Trust: Knowing When to Give It, When to Withhold It, How to Earn It, and How to Fix It When It Gets Broken

by Henry Cloud

New York Times bestselling author, psychologist, and leadership expert Henry Cloud equips us to understand and manage trust for successful relationships through five foundational aspects. Trust is the fuel for all of life. We are wired biologically, neurologically, emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically to trust. Trust is the currency that drives every relationship, beginning with the foundational bond between infants and their mothers, extending to the trust networks that undergird every human endeavor—art, science, commerce—and binding together every relationship we have ever had or ever will have. Nothing in our world works without trust. It is tempting to think that trust is simple, that we should be able to spot a lack of trustworthiness relatively easily. But we all have our stories about misplaced trust. We either missed clear or subtle warning signs or there just were not any warning signs to see. Everything looked good on the surface, and maybe it was. But we got burned anyway. And sometimes we struggle to earn and keep the trust of those around us when trust bonds fail to form or are broken. When trust breaks down, so does our ability to move forward. Dr. Cloud explores the five foundational aspects of trust that must be present for any relationship to function successfully and helps us to understand how to implement them. He also guides us through the difficult process of repairing trust when it has been violated and broken, even when restoring trust feels impossible. Rich with wisdom drawn from decades of experience in clinical practice, business consulting and research, Trust is the ultimate resource for managing this most complex and fundamental of human bonds, allowing us to experience more fruitful and rewarding relationships in every area of our lives.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Psychology, Leadership, Relationships, Christian, Business

304 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2023

About the author

Dr. Cloud has written or co-written twenty-five books, including the two million-seller Boundaries. His most recent books are Boundaries for Leaders and Necessary Endings. He has earned three Gold Medallion awards, and was awarded the distinguished Retailers Choice award for God Will Make A Way.

As president of Cloud-Townsend Resources, Dr. Cloud has produced and conducted hundreds of public seminars around the country. He speaks on relationships—marriage, parenting, dating, personal growth, and spirituality. His seminars are often broadcast live to over two thousand venues at a time.

Reviews

[Lisa of Troy · Rating 5 out of 5]

My therapist recommended this book. No therapist would recommend this unhinged review.

My trust issues are complex. Growing up, I was both physically and mentally abused. One of my parents straight up lied. The other parent largely told the truth, but he made really poor choices that profoundly impacted my life in a negative way. There are memories that are so traumatic that my brain will not access them. Something broke in me a long time ago. Dr. Cloud talks about how children typically learn to rely on others. I didn’t because my parents were neglectful. As a result, I don’t walk toward others. I try to run in the opposite direction.

I live on an island with untrodden shores. My island is only a hint of a half-remembered dream, on no map, and no one has ventured to land upon my shores for many years.

Dr. Cloud talks about relationship repair, rebuilding trust, yawn, yawn, yawn.

I’m not interested in forgiveness. Revenge is so much more satisfying.

Dr. Cloud made a few things clear. To those that plan on bringing chaos into my life, their reign of terror is over.

The Green Light at the End of the Dock (How much I spent):
Electronic Text – Free through Libby
Audiobook - $5.51 through Audible

Connect With Me!
Instagram/Threads: @lisa_of_troy
Blog: lisaoftroy.com

[Cover Lover Book Review · Rating 4 out of 5]

Trust opens with a compelling boardroom crisis meeting scene. Now, I am someone who falls asleep (or wants to run) at the mere mention of any kind of financial business dealings or corporate conflicts, etc. (sorry, it’s just how my mind works) but I was bound by this narrative. The author successfully uses an example of how two board members began to gain back the trust they lost in one another to communicate the purpose of this book.

Trust is central in every aspect of our lives, especially our relationships. The author explains what it is, how it works, how to mend things when it is damaged.

With a wonderful conversational tone, this book not only gave me a broader understanding of trust and its importance, but it also helped me discover a lot about myself.

A highly insightful, inspiring, and motivational book.

First Lines: The morning was tense. I was accustomed to tense situations in my line of work, but I was not prepared for what happened next.
Genre: Christian Self-Help
Author: Dr. Henry Cloud
Page Count: 304

#CoverLoverBookReview received a complimentary copy of this book. Opinions are 100% mine.

[Ben Kaminski · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly recommend for any stage of life. Odds are someone at some point will break your trust. How are you going to handle it? Read this book to be equipped beforehand to know who to trust, when to trust and how to repair trust when it’s broken. Or if you have had trust broken at all in your life, read this to see practical ways of rebuilding trust, if it’s possible. Trust is a cornerstone in relationships.

[Genevieve · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was an insightful and thought-provoking read. Trust is key to a healthy life. But it is also multi-faceted and there are many more reasons not to trust someone than just whether they tell the truth or not. Lots to think and something to consider reading through multiple times throughout life!

[Gijs Limonard · Rating 3 out of 5]

2,5 stars; some useful pointers and musings on trust; the subject could've been fleshed out more; the author's personal religious convictions shine through the text and copious bible references do take away from the overall message.

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a book that everyone should read--a sort of manual to a healthy understanding of trust-- because trust is the foundation to all healthy relationships. Dr. Cloud takes an abstract, complex idea (trust) and puts it into logical, easily understandable terms. He first defines trust, describing what it is and what it isn't, then he describes how it is foundational to all relationships from business to personal to organizational providing real life examples and helpful analogies along the way. From there Dr. Cloud explains how to assess if a person/ company/ church is trustworthy. The last part of the book deals with injuries to trust: how trust can become broken, how to repair broken trust, and how to know when to trust after a breach.
As humans, we will all encounter untrustworthy people, we will all experience broken trust, and we will inevitably hurt someone. This book offers wisdom for addressing these encounters in the healthiest way possible.

[Kenzie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dr. Henry Cloud always writes thought-provoking, useful guides to becoming your best self while creating healthy relationships, both romantic and platonic. As someone with PTSD which stems from an abusive relationship, I knew "Trust" was a must read.

This book takes you on a deep dive into the psychology of Trust. Well written and honest, with real-life examples, Dr. Cloud helps readers navigate the hurdles that may be preventing them from allowing connections with others from reaching their full potential.

[Kristen Evans · Rating 5 out of 5]

Clearly communicated. Practical. Thought provoking. Dr. Cloud has done it again!

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent read. I’m buying this for my own library and to give away to others - so many amazing insights and truths that have really helped me.

[Amanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m always struck with how well Dr. Henry Cloud communicates on a topic - this book was specifically on the topic of Trust, and it’s one that has implications for every person as it’s foundational to life. This book is well organized and factual with the right balance of real world stories to complement the science. It kept me engaged from beginning to end and I learned so much.

The book opens with defining what trust is and what it isn’t. It then moves through the five key areas of trust: understanding, motive, ability, character, and track record. It then walks through how to respond when trust is broken. His approach is very open and does not feel patronizing— which is nice as I think all people can identify or think of a time they let someone down. This section was helpful in recognizing that rebuilding is possible. As someone who has been betrayed, Dr Cloud points out that you can absolutely choose not to reengage and be completely justified in doing so. The whole section was very well done. Finally, the book covers how to spot and recognize untrustworthy people before they are able to break trust with you.

I really appreciated the insights Dr. Henry Cloud shares in this book, and absolutely recommend it to anyone working on self development, leadership team building, marriage, a complement to work in therapy, (or just being human).

A special thanks to Worthy Publishing and NetGalley for the ARC in exchange for my honest review. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

[Princess Matthew · Rating 5 out of 5]

For the past two years I have read at least one Dr. Cloud or Dr. Townsend book! && this one did not disappoint!!!

This book has left an indelible impression on me! Thankful for Dr.Cloud. Thankful I get to glean their wisdom via their easily digestible books! In my opinion this book leaves no stone unturned in the discussion of trust!

I am in love with his incorporation of scripture…. It shows me how sufficient and all encompassing God’s word is for his children!!! At the end he leaves the reader with Psalm 101 as a kind of parting gift— loved that.

I’d also recommend reading this alongside the audiobook- as he speaks it feels like you’re being gently guided through the principles!!

There is no one I wouldn’t recommend read this. I will continuously come back and remind myself of the things I have read.

What more can I ask for in a book?!!

5STARS! ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

[Jodie Pine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book with applications for life and work: how to be a trustworthy person, how to identify trustworthiness in others, how to repair trust when it's broken, and how to know when to trust again.

One of the most helpful chapters for me was on evidence of real change:
1. Admission of need
2. Verifiable involvement in a proven change process
3. A structured approach
4. Skilled help
5. New experience and skills
6. Self-sustaining motivation
7. The presence of support
8. Some evidence of change
9. Monitoring systems
10. If applicable, total transparency
11. Willingness to be questioned

[Karly Jo (Christian Booktuber) · Rating 5 out of 5]

5⭐️ so much great info in here!! biblical truths as a base backed with scientific studies of how to improve your life by how and when you give trust to others. i’d say this is required reading if your trust was broken, if you’re in a relationship, if you are a leader in the workplace, or want to grow and be a better person both for yourself and to others. took me a long time to read this but so much great info here!! highly recommend 👏🏼

[Analie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Pros: I liked how Dr. Cloud explained the different components of trust and gave thought-provoking questions to consider. It was also easy to read. Cons: Many of the examples related to business decisions, and his black and white approach didn't adequately capture how complicated personal relationships can feel.

[Landon Coleman · Rating 4 out of 5]

The book presents a helpful, workable framework for understanding trust, establishing trust, and repairing broken trust. The examples from business and counseling situations are lengthy and can be skimmed over or skipped entirely to get to the heart of the book. I wish there were a booklet version without the examples and stories because the framework is helpful.

[Charlene · Rating 5 out of 5]

FIVE STARS ⭐️ ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I knew this was going to be a five star read, as I read the author’s book on BOUNDARIES. This one on TRUST is beyond encouraging, so much so I had to purchase the book, midway through the audiobook. This is one I’ll be referring to for a very long time.

REQUIRED READING FOR SUCCESS IN TRUSTING PEOPLE

[Brennen Schmitt · Rating 4 out of 5]

this book is fantastic in helping develop a framework for trust. it gets a little drawn out but man, it was helpful in giving language to what we’ve all experience every day in trusting others.

[Jay Darcy · Rating 4 out of 5]

While I've read most of Dr. Cloud's books and appreciate the wisdom I've gleaned from them, I've found his writing style to have an arrogant voice that is off-putting to me. This book has a bit of that "I've got it all figured out, and the anecdotes I share are about people who are better off solely because of my guidance over their lives" air to it, and it made me roll my eyes a bit. I wish he had shared more about learning from his own failures and what they taught him about trust instead of mostly telling of other people's failures and how they succeeded because of his influence.

[Shannon Eaton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very insightful in the 5 attributes of trust in a specific relationship, whether personal, business, or community. How to think through and work through misplaced and broken trust. Am I the one who is the broken cog because of my childhood experiences that is causing the mistrust that is occurring? Well written and through a biblical lens.

[Kennedy Looper · Rating 5 out of 5]

BEST BOOK OF THE YEAR! I could go on and on. This book gave me language to how I feel secure, what I need for people, and to many situations that were happening real time in my life. Can’t recommend enough! Will read again!

Bring your highlighter and notebook because there is SO MUCH good stuff. Thank you Jesus for Dr. Cloud!!

[Lena Loves Books · Rating 5 out of 5]

Must Read for All Humans!!

Trust is something we all need help developing maintaining and repairing. This books walks thought the process in an easy comprehensive way. It includes great professional and personal experiences that every reader can relate to.

[Colt Foerch · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really good breakdown of common trust issues and how people operate. Comes to root issues of why there are breakdowns in relationships. Worth at least a one time run through to help mend personal struggles with trust in others (a tough problem in the church = relationships)

[Matt McElreath · Rating 5 out of 5]

A helpful read for any relationship. Understanding and applying the foundations of trust will strengthen our meaningful relationships and guard us from the ones that would be harmful to maintain or pursue.

[David S S. Reads · Rating 4 out of 5]

Forgiveness has to do with the past. Trust has to do with the future. Forgiveness cleans out the past so you can evaluate what you want to do with the future. Just because you forgive someone does not mean you trust them.

[Jennifer Utech · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent resource on building and rebuilding trust as well as recognizing what makes someone worthy (aka safe) to trust. Great discussion on forgiveness and how it differs from reconciliation. Second half of the book was strongest for dealing with relational betrayal.

[Synthia Salomon · Rating 4 out of 5]

five ingredients for trust: understanding, motive, ability, character, and track record.

[Sam Luce · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredibly helpful and insightful.

[Rich Stiglic · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good book but need to re-read it for individual tips. More like a text book. Some great advice.

[Ted Clouser · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book really impressed me. It helped me understand why people have trust issues and the best way to assess someone for trustworthiness.

[Christiana Johnson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This taught me so many things about trust that I didn’t know would be so helpful to everyday relationships, whether romantic, platonic, or professional. Recommend highly.