Understanding Independent School Parents: An NAIS Guide to Successful Family-School Relationships

by Michael G. Thompson

This 58-page book uses real-life situations to offer practical advice on creating positive alliances with parents. It aims to help teachers and administrators:

Understand family differences;

Forge healthy relationships with families;

Make the most of parent conferences;

Manage the difficult "five percenter" parents; and

Create supportive school environments

Genres: Education, Nonfiction, Teaching, Professional Development

58 pages

First published January 1, 2005

About the author

Librarian Note: There is more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name.

psychologist, school consultant and international speaker on the subjects of children, schools and parenting

Reviews

[Kathy · Rating 5 out of 5]

There are a number of books and articles about unengaged parents, bemoaning that there is apathy in the general public about education. "Understanding Independent School Parents" is not that kind of book. Instead, it is a How To for teachers who must work with the most demanding and often difficult and unrealistic parents.

According to the National Association of Independent Schools, the typical independent day school student is from a family in the top 10% of U.S. incomes. Parents tend to be well-educated, have high expectations of their children and their schools, and are, "on average, pretty anxious." I can attest that this description is pretty spot-on.

So what does a teacher do with those hardest-to-please parents? One piece of advice is to keep those difficult people in perspective. Rational parents, those who have a "working alliance" with teachers are the "95 Percenters." The ones who cannot trust the school or its teachers are called the "Five Percenters." In my experience, anyone who reads this book readily remembers this rubric, and it is helpful.

Thompson outlines three types of Five Percenters and he and his co-author, an experienced independent school teacher, have solid and practical advice for each type. I have started using the suggested language and the advice and have seen an immediate benefit.

Upon completion of this slim book I read it over again, this time taking notes. I cannot recommend this one highly enough for that small segment of U.S. teachers in independent schools.

[John · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must-read for both teachers and administrators working in private school settings, this deceptively slim volume is jam-packed with invaluable information. Speaking as an administrator who is new to the educational sector, this book has helped to equip me for supporting our teachers and for understanding the so-called 5% of parents who create 90% of the challenges. Although this would be an especially useful read for new teachers, even veterans could probably glean a fair amount of useful information from it and, at the very least, feel validated by hearing their own observations and conclusions reiterated by experts in their field. Parents would also benefit from reading this, although it is likely that one in twenty might find it offensive.

Structured in the form of two extended essays, one by each author, each half of the book is divided into four short chapters, all of which are directly related to one another. Dr. Thompson writes the first half from the perspective of a psychologist, while Dr. Mazzola writes from the perspective of a teacher on the front lines. Their accounts reinforce one another without repeating much information. My only quibble -- and it is a very minor one -- is that the book could use some editing and, especially, some proofreading. Apart from that, this is a big winner, and should be required reading for anyone on staff at any private school.

[GM Vaughan · Rating 2 out of 5]

Thompson and Mazzola's book gives some useful tips, especially by identifying types of private school parents and how to deal with them; however, as a high school teacher, most of the examples deal with elementary related school issues. Other ideas suggested would be good advice for new teachers, but for veteran teachers they are mostly common sense.

[David Pulliam · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very short and helpful. I’m in conflict on whether to suggest it to first year teachers, the authors pull up the curtain on some nasty parent situations. I don’t think it would have been helpful fir my first year, having a supportive admin is more important.

To experienced teachers, I’ve taught 8 years and found some helpful tips and a good theory to use in my relationship with parents. It’s worth your time in the summer. Probably don’t start this during the school year.

[Jenny Larsen · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the most well-organized, helpful, and thoughtful books I have ever read on the topic of education. A must-read for private school teachers :)

[Suzanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great for anyone who works In Independent School. I read it a long time ago but it was a good refresher for me.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a must-read for anyone who works in an independent school. The authors explain - clearly, concisely and with many examples that will have you nodding your head in recognition - how to build bridges with parents so as to proactively head off conflicts, understand and empathize with parents' concerns, and best work with administrators to protect yourself and make sure the best interests of the child come first. The chapter on family structures and dynamics (your own and those of the families you work with) is particularly enlightening. Thompson and Mazzola also describe the best strategies for dealing with the vocal minority of very challenging parents.

[Kathleen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Simple, straight-forward, actionable advice for good communication with parents and families. I'm going to make some changes this year to accommodate Thompson's solid advice. And after reading, I'm hoping I have a fighting chance of not crying at my desk over the inevitable 5% of parents, the difficult ones that Thompson categorizes as "threatening-abusive," "anxious-incompetent," or "denying and unresponsive." This little book would have come in handy at any of the three public schools I worked in, as well.

[renata · Rating 2 out of 5]

While the content is engaging, poignant, and helpful, the editing is sloppy (many spelling, grammar and punctuation errors) and it reads like a blog. Additionally, Thompson makes many claims that are not cited or referenced.

[Roselle · Rating 3 out of 5]

The author is speaking from their experience as lower school teacher. As a middle school teacher, I still found a good number of useful tips. Many of the strategies mentioned are ones I already use; however, it was helpful to have an outline/checklist. Worth the quick read.

[Dewin Anguas Barnette · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very helpful, specific pointers!

[Kerri]

Every teacher should read this book!

[Pamala Hansford · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read for teachers in Independent schools AND state schools.

[Joshua · Rating 4 out of 5]

A simple but powerful book.