I Just Want My Pants Back

by David J. Rosen

Now a new MTV series, from acclaimed director and executive producer Doug Liman (“Mr. and Mrs. Smith, “Swingers,” “Go,” “The Bourne Identity”)

Jason Strider is a twentysomething young man with an English degree from an Ivy League university, a very small apartment in New York, a vapid job as a receptionist at a casting agency—and no particular idea what to do with his life. On most evenings he gets stoned and goes out, sometimes with his long-time best friend and wingman Tina and sometimes alone, if not to get laid then at least to get hammered enough to really regret it the next day and be late for work.
 
Then one night Jason has athletic, appliance-assisted intercourse with a cute girl named Jane—and ends up lending her his favorite Dickies jeans. Many unanswered e-mails and text messages later, he is reduced to the plaint “I just want my pants back.” How he does, in a most unexpected way, find those pants and how he is forced to face his immaturity—and mortality—are at the heart of this smart, raunchily comic and deeply affecting novel.

Genres: Fiction, Humor, Contemporary, Coming Of Age, New York, Modern, Comedy

240 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2007

Reviews

[kira · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is like a king-size Hershey bar with almonds: I devoured the whole thing in one sitting, even though by the end it wasn't doing much good for me -- but I just had to keep going. A guilty pleasure. Emphasis on the guilt. About on par with sitting around watching a Real World marathon on a Sunday afternoon... addictive and enjoyable, voyeuristic, requires very little thought, ultimately unproductive.

[Jules Vilmur · Rating 1 out of 5]

Actually, it feels wrong to say that I read this book, when what i actually did was read three pages and then toss it into the to-be-returned-to-the-library pile. And it's simple, really. You see, life is too short to read books by men who have bestowed pet names and alternate personalities upon to their genitals by page three.

[Kyli · Rating 1 out of 5]

My favorite part of this book was when the main character got thrown out of a bar and landed on the ground, in pain.

I don't even know how I got through this - I just kept waiting for there to be some humor or depth or meaning or ANYTHING, but there never was. I don't know why I expected much from a book with this title. The back of the book says "A seriocomic romp about a young man in the city in search of love, meaning, a good time, and a missing pair of pants." The thing is he's NEVER looking for love or meaning and he only mentions the missing pants a few times (same for the girl who took them, who never reappears - I expected her to at some point considering she was the reason for the title...)

Glad I bought it at a thrift store and didn't waste my money! It felt like I was watching The Real World which isn't surprising since the author has written for MTV. (I didn't realize that until I was half way through and hoping for a decent ending!)

[Erin · Rating 4 out of 5]

My roommate recommended this to me and I found the book at our library so I thought I'd give it a shot. When I first started reading this I was sure I wasn't the audience the author was writing for, namely because it seemed geared towards the men-folk...or man-boy folk as the case may be. Apparently it did start to grow on me as I read more since I dog eared several pages of quotes that made me giggle. I'll have to finish this review later and add them . All in all, it was a good book, not nearly as amazing as my roommate lead me to believe. I'm glad I didn't buy this book like I was tempted to do.

February is around the corner and my book is reeeeeallly overdue. I'm sorry Lewisville library! I'm finally adding those quotes to my review. I cut a lot of quotes because they just weren't that funny or required too much context. And one that still makes me giggle but I'm just not posting it. Sorry. Not sorry.

At work: "God, I was bored. Maybe I could slip out and get high and eat a wheel of cheese." p 50

"Whenever I'd tell someone I didn't drink coffee I'd get a look like I'd just said, 'Mmm, puppies, delicious!' in a PETA meeting." p 63

On writing or me when there's laundry to do: "I had sat down & opened my notebook a number of times--well, definitely twice--but before I could accomplish anything, I'd find something to distract me. A stray M&M. A shiny piece of metal. Nothing ever got done."

I'm not sure if those three quotes were worth all the late fees lol. Looking back, with the fines I'm in for, I probably could have bought this on Kindle or paperback and come out ahead lol.

[C · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is Sex and the City written by a guy. I think I was expecting more. He did so much drinking and drugs throughout the book, I think I blacked out and can't remember any of the good parts. I thought the book would be more fun and centered around trying to find his favorite pants, but it came up once in awhile he wanted his pants. The book really should have been titled, "I want my buzz back" because 90% of the book was him getting drunk and doing drugs.

[Erin · Rating 1 out of 5]

this book was well reviewed, but kind of sucked. it was filled with gratuitous sex, unnecessary drinking, a bar room brawl... not the best.

[Andrew Hicks · Rating 2 out of 5]

[DNF at 50 pages.]

This was a 70-cent trade paperback Goodwill impulse buy I tossed in the cart a few months back. And maybe you're like me - usually you have a stack of library titles waiting to be read, and it takes you forever to get to them all, and you have to take some of them back without ever reading them. But other times, it just happens to work out to where you finish your last library book and aren't going to be going to the library for a couple days. And in those rare occasions, that's when you root into your purchased books, which is really just a handful of ultra-cheap used curiosities.

So that's how I ended up reading the first 50 pages of I Just Want My Pants Back on the elliptical at the YMCA a couple mornings ago. And for that amount of time, in that setting, it was tolerable. Once I was off the cardio machine, reading this with my attention undivided, its massive flaws glared at me like I was in a bar at closing time when the ugly lights go on.

A blurb on the back cover of IJWMPB bills it as Bright Lights Big City meets young Woody Allen. And yeah, it's New Yorky, it's Jewy, it's packed with music references and one-liner dialogue that at least 50% of the time feels forced or falls flat or both.

Main character is a single dude in his mid-to-late 20s who parties and works a shit job and occasionally gets laid. Author Rosen somehow avoids the wolf-pack supporting cast of like-minded dudes - the best friend here is a girl who also parties her ass off, and there's a friend couple who's about to get married. And there's a mystery chick who the protagonist meets, goes home with, meets again, has another tryst with, and then disappears. Wearing his pants. Which he just wants back.

What happens next? I don't know. I went to the library, and the book went back in my closet. Soon it will go back to Goodwill.

[Susie]

I wanted to ask the following question but apparently the "Question" feature allows for only up to 421 characters. FIguring it 'character building" for me to edit myself (still trying to channel my inner Hemingway) - but even that didn't make it short enough, so i'll put it here and see if anyone else has read it and can comment on it. tx [s]

I saw an interview with David Rose on The Daily Show and while looking for his books, I came across David Rosen. I went from thinking "ooh, 'Bright Lights, Big City’ vibe" to "gee, this sounds vaguely like Tucker Max & 'I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell’"- Max holds a beer bong as if a scepter to the throne of vulgar lad lit. I wonder if anyone familiar with both saw any similarities?

I know the book came out long before "The Lego Movie" but a running joke in the film is that there is apparently but 1 t.v. show titled, "Where Are My Pants?" I have no doubt the writers of the movie knew that the pants gag is one of comedy's lowest hanging fruit.

[Will · Rating 3 out of 5]

Here is a very funny first novel -- a standard wise-ass in NY coming-of-age novel that is severely up to date. The characters text each other rather than calling, they read Pitchfork, they download all their music. So -- it could be insufferable or it could be great.

After 100 pages, I tired on the main character's Avenue A bar-hopping and spoiled-kid slacking, even though (because?) the author was obviously setting me up for a revelatory Big Ending. It comes, just as expected and with few surprises. It is satisfying, but it somehow wasn't all I wished it would be.

A funny, super-fast, super-today novel of booze and sex and cynicism and redemption. Pretty good? Better than that?

[Hobart · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is a Coming of Age novel by a would-be Nick Hornby. Frequently amusing, but fairly paint-by-numbers. There's virtually no plot point that couldn't be predicted the instant a character is introduced.

There are plenty of fun turns of phrase, and Rosen definitely has a knack for this thing--I just hope that next time out the story is as good as the writer telling it.

[Heleen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Hersenloos lezen, met een vleugje moraal op het einde. Aantal keren wel luidop gegniffeld.

[Stephanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

For my birthday we, a bunch of my friends and I, went out to eat in Springfield, and because it was my birthday we ended our lovely dinner of various fondues with a trip to the bookstore; Barnes and Noble to be exact. The husband took the kiddo to the play area (sometimes he can be nice and thoughtful) and I spent some quality time amongst the shelves. Of all the books that caught my eye that evening I Just Want My Pants Back caught my attention the most. I found a comfy seat and started reading it on my Nook, immediately I was entertained by the male voice (a character who reminded me a little of the guy in Ethan Hawke's The Hottest State and a little like the guy in The F***-Up with a hint of the chick in Diary of an Emotional Idiot) and I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it so much that I read about 70 pages before my friends and my husband and my kid found me.

This, of course, left me no choice, but to download the book (BN knew what they were doing when they allow people to start reading books for free...) and finish it, which I did the next day.

This book is chock full of pop culture references. There are so many that I could relate to that I had to look up the year the book was published, 2007, and, noted that David was definitely Millennial and all those books that said people born during 1976 were tail-end Gen X or old-ish Gen Y were closer to being right than I thought. That's all I could think about as I read this book...that, while I definitely didn't booze it up or do drugs or sleep with strangers at all, I totally knew this guy. I totally got how he was feeling and remembered when I felt behind everyone else my age. Actually, if I allow myself to think about it, I still do. He was reminiscing about the same lost youth/opportunities/friends et cetera...it was pretty sobering.

And, who knew that a book about a guy who gives away his favorite pair of pants during a hook-up, a book about a guy who goes out of his way to figure out ways to avoid talking to his good Mid-Western parents, a book about a guy who loses his temp job, almost messes up his friends' wedding (by the way I know people who definitely took their wedding a wee-bit too serious, much like this faux-yuppie couple), cusses, pops pills and gets so drunk and strung out that he throws up in a taxi could be sobering?

Anyway, I digress. This book was a lot of fun.While it is definitely not as well-written as Generation X: Tales for an Acclerated Culture and definitely won't define a whole generation of lost souls, I can totally see how it has described an era and a time that, whether I want to believe it or not, is long gone.

I guess there's a show on MTV, but I probably don't have to tell you hipcats that...maybe I'll watch it (just read that MTV canceled it so that means it must be good!), maybe I'll just revel in the fact that this book is a little bit like me and those I have known and leave it at that.

[Roberta · Rating 1 out of 5]

In a word … adolescent! While it did discuss getting his pants back a few times, it was mostly a monotonous ongoing description of him getting stoned on anything, high on pot, WAY too drunk (complete with the disgusting after-shock when one’s body must expel the poison all over the place—including graphic descriptions), and his ongoing attempts to get laid. Yes, I can relate to some of his experiences from my younger days, but really just didn’t find it that entertaining.

He would gladly skip doing laundry to go out drinking (and therefore wear dirty clothes for days on end), skip showering in order to only by 2.5 hours late to work (routinely), and blow off his good friends with little to no excuse. He was really surprised when he was laid off his job and offended by the smells of other people. Go figure!

Somehow, I didn’t find it entertaining to read about a loser who was an inconsiderate slob, with no indication that he might actually get his act together someday. Maybe it was just me. Either way, it was definitely not my style of entertainment in books! It was somewhat like when a person has too much to drink and thinks they are Oh-so clever / and, or Oh-so funny. Not so much, really.

Fortunately, it is a quick read and was easy to complete in just a few sessions! He did discuss some interesting music and musical artists (not an original idea by an author), and a few lines of the prose was delightful (“She smoothed the air with her hand…”). Overall, though, it was not a book that I can recommend in good conscience.

The final thought … I Just Want My Money Back!

[Les · Rating 2 out of 5]

The pants only play a minor role in the story, although I won't give away what happens with them. It is mostly the saga of an Ivy League grad who hasn't figured out what he wants to do with his life yet. So he works at a 3rd rate casting agency and spends his spare time drinking, drugging, puking, and trying to find women for "Lil' Petey." Things are marginally better by the end of the book, as he manages to follow through on a couple of things his friends were doubting he'd be able to.

The best parts were his tales from casting calls at the agency, such as:

Melinda never came back to the office, which meant I had to run the late-afternoon casting session. Toddlers for a Charmin commercial. After only about ten minutes I wanted to Krazy Glue the tip of my penis shut so that I'd never, ever impregnate anyone.

Kids were running around like they were on fire, crying, pulling each other's hair, spazzing out. Each one was trailed by a mother suckling another younger child, or perhaps, in their eyes, another "gold mine." These mothers were the worst, just the absolute worst. Their voices were so shrill they could pierce steel, the government should have considered employing them to sonically shoot down enemy planes from the sky ... I was ready to shoot heroin directly into my eyes.

[Liz · Rating 1 out of 5]

"I just want my pants back" The book looked to be humorous, so I added it to my new pile at the local library. As the saying goes, 'Don't judge a book by it's cover' proved to be correct. I found it pretty disgusting to tell the truth. The main character is a douche and if I ever met someone like that I'd throw me drink in his face.
From the book description it suggested "the shallow hero matures and makes readers care what happens" No no no. I don't care. the guy remains shallow and a douche and I honestly can't see him in any other way. This book was a waste of space on my side- table and didn't deserve the dust that laid on top of it.

[David · Rating 4 out of 5]

There are some good moments in this one. I do have to admit to being turned off a little by the whole "trying to become an adult in NYC" thing. It made it a little harder for me to get into the book, which isn't the book's fault at all. I've just read so many of those and I've started to tune them out. The book did become more individual though, more itself. That was much cooler for me. I kind of wanted a little more, but what I got was definitely still worth reading.

[Kristie Lanzotti · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting to get the guys point of view, brought me back to those days after college when the question of "what I wanted to do with my life" was still very elusive. The book really described what it is like to live in New York and be young, single and sometimes (often) clueless. Fabulous music references!

[Fran · Rating 3 out of 5]

i bought this book because of the title and cover. it's okay - narrated by this 20something dude that is trying to figure out what the hell to do with his life. he drinks too much, smokes too much, and has sexual relations with his fair share of weirdos. talks a lot about his penis, which is sort of weird - but the author has a fun, young, cynical voice. i'll definitely finish it.

[Michael Edwards · Rating 1 out of 5]

I find it amazing how books like these slip through the process and become published. It was written to be bland unimaginably, unreasonably boring and highly uninspiring. Style aside, the content itself was nauseating and sometimes downright pointless. Why, why, oh why, would anyone enjoy this book?

[Diana · Rating 5 out of 5]

this was wicked good fun, kinda like sex in the city but from a dude's point of view - definitely vivid imagery of new york city (and other things...) throughout. I so heart this book and may or may not want to marry the author.

[Allison · Rating 4 out of 5]

this was funny. i giggled a lot. out loud. on the subway.

[meredith · Rating 5 out of 5]

fun smart and sexy

[eb · Rating 2 out of 5]

NYC-dweller gets high, drunk, and laid. Passably entertaining lad lit for a long plane ride home from LA.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Easily read in one sitting...I picked it up because it was free, but it's so funny, it's worth buying. The main guy is Holden Caufieldesque, and brings charm & humor to the post college years limbo

[Allie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is fuck-funny!!! It's Stephen Colbert wit with a 20something edge.

[Samuel Bauer · Rating 1 out of 5]

Loathed

[Cayla Green · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book is garbage. It feels like reading the script for a reality TV show.

[Carmelo Galicia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh my days this book is so great! A must read if youre currently obsessing about living in New York and in your late twenties and likes to smoke weed! Im just kidding, but the story revolves around a character named Jason exactly just like what I mentioned earlier. The book was really a nice read, especially the fact that I bought this book in FullyBooked ATC Alabang for only 100 pesos! I know right, such a steal! And also the fact that its dated 2000s something I really find it interesting since im really in to 2000s stuffs. The reason why I bought this book because of its story and its comedy factor. As someone whos currently in to living in New York, you know I had to check out this book in the counter and read for so many months. It took me 1 month and 9 days to finish a 226 paged book. I know its long but for me who just started reading books like this its quite shockingly fast. I would like to read more of this types of books, you know relatable ones or the ones that matches my moodboard! This book is surprisingly good I thought there will be some hard and too much adulty words here but im telling you its not that deep and its really understandable. The book itself is easy to follow through though theres some times that I need to constantly understand whats happening. Overall it’s a nice book, very recommended to read if you want a book just to get a nostalgic feel of the year 2000s if youre from New York at that time, and if youre in to niche books I can proudly say that this book is into that category.

[Grant · Rating 2 out of 5]

I picked up this book because my yearly New Years resolution was coming up - “read more books”. Hoping to give myself an extra boost this time for 2022 I searched on google for quick easy reads for beginner adult readers. Scrolling through the suggestions I saw this book listed and realized I had a copy of it sitting on my dusty bookshelf. I decided that night to crack it open. Firstly, I want to thank the book for doing what I wanted it to do. Trampoline me into reading more. I now have a couple books on my tbr list and am excited to dig in. However, the book itself was just meh. I know not a great description. This is my first book I’ve read in years (I know horrible) and thus the first review in a long time so please cut me some slack. Overall an easy read but unfortunately I did not enjoy the main character. He’s a bit whiny and self-deprecating - not in the funny charismatic way. I thought he’d be more relatable but I find it hard to imagine who could relate to him. He also makes some unusual comments about women. One line where he compares a women’s stomach to the state of Kansas is imbedded in my brain forever and I hate David j Rosen for that. Side note - the story has okay side characters and his different friendships are somewhat enjoyable. Overall not bad just not good. Might of given 3 stars but the Kansas comment pulled me back down to 2.

[Jake Mizzi · Rating 3 out of 5]

Before reading this book, I had not read anything for 10 years. I have to admit that lately, I've been watching way too much Netflix. So this was the ideal book for my transition back into reading. It is for that reason only that I've given it a generous 3 star rating. Other than that, most of the events that happen until the last 3 chapters are pretty much the same loop with different women being the protagonist.

I was really disappointed that the story did not revolve at all around getting the pants back making the the title misleading and not in a positive way! I do not recommend this book if you are an experienced reader, I do recommend it if you're thinking of starting reading again and want to start with a light read.