Just like my last Monty Jay reading experience, I’m in awe that her first published book was just this year. And now, the verdict is in, dear friends- Love and Hockey was no beginner’s luck, because Ice Hearts is fantastic. Prepare to FEEL, because this story is incredibly moving.
Love and Hockey caught us all off guard- everything was unknown, but going into this story, those who read the debut know that this love story is not going to be easy. Our heroine Riggs, caught in hopelessness and exhausted from fighting with her mind every day made a painful decision that shocked us all in Love and Hockey. We quickly learned that Riggs had much more to her than the sassy ballbusting best friend we’d grown to love- and Ice Hearts cracks her wide open. I was not ready to uncover all that has shaped Riggs pain and despair, but Monty holds nothing back. We learn about Riggs right alongside Nico- the man who connected with her in her darkest moment, and the man who is unwilling to let that connection go.
This story is a different story- and it proves MJ’s writing chops yet again that she allowed the story, the narrative flow and approach to mimic her subject matter. Love and Hockey had a kinetic energy, a air of mystery and heat, an urgency to its story- but from the first chapter of Ice Hearts, we can see that Riggs’ story has a totally different vibe. And wow- that first chapter, it was lyrical and poetic. Ice Hearts feels more meta in narrative construction- the pace is slower, the emotions more steadily meted, the intensity a steady hum. There is less action, and in fact less overall other character interaction- and it makes so much sense for the themes of this story. Monty lets us really SIT in Riggs’ and Nico’s experiences- they are stuck in their own pain, their own challenges, and therefore so are we as readers.
And that is the magic of this story- because this is really a story of two people confronting the most painful aspects of their being. Both of these characters are experiencing twin pains- both mourning something crucial to their identity. Nico is grieving a part of his life this is gone, and Riggs is grieving the narrative she can no longer live. Both are challenged by vulnerability, but find comfort and strength- and we see a love story that is really about healing. Healing by confronting your own pain, healing by being open about your fragileness. “Love is a thing that can exploit your soul to the world, and mine is already damaged enough.” This is a story about finding peace with your own damage by looking it directly in the eye. Nico and Riggs find loving one another easy- it is their own healing that challenges them.
Riggs is so complex- so multi-faceted, and not at all who I expected her to be, but I loved her, and most importantly, I respect her. And I hurt for her. Because Riggs is so lost- she feels trapped in her disorder, trapped in her own pain, oppressed by the expectations of her family and career, smothered by her own feelings. The pain is too much, so she tries to siphon it off, she focuses on everyone else and convincing them she’s okay because she’s terrified to confront her own suffering, because she knows she’ll find a terrifying truth- she is very much NOT okay. And she wants nothing more than to be FREE of all of that, but the path to being there feels unattainable. We learn so much about who Riggs is, and I loved her contrast- she’s both strong and struggling, feels too much but numb, effervescent and dimmed. She’s a fighter, even if her path is incredibly hard and she stumbles. For someone so well loved, Riggs is really alone. She doesn’t let people see her, not even herself, but Nico, Nico sees her.
NICO- my heart. This man. The light, funny, joyful man who is so secure in himself, who is so open is uncharacteristically lost. He’s lost his center, and that has threatened what matters most to him- family and hockey. But a moment of dark tragedy connected him to Riggs, and she reignited his spark- she was a glowing lighthouse in a dark storm. He’s persistent but patient, and so heartwarmingly compassionate. His love for Riggs- OH MY SOUL. What I love is that he loves her and accepts her BECAUSE of who she is, not in spite of it. He doesn’t want to “fix her”- because there is nothing wrong with her. He gives her what she needs- he loves her just how she needs to be love- unconditionally, boldly, and openly. Their connection is intense, beautiful, and so very emotional.
Riggs' story is very personal to me- and I want to match her vulnerability with some of my own, so that I can explain just how important her journey is and how resonant it is for me personally. When I was 18, my father tried to do what Riggs did- in the exact same way- except he succeeded. Unlike many less empathetic responses to suicide, I’ve never been angry at him, and I don’t think he was selfish. But, being in inside Riggs head, in hearing her journey and struggles, I felt somehow closer to him. Like I understood what he was feeling, where he was in that moment a little bit better. Riggs' story isn’t easy, nor was having the kind of connection to it that I do, but it also felt cathartic, healing in a way, spiritual even. And that is because Monty Jay does not sugarcoat Riggs' journey- her highs and lows. This isn’t about dramatizing or exploiting suicide and mental health challenges. Riggs' story is told with love and compassion, with tenderness and kindness. But most importantly- with authenticity. She doesn’t just wake up one day and is better. Finding her lover doesn’t “cure” her pain or challenges. MJ is real about Riggs’ disorder- she doesn’t romanticize it, she doesn’t “fix it,” she let’s it be what it is- hopeful, but unending. Intentional work, open communication, coping, time, confronting her pain, unconditional support and love from those around her- THAT is what helps Riggs work through the tougher moments. But the tougher moments? That doesn't just end because she finds love, just because the book ends. The authenticity of Riggs' journey deeply moved me- but what filled my heart with such emotion was the gentleness though which MJ lets her struggles breathe. She lets her shine, opens her up to us, lets us see the beauty of both her strength and weakness.
Ice Hearts is complicated, it’s nuanced, it's emotional- and it is so very beautiful. Real, but also hopeful. This series is shaping up to be my favorite of mine, and Monty Jay is now firmly on my one-click list. Her writing is beautifully constructed, her stories have emotional resonance, and her characters steal your heart. I can not wait to read where Monty goes next.