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The Bleeding Tree: A Pathway Through Grief Guided by Forests, Folk Tales and the Ritual Year
It was the last of the ebbing days, the brink of the new season. It was the murky hours, the clove between sunset and sunrise. It was a tall tree with deep roots and it had been bleeding for a long while. As summer falls into autumn, Hollie Starling is hit by the heart-stopping news that her father has died by suicide. Thrust into a state of 'grief on hard mode', Hollie feels underserved by current attitudes toward grief and so seeks another way through the dark. Following her first year without her father, Hollie embraces her lifelong interest in folklore and turns to the healing power of nature, the changing seasons and the rituals of ancient communities. The Bleeding Tree is an unflinching year-zero guidebook to grief that shows us that by looking back to past traditions of bereavement we can all find our own way forward.
352 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2023
23 people are currently reading
483 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews
October 24, 2023
Found this in a coop bookshop in Malvern, England. Despite many telling me I’m morbid for reading this book, it’s truly fascinating. I don’t fully share the author’s beliefs- she is atheist- but I appreciate the folklore and research she’s done through her journey through grief on the loss of her father. Grief is universal and we all will experience it eventually in our lives- this book beautifully illustrates the many different cultural aspects and stories that have aided our ancestors. Definitely a recommendation!
April 20, 2023
Summary:
Hollie Starling is hit by the heart-stopping news that her father has died by suicide. This memoir tells how Hollie gets through the next year, processing and trying to understand grief. The memoir is interwoven with folk tales and stories of how different cultures come to terms with death through ritual, ceremony and story telling.
Review:
5⭐️
This is a beautifully written book which really brings to life the heartbreak and complexity of grieving a parent.
It is an unflinching honest account of the relationships between a daughter and father which evolves from the hero worship of a younger child through to the developing understanding of a parent being a flawed individual who has capacity to cause pain to those around him. But the overwhelming feeling is one of love - you really get the sense of the authors love for her father and the real loss now he is gone.
The folk stories and tales from different cultures are beautiful and woven in with the memories in such a clever way that it really adds to the reading experience.
The issues of mental health and suicide are dealt with in an open and transparent and sensitive way highlighting the impact not only for the individual but for all those who love them.
As a member of the ‘dead parent community’ this had a powerful impact on me. I felt seen and no longer alone. Thank you
Trigger warnings: death by suicide, parental death, mental health
Hollie Starling is hit by the heart-stopping news that her father has died by suicide. This memoir tells how Hollie gets through the next year, processing and trying to understand grief. The memoir is interwoven with folk tales and stories of how different cultures come to terms with death through ritual, ceremony and story telling.
Review:
5⭐️
This is a beautifully written book which really brings to life the heartbreak and complexity of grieving a parent.
It is an unflinching honest account of the relationships between a daughter and father which evolves from the hero worship of a younger child through to the developing understanding of a parent being a flawed individual who has capacity to cause pain to those around him. But the overwhelming feeling is one of love - you really get the sense of the authors love for her father and the real loss now he is gone.
The folk stories and tales from different cultures are beautiful and woven in with the memories in such a clever way that it really adds to the reading experience.
The issues of mental health and suicide are dealt with in an open and transparent and sensitive way highlighting the impact not only for the individual but for all those who love them.
As a member of the ‘dead parent community’ this had a powerful impact on me. I felt seen and no longer alone. Thank you
Trigger warnings: death by suicide, parental death, mental health
September 24, 2024
The Bleeding Tree by Holly Starling
After a deep dive into this book, I’ve emerged a changed person. Holly is a skilled writer. This is a book about a journey of healing through the story, healing though understanding, healing through discovery which naturally includes self-discovery. She has a way of being keenly insightful and wise beyond her years.
When her father committed suicide during the pandemic in 2020, Holly went through pain, grief and turmoil. In order for her to understand and make sense of her pain and heal from this traumatic loss, she went on a journey to understand through myths, legends, traditions from all over the world. It is an enlightening and fascinating journey and I learned so much.
Here is a list of quotes that I found meaningful or helpful.
“I resisted the unforgivable megalomania of believing mine was the worst possible incarnation of 2020 (no one had a good one except maybe Jeff Bezos and nasal swab fetishists), I certainly cared very little to be reminded of it. It was specifically the small things that turned me into a hissing goblin. I couldn't understand why someone was telling me about their boyfriend's rotator cuff injury or complaining about the surge pricing on their Cornwall holiday cottage, or how to make my face sit while they did.”
“I set everyone the most impossible of tasks. To intuit my state of mind when that facility wasn't even available to me.
There is a seductiveness to 'No one understands me.'”
“But do meet them halfway. Just because you have suffered a life-altering bereavement it does not mean that life has stopped for anyone else. Other people will have successes and failures, rough days and high points, lives that continue, and you cannot just dismiss all this as beneath your threshold for attention. There is a modern aphorism that says, 'It's okay not to be okay,' but it's not okay to be a bad friend.”
“That I didn't understand him at all, couldn't ever understand, because he'd left the conversation while I was still talking, the cycle incomplete, and looking back through ancestral rituals and folk tales that attempt to parse the black beyond was all well and good but it could only ever give me the sweeping universal, not the excruciatingly specific information that I craved. Nor could the slippers in the hall, the scribbles in a diary, the note the police haven't yet returned. The stupid plodding song of a dumb stupid DUMB old hippie? Touchpaper. I had no way of ever knowing what it meant.”
“‘Coping' may be a modern invention, developed alongside the rise of individualism encouraged by a capital-centred labour model, but prior to this different virtues existed: stoicism, forbearance, faith. Somewhere in the last half century we forgot that verbalising pain is not the only option.
So, I decided, I would shut up and try the alternatives.”
“Nature is humankind's most enduring fable. Embracing nature was central to the Romantic movement that swept across Europe partly in response to the rationalism of the Enlighten-ment. Levinovitz points to the power of metaphors that figure nature as indispensable for our understanding of reality, and such metaphors are threaded through the fabric of a culture, a theory formalised by what later became known as cognitive linguistics. Nature is not a static object but a story itself.”
“Storytelling is a universal restorer. When Cicero lost his beloved daughter Tullia from complications following childbirth the Roman statesman and orator was plunged into deep depression from which his only consolation was in the 'heal-ing arts' of reading and writing, his now-lost Consolatio.
Stories are used to permit and contextualise grief, as in this Brothers Grimm retelling of a folk story that had existed in Germany since at least the thirteenth century.” (pp. 207)
“In the UK we'd like to imagine that things have changed since Bedlam. Most people recognise that words like 'crazy' or
'insane are no longer appropriate. If asked, the majority of people would agree that sufferers of mental illness should be treated with compassion. But have we congratulated ourselves on becoming enlightened simply by getting the language right? Despite mental health awareness ballooning in the last decade it is much overlooked how different conditions are discussed in the public sphere.” (pp. 261)
“'Self-improvement' is an expression of our ancient impulse to know ourselves and has a long history, extending, back to the wisdom traditions of Marcus Aurelius treatise on suffering to the teachings of Laozi, founder of Taoism, on accepting the will of the universe. ‘Wellness', however, is a relatively recent concept. In Natural Causes Barbara Ehrenreich interprets wellness as the fantasy that with some concentration we can 'cheat' illness. And because wellness usually depends on nutrition, access to nature and being time-rich enough for mindful recuperation, we have invented for ourselves another social division. We had to invent 'wellness' so we don't have to talk about class.
Self-care concepts are politically expedient to avoid confronting that despair is disproportionately experienced by those living under adverse material conditions. Individualising healthcare tells us access to the medical system is for the truly deserving, not for those suffering a failure of willpower and resilience. Our bodies aren't made to work forever, so when we strive to overwork and to optimise ourselves, who or what are we doing it for?
I fell for it! The entire year I had persevered with the idea that with enough focus and forest breathing I could cure my grief and my death anxiety. That is about as ridiculous, and offensive, I now realise, as my concept of 'bad blood',” (pp.291)
After a deep dive into this book, I’ve emerged a changed person. Holly is a skilled writer. This is a book about a journey of healing through the story, healing though understanding, healing through discovery which naturally includes self-discovery. She has a way of being keenly insightful and wise beyond her years.
When her father committed suicide during the pandemic in 2020, Holly went through pain, grief and turmoil. In order for her to understand and make sense of her pain and heal from this traumatic loss, she went on a journey to understand through myths, legends, traditions from all over the world. It is an enlightening and fascinating journey and I learned so much.
Here is a list of quotes that I found meaningful or helpful.
“I resisted the unforgivable megalomania of believing mine was the worst possible incarnation of 2020 (no one had a good one except maybe Jeff Bezos and nasal swab fetishists), I certainly cared very little to be reminded of it. It was specifically the small things that turned me into a hissing goblin. I couldn't understand why someone was telling me about their boyfriend's rotator cuff injury or complaining about the surge pricing on their Cornwall holiday cottage, or how to make my face sit while they did.”
“I set everyone the most impossible of tasks. To intuit my state of mind when that facility wasn't even available to me.
There is a seductiveness to 'No one understands me.'”
“But do meet them halfway. Just because you have suffered a life-altering bereavement it does not mean that life has stopped for anyone else. Other people will have successes and failures, rough days and high points, lives that continue, and you cannot just dismiss all this as beneath your threshold for attention. There is a modern aphorism that says, 'It's okay not to be okay,' but it's not okay to be a bad friend.”
“That I didn't understand him at all, couldn't ever understand, because he'd left the conversation while I was still talking, the cycle incomplete, and looking back through ancestral rituals and folk tales that attempt to parse the black beyond was all well and good but it could only ever give me the sweeping universal, not the excruciatingly specific information that I craved. Nor could the slippers in the hall, the scribbles in a diary, the note the police haven't yet returned. The stupid plodding song of a dumb stupid DUMB old hippie? Touchpaper. I had no way of ever knowing what it meant.”
“‘Coping' may be a modern invention, developed alongside the rise of individualism encouraged by a capital-centred labour model, but prior to this different virtues existed: stoicism, forbearance, faith. Somewhere in the last half century we forgot that verbalising pain is not the only option.
So, I decided, I would shut up and try the alternatives.”
“Nature is humankind's most enduring fable. Embracing nature was central to the Romantic movement that swept across Europe partly in response to the rationalism of the Enlighten-ment. Levinovitz points to the power of metaphors that figure nature as indispensable for our understanding of reality, and such metaphors are threaded through the fabric of a culture, a theory formalised by what later became known as cognitive linguistics. Nature is not a static object but a story itself.”
“Storytelling is a universal restorer. When Cicero lost his beloved daughter Tullia from complications following childbirth the Roman statesman and orator was plunged into deep depression from which his only consolation was in the 'heal-ing arts' of reading and writing, his now-lost Consolatio.
Stories are used to permit and contextualise grief, as in this Brothers Grimm retelling of a folk story that had existed in Germany since at least the thirteenth century.” (pp. 207)
“In the UK we'd like to imagine that things have changed since Bedlam. Most people recognise that words like 'crazy' or
'insane are no longer appropriate. If asked, the majority of people would agree that sufferers of mental illness should be treated with compassion. But have we congratulated ourselves on becoming enlightened simply by getting the language right? Despite mental health awareness ballooning in the last decade it is much overlooked how different conditions are discussed in the public sphere.” (pp. 261)
“'Self-improvement' is an expression of our ancient impulse to know ourselves and has a long history, extending, back to the wisdom traditions of Marcus Aurelius treatise on suffering to the teachings of Laozi, founder of Taoism, on accepting the will of the universe. ‘Wellness', however, is a relatively recent concept. In Natural Causes Barbara Ehrenreich interprets wellness as the fantasy that with some concentration we can 'cheat' illness. And because wellness usually depends on nutrition, access to nature and being time-rich enough for mindful recuperation, we have invented for ourselves another social division. We had to invent 'wellness' so we don't have to talk about class.
Self-care concepts are politically expedient to avoid confronting that despair is disproportionately experienced by those living under adverse material conditions. Individualising healthcare tells us access to the medical system is for the truly deserving, not for those suffering a failure of willpower and resilience. Our bodies aren't made to work forever, so when we strive to overwork and to optimise ourselves, who or what are we doing it for?
I fell for it! The entire year I had persevered with the idea that with enough focus and forest breathing I could cure my grief and my death anxiety. That is about as ridiculous, and offensive, I now realise, as my concept of 'bad blood',” (pp.291)
May 14, 2023
I really enjoyed this interesting perspective on grief and healing. I found it compelling and well written.
I would definitely recommend this book.
Many thanks to the author, publisher and NetGalley for gifting me this arc in exchange for an honest, unbiased review.
I would definitely recommend this book.
Many thanks to the author, publisher and NetGalley for gifting me this arc in exchange for an honest, unbiased review.
did-not-finish
November 20, 2024Abandoning this at 60 pages, mostly because I had expected something different after reading the title and the description. I also found the writing too elaborate, to the point where I often had to re-read whole sentences several times (And mind you, I have read Umberto Eco in English!). Not for me, but I do feel kinda sad about it.
April 14, 2025
A book that, in one half, manages to capture a magnitude of rich and varied death rituals from across the ages with tender reverence, and ,in the other, seems to speak directly to my grief experiences in a way that is comforting, heartbreaking and oddly giddying (the latter I think can be attributed to the feeling that someone else not only gets how I feel, but has captured it in permanence through her written words)
I’ll be pulling passages from this book for a long time - some to share with my loved ones, others just for me.
I’ll be pulling passages from this book for a long time - some to share with my loved ones, others just for me.
April 21, 2023
A heartfelt tribute to both the ancient and modern traditions of mourning and grief. Although dealing with a very heavy subject matter this book is incredibly compelling, revealing and uplifting. As a society in general there is still a lot of mystery and taboo surrounding death, and sadly of suicide, in The Bleeding Tree the author offers bravely their own experience of such tragedy bound by folklore and traditions across the globe, presenting an honest and beautiful but raw account of both life and death.
January 12, 2025
“I saw then how ritual is a periscope that allows us to reach through time to touch the faces of our ancestors, to invoke commonality in thought, to feel their breath on our necks.” The Bleeding Tree: A Pathway Through Grief Guided by Forests, Folk Tales, and the Ritual Year, Hollie Starling’s debut book, is a thoughtful, layered reflection on loss and the natural world. Written after her father’s suicide in 2020, when Starling found herself turning to her interest in folklore to help her come to terms with her sudden and traumatic loss, it moves through a year of her life and a year in the worlds of nature and ritual, through such topics as funerary feasting, family trees, body disposal (“A beautiful corpse is not enough for some.”), tree lore, tides, ghosts, the storyteller’s medicine, midsummer’s madness and more. Starling weaves together such a wide range of references, from the myths and tales of lore to other literature, through psychology, pop culture and more. There’s a Simpsons reference not even fifty pages in; Joan Didion appears in the same paragraph as Titanic later on; between them, an account of simultaneously listening to Lana Del Rey’s Chemtrails while reading The Body Keeps the Score, a relatable image. Shards of warmth and humour cut through dark subject matter, yet Starling only writes with sensitivity: “Grief after a bereavement is metastatic. It can start off in the realm of the physical and cognitive, then radiate out to the social and behavioural, and further circle the spiritual and philosophical, with the potential to warp every element of identity and test every tether to the world.” Thanks for the copy, Hollie, it’s gorgeous — and huge congrats on publication day today!
November 28, 2024
A beautiful amalgamation between folklore, psychology and memoir. I took my time with this to savour Hollie's writing style which is honest, vulnerable and sometimes poetic too. Beautifully balanced as she weaves memories of her dad with processing her grief and discussing global folklore associated with death, burials and our rituals to grieve the dead.
Fantastic writer.
And this book is special for me too. I lost a father figure to a stroke and also mother figure to suicide this year. There are not many books that specialise on this kind of grief, often berevement books focus on losing a spouse in older age. This book was very validating to my own grief journey.
Fantastic writer.
And this book is special for me too. I lost a father figure to a stroke and also mother figure to suicide this year. There are not many books that specialise on this kind of grief, often berevement books focus on losing a spouse in older age. This book was very validating to my own grief journey.
February 28, 2025
This book is a heavy one. I had been reading it on and off for a long time because of the sheer amount of sorrow immersed within the text, but also because it offers something truly unique that needs to be properly digested.
It is a stunning exploration of grief and the way different cultures approach it. Starling has a profound knack to let the story slowly unfold, and then ends it with a single gut-punching sentence that strikes the reader right through the heart.
"The Bleeding Tree" turned out to be a gorgeous book, and I don't doubt I'll get back to it again one day when I'll need it most.
It is a stunning exploration of grief and the way different cultures approach it. Starling has a profound knack to let the story slowly unfold, and then ends it with a single gut-punching sentence that strikes the reader right through the heart.
"The Bleeding Tree" turned out to be a gorgeous book, and I don't doubt I'll get back to it again one day when I'll need it most.
May 12, 2023
Whilst not entirely what I expected, it was a really unique and beautiful read.
I guess that I am fortunate enough that I have managed to evade grief for my life but I can see the benefits of looking through different mediums and understanding different ways of approaching the subject.
Hollys style of writing is lovely and made this intriguing work easy to read even though for me it was not 100% relatable.
I will be purchasing the hardback version of this book as the artwork is lovely.
I guess that I am fortunate enough that I have managed to evade grief for my life but I can see the benefits of looking through different mediums and understanding different ways of approaching the subject.
Hollys style of writing is lovely and made this intriguing work easy to read even though for me it was not 100% relatable.
I will be purchasing the hardback version of this book as the artwork is lovely.
Read
July 15, 2023Well I will make no bones about it, I am not rating this book – to do so would definitely be to rate the author as well, and that I refuse to do. This was certainly not what I normally read, but in the shade of the stories, folklore and so on I was promised, I actually found a Mary Roach-styled, highly readable look at what some might call the semiotics of death and suicide. Readable, morbid, probably very triggering, but with just enough global reportage of deathly ideas and practices that it can be recommended to the right reader. But forget the star rating.
May 26, 2024
Warmly recommend the Bleeding Tree. I found it gripping & compelling.
I would read it again at a later date. Hollie Starling carefully & thoroughly researched this account of death and bereavement fully integrated into her own narrative. Although it is a good anthropological study of the rituals associated with death and folk-lore, Hollie came to life in the pages.
Death and loss makes ripples throughout families, society & communities.
The icon of a tree percolates through this book which I have recommended & will continue to do so.
I would read it again at a later date. Hollie Starling carefully & thoroughly researched this account of death and bereavement fully integrated into her own narrative. Although it is a good anthropological study of the rituals associated with death and folk-lore, Hollie came to life in the pages.
Death and loss makes ripples throughout families, society & communities.
The icon of a tree percolates through this book which I have recommended & will continue to do so.
January 11, 2025
‘[…] but from time to time a 16lb bowling ball materialises from the great beyond and is hoofed into my lower abdomen at such force I have to stop all motion instantly if I’m to remain upright. I’ll be at the tills in Superdrug and have to wait for it to pass: the sickening vertigo of having nothing now between me and oblivion.’
I don’t know how to describe this book. Extremely personal and yet incredibly universal; this is Hollie Starling’s attempt to cope with her father’s suicide. It’s painful. It’s beautiful.
I don’t know how to describe this book. Extremely personal and yet incredibly universal; this is Hollie Starling’s attempt to cope with her father’s suicide. It’s painful. It’s beautiful.
November 24, 2023
Dealing with the death of her father, Hollie Starling explores the worlds views on death and grieve while travelling down her own path with it.
The Bleeding Tree is a moving novel about death and coming to terms with it in our own ways and the way we all heal in our own ways. While on her journey, Hollie looks in to the different cultures from around the world, searching in to the ancestors and history which surround their death and how they dealt with it.
The Bleeding Tree is a moving novel about death and coming to terms with it in our own ways and the way we all heal in our own ways. While on her journey, Hollie looks in to the different cultures from around the world, searching in to the ancestors and history which surround their death and how they dealt with it.
May 26, 2024
An authentic account of grief and bereavement.
Thoroughly researched & well put together.
Gripping, compelling.
This document about the rituals & folk tales related to death loss, & bereavement is fully integrated into Hollie Starling’s own experience of losing her Father. Extremely sad & moving. An authentic account.
I recommend it to any bereavement supporter & those people who have been bereaved.
Thoroughly researched & well put together.
Gripping, compelling.
This document about the rituals & folk tales related to death loss, & bereavement is fully integrated into Hollie Starling’s own experience of losing her Father. Extremely sad & moving. An authentic account.
I recommend it to any bereavement supporter & those people who have been bereaved.
April 20, 2023
A book about grief, how to overcome it and how nature can help to heal.
A mix of diary and worldwide tradition, well written and moving.
Highly recommended.
Many thanks to the publisher for this arc, all opinions are mine
A mix of diary and worldwide tradition, well written and moving.
Highly recommended.
Many thanks to the publisher for this arc, all opinions are mine
September 23, 2023
Great book. Very honestly written and makes beautiful connections between human grief and the processes of the natural world and ancient pagan ritual.
June 25, 2024
“I’ll only ever be crying about that one thing forever”
“Grief after a bereavement is metastatic”
a really insightful look into grief and the ways that it impacts every single part of your life. i really liked the ways that grief in different environments were tackled too.
“Grief after a bereavement is metastatic”
a really insightful look into grief and the ways that it impacts every single part of your life. i really liked the ways that grief in different environments were tackled too.
Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews