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Man Down: Why Men Are Unhappy and What We Can Do About It
'The most honest, most revealing - and funniest - exploration of male mental health I have ever read' Adam Kay
'Matt Rudd may have written the most important book in a generation' Idle Society
On the surface, men today don't have much to complain about. At work, they still get paid more than women for doing the same jobs. At home, they still shirk most of the unpaid labour. Putting the bins out does not count.
Beneath the surface, it's a different story. An alarming number of men end up anxious, exhausted, depressed - and very reluctant to admit they are. Even if they do everything that's expected of them in work, life and fatherhood, genuine happiness is still elusive. By midlife, their levels of stress are higher and their levels of wellbeing are lower - and work-life balance turns out to be just a cruel illusion.
The evidence is clear and the system set up by men for men doesn't work for men either. It is making none of us happy.
In Man Down , Matt Rudd takes the long view on this perplexing paradox. Drawing on stories from his own life, and the varied lives of the other men he has interviewed, he goes back to the beginning to consider what makes the modern man - how the seeds of midlife misery are sown in the school playground and cultivated through adolescence and into adulthood. By turns compassionate and provocative, Man Down asks the important is midlife unhappiness inevitable? Spoiler it isn't.
'Matt Rudd may have written the most important book in a generation' Idle Society
On the surface, men today don't have much to complain about. At work, they still get paid more than women for doing the same jobs. At home, they still shirk most of the unpaid labour. Putting the bins out does not count.
Beneath the surface, it's a different story. An alarming number of men end up anxious, exhausted, depressed - and very reluctant to admit they are. Even if they do everything that's expected of them in work, life and fatherhood, genuine happiness is still elusive. By midlife, their levels of stress are higher and their levels of wellbeing are lower - and work-life balance turns out to be just a cruel illusion.
The evidence is clear and the system set up by men for men doesn't work for men either. It is making none of us happy.
In Man Down , Matt Rudd takes the long view on this perplexing paradox. Drawing on stories from his own life, and the varied lives of the other men he has interviewed, he goes back to the beginning to consider what makes the modern man - how the seeds of midlife misery are sown in the school playground and cultivated through adolescence and into adulthood. By turns compassionate and provocative, Man Down asks the important is midlife unhappiness inevitable? Spoiler it isn't.
224 pages, Paperback
Published March 4, 2022
21 people are currently reading
154 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews
August 4, 2024
Touches on different challenges men face in their lives and how we could change our minds to either avoid those challenges, or cope with them better. There were quite a few times when I chuckled while reading the book
May 14, 2022
A good read, some interesting and maybe eye opening thoughts and ideas on why men struggle through the work years weighted down by the need to work, keep climbing the career ladder and earning as much as possible to provide for their family while suffering, usually in silence from crippling fear of everything collapsing around them. Rudd suggests that the way we as a society being up our boys from infancy and the perceptions ( both self and societal) we place on boys, teenagers, young men and mid life men cause this. The book is kept light hearted and there are laugh out loud moments, and suggestions of how to prevent / change things. Having said that, I'm not sure I would want my teenage boys to read this - it paints quite a bleak picture at times
February 28, 2022
Kan trygt anbefales for alle.
December 26, 2025
And mens problems are...what exactly???....
My New Years resolution (for next year) is to try to be more sympathic & understanding to men. This book DIDN'T help. Numerous times I wanted to throw the book at the authors head and shout "get to the real problems". But I finished wondering still,"what ARE men unhappy with?". Not people in general, MEN.
Given that the author is a white, educated, middle-class, middle aged man with a well paying job and wife (free domestic labour, see below) at home, he's not starting from the most relatable position. Nevertheless, he tentatively complains of a number of things that might be at fault for his, and other mens very vague sense of non specific unhappiness. Boys dont like school, boys feel exam pressure, boys feel "pressure" to have sex young, men have to go to work, men feel stressed when their partners give birth, men have to earn money. But not one of these issues is a MALE problem. They are UNIVERSAL problems.
In fact, the author sometimes acknowledges, in the book and its blurb, that women are statistically for more impacted by all these issues. Women earn less, are promoted less, take on most domestic labour (men, he says,"shirk" most of it) AS WELL working outside of the home - women even give birth (something the author seems to think is only marginally more stressful than watching someone give birth). And that's before you get into statistics for women on abuse, violence, health care, elder/ family care, harassment, infidelity, divorce..... But Won't Someone Think of the Poon Poor Men????
The only problem that is specifically MALE that I could see is that men choose go to the doctors later about health issues. A personal choice that could be major and life threatening - but could be solved by men, you know, making a doctors appointment. Maybe I'm wrong, and this is my bias coming through, but making a doctors appointment seem something a man could do. If he wanted to bother, of course.
Overall, I'm left with the feeling that Men Feel Not Happy - but for no actual identifiable reason. Just,you know, Life is Hard, even for the incredibly well off and socially privileged. And shouldn't the world really think for once about making rich priviledged mens lives more easy??
Sigh.
My honest suggestion to the author and Privileged Men Who Are Vaguely Unhappy But Don't Know Why is something the author NEVER considers. Try to make the world a better place. Seriously. Politics, volunteering, campaigning, organising, run a club, join a society, school board, parish council, whatever. Something useful. Anything. Not only might they get some satisfaction from the prospect of leaving the world a better place, making friends, achieving things etc-it might also stop them naval gazing and introduce them to people with REAL problems that these man can REALLY help with.
Some specifics that irked me….
Chapter 2 - seeming titled on gender relations starts off with sex. And goes on for pages and pages. About sex. Not about relationships or marriage etc. Sex.
"How quick we are to leave the emotional labour to women. And if we don't, how easily all of our shame, anxiety and ignorance can develop". So that's the binary choice, ladies. Either do the emotional labour FOR men, or YOU are responsible for the unsavoury, hateful, even violent, behaviour of men if you don't. Of course its hot an option for men to do THEIR OWN emotional labour
On films that objectify women (aka "the male gaze") - “"surely it's up to the studio bosses and television executives to give men something less damaging?" Yes, certainly. studio bosses are PUSHING this on TOTALLY unwilling men, sigh. That's why it's so profitable and continues to be made. And its UNTHINKABLE that men should choose instead to watch entertainment that treats women respectfully! Sigh
"Andrew was back at work less than two weeks after an agonising wait for a bed on the antenated ward, eighteen hours of labour, an induced birth, an aborted emergency Caesarean and, finally, the arrival of a healthy baby boy". No. Thats what Andrews PARTNER went through. Andrew went through none of that. The only bit relating directly to what Andrew ACTUALLY did is that he took time off then he went back to work.
"There is a strong consensus among all the dads I interview: two weeks is not enough; a month would be better: any longer and they would start to worry that work couldn't cope without them. Or, whispered quietly in the paranoid small hours, that work night easily cope without then". So men don't WANT longer paternity leave. They dont WANT to take time off. So remind me of the problem here?
"In 1974, the avage fathers interaction with his kids amounted to a Rumpolian five minutes a day, By 2014, this had risen to just thirty five minutes a day, compared to the average mothers one hour. Nevertheless it's still a significant change". Gold medals all round for the men!!! They're STILL doing HALF the childcare of women, but they're doing more than their fathers used to!! Well done, men!!! (See above about women doing more than men and getting less recognition for it. Have you ever heard anyone say the phrase, "oh she's such a hands-on MOTHER")
[On paternity leave] " It was also partly became of me. I didn't consider asking for more time. It didn't occur to me" Again, men don't WANT more paternity leave. So the problem is...?
"In a society, by and large, where men work and women raise children...." He later quotes statistics that 75% of mothers work. So that sentence should read,in a society where men work and women work AND raise children..."
The author goes for one single session of therapy, saying "the therapist began by asking what was wrong and I said that there was nothing in particular and that I wasn't even sure why I was there". He never went back.
"Almost all of the men l interviewed for this book are worried about money. This would make sense it they had none, but many of them are" successful". They might not be rolling in it (although some of them and, but they're certainly doing all right. They're in stable jobs and a decent pay cheque arrives each month, just as it has for years. the problem, then, is not lack of money but the fear of a lack of money". The problem is the FEAR of having a problem, they don't have. There is no problem. There is no REAL ACTUAL problem here. Sigh
In the authors acknowledgements "And thank you to my wife.. She pointed out the irony of writing a chapter about hands-on parenting while [I was] not doing nearly enough hands-on parenting”". Face palm
My New Years resolution (for next year) is to try to be more sympathic & understanding to men. This book DIDN'T help. Numerous times I wanted to throw the book at the authors head and shout "get to the real problems". But I finished wondering still,"what ARE men unhappy with?". Not people in general, MEN.
Given that the author is a white, educated, middle-class, middle aged man with a well paying job and wife (free domestic labour, see below) at home, he's not starting from the most relatable position. Nevertheless, he tentatively complains of a number of things that might be at fault for his, and other mens very vague sense of non specific unhappiness. Boys dont like school, boys feel exam pressure, boys feel "pressure" to have sex young, men have to go to work, men feel stressed when their partners give birth, men have to earn money. But not one of these issues is a MALE problem. They are UNIVERSAL problems.
In fact, the author sometimes acknowledges, in the book and its blurb, that women are statistically for more impacted by all these issues. Women earn less, are promoted less, take on most domestic labour (men, he says,"shirk" most of it) AS WELL working outside of the home - women even give birth (something the author seems to think is only marginally more stressful than watching someone give birth). And that's before you get into statistics for women on abuse, violence, health care, elder/ family care, harassment, infidelity, divorce..... But Won't Someone Think of the Poon Poor Men????
The only problem that is specifically MALE that I could see is that men choose go to the doctors later about health issues. A personal choice that could be major and life threatening - but could be solved by men, you know, making a doctors appointment. Maybe I'm wrong, and this is my bias coming through, but making a doctors appointment seem something a man could do. If he wanted to bother, of course.
Overall, I'm left with the feeling that Men Feel Not Happy - but for no actual identifiable reason. Just,you know, Life is Hard, even for the incredibly well off and socially privileged. And shouldn't the world really think for once about making rich priviledged mens lives more easy??
Sigh.
My honest suggestion to the author and Privileged Men Who Are Vaguely Unhappy But Don't Know Why is something the author NEVER considers. Try to make the world a better place. Seriously. Politics, volunteering, campaigning, organising, run a club, join a society, school board, parish council, whatever. Something useful. Anything. Not only might they get some satisfaction from the prospect of leaving the world a better place, making friends, achieving things etc-it might also stop them naval gazing and introduce them to people with REAL problems that these man can REALLY help with.
Some specifics that irked me….
Chapter 2 - seeming titled on gender relations starts off with sex. And goes on for pages and pages. About sex. Not about relationships or marriage etc. Sex.
"How quick we are to leave the emotional labour to women. And if we don't, how easily all of our shame, anxiety and ignorance can develop". So that's the binary choice, ladies. Either do the emotional labour FOR men, or YOU are responsible for the unsavoury, hateful, even violent, behaviour of men if you don't. Of course its hot an option for men to do THEIR OWN emotional labour
On films that objectify women (aka "the male gaze") - “"surely it's up to the studio bosses and television executives to give men something less damaging?" Yes, certainly. studio bosses are PUSHING this on TOTALLY unwilling men, sigh. That's why it's so profitable and continues to be made. And its UNTHINKABLE that men should choose instead to watch entertainment that treats women respectfully! Sigh
"Andrew was back at work less than two weeks after an agonising wait for a bed on the antenated ward, eighteen hours of labour, an induced birth, an aborted emergency Caesarean and, finally, the arrival of a healthy baby boy". No. Thats what Andrews PARTNER went through. Andrew went through none of that. The only bit relating directly to what Andrew ACTUALLY did is that he took time off then he went back to work.
"There is a strong consensus among all the dads I interview: two weeks is not enough; a month would be better: any longer and they would start to worry that work couldn't cope without them. Or, whispered quietly in the paranoid small hours, that work night easily cope without then". So men don't WANT longer paternity leave. They dont WANT to take time off. So remind me of the problem here?
"In 1974, the avage fathers interaction with his kids amounted to a Rumpolian five minutes a day, By 2014, this had risen to just thirty five minutes a day, compared to the average mothers one hour. Nevertheless it's still a significant change". Gold medals all round for the men!!! They're STILL doing HALF the childcare of women, but they're doing more than their fathers used to!! Well done, men!!! (See above about women doing more than men and getting less recognition for it. Have you ever heard anyone say the phrase, "oh she's such a hands-on MOTHER")
[On paternity leave] " It was also partly became of me. I didn't consider asking for more time. It didn't occur to me" Again, men don't WANT more paternity leave. So the problem is...?
"In a society, by and large, where men work and women raise children...." He later quotes statistics that 75% of mothers work. So that sentence should read,in a society where men work and women work AND raise children..."
The author goes for one single session of therapy, saying "the therapist began by asking what was wrong and I said that there was nothing in particular and that I wasn't even sure why I was there". He never went back.
"Almost all of the men l interviewed for this book are worried about money. This would make sense it they had none, but many of them are" successful". They might not be rolling in it (although some of them and, but they're certainly doing all right. They're in stable jobs and a decent pay cheque arrives each month, just as it has for years. the problem, then, is not lack of money but the fear of a lack of money". The problem is the FEAR of having a problem, they don't have. There is no problem. There is no REAL ACTUAL problem here. Sigh
In the authors acknowledgements "And thank you to my wife.. She pointed out the irony of writing a chapter about hands-on parenting while [I was] not doing nearly enough hands-on parenting”". Face palm
December 3, 2020
Journalist and author Matt Rudd takes a wry and humorous but honest look at the reasons why some middle aged, by-all-accounts-successful men find themselves demoralised and unhappy.
Rudd’s investigations and theories make sense: the gold star culture that starts at school, the addictive lure of technology, and the difficult of deviating from the career ladder amongst others.
A personal warning here as a female reader in a similar demographic to the target male audience of this book: I had that Athena poster as did 5 of my school friends and now our illusions are shattered!!
Rudd’s investigations and theories make sense: the gold star culture that starts at school, the addictive lure of technology, and the difficult of deviating from the career ladder amongst others.
A personal warning here as a female reader in a similar demographic to the target male audience of this book: I had that Athena poster as did 5 of my school friends and now our illusions are shattered!!
February 20, 2024
Great book! Sometimes these kind of books can become repetitive or feel like a lecture, this book is interesting and engaging, and whilst it isn’t a self help book it’s a must read for men who want to reflect on where they’re at!
June 3, 2022
Some repetition here but a good book, well worth a read.
June 7, 2023
Skimmed. Did not finish. Didn’t connect to me. Don’t judge it by my rating.
December 1, 2023
So worth a read, I learned a lot about the role society asks men to play. I will admit I have rarely thought about this and found this an interesting and enlightening read.
January 6, 2024
Fantastic, well written without the preachiness of self help, important.
Should be read by anyone with boys (or a male partner!!)
Should be read by anyone with boys (or a male partner!!)
October 1, 2024
I wish some of the men in my life would read this
December 28, 2024
Very informative and interesting book on mens mental health and a lot of really eye opening interviews showing male universal experiences.
October 6, 2025
Helpful and relatable, this is a well-written self-help book for people that don’t normally do self-help books.
I liked Rudd’s humorous inflections that dotted around the serious case studies. Chapters on career, money, sex and childhood made sure the topic of male happiness was viewed from many aspects of life.
It also helped that I read this at the same time as someone else in a position of needing to read this book; we compared anecdotes and discussed some of the topics that came up in the book. It was massively helpful, and this book was the springboard to deeper conversation.
I liked Rudd’s humorous inflections that dotted around the serious case studies. Chapters on career, money, sex and childhood made sure the topic of male happiness was viewed from many aspects of life.
It also helped that I read this at the same time as someone else in a position of needing to read this book; we compared anecdotes and discussed some of the topics that came up in the book. It was massively helpful, and this book was the springboard to deeper conversation.
Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews