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The Holy F*cking Bible: According to Matt Shaw
The Holy Bible, according to Matt Shaw. Taking the popular stories from the Bible and giving them a horror twist; this book is not intended to be used as a way of preaching your beliefs. God would probably frown down upon such usage, but if you wanted to put your feet up and chuckle along with some dark humour then - God would surely approve. For fans of the original book, this isn't for you. You won't like this. Don't read it. Don't be mad at me for writing it though because, if you think about it, I am still getting the important stories out there. Kind of.
98 pages, Paperback
Published February 3, 2022
69 people are currently reading
189 people want to read
About the author
Matt Shaw
529 books2,194 followersBiography
MATT SHAW was born, quite by accident (his mother tripped, he shot out) September 30th 1980 in Winchester hospital where he was immediately placed on the baby ward and EBay. Some twelve years later (wandering the corridors of the hospital and playing with road kill when he was on day release), the listing closed and he remained unsold, he was booted out of the hospital to start his life as a writer and hobbit – beginning with writing screenplays and short stories for his own amusement before finally getting published when he was twenty-seven years and forty-five seconds old.
Once Published weekly in a lad's magazine with his photography work, Matt Shaw is also a published author and cartoonist. Has to be said, can be a bit of a flirt and definitely, without a shadow of a doubt, somewhat of a klutz.
Favourite books
"Roald Dahl's Collection of Short Stories"
Tim Burton's Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy
Anything, really, written by himself. Because he is that good.
MATT SHAW was born, quite by accident (his mother tripped, he shot out) September 30th 1980 in Winchester hospital where he was immediately placed on the baby ward and EBay. Some twelve years later (wandering the corridors of the hospital and playing with road kill when he was on day release), the listing closed and he remained unsold, he was booted out of the hospital to start his life as a writer and hobbit – beginning with writing screenplays and short stories for his own amusement before finally getting published when he was twenty-seven years and forty-five seconds old.
Once Published weekly in a lad's magazine with his photography work, Matt Shaw is also a published author and cartoonist. Has to be said, can be a bit of a flirt and definitely, without a shadow of a doubt, somewhat of a klutz.
Favourite books
"Roald Dahl's Collection of Short Stories"
Tim Burton's Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy
Anything, really, written by himself. Because he is that good.
Ratings & Reviews
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 36 reviews
June 26, 2022
Once again, my bloody review didn’t save!!
This was was so funny and had me giggling throughout. Mrs God was hilarious and needs a medal for putting up with God! My favourite was Sodom and Gomorrah, which was a little bit naughty but had me LOL 🤣 This won’t be for everyone and some people will label Matt Shaw as the devil for daring to go there, but I’m more of a believer in Mrs God’s story.....gotta love a bit of ‘Get it On’ by T. Rex 🦖 although I prefer Telegram Sam (if you know, you know!). This is so different to Matt’s other books, which I’m a big fan of, but I can guarantee that if the author thing gets boring, he could get a gig on the comedy circuit, for which I’d pay good money!! 🤣 A face aching, belly wobbling unholy 5 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
This was was so funny and had me giggling throughout. Mrs God was hilarious and needs a medal for putting up with God! My favourite was Sodom and Gomorrah, which was a little bit naughty but had me LOL 🤣 This won’t be for everyone and some people will label Matt Shaw as the devil for daring to go there, but I’m more of a believer in Mrs God’s story.....gotta love a bit of ‘Get it On’ by T. Rex 🦖 although I prefer Telegram Sam (if you know, you know!). This is so different to Matt’s other books, which I’m a big fan of, but I can guarantee that if the author thing gets boring, he could get a gig on the comedy circuit, for which I’d pay good money!! 🤣 A face aching, belly wobbling unholy 5 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
June 3, 2022
Is that a bible? 😆😆This is one of the funniest books I've read in a long time. I really like the Holy Fucking Bible better than the real one 😆😆. Seriously this is full of genius satire and my favorite parts were the "moral of the story"😆😆 fucking Bravo. I'm not going to give anything away but I will say I laughed throughout this hilariously blasphemous translation. Go get this it's short it's awesome it's fucking Matt Shaw nuff said. 5 stars from me I'm buying the paperback edition for my shelf for sure
June 4, 2022
Funny read
Lots of laughing moments. I didn't feel like it was meant to be offensive to those who are believers. If you haven't read anything by Matt Shaw, you're really missing out.
Lots of laughing moments. I didn't feel like it was meant to be offensive to those who are believers. If you haven't read anything by Matt Shaw, you're really missing out.
May 2, 2023
Seriously wish my parents would have just given me this instead of sending me to catholic school. 😂
June 8, 2022
This is a short funny one. It was not what I was expecting when I started this book, I was expecting a horror, not actually bothering to read the description that says it’s a dark comedy, but I was pleasantly surprised.
All hail the 11th commandment!
All hail the 11th commandment!
June 3, 2022
If this was around when I was growing up....
If this version of the bible was the one I grew up with, I would have enjoyed being dragged to church every Sunday! Unfortunately, it wasn't, so instead of being all religious and stuff, I became the foul mouthed heathen that my family and friends know and love...lol
Hysterical, sacreligious, and downright entertaining! I can't wait until Matt takes on the new testament! (hint, hint)
If this version of the bible was the one I grew up with, I would have enjoyed being dragged to church every Sunday! Unfortunately, it wasn't, so instead of being all religious and stuff, I became the foul mouthed heathen that my family and friends know and love...lol
Hysterical, sacreligious, and downright entertaining! I can't wait until Matt takes on the new testament! (hint, hint)
June 23, 2022
Hysterical ! All should read!
Whether or not you are a ' believer' or not you should read this. If you are offended by it, you are taking some stuff just way to seriously. Here's to working in mysterious ways.
Whether or not you are a ' believer' or not you should read this. If you are offended by it, you are taking some stuff just way to seriously. Here's to working in mysterious ways.
April 12, 2023
I feel like im going to hell now for reading this, but it's hilarious
June 22, 2022
Okay
It was just okay. Nothing particularly special, but I read the whole thing because it WAS entertaining. I'm ready to get back to classic Shaw.
It was just okay. Nothing particularly special, but I read the whole thing because it WAS entertaining. I'm ready to get back to classic Shaw.
June 15, 2022
Holy Mary Mother of Jesus and Three Bears on a Bicycle this shit was hilarious!! If this was how they taught the words of God when I was growing up and forced me to go to Sunday school, I would have been the first one in line.
"And God did see Mrs. God, properly, for the first time and promptly invented the carrier bag. “Just put this on thy head, my love.”
I had a friend of mine read this because she is all Christian and into the whole church cult shit. Even she said it was a funny read!! Matt Fucking Shaw killed it with this one. I vote for him to rewrite the whole damn bible. Moral of the story is.....Read this!! It is fucking hilarious!!
Happy Reading and Splatter On.....
"And God did see Mrs. God, properly, for the first time and promptly invented the carrier bag. “Just put this on thy head, my love.”
I had a friend of mine read this because she is all Christian and into the whole church cult shit. Even she said it was a funny read!! Matt Fucking Shaw killed it with this one. I vote for him to rewrite the whole damn bible. Moral of the story is.....Read this!! It is fucking hilarious!!
Happy Reading and Splatter On.....
June 7, 2022
A tongue in cheek look at some of the stories within the Bible with a smattering of today's world threaded through for comedic effect. The dynamic between God and Mrs God was amusing keeping things light. Not a book for Christians but highly recommend for any atheist or agnostic.
June 3, 2022
n lesser hands this could have been Written as more of an attack on Christians, in the vain of "look how silly these stories are." But Matt Shaw chose to go a different route. While the "hits" are retold in a tongue in cheek way, they never give the feeling of making fun of the stories but instead to make something new with the biblical bones. To me the feeling is, Matt Shaw in these pages is never trying to replace the Bible, or even dissuade faith, but rather tell some stories in the Bible Multiverse along the same lines as "Lamb" By Christopher Moore.
June 2, 2022
This is actually much more a satire of The Bible than anything, and definitely not "extreme horror".
Having said that, I loved it! It was released at midnight and I bought/read it immediately and laughed loud enough that my dad came down and told me to shut up, he was sleeping.
Having said that, I loved it! It was released at midnight and I bought/read it immediately and laughed loud enough that my dad came down and told me to shut up, he was sleeping.
March 13, 2025
Why did I give this book 2 stars? First of all, I am not a religiously sensitive person, so that is not the reason. I believe that there is nothing that should not be made fun of, and if someone is bothered by something like that, they should not read it or consume it in another way. The main reason for my rating is that I do not understand what the purpose of this book is. Why did the author write/rewrite/retell/paraphrase it, I do not know what the right term would be?
If he wanted to be controversial and provoke religious purists, I am not sure if he really succeeded, because in essence this is a few retold events from the Old Testament to which some kind of commentary has been added, mostly based on pop references, which are primarily supposed to be comical. They did not really hit my taste, but hey, that is just my taste, others may have fallen off their chairs laughing while reading. I will not go into the quality of the humor because it is impossible to objectively evaluate it.
If the author wanted to be controversial, he could have satirized some of the illogicalities that appear in the Bible and made a nice grotesque out of it (for example, he could have elaborated on the part with Cain killing Abel and then finding a wife - which wife? Where did she come from? If she is one of Adam and Eve's children, then she is Cain's cousin, and we are all the result of incest; he could have also perhaps dealt with the incident with Noah and the flood in which all living creatures that were not on the ark died - really? And the fish too? All aquatic animals and plants? Why?)
Instead, unfortunately, he dealt with general events that he recounted and tried to spice things up a bit, turning God into a neurotic who doesn't really know what he wants, and his wife isn't much better either.
So, what was the point of this book, I don't know, and that's exactly why I give it the rating I did.
If he wanted to be controversial and provoke religious purists, I am not sure if he really succeeded, because in essence this is a few retold events from the Old Testament to which some kind of commentary has been added, mostly based on pop references, which are primarily supposed to be comical. They did not really hit my taste, but hey, that is just my taste, others may have fallen off their chairs laughing while reading. I will not go into the quality of the humor because it is impossible to objectively evaluate it.
If the author wanted to be controversial, he could have satirized some of the illogicalities that appear in the Bible and made a nice grotesque out of it (for example, he could have elaborated on the part with Cain killing Abel and then finding a wife - which wife? Where did she come from? If she is one of Adam and Eve's children, then she is Cain's cousin, and we are all the result of incest; he could have also perhaps dealt with the incident with Noah and the flood in which all living creatures that were not on the ark died - really? And the fish too? All aquatic animals and plants? Why?)
Instead, unfortunately, he dealt with general events that he recounted and tried to spice things up a bit, turning God into a neurotic who doesn't really know what he wants, and his wife isn't much better either.
So, what was the point of this book, I don't know, and that's exactly why I give it the rating I did.
May 2, 2025
This is satire about the Bible, stories from the Bible and God himself. Whether you’ve read the Bible or not, are religious or not it doesn’t matter because this is a super short story with humor at the forefront more than anything else! I felt like I was laughing throughout pretty much the entire book!!! If you love books with humor, off the wall stories and just random shit you don’t think you’d ever read in a book about the Bible? Then this is definitely the book for you!!!
I will say, if you are religious and don’t like crass jokes, then I’d say you might want to stay away from this one. I’ve definitely read books with way worse content than this one. This was honestly mild to what I normally read, but I also don’t read anything about religion, however I was so damn curious about this book from the cover and the synopsis that I knew I needed to give this one a chance and I’m really glad I did! It’s not the best thing I’ve ever read but it was definitely hilarious and had some off the wall parts! I’ve been recommended Shaw’s books for a while now, so this was my first book I’ve ever read by him but it will not be my last!!
If you’re on the fence with this one just give it a try because it might surprise you! Plus it’s only 59 pages so it won’t take too much of your time to get through it!
I will say, if you are religious and don’t like crass jokes, then I’d say you might want to stay away from this one. I’ve definitely read books with way worse content than this one. This was honestly mild to what I normally read, but I also don’t read anything about religion, however I was so damn curious about this book from the cover and the synopsis that I knew I needed to give this one a chance and I’m really glad I did! It’s not the best thing I’ve ever read but it was definitely hilarious and had some off the wall parts! I’ve been recommended Shaw’s books for a while now, so this was my first book I’ve ever read by him but it will not be my last!!
If you’re on the fence with this one just give it a try because it might surprise you! Plus it’s only 59 pages so it won’t take too much of your time to get through it!
August 15, 2023
I have found listening to Mr. Shaw read his work is a little happy treat in my day. His version of the Old Testament was quite entertaining. Right off the back he gives you that warning that he's doing it regardless how you feel and he makes no apologies. He also tells the audience, this is for those individuals who had no intention of reading the Bible. As a person who grew up Baptist and live life as a Pagan, having this perspective that includes "The Gods" (once you read/listen you'll understand) as they work the the creations of life and the first half of the Bible. There may or may not be the introduction to the scientific explanation of creation too, but I'll never tell for certain.
This was so much fun to listen to and I learned/revisited things I was shaky on although only so much could be fit in the allotted time. But if you're on a short trip and you've got an hour, definitely give this a chance.
This was so much fun to listen to and I learned/revisited things I was shaky on although only so much could be fit in the allotted time. But if you're on a short trip and you've got an hour, definitely give this a chance.
December 4, 2022
We did it. We finally did it. A 5 star for me from Matt Shaw. The Christmas present I didn’t think I would get.
After a string of 3’s, some 2’s and a 1, The Holy F*cking Bible is our saviour. Irony at it’s best. I didn’t grow up going to church, I didn’t grow up religious, but parodies of religion always get me and this one was no different.
From the inclusion of Mrs. God, to the references to modern day, to the interactions of God and Mrs. God, I ate up every second of this. Much like I drink the blood of Christ regularly.
After a string of 3’s, some 2’s and a 1, The Holy F*cking Bible is our saviour. Irony at it’s best. I didn’t grow up going to church, I didn’t grow up religious, but parodies of religion always get me and this one was no different.
From the inclusion of Mrs. God, to the references to modern day, to the interactions of God and Mrs. God, I ate up every second of this. Much like I drink the blood of Christ regularly.
August 30, 2022
Most readers think of Matt Shaw as a extreme horror writer, this book is anything but. If you're not that touchy about religion and you want to laugh you want to read this book.
Mr. Shaw has taken the Bible from the beginning and then went with several of, best way to put it, the main stories in the Bible and put his own twists to them.
Many times I was laughing out loud but then I not very religious when it comes to the Bible.
Mr. Shaw has taken the Bible from the beginning and then went with several of, best way to put it, the main stories in the Bible and put his own twists to them.
Many times I was laughing out loud but then I not very religious when it comes to the Bible.
December 14, 2022
Hilarious! It's also not as "offensive" as you'd think, at least in my opinion, it's more funny and tongue in cheek humor. Compared to some of Shaw's other books, this one is perfectly tame! I loved it so much I bought a hard copy. Short and sweet and I wish he would write a sequel. Go Mrs. God!
August 20, 2023
Favorite one!
I loved this! I think Matt Shaw 's best so far.I was raised Roman catholic, went to parochial school.. And this seemed like a book that would give a good chuckle and it did
I loved this! I think Matt Shaw 's best so far.I was raised Roman catholic, went to parochial school.. And this seemed like a book that would give a good chuckle and it did
December 14, 2023
this is shouldn't even get any stars
this guy is a LOSER
How dare he do this to a bible-a religious artefact?
This shouldn't be allowed or published.
He is disrespecting a religion and those who give him 5 stars should be ashamed of themselves.
this guy is a LOSER
How dare he do this to a bible-a religious artefact?
This shouldn't be allowed or published.
He is disrespecting a religion and those who give him 5 stars should be ashamed of themselves.
September 13, 2024
I don't know whether I don't know how to read or if this is just that poorly written. I just know that there's no way I'm actually reading the Bible, in english at least, if it's as confusing as this book lets it seem.
July 24, 2022
Pretty good, pretty funny, definitely sacrilegious and not for everyone. Only too short. He could have added much, much more.
August 9, 2022
Funny!
It's a quick and funny read. I liked it, but I can see it being offensive to believers. It was amusing though.
It's a quick and funny read. I liked it, but I can see it being offensive to believers. It was amusing though.
January 30, 2023
This was hilarious! Gotta love Matt Shaw's sense of humor 😂
February 26, 2023
Hilarious!
Matt stepped away from extreme horror for this humorous take on Bible stories and did a great job! Very funny and marked by his signature wit; highly recommend!
Matt stepped away from extreme horror for this humorous take on Bible stories and did a great job! Very funny and marked by his signature wit; highly recommend!
March 12, 2023
Very good
Matt Shaw did a fantastic job on the Bible storys hopefully there's more to come and Looking forward to it.
Matt Shaw did a fantastic job on the Bible storys hopefully there's more to come and Looking forward to it.
March 22, 2023
Was funny. Not as extreme as I was thinking.
March 25, 2023
Short and funny!
March 26, 2023
A hilarious parody Matt Shaw version of God and his wife writing the bible.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 36 reviews