What do you think?
Rate this book
Totally Fine (And Other Lies I've Told Myself): What my decade in grief taught me about life
‘ If Dolly Alderton, Glennon Doyle and Elizabeth Day had a love child, this is the writer they’d produce .’ Laura Jane Williams, author and journalist
Stylist’s Must Read Book for 2022
Evening Standard’s Faces to Watch in 2022
Do you have a story that you are scared to tell? A story that you’ve spent your life trying to escape. I’m going to tell you mine.
One day, in the summer of 2008, I was travelling back to London when I received a phone call that suddenly changed everything. I was told my boyfriend Richard was in hospital. He died seven days later. I spent most of my twenties pretending this never happened.
I was trapped within my own silence, left alone to absorb the discomfort, blame and judgement of others that I felt after Richard’s suicide. I was suffering, but telling everyone that I was totally fine . The shame consumed me and I desperately wanted to find love again, but the rejection and heartbreak that followed proved to me, yet again, that I wasn’t worthy of love and belonging.
In our twenties, we are thrown into the adult world without a guidebook. I experienced a turbulent decade with what felt like catastrophic failures. Then one day, I started to speak about my shame, and once I started, I couldn’t stop. And I’ve come to realise that shame is like a monster – one that can grow so large that it can hold us back from a life worth living. And that it is only by sharing our stories that we can give a voice to what is unspoken. A voice to the stories that we don’t want to tell.
So whatever pain you’re holding on to, whatever story you’re scared to tell, I’m writing this for you.
‘ I wish I'd had this book to guide me into adulthood. ’ Sathnam Sanghera, bestselling author of Empireland and The Boy with the Topknot
‘ Will go a long way to helping those struggling with the stigma and shame that, sadly, persistently surrounds mental health .’ Vicky Spratt, Refinery29
Stylist’s Must Read Book for 2022
Evening Standard’s Faces to Watch in 2022
Do you have a story that you are scared to tell? A story that you’ve spent your life trying to escape. I’m going to tell you mine.
One day, in the summer of 2008, I was travelling back to London when I received a phone call that suddenly changed everything. I was told my boyfriend Richard was in hospital. He died seven days later. I spent most of my twenties pretending this never happened.
I was trapped within my own silence, left alone to absorb the discomfort, blame and judgement of others that I felt after Richard’s suicide. I was suffering, but telling everyone that I was totally fine . The shame consumed me and I desperately wanted to find love again, but the rejection and heartbreak that followed proved to me, yet again, that I wasn’t worthy of love and belonging.
In our twenties, we are thrown into the adult world without a guidebook. I experienced a turbulent decade with what felt like catastrophic failures. Then one day, I started to speak about my shame, and once I started, I couldn’t stop. And I’ve come to realise that shame is like a monster – one that can grow so large that it can hold us back from a life worth living. And that it is only by sharing our stories that we can give a voice to what is unspoken. A voice to the stories that we don’t want to tell.
So whatever pain you’re holding on to, whatever story you’re scared to tell, I’m writing this for you.
‘ I wish I'd had this book to guide me into adulthood. ’ Sathnam Sanghera, bestselling author of Empireland and The Boy with the Topknot
‘ Will go a long way to helping those struggling with the stigma and shame that, sadly, persistently surrounds mental health .’ Vicky Spratt, Refinery29
240 pages, Paperback
Published March 17, 2022
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 67 reviews
March 28, 2022
This book is about Tiffany and the grief she went through over the span of a 10 year period and unfortunately I had to DNF it. I couldn’t get through it because it was just hitting me too hard. I don’t know if it’s my own mental health struggles lately but I couldn’t keep listening to this book and hear the author go through the grief in such detail. There was a suicide scene in it just just hit a bit too hard for me and that was that.
If you’re considering reading or listening to this one make sure you’re mentally prepared for a slapping. This isn’t a book that everyone is going to be able to read and finish.
Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for an audiobook in exchange for my honest review.
If you’re considering reading or listening to this one make sure you’re mentally prepared for a slapping. This isn’t a book that everyone is going to be able to read and finish.
Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for an audiobook in exchange for my honest review.
January 12, 2022
When she was a student at Bristol University, Tiffany and Richard met and fell in love. Whilst Tiffany eventually, after months of drunkenness, decided to immerse herself in her studies, Richard's attention to his studies dwindled to the point of nothingness, eventually leading to a deep depression. Understandably Tiffany found this hard to deal with and one fateful weekend, went away to visit a friend, despite Richard's pleas to be allowed to tag along. She returned to the news that Richard, after receiving a letter asking him to leave the university, had killed himself.
Whilst I have absolutely no doubt about the depth of the grief she suffered, and no wish to detract from it, I found her memoir difficult to read, for a number of reasons – not because of the topic, but because the writing is often clunky and irritating with its poor grammar. The use of “was sat” occurs so frequently I found myself cringing with each appearance. Has no-one proof read this? It should be – in almost every instance - “was sitting”. The construction is often confusing, and the amount of unnecessary detail – ordering a coffee, for example, and then being unable to drink it in a hurry because it was too hot – totally irrelevant. The passages concerning her role in a start-up company were so confusing I found myself skimming just to get through them.
I've now reached the halfway point and can't continue. I would have thought that by this point there would be less about her continuing self confessed selfishness, and drunken one-night stands. I'm all for introspection, self-analysis and public confessions, but I can't see an end to this and am finding it tiresome.
Now, before critics of this review jump down my throat for this seemingly harsh review, let me say that in the last four years I have lost several close family members, some expected because of frailty and old age, one from terminal illness and one young man from suicide. I do understand the author's grief, I sympathise and empathise. We all grieve in different ways, and putting all tis on record has probably been cathartic for the author, but I'm finding this particular memoir unhelpful as a reader.
My thanks to Netgalley for a free download.
Whilst I have absolutely no doubt about the depth of the grief she suffered, and no wish to detract from it, I found her memoir difficult to read, for a number of reasons – not because of the topic, but because the writing is often clunky and irritating with its poor grammar. The use of “was sat” occurs so frequently I found myself cringing with each appearance. Has no-one proof read this? It should be – in almost every instance - “was sitting”. The construction is often confusing, and the amount of unnecessary detail – ordering a coffee, for example, and then being unable to drink it in a hurry because it was too hot – totally irrelevant. The passages concerning her role in a start-up company were so confusing I found myself skimming just to get through them.
I've now reached the halfway point and can't continue. I would have thought that by this point there would be less about her continuing self confessed selfishness, and drunken one-night stands. I'm all for introspection, self-analysis and public confessions, but I can't see an end to this and am finding it tiresome.
Now, before critics of this review jump down my throat for this seemingly harsh review, let me say that in the last four years I have lost several close family members, some expected because of frailty and old age, one from terminal illness and one young man from suicide. I do understand the author's grief, I sympathise and empathise. We all grieve in different ways, and putting all tis on record has probably been cathartic for the author, but I'm finding this particular memoir unhelpful as a reader.
My thanks to Netgalley for a free download.
March 30, 2022
Firstly, I want to apologise now for this harsh review but I think this is the worst book I have ever listened to.
I found this book very disturbing and struggled to listen. (On so many levels).
I have many mixed feelings regarding the book / author.
I do feel sorry for Tiffany obviously, the author and narrator, who experienced the tragic loss, through suicide, of her boyfriend at a young age. But, I also feel her memoir is seriously full of 'woe is me' and she is soooo frustrating!
I have recently experienced an entire run of losing my closest family members and two close dear friends in aweful circumstances and therefore feel that I have experienced and am still experiencing grief and have a justified right to this view.
I understand everyone deals with grief differently but OMG Tiffany is so self consuming and the constant repetitiveness of and the shocking vocabulary and use of language is so hard to bare.
The title of this book is extremely misleading as it suggests that Tiffany is totally fine, she really is not fine, and with regard to 'lies she has told herself' this suggests that she is also 'projecting' that she is fine too. Also a big fat lie. She has no qualms in constantly living with grief and ramming it down everyone's throat. Throughout the entire book the constant reference to 'her' loss seems so selfish.
I nearly stopped listening on several occasions as I found myself shouting out loud, 'oh my god, please stop!' but I persisted as I really hoped the book would improve, alas it did not.
I had hoped that with what I have been through recently this would be a beneficial read, hence my request to want to read. Sorry Tiffany, this one is not for me! I do hope life has improved for you and you can find peace and learn to 'live'.
Thank you to Thread Publishing and Netgalley for an advance copy of this ARC in exchange for my honest review.
I found this book very disturbing and struggled to listen. (On so many levels).
I have many mixed feelings regarding the book / author.
I do feel sorry for Tiffany obviously, the author and narrator, who experienced the tragic loss, through suicide, of her boyfriend at a young age. But, I also feel her memoir is seriously full of 'woe is me' and she is soooo frustrating!
I have recently experienced an entire run of losing my closest family members and two close dear friends in aweful circumstances and therefore feel that I have experienced and am still experiencing grief and have a justified right to this view.
I understand everyone deals with grief differently but OMG Tiffany is so self consuming and the constant repetitiveness of and the shocking vocabulary and use of language is so hard to bare.
The title of this book is extremely misleading as it suggests that Tiffany is totally fine, she really is not fine, and with regard to 'lies she has told herself' this suggests that she is also 'projecting' that she is fine too. Also a big fat lie. She has no qualms in constantly living with grief and ramming it down everyone's throat. Throughout the entire book the constant reference to 'her' loss seems so selfish.
I nearly stopped listening on several occasions as I found myself shouting out loud, 'oh my god, please stop!' but I persisted as I really hoped the book would improve, alas it did not.
I had hoped that with what I have been through recently this would be a beneficial read, hence my request to want to read. Sorry Tiffany, this one is not for me! I do hope life has improved for you and you can find peace and learn to 'live'.
Thank you to Thread Publishing and Netgalley for an advance copy of this ARC in exchange for my honest review.
February 10, 2022
**Listened to audiobook and also read via kindle**
Based on the title, I was expecting a book that focussed on grief and getting past it. The first third of the book is definitely this, but then the book is more about Tiffany and her business. I lost interest when it went towards this topic.
The audio book is narrated by Tiffany Philippou herself, something that I really like in a non fiction audio book. I think she narrates the book really well I preferred listening to the audio than reading the kindle book.
Overall I did like the book, but it doesn't just focus on grief - it's so much more than that. Due to my own personal reasons, I wanted it to be more about grief and less about the other things. I enjoyed the first sections of the book more than the later parts.
Doesn't do what 'it says on the tin' for me.
Based on the title, I was expecting a book that focussed on grief and getting past it. The first third of the book is definitely this, but then the book is more about Tiffany and her business. I lost interest when it went towards this topic.
The audio book is narrated by Tiffany Philippou herself, something that I really like in a non fiction audio book. I think she narrates the book really well I preferred listening to the audio than reading the kindle book.
Overall I did like the book, but it doesn't just focus on grief - it's so much more than that. Due to my own personal reasons, I wanted it to be more about grief and less about the other things. I enjoyed the first sections of the book more than the later parts.
Doesn't do what 'it says on the tin' for me.
February 26, 2022
It felt like I was reading this woman’s confessional, a pathetic attempt to make herself feel better about the horrible things she’s done and ways she’s treated people. What started off talking about grief and the loss of her boyfriend in college, turned into an egotistical reason for the author to talk about herself, her career and use her grief as a lame excuse to treat people like crap and behave recklessly. This entire book was so cringey.
*I received a free ARC of this audiobook in exchange for my honest opinion.
*I received a free ARC of this audiobook in exchange for my honest opinion.
March 13, 2022
This book is the story of Tiffany's grief that she went through over a period of 10 years. I must be honest, and say that I found the book hard to listen to. Although I sympathised with Tifffany, and her grief, and how life must have been very hard for her, I just couldn't really connect with the book on a really deep level, as I found it too painful. I think maybe it reminded me of my own grief, and it made me feel a bit sad. I am also highly empathic, so I could feel Tiffany's feelings through her voice as she read her story, and it was hard for me to feel her deep grief. I think it is great though, that Tiffany has spoken out about her life and her feelings, and I wish her well and send her love.
Many thanks to the author, publisher and NetGalley for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
Many thanks to the author, publisher and NetGalley for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
April 20, 2022
I love books which are narrated by the author, and this is a brave story highlighting the stigma surrounding mental health, following the author's own experience of trying to live with her boyfriend's suicide.
The subject matter is obviously incredibly challenging and the author goes into a lot of detail about the decade she spends
trying to cope by lurching from one extreme to another, before finally seeking the professional help she has been avoiding. If you are able to face it, this book might provide reassurance that you are not alone in how you are feeling. But the main takeaway is not to hesitate or be ashamed of seeking professional help for mental health issues.
You can call the Samaritans free on 116 123
There is lots of further information on their website https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can...
The subject matter is obviously incredibly challenging and the author goes into a lot of detail about the decade she spends
trying to cope by lurching from one extreme to another, before finally seeking the professional help she has been avoiding. If you are able to face it, this book might provide reassurance that you are not alone in how you are feeling. But the main takeaway is not to hesitate or be ashamed of seeking professional help for mental health issues.
You can call the Samaritans free on 116 123
There is lots of further information on their website https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can...
April 22, 2022
Tiffany honestly tells the story of the ten years between when her university boyfriend died by suicide, and when she finally began to deal with the pain and reality of losing him and began to fully live again. Tiffany's 20s were spent in grief, in social media spotlights, in continuous rounds of burnout at startups, in London and New York, in bars, in beds. Her experience is so relatable to so many millennials coming up after the 2008 recession—though many of us did not have to deal with outrunning deep grief at an age we weren't yet emotionally equipped to deal with it.
I find Tiffany's ability to write about her own experiences, flaws, and mistakes—and dismantle shame piece by piece—incredible. I aspire to be able to see (let alone write about) myself with such clear eyes.
I find Tiffany's ability to write about her own experiences, flaws, and mistakes—and dismantle shame piece by piece—incredible. I aspire to be able to see (let alone write about) myself with such clear eyes.
March 4, 2022
Thank you, Net Galley, for the opportunity to read this book.
It was like listening to a car wreck. I don't wanna hear car wrecks. I feel like the author reading this was supposed to be very personal and heartbreaking, but instead, it was like an emotionless commercial for god knows what.
I couldn't focus for most of the time, but when I did I realized it is just a very sad story about self-destruction and how to maybe overcome it. Maybe if I read this instead of listening maybe I could describe it better.
It was like listening to a car wreck. I don't wanna hear car wrecks. I feel like the author reading this was supposed to be very personal and heartbreaking, but instead, it was like an emotionless commercial for god knows what.
I couldn't focus for most of the time, but when I did I realized it is just a very sad story about self-destruction and how to maybe overcome it. Maybe if I read this instead of listening maybe I could describe it better.
July 3, 2023
Totally Fine (and other lies) surrounds the life of the author, Tiffany Philippou, and the struggles with her grief surrounding the tragic death of her university partner, Richard. Through many difficult twists and turns, Tiffany tries to discover herself and her life, only to be hit with many downfalls as one finds within their first year of adulthood. In the end, it is Tiffany herself who realises that life is for living and not existing, and within the final pages of her book begins to discover this and herself.
The difficulty surrounding reading this book was just that- the difficulty. Chapters of over 30 pages with no distinct thematic idea or focus really impeded the read, particularly in between her initial beginning of her work life, and finally being let go from the start up when she was 28. It was also difficult to not fully grasp the emotions and feelings of the author, as she instead focused on the expression of herself within the plot of her own life. What I wanted to learn from this memoir was as the book states- her life lies that she told herself, and how she learned from them. I felt that she was getting there within the final few chapters, but would have loved to have heard of her travelling experiences or more of her therapy session discoveries, rather than her constant drinking to oblivion that she never seemed to address or even concur and control.
Overall, a 2.5 star review ⭐- never quite reaching the target or mark of what I thought the book was going to.
The difficulty surrounding reading this book was just that- the difficulty. Chapters of over 30 pages with no distinct thematic idea or focus really impeded the read, particularly in between her initial beginning of her work life, and finally being let go from the start up when she was 28. It was also difficult to not fully grasp the emotions and feelings of the author, as she instead focused on the expression of herself within the plot of her own life. What I wanted to learn from this memoir was as the book states- her life lies that she told herself, and how she learned from them. I felt that she was getting there within the final few chapters, but would have loved to have heard of her travelling experiences or more of her therapy session discoveries, rather than her constant drinking to oblivion that she never seemed to address or even concur and control.
Overall, a 2.5 star review ⭐- never quite reaching the target or mark of what I thought the book was going to.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 3, 2022
Unfortunately, the book wasn't for me.
I kept listening hoping that we would come to the lessons learned, but we never got there. There was just one bad thing after another and I think the author did a poor job of demonstrating the lessons their grief taught them about life as indicated in the title.
I almost DNF'd it, but by then I was 60% through and committed to the time I'd already spent.
At the end, in the epilogue, the author mentions that the lesson her grief taught was to love and enjoy the people around you and I don't think that vibe/tone was demonstrated at all throughout the rest of the manuscript.
Thanks to NetGalley for providing an ARC of the audio book.
I kept listening hoping that we would come to the lessons learned, but we never got there. There was just one bad thing after another and I think the author did a poor job of demonstrating the lessons their grief taught them about life as indicated in the title.
I almost DNF'd it, but by then I was 60% through and committed to the time I'd already spent.
At the end, in the epilogue, the author mentions that the lesson her grief taught was to love and enjoy the people around you and I don't think that vibe/tone was demonstrated at all throughout the rest of the manuscript.
Thanks to NetGalley for providing an ARC of the audio book.
December 3, 2021
I received an ARC, of Totally Fine, by Tiffany Philippou. I could not connect with this book at all. I have been through grief, and are situations were not the same. I also did not care for the language. I could not finish this book.
January 31, 2024
2.5 stars, not everyone's experiences need to be a memoir. The title is very misleading
March 7, 2022
There is a lot of shame in grief. I have learned that in life. When my marriage broke up and I was in the throes of grieving that, there was little understand from those around me, and then when my Dad died 6 years ago, a different grief became my new normal and even more people walked away [a lot of those people are no longer in my life - grief also does that; chases people away] and I have to say I envied the author her bevvy of close friends that stayed close by her after her boyfriend's suicide - she realizes how lucky she is and I hope that readers get that as well - especially if they too have had support during a time of grief. Not everyone gets that support and eleven years in, being single again, the grief of that loss is still there and I have a lot of shame over that. Much like the author, I feel like if I had done something different, he would have stayed etc etc. Listening to the author tell her story and how she moves from hiding her shame to getting the help she so desperately needs to being able to live her life the best way she can, moved me to tears many times as I recognized my own feelings and confusion and the like in her life. While I didn't have a job or friends or a life like hers, I did [and do] have shame and totally understand that. Anyone who had dealt with grief will totally get this book. Some people act out and are impulsive and wild [like the author] and some hide away from the world [this is me] but we are all bound by the suffering from grief and the shame that those around us put on us because they don't really understand. It would be really great if we could move towards more acceptance of those living in grief and let them be and learn to not shame someone for feeling the loss so deeply.
This is a difficult book. There are mentions of suicide and self-harm and the after affects of both. This is a book about grief and shame and the after affects and ongoing effects of both. But it is also a book about learning to heal and the steps needed to move forward. It is a good read, but it is not for everyone. You need to have an open mind and heart and also you need to either have known deep shaming grief or are open to helping those who have; if you aren't either of these, this book is not for you.
I was lucky to receive an audiobook ARC of this book and I found listening to the author tell the story helpful - listening to her emotions that leaked through from time to time really helped me connect with her and the story and all that she had and still feels. I love how she realized that her grief for Richard will never go away and how she has become okay with that. That is all that we who have experienced deep, life-altering grief can hope for.
Thank you to NetGalley, Tiffany Philippou, Bookouture Audio/Thread, and Thread Books for providing the both the book and audiobook ARC in exchange for an honest review.
This is a difficult book. There are mentions of suicide and self-harm and the after affects of both. This is a book about grief and shame and the after affects and ongoing effects of both. But it is also a book about learning to heal and the steps needed to move forward. It is a good read, but it is not for everyone. You need to have an open mind and heart and also you need to either have known deep shaming grief or are open to helping those who have; if you aren't either of these, this book is not for you.
I was lucky to receive an audiobook ARC of this book and I found listening to the author tell the story helpful - listening to her emotions that leaked through from time to time really helped me connect with her and the story and all that she had and still feels. I love how she realized that her grief for Richard will never go away and how she has become okay with that. That is all that we who have experienced deep, life-altering grief can hope for.
Thank you to NetGalley, Tiffany Philippou, Bookouture Audio/Thread, and Thread Books for providing the both the book and audiobook ARC in exchange for an honest review.
March 19, 2022
Published: March 17, 2022
Thread
Pages: 240
Genre: Memoir
KKECReads Rating: 3/5
I received a copy of this book for free, and I leave my review voluntarily.
Tiffany Philippou is a writer and podcaster who lives in London, and her website has further information about her writing, podcast, newsletter, and social media.
She co-hosts the work, life, and happiness podcast Is This Working? and it’s been described by The Guardian as ‘its look at mental health, productivity, and even loneliness feels increasingly vital.’ She previously spent over ten years working in leadership roles in startups, and in addition to her work as a writer and podcaster, Tiffany works as a consultant and recruiter for startups.
“Speaking shame is important because its survival depends on being undetected.”
Tiffany was living her life as a university student, with friends and her boyfriend. Then during a holiday, she receives the devastating news that changes her life. And she spends the next several years struggling, trying to figure out who she is, what she wants, and what life means.
This was not the type of memoir I thought it was. This was filled with a lot of stories and anecdotes of the things that have happened to Tiffany that had some impact on her life.
This book is more of a personal manifesto and less of a learn from her experience to process your own grief.
It took me a lot longer than it should have to finish this book. I found several of the stories dry and slightly self-indulgent.
I don’t doubt or discredit the weight of the grief that Tiffany experienced, but I didn’t find this memoir inspirational or motivational.
The best part was her letter she wishes she would have read at Richard’s funeral. To me, that felt like the most genuine thing she said.
Overall, it was an alright read for me. I am not excited about it, and I’m honestly happy to have finished so I can move on to something else.
Thread
Pages: 240
Genre: Memoir
KKECReads Rating: 3/5
I received a copy of this book for free, and I leave my review voluntarily.
Tiffany Philippou is a writer and podcaster who lives in London, and her website has further information about her writing, podcast, newsletter, and social media.
She co-hosts the work, life, and happiness podcast Is This Working? and it’s been described by The Guardian as ‘its look at mental health, productivity, and even loneliness feels increasingly vital.’ She previously spent over ten years working in leadership roles in startups, and in addition to her work as a writer and podcaster, Tiffany works as a consultant and recruiter for startups.
“Speaking shame is important because its survival depends on being undetected.”
Tiffany was living her life as a university student, with friends and her boyfriend. Then during a holiday, she receives the devastating news that changes her life. And she spends the next several years struggling, trying to figure out who she is, what she wants, and what life means.
This was not the type of memoir I thought it was. This was filled with a lot of stories and anecdotes of the things that have happened to Tiffany that had some impact on her life.
This book is more of a personal manifesto and less of a learn from her experience to process your own grief.
It took me a lot longer than it should have to finish this book. I found several of the stories dry and slightly self-indulgent.
I don’t doubt or discredit the weight of the grief that Tiffany experienced, but I didn’t find this memoir inspirational or motivational.
The best part was her letter she wishes she would have read at Richard’s funeral. To me, that felt like the most genuine thing she said.
Overall, it was an alright read for me. I am not excited about it, and I’m honestly happy to have finished so I can move on to something else.
Read
April 19, 2022Firstly, I want to apologise now for this harsh review but I think this is the worst book I have ever listened to. I found this book very disturbing and struggled to listen. (On so many levels). I have many mixed feelings regarding the book / author. I do feel sorry for Tiffany obviously, the author and narrator, who experienced the tragic loss, through suicide, of her boyfriend at a young age. But, I also feel her memoir is seriously full of 'woe is me' and she is soooo frustrating! I have recently experienced an entire run of losing my closest family members and two close dear friends in aweful circumstances and therefore feel that I have experienced and am still experiencing grief and have a justified right to this view. I understand everyone deals with grief differently but OMG Tiffany is so self consuming and the constant repetitiveness of and the shocking vocabulary and use of language is so hard to bare. The title of this book is extremely misleading as it suggests that Tiffany is totally fine, she really is not fine, and with regard to 'lies she has told herself' this suggests that she is also 'projecting' that she is fine too. Also a fat big lie. She has no qualms in constantly living with grief and ramming it down everyone's throat. Throughout the entire book the constant reference to 'her' loss seems so selfish. I nearly stopped listening on several occasions as I found myself shouting out loud, 'oh my god, please stop!' but I persisted as I really hoped the book would improve, alas it did not. I had hoped that with what I have been through recently this would be a beneficial read, hence my request to want to read. Sorry Tiffany, this one is not for me! I do hope life has improved for you and you can find peace and learn to 'live'. Thank you to Thread Publishing and Netgalley for an advance copy of this ARC in exchange for my honest review.
March 29, 2022
As part of the Thread Books book tour, I received a copy to review. A huge thanks for the gifted copy. AD/PR Product
Tiffany was very brave to write a book such as Totally Fine, I commend that courage. I also commend her transparency. I found her journey, at times, difficult to read. The content was very raw and written as if Tiffany were telling me her story as we sat sipping wine. Although this created a personal level to this memoire, it did make some grammatical issues that, for someone like me - a teacher - cringe at. I do understand the choice to narrate in this fashion but I personally was not keen on it.
Tiffany’s journey with grief is in many ways admirable. However, I did find myself outwardly making comments - and not very kind ones - about her choices. Had I read this book at a younger, much younger age, I probably would not have made those comments as they were purely based on my life experience; something Tiffany would not be privy to. Although, I often found myself wanting to give her a hug and tell her it was all going to be okay; her journey was not an easy one.
I respect Tiffany for her desire to bring awareness to grief by suicide. I believe that suicide affects us all in some way. I also believe that there is not enough resources and/or support for people like Tiffany who are trying to cope with the suicide of a loved one. I too question the reason that death by suicide does not gain more attention as I feel that the phsychological and emotional impact on those left behind is, in some ways, far greater than death by accident or illness. There is always the question of why? There is always a certain amount of guilt. And, there is always an element of shame. But should there be?
I do recommend this book on the pretense that it gives insight to a life with grief after suicide. I also recommend this book because Tiffany’s story is not the only one and hopefully her book will show others that it is okay to tell their story too. I am confident that others will relate to Tiffany’s journey, her insights and her healing and I believe that it may affect others in a positive way.
Tiffany was very brave to write a book such as Totally Fine, I commend that courage. I also commend her transparency. I found her journey, at times, difficult to read. The content was very raw and written as if Tiffany were telling me her story as we sat sipping wine. Although this created a personal level to this memoire, it did make some grammatical issues that, for someone like me - a teacher - cringe at. I do understand the choice to narrate in this fashion but I personally was not keen on it.
Tiffany’s journey with grief is in many ways admirable. However, I did find myself outwardly making comments - and not very kind ones - about her choices. Had I read this book at a younger, much younger age, I probably would not have made those comments as they were purely based on my life experience; something Tiffany would not be privy to. Although, I often found myself wanting to give her a hug and tell her it was all going to be okay; her journey was not an easy one.
I respect Tiffany for her desire to bring awareness to grief by suicide. I believe that suicide affects us all in some way. I also believe that there is not enough resources and/or support for people like Tiffany who are trying to cope with the suicide of a loved one. I too question the reason that death by suicide does not gain more attention as I feel that the phsychological and emotional impact on those left behind is, in some ways, far greater than death by accident or illness. There is always the question of why? There is always a certain amount of guilt. And, there is always an element of shame. But should there be?
I do recommend this book on the pretense that it gives insight to a life with grief after suicide. I also recommend this book because Tiffany’s story is not the only one and hopefully her book will show others that it is okay to tell their story too. I am confident that others will relate to Tiffany’s journey, her insights and her healing and I believe that it may affect others in a positive way.
March 15, 2022
1.5⭐️
I love discovering new nonfiction, especially through audiobooks, so I am super thankful to Netgalley and the publisher for providing an advanced listener’s copy in exchange for an honest review!
I really wanted to love it, but unfortunately it just wasn’t for me. Philippou is by no means a bad writer, but both her writing and narration style are quite plain, which I typically don’t like, especially in memoirs focused on emotional topics like grief, and this definitely impacted my enjoyment.
I do really appreciate that this memoir shows all sides of grief, including the ugly, selfish sides, but that being said, I’m not sure what I’m supposed to take away from this book. I was expecting a motivational or emotional story of grief, but this book is just as much (if not more) about repeating unhealthy relationships and Philippou’s mostly irrelevant career choices.
The book’s tagline is “what my decade in grief taught me about life”, but throughout it, I didn’t get the feeling that Philippou learned anything, and it frustrated me to no end. I am not questioning the immense pain of losing someone to suicide, but my sole takeaway is that Philippou only moves forward after getting the professional help with her mental health she has been avoiding for a decade. This is of course an important message, but not one that necessitates an entire memoir.
While this wasn’t my cup of tea, I’d still pick it up if it sounds intriguing to you! If you like simple writing, stories following real people through the ups and downs of everyday life, and a focus on grief and finding yourself in your twenties, you might enjoy it!
I love discovering new nonfiction, especially through audiobooks, so I am super thankful to Netgalley and the publisher for providing an advanced listener’s copy in exchange for an honest review!
I really wanted to love it, but unfortunately it just wasn’t for me. Philippou is by no means a bad writer, but both her writing and narration style are quite plain, which I typically don’t like, especially in memoirs focused on emotional topics like grief, and this definitely impacted my enjoyment.
I do really appreciate that this memoir shows all sides of grief, including the ugly, selfish sides, but that being said, I’m not sure what I’m supposed to take away from this book. I was expecting a motivational or emotional story of grief, but this book is just as much (if not more) about repeating unhealthy relationships and Philippou’s mostly irrelevant career choices.
The book’s tagline is “what my decade in grief taught me about life”, but throughout it, I didn’t get the feeling that Philippou learned anything, and it frustrated me to no end. I am not questioning the immense pain of losing someone to suicide, but my sole takeaway is that Philippou only moves forward after getting the professional help with her mental health she has been avoiding for a decade. This is of course an important message, but not one that necessitates an entire memoir.
While this wasn’t my cup of tea, I’d still pick it up if it sounds intriguing to you! If you like simple writing, stories following real people through the ups and downs of everyday life, and a focus on grief and finding yourself in your twenties, you might enjoy it!
March 25, 2022
A story about suicide and grief
In 2008, while on the train back to London, Tiffany received the phone call that changed her life. Her boyfriend, Richard, had tried to take his own life and was in hospital. He died 7 days later.
She then spent the next decade pretending to the outside world that it hadn’t happened, suffering in silence while outwardly pretending she was fine. Relying on alcohol or burying herself in work (or sometimes both) as coping mechanisms to ignore the shame, blame and judgment she felt.
It was only when she started therapy in her late 20’s that she really started to make peace with his death and allowed herself to stop feeling guilty and angry.
This is a totally heart-wrenching true story of grief and the resultant shame that led to the derailment of her life and the bottling up of her feelings, all of which meant she continued to feel the impact of it all for a long time.
At times, the way she acted at work and treated her boyfriends felt selfish but she was lucky to have real friends around her supporting her and helping her through.
The timeline of the book was mostly linear, but sometimes jumped around a bit - it felt like I was reading someone’s diary, like she was trying to get thoughts out of her head as quickly as possible, with no editing to restructure afterwards.
I spent most of the book feeling desperately sad for Tiffany so I was so pleased when she started therapy and taking charge of her life again. It was an insight into the aftermath of death by suicide.
Overall it was interesting to read and it was probably therapeutic for her to write.
In 2008, while on the train back to London, Tiffany received the phone call that changed her life. Her boyfriend, Richard, had tried to take his own life and was in hospital. He died 7 days later.
She then spent the next decade pretending to the outside world that it hadn’t happened, suffering in silence while outwardly pretending she was fine. Relying on alcohol or burying herself in work (or sometimes both) as coping mechanisms to ignore the shame, blame and judgment she felt.
It was only when she started therapy in her late 20’s that she really started to make peace with his death and allowed herself to stop feeling guilty and angry.
This is a totally heart-wrenching true story of grief and the resultant shame that led to the derailment of her life and the bottling up of her feelings, all of which meant she continued to feel the impact of it all for a long time.
At times, the way she acted at work and treated her boyfriends felt selfish but she was lucky to have real friends around her supporting her and helping her through.
The timeline of the book was mostly linear, but sometimes jumped around a bit - it felt like I was reading someone’s diary, like she was trying to get thoughts out of her head as quickly as possible, with no editing to restructure afterwards.
I spent most of the book feeling desperately sad for Tiffany so I was so pleased when she started therapy and taking charge of her life again. It was an insight into the aftermath of death by suicide.
Overall it was interesting to read and it was probably therapeutic for her to write.
March 25, 2022
“Shame is a monster that grows inside us. We all have the monster, it's what we decide to do with it that determines how we live our lives. This is my story...”
My thanks to Thread Books for an eARC via NetGalley of‘Totally Fine (And Other Lies I've Told Myself)’ by Tiffany Philippou in exchange for an honest review.
In this memoir Tiffany Philippou shares her experience of grief after her boyfriend Richard took his own life in the summer of 2008. Grief is never easy to write about and when suicide is involved it often adds layers of guilt and shame to the bereavement.
I certainly could relate to her situation and applauded her for sharing her experiences with such candour. Hopefully this memoir will assist others struggling with their own grief.
I had thought that the memoir would focus more on this aspect rather than to chart her subsequent career and romantic life. However, as Richard’s death happened when she had just turned nineteen, I expect that it was important for her to share that eventually her life did carry on despite this shattering event.
So even though I found it hard to connect to those more conventional sections of the memoir, it’s likely that other readers will be able to relate.
I was very impressed by her Epilogue in which she shared the speech that she wished she had given at Richard’s funeral. It was extremely powerful and moved me to tears.
I was pleased that she included resources for those who might be experiencing suicidal thoughts for both the U.K. and USA, though I felt that some resources for those effected by the suicide of a loved one would also have been useful.
3.5 stars rounded up to 4.
My thanks to Thread Books for an eARC via NetGalley of‘Totally Fine (And Other Lies I've Told Myself)’ by Tiffany Philippou in exchange for an honest review.
In this memoir Tiffany Philippou shares her experience of grief after her boyfriend Richard took his own life in the summer of 2008. Grief is never easy to write about and when suicide is involved it often adds layers of guilt and shame to the bereavement.
I certainly could relate to her situation and applauded her for sharing her experiences with such candour. Hopefully this memoir will assist others struggling with their own grief.
I had thought that the memoir would focus more on this aspect rather than to chart her subsequent career and romantic life. However, as Richard’s death happened when she had just turned nineteen, I expect that it was important for her to share that eventually her life did carry on despite this shattering event.
So even though I found it hard to connect to those more conventional sections of the memoir, it’s likely that other readers will be able to relate.
I was very impressed by her Epilogue in which she shared the speech that she wished she had given at Richard’s funeral. It was extremely powerful and moved me to tears.
I was pleased that she included resources for those who might be experiencing suicidal thoughts for both the U.K. and USA, though I felt that some resources for those effected by the suicide of a loved one would also have been useful.
3.5 stars rounded up to 4.
January 26, 2022
Rating: 3
Genre: nonfiction, memoir
Trigger Warning(s): suicide, self-harm
Ah, I didn't expect to connect to this book as much as I did. Philippou writes with such rawness and vulnerability, it is difficult not to be drawn to her words. I won't lie, Phillipou comes across as malicious in her treatment of her boyfriend Richard, who meets his untimely death by suicide after receiving word that he failed to pass his classes at Bristol for a second time.
Philippou's anecdotes of her conversations and actions leading up to his death emphasize how our interactions-- no matter how small-- have enormous impacts on others, which often go overlooked due to clouding from our own emotions. We are human. We laugh. We cry. We snap. The timeline of where we are when we interact with others can influence our reactions.
Overall, Totally Fine (And Other Lies I've Told Myself): What my decade in grief taught me about life is a great, quick read that might appeal best to the college-age population. It would be more difficult for older generations to connect the stressors of academic rigor with suicide, as evidenced by other reviews.
Genre: nonfiction, memoir
Trigger Warning(s): suicide, self-harm
"Shame is the cruelest of the human emotions, and the further we push it down, the larger it grows."
Ah, I didn't expect to connect to this book as much as I did. Philippou writes with such rawness and vulnerability, it is difficult not to be drawn to her words. I won't lie, Phillipou comes across as malicious in her treatment of her boyfriend Richard, who meets his untimely death by suicide after receiving word that he failed to pass his classes at Bristol for a second time.
Philippou's anecdotes of her conversations and actions leading up to his death emphasize how our interactions-- no matter how small-- have enormous impacts on others, which often go overlooked due to clouding from our own emotions. We are human. We laugh. We cry. We snap. The timeline of where we are when we interact with others can influence our reactions.
Overall, Totally Fine (And Other Lies I've Told Myself): What my decade in grief taught me about life is a great, quick read that might appeal best to the college-age population. It would be more difficult for older generations to connect the stressors of academic rigor with suicide, as evidenced by other reviews.
February 25, 2022
This is a nonfiction book about the author's struggle with grief and finding herself during her 20s. After her college boyfriend, Richard, dies by suicide, the author spirals and has difficulty connecting with others and deciding what she wants to do with her life. The author is admittedly a fan of Brene Brown and referenced various terms used in Brown's work, which I appreciated because it contributed to the feeling that this book was an honest endeavor to make sense of her own life.
While I initially thought that this book would be focused on the lessons that the author learned from her grief, it felt more like a book about how overbearing grief is. I didn't mind that because the author's reflection on this decade of her life was incredibly raw. At times I almost felt like I was a close personal friend to whom she confiding in about the most difficult period of her life. I really enjoyed her style of writing about such a difficult, complex topic. I also enjoyed the fact that more than simply being about grief, that the author included her struggle to find herself and cultivate relationships in the modern era. I do think that some of these issues felt somewhat disjointed from other parts of the book though.
Thank you to Bookouture Audio and Net Galley for the advance electronic copy of Totally Fine (And Other Lies I've Told Myself): What my decade in grief taught me about life in exchange for my honest review!
While I initially thought that this book would be focused on the lessons that the author learned from her grief, it felt more like a book about how overbearing grief is. I didn't mind that because the author's reflection on this decade of her life was incredibly raw. At times I almost felt like I was a close personal friend to whom she confiding in about the most difficult period of her life. I really enjoyed her style of writing about such a difficult, complex topic. I also enjoyed the fact that more than simply being about grief, that the author included her struggle to find herself and cultivate relationships in the modern era. I do think that some of these issues felt somewhat disjointed from other parts of the book though.
Thank you to Bookouture Audio and Net Galley for the advance electronic copy of Totally Fine (And Other Lies I've Told Myself): What my decade in grief taught me about life in exchange for my honest review!
March 4, 2022
This is not a book to read on a whim. You must prepare yourself to hear a vulnerable account of a young woman, who was forced to endure the most traumatic time of her life, when she learned of her boyfriend’s suicide.
Tiffany is raw when she admits that she did not possess the tools necessary to have healthy relationships with those in her life because she lacked the ability to articulate her emotions. As a result, she found herself making poor decision after poor decision just so she could keep her head above water.
It is safe to say that I had to pause my reading of this when I became overwhelmed or frustrated as Tiffany talked about her life choices. Yet, I completely understand that while her choices made no sense logically, she was merely trying to function in a world that no longer made sense.
It is easy for me to sit here and judge her when I have never been forced to endure what she has. I simply wanted better and more for her after hearing her story. While she does end on a happier note, I was left feeling that I needed more. I want her to have the happily ever after we hear about in fairytales. Sadly, as Tiffany’s story illustrates, life does not go as planned.
Thank you to NetGalley.com and Bookouture Audio for allowing me to read this in exchange for my honest feedback.
Tiffany is raw when she admits that she did not possess the tools necessary to have healthy relationships with those in her life because she lacked the ability to articulate her emotions. As a result, she found herself making poor decision after poor decision just so she could keep her head above water.
It is safe to say that I had to pause my reading of this when I became overwhelmed or frustrated as Tiffany talked about her life choices. Yet, I completely understand that while her choices made no sense logically, she was merely trying to function in a world that no longer made sense.
It is easy for me to sit here and judge her when I have never been forced to endure what she has. I simply wanted better and more for her after hearing her story. While she does end on a happier note, I was left feeling that I needed more. I want her to have the happily ever after we hear about in fairytales. Sadly, as Tiffany’s story illustrates, life does not go as planned.
Thank you to NetGalley.com and Bookouture Audio for allowing me to read this in exchange for my honest feedback.
March 20, 2022
Philippou's debut is heartbreaking and devastating following her experiences at University following the suicide of her boyfriend, Richard. This book feels close to home growing up near Bristol (and now living here) and sadly, this has become a too regular occurrence at Bristol University over the last 10 years or so.
This memoir follows the grief that the author has dealt with since Richard's death, the friends she's lost, the relationships that suffered and her everyday life impacted by the loss she has had to bear. It seeps into her University work, her working life post-university and her emotions when interacting with other people, not seeming to think about the consequences.
What Philippou had to deal with is unimaginable and to read her story puts into perspective how everyone deals with grief differently. It must have been very difficult to not only reflect on the past but write it down, the relationship with Richard and the aftermath. The coming to terms with how it has affected you physically and mentally, how you haven't always dealt with things in the correct way and who you may have hurt along the way as you are hurting also.
I feel like we always ask ourselves what we could have done differently or 'why didn't I see it coming?' and it's too easy to blame yourself. I'm so glad that Philippou has been able to write this memoir about her experiences and deal with her grief to move on and enjoy her life.
This memoir follows the grief that the author has dealt with since Richard's death, the friends she's lost, the relationships that suffered and her everyday life impacted by the loss she has had to bear. It seeps into her University work, her working life post-university and her emotions when interacting with other people, not seeming to think about the consequences.
What Philippou had to deal with is unimaginable and to read her story puts into perspective how everyone deals with grief differently. It must have been very difficult to not only reflect on the past but write it down, the relationship with Richard and the aftermath. The coming to terms with how it has affected you physically and mentally, how you haven't always dealt with things in the correct way and who you may have hurt along the way as you are hurting also.
I feel like we always ask ourselves what we could have done differently or 'why didn't I see it coming?' and it's too easy to blame yourself. I'm so glad that Philippou has been able to write this memoir about her experiences and deal with her grief to move on and enjoy her life.
February 17, 2022
I listened to this audiobook and I'm pleased I did as it was narrated by the author herself and I find that I always enjoy this more. In this book, Tiffany tells the tragic story of her boyfriend taking his own life whilst at university and the downward spiral her life takes following this event.
Tiffany's writing is so raw and vulnerable and I appreciate that it must have been incredibly difficult for her to write, particularly as she doesn't always paint herself in the best light.
I felt drawn to listening to her story, and I'm glad that I did. However, I think I had been expecting a little more than 'just' her personal story, whether it be tips on how to deal with grief or how to move forwards.
Re-reading the blurb - 'And that it is only by sharing our stories that we can give a voice to what is unspoken. A voice to the stories that we don’t want to tell. So whatever pain you’re holding on to, whatever story you’re scared to tell, I’m writing this for you' - I feel that she is sharing her story in order to deal with her grief and is suggesting that this is the way to move forwards.
My thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for sending me this ARC in return for an honest review.
Tiffany's writing is so raw and vulnerable and I appreciate that it must have been incredibly difficult for her to write, particularly as she doesn't always paint herself in the best light.
I felt drawn to listening to her story, and I'm glad that I did. However, I think I had been expecting a little more than 'just' her personal story, whether it be tips on how to deal with grief or how to move forwards.
Re-reading the blurb - 'And that it is only by sharing our stories that we can give a voice to what is unspoken. A voice to the stories that we don’t want to tell. So whatever pain you’re holding on to, whatever story you’re scared to tell, I’m writing this for you' - I feel that she is sharing her story in order to deal with her grief and is suggesting that this is the way to move forwards.
My thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for sending me this ARC in return for an honest review.
March 21, 2022
This book tells the story of Tiffany’s life starting when she left London for Bristol University.
It’s where she met Richard, who became her boyfriend. Tiffany describes their relationship and university life, and events that led to Richard’s suicide.
She has spent nearly a decade blaming herself, thinking of other possibilities, the what ifs… After Richard’s death, Tiffany found solace in alcohol and parties. The book follows Tiffany as she enters the world of work and she begins new relationships.
She depicts with brutal honesty how she would lust after men that didn’t want her and her social anxiety is palpable in each chapter.
Tiffany left for New York, where she gained weight and got into debt, before finally coming back to the UK, and obsessing over exercise to lose weight.
As I was reading, I got an impression that Tiffany was always doing things in an extreme way, she was always searching to fill the void. I was glad to find out she got into therapy and received all the help she needed, however, it took her a long time to search for help.
Overall, it’s a heart breaking and poignant read. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain that Tiffany has gone through.
It’s where she met Richard, who became her boyfriend. Tiffany describes their relationship and university life, and events that led to Richard’s suicide.
She has spent nearly a decade blaming herself, thinking of other possibilities, the what ifs… After Richard’s death, Tiffany found solace in alcohol and parties. The book follows Tiffany as she enters the world of work and she begins new relationships.
She depicts with brutal honesty how she would lust after men that didn’t want her and her social anxiety is palpable in each chapter.
Tiffany left for New York, where she gained weight and got into debt, before finally coming back to the UK, and obsessing over exercise to lose weight.
As I was reading, I got an impression that Tiffany was always doing things in an extreme way, she was always searching to fill the void. I was glad to find out she got into therapy and received all the help she needed, however, it took her a long time to search for help.
Overall, it’s a heart breaking and poignant read. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain that Tiffany has gone through.
April 30, 2022
Tiffany Philippou lays out all of the heartbreak, shame, and unhealthy coping mechanisms she went through after her college boyfriend’s death by suicide in 2008. Ten years after the event, Tiffany continued to struggle with alcoholism, an inability to create intimate relationships, and extreme anxiety despite repeated success in her professional life. Therapy eventually gave her an opportunity to talk about the events surrounding Richard’s death, the shame she carries for not recognizing the intensity of depression leading up to his death, and the ways that she felt and reacted to subsequent romantic interests as a result. There is quite a bit of detail about the suicide itself and the destructive behaviors that preceded and followed in her life, so this definitely is not for anyone easily triggered. It’s an important topic to discuss given the frequency of suicide in our modern society, and it’s helpful to see that Tiffany eventually reaches a point where she starts to heal the wounds by first acknowledging they still exist. The journey is powerful but also a little tedious, particularly in the many details about her professional life. Big thanks to Netgalley for the opportunity to listen to the book in exchange for my honest review.
Read
July 5, 2022"Oh, how I loved New York in all its intense glory. I loved how the sun shone so brightly every single day...I loved the heat of summer and the snow in winter. I adored the glamour of wearing sunglasses with a winter coat. I loved it all, even the sound of sirens or the garbage on the street and the grittiness of the subway. I loved its madness. I loved its toughness and I loved how everything was more extreme than in London, which seemed awfully polite and grey in comparison. New York City had a fucked-up energy to it..." [p. 153]
[hanging out a lot with sister] "It was a joyous time of rediscovering each other and building a friendship. She'd played the big sister role of making my dinner and looking after me at school, but I always thought we were worlds apart. She was far more academic and studious and I saw myself as wilder and more rebellious. It was the first time in my life when I realised that despite a lifetime of denial and attempts to define myself against her, we were actually very similar...there were certain personality traits and views on the world that we shared. Elements of my personality, which had sometimes got me in trouble, became less alienating as I learned that they were family traits" [p. 188]
[hanging out a lot with sister] "It was a joyous time of rediscovering each other and building a friendship. She'd played the big sister role of making my dinner and looking after me at school, but I always thought we were worlds apart. She was far more academic and studious and I saw myself as wilder and more rebellious. It was the first time in my life when I realised that despite a lifetime of denial and attempts to define myself against her, we were actually very similar...there were certain personality traits and views on the world that we shared. Elements of my personality, which had sometimes got me in trouble, became less alienating as I learned that they were family traits" [p. 188]
February 14, 2022
This is a very difficult book to listen to/read, though one that it still rewarding. I knew it was about the author's boyfriend taking his own life, but I didn't expect how frank and detailed the author would be in narrating the self-destructive spiral of her life afterwards. I was tempted at times to stop, but I was desperate to know if things would get any better for her (I assumed they would, given that she's managed to write a memoir).
I do applaud the author for her honesty, and the very end when she addresses her boyfriend pretty much directly was heart-wrenching and beautiful. I also recognise that she needed to tell the full story, including her career in start-ups, which on the surface didn't seem all that relevant but of course related deeply to her sense of shame and the way her trauma helped steer her life decisions.
Oddly, I didn't like the author's narration of her own audiobook, even though normally I prefer to listen to memoirs in the author's own voice - but I found her voice and way of speaking robotic. Still, I'm glad I listened to the book.
(With thanks to NetGalley and Bookouture Audio for this audiobook in exchange for an honest review)
I do applaud the author for her honesty, and the very end when she addresses her boyfriend pretty much directly was heart-wrenching and beautiful. I also recognise that she needed to tell the full story, including her career in start-ups, which on the surface didn't seem all that relevant but of course related deeply to her sense of shame and the way her trauma helped steer her life decisions.
Oddly, I didn't like the author's narration of her own audiobook, even though normally I prefer to listen to memoirs in the author's own voice - but I found her voice and way of speaking robotic. Still, I'm glad I listened to the book.
(With thanks to NetGalley and Bookouture Audio for this audiobook in exchange for an honest review)
September 9, 2022
As part of my reading project for the year to read #12memoirsin2022 I picked up #totallyfineandotherliesivetoldmyself
The book was kindly gifted to me by @threadbooks
Even though I have become fond of reading memoirs, I cannot quite put my thoughts to words when it come to reviewing them. Most of the time I feel that these should not be debated because well who are we to comment on someones life . But contradictory to these thoughts I am disappointed that this book did not deliver what it promises. The title says 'What my decade in grief taught me about life' but no you don't get to read that part at all .
This book is about the author's struggle with grief and finding herself during her 20s when her boyfriend commits suicide. I could completely understand and empathise the grief and guilt associated with her loss even though I have no personal experience in this area. But what frustrated me was that for more than half of the book we follow the author as she moves jobs, gets into unhealthy relationships, gets drunk all the time and her one night stands. It is true that everyone deals with grief differently and that she had her own ways to but I had the feeling that the whole thing sounded very selfish and self-induged - That nothing was actually learnt nor do we as readers have nothing to learn.
I am not very proud of this harsh and judgemental review but I went into this book with high expectations of reading something about dealing with grief but I was surprised that only the last 10 or 15pgs actually talked about her getting into therapy or anything at all to fix herself .
However I really appreciate the author for this bold attempt at not only writing such a bold memoir but for having to go back and think about the bad memories in her life to write in depth about her boyfriends suicide. I can only imagine how hard this must have been. I am glad she is out of the self-pity and do-shit-and-blame-it-on-a-dead-boyfriend phase only to be happy.
I rated this book 3 on goodreads for all the effort that went into writing and publishing this book even though I could not connect with her . This was my 7th memoir this year.
The book was kindly gifted to me by @threadbooks
Even though I have become fond of reading memoirs, I cannot quite put my thoughts to words when it come to reviewing them. Most of the time I feel that these should not be debated because well who are we to comment on someones life . But contradictory to these thoughts I am disappointed that this book did not deliver what it promises. The title says 'What my decade in grief taught me about life' but no you don't get to read that part at all .
This book is about the author's struggle with grief and finding herself during her 20s when her boyfriend commits suicide. I could completely understand and empathise the grief and guilt associated with her loss even though I have no personal experience in this area. But what frustrated me was that for more than half of the book we follow the author as she moves jobs, gets into unhealthy relationships, gets drunk all the time and her one night stands. It is true that everyone deals with grief differently and that she had her own ways to but I had the feeling that the whole thing sounded very selfish and self-induged - That nothing was actually learnt nor do we as readers have nothing to learn.
I am not very proud of this harsh and judgemental review but I went into this book with high expectations of reading something about dealing with grief but I was surprised that only the last 10 or 15pgs actually talked about her getting into therapy or anything at all to fix herself .
However I really appreciate the author for this bold attempt at not only writing such a bold memoir but for having to go back and think about the bad memories in her life to write in depth about her boyfriends suicide. I can only imagine how hard this must have been. I am glad she is out of the self-pity and do-shit-and-blame-it-on-a-dead-boyfriend phase only to be happy.
I rated this book 3 on goodreads for all the effort that went into writing and publishing this book even though I could not connect with her . This was my 7th memoir this year.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 67 reviews