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We Are Too Many: A Memoir
“Hannah Pittard’s memoir is so exquisitely crafted — I loved it.”
—Ann Napolitano, New York Times bestselling author of Hello Beautiful
“I loved this book, which I read in two breathless sittings. An intimate, bold, exquisite exploration of marriage, friendship, rivalry, betrayal.”
—Megan Abbott, New York Times bestselling author of The Turnout and Beware the Woman
We Are Too Many is an unexpectedly funny, unflinchingly honest, and genre-bending memoir about a marriage-ending affair between award-winning author Hannah Pittard's husband and her captivating best friend.
In this wryly humorous and innovative look at a marriage gone wrong, Hannah Pittard recalls a decade’s worth of unforgettable conversations, beginning with the one in which she discovers her husband has been having sex with her charismatic best friend, Trish. These time-jumping exchanges are fast-paced, intimate, and often jaw-dropping in their willingness to reveal the vulnerabilities inherent in any friendship or marriage. Blending fact and fiction, sometimes re-creating exchanges with extreme accuracy and sometimes diving headlong into pure speculation, Pittard takes stock not only of her own past and future but also of the larger, more universal experiences they connect with—from the depths of female rage to the heartbreaking ways we inevitably outgrow certain people.
Clever and bold and radically honest to an unthinkable degree, We Are Too Many examines the ugly, unfiltered parts of the female experience, as well as the many (happier) possibilities in starting any life over after a major personal catastrophe.
—Ann Napolitano, New York Times bestselling author of Hello Beautiful
“I loved this book, which I read in two breathless sittings. An intimate, bold, exquisite exploration of marriage, friendship, rivalry, betrayal.”
—Megan Abbott, New York Times bestselling author of The Turnout and Beware the Woman
We Are Too Many is an unexpectedly funny, unflinchingly honest, and genre-bending memoir about a marriage-ending affair between award-winning author Hannah Pittard's husband and her captivating best friend.
In this wryly humorous and innovative look at a marriage gone wrong, Hannah Pittard recalls a decade’s worth of unforgettable conversations, beginning with the one in which she discovers her husband has been having sex with her charismatic best friend, Trish. These time-jumping exchanges are fast-paced, intimate, and often jaw-dropping in their willingness to reveal the vulnerabilities inherent in any friendship or marriage. Blending fact and fiction, sometimes re-creating exchanges with extreme accuracy and sometimes diving headlong into pure speculation, Pittard takes stock not only of her own past and future but also of the larger, more universal experiences they connect with—from the depths of female rage to the heartbreaking ways we inevitably outgrow certain people.
Clever and bold and radically honest to an unthinkable degree, We Are Too Many examines the ugly, unfiltered parts of the female experience, as well as the many (happier) possibilities in starting any life over after a major personal catastrophe.
224 pages, Hardcover
First published May 2, 2023
129 people are currently reading
11989 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 353 reviews
December 2, 2022
I'm biased.
September 26, 2023
We Are Too Many: A Memoir, (Kind Of) – Hannah Pittard – (2023) -
This is a sensational dialogue driven narrative memoir of friendship and betrayal. The author had a decades long friendship with her best friend, Tish—and knew Tish was drawn like a magnet to unavailable married men. When Tish announced that she and her husband had an “open marriage” and she wanted to have her newest lover’s baby. It did not immediately occur to Pittard that Tish’s new lover was her husband, Patrick.
While working her way through college waiting tables, Pittard and Tish became fast friends while enrolled in a University Creative Writing Program. Trish seemed to be popular, attractive, and boldly confident (especially with men). Pittard was overworked, shy, and grieving and the potential loss of her beloved stepfather from cancer. Perhaps to cheer her up, Tish encouraged her to meet a handsome, hot, musician friend of hers, Patrick. While Tish could have gotten involved with Patrick herself, Pittard was warned by Patrick’s former drug addict girlfriend that she would end up paying for everything. After he and Pittard were married, Patrick likely used her connections to advance his own career.
However, where does Tish’s story factor in? Pittard revealed that her sister strongly disliked both Tish and Patrick. In the narrative, we learn very little about Tish to form an opinion, or the reasons for her solid history and preference for married men. Over the years, didn’t Pittard have plenty of time to distance herself from such a devious “untrustworthy” best friend? It was challenging to feel sympathetic, and readers may get a sense that this pair of cheaters rightfully deserved one another. With thanks to Henry Holt via NetGalley for the DDC for the purpose of review. (3.5*GOOD)
This is a sensational dialogue driven narrative memoir of friendship and betrayal. The author had a decades long friendship with her best friend, Tish—and knew Tish was drawn like a magnet to unavailable married men. When Tish announced that she and her husband had an “open marriage” and she wanted to have her newest lover’s baby. It did not immediately occur to Pittard that Tish’s new lover was her husband, Patrick.
While working her way through college waiting tables, Pittard and Tish became fast friends while enrolled in a University Creative Writing Program. Trish seemed to be popular, attractive, and boldly confident (especially with men). Pittard was overworked, shy, and grieving and the potential loss of her beloved stepfather from cancer. Perhaps to cheer her up, Tish encouraged her to meet a handsome, hot, musician friend of hers, Patrick. While Tish could have gotten involved with Patrick herself, Pittard was warned by Patrick’s former drug addict girlfriend that she would end up paying for everything. After he and Pittard were married, Patrick likely used her connections to advance his own career.
However, where does Tish’s story factor in? Pittard revealed that her sister strongly disliked both Tish and Patrick. In the narrative, we learn very little about Tish to form an opinion, or the reasons for her solid history and preference for married men. Over the years, didn’t Pittard have plenty of time to distance herself from such a devious “untrustworthy” best friend? It was challenging to feel sympathetic, and readers may get a sense that this pair of cheaters rightfully deserved one another. With thanks to Henry Holt via NetGalley for the DDC for the purpose of review. (3.5*GOOD)
March 17, 2025
This was the author's brain dump of the dissolution of her marriage. It felt like an exercise that her therapist might've had her do. I didn't feel like I was invited to listen into a private conversation, which is what I think she was trying to achieve. Somehow, it felt icky and uncomfortable and boring and contrived all at once. I do not recommend this book. It should've been titled We Are Too Much.
Read
December 17, 2022I can get very excited when memoir plays with form, but this fell totally flat for me. It doesn't feel like a unique structure, more like no structure at all. It's very important to find the story in a memoir, to turn it into something compelling, otherwise it can feel a lot like someone just droning on and on. And this book, sadly, was an example of when there isn't a story to latch on to.
I also have a lot of questions about the title, which is generally understood as a reference to Hardy's JUDE THE OBSCURE, specifically one of the most harrowing and depressing scenes ever, which actually has nothing to do with this book or divorce. It is a very, very strange connection to make and if it was made unintentionally, someone in publishing should have corrected it somewhere along the line.
Divorce is a difficult subject to write about in a memoir, but I wanted it to succeed. It can be (and was for me) a deeply formative event, which feels like the kind of thing a good memoir should be about. Clearly it was formative for Pittard, and she has learned some things about herself. But for me as the reader, there was not a lot that was very interesting. The initial hook, that her husband cheated on her with her best friend, was the kind of thing to make you keep reading. The narrative jumps around in time for this first section, providing short scenes almost entirely of dialogue. It can feel more like reading a play than a story. It quickly became clear to me that the husband was not a good husband and the friend was not a good friend, which took a lot of the oomph out of the original hook. The thing Pittard really needed clarity on, and thankfully gets, is that her decisions to bring them into her life as her closest companions were misguided ones.
She clearly works through some things. But it is not interesting work. So much of a person's own thoughts, their own work, their own therapy is interesting only to themselves. She does not show us who she is and why we should care about her. The unusual structure means that we don't get much of a chance to care about or relate to the people in her life, either.
She wants this to be about memory, about the way we get things right and wrong. A long section is a fictional dialogue with her ex-husband where she is willing to admit her mistakes. Useful therapy exercise, but not an interesting read. She states at the beginning that she wants this book to help people consider their memories, the way they've gotten things wrong. I care about this too and it's a big part of my own personal work, I wanted to read the book that did that. It's too bad I didn't get it.
I also have a lot of questions about the title, which is generally understood as a reference to Hardy's JUDE THE OBSCURE, specifically one of the most harrowing and depressing scenes ever, which actually has nothing to do with this book or divorce. It is a very, very strange connection to make and if it was made unintentionally, someone in publishing should have corrected it somewhere along the line.
Divorce is a difficult subject to write about in a memoir, but I wanted it to succeed. It can be (and was for me) a deeply formative event, which feels like the kind of thing a good memoir should be about. Clearly it was formative for Pittard, and she has learned some things about herself. But for me as the reader, there was not a lot that was very interesting. The initial hook, that her husband cheated on her with her best friend, was the kind of thing to make you keep reading. The narrative jumps around in time for this first section, providing short scenes almost entirely of dialogue. It can feel more like reading a play than a story. It quickly became clear to me that the husband was not a good husband and the friend was not a good friend, which took a lot of the oomph out of the original hook. The thing Pittard really needed clarity on, and thankfully gets, is that her decisions to bring them into her life as her closest companions were misguided ones.
She clearly works through some things. But it is not interesting work. So much of a person's own thoughts, their own work, their own therapy is interesting only to themselves. She does not show us who she is and why we should care about her. The unusual structure means that we don't get much of a chance to care about or relate to the people in her life, either.
She wants this to be about memory, about the way we get things right and wrong. A long section is a fictional dialogue with her ex-husband where she is willing to admit her mistakes. Useful therapy exercise, but not an interesting read. She states at the beginning that she wants this book to help people consider their memories, the way they've gotten things wrong. I care about this too and it's a big part of my own personal work, I wanted to read the book that did that. It's too bad I didn't get it.
April 29, 2023
I know this is (mostly) nonfiction, but everyone in this is far too reasonable. If my partner cheated on me with my best friend, I would kill both of them and then myself. Anyways, it's fine.
May 27, 2023
I found WE ARE TOO MANY by Hannah Pittard on the Libby app. Check for your local library on the app and read great books for free!📚
I honestly fully expected to give this audiobook 1 star and call it names, but smack me on the ass and call me shocked, this book actually turned around at the 70% mark. I cannot imagine what Pittard was thinking with the form of this book's first two thirds, but I recommend you just skip it. Unless you enjoy watching demolitions in slow motion, in which case--have fun! No, that was mean, but listen...it's just pages and pages of text exchanges. And I picked up the audiobook, so I had to listen to the shorthand back and forth made more witty for readers (but sadly meaningless for listeners).
I can't say for certain whether or not this was a good memoir; parts of it were, so it probably is. But it was a bad audiobook. I almost DNFed it, and it's really not very long.
Rating: 💋💋 / 5 torrid affairs
Recommend? Try the book, maybe?
Finished: May 26 2023
Format: Audiobook, Libby
Read this if you like:
🗣 Memoirs
🫦 Cheating dirtbags
👭🏽 Bad besties
📱 Text message format
I honestly fully expected to give this audiobook 1 star and call it names, but smack me on the ass and call me shocked, this book actually turned around at the 70% mark. I cannot imagine what Pittard was thinking with the form of this book's first two thirds, but I recommend you just skip it. Unless you enjoy watching demolitions in slow motion, in which case--have fun! No, that was mean, but listen...it's just pages and pages of text exchanges. And I picked up the audiobook, so I had to listen to the shorthand back and forth made more witty for readers (but sadly meaningless for listeners).
I can't say for certain whether or not this was a good memoir; parts of it were, so it probably is. But it was a bad audiobook. I almost DNFed it, and it's really not very long.
Rating: 💋💋 / 5 torrid affairs
Recommend? Try the book, maybe?
Finished: May 26 2023
Format: Audiobook, Libby
Read this if you like:
🗣 Memoirs
🫦 Cheating dirtbags
👭🏽 Bad besties
📱 Text message format
May 25, 2023
In Hannah’s [kind of] memoir, she recounts her perspective on her marriage and the affair between her best friend and husband which ended her relationship with both.
Despite the unfortunate subject matter, it was enjoyable and I LOVED the format. The story is structured as remembered and imagined conversations Hannah has had which was so smart and made it so easy to read.
When people often retell memories or conversations, many details are left out, which can alter your opinion. I am selfishly someone who always wants every detail of how things happened so being able to follow the dialogue gave a level of transparency we rarely get!
I love reading about marriages. They will always fascinate me. There is no one way of living that works for everyone so I never see the value in passing judgment. One of my favorite quotes is "No marriage makes sense. Especially not to the outside world. A marriage is its own world" - Meg Mason from 'Sorrow and Bliss'
As anything in life, we have our own perspective of how things went which can differ from how other people view it. The conversations are candid and I believe did a great job showcasing how when a relationship ends, it's not just one person's fault and it showcased all the complicated emotions involved.
It can be difficult to imagine a life without those who have taken up so much space for so much time. But we all deserve better for ourselves and I am happy to see that Hannah got it!
TW: eating disorder
Thank you for the copy HH!
Despite the unfortunate subject matter, it was enjoyable and I LOVED the format. The story is structured as remembered and imagined conversations Hannah has had which was so smart and made it so easy to read.
When people often retell memories or conversations, many details are left out, which can alter your opinion. I am selfishly someone who always wants every detail of how things happened so being able to follow the dialogue gave a level of transparency we rarely get!
I love reading about marriages. They will always fascinate me. There is no one way of living that works for everyone so I never see the value in passing judgment. One of my favorite quotes is "No marriage makes sense. Especially not to the outside world. A marriage is its own world" - Meg Mason from 'Sorrow and Bliss'
As anything in life, we have our own perspective of how things went which can differ from how other people view it. The conversations are candid and I believe did a great job showcasing how when a relationship ends, it's not just one person's fault and it showcased all the complicated emotions involved.
It can be difficult to imagine a life without those who have taken up so much space for so much time. But we all deserve better for ourselves and I am happy to see that Hannah got it!
TW: eating disorder
Thank you for the copy HH!
October 10, 2023
This was a unique smart and funny take on an infidelity memoir. I liked Pittard's use of humor and her willingness to question her own role in the end of her marriage even though she was the one who was betrayed. This book does not stray away from complexity. The end falls a part a bit, but it is so short it doesn't hurt the book overall too much.
May 22, 2023
I listened to the audiobook version. I tried to get through it, but I found every person in the book so self-absorbed and unlikable that I dreaded turning the audio back on.
July 5, 2023
The first part of the book had me feeling hostile. Patrick and Trish were the WORST!
Read
May 20, 2024Potentially her best book yet, although I think I liked Visible Empire more. Read this mostly hoping for some hot twelfth floor gossip, but outside of being able to identify most of the unnamed Lexington persons (aside from one - I have an idea, but it seems too outlandish), it’s mostly centered on two people (both of whom I had as professors) and a person not related to UK at all. Littered both with moments that were TMI as far as being a former student (with attendant parasociality) went and deeply depressing in the ongoing realization that being “an adult” doesn’t necessarily mean you have a better grip of this whole living thing, but ultimately vindicating in how accurate my impression of Pittard’s ex-husband was from day 1 of being in his class. I do kinda hope his (alleged/rumored/etc) memoir also gets sold one day, if only to cringe-read, but somehow I doubt it - he may be smart in his own way, but I don’t really think (based on what’s written here, but also just the way he was in class - I will never forget him strolling in, asking what Snapchat was because he “needed it for a story he was writing” and then doing a whole rigamarole of disbelief over realizing it could be used for sexting) there’s anything at all going on in his head beyond himself and that can only be so marketable, especially when the hipster Luddite bubble popped in 2013.
EDIT 5/20/24: The ex-husband didn't write a memoir, he wrote a novel. Well, sorta.
EDIT 5/20/24: The ex-husband didn't write a memoir, he wrote a novel. Well, sorta.
May 10, 2023
Damn y’all, 2023 is the year of the divorce memoir. April gave us Maggie Smith but May gave us Hannah Pittard.
Where Maggie’s memoir was a bit more reserved, We Are Too Many is the opposite. We get ALL the nitty gritty and lord, is there some tea.
I practically inhaled this book and now know that divorce memoirs are clearly another sub genre that I can’t put quit. It’s the voyeurism in me.
Where Maggie’s memoir was a bit more reserved, We Are Too Many is the opposite. We get ALL the nitty gritty and lord, is there some tea.
I practically inhaled this book and now know that divorce memoirs are clearly another sub genre that I can’t put quit. It’s the voyeurism in me.
August 6, 2022
I love the way this story was structured. I enjoyed how it explored the imperfect ways we perceive our own experiences, as well as the importance of how we communicate in relationships.
May 17, 2023
I found the style of writing offputting and the inhabitants of the memoir unappealing.
May 15, 2023
If you’re a memoir girlie or just a fan of stories about people navigating complicated adult relationships, lemme introduce you to Hannah Pittard’s fantastic “kind of” memoir, We Are Too Many.
I won this in a Goodreads giveaway and knew nothing about it; in an unusual turn of events, I began reading it almost immediately after opening the package and then I just…couldn’t stop. Hannah’s story & honest writing really stole my attention.
The gist of the book is that Hannah’s husband had an affair with her (pretty toxic) best friend, and this memoir is sort of the processing of both of those relationships as well as Hannah sort of figuring herself out. She doesn’t present herself as a victim or someone to pity; more than anything, she tries to show where these relationships went wrong long before any physical lines were crossed. Hannah is so brutally honest about herself, her life, and the idiosyncrasies of adult relationships. As a thirty something, I found so much of her story relatable in different ways and left the book feeling like I’d just gotten off the phone with a friend.
Also, the writing style is COOL. The first part is written like a script showing snapshots across the years of the relationship, which was a fun way to see things emerge. Overall, this was a wonderful surprise of a book that I highly recommend!
Lastly, a slight ED trigger warning**** the author is very candid about her issues with disordered eating, so tread carefully if that is a trigger for you.
I won this in a Goodreads giveaway and knew nothing about it; in an unusual turn of events, I began reading it almost immediately after opening the package and then I just…couldn’t stop. Hannah’s story & honest writing really stole my attention.
The gist of the book is that Hannah’s husband had an affair with her (pretty toxic) best friend, and this memoir is sort of the processing of both of those relationships as well as Hannah sort of figuring herself out. She doesn’t present herself as a victim or someone to pity; more than anything, she tries to show where these relationships went wrong long before any physical lines were crossed. Hannah is so brutally honest about herself, her life, and the idiosyncrasies of adult relationships. As a thirty something, I found so much of her story relatable in different ways and left the book feeling like I’d just gotten off the phone with a friend.
Also, the writing style is COOL. The first part is written like a script showing snapshots across the years of the relationship, which was a fun way to see things emerge. Overall, this was a wonderful surprise of a book that I highly recommend!
Lastly, a slight ED trigger warning**** the author is very candid about her issues with disordered eating, so tread carefully if that is a trigger for you.
May 11, 2024
I hate this book.
Spoilers (and vitriol)
Seriously you marry a narcissistic man child, have not the strength to stand up for yourself, divorce, claim victim hood like a damned badge of honor and I’m what.. supposed to feel bad for you? Please! Same shit happens everyday and it’s not poignant or poetic it’s just shitty life. Do better. Be better.
Spoilers (and vitriol)
Seriously you marry a narcissistic man child, have not the strength to stand up for yourself, divorce, claim victim hood like a damned badge of honor and I’m what.. supposed to feel bad for you? Please! Same shit happens everyday and it’s not poignant or poetic it’s just shitty life. Do better. Be better.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 30, 2023
Hannah Pittard’s profoundly personal and genre-busting memoir We Are Too Many, A Memoir [Kind Of] is the author’s journey as a writer. Using a blend of fact and fiction, she candidly opens up about a painful personal betrayal in which she discovers her husband has been having sex with her best friend, Trish. This unfaithfulness led her to therapy, where she sought to understand her desires and relationship dynamics.
The conversational format is interesting for a memoir, as is the blend of memoir and fiction, which the author writes about in her introduction, explaining that it’s easier to fictionalize real-life people. Even though this story was intimately her own, it has so much universality. Readers will find themselves relating to the emotions the author experiences—no relationship is perfect. No person is perfect. And as a reader, she invites us into her world, letting us see all her flaws. She’s unflinchingly honest and vulnerable. We Are Too Many examines the unfiltered parts of the female experience and the possibilities of starting over after a significant personal catastrophe. It was funny and clever—an excellent read for anyone needing to start a new chapter in life.
To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at: https://www.momsdonthavetimetoreadboo...
The conversational format is interesting for a memoir, as is the blend of memoir and fiction, which the author writes about in her introduction, explaining that it’s easier to fictionalize real-life people. Even though this story was intimately her own, it has so much universality. Readers will find themselves relating to the emotions the author experiences—no relationship is perfect. No person is perfect. And as a reader, she invites us into her world, letting us see all her flaws. She’s unflinchingly honest and vulnerable. We Are Too Many examines the unfiltered parts of the female experience and the possibilities of starting over after a significant personal catastrophe. It was funny and clever—an excellent read for anyone needing to start a new chapter in life.
To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at: https://www.momsdonthavetimetoreadboo...
April 1, 2025
I’m not particularly sure if I know why this book exists. It feels awfully simple, and although I was interested in some of its formal elements, I didn’t think it was particularly special or even all that complicated. The New York Mag article brought me here, and it was better and had more to say than this book did.
Who are these people? They seem generally awful. Who talks like that? Who loves like that?
I sense that I was supposed to feel sympathy for Pittard throughout, but the truth was that I didn’t, exactly. Self-destruction, navel-gazing, the endless debasement etc.—maybe these are not actually contents that invite sympathy. Really, it was only when she was talking about tenderness—loving her dog, missing Patrick—that I could deeply feel for her. Maybe what I’m trying to differentiate is some difference between nakedness and intimacy in writing. The reader is moved more easily by the latter.
Who are these people? They seem generally awful. Who talks like that? Who loves like that?
I sense that I was supposed to feel sympathy for Pittard throughout, but the truth was that I didn’t, exactly. Self-destruction, navel-gazing, the endless debasement etc.—maybe these are not actually contents that invite sympathy. Really, it was only when she was talking about tenderness—loving her dog, missing Patrick—that I could deeply feel for her. Maybe what I’m trying to differentiate is some difference between nakedness and intimacy in writing. The reader is moved more easily by the latter.
June 24, 2023
Sometimes you read something and you’re left with the feeling of “what was the point of this?” This book fits firmly into that category. There were glimmers of something great here, insights into the human condition and into the lives of imperfect people trying to survive, but there was no connecting narrative thread to hold it together. The structure was sporadic and the randomness of it all didn’t add to the story, but instead left me feeling confused as to what the author was trying to say.
The relationship issues, while the central part of this memoir, we’re taxing to read and honestly made me dislike everyone involved (including the author herself). The more interesting part of this to me was the narrative about her eating disorder and how different people in her life contributed or took away from her disordered patterns. The commentary about different kinds of friendships was relatable and really struck a cord that I would be interested to read more of.
Overall I’m not sure what I was supposed to get out of this.
The relationship issues, while the central part of this memoir, we’re taxing to read and honestly made me dislike everyone involved (including the author herself). The more interesting part of this to me was the narrative about her eating disorder and how different people in her life contributed or took away from her disordered patterns. The commentary about different kinds of friendships was relatable and really struck a cord that I would be interested to read more of.
Overall I’m not sure what I was supposed to get out of this.
April 15, 2023
We Are Too Many by Hannah Pittard. Thanks to @henryholt for the gifted Arc ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
When Hannah finds out her husband is having an affair with her best friend, she is not surprised; she almost expected it. Time jumping exchanges show us the past, present, and future of her marriage.
I loved this (kind of) memoir! It is extremely fast paced and a fast read. It has sections that are in different formats. The first section was my favorite, as it’s all dialogue and almost reads like a play. You get to understand Hannah’s marriage through this. The rest of the book is more reflection and deep. It had the same type feel of one of my favorites, Fleishman is in Trouble; the dissolution of a marriage where we see it coming and are there to watch the trauma.
“Every day it is hard. Every day it is easy to believe that everyone I hiding inside themselves, as I was for so long.”
We Are Too Many comes out 5/2.
When Hannah finds out her husband is having an affair with her best friend, she is not surprised; she almost expected it. Time jumping exchanges show us the past, present, and future of her marriage.
I loved this (kind of) memoir! It is extremely fast paced and a fast read. It has sections that are in different formats. The first section was my favorite, as it’s all dialogue and almost reads like a play. You get to understand Hannah’s marriage through this. The rest of the book is more reflection and deep. It had the same type feel of one of my favorites, Fleishman is in Trouble; the dissolution of a marriage where we see it coming and are there to watch the trauma.
“Every day it is hard. Every day it is easy to believe that everyone I hiding inside themselves, as I was for so long.”
We Are Too Many comes out 5/2.
November 3, 2022
Hannah Pittard draws us into her life with her unique writing style her open raw look at her marriage.Discovering your husband is having an affair with your best friend would shake anyones world.The author shares her reaction to this betrayal her coping with it with them.There are moments I laughed out loud and others there was sadness.This is a wonderful memoir that I will be recommending.#netgalley #henryholt
September 18, 2025
I think the only reason I gave this 2 stars and not 1 is because I love sitting at restaurants and overhearing couples drunk and arguing, and that’s what a large part of this book felt like
November 3, 2024
SO much drama and i appreciate the structure of this book a lot, also the fact that its only 200 pages. I can’t believe they’re all writers and they all wrote about it. also she’s literally friends with Ada Limón at the end?? imagine you cheat on your husband with your best friend’s husband and then not only do you get dropped but her next best friend is ada limón. wild.
This would have gotten 5 stars if her husband wasn’t such a dick idiot to begin with
This would have gotten 5 stars if her husband wasn’t such a dick idiot to begin with
February 22, 2024
A good memoir can transcend the lived experiences of the author and express universal truths all readers can learn from. Other memoirs devolve into exercises in solipsism and narcissism and make readers wonder why this book ever made its way onto a shelf. Every writer knows that some of the manuscripts they write are meant for publication, while others are meant for a box in the back of their closet, ready to gather dust. We Are Too Many, while not without its moments of interest, falls into the latter category.
Marital infidelity is nothing new, and far better artists and writers than Hannah Pittard have explored this issue in great depth, excavating myriad emotions in the process, and making trenchant statements about the function of marriage in our capitalist, patriarchal society. I wish Pittard had trusted her story enough not to fuss with it. The basic plot is this: Pittard discovers that her husband, a louche alcoholic with the emotional maturity of a five-year-old, is screwing around with her best friend, another boozer who loves nothing better than self-destruction. Pittard immediately files for divorce, and this event, naturally, forces her to re-examine her decade-long relationship with both her ex-husband and ex-friend, who went on the marry each other.
The structure of this book works against it. Set up like mini stage plays, Pittard mines her memory--she even fact checked with "Patrick" and "Trish"--to get the details just right. Yet she zigzags from one moment in time to the next, creating a narrative so disruptive readers don't get to see the progression of these relationships or empathize with anyone. All of these people, the author included, come off as abrasive hipsters posing as writers and artists who need to cause trouble to make themselves and their lives interesting provide them fodder for their so-called art. More than anything, all of these people are (or were) in dire need of an intervention. Folks, these people are serious alcoholics, and it's no surprise that Pittard's dependence on booze, as well as her eating disorder, swept her into a marriage with this bozo. Why women fall for trashy men like this I'll never know, but I'm glad she got out and seems to have reached a place of peace and solace. As for her book, you can pass on it.
Marital infidelity is nothing new, and far better artists and writers than Hannah Pittard have explored this issue in great depth, excavating myriad emotions in the process, and making trenchant statements about the function of marriage in our capitalist, patriarchal society. I wish Pittard had trusted her story enough not to fuss with it. The basic plot is this: Pittard discovers that her husband, a louche alcoholic with the emotional maturity of a five-year-old, is screwing around with her best friend, another boozer who loves nothing better than self-destruction. Pittard immediately files for divorce, and this event, naturally, forces her to re-examine her decade-long relationship with both her ex-husband and ex-friend, who went on the marry each other.
The structure of this book works against it. Set up like mini stage plays, Pittard mines her memory--she even fact checked with "Patrick" and "Trish"--to get the details just right. Yet she zigzags from one moment in time to the next, creating a narrative so disruptive readers don't get to see the progression of these relationships or empathize with anyone. All of these people, the author included, come off as abrasive hipsters posing as writers and artists who need to cause trouble to make themselves and their lives interesting provide them fodder for their so-called art. More than anything, all of these people are (or were) in dire need of an intervention. Folks, these people are serious alcoholics, and it's no surprise that Pittard's dependence on booze, as well as her eating disorder, swept her into a marriage with this bozo. Why women fall for trashy men like this I'll never know, but I'm glad she got out and seems to have reached a place of peace and solace. As for her book, you can pass on it.
May 17, 2024
“We Are Too Many” was too little in care, too little in rage, and worst of all, too little too late. I only finished reading it because of its short length. I didn’t care for the writing style. If the author had laid out the text messages in chronological order or maybe used her final vignettes as the primary writing style while incorporating the text conversations throughout, it would’ve been a more successful read, especially if you're listening to the audiobook. A lot of the memoir's message didn’t translate fully, and the themes could’ve been explored more thoroughly.
The beginning of the book feels monotone and predictable. Her husband sleeps with her then-best friend, yet nothing about it feels shocking, raw, or painful. It's apparent early on that her friendship is based on competition and her marriage on tolerance. Her friend is even described as someone who pursues married men and drinks heavily. It almost felt like there was no reason to write this book. This is exactly why it was so easy for her to cut her friend off in the end—she never really trusted her. Meanwhile, she maintained some semblance of a relationship with her ex-husband because she didn’t know him completely, and she knew both her ex-friend and herself were still in competition.
I even found the conversation between her and her ex-husband to be pointless. It just ended with her assigning blame to herself for agreeing to marry him. Some may see this as a point of reflection and accountability, yet again, I see it as her giving this man grace. He didn’t have to propose to her; he could’ve broken up with her instead of cheating. This book just wasn’t for me. The writing got better in the final part, and I felt we finally started to see more of the author shining through. But when I finished, I felt like I had read about three narcissistic people who knew who they were when they got together and couldn’t be surprised when everything ended the way it did.
The beginning of the book feels monotone and predictable. Her husband sleeps with her then-best friend, yet nothing about it feels shocking, raw, or painful. It's apparent early on that her friendship is based on competition and her marriage on tolerance. Her friend is even described as someone who pursues married men and drinks heavily. It almost felt like there was no reason to write this book. This is exactly why it was so easy for her to cut her friend off in the end—she never really trusted her. Meanwhile, she maintained some semblance of a relationship with her ex-husband because she didn’t know him completely, and she knew both her ex-friend and herself were still in competition.
I even found the conversation between her and her ex-husband to be pointless. It just ended with her assigning blame to herself for agreeing to marry him. Some may see this as a point of reflection and accountability, yet again, I see it as her giving this man grace. He didn’t have to propose to her; he could’ve broken up with her instead of cheating. This book just wasn’t for me. The writing got better in the final part, and I felt we finally started to see more of the author shining through. But when I finished, I felt like I had read about three narcissistic people who knew who they were when they got together and couldn’t be surprised when everything ended the way it did.
May 1, 2024
I think this book would probably be enjoyed more by reading, not listening, as I did. The first half of the book is the author reading either text messages or dialog, which became monotonous. It was an interesting structure, by providing exchanges that happened between herself and other people surrounding the relationship with her now ex-husband & his now wife/her ex-friend. She then goes on to analyze the relationship between herself & the different people involved. She even imagines a scenario in which she & her ex were honest with each other about what each of them wanted, or where the relationship was going wrong. Parts of this were enjoyable & other parts just felt like the author needed to unload her feelings to a sympathetic audience. I only finished this because it was a short listen.
March 23, 2024
2.5 stars, but that might be generous. I read “Set for Life” first, so read this to get the other side. In both books, the husband is awful — but in this one, for unfathomable reasons, she marries him. She portrays herself more kindly than he does, and, in both books, alcohol is a main character, always boring.
Baffled by the reference to Helen Keller not being true and Anne Sullivan was the real grifter ??
Underwhelming writing and unsympathetic characters, all of them.
Baffled by the reference to Helen Keller not being true and Anne Sullivan was the real grifter ??
Underwhelming writing and unsympathetic characters, all of them.
August 21, 2025
Because of her new book and my own algorithm, I keep seeing Pittard’s name and what's become kind of her “core story" pop up places. While I'm interested to see how this story continues to permeate her writing and am sort of hoping she'll find a way to leave it be someday, I also really appreciate the way she continues to reclaim and explore the narrative. There IS something gleeful and empowering here, but there is also an inherent discomfort in the exercise and I haven't quite decided how I feel about it.
This was an incredibly compulsive read and made me feel the whole gamut of emotions. It is also one of those books where you can't help but think, “If I were friends with Hannah Pittard, would I have tried to discourage her from writing this book? Who is this for?? WHAT is this for???” By her own admission, telling this kind of story - even deciding whether or not TO tell this story - is a delicate dance that one person can never get 100% right. But we only have our own experiences and understanding of what happens to us so if the alternative is never telling our stories at all? Clearly Pittard has decided that's not an option. Generally, I agree, and though I thought the use of the script format was pretty ingenious (it gives an almost documentary-like feeling to the events and allows the author to slightly detach herself from the story), I found the inclusion of the made-up conversations, particularly the scenes between her ex-husband and friend, a little tough.
This was an incredibly compulsive read and made me feel the whole gamut of emotions. It is also one of those books where you can't help but think, “If I were friends with Hannah Pittard, would I have tried to discourage her from writing this book? Who is this for?? WHAT is this for???” By her own admission, telling this kind of story - even deciding whether or not TO tell this story - is a delicate dance that one person can never get 100% right. But we only have our own experiences and understanding of what happens to us so if the alternative is never telling our stories at all? Clearly Pittard has decided that's not an option. Generally, I agree, and though I thought the use of the script format was pretty ingenious (it gives an almost documentary-like feeling to the events and allows the author to slightly detach herself from the story), I found the inclusion of the made-up conversations, particularly the scenes between her ex-husband and friend, a little tough.
August 29, 2025
I have had this one on my TBR for a couple of years. Hannah’s husband has an affair with her best friend. I was expecting anger and some mud slinging, and it was there, but it was much more subdued than I expected.
This is “a memoir [kind of]” because it is 100% from Hannah’s perspective, so she only knows her own side of things. She replays conversations from memory, invents some conversations between her husband and best friend, and reflects on her marriage and friendship and the betrayal she feels.
I also listened to the audiobook read by the author, and because of the format it was a bit odd, but I enjoyed hearing the story in her voice. I would love to read more of her novels, especially the latest one. Her husband also wrote a book about their divorce, and the newest Pittard novel is about a husband writing a book about his affair and divorce… The fun continues!
Honestly, though, this book was really sad. It’s about estrangement and broken trust and how to move on after you’ve been deceived by the people you love most. I think anyone who has had a failed marriage can relate in some way.
This is “a memoir [kind of]” because it is 100% from Hannah’s perspective, so she only knows her own side of things. She replays conversations from memory, invents some conversations between her husband and best friend, and reflects on her marriage and friendship and the betrayal she feels.
I also listened to the audiobook read by the author, and because of the format it was a bit odd, but I enjoyed hearing the story in her voice. I would love to read more of her novels, especially the latest one. Her husband also wrote a book about their divorce, and the newest Pittard novel is about a husband writing a book about his affair and divorce… The fun continues!
Honestly, though, this book was really sad. It’s about estrangement and broken trust and how to move on after you’ve been deceived by the people you love most. I think anyone who has had a failed marriage can relate in some way.
November 23, 2025
I love Pittard's writing and will forever rank her The Fates Will Find Their Way as one of the best debuts and most haunting stories that I've read, but this nonfiction contribution felt icky in parts. It is still wonderful because Pittard is an amazing writer, but the entire book felt like her way of trying to get back at her best friend and her husband for the affair they had. Other authors have written about personal betrayals, and the average autobiography is littered with personal trauma that informs who the writer is as a person, but here it felt like the sole purpose of the book was to trash two people who betrayed her. It still had lovely writing, painful scenes, and kept me turning pages, but it also felt like less about growth and learning and more about revenge.
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