CONFESSION: THE NOVEL

by Sanfour PRD

I wrote the above three years ago.The other day, on looking over this part again, on returning to the succession of ideas and feelings through which I had passed while writing it, I had a dream.This dream repeated for me in a condensed form all that I had lived through and described, and I therefore think that a description of it may, for those who have understood me, serve to render clearer, to refresh the remembrance of, and to collect into one whole, all that has been described at so much length in these pages. The dream was as follows.I am lying on my back in bed, and I feel neither particularly well nor comfortable, nor the contrary. I begin to think whether it is well for me to lie, and something makes me feel uncomfortable in the legs; if the bed be too short or ill made, I know not, but something is not right. I move my legs about, and at the same time begin to think how and on what I am lying, a thing which previously had never troubled me. I examine the bed, and see that I am lying on a network of cords fastened to the sides of the bedstead. My heels lie on one of these cords, my legs on another, and this is uncomfortable. I am somehow aware that the cords can be moved, and with my legs I push the cord away, and it seems to me that thus it will be easier. But I had pushed the cord too far; I try to catch it with my legs, but this movement causes another cord to slip from under me, and my legs hang down. I move my body to get right again, convinced that it will be easy, but this movement causes other cords to slip and change their places beneath me, and I perceive that my position is altogether worse; my whole body sinks and hangs without my legs touching the ground. I hold myself up only by the upper part of the back, and I feel now not only discomfort, but horror. I now begin to ask myself what I had not thought of before. I ask myself where I am, and on what I am lying. I begin to look round, and first I look below, to the place towards which my body sank, and where I feel it must soon fall. I look below, and I cannot believe my eyes.

77 pages, Kindle Edition

Published August 11, 2021