Not Everyone is Going to Like You: Thoughts From a Former People Pleaser

by Rinny Perkins

A debut illustrated manifesto by Rinny Perkins (@RinnyRiot) about what she's learned as a queer Black woman through the art of self-validation.

In this graphic collection of mini essays, comedian Rinny Perkins illustrates her experiences as the owner of a popular online shop while she figures out antidepressant prescriptions and the seemingly never-ending dating-app cycle.

Rinny shares what she's learned across topics like mental health, work, sex and dating, and family and friends. Featuring funny, real reflections from experiences in her hometown of (Third Ward!) Houston, Texas to Los Angeles — the author traces her journey to understanding that whether through a friendship break-up or saving up for a Telfar bag, the only person who can truly validate us is ourselves.

With 1970s-inspired graphics like a "When To Quit Your Job" checklist and Microaggressions Bingo, Not Everyone's Going to Like You is a long DM of affirmations from Rinny to herself on how to get through life. Her advice? Stop ignoring your intuition, ignore perfection, and leave them on read.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Memoir, Mental Health, Essays

176 pages, Paperback

Published April 25, 2023

Reviews

[jewelthinks · Rating 5 out of 5]

On time, thoughtful, insightful.

Perfect balance of text and illustrations. The mini- essays are relatable without being banal or preachy.

I plan to give this book as gifts to several friends. They need it. We need it.

[Jamie (TheRebelliousReader) · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 stars. I needed this book right now. Perkins writing style is so conversational and humorous and quick witted. She had me laughing out loud quite a few times. She was preaching in this. I especially loved the chapter on mental health because I will always and forever love seeing Black people advocate for our mental health. It brings me so much joy. Overall, an excellent collection of essays and one that I need to get myself a physical copy of so I can highlight and annotate it. She dropped some gems in here.

[Karla Strand · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fun, colorful, candid, and good advice!

[Talisa Rafferty · Rating 5 out of 5]

Cute and quick read. Definitely reaffirms the ND life. People pleasing will only lead to an early grave. Love yourself and everything else follows.

[Rose Peterson · Rating 3 out of 5]

A friend sent me a copy of this book, claiming that one of his coworkers was distributing copies at the office because it was so transformational. I don't know about transformation--I don't feel like this book added much to ongoing conversations; it felt more like regurgitation of common pop psychology mantras. I loved the graphic design and layout of the book, though.

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

I needed this book 20 years ago but I'm grateful to read it now. The essays are thoughtful, succinct, and direct. The artwork is punchy and vibrant. Perkins is that voice you need when you doubt yourself. I highly recommend this mix of memoir, advice, and art

[Tabatha_Reads_Books · Rating 5 out of 5]

As the back cover says, a book written by the author on what she has learned through the art of self validation. I won this book through Good Reads giveaways, and I am really impressed with this book. This is a book that I wish I could have given my 16-18 year old self and said “Read this, learn it, live it”. This book is a compilation of essays discussing topics such as dating, sex, money, friendships, family, and mental health, and really should be a a manual for young women (men and non-binary persons too!). Her views on putting yourself first, not accepting half assed relationships and disrespect, and how to give yourself more value are priceless lessons that should be taught to young adults. I highly recommend this book and will be sharing it with others.

[Lafesha Alverez · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book literally had me at hello. I knew upon reading the first sentence that this book was for me. The entire time I read it I felt like the author was speaking from my own head. The realness and relatability of the context grabbed a hold of me and I knew that I needed to buckle and enjoy the ride. The Author left me wanting more and that could be that the ending to me left something more to be desired but overall this was a really great read. I highly recommend it and the Audible companion is excellent as well.

[Grey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you to PenguinTeen and NetGalley for an eARC, all opinions are my own.

This was such a fun book! I loved how the author emphasized on self love throughout the book and Throughout every chapter and this book actually taught me a lot more than I originally expected. This was also an extremely fast read(which is a good thing)

[Lauren · Rating 2 out of 5]

**Audiobook
A quick listen to add one more to the “read” list for 2023.
Listened to this on my early morning ride to and from the airport. It was just ok for me. There was lots of advice relevant more for younger, single people. But it kept me awake for the drive so it was worth it.

[Ashley Leahy · Rating 5 out of 5]

So damn cute! Great graphic design…great advice…super funny and relatable. Basically, you’ll love it.

[ava'a bookshelf ʚĭɞ · Rating 3 out of 5]

The design and art style of the book was so retro and fun!

[Maggie Mae · Rating 5 out of 5]

✸ READ IT ✸

[Davida · Rating 2 out of 5]

I liked the title and the visuals more than anything in this book. I guess I also like getting a peek into the “young people” world. 😏

[Jessica Fitzpatrick · Rating 5 out of 5]

First off, HTOWN 🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻
Second, this is beautiful, truthful and uplifting.
Third, we are on the same meds so 💁🏻‍♀️

[Joelette · Rating 5 out of 5]

As imperfect as this book was, it was right on time for me. It's short and sweet and absolutely filled with quick tidbits of advise that was needed for me in the moment. Thanks Rinny!

[Rashae Burns · Rating 3 out of 5]

A quick read with good reflections for Black women.

[Candice Hale · Rating 5 out of 5]

🅼🅸🅽🅸 🅱🅾🅾🅺 🆁🅴🆅🅸🅴🆆

✨𝙉𝙤𝙩 𝙀𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙄𝙨 𝙂𝙤𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙤 𝙇𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙔𝙤𝙪 by Rinny Perkins✨

▪️ 𝗕𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗳 𝗥𝗲𝗳𝗹𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻: I needed this book seriously twenty years ago because it would have saved me so much headache and heartache about friendships and relationships. Perkins talks about so many different things that I have experienced that I was “mmm hmmm” and nodding in agreement too many times to count. Her advice is direct, succinct, and relatable. You know it comes from a place of experience and sometimes regrets/mistakes, but that is how we learn. This is a book I can appreciate even now in my 40s though.

▪️ 𝗔𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗼𝗿’𝘀 𝗠𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗮𝗴𝗲: Perkins message throughout is pretty clear. Adulthood is full of things that we have to overcome, including work hardships, health, relationships, finances, and heartbreak, but that doesn’t mean that those thing define us or our worth. We have to preserve the good parts of who we are before the world thinks they can pour their shit down on us—we have to protect ourselves and our peace. Perkins says: “you should free yourself from the burden of people pleasing.” Don’t trip yourself up on those that don’t matter.

▪️𝗔𝘂𝗱𝗶𝗼𝗯𝗼𝗼𝗸: There is no audiobook for this one, but it doesn’t need one. This book is visually amazing. It’s like a graphic novel sorta, too, with a 1970s vibe. The lettering, style, and shape is simply groovy. The colors are bright, illuminating, and just pop—so you do not miss a beat. Every just pops out at you as a reader—almost like your were being in an audio—attention on ten. The pages keep you locked in.

▪️𝗥𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

▪️𝗥𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝗲𝗻𝗱: For readers of self-help, non-fiction, memoir, essays, and topics surrounding mental health, work place, Black girls and women, and sexuality and relationships.

[Kirstyn (readwithkirstyn) · Rating 5 out of 5]

I know so many people who would have benefited from this book and still would. Additionally, I know many young kids who would benefit highly as well. This is a fun book about self love that is so relaxed you will feel like you're talking to your best friend when reading it.