fragile state overshadowed that (his FRAGILE state, what’s fragile about him)⁉️He lost his sister, it’s a tragedy but she lost her best friend after being traumatised by his best friend’s sexual assault, while he was busy getting his freak on...yet he is fragile. Fragile my ar*e.
I was selfish and believed someone else without stopping to ask her what really happened. She was the one hurting the most. Jillian died, and the loss of her crushed me, but Kennedy went through so much more than the loss of her best friend. Had I been at the party that night and not thinking with my d*ck, maybe none of this would’ve happened. Maybe Kennedy wouldn’t have been assaulted, maybe Jillian would still be here.
(His fragile state, seriously? She’s in a bed attached to tubes almost bled to death but he still makes it about himself).
“Don’t apologize. I’m used to being beat down and treated like sh*t. I’ll survive, plus, it’s not like it’s the first time someone told me to kill myself.” I smile, knowing it’s a low blow, but I don’t care. He hurt me, ripped my heart out of my chest. He deserves to feel my pain, and it doesn’t matter how I deliver said pain.
“I deserve that…” He nods as if he’s reading my mind.
I should’ve seen how much she was hurting.
(How could you, when you were the one inflicting the pain)?
This book contains objectionable and offensive material to some readers such as violent acts of sexual assault, explicit sex, verbal abuse, graphic depictions of self-inflicted harm and death. Bullying in this book includes the use of force, threatening, coercion, intimidating and aggressively dominating the central female character.
This was well-written, however, the subject matter, romanticises self-mutilation and bullying. Jackson was a psychopath and Kennedy had mental issues, including symptoms of Stockholm syndrome.
Jackson was a jacka**. In my opinion he had no redeemable qualities, he taunts her and calls her ‘Killer’. If he’s like this in Uni...can’t wait until he’s in the real world.
“Her name is Kennedy. She killed my sister.”
“Wait… What? She killed your sister? How is she walking free? Shouldn’t she be in jail?”
“She should be, but the judge thought otherwise. She got off with a slap on the wrist if you ask me,” I sneer, doing my best not to remember that day in court. How distraught and heartbroken she looked.
“She went to a party with my sister. Both of them were drunk. They called me to pick them up. I was with a girl. I told them I would be there soon, but Kennedy didn’t want to wait. They left, she drove the car and wrecked it halfway home. My sister was ejected. She died instantly. I was busy f@#$ing some chick that didn’t mean anything to me. I didn’t even talk to Nicole afterward. I should’ve been there that night, but I was thinking with my d*ck”.
Kennedy was Jillian’s best friend. Jackson and Jillian were twins until a night of bad decision making ends in tragedy with Kennedy being the catalyst and Jillian the victim.
What if she cuts herself too deep? I can’t have her death on my conscience, and I can’t lose her. I don’t know if I’m ready to forgive her or if I ever fully can, but I don’t want to lose her.
“This is nice… I mean, sex with you is great, fantastic even, but that’s all it can ever be.”
“I know,” I whisper, leaning back against the headboard. I can still feel his release against my thighs.
“Good. Maybe we’re not enemies anymore, but we aren’t friends either. I don’t know what the hell we are or even what we’re doing, but it can’t ever be more than sex, Kennedy. Okay?”
“I understand,” I tell him, hiding the emotions from my voice. All I’ll ever be to him is someone to get off with. Someone he can use for pleasure and discard afterward. Nothing more, nothing less.
Kennedy is psychologically unstable, in her mind his deplorable treatment of her translates to forgiveness or acceptance.
Jackson is twisted and they both need therapy. His friend Ty convinces him to keep his hatred fresh by claiming she came on to him, the night of the fatal accident. So he does what he does best, he doles out more verbal assault on a fragile individual.
“Did you think you could use me? That you could play me?” What is he talking about? I shake my head, trying to tell him that I don’t understand, but he only shoves me against the wall again. My head bounces off the brick, and I welcome the pain. It’s better than the fear, better than the throbbing ache in my chest.
“You’re a selfish b*tch and I can’t believe that I fell for your act, that I even considered forgiving you.”
“What?”
“Come on, killer, you didn’t think I wasn’t going to tell him, did you?” Tylor’s voice is like acid touching my skin, and when he touches his crotch, bile rises in my throat. Jackson’s entire body trembles with indescribable rage, and I flinch, afraid that he may actually hurt me. I’ve never seen him so angry, seen him so close to the edge (she is misguided, if she doesn’t recognise his Psychopathic tendencies).
“I thought if I showed you that I cared, we could both heal, but I realized today that you don’t deserve to heal. You deserve to suffocate, to drown in your own pain and misery.” Then he leans into me, his lip curled—I turn away, afraid of what may happen if I look him in the eyes—as he whispers, “Cut yourself a little deeper next time.”
Deep down, I knew I shouldn’t have trusted him. I ate out of his open palm, letting him feed me lies, and make me believe something that was far too good to be true. Between Jackson’s anger and Tylor’s presence, I’m in my own personal hell.
“I hate you, and I regret ever meeting you. I regret touching you. I regret everything between us,” he spits the words at me before turning around and walking away. Tylor stands there for another second, a wide smile spread across his face. I don’t even have to ask because I already know that he did this. He told Jackson a lie, and of course, he believed his friend over me. He didn’t even consider that Tylor was lying. He is convinced that I did whatever it is Tylor told him about me.
On autopilot, I walk into my bathroom and strip out of my pants, remembering his words… “Cut yourself a little deeper next time.” With shaking hands, I open the medicine cabinet and find the razor blades in their usual spot. Maybe part of me expected this to happen since I never threw them out. I step into the bathtub and sit down. This will be easier to clean up. It’s been a long time since I had a healing scab. Not having cut myself in days has left me without any fresh wounds. I take my legs in one last time, knowing that I’ll probably never see them like this again. My heart pounds against my ribcage as I find a smooth spot on my thigh and bring the blade to my skin. With one flick of my wrist, the sharp razor slices through my skin like a hot knife through butter I close my eyes and let my head fall back against the edge of the tub. The cut burns, but my mind relaxes, a calm washing over me in an instant. Guilt, sadness, and hopelessness return to me all too soon. He despises me. He hates me while I can’t stop loving him. Does he know I love him? He probably wouldn’t care either way. His face enters my mind, and I can’t shake how he looked at me with so much disgust and hate. He doesn’t love me, and he wouldn’t care if I died. No one would care if I wasn’t here. Not him, not my parents… no one. No one would care. Finding another spot, I make another cut. Slicing so deep, that blood trickles down both sides of my thigh. Another wave of serenity washes over me, drowning my mind into silence. My eyes roll back, and my head lulls to the side. I feel sated, calm, and satisfied, but I know the feeling won’t last long. I want it to last forever. Each slice is like another hit, another pulse-pounding euphoria. With my eyes shut and my head leaning back, I bring the blade back to my skin without looking or thinking, slicing again before the bad thoughts and feelings can return. I don’t want to let those demons back in, it’s too much to take. I continue cutting myself, never even opening my eyes to see what I’m doing. I just keep cutting, banishing everything ugly away and welcoming the peace and quiet I desperately long for. I slice and slice until the blade slips from my fingers, and my hands slide off my leg. My body is useless, just like my existence. No one wants me. No one needs me. Everybody will be better off when I’m gone.
Tylor
“I don’t even know what you like about her, she can’t even suck a d*ck right. Terrible gag reflex.”
“I know what I’m saying, a**hole! I said Kennedy can’t suck a d*ck. I had to hold her down and show her how to do it right that night at the party.” Did he just say what I think he said? He did what to Kennedy?
“You know she turned me down because of you?” He chuckles, and the puzzle pieces lock together. He… he hurt her.
This whole time she’s been hurting, and for a multitude of reasons, not just because of Jillian’s death but because of the events of that night.
Jackson
‘Cut yourself a little deeper next time’.
I want to rip my own tongue out for saying something so disgusting, so cruel, so horrendous. I knew she was suffering, but my own fragile state overshadowed that (his FRAGILE state, what’s fragile about him)⁉️He lost his sister, it’s a tragedy but she lost her best friend after being traumatised by his best friend’s sexual assault, while he was busy getting his freak on...yet he is fragile. Fragile my ar*e.
I was selfish and believed someone else without stopping to ask her what really happened. She was the one hurting the most. Jillian died, and the loss of her crushed me, but Kennedy went through so much more than the loss of her best friend. Had I been at the party that night and not thinking with my d*ck, maybe none of this would’ve happened. Maybe Kennedy wouldn’t have been assaulted, maybe Jillian would still be here.
(His fragile state, seriously? She’s in a bed attached to tubes almost bled to death but he still makes it about himself).
“Don’t apologize. I’m used to being beat down and treated like sh*t. I’ll survive, plus, it’s not like it’s the first time someone told me to kill myself.” I smile, knowing it’s a low blow, but I don’t care. He hurt me, ripped my heart out of my chest. He deserves to feel my pain, and it doesn’t matter how I deliver said pain.
“I deserve that…” He nods as if he’s reading my mind.
I should’ve seen how much she was hurting.
(How could you, when you were the one inflicting the pain)?
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
April 15, 2020
I enjoyed this book. However, Jackson was a complete asshole in the first half of the book. I was really angry about everything he was doing. Thing changes when he realizes Kennedy is also suffering. But still, I think Kennedy is much more forgiving. She suffered a lot, not even her parents were supportive. On top of that Jackson mistreated her. He changes later, completely understands her, but I still think he should have try to understand her earlier. This book was emotional, and I was constantly on the edge when Jackson will know that Kennedy isn't okay, needs help and his mistreatment was having a very negative impact on her.
Later in the book Jackson become patient and supports her in everything. While reading I felt really bad about Kennedy. She didn't deserve the mistreatment she got from Jackson. The book was rushed, but very captivating and emotional too. But I still think it could have been better.
Later in the book Jackson become patient and supports her in everything. While reading I felt really bad about Kennedy. She didn't deserve the mistreatment she got from Jackson. The book was rushed, but very captivating and emotional too. But I still think it could have been better.
March 29, 2020
This is my favorite book in this series. It's the kind of book that rips your heart out, twists it around and shoves it back in your chest. It's got heavy subject matter and in my opinion the darkest of the series. C. Hallman finds it to be the tamest, which makes us laugh because it just proves the darkness of a book is extremely subjective.
Jackson and Kennedy will ruin you. Get ready for another Blackthorn romance.
Jackson and Kennedy will ruin you. Get ready for another Blackthorn romance.
November 30, 2020
Lisa made me do it. This is probably closer to 2.5 - it takes a lot for me to love a bully romance lol. Trigger warnings: assault, sexual assault, cutting/self-harm
April 3, 2020
I found this was the most tame book out of this series, while J.L. Beck thought this was the darkest one we've written. This is a perfect example of how everyone categorises dark romance in their own personal way. There is no set scale we can use to determine how dark a book is because it's different for each person.
October 7, 2020
A dark bully romance!!!! It was so good but beware of trigger warnings : cutting, blood, depression and anxiety, sexual assault (not done between main male and main female)
December 27, 2020
2.75 🌟
These books are just guilty pleasure reads and since I've read all the rest I wanted to finish the series. It was a quick and easy read, dramatic AF and enjoyable enough for me to finish but it also followed a similar formula to the others in the series and I really disliked that the hero was quick to cut the heroine off in an extremely cruel way over a misunderstanding and the story wrapped up too quick, a few extra chapters would've helped. Plus why do all these people have the worst parents (mainly fathers) ever.
I personally don't need trigger warnings but this book has quite a few so please take caution before reading.
Content Warning //
These books are just guilty pleasure reads and since I've read all the rest I wanted to finish the series. It was a quick and easy read, dramatic AF and enjoyable enough for me to finish but it also followed a similar formula to the others in the series and I really disliked that the hero was quick to cut the heroine off in an extremely cruel way over a misunderstanding and the story wrapped up too quick, a few extra chapters would've helped. Plus why do all these people have the worst parents (mainly fathers) ever.
I personally don't need trigger warnings but this book has quite a few so please take caution before reading.
Content Warning //
April 3, 2020
Jackson and Kennedy’s story is my favorite of the series! These two are both damaged and dealing with so much hurt but they are dealing with it differently. She’s become meek and he sees blind rage when he even thinks of her. Once upon time they loved each other now he only wants to make her feel the pain he feels without noticing she is already in a dark place too. These two might be my favorite writing duo
July 15, 2020
Get it here:
Amazon US * Amazon UK
This book was exactly what I was in the mood for and I loved all the emotions involved in the story. It was honestly almost a five star for me but then ending was so abrupt I felt like we were cut off before the story could actually finish. There was an epilogue but also a lot of story that could have happened from the last scene before that. Also this didn't take from my enjoyment of the story at all but it was weird that it took so long for it to be mentioned that Jackson had been the twin of Kennedy's best friend. There was awhile in the book that I was trying to figure out if he was older or younger so I just found it odd that that wasn't something mentioned earlier in the book.
Amazon US * Amazon UK
This book was exactly what I was in the mood for and I loved all the emotions involved in the story. It was honestly almost a five star for me but then ending was so abrupt I felt like we were cut off before the story could actually finish. There was an epilogue but also a lot of story that could have happened from the last scene before that. Also this didn't take from my enjoyment of the story at all but it was weird that it took so long for it to be mentioned that Jackson had been the twin of Kennedy's best friend. There was awhile in the book that I was trying to figure out if he was older or younger so I just found it odd that that wasn't something mentioned earlier in the book.
April 4, 2020
This Story Came Out SWINGING
*arc generously provided by the promo team in exchange for an honest review*
“I can't fix him, can't make him better
And I can't do nothing about his strange weather
But you are unfixable
I can't break through your world
'Cause you live in shades of cool.”
Shades Of Cool – Lana Del Rey
What’s this book about? (I'm trying to give as little spoilers as possible)
Jackson wants revenge, for Kennedy Myers took something from him that she wasn’t supposed to take; his happiness. Be careful sensitive readers. There’s self-harm and suicidal thoughts/situations.
ME MOST OF THE TIME I WAS READING:
I don’t know how many Beck & Hallman books I’ve read, but it’s a lot. I connected with this story. In my opinion, this is by far the best work I’ve read by these ladies! It was a page turner. I related to the characters and I was invested in it effortlessly. While the previous books of the series had a high focus on the steamy aspect of the story, here, we get all the feels. Broken hearts are handed out. Everyone gets one. I felt for Jackson. He was all the bad you want in a bully, but he had a heart and real issues. Plus, at times, he was hilarious, in a dark way. Kennedy wasn’t a push-over. She struggled. She felt like a complete person with all her edges and curves. I LOVED HER and I FELT SO MUCH FOR HER, poor baby. I think she was named Kennedy because like JFK she fought for the rights, y’all (This is so inappropriate ugh I hope JFK forgives me for this). Jackson and Kennedy’s dynamic was incredible. I haven’t had that much darkly delicious fun reading a bully romance in a little while. When it was time for darkness, which was most of the book, I couldn’t stop reading. What a compelling pair these two make! The families surrounding them had a nice part to play, too. Characters from the previous books made appearances and it was just lovely; I liked having them around again.
There was so much heartbreak and regret in this story. I found myself reading and never wanting to stop. When I turned the page and found that I had reached the epilogue, I was like WHAT !?!?!?!?!?! ALREADY!?!?!??! I WANT MORE!!!!!!! The ending was appropriate and it didn’t feel rushed to me.
I recommend this to readers that love themselves a dark bully romance with ALL THE FEELS, tortured heroes that have two things in mind, HURT and REVENGE, and strong heroines that are struggling to keep themselves afloat but aren’t giving up the fight that easily nonetheless.
Original comment: Best book of theirs. Yas.
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*arc generously provided by the promo team in exchange for an honest review*
“I can't fix him, can't make him better
And I can't do nothing about his strange weather
But you are unfixable
I can't break through your world
'Cause you live in shades of cool.”
Shades Of Cool – Lana Del Rey
What’s this book about? (I'm trying to give as little spoilers as possible)
Jackson wants revenge, for Kennedy Myers took something from him that she wasn’t supposed to take; his happiness. Be careful sensitive readers. There’s self-harm and suicidal thoughts/situations.
ME MOST OF THE TIME I WAS READING:
I don’t know how many Beck & Hallman books I’ve read, but it’s a lot. I connected with this story. In my opinion, this is by far the best work I’ve read by these ladies! It was a page turner. I related to the characters and I was invested in it effortlessly. While the previous books of the series had a high focus on the steamy aspect of the story, here, we get all the feels. Broken hearts are handed out. Everyone gets one. I felt for Jackson. He was all the bad you want in a bully, but he had a heart and real issues. Plus, at times, he was hilarious, in a dark way. Kennedy wasn’t a push-over. She struggled. She felt like a complete person with all her edges and curves. I LOVED HER and I FELT SO MUCH FOR HER, poor baby. I think she was named Kennedy because like JFK she fought for the rights, y’all (This is so inappropriate ugh I hope JFK forgives me for this). Jackson and Kennedy’s dynamic was incredible. I haven’t had that much darkly delicious fun reading a bully romance in a little while. When it was time for darkness, which was most of the book, I couldn’t stop reading. What a compelling pair these two make! The families surrounding them had a nice part to play, too. Characters from the previous books made appearances and it was just lovely; I liked having them around again.
There was so much heartbreak and regret in this story. I found myself reading and never wanting to stop. When I turned the page and found that I had reached the epilogue, I was like WHAT !?!?!?!?!?! ALREADY!?!?!??! I WANT MORE!!!!!!! The ending was appropriate and it didn’t feel rushed to me.
I recommend this to readers that love themselves a dark bully romance with ALL THE FEELS, tortured heroes that have two things in mind, HURT and REVENGE, and strong heroines that are struggling to keep themselves afloat but aren’t giving up the fight that easily nonetheless.
Original comment: Best book of theirs. Yas.
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May 26, 2020
Good read
This was a really good read. The story was understandable. No real ow/om drama. Trigger warning of sexual assault in the heroines past. Strong heroine. Hero actually actually has to work for his forgiveness. He was pretty amazing when he needed to be. Would have rated it 5 stars if the author hadn’t slid in the douchiness of his screwing another girl while the heroine was sexually assaulted (leading to her quickly leaving a party after drinking). She drove and got into an accident where his sister was also killed (which is the entire premise of the heroes hatred towards her in the present). He didn’t even want to go out with the other girl that night. But chose random sex over her and his sister. He was “in love” with her, but didn’t pursue her because it could be complicated. Long story short, I’m not a fan of horrible things happening because the hero lacks balls. At least in this case the two hadn’t started anything back then, and once they do in the present he doesn’t so much as touch another girl. That (and his determination to get her to forgive him) almost made up for the previous issues, so I still had to rate it 4 stars!
This was a really good read. The story was understandable. No real ow/om drama. Trigger warning of sexual assault in the heroines past. Strong heroine. Hero actually actually has to work for his forgiveness. He was pretty amazing when he needed to be. Would have rated it 5 stars if the author hadn’t slid in the douchiness of his screwing another girl while the heroine was sexually assaulted (leading to her quickly leaving a party after drinking). She drove and got into an accident where his sister was also killed (which is the entire premise of the heroes hatred towards her in the present). He didn’t even want to go out with the other girl that night. But chose random sex over her and his sister. He was “in love” with her, but didn’t pursue her because it could be complicated. Long story short, I’m not a fan of horrible things happening because the hero lacks balls. At least in this case the two hadn’t started anything back then, and once they do in the present he doesn’t so much as touch another girl. That (and his determination to get her to forgive him) almost made up for the previous issues, so I still had to rate it 4 stars!
September 11, 2021
Please save me from another book where the author writes a brilliant build-up of angst and lets everything down with a craptastic lack of relationship repair work being done. No redemption at all for what he put heroine through.
Book had no real grovel, not even a significant apology, filled only with “Hero’s” woe is me thoughts (me, me, me!), too many anguished looks, and laughable “I’ll never leave you now” speeches.
I wanted him to leave. So much. 🤷🏼♀️
Book had no real grovel, not even a significant apology, filled only with “Hero’s” woe is me thoughts (me, me, me!), too many anguished looks, and laughable “I’ll never leave you now” speeches.
I wanted him to leave. So much. 🤷🏼♀️
avoid
August 15, 2023self note avoid
didnt read the book but hate everyone already.
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
didnt read the book but hate everyone already.
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
April 4, 2020
Regretting You is book 4 in the ‘Blackthorn Elite’ series by J.L. Beck and C. Hallman. The book focuses on the characters Kennedy and Jackson and it is a really tragic story. Kennedy used to be best friends with Jackson’s sister until tragedy struck and she was left alone, depressed and just trying to get through life. That takes her to Blackthorn Academy where she is thrown once again onto Jackson’s radar, the boy that she secretly crushed on forever but who has now changed into a cruel, malicious bully who is out to get Kennedy for the wrongs that she has done.
Kennedy and Jackson’s story is tragic. Jackson is a former shadow of himself, always angry, getting into fights to feel pain and making sure that Kennedy knows how much he hates her. But, underneath is a young man who is still trying to get over his sisters death and needs someone to blame. At times he is really cruel to Kennedy and can’t seem to see what is going on in front of his eyes. He comes across as quite aloof from feeling anything but you do see the cracks appear with the more time he spends with Kennedy, although there were still a lot of times in the book where you wanted to smack him up in the head for how cruel and sometimes obtuse he was. He understood though that there were some things he said that he could never take back and only show Kennedy how much he cared.
Kennedy is one of those characters that you just want to wrap up in cotton wool and never let go. Feeling guilt, remorse, dealing with the death of her best friends, parents who don’t really see what is going on. There is a lot going on in her life and to add to the mix is Jackson who although she loves him, is often cruel and torturous in the relationship that he has with her. There are some definite OMG moments with Kennedy and the last quarter of the book, my heart just broke for her.
The scenes between Kennedy and Jackson are hot, steamy, page turning and everything in between. Regardless if you like Jackson or not, he is kind of an anti-hero in this book and Kennedy is stronger than she thinks and beautifully broken.
The authors are so good at weaving the reader into this story and you certainly feel for both the characters. It is intense, gripping, sad, horrific and steamy all at once and may contain triggers which some readers find difficult to read. But if you persevere, it is a cruelly beautiful book that you will engage with and enjoy.
ARC received for a fair, honest and sometimes long review 😊
More of my reviews can be found on my blog: https://thehotmesslibrary.blogspot.com
Kennedy and Jackson’s story is tragic. Jackson is a former shadow of himself, always angry, getting into fights to feel pain and making sure that Kennedy knows how much he hates her. But, underneath is a young man who is still trying to get over his sisters death and needs someone to blame. At times he is really cruel to Kennedy and can’t seem to see what is going on in front of his eyes. He comes across as quite aloof from feeling anything but you do see the cracks appear with the more time he spends with Kennedy, although there were still a lot of times in the book where you wanted to smack him up in the head for how cruel and sometimes obtuse he was. He understood though that there were some things he said that he could never take back and only show Kennedy how much he cared.
Kennedy is one of those characters that you just want to wrap up in cotton wool and never let go. Feeling guilt, remorse, dealing with the death of her best friends, parents who don’t really see what is going on. There is a lot going on in her life and to add to the mix is Jackson who although she loves him, is often cruel and torturous in the relationship that he has with her. There are some definite OMG moments with Kennedy and the last quarter of the book, my heart just broke for her.
The scenes between Kennedy and Jackson are hot, steamy, page turning and everything in between. Regardless if you like Jackson or not, he is kind of an anti-hero in this book and Kennedy is stronger than she thinks and beautifully broken.
The authors are so good at weaving the reader into this story and you certainly feel for both the characters. It is intense, gripping, sad, horrific and steamy all at once and may contain triggers which some readers find difficult to read. But if you persevere, it is a cruelly beautiful book that you will engage with and enjoy.
ARC received for a fair, honest and sometimes long review 😊
More of my reviews can be found on my blog: https://thehotmesslibrary.blogspot.com
March 29, 2020
4.5 stars
So I made the “mistake” of starting this arc at 10 pm bc it was 3:45 am when I was finally closing my kindle app. I’ve enjoyed this series but this book I felt more of an emotional connection I had with any of the other characters in this series.
My heart broke for Jackson, Kennedy and even Jillian. Their grief felt real even though I hated Jackson so much at times. You will fight for these two even through all the pain and the torture you know these two are meant to be together.
I would have loved to seen more of them at the end. In fact, I wanted more of them at the end. It felt almost abruptly ended.
So I made the “mistake” of starting this arc at 10 pm bc it was 3:45 am when I was finally closing my kindle app. I’ve enjoyed this series but this book I felt more of an emotional connection I had with any of the other characters in this series.
My heart broke for Jackson, Kennedy and even Jillian. Their grief felt real even though I hated Jackson so much at times. You will fight for these two even through all the pain and the torture you know these two are meant to be together.
I would have loved to seen more of them at the end. In fact, I wanted more of them at the end. It felt almost abruptly ended.
April 6, 2020
Regretting You takes us back to Blackthorn Elite College. And I have to say that just when you think it can't get worse with these boys they take you even deeper into their misery and secrets. Maybe I need to read them in order and then they won't seem so evil, but I have to say I really don't think so.
Jackson is a nasty little man that needs some help with his pain, but to deal with his anger issues he decides to take them out on Kennedy. I feel so much for Kennedy in this story. These two have gone through so much separately and it would be great to see them deal with it together. But little of that happens until almost the end.
Again J.L. and Cassandra show their heart and soul in their book. Love this book!
April 17, 2020
Book 4 in the Blackthorn Elite series. It is a dark bully romance so if that is not for you, then you will probably won’t want to read this story. I enjoyed the story. Jackson and Kennedy had a very intense relationship. They had a very intense chemistry and pull between them. Great addition to the series.
I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.
I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.
April 3, 2020
Regretting You (Blackthorn Elite #4)
by J.L. Beck & Cassandra Hallman
5 STARS ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
Regretting You is the fourth book in the Blackthorn Elite series by authors J.L. Beck & Cassandra Hallman, it's written in dual POV and tells the story of Jackson and Kennedy.
My heart broke for both of the, Jackson & Kennedy. They both lost someone important to them, Jackson his sister, and Kennedy, her best friend, in a car crash, a car that she was driving.
I hated Jackson, because, in my opinion he was more guilty than Kennedy, but she forgived him pretty much easily.
Regretting You is a book that I enjoyed, it wasn't that dark, in my opinion, obviously.
But it was a great read and very emotionally.
by J.L. Beck & Cassandra Hallman
5 STARS ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
Regretting You is the fourth book in the Blackthorn Elite series by authors J.L. Beck & Cassandra Hallman, it's written in dual POV and tells the story of Jackson and Kennedy.
My heart broke for both of the, Jackson & Kennedy. They both lost someone important to them, Jackson his sister, and Kennedy, her best friend, in a car crash, a car that she was driving.
I hated Jackson, because, in my opinion he was more guilty than Kennedy, but she forgived him pretty much easily.
Regretting You is a book that I enjoyed, it wasn't that dark, in my opinion, obviously.
But it was a great read and very emotionally.
April 8, 2020
This was a good read. Kennedy is starting college and she finds out that Jackson is going here too. He is still upset about his sister dying and blames Kennedy. He makes it his mission to destroy her life. Thankfully by the end he gets his act together and they have a happy ending.
November 13, 2024
omfg i need to write a review but i need to do hw lol ill write one later. OK BACK!
hmm okay, first of all i'm a little confused. i saw this book on reddit and goodreads originally as “regretting you,” but on kindle it's called, “vicious regret”, ? anyways, ok!
so, the reason i mainly read this book was because i wanted a book that was somewhat similar to black knight, a book that highlighted the fmcs problems with herself, sh, and other mental health representation. this book 100% delivered, but that doesn't mean it was a great book. taste is subjective, i would just like to say that to begin with. ultimately, i rated this book 4 stars, although there were various parts that were very iffy. from the prologue and the summary, i knew it would revolve around the mmc hating the fmc from an accident which took away his twin sister. this book felt extremely fast paced, as the very first couple of pages start with,
“the hate i feel for her is all-consuming. it should terrify me. the things i’ve thought of doing to her should rattle me to the bones, but it doesn’t. staring at the entrance to the bookstore, i try to act as if i’m not looking for someone. it took me hours to calm myself enough to get to this point. i don’t know what the hell i’m doing. all i know is revenge, anger, and hate are burning through me, threatening to take over any rational thinking.”
then immediately cuts to him trying to strangle her,
“i don’t even think as my hand wraps around her delicate throat. her pulse thunders under my grip, but she doesn’t make an effort to fight me off or run away. i make note of how strange that is but push the thought away before it can latch onto my subconscious. focusing all my attention on her, i visualize how easy it would be to give her the same fate my sister had been given. burning rage simmers just beneath the surface, and i squeeze tighter, ignoring her whimper and the fear pooling in her eyes. what kind of person does it make me if i want to watch life fade from her eyes?”
so it goes from this, to him slowly starting to care a little more, but ultimately continuously highlighting the fact that he lives to torment her. also we immediately get a glance at how bad her cutting problem is, it is immediate that she is very unwell and deeply traumatized, but no one around her grasps that, since they all blame her.
“i’m not scared of him. there is no pain he can inflict on me greater than the pain i’m already inflicting on myself.”
“pain triumphs any and all other emotions, it swallows them whole. pain is the only thing that shuts it all down.”
“every time i do this, it becomes a little harder not to cut deeper, to stop myself from sinking the blade as deep as i can. do i want to kill myself? i don’t know. what i do know is i’ll do anything for five seconds of silence. watching as the blood drips slowly down my leg, i feel satisfied. my vision becomes blurry, and my skin burns where the blade sliced through it, but it doesn’t hurt. i think it should hurt, though all i feel is sated.”
ok so this book basically goes back and forth between him tormenting her, breaking into her house, damaging her property, threatening to ruin her life, then we get to a very questionable scene where he's about to force her to suck him off. it was so insane actually, i don't think i can get past this, especially because it was repeated once more, and it was just so crazy. then he rects like this to her crying and breaking down,
““stop it! stop this fucking show and get up,” i yell at her, but she doesn’t respond at all. for a few moments, i just stood there watching her fall apart at my feet. what the fuck is wrong with her? this isn’t just fear. this is something else. something that i’m not sure i can comprehend right now. fear, i can handle, begging me not to do something, i can handle, but a complete and utter breakdown, turning in on yourself. i can’t fucking do it.”
ok after this it kinda gets better lol. well no then this happens, ““don’t you dare ever put up a picture of her again. you don’t deserve to see her smiling face. you deserve death. it should’ve been you. it should’ve been you!” he screams, the sound splinters through me. for a long moment, he stands there staring at me like a bull ready to charge, and then out of nowhere, he turns around and leaves.”
a bit after this there's a scene where families come to visit their students on school grounds, so she meets up with her parents. a big part of the plot is her mom kinda trying to sweep this trauma under the rug and ignoring her very obvious mental health problems, and her dad just fucking hates her, its insane. there's also a scene right before this of her almost dying because she crosses a busy street, and he saves her? it was very confusing. “shifting in my arms, she looks up at me, fear written in her features. i want to shake her for being so stupid. for not paying attention. does she want to die? why wouldn’t she look up before crossing a busy street?”
as if he hasn't been physically attacking her and verbally harassing her lmao? oh wait, then she loses her virginity to him (kinda by force it's weird), and when he finds out he's just kinda like ok lol? he literally says,
““yes, it mattered. if i had known, i would have turned you around, so i could see the pain in your face when i took this part from you.” for the first time since we started this game of hate and revenge, i see something that looks a little like anger in her hazel eyes. “fuck you, jackson,” she grits through her teeth. gesturing to my cock, i snicker. “looks like you were the one that got fucked, so get your shit and get the fuck out.” tugging my shorts back up, i watch as she winces when she moves. god, i’m an asshole. this takes the cake on all the shitty things i’ve done to her so far, but i know worse will come. i’m not done making her life miserable, not by a long shot.”
ok now the parent thing, she meets up with jackson's parents, they forgive her, jackson is pissed, then confronts her and starts touching her thigh (?) and feels scabs, which don't really click for him, but obviously he knows something is off yk. ok, kinda random events occur here, then she goes missing for 3 days, jackson starts going insane, contacts her mom who finds an online charge for a hotel in another town over, and he goes. essentially the reason she leaves is because she sees him with another girl and she goes on a tangent about how she feels used,
“i knew all of this, and yet seeing him with another girl has my heart aching and my stomach-churning. i can handle him hating me, punishing me, even using me. but i can’t handle this. i can’t handle being one of his many girls, his second choice at best. the thought of him having sex with someone only hours before he has sex with me… i can’t do it. pressing a hand to my stomach, i feel the need to vomit away.”
here's where the confrontation about the cuts happens, and his reaction is honestly pretty like.. idk lol. first he essentially makes her choose between having sex with him or showing him the scars (which he doesn't know are self harm or exactly what they is at the moment). “his breathing changes, and i cringe when i feel his gentle touch on my mutilated skin. he’s inspecting them now, the rough edge of his finger traces each line.
“who did this to you?” the words come out in a rough whisper, and i wonder if he meant to even ask the question. i don’t respond, my throat too tight with fear. everything is going to fall apart now. he knows… god, he knows.”
so he goes on a whole angry rant about like who did this to you, but i feel like it was pretty obvious it was self inflicted? idk. anyways,
““me!” i snap, “it’s me. i’m hurting myself. i’m the reason there are scars on my thighs, i did it. are you happy now? you know my secret. go off and tell everyone. i don’t care anymore.” my heart cracks in my chest, and it’s like every feeling i’ve been holding in pushes through to the surface. “y-you?” he chokes on the single word. i give him a sad smile. “yeah.””
so eventually after this they cuddle in bed, he kinda starts regretting everything since he feels guilty for the self harm, and they kinda make up. his pov was very like hmm too,
”instead, it made me sick, made me hate myself a little bit. knowing she was cutting herself, causing herself physical pain. all along, she had been suffering right in front of me. i was just too self-absorbed to see it. too wrapped up in my own pain, in wanting to make sure she was hurting, to notice that she was.”
then proceeds to say, “what if she cuts herself too deep? i can’t have her death on my conscience, and i can’t lose her. i don’t know if i’m ready to forgive her or if i ever fully can, but i don’t want to lose her.”
as if he wasn't wishing death on her a couple pages before lol. then they go back to school and have a somewhat peace treaty where they don't talk, but he leaves her alone. then eventually he goes to a party, gets flirted with by a girl, but realizes all he can think about is her, so he goes to visit her and essentially takes her on a date, and after this they have sex again and everything seem okay, even if he does tell her that they aren't friends or enemies, they just.. are somewhere in between.
““good. maybe we’re not enemies anymore, but we aren’t friends either. i don’t know what the hell we are or even what we’re doing, but it can’t ever be more than sex, kennedy. okay?” it’s like he’s reassuring himself more than me, but i don’t say that. i don’t want to fight with him after sharing such an incredible moment together. “i understand,” i tell him, hiding the emotions from my voice.”
ok so remember the mental breakdown when he was about to force her to suck him off, turns out it wasn't just her being scared of him, but reliving trauma since she got sexually assaulted at the party from which she drove home from and killed his sister. his best friend of highschool did it, and he makes him believe that she came onto him then got angry that he rejected her, which leads to an insane series of events, starting with jackson getting very irrational. instead of asking her or confronting her privately, he corners her into an alley alongside his best friend and begins to say, ““answer me!” jackson yells into my face. his fingers dig into my upper arms as he gives me a shake as if he is trying to shake a response out of me. his grip is so tight, my arms hurt. the same hands that caressed me last night, now leave bruises on my skin.”
which is then followed by the crazziestt fucking..
“ then he leans into me, his lip curled—i turn away, afraid of what may happen if i look him in the eyes—as he whispers, “cut yourself a little deeper next time.” he doesn’t know it, but his words cut me deeper than any wound i could ever inflict on myself. he could throw me to the wall hard enough to crack my skull, and it wouldn’t hurt as much as this. deep down, i knew i shouldn’t have trusted him. i ate out of his open palm, letting him feed me lies, and make me believe something that was far too good to be true. between jackson’s anger and tylor’s presence, i’m in my own personal hell.”
so then she goes on to commit suicide… well kind of. i don't think it was intentional, but she ends up actually cutting too deep and begins to bleed out. back to jacksons pov, he was really into underground fighting (to cope with his anger issues), and he ends up fighting his best friend since the guy that was supposed to be there was a no show. then his best friends, to rile him up or distract him idk, admit that he lied and that he sexually assaulted the fmc. so he goes batshit, wins the fight, then rushes over to her apartment, immediately feeling something wrong, then breaks in and finds her almost lifeless body bleeding out. okay this spacing was already pretty weird, but then it goes onto the recovery, where he essentially promises to be there every step of the recovery, but she's obviously not having it. then her parents come, her dad stillll doesnt give a fuck about her, and her mom just kinda doesn’t know what to say and its obvious she doesnt care all that much either. the end felt extremely rushed, as it goes from her recovery (i think a whole chapter or two), then she wants to relapse but instead asks the mmc to have sex with her, so he does then admits he loves her. and then boom epilogue one year later, where they go visit his sister's grave, pay their respects, and they finally make their relationship official. so i guess the grovel was good, but we didnt get to see it because we fast forwarded a whole year lmao. t
to conclude, i did enjoy this book, i literally read it in the span of 8 hours, 2 sittings. i finished it in probably 3 hours, and it was good in the aspect of keeping you on edge the whole time. i do think the angst was good and her healing was alright, although i feel as though her healing process was pretty much just her dating the mmc instead of her growing as a person. i did like her character and the mmc was meh. nothing too insane, but it was just okay. i rated it 4 stars mainly because it checked off all the boxes i wanted, but that doesn't mean it was a very good book, i don't really think so. regardless, if you're looking for an angsty book with mentions of sh, suicide, family loss, anger issues, i would say this book has it all lol. this definitely made me wanna reread black knight (for a third time lol) and i might just go do that now…
hmm okay, first of all i'm a little confused. i saw this book on reddit and goodreads originally as “regretting you,” but on kindle it's called, “vicious regret”, ? anyways, ok!
so, the reason i mainly read this book was because i wanted a book that was somewhat similar to black knight, a book that highlighted the fmcs problems with herself, sh, and other mental health representation. this book 100% delivered, but that doesn't mean it was a great book. taste is subjective, i would just like to say that to begin with. ultimately, i rated this book 4 stars, although there were various parts that were very iffy. from the prologue and the summary, i knew it would revolve around the mmc hating the fmc from an accident which took away his twin sister. this book felt extremely fast paced, as the very first couple of pages start with,
“the hate i feel for her is all-consuming. it should terrify me. the things i’ve thought of doing to her should rattle me to the bones, but it doesn’t. staring at the entrance to the bookstore, i try to act as if i’m not looking for someone. it took me hours to calm myself enough to get to this point. i don’t know what the hell i’m doing. all i know is revenge, anger, and hate are burning through me, threatening to take over any rational thinking.”
then immediately cuts to him trying to strangle her,
“i don’t even think as my hand wraps around her delicate throat. her pulse thunders under my grip, but she doesn’t make an effort to fight me off or run away. i make note of how strange that is but push the thought away before it can latch onto my subconscious. focusing all my attention on her, i visualize how easy it would be to give her the same fate my sister had been given. burning rage simmers just beneath the surface, and i squeeze tighter, ignoring her whimper and the fear pooling in her eyes. what kind of person does it make me if i want to watch life fade from her eyes?”
so it goes from this, to him slowly starting to care a little more, but ultimately continuously highlighting the fact that he lives to torment her. also we immediately get a glance at how bad her cutting problem is, it is immediate that she is very unwell and deeply traumatized, but no one around her grasps that, since they all blame her.
“i’m not scared of him. there is no pain he can inflict on me greater than the pain i’m already inflicting on myself.”
“pain triumphs any and all other emotions, it swallows them whole. pain is the only thing that shuts it all down.”
“every time i do this, it becomes a little harder not to cut deeper, to stop myself from sinking the blade as deep as i can. do i want to kill myself? i don’t know. what i do know is i’ll do anything for five seconds of silence. watching as the blood drips slowly down my leg, i feel satisfied. my vision becomes blurry, and my skin burns where the blade sliced through it, but it doesn’t hurt. i think it should hurt, though all i feel is sated.”
ok so this book basically goes back and forth between him tormenting her, breaking into her house, damaging her property, threatening to ruin her life, then we get to a very questionable scene where he's about to force her to suck him off. it was so insane actually, i don't think i can get past this, especially because it was repeated once more, and it was just so crazy. then he rects like this to her crying and breaking down,
““stop it! stop this fucking show and get up,” i yell at her, but she doesn’t respond at all. for a few moments, i just stood there watching her fall apart at my feet. what the fuck is wrong with her? this isn’t just fear. this is something else. something that i’m not sure i can comprehend right now. fear, i can handle, begging me not to do something, i can handle, but a complete and utter breakdown, turning in on yourself. i can’t fucking do it.”
ok after this it kinda gets better lol. well no then this happens, ““don’t you dare ever put up a picture of her again. you don’t deserve to see her smiling face. you deserve death. it should’ve been you. it should’ve been you!” he screams, the sound splinters through me. for a long moment, he stands there staring at me like a bull ready to charge, and then out of nowhere, he turns around and leaves.”
a bit after this there's a scene where families come to visit their students on school grounds, so she meets up with her parents. a big part of the plot is her mom kinda trying to sweep this trauma under the rug and ignoring her very obvious mental health problems, and her dad just fucking hates her, its insane. there's also a scene right before this of her almost dying because she crosses a busy street, and he saves her? it was very confusing. “shifting in my arms, she looks up at me, fear written in her features. i want to shake her for being so stupid. for not paying attention. does she want to die? why wouldn’t she look up before crossing a busy street?”
as if he hasn't been physically attacking her and verbally harassing her lmao? oh wait, then she loses her virginity to him (kinda by force it's weird), and when he finds out he's just kinda like ok lol? he literally says,
““yes, it mattered. if i had known, i would have turned you around, so i could see the pain in your face when i took this part from you.” for the first time since we started this game of hate and revenge, i see something that looks a little like anger in her hazel eyes. “fuck you, jackson,” she grits through her teeth. gesturing to my cock, i snicker. “looks like you were the one that got fucked, so get your shit and get the fuck out.” tugging my shorts back up, i watch as she winces when she moves. god, i’m an asshole. this takes the cake on all the shitty things i’ve done to her so far, but i know worse will come. i’m not done making her life miserable, not by a long shot.”
ok now the parent thing, she meets up with jackson's parents, they forgive her, jackson is pissed, then confronts her and starts touching her thigh (?) and feels scabs, which don't really click for him, but obviously he knows something is off yk. ok, kinda random events occur here, then she goes missing for 3 days, jackson starts going insane, contacts her mom who finds an online charge for a hotel in another town over, and he goes. essentially the reason she leaves is because she sees him with another girl and she goes on a tangent about how she feels used,
“i knew all of this, and yet seeing him with another girl has my heart aching and my stomach-churning. i can handle him hating me, punishing me, even using me. but i can’t handle this. i can’t handle being one of his many girls, his second choice at best. the thought of him having sex with someone only hours before he has sex with me… i can’t do it. pressing a hand to my stomach, i feel the need to vomit away.”
here's where the confrontation about the cuts happens, and his reaction is honestly pretty like.. idk lol. first he essentially makes her choose between having sex with him or showing him the scars (which he doesn't know are self harm or exactly what they is at the moment). “his breathing changes, and i cringe when i feel his gentle touch on my mutilated skin. he’s inspecting them now, the rough edge of his finger traces each line.
“who did this to you?” the words come out in a rough whisper, and i wonder if he meant to even ask the question. i don’t respond, my throat too tight with fear. everything is going to fall apart now. he knows… god, he knows.”
so he goes on a whole angry rant about like who did this to you, but i feel like it was pretty obvious it was self inflicted? idk. anyways,
““me!” i snap, “it’s me. i’m hurting myself. i’m the reason there are scars on my thighs, i did it. are you happy now? you know my secret. go off and tell everyone. i don’t care anymore.” my heart cracks in my chest, and it’s like every feeling i’ve been holding in pushes through to the surface. “y-you?” he chokes on the single word. i give him a sad smile. “yeah.””
so eventually after this they cuddle in bed, he kinda starts regretting everything since he feels guilty for the self harm, and they kinda make up. his pov was very like hmm too,
”instead, it made me sick, made me hate myself a little bit. knowing she was cutting herself, causing herself physical pain. all along, she had been suffering right in front of me. i was just too self-absorbed to see it. too wrapped up in my own pain, in wanting to make sure she was hurting, to notice that she was.”
then proceeds to say, “what if she cuts herself too deep? i can’t have her death on my conscience, and i can’t lose her. i don’t know if i’m ready to forgive her or if i ever fully can, but i don’t want to lose her.”
as if he wasn't wishing death on her a couple pages before lol. then they go back to school and have a somewhat peace treaty where they don't talk, but he leaves her alone. then eventually he goes to a party, gets flirted with by a girl, but realizes all he can think about is her, so he goes to visit her and essentially takes her on a date, and after this they have sex again and everything seem okay, even if he does tell her that they aren't friends or enemies, they just.. are somewhere in between.
““good. maybe we’re not enemies anymore, but we aren’t friends either. i don’t know what the hell we are or even what we’re doing, but it can’t ever be more than sex, kennedy. okay?” it’s like he’s reassuring himself more than me, but i don’t say that. i don’t want to fight with him after sharing such an incredible moment together. “i understand,” i tell him, hiding the emotions from my voice.”
ok so remember the mental breakdown when he was about to force her to suck him off, turns out it wasn't just her being scared of him, but reliving trauma since she got sexually assaulted at the party from which she drove home from and killed his sister. his best friend of highschool did it, and he makes him believe that she came onto him then got angry that he rejected her, which leads to an insane series of events, starting with jackson getting very irrational. instead of asking her or confronting her privately, he corners her into an alley alongside his best friend and begins to say, ““answer me!” jackson yells into my face. his fingers dig into my upper arms as he gives me a shake as if he is trying to shake a response out of me. his grip is so tight, my arms hurt. the same hands that caressed me last night, now leave bruises on my skin.”
which is then followed by the crazziestt fucking..
“ then he leans into me, his lip curled—i turn away, afraid of what may happen if i look him in the eyes—as he whispers, “cut yourself a little deeper next time.” he doesn’t know it, but his words cut me deeper than any wound i could ever inflict on myself. he could throw me to the wall hard enough to crack my skull, and it wouldn’t hurt as much as this. deep down, i knew i shouldn’t have trusted him. i ate out of his open palm, letting him feed me lies, and make me believe something that was far too good to be true. between jackson’s anger and tylor’s presence, i’m in my own personal hell.”
so then she goes on to commit suicide… well kind of. i don't think it was intentional, but she ends up actually cutting too deep and begins to bleed out. back to jacksons pov, he was really into underground fighting (to cope with his anger issues), and he ends up fighting his best friend since the guy that was supposed to be there was a no show. then his best friends, to rile him up or distract him idk, admit that he lied and that he sexually assaulted the fmc. so he goes batshit, wins the fight, then rushes over to her apartment, immediately feeling something wrong, then breaks in and finds her almost lifeless body bleeding out. okay this spacing was already pretty weird, but then it goes onto the recovery, where he essentially promises to be there every step of the recovery, but she's obviously not having it. then her parents come, her dad stillll doesnt give a fuck about her, and her mom just kinda doesn’t know what to say and its obvious she doesnt care all that much either. the end felt extremely rushed, as it goes from her recovery (i think a whole chapter or two), then she wants to relapse but instead asks the mmc to have sex with her, so he does then admits he loves her. and then boom epilogue one year later, where they go visit his sister's grave, pay their respects, and they finally make their relationship official. so i guess the grovel was good, but we didnt get to see it because we fast forwarded a whole year lmao. t
to conclude, i did enjoy this book, i literally read it in the span of 8 hours, 2 sittings. i finished it in probably 3 hours, and it was good in the aspect of keeping you on edge the whole time. i do think the angst was good and her healing was alright, although i feel as though her healing process was pretty much just her dating the mmc instead of her growing as a person. i did like her character and the mmc was meh. nothing too insane, but it was just okay. i rated it 4 stars mainly because it checked off all the boxes i wanted, but that doesn't mean it was a very good book, i don't really think so. regardless, if you're looking for an angsty book with mentions of sh, suicide, family loss, anger issues, i would say this book has it all lol. this definitely made me wanna reread black knight (for a third time lol) and i might just go do that now…
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 31, 2024
»Who did this to you?«
★ ★ ★ ★
❥ 𝑲𝒆𝒏𝒏𝒆𝒅𝒚
What a strong girl! She suffers so much from her past and never gives up. It was hard to read about her trauma and I really felt pity for her.
❥ 𝑱𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒔𝒐𝒏
He suffers from the past too and was blinded by anger and pain. I liked his character development and the way he cares for Kennedy.
✥ 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒃𝒐𝒐𝒌
This story is nothing for weak people. It‘s full of pain, trauma and a lot of anger. Please read the trigger warnings and don‘t read this book if you’re not mentally stable.
The plot was good and thrilling, I read the whole book in one sitting.
Kennedy and Jackson are a heartbreaking couple and I felt with both of them. Neither has it easy and it was adorable that they healed each other.
Jackson was a dickhead most of the time and I want to hit him so bad sometimes. Gladly he comes to his right mind and fights for Kennedy.
Another great dark bully romance by these authors. Would definitely recommend this series.
𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝟓
plot: 4/5
spice: 3/5
humor: 2/5
couple/tension: 5/5
world building: 5/5
happy end?: yes
𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐬
bully romance, college, friends to enemies to lovers, protective and possessive hero, dark romance, secrets and lies, morally dark hero, high society, virgin fmc, traumatic past
𝐬𝐚𝐟𝐞𝐭𝐲
ages: both in their twenties
cheating: no
sharing: no
kinks: pain
𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬
#1 Hating You ★ ★ ★ ★ ★
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
#2 Breaking You ★ ★ ★ ★
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
#3 Hurting You ★ ★ ★
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
#4 Regretting You ★ ★ ★ ★
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
★ ★ ★ ★
❥ 𝑲𝒆𝒏𝒏𝒆𝒅𝒚
What a strong girl! She suffers so much from her past and never gives up. It was hard to read about her trauma and I really felt pity for her.
❥ 𝑱𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒔𝒐𝒏
He suffers from the past too and was blinded by anger and pain. I liked his character development and the way he cares for Kennedy.
✥ 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒃𝒐𝒐𝒌
This story is nothing for weak people. It‘s full of pain, trauma and a lot of anger. Please read the trigger warnings and don‘t read this book if you’re not mentally stable.
The plot was good and thrilling, I read the whole book in one sitting.
Kennedy and Jackson are a heartbreaking couple and I felt with both of them. Neither has it easy and it was adorable that they healed each other.
Jackson was a dickhead most of the time and I want to hit him so bad sometimes. Gladly he comes to his right mind and fights for Kennedy.
Another great dark bully romance by these authors. Would definitely recommend this series.
𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝟓
plot: 4/5
spice: 3/5
humor: 2/5
couple/tension: 5/5
world building: 5/5
happy end?: yes
𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐬
bully romance, college, friends to enemies to lovers, protective and possessive hero, dark romance, secrets and lies, morally dark hero, high society, virgin fmc, traumatic past
𝐬𝐚𝐟𝐞𝐭𝐲
ages: both in their twenties
cheating: no
sharing: no
kinks: pain
𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬
#1 Hating You ★ ★ ★ ★ ★
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
#2 Breaking You ★ ★ ★ ★
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
#3 Hurting You ★ ★ ★
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
#4 Regretting You ★ ★ ★ ★
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
March 12, 2021
This was ok.. at least, here, the hero has reasons to hate the heroine. The whole thing with: he hates me but I don't know why doesnt work for me.
Kennedy and Jackson’s sister were best friends until one night when they were in an accident and the sister died. Until then, Jackson was a little in love with Kennedy but because she was his sister's BFF, he tried to not act on it.
Some years after the accident, they both are human shells, Jackson wants revenge and Kennedy just wants to want to stay alive.
At times, he is really cruel to Kennedy but at times he was a softie. the whole book they act like cat and mouse and sometimes, the cat cakes the mouse.
The twist comes with words spoken, things he said that he could never take back, and the ending was predictable.
Kennedy and Jackson’s sister were best friends until one night when they were in an accident and the sister died. Until then, Jackson was a little in love with Kennedy but because she was his sister's BFF, he tried to not act on it.
Some years after the accident, they both are human shells, Jackson wants revenge and Kennedy just wants to want to stay alive.
At times, he is really cruel to Kennedy but at times he was a softie. the whole book they act like cat and mouse and sometimes, the cat cakes the mouse.
The twist comes with words spoken, things he said that he could never take back, and the ending was predictable.
April 4, 2020
✨Review Regretting You (Blackthorn Elite #4) by J.L. Beck & C. Hallman✨
•
“𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩…𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙙𝙤𝙞𝙣𝙜?” 𝙁𝙚𝙖𝙧. 𝙄𝙩 𝙧𝙪𝙨𝙝𝙚𝙨 𝙤𝙛𝙛 𝙤𝙛 𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙞𝙣 𝙬𝙖𝙫𝙚𝙨. 𝙄𝙩’𝙨 𝙨𝙪𝙛𝙛𝙤𝙘𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜. 𝙄𝙣𝙩𝙤𝙭𝙞𝙘𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜. 𝙂𝙤𝙤𝙙. 𝙄 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙛𝙚𝙖𝙧. 𝙄 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙚 𝙞𝙩. 𝙁𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙩 𝙤𝙣 𝙞𝙩.”
•
I knew I would love this book because this entire series has been absolutely incredible! these two authors know how to write a bully romance like none other🔥 this book was raw, angsty, sexy, consuming, and dark. This book is definitely not for the faint of heart and has quite a few triggers so be warned before going into this. This book was definitely my favourite in the series, and this cover is my favourite it is absolutely beautiful🖤
•
Jackson was such a cruel but also oh sexy man🙈 He was terrible to Kennedy in the beginning I definitely didn’t think he could ever redeem himself. Due to a tragic event that happened in the past Jackson has a darkness in him that he never had before, he is angry all the time and uses girls and drinking to try and make himself feel better. When he sees Kennedy the reason for what happened in the past that changed him to who is today walking into his school he loses it, what is she doing here.. she knows never to show her face near him again or he will kill her. She was once his sisters bestfriend and also his bestfriend but now she means nothing to him and he will stop at nothing to get his revenge and make her pay for all the misery she has caused him.
•
My heart bled for Kennedy. This poor girl has not had it easy. After a tragic event that leaves her absolutely broken and to blame she goes through so much mentally that know one seems to notice she is drowning in grief. When Kennedy’s parents force her to go to college she attends Blackthorn Elite and there she discovers the man who hates her most also attends and once he sets his sites on her she knows she has no chance of escaping him. But Kennedy welcomes the pain for thats all she’s known for years now, do your worst Jackson because it can’t possible be worse then what Kennedy does to herself every damn day.
•
5⭐️
•
“𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩…𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙙𝙤𝙞𝙣𝙜?” 𝙁𝙚𝙖𝙧. 𝙄𝙩 𝙧𝙪𝙨𝙝𝙚𝙨 𝙤𝙛𝙛 𝙤𝙛 𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙞𝙣 𝙬𝙖𝙫𝙚𝙨. 𝙄𝙩’𝙨 𝙨𝙪𝙛𝙛𝙤𝙘𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜. 𝙄𝙣𝙩𝙤𝙭𝙞𝙘𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜. 𝙂𝙤𝙤𝙙. 𝙄 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙛𝙚𝙖𝙧. 𝙄 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙚 𝙞𝙩. 𝙁𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙩 𝙤𝙣 𝙞𝙩.”
•
I knew I would love this book because this entire series has been absolutely incredible! these two authors know how to write a bully romance like none other🔥 this book was raw, angsty, sexy, consuming, and dark. This book is definitely not for the faint of heart and has quite a few triggers so be warned before going into this. This book was definitely my favourite in the series, and this cover is my favourite it is absolutely beautiful🖤
•
Jackson was such a cruel but also oh sexy man🙈 He was terrible to Kennedy in the beginning I definitely didn’t think he could ever redeem himself. Due to a tragic event that happened in the past Jackson has a darkness in him that he never had before, he is angry all the time and uses girls and drinking to try and make himself feel better. When he sees Kennedy the reason for what happened in the past that changed him to who is today walking into his school he loses it, what is she doing here.. she knows never to show her face near him again or he will kill her. She was once his sisters bestfriend and also his bestfriend but now she means nothing to him and he will stop at nothing to get his revenge and make her pay for all the misery she has caused him.
•
My heart bled for Kennedy. This poor girl has not had it easy. After a tragic event that leaves her absolutely broken and to blame she goes through so much mentally that know one seems to notice she is drowning in grief. When Kennedy’s parents force her to go to college she attends Blackthorn Elite and there she discovers the man who hates her most also attends and once he sets his sites on her she knows she has no chance of escaping him. But Kennedy welcomes the pain for thats all she’s known for years now, do your worst Jackson because it can’t possible be worse then what Kennedy does to herself every damn day.
•
5⭐️
February 26, 2022
Meh.
The hero was fucking useless and the heroine deserved better.
Not my kind of romance.
ETA: The more I think about how much time is spent on the hero being a hypocritical arsehole - and barely any on how he supposedly makes it up to her over a year (sure, buddy lol) - I have to lower my rating from 2 stars to 1. This book pissed me way the hell off! No heroine who went through what she did should end up with a piece of shit like this hero. That's just fucking cruel.
The hero was fucking useless and the heroine deserved better.
Not my kind of romance.
ETA: The more I think about how much time is spent on the hero being a hypocritical arsehole - and barely any on how he supposedly makes it up to her over a year (sure, buddy lol) - I have to lower my rating from 2 stars to 1. This book pissed me way the hell off! No heroine who went through what she did should end up with a piece of shit like this hero. That's just fucking cruel.
May 24, 2023
It was sadly still an overall ishy book. I’m giving it a 3.5⭐️, but the ending helped. I still enjoyed it but that begging was way too aggressive and rough for my taste. And basically sexual assault in the first few pages, no thank you. But the rest was pretty damn good. Loved the character development and tralala.
January 11, 2021
WARNING: This story contains triggers .
Jackson and Kennedy's story was quite dramatic. I enjoyed reading it but there was room for improvement. It was my least favorite so far...
Jackson and Kennedy's story was quite dramatic. I enjoyed reading it but there was room for improvement. It was my least favorite so far...
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