What do you think?
Rate this book
Laid and Confused: Why We Tolerate Bad Sex and How to Stop
A refreshingly honest, deeply researched, and frequently hilarious deep-dive into the cultural crisis of bad sex, as one brave sex columnist recruits the counsel of coaches, psychologists, pro-dommes, and peers in the pursuit of pleasure.
Far more alarming than the millennial “sex recession"―the phenomenon of young people having less sex than previous generations―is that we’re in the middle of a bad sex epidemic that all generations are suffering from. Despite major advances in sex education, positivity, and technology, we haven’t moved the needle on better. We’re still quietly enduring unsatisfying sex, whether that’s resigning ourselves to the same three positions we secretly hate, or lying when our Bumble date asks if we’re “close” after fifteen seconds of oral. We’ve been trained to optimize everything, except our own pleasure.
For journalist Maria Yagoda, bad sex was her villain origin story. After going viral for a column calling out bad sex on her college campus, she launched a career as a sex columnist, earning a global following for her wit, vulnerability, and expertise in her popular VICE series, Sex Machina . But even as a professional sex writer, most of the sex she was having landed somewhere between passable and “huh.” In search of understanding, she consulted sex therapists, psychologists, dominatrixes and sex toy creators, as well as young people of all genders and sexualities, putting her own sex life on the line―from hiring a sex coach to attending a “masturbation meditation” Zoom seminar―in order to pave a new path forward.
In the vein of Come as You Are for the Trick Mirror audience, Laid and Confused presents a fresh, funny, and compassionate analysis of our current sexual moment, and offers research-based tools that will empower readers to craft the deeply pleasurable sex lives they deserve.
Far more alarming than the millennial “sex recession"―the phenomenon of young people having less sex than previous generations―is that we’re in the middle of a bad sex epidemic that all generations are suffering from. Despite major advances in sex education, positivity, and technology, we haven’t moved the needle on better. We’re still quietly enduring unsatisfying sex, whether that’s resigning ourselves to the same three positions we secretly hate, or lying when our Bumble date asks if we’re “close” after fifteen seconds of oral. We’ve been trained to optimize everything, except our own pleasure.
For journalist Maria Yagoda, bad sex was her villain origin story. After going viral for a column calling out bad sex on her college campus, she launched a career as a sex columnist, earning a global following for her wit, vulnerability, and expertise in her popular VICE series, Sex Machina . But even as a professional sex writer, most of the sex she was having landed somewhere between passable and “huh.” In search of understanding, she consulted sex therapists, psychologists, dominatrixes and sex toy creators, as well as young people of all genders and sexualities, putting her own sex life on the line―from hiring a sex coach to attending a “masturbation meditation” Zoom seminar―in order to pave a new path forward.
In the vein of Come as You Are for the Trick Mirror audience, Laid and Confused presents a fresh, funny, and compassionate analysis of our current sexual moment, and offers research-based tools that will empower readers to craft the deeply pleasurable sex lives they deserve.
256 pages, Hardcover
Published May 30, 2023
26 people are currently reading
2516 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 85 reviews
May 31, 2023
This was...okay. I want to get out of the way before anything else that this book does not have a lot of science in it. The book is compared to 'Come as You Are' which, while full of warm fuzzies, is still a book about science. Laid and Confused is a series of essay-style reflections on sex culture. It isn't a bad book- but I don't feel like it completely addresses the hypothesis and feels too heavily on being reflective or telling personal stories rather than really tackling the question.
That said, it also has a lot going for it, and I can see this being a great intro education for readers who may be approaching societal reflections on sex for the first time. For me, the book was too Gladwell- very focused on anecdotes. For others, I can see this being an eye-opener and just the right amount of personal.
Thanks so much to Macmillan and Goodreads for providing me with an ARC!
That said, it also has a lot going for it, and I can see this being a great intro education for readers who may be approaching societal reflections on sex for the first time. For me, the book was too Gladwell- very focused on anecdotes. For others, I can see this being an eye-opener and just the right amount of personal.
Thanks so much to Macmillan and Goodreads for providing me with an ARC!
September 23, 2023
This reads like untreated neuroticism blended with a 22 year old discovering boundaries for the first time. Regurgitating wisdom and research from others as profound when in reality it’s just kind of decent advice.
It’s fine. There’s a dozen other books that have done everything in here better though. Read Peggy Orenstein, Vanessa Marin, Nagoski, Esther Perel, and not only will you be better educated but you’ll save yourself a lot of eye rolls.
It’s fine. There’s a dozen other books that have done everything in here better though. Read Peggy Orenstein, Vanessa Marin, Nagoski, Esther Perel, and not only will you be better educated but you’ll save yourself a lot of eye rolls.
May 30, 2023
OK a lot of interesting thoughts on this one!
I enjoyed how honest and candid this book was while covering not only taboo subjects, but vulnerable feelings around these taboo subjects. In fact, most of what I got out of this book was an emotional validation or take away I think everyone could use. This book was a revelation in digging into the "why/how" of when sex feels gross, unfulfilling or icky, even if all parties were consensual and winning. I think it brings a perspective to sex that isn't only focused on "wellness" (yes, this is a direct subtweet at goop).
The author lines up chapters that truly focus on how sex and pleasure will always be more stressful. burdensome, and "meh" if it is solely focused on an end result.
Very cool to see a book lining up research and personal anecdotes that delve into the difficulty and sensuality behind pleasure. Recommended reading for all 20 something women, especially in the midst of a strange post-pandemic sexual landscape.
Thank you to NetGalley and St. Martin's Press for an e-copy of this book in exchange for an honest and thoughtful review!!
I enjoyed how honest and candid this book was while covering not only taboo subjects, but vulnerable feelings around these taboo subjects. In fact, most of what I got out of this book was an emotional validation or take away I think everyone could use. This book was a revelation in digging into the "why/how" of when sex feels gross, unfulfilling or icky, even if all parties were consensual and winning. I think it brings a perspective to sex that isn't only focused on "wellness" (yes, this is a direct subtweet at goop).
The author lines up chapters that truly focus on how sex and pleasure will always be more stressful. burdensome, and "meh" if it is solely focused on an end result.
Very cool to see a book lining up research and personal anecdotes that delve into the difficulty and sensuality behind pleasure. Recommended reading for all 20 something women, especially in the midst of a strange post-pandemic sexual landscape.
Thank you to NetGalley and St. Martin's Press for an e-copy of this book in exchange for an honest and thoughtful review!!
July 16, 2023
This was more of a book about what someone thinks, not really a researched book about bad sex or about any kind of research. Unfortunately.
September 26, 2024
have you ever wondered what would happen if you let a vice column stretch on for 220 pages
June 2, 2023
this is a non-fiction about factors contributing to the 'sex recession' we find ourselves in. Maria Yagoda pulls from studies about sexual education (and other associated topics), her own experience, and that of the people she's interviewed. the main message comes down to why do we, as a society/generation, continue to have unsatisfying sex and why don't we do anything to stop it? why are we taught in school and from religious institutions and within our families that pleasure is bad and sex is ONLY for a man's pleasure? why???!!! Yagoda does a great job discussing all of this and the implications for the lgbtq+ community as well. Overall, this was an interesting and informative read and I would definitely read from this author in the future!
thank you to the publisher for the advance copy. you can find this out in the world NOW!
thank you to the publisher for the advance copy. you can find this out in the world NOW!
March 18, 2025
Meh. I read this because I have my own stupid Bella Swan problems, but at least I'm not a sexless millennial trying to figure out why the internet and media have ruined everything while also doing a toy ad. Clitorises are important, and so is communication, but it's hard to communicate with anybody on the third date, Maria. This was also written in a chatty and fun style, but it wasn't really. I stuck with it, so I guess that's kind of an endorsement.
July 20, 2023
Meh - it’s more than just the anecdotal ramblings of Brooklyn hipster (I’ll concede that much), but there’s little here that feels like a deep dive into the topic. The author is a “sex columnist,” not an academic.
I don’t know. I just didn’t put it down feeling educated or enlightened.
I don’t know. I just didn’t put it down feeling educated or enlightened.
July 3, 2023
This was well-researched and clever, with lots of funny anecdotes. The problem was well-explored and thought-provoking, but I didn’t feel that the book provided the solutions it promised.
June 3, 2023
Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
My Selling Pitch:
Do you want a self-help book that’s more personal memoir than advice? Do you want your big takeaway message from a book to be to learn how to communicate, but the author writing the book doesn’t know how to communicate?
Pre-reading:
It’s the way I saw this title and cover and immediately requested this. Also, look at me adding to my nonfiction goal for the year.
Thick of it:
Oop, and it’s too real already.
I adore this author’s writing already. (This does not last.)
I feel like I’m gonna buy this book and that this may be one of the best nonfiction books that I’ll read this year. Also, it makes me very sad that girlypop said she couldn’t be pretty because I googled her and she’s so pretty! (Can you believe I said this and then wrote this scathing review? Lol.)
Oh god, this is tooo real holy shit.
Quotidian
We are the same even down to the circus music, holy fuck.
She said I’m an angry sad girly, and she came out swinging.
I think dating burnout is killing sex lives the most. Women are getting hurt too casually and too frequently to want to continue.
OK, the book is getting a little repetitive.
With this book‘s approach, it better touch on incel culture. (Sigh, one of its many blind spots.)
It feels like a lot of her bad sex comes from low self esteem-which tracks.
There’s a lot of self-deprecating humor in this and like I vibe with it, but also it takes away from the nonfiction research aspect. You know, we’re getting campy conversational, less academic.
Wow, that sticker one is fucking awful.
So help me god, if you bring up Bridgerton and don’t call it rape.
She didn’t call it rape. How dare you? I feel like that discredits her entire book. You’re so focused on the fact that they had penis-in-vagina sex and orgasmed, but you won’t talk about the fact that she literally raped him. Shame on you.
She’s losing the feminism for me now that she’s brought up Bridgerton and is attacking the Kardashians. We don’t have to tear other people down to get our points across.
Skims is shapewear. You didn’t even define it correctly.
I don’t think I entirely agree with that. I think you just need to teach children to be critical thinkers. Kendall Jenner is an advertisement. Her only job is to sell you things. You’re the one attributing morality to it.
I mean, I think this is good, but very obvious advice.
I’m gonna let this book finish because I’m only at 30%, but I think there is a clear lack of understanding that you can do all the self-work and then have trouble finding partners that meet your needs because the dating bar is in hell.
Languor
I think she’s really cheapening this book with the humor at this point. It’s coming across as desperate girl.
Again, this is great self-work if you’re starting in a dumpster fire. What if you’re past that? What’s the next step to finding good partners?
This has become more memoir than a self-help book or informational writing. I’m gonna have to check the genre that it’s advertised as, but this is a memoir.
They could be 0 cal. That would improve gushers.
I don’t know if I said where this book was sitting for me, but it really dropped from a five-star nonfiction in the introduction to three stars.
Also, I can’t believe that this is a book about bad sex that brings up Bridgerton and doesn’t talk about the fact that he didn’t want to cum in her and she forced him to. Like how? This book lost all credibility with me when it did that, and I’m still not over it because I’m bringing it up again.
None of these people sound like they’re ready for relationships. You’re duct-taping a shattered object and then continuing to whack it with a sledgehammer and expecting it to stay together. Why don’t you glue it back together first, give it a chance to dry, and stop hitting it with a hammer? And like crazy glue, no Elmer’s glue sticks.
Just like be alone for a bit. Fix yourself first.
Girl, do your laundry.
interoception
Oh my god, I cannot stand that actor. Miss Girl is really into trolling culture.
The popularity of choking is terrifying. Do not normalize it. I hate it so much. It’s just not kinky. Go to therapy. Correction- most people are not doing it in a kinky way. They’re doing it in a go to therapy way.
Again, it feels very irresponsible to me that you’re going to criticize 50 Shades’ portrayal of kink, (Which don’t get me wrong. It needs to be criticized. It’s fundamentally wrong.) but you’re not gonna address Bridgerton. Shame on you.
I don’t think that’s an inherently BDSM thing. I think you’re Pavlov dogging yourself. It’s like drinking alcohol out of specific glasses at specific events, or work uniforms.
Wow, that guilty feeling is way too real
Anyone’s yuck is someone else’s yum.
paucity
Not to be gross, but aren’t they designed to be cleaned by your dishwasher? I don’t know, I think half the unappeal of Fleshlights is that it’s a disembodied vagina. Don’t make it look like the anatomy part. Make it more about the sensations than the look of it, and I think it would get more users. Also, the name. (But I think there’s a move to rename them strokers.)
I would love to read the buzz book. I’m adding that to my list.
Oh my god, I think I’ve read the article about the alarm clock vibrator. My big takeaway from it was that girly pop was depressed af if sleep had that much of a chokehold on her. And oh look where we are 👀
Those little buddies are super expensive! Also, I don’t find them visually appealing.
The G spot isn’t real and I will die on this hill. (Until concrete evidence proves otherwise.)
There’s no spongy walnut texture. They have conclusively disproven this. I understand her little footnote makes an allowance, but she’s just spreading categorically wrong information, and that makes me very upset.
I feel like Homegirl has a major exhibitionist kink that she’s just not acknowledging or is in denial about.
I’m sorry who is this we that she’s talking about here? I’ve not convinced myself of this. I have different problems.
Girl, therapy. Why are you working to fix your sex life? You have much more pressing matters to fix if you can’t tell your landlord that your oven is broken. You’re starting with the hardest most nuanced relationships. You are setting yourself up to fail.
This book really started out as a five-star for me in the introduction, and it has plummeted all the way to a one-star. What research did you actually do? What qualifies you to speak on this? A big resounding nothing.
The more I hear about Sex and the City, the more I’m convinced that I need to watch it, and that I am in fact Samantha from Sex and the City.
I think that is the one useful statement from this book so far. The idea that saying no requires no explanation and then likening it to the idea of safe words is brilliant. Most people recognize that you can safe out and play stops immediately. You don’t have to justify why you’re safe wording. You don’t need to explain until later. That’s a very interesting concept to me.
This book is very frustrating because it’s the most bare-bones of things. These people aren’t capable of relationships. Of course they’re having bad sex. They can’t communicate with anyone. They’re depressed. They have no self-esteem. You need to fix all that first. And that’s like a duh. I don’t really think those people are picking up this book.
I think that exercise is idiotic. It’s not even grammatically correct, or however it’s formatted in this ARC, makes it unreadable.
This book is so goddamn repetitive. How is it not over? I am enduring this book.
I keep meaning to try a Dipsea story, but I really hate to listen to things aloud when people can overhear them, and I don’t love the feeling of headphones. God, I want to live alone.
Putting Bow Down on the TBR.
Why is it special? I think because there’s a permanent health risk to it. You know chances are a handshake is not gonna give me an illness forever. Sex could, so it’s a matter of trust. It asks for more inherent commitment from its participants.
immiserating
There’s got to be some middle ground between teaching sex appropriately and teaching first graders about sex. I feel like you should have to be able to read chapter books reliably before we teach you about orgasms. There’s too many predators, man. I’m always suspicious of anyone who wants to hang around children for their job.
I think that claim about the EPA is beyond a stretch.
Why is it that your safest moment involves tearing down other people? You need to fucking examine that before you keep going any further, ma’am.
I don’t think conjuring the picture of your friend before masturbating is a healthy exercise. I think you’re gonna end up forming some formation with it where you like need that stimulus in order to get off. People have that with porn categories. People have that with sleep routines. We are addictive, habit-forming little creatures.
So she said more on sexual violence later and then just never covered it. Cool.
Post-reading:
How a book can have an introduction that prompts a five-star prediction from me only to absolutely plummet over the course of the book to a one-star…
It is inappropriate for a sexual advice book to be this poorly researched and still claim to be a self-help or psychology book and not a memoir.
It is unfathomable to me that you can understand consent and healthy sexual relationships, and bring up Bridgerton and not talk about the fact that it’s rape. And that’s because the author doesn’t understand healthy relationships period, not even just sexual ones. When told to picture her happiest place as a therapeutic exercise, she pictured herself insulting other people. This is not someone you take advice from.
Additionally, this is a sexual health book that brings up the G spot and features a little aside that there are conflicting opinions about its existence, but doesn’t offer any facts behind this and continues to perpetuate the myth that it’s real. It’s just contributing to the spread of sexual misinformation. Meanwhile, the book itself rallies against the spread of misinformation and claims TikTok and the internet and lay peoples’ understanding of sex and relationships is infecting and harming the population at large. Where do you get off? (Actually, never mind. I read the book. You don’t get off.)
Her sources to me are absolutely wild. I don’t think you can be a proper academic or a critical reviewer of research and ever cite Gwyneth Paltrow as a reliable resource. Mentioning Masters and Johnson’s outdated study does not mean you properly researched this topic. Going on Patreon and hiring a dominatrix does not mean you properly researched this topic.
The author is more concerned about telling you her personal relationship to having bad sex, relaying her sexual exploits, and her attempts to go to therapy than actually offering any valuable advice or critical review of sexual research. It’s voyeuristic. It’s narcissistic. It’s disheartening. Throughout the book, she relays her and a handful of other people’s struggles in their relationships that all stem from poor self-esteem, an inability to communicate, and depression. I don’t know why this book is so hung up on attempts to fix sexual relationships when these people clearly aren’t ready to be in relationships to begin with. You have to fix yourself first.
Which I think that is ultimately what’s so frustrating to me about this book because I don’t think the people who don’t know how to communicate are the ones who are going to be picking up this book. Yet that is the only advice that this book rather helplessly offers: learn how to communicate, and you will start to have better sex. And this book doesn’t even want you to have deep and nuanced conversations. It merely wants you to be able to say yes and no in bed. Wild concept: if you can’t do that, you are not ready to have sex. I think it’s such a fundamental failure of the book to say bad communication is the only reason people are having bad sex. That’s just not true. There’s so much missing from this book’s discussion and coverage of the topic because so much time is spent making self-deprecating jokes rather than examining actual research. Don’t misunderstand me. There’s a time and place for humor. I love humor. I think all my reviews are snarky and conversational, but you can have this tone and still convey the information that you need to get across.
The book feels underdeveloped. It feels unfinished. It feels like a memoir. And the tone and the personalization would be fine if this was a memoir, but that’s not what it’s purporting to be. It is a book that is attempting to advise people that has no credibility.
And yet I don’t think she’s a bad author. I think she’s a bad author for this book. I don’t think she’s capable of being objective about educational information. I don’t think she’s capable of providing the advice that a self-help book needs. A self-help book should be evaluated as a how-to-do guide.
I think she could write the shit out of an angry, sad girl book. I want that from her. I want her to do a hell of a lot more self-work, introspection, and therapy before she tries to write self-help again.
Who should read this:
People who want to seem edgy for reading about sex but want to be rewarded for doing less than the bare minimum
Armchair psychologists
Do I want to reread this:
No
Similar books:
* Tomorrow Sex Will Be Good Again by Katherine Angel-nonfiction examination of consent culture that kinda argues against consent’s value
* Butts: A Backstory by Heather Radke-nonfiction that explores the history behind the sexualization of butts and different body standards, but gets derailed by the author’s personal bias
My Selling Pitch:
Do you want a self-help book that’s more personal memoir than advice? Do you want your big takeaway message from a book to be to learn how to communicate, but the author writing the book doesn’t know how to communicate?
Pre-reading:
It’s the way I saw this title and cover and immediately requested this. Also, look at me adding to my nonfiction goal for the year.
Thick of it:
Oop, and it’s too real already.
I adore this author’s writing already. (This does not last.)
I feel like I’m gonna buy this book and that this may be one of the best nonfiction books that I’ll read this year. Also, it makes me very sad that girlypop said she couldn’t be pretty because I googled her and she’s so pretty! (Can you believe I said this and then wrote this scathing review? Lol.)
Oh god, this is tooo real holy shit.
Quotidian
We are the same even down to the circus music, holy fuck.
She said I’m an angry sad girly, and she came out swinging.
I think dating burnout is killing sex lives the most. Women are getting hurt too casually and too frequently to want to continue.
OK, the book is getting a little repetitive.
With this book‘s approach, it better touch on incel culture. (Sigh, one of its many blind spots.)
It feels like a lot of her bad sex comes from low self esteem-which tracks.
There’s a lot of self-deprecating humor in this and like I vibe with it, but also it takes away from the nonfiction research aspect. You know, we’re getting campy conversational, less academic.
Wow, that sticker one is fucking awful.
So help me god, if you bring up Bridgerton and don’t call it rape.
She didn’t call it rape. How dare you? I feel like that discredits her entire book. You’re so focused on the fact that they had penis-in-vagina sex and orgasmed, but you won’t talk about the fact that she literally raped him. Shame on you.
She’s losing the feminism for me now that she’s brought up Bridgerton and is attacking the Kardashians. We don’t have to tear other people down to get our points across.
Skims is shapewear. You didn’t even define it correctly.
I don’t think I entirely agree with that. I think you just need to teach children to be critical thinkers. Kendall Jenner is an advertisement. Her only job is to sell you things. You’re the one attributing morality to it.
I mean, I think this is good, but very obvious advice.
I’m gonna let this book finish because I’m only at 30%, but I think there is a clear lack of understanding that you can do all the self-work and then have trouble finding partners that meet your needs because the dating bar is in hell.
Languor
I think she’s really cheapening this book with the humor at this point. It’s coming across as desperate girl.
Again, this is great self-work if you’re starting in a dumpster fire. What if you’re past that? What’s the next step to finding good partners?
This has become more memoir than a self-help book or informational writing. I’m gonna have to check the genre that it’s advertised as, but this is a memoir.
They could be 0 cal. That would improve gushers.
I don’t know if I said where this book was sitting for me, but it really dropped from a five-star nonfiction in the introduction to three stars.
Also, I can’t believe that this is a book about bad sex that brings up Bridgerton and doesn’t talk about the fact that he didn’t want to cum in her and she forced him to. Like how? This book lost all credibility with me when it did that, and I’m still not over it because I’m bringing it up again.
None of these people sound like they’re ready for relationships. You’re duct-taping a shattered object and then continuing to whack it with a sledgehammer and expecting it to stay together. Why don’t you glue it back together first, give it a chance to dry, and stop hitting it with a hammer? And like crazy glue, no Elmer’s glue sticks.
Just like be alone for a bit. Fix yourself first.
Girl, do your laundry.
interoception
Oh my god, I cannot stand that actor. Miss Girl is really into trolling culture.
The popularity of choking is terrifying. Do not normalize it. I hate it so much. It’s just not kinky. Go to therapy. Correction- most people are not doing it in a kinky way. They’re doing it in a go to therapy way.
Again, it feels very irresponsible to me that you’re going to criticize 50 Shades’ portrayal of kink, (Which don’t get me wrong. It needs to be criticized. It’s fundamentally wrong.) but you’re not gonna address Bridgerton. Shame on you.
I don’t think that’s an inherently BDSM thing. I think you’re Pavlov dogging yourself. It’s like drinking alcohol out of specific glasses at specific events, or work uniforms.
Wow, that guilty feeling is way too real
Anyone’s yuck is someone else’s yum.
paucity
Not to be gross, but aren’t they designed to be cleaned by your dishwasher? I don’t know, I think half the unappeal of Fleshlights is that it’s a disembodied vagina. Don’t make it look like the anatomy part. Make it more about the sensations than the look of it, and I think it would get more users. Also, the name. (But I think there’s a move to rename them strokers.)
I would love to read the buzz book. I’m adding that to my list.
Oh my god, I think I’ve read the article about the alarm clock vibrator. My big takeaway from it was that girly pop was depressed af if sleep had that much of a chokehold on her. And oh look where we are 👀
Those little buddies are super expensive! Also, I don’t find them visually appealing.
The G spot isn’t real and I will die on this hill. (Until concrete evidence proves otherwise.)
There’s no spongy walnut texture. They have conclusively disproven this. I understand her little footnote makes an allowance, but she’s just spreading categorically wrong information, and that makes me very upset.
I feel like Homegirl has a major exhibitionist kink that she’s just not acknowledging or is in denial about.
I’m sorry who is this we that she’s talking about here? I’ve not convinced myself of this. I have different problems.
Girl, therapy. Why are you working to fix your sex life? You have much more pressing matters to fix if you can’t tell your landlord that your oven is broken. You’re starting with the hardest most nuanced relationships. You are setting yourself up to fail.
This book really started out as a five-star for me in the introduction, and it has plummeted all the way to a one-star. What research did you actually do? What qualifies you to speak on this? A big resounding nothing.
The more I hear about Sex and the City, the more I’m convinced that I need to watch it, and that I am in fact Samantha from Sex and the City.
I think that is the one useful statement from this book so far. The idea that saying no requires no explanation and then likening it to the idea of safe words is brilliant. Most people recognize that you can safe out and play stops immediately. You don’t have to justify why you’re safe wording. You don’t need to explain until later. That’s a very interesting concept to me.
This book is very frustrating because it’s the most bare-bones of things. These people aren’t capable of relationships. Of course they’re having bad sex. They can’t communicate with anyone. They’re depressed. They have no self-esteem. You need to fix all that first. And that’s like a duh. I don’t really think those people are picking up this book.
I think that exercise is idiotic. It’s not even grammatically correct, or however it’s formatted in this ARC, makes it unreadable.
This book is so goddamn repetitive. How is it not over? I am enduring this book.
I keep meaning to try a Dipsea story, but I really hate to listen to things aloud when people can overhear them, and I don’t love the feeling of headphones. God, I want to live alone.
Putting Bow Down on the TBR.
Why is it special? I think because there’s a permanent health risk to it. You know chances are a handshake is not gonna give me an illness forever. Sex could, so it’s a matter of trust. It asks for more inherent commitment from its participants.
immiserating
There’s got to be some middle ground between teaching sex appropriately and teaching first graders about sex. I feel like you should have to be able to read chapter books reliably before we teach you about orgasms. There’s too many predators, man. I’m always suspicious of anyone who wants to hang around children for their job.
I think that claim about the EPA is beyond a stretch.
Why is it that your safest moment involves tearing down other people? You need to fucking examine that before you keep going any further, ma’am.
I don’t think conjuring the picture of your friend before masturbating is a healthy exercise. I think you’re gonna end up forming some formation with it where you like need that stimulus in order to get off. People have that with porn categories. People have that with sleep routines. We are addictive, habit-forming little creatures.
So she said more on sexual violence later and then just never covered it. Cool.
Post-reading:
How a book can have an introduction that prompts a five-star prediction from me only to absolutely plummet over the course of the book to a one-star…
It is inappropriate for a sexual advice book to be this poorly researched and still claim to be a self-help or psychology book and not a memoir.
It is unfathomable to me that you can understand consent and healthy sexual relationships, and bring up Bridgerton and not talk about the fact that it’s rape. And that’s because the author doesn’t understand healthy relationships period, not even just sexual ones. When told to picture her happiest place as a therapeutic exercise, she pictured herself insulting other people. This is not someone you take advice from.
Additionally, this is a sexual health book that brings up the G spot and features a little aside that there are conflicting opinions about its existence, but doesn’t offer any facts behind this and continues to perpetuate the myth that it’s real. It’s just contributing to the spread of sexual misinformation. Meanwhile, the book itself rallies against the spread of misinformation and claims TikTok and the internet and lay peoples’ understanding of sex and relationships is infecting and harming the population at large. Where do you get off? (Actually, never mind. I read the book. You don’t get off.)
Her sources to me are absolutely wild. I don’t think you can be a proper academic or a critical reviewer of research and ever cite Gwyneth Paltrow as a reliable resource. Mentioning Masters and Johnson’s outdated study does not mean you properly researched this topic. Going on Patreon and hiring a dominatrix does not mean you properly researched this topic.
The author is more concerned about telling you her personal relationship to having bad sex, relaying her sexual exploits, and her attempts to go to therapy than actually offering any valuable advice or critical review of sexual research. It’s voyeuristic. It’s narcissistic. It’s disheartening. Throughout the book, she relays her and a handful of other people’s struggles in their relationships that all stem from poor self-esteem, an inability to communicate, and depression. I don’t know why this book is so hung up on attempts to fix sexual relationships when these people clearly aren’t ready to be in relationships to begin with. You have to fix yourself first.
Which I think that is ultimately what’s so frustrating to me about this book because I don’t think the people who don’t know how to communicate are the ones who are going to be picking up this book. Yet that is the only advice that this book rather helplessly offers: learn how to communicate, and you will start to have better sex. And this book doesn’t even want you to have deep and nuanced conversations. It merely wants you to be able to say yes and no in bed. Wild concept: if you can’t do that, you are not ready to have sex. I think it’s such a fundamental failure of the book to say bad communication is the only reason people are having bad sex. That’s just not true. There’s so much missing from this book’s discussion and coverage of the topic because so much time is spent making self-deprecating jokes rather than examining actual research. Don’t misunderstand me. There’s a time and place for humor. I love humor. I think all my reviews are snarky and conversational, but you can have this tone and still convey the information that you need to get across.
The book feels underdeveloped. It feels unfinished. It feels like a memoir. And the tone and the personalization would be fine if this was a memoir, but that’s not what it’s purporting to be. It is a book that is attempting to advise people that has no credibility.
And yet I don’t think she’s a bad author. I think she’s a bad author for this book. I don’t think she’s capable of being objective about educational information. I don’t think she’s capable of providing the advice that a self-help book needs. A self-help book should be evaluated as a how-to-do guide.
I think she could write the shit out of an angry, sad girl book. I want that from her. I want her to do a hell of a lot more self-work, introspection, and therapy before she tries to write self-help again.
Who should read this:
People who want to seem edgy for reading about sex but want to be rewarded for doing less than the bare minimum
Armchair psychologists
Do I want to reread this:
No
Similar books:
* Tomorrow Sex Will Be Good Again by Katherine Angel-nonfiction examination of consent culture that kinda argues against consent’s value
* Butts: A Backstory by Heather Radke-nonfiction that explores the history behind the sexualization of butts and different body standards, but gets derailed by the author’s personal bias
March 19, 2024
Overall Grade: A-
Data and Personal Stories: A-
Writing: A
Best Aspect: A great self-help/memoir for women, especially younger generations.
Worst Aspect: Some stories were a little long and slowed the book down.
Recommend: Yes.
Data and Personal Stories: A-
Writing: A
Best Aspect: A great self-help/memoir for women, especially younger generations.
Worst Aspect: Some stories were a little long and slowed the book down.
Recommend: Yes.
April 10, 2024
This was *interesting*
Some of the main points related largely to why bad sex exists and there was limited discussion based on the title of why it's something people tolerate, beyond the chapter on communication.
I found more of the book was based on the authors own experiences and anecdotes, which gave a good insight, but it's still only one experience. Despite the quotes from people she interviewed, it felt like it should have been titled "why I tolerate bad sex" instead of "we."
Also mentioning That Sex Scene from Bridgerton's first season without calling it out as rape? 👀
Either way, this did seem more like something directed at people who wanted an initial insight into the topic rather than a specific study, and I'm not wholly mad about that.
Some of the main points related largely to why bad sex exists and there was limited discussion based on the title of why it's something people tolerate, beyond the chapter on communication.
I found more of the book was based on the authors own experiences and anecdotes, which gave a good insight, but it's still only one experience. Despite the quotes from people she interviewed, it felt like it should have been titled "why I tolerate bad sex" instead of "we."
Also mentioning That Sex Scene from Bridgerton's first season without calling it out as rape? 👀
Either way, this did seem more like something directed at people who wanted an initial insight into the topic rather than a specific study, and I'm not wholly mad about that.
May 29, 2023
This is a very open and honest book. It's refreshing to read a discussion on sex that's so positive. This book feels very conversational and I like that sections were largely anecdotal. Oftentimes when sex is talked about it's in vague terms and shrouded in loose implications so much so that it feels like an abstract concept. This book does a good job of grounding the reader in examples. However, at times I was taken out of the book by some of the asides or puns meant to be humorous. I felt like they were trying to engage me as the reader a bit too much and weren't my cup of tea. Overall, a great handling of a topic that should be discussed more often.
April 18, 2024
Such a good read about pleasure and how little everyone knows about communication and talking about sex in a way that is constructive and helpful! Definitely a little jumbled at times but had great points, solid research and blurbs from Real Life People
February 28, 2024
I expected this to be better. It was too focused on the authors mediocre personal experiences. I quickly lost interest. I was hoping for a more science or research based approach. 2 stars.
July 5, 2024
I am very appreciative of this book. I grew up in a high demand religion that viewed sex outside of marriage as second to murder, on top of that, I never had a sex-ed class, was preached abstinence every sunday, learned what sex was through porn etc. so obviously I have some deep rooted issues when it comes to sex. The author takes a diverse and well-researched approach to pleasure and provides a lot of helpful resources for people looking for the unfiltered and non-glamorized truth about sex and most importantly, how to communicate and listen to your body and others.
Read
August 23, 2025studying straight people’s sex lives like an anthropologist
September 29, 2024
Well, I am a bit bummed that this did not turn out as good as I was hoping. Like the anecdotes were nice, but I feel like we never got there?
August 5, 2023
Written with a sense of humor. Makes the topics very accessible. This was affirming for my younger self.
August 27, 2023
I recognize the inherent irony of finishing this after finishing Zizek but hey, I was irritable and curious for a light read.
It's fine. It's more of a book about the author kind of... blogging? And it's more about pointing people towards other resources more than actually saying a lot on its own. It has a use case and a reason to exist. It's fine.
It's fine. It's more of a book about the author kind of... blogging? And it's more about pointing people towards other resources more than actually saying a lot on its own. It has a use case and a reason to exist. It's fine.
September 8, 2023
Unfortunately I feel like anything critical I say will be dismissed because I'm a man, so I'd like to point out a few of the other Goodreads reviews which capture well the shortcomings of this book. Ultimately, it's a anecdote-heavy attempt at tackling a buzzy and compelling topic but without much more to go off of than the author's own escapades. I was pretty disillusioned from the moment the author said "I took a year off sex… during the pandemic." Not much of an accomplishment (for single people) in my mind. Ultimately, I think this book felt better suited for an extended article behind a paywall than a full book.
One specific gripe I must let be known to the world: at one point the author talks down to Gen-Zs. She says "For the infants reading this, AIM means AOL Instant Messenger" and then makes some quippy analogy. For an author who is so committed to inclusive language and made it a huge part of her deal to make a book for everyone… this is so patronizing. Maybe it's a personal quibble but I can't stand when people talk down to younger generations, having experienced it a lot myself. It's a weird way of standing on a high horse to no gain.
Plenty of other valid gripes in other reviews which I second.
One specific gripe I must let be known to the world: at one point the author talks down to Gen-Zs. She says "For the infants reading this, AIM means AOL Instant Messenger" and then makes some quippy analogy. For an author who is so committed to inclusive language and made it a huge part of her deal to make a book for everyone… this is so patronizing. Maybe it's a personal quibble but I can't stand when people talk down to younger generations, having experienced it a lot myself. It's a weird way of standing on a high horse to no gain.
Plenty of other valid gripes in other reviews which I second.
September 10, 2023
I randomly grabbed this at the Library not knowing what it was about. The Author's writing bored me but I found the topic very interesting. In my personal opinion I think social media has been damaging sex drives with mostly millennials and gen z
June 17, 2023
This book was one that I won in a Goodreads giveaway online. This is a book written by a sex columnist - therefore I was very surprised that it was so "meh".
In the introduction she says that the books is "a deep dive into the cultural crisis of bad sex" and questions "How and why could a sex expert (me) tolerate such consistently dreadful sex?" and "How come there are so many others suffering in silence?" She goes on to talk about itemizing the contents of the trash can in her bedroom while some fellow is laboring hard at arousing her and trying to excite her sexually. Yet she does not appear to be an active participant in the sexual encounter at all. She goes on to say that "It is legitimate to sleep with someone because they have good speakers, an amenity you've come to realize you require for watching the Captain Americas or any Chris Evans film", and sex has sort of just become a part of going to this man's house." WAIT, WHAT???? this is on page 10. I almost put the book down at that point - because obviously she and I have way different standards in place for how and why we have sex.
I continued to slog through the book - mostly because it was "meh". It did offer some basic suggestions about improving your sexual encounters. 1. See a sex therapist or sex coach. 2. Learn how to masturbate in a way that brings you pleasure so you can help teach/instruct your partner in what feels good for you. 3. Indulge in some toys - they can be fun individually or with a partner. 4.
Take a break from sex to focus on life and living and learning what it is you want in a sexual partner. 5. Take a break from technology (put down the phone, turn off the computer, turn off the tv) and reconnect with finding pleasure in nature, sleep and sensuality - which is not to be confused with sexuality (which I'm not sure how anyone could confuse the two - they are two totally different things that are sometimes combined. AND finally the most important one - 6. COMMUNICATE with your partner daily about all things, especially sex - so that when you aren't enjoying it - you can let your partner know why. And theoretically they won't become defensive and the sex will get better.
There were some parts I skipped over - like the BDSM stuff & the "kink" stuff - as they were not at all interesting to me, and definitely not a part of my sexual repertoire as a 60 year old married woman.
I don't think we needed 219 pages for these 6 tips - a few pages in a magazine article could have covered it.
But if you want lots of interesting conversations with random people - by all means purchase the book and read it in a public space - because the title definitely invites conversation and interest.
In the introduction she says that the books is "a deep dive into the cultural crisis of bad sex" and questions "How and why could a sex expert (me) tolerate such consistently dreadful sex?" and "How come there are so many others suffering in silence?" She goes on to talk about itemizing the contents of the trash can in her bedroom while some fellow is laboring hard at arousing her and trying to excite her sexually. Yet she does not appear to be an active participant in the sexual encounter at all. She goes on to say that "It is legitimate to sleep with someone because they have good speakers, an amenity you've come to realize you require for watching the Captain Americas or any Chris Evans film", and sex has sort of just become a part of going to this man's house." WAIT, WHAT???? this is on page 10. I almost put the book down at that point - because obviously she and I have way different standards in place for how and why we have sex.
I continued to slog through the book - mostly because it was "meh". It did offer some basic suggestions about improving your sexual encounters. 1. See a sex therapist or sex coach. 2. Learn how to masturbate in a way that brings you pleasure so you can help teach/instruct your partner in what feels good for you. 3. Indulge in some toys - they can be fun individually or with a partner. 4.
Take a break from sex to focus on life and living and learning what it is you want in a sexual partner. 5. Take a break from technology (put down the phone, turn off the computer, turn off the tv) and reconnect with finding pleasure in nature, sleep and sensuality - which is not to be confused with sexuality (which I'm not sure how anyone could confuse the two - they are two totally different things that are sometimes combined. AND finally the most important one - 6. COMMUNICATE with your partner daily about all things, especially sex - so that when you aren't enjoying it - you can let your partner know why. And theoretically they won't become defensive and the sex will get better.
There were some parts I skipped over - like the BDSM stuff & the "kink" stuff - as they were not at all interesting to me, and definitely not a part of my sexual repertoire as a 60 year old married woman.
I don't think we needed 219 pages for these 6 tips - a few pages in a magazine article could have covered it.
But if you want lots of interesting conversations with random people - by all means purchase the book and read it in a public space - because the title definitely invites conversation and interest.
July 24, 2023
Thank you to NetGalley, St Martin's Press, and MacMillian Audio for the ARC!
Did I derive pleasure from this book? No. Matter of fact, I actively cringed during some of the parts of the book where the author was making very poor choices. Yes, they were real choices that they made and they knew they needed to change... but then they didn't, and seemed to believe that was 'okay'.
The later chapters, where they explored consent, communication, and trying to become comfortable in their own body were actually quite good. But so much of this book could boil down to those later chapters. Communicate, learn to become comfortable with your own body, and consent. Could we have just started with that? Or even the hopeful tone of the last chapter right up front? Did we have to go through the 'character building' of the author struggling through 'bad sex' as if it were necessary?
This felt half memoir, half self help and I really would have preferred more of the latter.
Also, I had the audiobook, and I understand it's often good to have the author read their own book, but uh... their voice didn't hit my ears well. I had to force myself to listen, especially when they were going over their "I was having bad sex and I didn't know *why*." sections. I would have gone with a professional narrator for this one.
A lot of great books on sexual relations out there, and I wouldn't recommend this one.
Did I derive pleasure from this book? No. Matter of fact, I actively cringed during some of the parts of the book where the author was making very poor choices. Yes, they were real choices that they made and they knew they needed to change... but then they didn't, and seemed to believe that was 'okay'.
The later chapters, where they explored consent, communication, and trying to become comfortable in their own body were actually quite good. But so much of this book could boil down to those later chapters. Communicate, learn to become comfortable with your own body, and consent. Could we have just started with that? Or even the hopeful tone of the last chapter right up front? Did we have to go through the 'character building' of the author struggling through 'bad sex' as if it were necessary?
This felt half memoir, half self help and I really would have preferred more of the latter.
Also, I had the audiobook, and I understand it's often good to have the author read their own book, but uh... their voice didn't hit my ears well. I had to force myself to listen, especially when they were going over their "I was having bad sex and I didn't know *why*." sections. I would have gone with a professional narrator for this one.
A lot of great books on sexual relations out there, and I wouldn't recommend this one.
August 15, 2023
Well she's got the "confused" part right. Instead of spending so much time on this tedious, deeply narcissistic memoir, she should have read The Case Against the Sexual Revolution: A New Guide to Sex in the 21st Century by Louise Perry, which would have cleared up her confusion right quick.
Also, if you're really interested in the question of why some women are willing participants in sex that isn't necessarily satisfying, read Cindy Meston's excellent Why Women Have Sex: Understanding Sexual Motivation from Adventure to Revenge or Jared Diamond's Why Is Sex Fun? The Evolution of Human Sexuality.
Also, if you're really interested in the question of why some women are willing participants in sex that isn't necessarily satisfying, read Cindy Meston's excellent Why Women Have Sex: Understanding Sexual Motivation from Adventure to Revenge or Jared Diamond's Why Is Sex Fun? The Evolution of Human Sexuality.
July 25, 2023
If you are new to books about sex, this could potentially be a good one. Unfortunately, this book was more essay-based and on factual evidence. It wasn't terrible but it also wasn't for me.
Thank you to #NetGalley and St. Martin'sPress for the ARC in exchange for an honest review. The above opinions are my own.
Thank you to #NetGalley and St. Martin'sPress for the ARC in exchange for an honest review. The above opinions are my own.
October 7, 2024
To start, it's important to mention that I just celebrated 13 years of a healthy marriage, and I'm very proud of the relationship and family I've built with my husband. He's not bad at anything. Even so, I like to read educational books to help us continually progress in all aspects of our parenting and marriage. I usually use our anniversary as a marker to find a book to help us find new methods of communication, including in the bedroom, and this book was recommended to me by the librarian.
Frankly, this book lacked educational value. The author came across as immature, hopped between unstable relationships, and seemed self-absorbed in her pursuit of "knowledge." I think that's a huge pitfall in failed marriages and relationships - you're more concerned about yourself instead of equally trying to make the other person happy, in any aspect.
This book was more akin to a trashy magazine than a helpful guide. I found myself skipping several chapters in hopes of finding ANYTHING that would be beneficial to a couple in a healthy relationship. ANYTHING that might guide couples through communicating better (spoiler alert: there wasn't really anything. Don't waste your time when there are so many helpful books available).
Furthermore, I was extremely disturbed that she supported a sex Ed teacher who taught first graders about masturbation. WHAT?!!?? MY husband is a doctor, so human anatomy and anatomically correct terms are part of normal conversation in our home. My eldest daughter took a sex ed course last year, and has open discussions with both my husband and I. My younger two children are a bit young for a formal discussion, but we openly answer questions they ask and do our best to prepare all our children against grooming or sexual assault that may occur in the future.
I would NEVER be okay with a teacher telling my prepubescent 6yo about masturbation, and certainly not by showing a cartoon. I'm relieved that the teacher was removed and that parents found this revolting. I think he's very fortunate that a lawsuit didn't follow.
Personal opinions about masturbation aside, innocence should be given by children, not taken (THIS is where consent should start). Children ask questions and give very distinct reactions to answers that indicate whether they are ready for more information. This is why it's important to answer questions openly, but while also reading your child's cues to find out whether they want to know more or if they've already absorbed as much as they're able to understand and absorb. Eli Hardwood explains this so well in her book Raising Securely Attached Kids. This isn't about sex shaming or being overprotective, it's about giving our children appropriate information at appropriate times.
To conclude, I think intimate advice should be delivered with appropriate resources with a level of maturity this author is clearly incapable of. And she should be kept far away from children.
Frankly, this book lacked educational value. The author came across as immature, hopped between unstable relationships, and seemed self-absorbed in her pursuit of "knowledge." I think that's a huge pitfall in failed marriages and relationships - you're more concerned about yourself instead of equally trying to make the other person happy, in any aspect.
This book was more akin to a trashy magazine than a helpful guide. I found myself skipping several chapters in hopes of finding ANYTHING that would be beneficial to a couple in a healthy relationship. ANYTHING that might guide couples through communicating better (spoiler alert: there wasn't really anything. Don't waste your time when there are so many helpful books available).
Furthermore, I was extremely disturbed that she supported a sex Ed teacher who taught first graders about masturbation. WHAT?!!?? MY husband is a doctor, so human anatomy and anatomically correct terms are part of normal conversation in our home. My eldest daughter took a sex ed course last year, and has open discussions with both my husband and I. My younger two children are a bit young for a formal discussion, but we openly answer questions they ask and do our best to prepare all our children against grooming or sexual assault that may occur in the future.
I would NEVER be okay with a teacher telling my prepubescent 6yo about masturbation, and certainly not by showing a cartoon. I'm relieved that the teacher was removed and that parents found this revolting. I think he's very fortunate that a lawsuit didn't follow.
Personal opinions about masturbation aside, innocence should be given by children, not taken (THIS is where consent should start). Children ask questions and give very distinct reactions to answers that indicate whether they are ready for more information. This is why it's important to answer questions openly, but while also reading your child's cues to find out whether they want to know more or if they've already absorbed as much as they're able to understand and absorb. Eli Hardwood explains this so well in her book Raising Securely Attached Kids. This isn't about sex shaming or being overprotective, it's about giving our children appropriate information at appropriate times.
To conclude, I think intimate advice should be delivered with appropriate resources with a level of maturity this author is clearly incapable of. And she should be kept far away from children.
April 29, 2023
This is a super solid 4 star read for me. The information and ideas conveyed in this book are incredibly eye-opening. This is my favorite type of non-fiction - where the author uses their own story to explain the information. This is a mix of informative and also personal narrative.
I especially loved the commentary on the long-lasting impacts of not including conversations about pleasure in sex-ed courses.
"When we marginalize pleasure from sex education, we cement lifelong body shame and difficulty asserting sexual autonomy. How can we say yes to what we love and no to what we don’t if we haven’t learned how? Even first-graders grow up to be sexually active adults, who— if they’ve learned to feel shame or ambivalence about the pleasure in their own bodies— have horrible sex, again and again."
I only have two small complaints. The first being that the chapters are way too long. Or at least for me they felt very very long. The other complaint that I think will bother other people are all of the pop-culture references. At times it definitely felt like the author was trying a bit too hard to be "cool and relevant". This took me out of the book. I think the intention was for this to be an informative, helpful and validating collection of information. But then I would read a mention of Beyonce and be thrown off. It definitely minimizes the impact.
But those complaints don't dull my belief that this book will be super helpful for so many! I am going to recommend this book to so many people. As a therapist, I can already think of so many clients who would benefit from this book. As someone who is involved in non-profit efforts focused on creating a culture of consent I can't wait to share this book with everyone else I know involved in this work. As just a person who has sex I have already mentioned some of the things in this book to my husband for us to try.
Thank you to Netgalley and St. Martin's Press for an advanced copy in exchange for my honest review.
I especially loved the commentary on the long-lasting impacts of not including conversations about pleasure in sex-ed courses.
"When we marginalize pleasure from sex education, we cement lifelong body shame and difficulty asserting sexual autonomy. How can we say yes to what we love and no to what we don’t if we haven’t learned how? Even first-graders grow up to be sexually active adults, who— if they’ve learned to feel shame or ambivalence about the pleasure in their own bodies— have horrible sex, again and again."
I only have two small complaints. The first being that the chapters are way too long. Or at least for me they felt very very long. The other complaint that I think will bother other people are all of the pop-culture references. At times it definitely felt like the author was trying a bit too hard to be "cool and relevant". This took me out of the book. I think the intention was for this to be an informative, helpful and validating collection of information. But then I would read a mention of Beyonce and be thrown off. It definitely minimizes the impact.
But those complaints don't dull my belief that this book will be super helpful for so many! I am going to recommend this book to so many people. As a therapist, I can already think of so many clients who would benefit from this book. As someone who is involved in non-profit efforts focused on creating a culture of consent I can't wait to share this book with everyone else I know involved in this work. As just a person who has sex I have already mentioned some of the things in this book to my husband for us to try.
Thank you to Netgalley and St. Martin's Press for an advanced copy in exchange for my honest review.
June 8, 2023
🩵💛 Laid and Confused Review 💛🩵
Thank you so much to Maria Yagoda and St Martins Press for the opportunity to read and review this book!
Laid and Confused is a nonfiction read that discusses why we tolerate bad sex and analyzes what we can do to stop. Maria has taken scientific evidence and research, her own experiences and testimonials from others to fully review all aspects of why bedroom shenanigans aren’t as great as they could be
This book was such an interesting read!! First of all, the inclusion in this book is amazing - everything discussed in this book revolves around LGTBQIA+ friendly terminology - and is written in a way that people of any identity, physical ability and orientation can benefit
This book covers SO many different topics - common causes of sexual burnout, the destructiveness of purity culture, “self care”, BDSM, toys and just general discussions on how to be more present within your own body. My only fault with this book was that it often reads more like a memoir than an educational nonfiction and that caused it to feel a little tedious sometimes. I also found that it wasn’t fully inclusive to include people who are parents and have experienced bodily changes through pregnancy that result in changing desires.
Overall this was a four star read for me! I had a good time with this book, even if it felt tedious at times. Even though this book discusses smexy times constantly, it’s done in a professional and respectful manner so no rating for spice will be given
Honestly, I would recommend this book to everyone who is potentially active in bedroom activities. Whether you have a partner(s) or are flying solo, I believe that everyone has the potential to be more aware of themselves and their needs.
Thank you so much to Maria Yagoda and St Martins Press for the opportunity to read and review this book!
Laid and Confused is a nonfiction read that discusses why we tolerate bad sex and analyzes what we can do to stop. Maria has taken scientific evidence and research, her own experiences and testimonials from others to fully review all aspects of why bedroom shenanigans aren’t as great as they could be
This book was such an interesting read!! First of all, the inclusion in this book is amazing - everything discussed in this book revolves around LGTBQIA+ friendly terminology - and is written in a way that people of any identity, physical ability and orientation can benefit
This book covers SO many different topics - common causes of sexual burnout, the destructiveness of purity culture, “self care”, BDSM, toys and just general discussions on how to be more present within your own body. My only fault with this book was that it often reads more like a memoir than an educational nonfiction and that caused it to feel a little tedious sometimes. I also found that it wasn’t fully inclusive to include people who are parents and have experienced bodily changes through pregnancy that result in changing desires.
Overall this was a four star read for me! I had a good time with this book, even if it felt tedious at times. Even though this book discusses smexy times constantly, it’s done in a professional and respectful manner so no rating for spice will be given
Honestly, I would recommend this book to everyone who is potentially active in bedroom activities. Whether you have a partner(s) or are flying solo, I believe that everyone has the potential to be more aware of themselves and their needs.
June 12, 2023
This book was quite an interesting read. Yagoda is a fascinating character, and I believe she is the only person who could have written this book.
I'll be honest, I spent most of this book feeling bad for her, which I'm not proud to admit, but when I found this book, I expected the author to be someone well-versed in great sex and in-tune with their body. Yagoda presented herself quite apparently as neither of those things, and there were times where I wondered why she should be the person to write this book, considering even at the end her progress was rather small.
So in matter of this book being a groundbreaking text...perhaps not.
However, her bold honesty and her long, long list of bad sexual experiences, solo and partnered, made her efforts to investigate the bad sex crisis more genuine and her narrative more captivating, as she was not a teacher trying to impart her wisdom but a journalist trying to discover in real-time what was going on with her sex life and how to do something about it. And the truth is you can't read (or write) one book and fix everything. But her mix of academia, science, and anecdote crafted a motivating work that actually did get me to break it off with a casual partner who was just okay at sex.
The change in my life was quite literally immediate, and she also provided tools, ideas, and further resources to explore, making this read worthwhile for me. I would absolutely recommend it to people who can sense something is off about their sex life but have no idea where to start.
Maria, I'm wishing you amazing sex ASAP.
I'll be honest, I spent most of this book feeling bad for her, which I'm not proud to admit, but when I found this book, I expected the author to be someone well-versed in great sex and in-tune with their body. Yagoda presented herself quite apparently as neither of those things, and there were times where I wondered why she should be the person to write this book, considering even at the end her progress was rather small.
So in matter of this book being a groundbreaking text...perhaps not.
However, her bold honesty and her long, long list of bad sexual experiences, solo and partnered, made her efforts to investigate the bad sex crisis more genuine and her narrative more captivating, as she was not a teacher trying to impart her wisdom but a journalist trying to discover in real-time what was going on with her sex life and how to do something about it. And the truth is you can't read (or write) one book and fix everything. But her mix of academia, science, and anecdote crafted a motivating work that actually did get me to break it off with a casual partner who was just okay at sex.
The change in my life was quite literally immediate, and she also provided tools, ideas, and further resources to explore, making this read worthwhile for me. I would absolutely recommend it to people who can sense something is off about their sex life but have no idea where to start.
Maria, I'm wishing you amazing sex ASAP.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 85 reviews