Don't Forget to Scream: Unspoken Truths About Motherhood

by Marianne Levy

Until I had my first child, and this is to my shame, I had little understanding of just how much mothers are hidden, their stories unspoken, even as they cross the street in plain sight.

Like grief or falling in love, becoming a mother is an experience both ordinary and transformative. You are prepared for the sleeplessness and wonder, the noise and the chaos, the pram in the hall. But the extent to which this new life can turn your inner world upside-down - nothing prepares you for that.

In this frank, funny and fearless memoir, Marianne Levy writes with heart-wrenching honesty about love and loss, rage and pain, fear and joy. She breaks the silence around the emotional turmoil that having a child can unleash and asks why motherhood is at once so venerated and so undervalued.

This is the real story of being a parent in the modern world. It is a book that mothers will be glad to have read - and that everyone else should read, too.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Feminism

227 pages, Kindle Edition

First published July 21, 2022

Reviews

[Dani Sitnik · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the first narrative I have ever read that almost perfectly captured in its first few chapters the duality of my own experience of early motherhood - a duality that until now I've never heard anyone else describe with the same rawness and intensity that I experienced it as having.

An indescribable, overwhelming sense of love and commitment - a sense of the meaning of life, taking my own heart out of my body and watching it run around. The part of motherhood we are 'meant' to feel. But in this book, finally, someone who also speaks with honesty about the other side, the side that (at least for me in the first 12 months of my oldest daughters life) was initially so much a part of my experience: Feeling trapped and terrified by the relentless, inescapable responsibility. Utter exhaustion. Gnawing anxiety that I was doing everything wrong, and that a 'proper mother' would know how to get it right. Loneliness and 'apartness' even when I was surrounded by other people. Endless baby crying I was powerless to change, and then the guilt when we finally sleep trained. And overarching everything, the utter loss of my old identity as I went through the process of forging a new one: Mummy.

The more we share stories like this, the easier they become to share - and so, the easier they become to carry. I'm glad this story is out in the world.

[Diana · Rating 5 out of 5]

In an interview with The Guardian, Levy hopes her book will be read not just by mothers, but by men and single people. This is my hope now too. We need to talk more about motherhood - but not only the glossy bits but the pain, the fear, the discomfort, the mourning, the uncertainty. Levy does this all.

[Molly · Rating 2 out of 5]

I've read a few essay collections about motherhood recently, and a trend I'm noticing is that in the attempt to break the taboo against acknowledging the hard parts of pregnancy and motherhood, some of these writers are leaning REALLY hard into the physical and emotional hardships, recounting traumas lived, heard about, or even just imagined based on possibilities. (We're all aware of the possible tragic outcomes; personally I don't find it that helpful to dwell on and magnify them.) Just about every essay in this book marinates in the hardest parts of motherhood, to the extent that it feels like the author is choosing to see things in the worst possible light. Maybe this is a book some women need or want to read, and maybe I'll think myself naive in just a few months, but at this stage it's very much not the book for me.

[Odette Brethouwer · Rating 2 out of 5]

Een aantal mooie hoofdstukken, zoals over mom guilt. Maar over het algemeen voelde dit boek aan als een ongestructureerde rant. Hoewel het goed is dat de minder mooie kanten van het moederschap besproken worden, had het geheel van mij verfijnder afgewerkt en/of uitgewerkt mogen worden.

[Heidi Drake · Rating 5 out of 5]

What can I say? I have never read anything so honest about motherhood and when we were trying for a baby I read everything I could find! Not always a comfortable read as a result but the truth often isn’t. It’s all handled with Marianne Levy’s wonderful way of combining light hearted humour with brutal honesty. I genuinely laughed and cried my way through this book. Sometimes at the same time.
Vital and necessary.

[Tina Retchless · Rating 3 out of 5]

The raw honesty of this sucked me in at the beginning but I did hit a speed bump of a section that made me super uncomfortable. Unfortunately I struggled to get back into this book after that until almost the very end. I’m not usually one for trigger warnings but honestly think this book may have needed one in a couple of places. Overall a good read for anyone searching for a book that will give a completely unfiltered experience of motherhood.

[Emer Tannam · Rating 5 out of 5]

There are books that you love because they’re very entertaining, or clever, and ones that you love because, as well as being entertaining and clever, make you think “yes, YES, EXACTLY!” This book was one of them for me. Given that it’s a series of essays on the same theme, it worked especially well for me because I was alternating it with another book.
But I strongly recommend it.

[RocioST · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read this book for my personal 52 book challenge 2023 under the category “On parenting/motherhood”

I feel bad giving this book such a bad review as I know a lot of people have felt very seen by it. To me, it felt like a 300 page angry rant, unstructured and directionless.. maybe like it sometimes might feel to be a mom if that was the point?

To me, it was anxiety provoking but didn’t stimulate any further reflections or ideas- only stress.

[Harriet Dalton · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked how good this was at putting into words the duality and tension of motherhood.

[Dave · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fiercely honest, laugh-out-loud funny at times, devastatingly poignant at others. Tells the truth of what goes on behind the stage curtain of motherhood; the mess, the tears, the laughter, the despair, the loneliness, the joy. An essential read.

[Ieva Lākute · Rating 3 out of 5]

Having recently become a mum (still doesn't feel real to say it!) I seem to be devouring books on motherhood.

I did relate to some chapters in this book, I applaud the honest and raw exploration of the authors world and I found some chapters painfully true (particularly "Some Discomfort") but there were also lots of aspects that didn't resonate with me.

For example, why can't you still talk about politics when you have kids? Why the constant desire to "give your all to the kids" instead of enforcing healthy boundaries? Why the feelings of guilt over every small thing, i.e. not being at eye level with kids when talking to them?

Also agree with some of the other reviews that the book could have done with a trigger warning. While of course it's important to acknowledge that miscarriage and other horrible and sad things happen around pregnancy and childbirth, it took me a while to shake some of the images in the book, especially the "Health and Safety" chapter.

[Alexandra Sara · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’ve read this book 6 months after having my second child and found myself oscillating between nodding vehemently in agreement and almost physically recoiling from my kindle because I wanted to distance myself from her words. There are so many dualities in motherhood and sometimes these contrasts are uncomfortable, painful, almost unbearable. I felt like sometimes the writing was so brave and ‘truthful’ that it felt like looking directly at the sun. I don’t know if my reaction is a form of self-preservation, possibly it is, but I found that the deeper and more complex some of the arguments got, the more I resisted scrutinising it.
Whilst I can’t say I enjoyed the book, there were some genuinely funny, laugh out moments that punctured very insightful observations.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

I bought this after seeing a YouTuber recommend it, and I'll be honest, I was expecting a bit more from this than what I got. It felt too angry, a bit too bitter, a bit too negative for me. I get a lot of what the author was trying to say, but I don't feel all the things she does, or did, so it didn't quite resonate with me.

I do like that she brings up that feeling that you've lost who you used to be (because you do) and how you want to talk about what you've been through after (but can't because all you get is 'it's worth it').

Not a bad book, but not one I'd necessarily recommend or read again.

[Sonia · Rating 2 out of 5]

I think this just wasn’t what I was looking for. This is a collection of short essays. It is apparent this is a stream of consciousness kind of vibe, no structure, and no “message”. Some need / want that and that is totally valuable. However for me, I was craving something more “real”, raw, intense. This just felt a little like rambling to a friend about your day. I wanted a peek into the postpartum and motherhood psyche, to dive deep into the realities of this enormous involuntary shift. I will stick to my fiction books until I can find a non-fiction that goes here (I.e. Nightbitch, Days of Abandonment, etc).

[Niamh · Rating 5 out of 5]

Unfortunately this took me so much longer to get through than I wanted to because life got in the way and I got in a rut, however, still an absolute 5* read any new mother (or even not new) should read this book, it’s such a real, honest, relatable memoir of motherhood. The ending got me so choked up, I lived through every word she put on the page and it made me feel so much more sane as a mother.

[Marianthy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve been listening to this audiobook while doing household chores and it so chimed with my own experiences. Marianne is relating what she lived through and what she thought honestly, adding information and data obtained later on in an effort to explain why things rankled and how she could have done it differently if she knew what she learned later. Hard-hitting at times, it was nevertheless an amazing book. Glad I got to listen to the author narrating too!

[Aude · Rating 5 out of 5]

So many pages reflected exactly what I'm going through as a new mother... she manages to put into words what some of us may not even allow ourselves to think. It's a brilliant read and written with sensitivity and wit!

[Susan Horton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Perfectf

She could have been inside my head, made me laugh and cry and think a lot about my own, very similar experiences. A beautiful and meaningful book about what its truly like to become a mum. I'm so glad I read this book.

[Vikki · Rating 4 out of 5]

A mother’s memoir on reaching breaking point after the birth of her second child and feeling the need to let other mothers know how she really felt about having children. I loved this, it was raw and emotional, but honest and caring. A good balance.

4.5 stars

[Michael Sullivan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Scarier than any horror film. Read it twice. Extremely honest about motherhood.

[Hoenan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Powerful

[Tamar · Rating 4 out of 5]

A bit depressing but a lot of truths.

[Tasha · Rating 4 out of 5]

Review to come

[Reka · Rating 3 out of 5]

Easy to read while nap trapped . couldn’t relate to the desperate need for the “me” space, but other parts were relatable and sweet. my fave chapter was “perfect “.

[Johanna Elsener · Rating 5 out of 5]

The book any postpartum mother should read. The language she provided and the feelings she normalised are great.

[Daniella · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was intense. I appreciate the honesty, but also, maybe there's being *too* honest...?

[Clo Bo · Rating 5 out of 5]

The most relatable book I’ve read on motherhood. Beautifully written too.

[Eddy Ireland · Rating 2 out of 5]

I find it interesting that the authors writing has been deemed controversial, and yet the majority of this book is actually a celebration of motherhood - I hoping for deeper, darker, emotional words on motherhood but there was far too much of the mum talk she pretends to not enjoy.

[Danni (_forbookssake) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Parenthood (particularly motherhood) can be a very lonely place, and sometimes it does feel like you just need to scream it out, but Don’t Forget To Scream made me feel more seen than I have in a very long time. It was almost like looking in a mirror.

Each chapter of the book is a different story relating to motherhood, and brings to light every single emotion and feeling that you will probably have along the journey. It’s like a rollercoaster, there’s ups and downs, and twists and turns, and sometimes even full 360s. It’s also very easy to get lost within it. Being a mother is the best thing in the world, and I wouldn’t change a thing, but it’s also incredibly hard.

Every negative feeling that you have as a parent is hard to express, mainly because you’re worried about what people will think if you say them out loud, and also because you always feel a little guilty for even having the feelings. However, this book makes you see that you’re most certainly not alone, that those feelings are valid, okay to have, and actually completely normal, and that they certainly don’t make you a bad person or a bad parent.

This is the book I never knew I needed in my life. I’m incredibly grateful to the author for bringing this book into the world. I highly recommend this to every parent (especially mothers), whether you’ve been a parent for a long time, a new parent, or a soon to be parent.

[Cassandra Grandahl · Rating 4 out of 5]

So good! An accurate account of what motherhood is like. And I love the fragmented and lovely writing style that perfectly captures what thoughts sound like while caring for a baby. The only thing was, the book should have a warning on the first page about miscarriage and still birth. Some of the imagery was shocking, even to me.