The Best of You: Break Free from Painful Patterns, Mend Your Past, and Discover Your True Self in God

by Alison Cook

How would your life change if you could show up as your true self?

Do you sometimes feel so stuck in an endless cycle of meeting everyone else’s needs and expectations that you lose sight of your own? You want to give the best of yourself to others. But what happens when people hurt or take advantage of you? What happens when life doesn’t go your way, despite your best efforts?

The Best of You reveals strategies to discover your true self, find your voice, set wise limits, and still be a loving person. For over twenty years, Dr. Alison Cook has brought together faith and psychology to help thousands of women reclaim their confidence, find their purpose, and develop the authentic connections they crave. Her unique wisdom will help you answer these tough questions:

How do I put a stop to painful patterns that keep recurring in my life?
How do I find my voice and speak up for myself?
What if other people respond with anger, blame, or a guilt trip?
How do I trust myself to make wise decisions even in difficult circumstances?

Genres: Nonfiction, Christian, Faith, Psychology, Mental Health, Christian Living, Counselling

240 pages, Kindle Edition

Published September 13, 2022

About the author

Hello!

I'm a psychologist, podcast host, and the author of three books, including my new book, I Shouldn't Feel This Way (Thomas Nelson 2024), The Best of You (Thomas Nelson 2022) and Boundaries for Your Soul (Thomas Nelson, 2018). For 20 years, I have helped women, ministry leaders, couples, and families:
—heal painful emotions,
—develop confidence from the inside out,
—set wise limits,
—forge healthy relationships, and
—fully live out their God-given potential.

I'm glad you're here!

Reviews

[Camden Morgante · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Envisioning the best of you is the starting point for becoming the woman God made you to become."

Dr. Alison Cook is a Christian psychologist who has quickly become a well-respected expert on the integration of faith and psychology. Her work focuses on emotional and spiritual health, drawing from experts like shame researcher Brene Brown, Internal Family Systems creator Richard Schwartz, and trauma therapist Aundi Kolber. Dr. Cook is gifted at translating complex psychological theories and concepts into easily understandable tips and steps for those beginning their journeys toward emotional health.

In her newest book, The Best of You, Dr. Cook aims to "teach you how to do the hard, beautiful work of becoming--and trusting--your truest, deepest self, in partnership with the God who made you."

The book is divided into four parts. Part 1: Uncover the Hidden You describes concepts like codependency and painful patterns. Part 2: Discover the Best of You includes finding your voice, setting boundaries, and trusting yourself. Part 3: Express the Best of You provides strategies on healing childhood wounds, finding authentic friendships, and healing your relationship with God. Part 4: Live the Best of You commissions readers into a vision of living out these new revelations in their relationships and identity.

This book is very clearly meant for Christian women. Dr. Cook specializes in the integration of psychology and Christianity. As someone who is both a Christian and a psychologist myself, I know how challenging it can be to write and share your ideas with an audience—on one side, you’re too “religious” and on the other side, you’re too “woke”, “liberal”, or “secular.” As I read, I could imagine readers on one side might be uncomfortable with Cook’s emphasis on agency, selfhood, and “becoming your best self”. Readers on the other side may be uncomfortable with the frequent references to God and Scripture. Yet readers who find themselves both open to the wisdom of psychology and grounded in Scripture and faith in God will find a perfect match in The Best of You.

Dr. Cook is most successful when she is deconstructing Christian platitudes with both reverence and deft. I cheered when Dr. Cook debunked Biblical phrases such as “turn the other cheek”, “honor your parents”, and “the heart is wicked and deceitful” in a way that both challenges traditional interpretations of those verses and honors their true intent. I gained the most from the sections on spiritual abuse and spiritual bypassing—a term I learned for the first time from Dr. Cook on social media.

I found myself nodding along and highlighting various sentences to share with my therapy clients (in fact, I have already recommended the book to a few of my clients). The Best of You is probably best for those with a beginner level of knowledge of psychology or those just starting their journey toward emotional health and boundaries. But for those who have spent some time in therapy and are further along in their healing, these concepts will be mostly a review. Dr. Cook offers a good introduction to concepts such as boundaries and codependency as well as some reflection questions to go deeper. The practical action steps and concrete guidance she provides will help readers put abstract psychological concepts into practice.

In Dr. Cook, we find a wise and safe guide who both validates the impact of confusing church messages and spiritual abuse while pointing us toward the One who can provide ultimate healing.

I received a free ARC through NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

[Beth Branstetter · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was truly like therapy in a book. Wow! I don’t know if it’s because of where I’m at in my life or I am just ready to be more of who God created me to be, but this book was exactly what I needed. Yes, it opened up old wounds I thought had been healed, but as I read and journaled the reflection questions at the end of each chapter, I can confidently say that it’s been worth it. This book was literally the tipping point for me on this healing journey, but I am excited to actually see that there is true HOPE in the journey. I can’t recommend this book enough if you’re ready to see who God created you to be.

[Caren · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has answered so many questions I’ve had about how to deal with difficult people and circumstances in life. How to best process overwhelming thoughts and emotions. How to be a better wife, better in my other relationships and to honor myself. While weaving scripture through it so eloquently you’ve shown me Gods way to be the best me. Thank you Dr. Alison!

[Roberta Petkute Brown · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am usually NOT a fan of “self help” books, but this one was really good

[Amanda Slatin · Rating 5 out of 5]

*****Alison Cook continues to come alongside each of us and support and encourage deep growth, healing of our wounded parts, strengthening our connections in community, creating ‘yes’ boundaries, and spurring each of us to become the healthiest versions of ourselves. Cook’s vulnerability in sharing parts of her own story, along with lessons she has learned from journeying with others, brings great clarity and discernment for our own lives. You don’t want to miss The Best of You, which launches this week!! It will have a transformational effect on your life as you surrender to your own journey and path. Alison Cook beautifully shares, “I have learned to value that vulnerability, not shove it aside. I now know how to turn toward myself to pay attention to the cues my body and soul are sending me...I can write a new story weaving together threads… of courage, of strength… I can open my palms wide up to the sky and say God it is you it is you who number is my days. I surrender to all that you are.” While I also wholeheartedly recommend Cook’s previous book Boundaries for Your Soul, this next book The Best of You, dives even deeper and asks fantastic reflective questions for each of us to dig deep, heal and live our most authentic, courageous, healthy and vibrant lives! Thanks for sharing and spurring us on our life journeys- deep joy and gratitude for Alison Cook’s The Best of You!!!!

[Clare · Rating 5 out of 5]

Where do I even start? This book pulled into reality the tension of recognizing the growth I have had in my life while also calling out the parts of me that are still desperately in need of healing. It made me brutally honest with painful parts of my past that I still function out of hurt from. She affirms wherever you are in the process of growing. Her visuals help honor who you are and the story we all carry. It's not a light read. As I read this book, I found it best to bring others into my thought process.

Out of all the "self-help" books I've read, this one is by far the best. The author combines science and the Bible to create compelling points while still being biblically grounded. She understands how we are supposed to reflect God's image. The last three chapters were the best, in my opinion. They wrapped up all the deep work that had taken place and kept the focus on your relationship with God above all. 

Although the focus is more on the female experience, I recommend this book to anyone. My advice would be to take it slowly, allowing yourself to be exposed, and then ask why that is the case. 

[Lori · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received an early edition of the electronic version of this book. I have a hard copy preordered as I enjoyed this book that much. It’s a book that needs to be read a little at a time, chapter by chapter, and savored. The author provided excellent questions for reflection at the end of each chapter. I hope to go back through the book (when I get the hard copy) and read more reflectively and journal my way through each chapter.

I am a person with a big personality and often have felt like it was a personal flaw. It was very encouraging to read this book and hear the author say that the life God has for me is not to mute my (big) personality, but to show up in my most authentic way. And to read (several times) that perfection is not the goal - in life or in parenting - was encouraging.

Dr. Cook’s book addresses who you are, what do you want, childhood wounds, developing authentic friendships, having healthy boundaries, and healing your relationship with God. The book is packed with wisdom and so much to consider. I know it is a book I will return to again and still glean new insights. I highly recommend this well-written and thoughtful book and recommend it for anyone looking to find the best of who they are and become their most authentic self.

[Angela Sexton · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was given to me by my counselor to read. I actually got a lot out of it and realized some pretty profound things, but when I got to chapter 10 and she began talking about how we relate to God, there were some red flags in her theology, which meant I had to take it down to a three star rating. That being said, as long as you keep your discernment sharp, it is still worth the read, especially if you are needing to dig into some emotional healing.

[Carey · Rating 5 out of 5]

To sum it up in one sentence, this book is excellent. Dr. Cook masterfully bridges psychotherapy and the Christian faith in a loving and accepting way backed by scriptural truths. Each chapter is an invitation to go into hard places while also feeling kindly supported by the words on each page. As a therapist, I appreciate the down to earth communication style and lack of psycho-babble which makes it an easy book to recommend to my Christian clients. The only thing I would change in the book is the women specific language. The author’s primary audience is women and its reflected in the book, but the content is so important for BOTH men and women.

[Wynne Elder · Rating 5 out of 5]

I know i'll go back to read this again & again. and take the reflection questions with me. it's like therapy in a book! it has reinforced so much that I learned through 1:1 trauma informed healing coaching. I 10/10 recommend anyone who wants to heal, and be the best version of themselves- get this book!!

[DT · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent book that is not just rooted in psychology, but also in Scripture in a meaningful and profound way.

This is the first book of its kind I’ve read where the author explains what “turning the other cheek” means and how it is not the same as letting people walk all over you.

This book can be life-changing if given to the right person.

[Whitney Wilson · Rating 5 out of 5]

“When Jesus said to turn the other cheek, he didn’t mean to invite more abuse. His message was much more subversive than that.” - p. 109

^ There will be several passages I reference from this book, but this one may win the “most often” award.

I so appreciate learning from Dr. Alison Cook. To have someone speak from the intersection of faith and psychology and do both with integrity is a gift! Thank you for the resource, Dr. Alison. “Envision the best of you in God” is a helpful, practical, playful, and hopeful roadmap - one I have already used since finishing the book and will keep practicing.

[Michelle O'Brien · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Best of You integrates faith and psychology in practical ways. Reading it is like going to therapy inside a book. There is so much valuable information packed in here, I could read this book multiple times and still gain new insights. Highly recommend!

[Sarah Buelow · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was definitely the target audience for this one, having grown up learning the dangers of selfishness and the glories of selflessness, having no room for any concept of selfhood. I mourn a bit that 20-years-ago me didn’t get this message, and probably wouldn’t have been ready for or listened to it anyway, but I’m so thankful for Cook’s work bringing it now.

[amelia · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book does a good job in the psychology department of working through childhood wounds that affect us today and how to find your voice that could have been lost. However, there aspects of her theology that I disagree with. Overall, this feels like good counseling in book but if you are a Christian be weary of how she relates it to God.

[Alyssa Shifra · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is EXCELLENT.

As a general Christian women's self-help book, "The Best of You" ticks all the boxes--warm, practical, encouraging, and deeply *helpful*. Dr. Alison Cook draws both from both personal stories and years of experience as a trained therapist to cover many of the most common areas where women struggle. At the heart of every conversation, Allison gently draws women back to a question many of us have never had the courage to ask: "What is it that *you* want?"

On the surface, that's a simple and obvious question--but it's one that many women (especially those within American Protestant/evangelical circles, I suspect) have difficulty answering. In an attempt to "take up our cross," "turn the other cheek," and avoid selfishness/pride, Dr. Cook describes how many of us have mistaken "selflessness" for not having a self, altogether. This particular misrepresentation of how Christ actually lived (and how the Bible teaches us to live) results in deeply unhealthy ways of relating to others--which in turn, often lead to anxiety, depression, and unhealthy coping mechanisms.

While Dr. Cook does a great job identifying problems, her focus--and clearly, her passion--is on helping her readers find healing and growth. She does not waste time over-analyzing or criticizing who is to blame when women internalize Christian messages in ways that lead to codependency, poor boundaries, spiritual bypassing and toxic positivity. (In this age of divisiveness, she probably could have sold more books--and controversy--had she taken that route!) Instead, Dr. Cook's clinical background gives her compelling stories from real-life women to share, and a talent for asking questions that cut straight to the heart of a matter. In fact, I found that the reflection/application questions at the end of each chapter were especially strong compared to other books I've read. (Having made their case in the bulk of a chapter, some authors will make the mistake of overwhelming a reader with too many questions to actually digest, or only offer low-quality, fluff questions that don't bring the material home.) Dr. Cook's writing clearly benefits from years of time spent listening to actual clients, and learning how to ask effective questions that prompt meaningful change.

Dr. Cook's advice is wise and familiarly grounded within the best practices of modern psychology, so there is probably nothing particularly ground-breaking about much of her content; and the book actually covers so many different relational situations, that I (personally) hit a point of emotional over-saturation around chapter 8. That said--the content is all *really good,* and the *way* it is articulated is even better. "The Best of You" feels like time spent sitting with the very best kind of therapist--someone who is wise, trustworthy, and deeply committed to helping you become the best version of yourself.

Thank you to the author and publisher for providing me with a digital copy of this book in exchange for my honest review. Dr. Cook--God bless you! and thank you so much for your work.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing book from Dr. Alison Cook. A definite must-read if you are someone tired of feeling hollow inside, feeling like you're missing something, feeling defeated in your growth or life in general.

Steps to becoming more of who you are meant to be are included in this book. It's written in such a way that you can work through it alone, but it would be so much more beneficial to work through with a small group of women who will come alongside each other with the goal of reaching the best that God has for each of you.

So many excellent quotes; I'll include just a few.

"If you are never taught how to develop— and trust —your own sense of self, you have no choice but to blindly trust other people. How can you possibly forge healthy relationships with others— if you don’t first understand how to show up as the person God made you to be?"

"The problem is that healing— whether it’s current heartaches or past wounds— is rarely a one-time event. Healing is a process, a practice, a way of becoming more of who you really are . It’s the work every single one of us has been given to do. It’s the work that I believe is at the center of God’s heart. Healing starts within us and flows out to our loved ones, our neighbors, and our world."

"I didn’t know I could develop what psychologists call agency— that I could heal, grow in assertiveness, and develop a strong sense of self. Instead, I second-guessed every thought, feeling, or longing inside of me. It felt wrong to listen to, let alone trust, my own instincts."

"For centuries, most women have been taught to accept a silent message. This message tells us, Disregard yourself for the sake of others."

"You discount every single thing your mind, your heart, and your body are telling you, because, after all, you were never taught to consider that you might hold the key to what’s missing."

"It’s hard to forge healthy relationships with others if you haven’t been taught that what you want and need matters."

"Sacrificing for others does not mean betraying yourself."

"You can’t heal what you don’t acknowledge. You can’t transform what you’ve pretended doesn’t exist. You don’t heal in the context of shame, criticism , or spiritual bypassing. You heal— and become your true self in God— in the context of safety, honesty, love, and compassion."

"...the voice of shame doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve done something wrong. The voice of shame might mean you’re doing something vulnerable, valuable, and brave."

"The truth is, it can seem easier to feel shame than grieve the reality of the support you needed but didn’t get."

There's so much more - I wish I had enough money to buy a copy for all my friends. It's that good.

I received an ARC; this is my honest review.

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book shares Alison’s heart for supporting and loving others who are on a journey to discover their best self. As a Christian therapist, she delivers her content in a kind and compassionate tone with continual reminders that we are not to feel shame for the “self” that exists due to negative beliefs and past trauma or wounding. She shows us how connecting with ourselves by naming and processing our feelings and becoming more self aware of our negative beliefs and patterns will support us in our growth toward our best self. She also shares the importance of our relationships to our growth and healing work.

Her message is extremely hopeful for her readers as she unveils truths from scripture as well as best practices from the mental health field that will guide the reader on their path to healing and wholeness. She does a fantastic job of sharing how our past wounds and trauma have impacted us and the negative patterns that we may have developed as a way of coping with our experiences as children. I especially love the steps she shares for healing these wounds and transforming these negative patterns, as well as the inclusion of clearly defining what is healthy and what is unhealthy for ourselves or what we may be experiencing with others.

What I especially appreciated about the book was the way Alison shares not only scripture but also ways that Jesus modeled the traits and behaviors that we need to be the best versions of ourselves that God created us to be. As a woman of faith, I appreciated that lens of truth.

Alison tackles many of the topics that are areas of difficulty for women as a gender, who have cultural expectations placed on them that negatively influence their beliefs about their identity. Alison gives us a glimpse of what our true self is and how it compares to our false self. She also gives suggestions for how we can connect more to ourselves to uncover our true self that may be in hiding, as we move toward becoming our best self. Women tend to struggle with boundaries, people pleasing, perfectionism, seeking approval, etc. and Alison gives us permission to break these patterns and shows us the freedom for our souls that will be the benefit. I found her included tools, reflections, scripts, and personal and client examples that Alison to be valuable and insightful.

I highly recommend the book to anyone who is seeking hope and healing and wants to become their best self!

[Andrew · Rating 5 out of 5]

In The Best of You, Alison Cook has written a book to help readers to break from their past and stepping into who you are supposed to be. She shared how she thought of this idea for the book when she experienced a hurt finger during Covid lockdown session. She described it as if her finger disconnected from her body. The day before she wrote about on her blog about learning to trust yourself. She has on average about 30,000 views. Later, she realized that she was having a stroke and there was a blood clot making its way to her brain while she was writing on her blog. She explained how this led to anxiety and a longing to write this book.



She begins by sharing the silent message women are faced with and how they are supposed disregard themselves for the sake of others. When we do this, we avoid, ignore, and skip over people and you treat them as if they aren’t important. We are sacrificing ourselves for others and we focus on other people and ignore our wants and desires. This will lead us down the path to bitterness and burnout and people pleasing. She explored Jesus and how he learned to say no and set boundaries. He said no to being on all the time, no to pleasing and performing, toxic behavior, no to bullies, and much more. He said yes to his purpose, asking for help, honoring his emotions, and choosing friends. She shared how women especially need to become who they are.


I would recommend this life changing book to anyone who is ready to become their very best version of themselves. She helped readers set boundaries, heal from emotional wounds, repairing your relationship with God, seeing yourself as God sees you, trusting yourself, and becoming authentic. This book is excellent to help women to become who God created them to me and its primary for them. But anyone can benefit. Everyone needs to be the best version of themselves. The lessons and the information presented in this book is very well written to assist us in becoming who we were meant to be.

[Cindy Fort · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a counselor, I loved this book! It would be a great resource for every woman coming into my office, and I might add it as a "must read" for them.

Dr. Cook has a way of pointing us back to God (the real God, not some fabricated false image) but without religiosity. She expertly shares psychological principles that help the reader discover why life isn't working at the moment and helps to connect to truths that help them realize their problems are NOT because of weak faith or a lack of faith. Even if you are not a Christian, her gentle guidance through the psychological landscape of boundary making and difficult relationships makes this book worth reading. I promise, you will not be "hit over the head with the Bible" within these pages!

It is written in a friendly, easy to understand manner, yet is packed with practical wisdom and encouragement. Even those who might have been hurt or endured abuse within the walls of a Christian church will be able to find a path to a renewed relationship with the God Who desires relationship with each of His creation and a path to healing their broken heart. By following the guidance in this book, a person will be able to strengthen their inner heart, embrace their emotions (even the hard ones), learn to not be taken advantage of, and to life one's voice confidently and courageously.

Reflection questions at the end of each chapter will help a person process the chapter's information and apply it to their life right now.

Overall, a breath of fresh air that offers hope for all who are stressed or wounded or discouraged. Don't delay, buy the book NOW.

[Sarah Damaska · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is for you if you have trouble answering the question of "What do I want?"
This book is for you if you have the sneaky suspicion that there's more to life, but you're not sure what to do about it.
This book is for you if have some unhealed wounds that you know you haven't fully dealt with.

There's a reason this book has been called 'therapy in a book'! I have underlined dozens of lines and stopped many, many times to just sit and think about what she has written. She is gentle and direct, honest and empathetic.

And her questions at the end of each chapter are profound. Often in books like this, I'll skim the reflection questions, or skip them all together. The often seem like they're just taking up space. But I can tell Dr. Alison has put a lot of time into these questions and they really personalize what I've been reading and have helped me visualize where I want to go.

Dr. Alison says that what we must do is the "holy work of healing". And as I read her words, I realize that that's what makes this book different from so many others in this genre. Only with Christ will we find true healing. Without Him, we can only get so far. But true healing is found as we root ourselves in Christ.

I would absolutely recommend this book. Mark it up and journal your thoughts. Talk to your counselor about it. Read it with a friend and talk through it. It will absolutely transform your life.

[Sarah Vint · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a woman who has been a follower of Jesus and in the church for a long time, I was refreshed to read Dr. Allison’s timely book . All of the factors she mentions in the book that encourage women to not show up as their true selves and instead serve at all costs, include the loss of themselves is damaging and harmful. I am passionate about this message reaching women in our churches today.

The quote below especially stood out to me.

"Jesus was no doormat. When Jesus said to "deny yourself," he understood the difference between denying your selfishness and denying your selfhood - your God-given, image-bearing self, which is your soul made to shine who God is through your life. Jesus claimed and protected his identity as God's beloved Son, which allowed him to heal people, transform lives, and ultimately change the course of history by his death and resurrection. His ultimate act of sacrifice was rooted in a rock-solid sense of who he was and whose he was. He gave up his life from a position of strength, rooted in a clarity of purpose. The example of Jesus is especially critical for women to understand, because we have been taught to sacrifice like he did, without also being taught to develop his strength. In order to love and lead others, you have to develop a strong sense of self."

[SHELLEY SINGH · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dr. Alison Cook’s new book, the best of you, is one of the best books I have read on healing and wholeness.
Real life is messy and most people have wounds from church, family, or cultures.
She is uniquely skilled at presenting the delicate balance of the pain of brokenness in humanity with gentle grace. She encourages the reader to navigate past trauma, shame, and co-dependency by using biblical concepts in the correct context. She tenderly grasps these topics with a gentle strength compelling the reader to process and heal from people pleasing and fortifying boundaries to truly shine as their authentic self.
This book helped to clarify biblical concepts which were used wrongfully in my life by unhealthy leaders and I appreciate her courage to validate women’s voices which have often been silenced into submission by families, cultures, and authorities.
Dr. Cook truly understands that relational connections heal with safe people, a healthy identity in God, and growth towards expressing your authentic self.
I know I will refer back to this rich resource full of life-giving wisdom in my journey of spiritual growth.
This book will nourish your soul, stir your heart and equip you with practical tools in your journey to wholeness.
Disclaimer: I received an early copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

[Rowena Day · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dr. Alison Cook is a deeply wise, humble and compassionate physician of the soul. She is like a modern day Moses leading people to greater emotional and spiritual freedom within themselves and within their relationships. She has done this for me and I deeply believe in her work. Her words help correct and realign unhelpful church messages that have been twisted and misrepresented yet widely believed and adopted in faith communities to the detriment of our souls. The chapter outlining the difference between selfishness, selflessness and opening up a third healthier category of selfhood is worth purchasing this book alone. She unpacks the real meaning of often misunderstood messages such as “deny yourself” and “turn the other cheek”. She helps identify what is within your boundaries of responsibility and how to break free of codependent tendencies. If you want to live your numbered days on earth from your core Self and break free of thought and relational patterns that entangle and confuse you - this book is for you. The clarity she provides will reset your inner compass, help you understand your wounds and offer hope and a path toward finding and experiencing healing.

[Ami Loper · Rating 4 out of 5]

Is life getting the best of you? Is it wearing you out and dragging you down? Are the painful cords of the past keeping you stuck?

What if, instead of life getting the best of you, you could begin to allow God to draw forth “the best of you” into the light?

Dr. Alison Cook’s book, “The Best of You,” helps you do just that. A Christian psychologist with a passion to see people live the lives God designed them for, Dr. Cook’s insights into the human mind and how it cooperates with the human spirit are transformative.

This book can help you find your voice, stop repeating self-destructive behavior, and help you do conflict with others in an honoring manner.

Are there drawbacks to this book? Yes. Two.

1. This book is theologically light. Instead of coming from the Bible through psychology to find Truth, Dr. Cook’s starting place is in her field of expertise, psychology. That can be problematic in a few areas.
2. This book is directed to women. I think most of the wisdom is transferable to men, but its primary goal is to give women a hand out of the cultural limitations in which they’ve found themselves.

[Marie Griffith · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve read a lot of books about becoming all you can be, healing from childhood wounds, stopping the codependency cycle, and learning to cultivate healthy relationships but this is the only one that talks about all of those topics and more. Dr. Alison Cook combines her knowledge of psychology, her counseling experience, and her faith in God and takes her readers on a journey to self-awareness and healthy relationships with ourselves, others, and God. She teaches us about trauma, how to avoid toxic relationships, and set firm boundaries. And she outlines the difference between selfishness, selfhood, and selflessness which can be unclear for people of faith.

I go back again and again to The Best of You as a resource as I guide others in their spiritual formation, through the stages of faith, and writing their stories.

Do you want a comprehensive guide to be the best you? To know yourself and God better? To stop painful patterns? To cultivate healthy relationships? This is the one to have on your nightstand today.

[Sarah Sambles · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a must read for Christian women who've been struggling with people-pleasing, guilt, boundaries ...

Dr. Alison Cook unpacks, unpicks and dismantles so many subtle misbeliefs we’ve been fed as Christian women. Misbeliefs that seem godly, biblical, nice and good, but actually keep us from honouring how God made us. She absolutely blew my mind by accurately naming so many of the Christian platitudes which deny, dismiss or diminish the reality of our negative experiences.

Dr. Cook presents a strong biblical basis for why we should take notice of our needs and get to know who we really are. She uses Jesus’ example to show what healthy selfhood is, and how it isn’t selfish. This isn’t a feminist, anti-church rant, it’s a thoughtful, godly framework for becoming the women God made us to be. Dr. Cook layers this with psychological wisdom that helps us understand and heal our bodies and souls.

This book will help you truly understand the you the world needs - in terms of your relationship with yourself, your relationship with others, and your relationship with God. If you, like me and most Christian women I know, struggle with knowing what you need, saying no or feeling confident, read this book.

[Stephanie S · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have followed Dr. Allison Cook for quite some time. I'd purchased her course on creating healthy boundaries for women. A former people pleaser, which stems from childhood trauma, I had needed to regain my confidence and voice. In The Best of You, Dr. Allison, as she is lovingly referred to, combines her over twenty years of experience as a board certified psychologist therapist and her love of the true teachings of Jesus, has written a book that will draw you in immediately and help you figure out how to become who you were before others: family members, peers, church leaders, etc. told you who to be.

Using real life examples, each chapter helps you see the unhealthy patterns that may be causing you to be anxious, depressed, or repressing emotions such as anger, sadness and frustration, which can manifest into physical pain. She combines Jesus' teachings and own actions with psychological understanding and therapeutical techniques.

Certain chapters offer you the reflective questions you need in order for you to figure out what is holding you back and she offers tools and suggestions for moving forward.

All of this is offered through a lens of compassion and kindness. You are not your anger. You are not your anxiety. You are a human who has been affected by life experiences and societal norms. Dr. Allison shows you the way out of unhappiness and into your true, authentic self.

[Kim · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dr. Cook's book The Best of You is an outstanding work of art! The author correlates scripture from the Bible along with scientific studies/facts, to create a symphony of information showing us how we can be our Best Selves! Dr. Cook displays a keen understanding of how we are to reflect the image of God in our daily lives, and how it should be our #1 priority in life to focus on our relationship with God, and then others.

I read this book after reading I Shouldn't Feel this Way and I found that this book gave me a lot of insight into areas in my own life where I need healing and growth to occur. Past hurts can overtake our lives and if we aren't careful, can infiltrate it like a disease. We must put in the daily work to work towards our individual healing, and have compassion and empathy for others as they worked through their own healing journey's, too.

Thank you to NetGalley and Thomas Nelson for a review copy of this book. All opinions are my own.

[MrsAintheLibrarywiththeCoffee · Rating 4 out of 5]

I appreciated most of this book! It is thought-provoking and therapeutic. I believe it will help me move forward in many ways. 😊

However, like others have said, I definitely don’t think she is careful enough in *parts* of chapter 10. For example, she starts out with a daughter needing healing from parents who sound immersed in something (like IBLP) and toxic mood swings. That’s understandable. But then she praises a pastor’s wife for finding her chief comfort among a group of agnostics. Big red flag there! 🚩🚩That lady definitely needed therapy AND a healthier Church body, not a group of agnostics who would try to further pull her away from God’s truth!

God’s truth doesn’t change, even if some parents and pastors mistreat it. I’m a Calvinist AND I agree that God wants us to take tangible steps forward as we humbly rely on Him.

See also:
—People Pleaser, Jinger Vuolo
—Found: God’s Will, John MacArthur
—Holiness, RC Sproul
—anything by the Apostle Paul