What do you think?
Rate this book
Bent on Men: A memoir on taboo feelings, fraternal curiosity, and faith
This taboo memoir eavesdrops into the unguarded mind of a Christian husband and father who came of age attracted to men. As a boy, Harrison Bly craved male affection and camaraderie but never found his footing in the world of boys. Secretly gay in a conservative Christian world, Harrison compromised authenticity only to find shallow acceptance. On the crooked path to manhood, Harrison fumbled in the dark between ideologies on faith and homosexuality that failed to acknowledge his deepest wounds and longings. But through unplanned and unlikely relationships, Harrison discovered the transforming power of male love that reframed his obsessions, cravings, and curiosities, challenging everything he had come to accept about his masculinity and sexuality.
This book is not a theological primer on homosexuality. Rather, this memoir is a story about what happens in the mind and body of a man who fought to find himself in the place he belonged.
This book is not a theological primer on homosexuality. Rather, this memoir is a story about what happens in the mind and body of a man who fought to find himself in the place he belonged.
231 pages, Paperback
Published October 11, 2021
11 people are currently reading
17 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews
August 9, 2023
This book is raw and real and vulnerable. His discourse on shame and self-loathing was so relatable. While some might be tempted to put him in the ex-gay category, he definitely doesn't follow the ex-gay prosperity gospel script and is honest about his on-going journey.
I've read a number of books on celibacy, and and as someone pursuing celibacy myself I find those helpful, but I also found this helpful as he pursued marriage to a women while wrestling with what that could look like for someone attracted to the same sex.
I will definitely be recommending this book to others who are gay/ssa , especially those considering a mixed orientation marriage. And because of the themes of male friendship , acceptance of one's self flaws, sexuality and all.
I've read a number of books on celibacy, and and as someone pursuing celibacy myself I find those helpful, but I also found this helpful as he pursued marriage to a women while wrestling with what that could look like for someone attracted to the same sex.
I will definitely be recommending this book to others who are gay/ssa , especially those considering a mixed orientation marriage. And because of the themes of male friendship , acceptance of one's self flaws, sexuality and all.
January 24, 2024
One man's quest to become one of the guys...
Reviewing Bent on Men is difficult. Harrison Bly wrote an impressively written, exceptionally vulnerable, self-published memoir about the most intimate details of his life and faith. On that level, the book is commendable for its candor and compelling in its chaos. I consider myself an open book, and even I don't think that I would have been able to pen some of the things written in this memoir knowing my parents are alive and literate. Harrison Bly communicates his own story clearly and poignantly, and for that I recommend it if you want to see a unique picture of a minority-within-a-minority's testimony.
However, as a book about the larger topics of sexuality and masculinity, I find the book impossible to recommend without heavy caveats, and incomplete in significant areas. Most importantly Harrison ties the majority of his same-sex attraction and subsequent difficulties engaging with men to his complicated relationship with masculinity. It's striking how the phrase "gender dysphoria" never once appears in this book, despite how accurately it seems to encapsulate the majority of Harrison's childhood thoughts about being a boy. This leads to statements and implications throughout the course of the book (from the intro to the final chapter) that, while clearly true for Harrison, are not at all generalizable to most queer people, or queer Christians. The claim that sexuality is fluid in the intro, for example, is true to some extent for some people. What isn't clarified is that it's not true for most people (men especially), and that even as our relationship to our sexuality changes over time research shows that most never experience a significant change in the primary gender they are attracted to, and implying otherwise is irresponsible at best.
Most of the book operates on this premise that minority sexuality is symptomatic of an unhealthy relationship to ones own gender and accompanying roles/relationships. However, this ignores both the fact that there are queer people who are extremely comfortable in their own bodies and genders (while still experiencing significant attraction to the same gender), as well as the fact that gender itself is a nebulous concept that defies consistent, objective typification. Harrison's progression from living in secrecy with significant gender dysphoria/same-sex attraction, to developing healthy male friendships, to experiencing natural attraction to a woman from that secure masculine base, to marriage, while far more complicated than the summary I just gave, is not transferrable. My relationship with my masculinity was never as troubled as he described and yet I'm still attracted to men. I have a wonderful relationship with my father and yet still find myself attracted to men. I have had close, intimate Christian brotherhood and yet still find myself desiring partnership with a man over a woman.
As a gay, theologically conservative Christian myself I was hoping to find more in this book that I could relate to. As it stands, I can recommend Harrison's story in isolation, but could not possibly recommend that Christians (especially straight Christians) generalize conclusions from Harrison's story on to any queer Christian who doesn't explicitly identify with the story themselves. Many people will (such as other reviewers on this website) and I recognize I am not one of them. Depending on who you are this book may be a 2/5 or a 5/5. As it stands for my rating, I'll put it in the middle.
Fair warning before reading as well that Harrison touches on incredibly sensitive subject matter, including abuse, suicide, explicit depictions of sexual situations, and usage of language up to and including slurs. This often enhances the emotion and rawness of what he is communicating, but it also felt gratuitous at points. The frequent usage of "f----t" and derivatives in particular felt increasingly tasteless and disrespectful as the book goes on and he identifies himself less with the larger queer community, regardless of the fact that it was all self-directed.
Reviewing Bent on Men is difficult. Harrison Bly wrote an impressively written, exceptionally vulnerable, self-published memoir about the most intimate details of his life and faith. On that level, the book is commendable for its candor and compelling in its chaos. I consider myself an open book, and even I don't think that I would have been able to pen some of the things written in this memoir knowing my parents are alive and literate. Harrison Bly communicates his own story clearly and poignantly, and for that I recommend it if you want to see a unique picture of a minority-within-a-minority's testimony.
However, as a book about the larger topics of sexuality and masculinity, I find the book impossible to recommend without heavy caveats, and incomplete in significant areas. Most importantly Harrison ties the majority of his same-sex attraction and subsequent difficulties engaging with men to his complicated relationship with masculinity. It's striking how the phrase "gender dysphoria" never once appears in this book, despite how accurately it seems to encapsulate the majority of Harrison's childhood thoughts about being a boy. This leads to statements and implications throughout the course of the book (from the intro to the final chapter) that, while clearly true for Harrison, are not at all generalizable to most queer people, or queer Christians. The claim that sexuality is fluid in the intro, for example, is true to some extent for some people. What isn't clarified is that it's not true for most people (men especially), and that even as our relationship to our sexuality changes over time research shows that most never experience a significant change in the primary gender they are attracted to, and implying otherwise is irresponsible at best.
Most of the book operates on this premise that minority sexuality is symptomatic of an unhealthy relationship to ones own gender and accompanying roles/relationships. However, this ignores both the fact that there are queer people who are extremely comfortable in their own bodies and genders (while still experiencing significant attraction to the same gender), as well as the fact that gender itself is a nebulous concept that defies consistent, objective typification. Harrison's progression from living in secrecy with significant gender dysphoria/same-sex attraction, to developing healthy male friendships, to experiencing natural attraction to a woman from that secure masculine base, to marriage, while far more complicated than the summary I just gave, is not transferrable. My relationship with my masculinity was never as troubled as he described and yet I'm still attracted to men. I have a wonderful relationship with my father and yet still find myself attracted to men. I have had close, intimate Christian brotherhood and yet still find myself desiring partnership with a man over a woman.
As a gay, theologically conservative Christian myself I was hoping to find more in this book that I could relate to. As it stands, I can recommend Harrison's story in isolation, but could not possibly recommend that Christians (especially straight Christians) generalize conclusions from Harrison's story on to any queer Christian who doesn't explicitly identify with the story themselves. Many people will (such as other reviewers on this website) and I recognize I am not one of them. Depending on who you are this book may be a 2/5 or a 5/5. As it stands for my rating, I'll put it in the middle.
Fair warning before reading as well that Harrison touches on incredibly sensitive subject matter, including abuse, suicide, explicit depictions of sexual situations, and usage of language up to and including slurs. This often enhances the emotion and rawness of what he is communicating, but it also felt gratuitous at points. The frequent usage of "f----t" and derivatives in particular felt increasingly tasteless and disrespectful as the book goes on and he identifies himself less with the larger queer community, regardless of the fact that it was all self-directed.
September 16, 2022
I bought a copy of Bent On Men after hearing the author speak, and feeling like he has a great deal of wisdom to offer. The book could be described as a collection of memories and moments from Harrison’s life that he shares with a humorous and warm candor. The thread that ties them all together? His journey from childhood through marriage as he untangles his sexuality and comes to terms with his masculinity, all in light of his relationship with and faith in Jesus. A powerful testimony of God’s faithfulness in what seem like the most minute details. Great read!
July 2, 2024
This is a raw and honest book about hope and fear, courage and faith. It's about masculinity and the deep desires of the soul. I could write much more, but I'll stop here. I recommend you read it for yourself if you're not afraid of sexuality, or maybe especially if you are.
December 6, 2023
I thought I was alone
I’m so many ways I saw myself as a man, husband and father for the first time in 35 years of marriage.
I’m so many ways I saw myself as a man, husband and father for the first time in 35 years of marriage.
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews