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Trans Sex: A Guide for Adults
Does a post-vaginoplasty vagina have a G-spot? Why do some trans people find they enjoy anal sex more after testosterone? And can people with post-surgical vaginas experience vaginismus?
Written by renowned sex blogger and educator Kelvin Sparks, Trans Sex is the essential guide to sex and bodies for all trans, non-binary and intersex people. Covering everything from post-surgical anatomy and hormone replacement therapy to sex toys, kink and safe sex, this empowering and practical guide also explores desire, pleasure and arousal (and why these aren't the same thing), how to navigate sex and consent with other people, as well as the difficulties many trans people experience in relation to sex, such as dysphoria and violence.
Raw, honest and nothing like the sex education you received at school, this guide is here to help you on your journey to sexual discovery and fulfilment.
Written by renowned sex blogger and educator Kelvin Sparks, Trans Sex is the essential guide to sex and bodies for all trans, non-binary and intersex people. Covering everything from post-surgical anatomy and hormone replacement therapy to sex toys, kink and safe sex, this empowering and practical guide also explores desire, pleasure and arousal (and why these aren't the same thing), how to navigate sex and consent with other people, as well as the difficulties many trans people experience in relation to sex, such as dysphoria and violence.
Raw, honest and nothing like the sex education you received at school, this guide is here to help you on your journey to sexual discovery and fulfilment.
217 pages, Kindle Edition
First published November 21, 2022
8 people are currently reading
163 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews
April 23, 2023
This book was explicitly NOT written for me, a cis het woman, it's supposed to be for trans, non-binary, and intersex people - but I learned a lot about trans bodies and trans sexuality, and Sparks finds a suitable, accessible, sex-positive language to discuss anatomy and physical sensations. It's just an easy, well-researched, fact-based read that fights stigma and fear. The chapters focus on communication, safety, anatomy, toys, manual, vaginal and anal sex as well as kink - and it's interesting for people of all genders.
October 15, 2022
I received an ARC of this book and I’m leaving an honest review.
As someone who was never taught basic human anatomy, and as a nonbinary person with a lot of invasive questions that no one seems to want to share the answers to, everything I found in this book was extremely important and helpful.
I think this book can be useful not just to trans people, but to anyone as it covers a lot of topics and in broad ways, too. It’s a sex education guide that explores as much as it can, always making sure to include trans people in the narrative, too (also talking about their bodies and the ways they can change).
As someone who was never taught basic human anatomy, and as a nonbinary person with a lot of invasive questions that no one seems to want to share the answers to, everything I found in this book was extremely important and helpful.
I think this book can be useful not just to trans people, but to anyone as it covers a lot of topics and in broad ways, too. It’s a sex education guide that explores as much as it can, always making sure to include trans people in the narrative, too (also talking about their bodies and the ways they can change).
March 27, 2023
Trans Sex is the first book by Kelvin Sparks, a UK-based blogger who writes about sex, kink, and gender on his website https://kelvinsparks.com/. As other reviewers have noted, Trans Sex: A Guide for Adults is less of a how-to and more of a collection of sex education. I found the chapters that discussed post-op sensation for trans folks to be incredibly helpful. I also appreciated the other, more widely discussed, information about lube, kink, and safer sex. As a social worker who writes letters to support trans clients in accessing gender affirming care in the US, I am always looking for resources to better understand how these surgeries can affect my client's lives. I really appreciated the opportunity to learn about how HRT and different procedures can affect sex and sensitivity.
Thanks so much to Kelvin Sparks and Jessica Kingsley Publishers for this ARC through NetGalley! Trans Sex: A Guide for Adults is available as of November 2022 :) Definitely recommended for trans folks and for professionals (doctors, social workers) who work with the public.
Thanks so much to Kelvin Sparks and Jessica Kingsley Publishers for this ARC through NetGalley! Trans Sex: A Guide for Adults is available as of November 2022 :) Definitely recommended for trans folks and for professionals (doctors, social workers) who work with the public.
November 21, 2022
To start, I think there's a bit of a difference to "a guide for adults" and "nothing like the sex education you received at school." Even with the longer description, I was expecting a bit more... sex. Sex education focused on the action, the intrecacies! That's not to say there isn't some helpful, frank advice on different sex acts and ways of thinking and talking about, and having sex, but I do want to acknowledge the gap there.
After readjusting my expectations to think of this less as a "guide for adults [to have sex]" and more of "nothing like the sex education you received at school," I think this is a really important book that fills an incredibly important gap in comprehensive introduction to sex and sexuality literature. Sparks is easy to read, and does a solid job of not assuming that certain language or experiences are familiar to a reader—even if gender affirming surgeries, PrEP, kink, or anything else are familar to you, I do really think there's something helpful for any reader.
However, I did spend the first fourth or so of the book wondering if I, a trans kinky reader, was actually the audience for this book: I couldn't quite tell when Sparks was writing for a cis audience, versus a trans audience. I think he settles into a tone after walking through trans medical care that makes it clear that he's writing for any reader who happens to find TRANS SEX, but the first section took me longer to settle into. Perhaps that reflects my unfamiliarity with his work, but I'm glad I stuck around!
Thank you to NETGALLEY and Jessica Kingsley Publishers for an e-ARC of this book
After readjusting my expectations to think of this less as a "guide for adults [to have sex]" and more of "nothing like the sex education you received at school," I think this is a really important book that fills an incredibly important gap in comprehensive introduction to sex and sexuality literature. Sparks is easy to read, and does a solid job of not assuming that certain language or experiences are familiar to a reader—even if gender affirming surgeries, PrEP, kink, or anything else are familar to you, I do really think there's something helpful for any reader.
However, I did spend the first fourth or so of the book wondering if I, a trans kinky reader, was actually the audience for this book: I couldn't quite tell when Sparks was writing for a cis audience, versus a trans audience. I think he settles into a tone after walking through trans medical care that makes it clear that he's writing for any reader who happens to find TRANS SEX, but the first section took me longer to settle into. Perhaps that reflects my unfamiliarity with his work, but I'm glad I stuck around!
Thank you to NETGALLEY and Jessica Kingsley Publishers for an e-ARC of this book
August 20, 2022
This is great. It is refreshing to read a book like this which doesn't make any assumptions about which people have which body parts. I particularly love the phrasing of 'non-op' / 'post-op' to normalise different bodies.
If I had one TINY gripe it's that the kink section doesn't really include trans-specific info. I can see a political argument for that (kink is for everyone!) but it doesn't really fit with the rest of the book, which explicitly addresses the differences that might be relevant to trans folk (or people playing with trans folk) in each section.
Aside from that, I totally loved it - and am grateful for the extensive further reading list, and for the frequent reminders that terminology and science changes all the time, and that this book is part of an ongoing literature.
If I had one TINY gripe it's that the kink section doesn't really include trans-specific info. I can see a political argument for that (kink is for everyone!) but it doesn't really fit with the rest of the book, which explicitly addresses the differences that might be relevant to trans folk (or people playing with trans folk) in each section.
Aside from that, I totally loved it - and am grateful for the extensive further reading list, and for the frequent reminders that terminology and science changes all the time, and that this book is part of an ongoing literature.
August 22, 2022
This book is really an updated sex education guide that whilst marketed for Trans people, it is really for everyone. I really enjoy this read and although most of the information wasn't new to me it is a very comprehensive guide for anyone not just for non cisgender heterosexual people.
The book intends to address all areas and people it is a great starting point. I also think that this book will help a lot of people feel understood and validated.
I highly recommend this book for trans, enby and for anyone who just wants a more inclusive and comprehensive version of sex education.
The book intends to address all areas and people it is a great starting point. I also think that this book will help a lot of people feel understood and validated.
I highly recommend this book for trans, enby and for anyone who just wants a more inclusive and comprehensive version of sex education.
August 16, 2024
If you are trans or if you have a trans partner and you are looking to understand your body a bit more and get some general information and inspiration for sex, I would recommend this book. While it is not the most in depth book, it covers all the basics and covers most of the general experiences. Things which even after years of reading and learning about trans bodies, I hadn't discovered yet. This book gave me the confidence to discuss certain thoughts and feelings with my partner, and made it easier to understand my own experiences. Also a great place to send your friends with invasive questions about surgeries and how this affects you.
I thought especially the explanation on the different kinds of lube was extremely helpful. Not only what to look out for, but also what different types are good for and why. Lube is a very underrated tool for both cis and trans people, but especially trans people. And I loved how different types of birth control get discussed in combination with HRT. While most of us have probably encountered birth control in the past and know something about it, many doctors cannot answer questions about how it will affect existing hormone treatments. They cannot answer questions about how HRT will affect sex and being intimate with our partners.
Thank you so much for this eye opening book, and for giving me the confidence to explore and be open with my partner. And most of all, thank you for helping me realise that some things that I experience are just normal. Are just related to my anatomy, or to HRT, or to just being human. It's rare to find books and resources that include my body, so it was a welcome change to run into this book and actually find information I'm looking for with ease.
Would 100% recommend this to anyone with questions about the trans sexual experience. Be that for personal reasons or for educational reasons.
I thought especially the explanation on the different kinds of lube was extremely helpful. Not only what to look out for, but also what different types are good for and why. Lube is a very underrated tool for both cis and trans people, but especially trans people. And I loved how different types of birth control get discussed in combination with HRT. While most of us have probably encountered birth control in the past and know something about it, many doctors cannot answer questions about how it will affect existing hormone treatments. They cannot answer questions about how HRT will affect sex and being intimate with our partners.
Thank you so much for this eye opening book, and for giving me the confidence to explore and be open with my partner. And most of all, thank you for helping me realise that some things that I experience are just normal. Are just related to my anatomy, or to HRT, or to just being human. It's rare to find books and resources that include my body, so it was a welcome change to run into this book and actually find information I'm looking for with ease.
Would 100% recommend this to anyone with questions about the trans sexual experience. Be that for personal reasons or for educational reasons.
August 11, 2022
[Disclaimer: I received a free e-copy of this book from NetGalley in exchange for my honest & unbiased review.]
Although this book wasn’t entirely what I expected or hoped for, I still believe that it is incredibly valuable. As a non-binary individual whose sex life has definitely been impacted by gender dysphoria, I had hoped that this would be a primary focus of “Trans Sex.” In reality, the section on dysphoria is limited to approximately 1 page and provides general prompts or ideas with little exposition.
Instead, the bulk of this book explores what I would consider “basic adult sex education “— but with a more inclusive approach than any other book I have read. The definition of “sex” is broadened. Trans bodies (with and without medical transition) are considered. Lubrication, sex toys, and kink are all included in how to play safely. As someone who has professionally adapted sex education curricula for better LGBTQ+ inclusion, I loved to see this author providing the sex education that our community deserves but so rarely receives.
Unfortunately, my experience as a sex educator also meant that most of this book was a review. At this point in my own journey, I tend to choose books that offer an in-depth exploration of a specific technique or topic. “Trans Sex” is meant to be more of a primer; a sampling of topics that provides an overall well-rounded starting point.
That’s not to say that I didn’t learn anything though! The anal douching section was incredibly thorough and educational. I learned about the “authentic consent model” which is much more relatable than “enthusiastic consent” for me personally. And I really appreciated the short historical details, especially within the kink and BDSM sections. (I even made notes about who created the “Safe, Sane, Consensual” and “Risk-Aware Consensual Kink” frameworks, so that I can research those individuals later.)
There were also parts of “Trans Sex” that just made me feel understood and validated — which is equally important. For example, the author explicitly recognizes that chests can sometimes feel more gendered than genitalia, simply because it is a part of the body that is more easily visible in public life. Midori’s lovely idea of asking “How do you want to FEEL during a scene/sexual encounter?” was also included, which has been a game-changer in my complicated relationship with sex.
Overall, I would highly recommend this book; for trans folks, for their cis partners, for anyone who just wants a more inclusive and comprehensive version of sex ed than what we received in school. Even if you are beyond the need for a beginner's primer, I still believe that this book will be a valuable addition to your sexual repertoire.
Although this book wasn’t entirely what I expected or hoped for, I still believe that it is incredibly valuable. As a non-binary individual whose sex life has definitely been impacted by gender dysphoria, I had hoped that this would be a primary focus of “Trans Sex.” In reality, the section on dysphoria is limited to approximately 1 page and provides general prompts or ideas with little exposition.
Instead, the bulk of this book explores what I would consider “basic adult sex education “— but with a more inclusive approach than any other book I have read. The definition of “sex” is broadened. Trans bodies (with and without medical transition) are considered. Lubrication, sex toys, and kink are all included in how to play safely. As someone who has professionally adapted sex education curricula for better LGBTQ+ inclusion, I loved to see this author providing the sex education that our community deserves but so rarely receives.
Unfortunately, my experience as a sex educator also meant that most of this book was a review. At this point in my own journey, I tend to choose books that offer an in-depth exploration of a specific technique or topic. “Trans Sex” is meant to be more of a primer; a sampling of topics that provides an overall well-rounded starting point.
That’s not to say that I didn’t learn anything though! The anal douching section was incredibly thorough and educational. I learned about the “authentic consent model” which is much more relatable than “enthusiastic consent” for me personally. And I really appreciated the short historical details, especially within the kink and BDSM sections. (I even made notes about who created the “Safe, Sane, Consensual” and “Risk-Aware Consensual Kink” frameworks, so that I can research those individuals later.)
There were also parts of “Trans Sex” that just made me feel understood and validated — which is equally important. For example, the author explicitly recognizes that chests can sometimes feel more gendered than genitalia, simply because it is a part of the body that is more easily visible in public life. Midori’s lovely idea of asking “How do you want to FEEL during a scene/sexual encounter?” was also included, which has been a game-changer in my complicated relationship with sex.
Overall, I would highly recommend this book; for trans folks, for their cis partners, for anyone who just wants a more inclusive and comprehensive version of sex ed than what we received in school. Even if you are beyond the need for a beginner's primer, I still believe that this book will be a valuable addition to your sexual repertoire.
November 22, 2022
In "Trans Sex", Kelvin Sparks offers a detailed look at many topics related to human sexuality from a transinclusive, non-assuming perspective. With a holistic and educative focus, it sheds light on the way different body parts work when under different circumstances, without assuming at any point that they will belong to people who identify with this or that gender. The many different options for transitioning are covered, from both an anatomical and a hormonal point of view, and its effects on a wide range of topics (from how the post-op body works, to desire) are also described.
The book covers the concept of sex itself; the notion of safer sex, versus an ideal of (100%) safe sex; toys and gear; kink, and the different kinds of sex there are. Oral, vaginal, manual and grinding, and anal, are all covered in different chapters, and explained in ways that do not assume what body part, or what role, belongs to whom. One of the most meaningful concepts that this book covered, though, was the idea of authentic consent versus enthusiastic consent. Since the trans* comunity is at a uniquely high risk of all forms of violence, sexual violence included, I found this to be a really important concept both for trans* people themselves, and for potential sexual and/or romantic partners.
As the partner of a transmasc person, I loved having this book. Not only does it provide detailed information into how post-op transmasc bodies on HRT work, but it also provides deep insight into how the different ways to have sexual intercourse are like with such bodies. I was endlessly grateful to have found such a complete source of information that enables me to understand my partner's experience better, as well as to be able to learn quite a lot about how things are for him regarding sexuality. I would recommend this book to everyone, trans* or cis, since the teachings and consent-based lessons it delivers apply to all bodies, and all people.
The book covers the concept of sex itself; the notion of safer sex, versus an ideal of (100%) safe sex; toys and gear; kink, and the different kinds of sex there are. Oral, vaginal, manual and grinding, and anal, are all covered in different chapters, and explained in ways that do not assume what body part, or what role, belongs to whom. One of the most meaningful concepts that this book covered, though, was the idea of authentic consent versus enthusiastic consent. Since the trans* comunity is at a uniquely high risk of all forms of violence, sexual violence included, I found this to be a really important concept both for trans* people themselves, and for potential sexual and/or romantic partners.
As the partner of a transmasc person, I loved having this book. Not only does it provide detailed information into how post-op transmasc bodies on HRT work, but it also provides deep insight into how the different ways to have sexual intercourse are like with such bodies. I was endlessly grateful to have found such a complete source of information that enables me to understand my partner's experience better, as well as to be able to learn quite a lot about how things are for him regarding sexuality. I would recommend this book to everyone, trans* or cis, since the teachings and consent-based lessons it delivers apply to all bodies, and all people.
November 21, 2022
Transmasculine sex educator/blogger Kelvin Sparks has written the sex guide I’ve always wanted and didn’t know I needed. Trans Sex is a very good general guide to sex, including topics such as desire, consent, anatomy, safer sex, toys, kink, and some basic how-to guidance for different types of sex acts. All of this is written in a friendly and inclusive way, and while some of the material is specific to the transgender experience, much of the content would be helpful for any audience.
As someone who is queer/questioning and has a trans partner who is considering gender confirmation surgery, I got a lot out of this book. My only complaint is that I would have liked more detail in some areas, but this is a great place to start, and the author has included endnotes and a recommended reading list.
I was provided an unproofed ARC through NetGalley that I volunteered to review.
As someone who is queer/questioning and has a trans partner who is considering gender confirmation surgery, I got a lot out of this book. My only complaint is that I would have liked more detail in some areas, but this is a great place to start, and the author has included endnotes and a recommended reading list.
I was provided an unproofed ARC through NetGalley that I volunteered to review.
February 6, 2023
I would describe this as a practical introduction to the various changes that happen when taking hormones or after having trans affirming surgery and how that impacts how you have sex. On that basis it is excellent, the information is thorough, clear and easy to follow, useful for individuals, their partners and psychosexual therapists wishing to understand more. It is less good on the emotional aspect, for example it says in the opening chapter how important it is to be able to say what you want, ask for that and know that is ok. The way it is written you would expect there to be some idea of how you can talk about sex with a partner but it never materialises, although the author does reference Emily Nagoski's Come as you are which is excellent for this. As a practical guide it is great.
With thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.
With thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.
May 13, 2024
I think this book is an amazing tool for people who are new to transness and queerness. I would highly reccomend it to people who are looking to learn more about themselves and connect some dots regarding thier identity and sexuality. I also think it's an incredible book for cis partners of trans people and can answers a lot of the awkward questions that cis people are afraid to ask. I am someone who has done a fairly expansive knowledge of queer/sex theory so I personally found it to be a bit surface level, but I wish that I had found this earlier in my transition and exploration.
November 25, 2022
Trans Sex by Kelvin Sparks what have I just read!!! This book was so honest and nothing like the sex education you received at school all those years ago and it was aLong time ago!!!! This is a guide is here to help you on your journey to sexual discovery and fulfilment. It was an interesting book and something like this should be done at schools etc to help others understand what Trans Sex is about and help others who may feel different about themselves or others.
October 20, 2022
Given an e-ARC on Netgalley in exchange for an honest review // I loved this book! It talks about gender, sexuality, medically and socially transitioning, and transness in a very wholistic and educational manner. This book approaches every topic in a values-neutral way and meets the reader wherever they’re at. Absolutely lovely! A must-read
April 29, 2023
Really lovely book, more of an introduction to the topic than anything. Very thorough for what it is, prompting readers to think carefully on what they need and want from their own bodies as well as what forms desire might take. I especially appreciate the chapters on safe sex and toys and what the shape and use of those could mean for anyone.
November 6, 2023
This is a much needed nonfiction book that explain sex, and how sex affects the bodies when it come to trans people. Although this book is demographic towards trans people, I do think that this would an excellent resources for cis partners that want to learn more about the basics of sex with trans people. I recommend this book everyone.
August 3, 2025
Great foundational book on trans bodies and the need to know for safer trans sex. Kelvin doesn't treat anatomy as a strict binary but rather recognizes the differences between people, transgender or not!
December 27, 2022
An interesting and useful guide to sex for people of all anatomies and all identities
April 8, 2023
Essential reading esp for cis folks having sex with trans people.
Read
July 7, 2025🙊🙊
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but also
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November 3, 2022
Incredibly informative and interesting! Trans people are a demographic that are constantly forgotten about or ignored and going into this I knew shockingly little about how our own sexuality could work especially after hormones. This really helped me understand how HRT could change things for me as a trans man and also the experiences trans women could have and I'm infinitely lucky to have gotten a free copy of this from Netgalley!
Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews